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Finding the right person to spend the rest of your life with isn't about finding somebody who's perfect. It's about finding somebody who's perfect for you. Because as you can see from this hilarious list of marriage tweets compiled by Bored Panda, it's important for a healthy relationship to have a husband or wife who can handle all of your weird, annoying, and a downright unbearable sense of humor!

From the woman whose husband neglected gardening duties to buy the cat an inflatable unicorn horn, and hilarious marriage advice to the man whose wife forced him to go to IKEA despite the fact that they didn't need to buy anything, the collection of marriage jokes below is sure to make married life seem awesome. Don't forget to vote for the best pranks and funniest situations!

#1

My Wife Didn't Appreciate My Fridge Magnet Poem

My Wife Didn't Appreciate My Fridge Magnet Poem

FaisalSharif Report

#2

Asked My Wife Where My Eye Drops Were. She Responded "In The Bedroom On The Tv Stand Under The Lightswitch Slightly Trapped Between The Wall"

Asked My Wife Where My Eye Drops Were. She Responded "In The Bedroom On The Tv Stand Under The Lightswitch Slightly Trapped Between The Wall"

mrbojingles1972 Report

#3

For The Past Two Years, Anything Sitting In Our Garage That The Wife Says We Can't Get Rid Of, I've Hung As "Art" In Our Otherwise Useless Front Room

For The Past Two Years, Anything Sitting In Our Garage That The Wife Says We Can't Get Rid Of, I've Hung As "Art" In Our Otherwise Useless Front Room

michaelsiemsen Report

#4

My Husband Sure Knows How To Make A Pregnant, Bloated Girl Feel Special On Her Birthday

My Husband Sure Knows How To Make A Pregnant, Bloated Girl Feel Special On Her Birthday

cassieko Report

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You may not appreciate this now, but later on you'll cherish his thoughtfulness. Hugs-and-k...051928.gif Hugs-and-kisses-594275a051928.gif

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#5

My Hubbys Reaction When He Tasted That I Added Whiskey To His Coffee

My Hubbys Reaction When He Tasted That I Added Whiskey To His Coffee

dina_mrs_k Report

#6

Wife And I Spend An Hour Trying To Get The Cat To Turn Off The Lights, So We Didn't Have To Get Out Of Bed

Wife And I Spend An Hour Trying To Get The Cat To Turn Off The Lights, So We Didn't Have To Get Out Of Bed

ThunderKrunk Report

#7

Told The Wife The Floor Was Gross And Needed Cleaning. Told Her I Was Willing To Do It. She Said We Don't Need To. Clean Half She Said And Let's See The Difference... Mission Accomplished. (We Don't Have Tiled Floors)

Told The Wife The Floor Was Gross And Needed Cleaning. Told Her I Was Willing To Do It. She Said We Don't Need To. Clean Half She Said And Let's See The Difference... Mission Accomplished. (We Don't Have Tiled Floors)

ordin22 Report

#8

My Wife Has Been Trying Anything To Remind Me To Bring My Lunch To Work

My Wife Has Been Trying Anything To Remind Me To Bring My Lunch To Work

bsegovia Report

#9

Marriage Is All About Compromise. For Example, I Didn't Really Want A Dog. My Wife Did. So We Compromised... And Here Is Our New Puppy Copper

Marriage Is All About Compromise. For Example, I Didn't Really Want A Dog. My Wife Did. So We Compromised... And Here Is Our New Puppy Copper

slommyg21 Report

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you can't fall in love with this little child, you have a Real Problem. :O

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#10

I Wore This Custom Shirt During My Wife's Labor. Wife Was Not Amused

I Wore This Custom Shirt During My Wife's Labor. Wife Was Not Amused

robin60062 Report

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#11

After Working An 18 Hour Day, I Came Home To Find This Note Left By My Wife In The Bathroom

After Working An 18 Hour Day, I Came Home To Find This Note Left By My Wife In The Bathroom

Jacksoffwithhotsauce Report

#12

Whenever We Get Into A Heated Argument, My Wife Stops Mid Argument To Take A Selfie With Me, I'm Never Amused

Whenever We Get Into A Heated Argument, My Wife Stops Mid Argument To Take A Selfie With Me, I'm Never Amused

hmmunoz Report

#13

What I Love About My Parents Is That After 41 Years Of Marriage, They Still Know How To Embarrass Their Kids

What I Love About My Parents Is That After 41 Years Of Marriage, They Still Know How To Embarrass Their Kids

spikeypeach Report

#14

My Pregnant Wife Sent This To Me At 2:12am This Morning. I'm Going To Guess That My Snoring Was Quite Bad Last Night

My Pregnant Wife Sent This To Me At 2:12am This Morning. I'm Going To Guess That My Snoring Was Quite Bad Last Night

batgaz Report

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Jeremie Guerra
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So..I assume Huichol Indians women only had one pregnancy...(with the same companion )^^

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#15

When You Ask Your Husband To Pack Your Lunch

When You Ask Your Husband To Pack Your Lunch

RemorsefulArsonist Report

#16

I Needed To Borrow My Wife's Phone... She Said Her Password Was Our Anniversary. I Gave The Phone Back And Said I Didn't Know What Happened

I Needed To Borrow My Wife's Phone... She Said Her Password Was Our Anniversary. I Gave The Phone Back And Said I Didn't Know What Happened

StarskyAndHutch Report

#17

We Were Looking Through Old Pictures Of Me When My Wife Started Laughing And Got The Dog's Flea Pills From The Cupboard

We Were Looking Through Old Pictures Of Me When My Wife Started Laughing And Got The Dog's Flea Pills From The Cupboard

phelyan Report

#18

My Wife And I Accidentally Got Each Other The Same Gift For Our Second Anniversary

My Wife And I Accidentally Got Each Other The Same Gift For Our Second Anniversary

myworkaccountatwork Report

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It shows that you are both on the same page, and think alike. :D

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#19

Marriage Milestone

Marriage Milestone

XplodingUnicorn Report

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Hans
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is it just me, or does someone else find it strange to say or write "f**k you" when addressing the spouse, even if it would be in a kidding mood?

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#20

My Wife Said I Could Decorate The Guest Bathroom As My Own. Multiple Screams Have Ensued

My Wife Said I Could Decorate The Guest Bathroom As My Own. Multiple Screams Have Ensued

ChefCthulhu Report

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#21

My Wife Includes Little Notes In My Lunch When She Packs It. I've Been Saving Them In My Desk

My Wife Includes Little Notes In My Lunch When She Packs It. I've Been Saving Them In My Desk

Katoptrizo Report

#22

Married For 62 Years, But My Grandpa Will Still Pull Out His Road Atlas To Prove My Grandma Wrong

Married For 62 Years, But My Grandpa Will Still Pull Out His Road Atlas To Prove My Grandma Wrong

Upstream15 Report

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If that's all you two argue about, no wonder you lasted that long together. :D

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#23

My Wife And I Do Not Lead A Very Exciting Life

My Wife And I Do Not Lead A Very Exciting Life

xxNixonxx Report

#24

Caught My Husband Red Handed... Thought He Was Working Out

Caught My Husband Red Handed... Thought He Was Working Out

GorJess229 Report

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Remember this. Inside Every Man is a child just dying to come out and play. :D

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#25

Year No. 4 At My Wife's Family Reunion

Year No. 4 At My Wife's Family Reunion

switchfootball Report

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This could be a subtle hint, that you don't come around enough. :O

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DancingToMyself
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm curious - what kind of wedding ring is this? What's the material?

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#26

Whenever I Asked My Husband What He Wanted For Dinner He Always Answered, "Bacon-Wrapped Shrimp And Asparagus With Hollandaise Sauce" Just To F*ck With Me. Today I Served Him This

Whenever I Asked My Husband What He Wanted For Dinner He Always Answered, "Bacon-Wrapped Shrimp And Asparagus With Hollandaise Sauce" Just To F*ck With Me. Today I Served Him This

lacquerroneous Report

#27

My Wife Said This License Plate Made Her Think Of Me

My Wife Said This License Plate Made Her Think Of Me

betterguesser Report

#28

Never Have I Been So Mad At My Wife Before

Never Have I Been So Mad At My Wife Before

skaschmidt Report

#29

Marriage Is About Sharing (Almost) Everything

Marriage Is About Sharing (Almost) Everything

bizcat Report

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You forgot the magic word after "Go Away". You still have a lot to learn about partnerships. :O

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#30

Trying To Sent Subtle Hints To My Wife Last Night

Trying To Sent Subtle Hints To My Wife Last Night

MISSINGxLINK Report

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#33

I Love Making Cookies With My Wife

I Love Making Cookies With My Wife

n33hai Report

#34

My Husband Didn't Want A Birthday Cake

My Husband Didn't Want A Birthday Cake

Montification Report

#35

My Pregnant Wife Demanded I Go To The Store For Frozen Yogurt. I Was Temped To Play A Joke, But Wanted To Live

My Pregnant Wife Demanded I Go To The Store For Frozen Yogurt. I Was Temped To Play A Joke, But Wanted To Live

ThePantser Report

#36

This Is What Happens When My Wife Leaves On A Business Trip And I'm Home Alone. When She's Home Vs. When She's Gone

This Is What Happens When My Wife Leaves On A Business Trip And I'm Home Alone. When She's Home Vs. When She's Gone

Nattyiceforme Report

#37

My Husband Challenged Me To See If I Could Fit In My New Suitcase... I Sent Him This Response

My Husband Challenged Me To See If I Could Fit In My New Suitcase... I Sent Him This Response

something_something1 Report

#39

I Came Home To This Last Night. I Married The Right Woman

I Came Home To This Last Night. I Married The Right Woman

irishike Report

#40

My Wife Hates Comic Book Movies. Thanks Universal

My Wife Hates Comic Book Movies. Thanks Universal

holmw13 Report

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#41

The "My Wife/Girlfriend Made Me Go To The Mall" Support Group Is Underway

The "My Wife/Girlfriend Made Me Go To The Mall" Support Group Is Underway

8amHangovers Report

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Susan Gardner
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand why they even go if they are not going to spend time together, but whatevs

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#42

My Husband Got Tired Of Wine Stains Everywhere So He Got Me A Sippy Wine Cup

My Husband Got Tired Of Wine Stains Everywhere So He Got Me A Sippy Wine Cup

ozfrogs Report

#43

I'm Starting A Fight With My Wife

I'm Starting A Fight With My Wife

ComcastNeedsToDie Report

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Jeremie Guerra
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well if that's the meal you will offer to your wife I totally understand why she'll fight :)

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#46

I'm A Super Nervous Flyer. My Wife Just Took This Pic Of Me At The Airport Restaurant, About To Board The Plane A Part Of Our Honeymoon

I'm A Super Nervous Flyer. My Wife Just Took This Pic Of Me At The Airport Restaurant, About To Board The Plane A Part Of Our Honeymoon

wynstn Report

#47

Asked My Husband To (Hand) Whip Some Heavy Cream. Hear Strange Noises And Walk In On This

Asked My Husband To (Hand) Whip Some Heavy Cream. Hear Strange Noises And Walk In On This

Lilaflockensocke Report

#48

My Wife Wanted To Make Sure That Someone Took A Picture Of The Expression On Our Faces When Our Daughter Was Born Today. So I Took One

My Wife Wanted To Make Sure That Someone Took A Picture Of The Expression On Our Faces When Our Daughter Was Born Today. So I Took One

gilsolano12 Report

#49

I Have My Reasons For Making My Wife Use Her Own Tube

I Have My Reasons For Making My Wife Use Her Own Tube

jimmyg4life Report

#50

Was Wondering Why My Wife Was Giggling When She Asked Me To Change The Air Filters

Was Wondering Why My Wife Was Giggling When She Asked Me To Change The Air Filters

AelyneMB Report

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#51

My Husband Always Leaves Me Notes When He Has To Leave Town For Work

My Husband Always Leaves Me Notes When He Has To Leave Town For Work

StagKen Report

#52

My Husband Attempted To Help With The Laundry. I Don't Buy Pink Towels Because I Don't Like Pink

My Husband Attempted To Help With The Laundry. I Don't Buy Pink Towels Because I Don't Like Pink

Jessie599 Report

#54

My Husband Bet Me I Couldn't Shave His Foot Without Him Waking Up. This Is What He Woke Up To This Morning

My Husband Bet Me I Couldn't Shave His Foot Without Him Waking Up. This Is What He Woke Up To This Morning

Potatoprincessa Report

#55

Wife And I Had A Big Fight Last Week - On Valentine's Day She Gave Me This Along With My Gift

Wife And I Had A Big Fight Last Week - On Valentine's Day She Gave Me This Along With My Gift

elusivemrx Report

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a "Keeper". Just don't flash it around in front of her, especially with family members present. Seriously! :O

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#56

My Wife Asked For A Coach Bag For Her Birthday. Let's Just Say She's Pretty Happy Today

My Wife Asked For A Coach Bag For Her Birthday. Let's Just Say She's Pretty Happy Today

armiesofants Report

#58

Bedroom Is Really Sunny In The Morning. Found Husband Sleeping Like This

Bedroom Is Really Sunny In The Morning. Found Husband Sleeping Like This

Kat211 Report

#59

Clear Communication Is The Key To A Successful Marriage

Clear Communication Is The Key To A Successful Marriage

Hoofhearted523 Report

#60

My Wife Bought A New Hairbrush With A Suction Cup At The End. I Found This On The Bathroom Mirror. I Love My Wife

My Wife Bought A New Hairbrush With A Suction Cup At The End. I Found This On The Bathroom Mirror. I Love My Wife

ApologeticKid Report

#61

I Asked My Husband To Clean Our Room. This Triggered His Inner 5 Year Old And He Fell Asleep

I Asked My Husband To Clean Our Room. This Triggered His Inner 5 Year Old And He Fell Asleep

missespanda Report

#64

I Was Complaining About My Recent Cold So My Wife Made Me A Cake To Help Me "Feel Better"

I Was Complaining About My Recent Cold So My Wife Made Me A Cake To Help Me "Feel Better"

wherediditype Report

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait one Minute! ALL Men are babies when they are sick. This is your opportunity to get "one up" on him on a continual basis. Obviously you are a newlywed, right? aww-594283...e08747.gif aww-594283ae08747.gif

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#65

Wife Is Out, Packing My Own Lunch This Week

Wife Is Out, Packing My Own Lunch This Week

TheChosenPeeples Report

#67

I Couldn't Find My Wife Until I Looked In Her Closet. I Said, "What Are You Doing?" She Says, "I Have Nothing To Wear"

I Couldn't Find My Wife Until I Looked In Her Closet. I Said, "What Are You Doing?" She Says, "I Have Nothing To Wear"

Augray_Sorn Report

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Blue Cicada
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1) Remove all clothing. 2) Rehang regularly used items. 3) Store seasonal/special occasion. 4) Donate the rest--you'll make someone's day.

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#68

Sent My Husband To The Store For Milk And Kitty Litter. He Came Back With This. He's Now Back At The Store For The Milk And Litter

Sent My Husband To The Store For Milk And Kitty Litter. He Came Back With This. He's Now Back At The Store For The Milk And Litter

SidePone Report

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Blue Cicada
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did you feed him first? Never send a hungry person to the store.

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#69

Tried To Put A Heart In My Husband's Pancake. Made A Ballsack Instead

Tried To Put A Heart In My Husband's Pancake. Made A Ballsack Instead

hillshmill Report

#70

Husband Told Me To Make Sure The Wine Didn't Break In The Back Of The Car On Vacation. Don't Judge Me

Husband Told Me To Make Sure The Wine Didn't Break In The Back Of The Car On Vacation. Don't Judge Me

whitvw Report

#71

Thanks To Our Toaster Oven We Now Have Matching Husband And Wife Scars For Life

Thanks To Our Toaster Oven We Now Have Matching Husband And Wife Scars For Life

Itsjustme50 Report

#72

After 20 Years Of Marriage, And My Mother Asking Every Morning How My Father Takes His Tea, He's Finally Had It

After 20 Years Of Marriage, And My Mother Asking Every Morning How My Father Takes His Tea, He's Finally Had It

jamjam1090 Report

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Susan Gardner
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think she knew. It was just a little game she liked to play :)

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#73

Left This Note For My Wife

Left This Note For My Wife

horstmac Report

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Lisa-Marie Dhondt
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

......as he looks down, he realises the blood...is his! As his wife turns on her heel, eating her choc chip cookies and carrying his liver.

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#74

Told My Husband Not To Eat The Ice Cream In The Freezer. Then I Saw This Shadow Form In The Kitchen

Told My Husband Not To Eat The Ice Cream In The Freezer. Then I Saw This Shadow Form In The Kitchen

SloanethePornGal Report

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes you have to be very specific. Remember, men are still little children at heart. ;O

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#75

Prefect Description

Prefect Description

moooooog35 Report

#76

My Wife Wanted Her Sandwich Cut In Half. She Was Non-Specific As To How

My Wife Wanted Her Sandwich Cut In Half. She Was Non-Specific As To How

leftnotracks Report

#77

My Wife Made Me A Passive Aggressive Flow Chart To Use Every Time I Get Hungry

My Wife Made Me A Passive Aggressive Flow Chart To Use Every Time I Get Hungry

biscoff_nutella Report

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Helping Panda
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This isn't very well thought out. Even if we ignore the obvious problem that this can only end in "don't eat", why does it matter how many pots and pans he uses if he cleans up after himself?

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#78

My Wife Hates Rollercosters. After I Pitched A Fit About It, She Finally Picked One She Would Ride With Me

My Wife Hates Rollercosters. After I Pitched A Fit About It, She Finally Picked One She Would Ride With Me

chopbustre Report

#79

My Husband Told Me That He Bought Me A Diamond Necklace

My Husband Told Me That He Bought Me A Diamond Necklace

Breakingbay Report

#80

My Husband And I Have Two Small Children And Just Came To The Realization That We Don't Own Any Shot Glasses

My Husband And I Have Two Small Children And Just Came To The Realization That We Don't Own Any Shot Glasses

aubra_cadabra Report

#81

My Wife Awards 'Cat Of The Month' In Our House. But We Have Only One Cat

My Wife Awards 'Cat Of The Month' In Our House. But We Have Only One Cat

eisenh0wer Report

#82

Sent My Husband To Buy A Baby Shower Gift Bag. Dammit

Sent My Husband To Buy A Baby Shower Gift Bag. Dammit

MangoBlisters Report

#83

My Husband Added A Task To My Prethanksgiving Checklist

My Husband Added A Task To My Prethanksgiving Checklist

erinkella Report

#84

My Wife And I Visit IKEA Again And I Try To Figure Out Why

My Wife And I Visit IKEA Again And I Try To Figure Out Why

fantafano Report

#85

When Chipotle Mails Free Burrito Coupons, My Husband And I Shamelessly Check The Mailbox Recycling Around Our Apartment For Discards. Today's Search Went Pretty Well

When Chipotle Mails Free Burrito Coupons, My Husband And I Shamelessly Check The Mailbox Recycling Around Our Apartment For Discards. Today's Search Went Pretty Well

h-h-c Report

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#86

Called My Wife A Sandwich Maker

Called My Wife A Sandwich Maker

vollkommenes Report

#87

After 60 Years Of Marriage, My Grandparents' Minds Have Melded. Either My Grandparents Both Scrambled To Buy The Only Valentine's Day Cards Cvs Still Had In Stock Today Or They Just Really Are Meant To Be Together

After 60 Years Of Marriage, My Grandparents' Minds Have Melded. Either My Grandparents Both Scrambled To Buy The Only Valentine's Day Cards Cvs Still Had In Stock Today Or They Just Really Are Meant To Be Together

bvhaugen Report

#88

I'm 3 Months Pregnant With Our First Child, And Today My Husband Bought This Book 'to Get Some Tips'

I'm 3 Months Pregnant With Our First Child, And Today My Husband Bought This Book 'to Get Some Tips'

SlashedSpoon Report

#89

Wife Said She Packed A "Special Treat" In My Lunch Today

Wife Said She Packed A "Special Treat" In My Lunch Today

Spicy-Chicken Report

#91

Learning How To Crochet, Husband Is Now Kept Warm

Learning How To Crochet, Husband Is Now Kept Warm

crochettinyblankets Report

#92

My Wife Thinks I'm Stupid Too

My Wife Thinks I'm Stupid Too

bmwhd Report

#93

My Brother And His Wife Got In A Fight Last Night. She Apparently Used His Phone As A Ninja Star

My Brother And His Wife Got In A Fight Last Night. She Apparently Used His Phone As A Ninja Star

phantasmagori Report

#95

My Wife Bought Me Monogram Pajamas For Xmas

My Wife Bought Me Monogram Pajamas For Xmas

blubberbot Report

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#96

After Almost 6 Years Of Marriage, This Is My Favorite Way To Give My Wife A Hard Time

After Almost 6 Years Of Marriage, This Is My Favorite Way To Give My Wife A Hard Time

Mr_Locke Report

#97

Well, My Marriage Was Nice While It Lasted

Well, My Marriage Was Nice While It Lasted

sfr87 Report

#98

I Asked My Husband To Put Away The Leftovers

I Asked My Husband To Put Away The Leftovers

Asher64 Report

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He still has an awful lot to learn, but at least he is trying. With a little more help, he will turn out to be a real winner. cheesywink...fcb784.gif cheesywink-594289ffcb784.gif

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#99

Anyone Know A Good Divorce Lawyer? I Just Saw My Wife Eat A Kitkat

Anyone Know A Good Divorce Lawyer? I Just Saw My Wife Eat A Kitkat

TroutBum801 Report

#100

Today Is The 6 Wk "Point" After My C-Section... Here's How My Husband Brought Me Breakfast This Morning

Today Is The 6 Wk "Point" After My C-Section... Here's How My Husband Brought Me Breakfast This Morning

Willmuzik Report

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Brandi Dickerson
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Makes me wonder if she sent it back with the sausage cut in half...Because that's what I would have done if that had been done to me... :-)

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#101

Someone... Please

Someone... Please

moooooog35 Report

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Thi Bu
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's easier to teach your dog to stay away from your wife

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#102

This Was The Card I Got My Husband For Our Anniversary. What Can I Say? I'm Sentimental

This Was The Card I Got My Husband For Our Anniversary. What Can I Say? I'm Sentimental

SweetLilLies Report

#103

My Husband Cleaned The Kitchen. I Think He Wants A Reward

My Husband Cleaned The Kitchen. I Think He Wants A Reward

felesroo Report

#104

Asked My Wife To Get More Magnets For The Fridge With No Restrictions On What Kind

Asked My Wife To Get More Magnets For The Fridge With No Restrictions On What Kind

Ghotifett Report

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FABULOUS1
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is funny, need one to give my mom. Not sure she would like it but I would enjoy the look on her face.

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#105

He Was Trying To Argue With Me In The Car So I Whipped In This Spot And Said I Have Something To Tell You (I’m Not Actually But It Shut Him Up Quick)

He Was Trying To Argue With Me In The Car So I Whipped In This Spot And Said I Have Something To Tell You (I’m Not Actually But It Shut Him Up Quick)

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#106

My Husband Travels For Work. He Gave Me This So I Am Never Really Alone

My Husband Travels For Work. He Gave Me This So I Am Never Really Alone

hamleteatsoatmeal Report

#107

My Husband And I Have Different Ideas Of What Love Is

My Husband And I Have Different Ideas Of What Love Is

minnie631 Report

#108

My Husband Was “Too Tired” To Change The Babies Pooped Diaper While I Pumped… I Sent Him This Photo, He Didn’t See It Until The Morning. Diaper Was There For About 1 Hour

My Husband Was “Too Tired” To Change The Babies Pooped Diaper While I Pumped… I Sent Him This Photo, He Didn’t See It Until The Morning. Diaper Was There For About 1 Hour

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It it took that long, then he really was tired. I wonder if he was "too tired" to remove it all? :O

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#109

What Happens When I Send My Husband To The Store And There's An Ice Cream Sale

What Happens When I Send My Husband To The Store And There's An Ice Cream Sale

2workigo Report

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Blue Cicada
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1) that's the good stuff, so u gotta buy it when the $ is right. 2) the storage method needs much improvement.

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#110

Saw This On My Friend's Facebook With The Title, "When Your Husband Puts The Groceries Away..."

Saw This On My Friend's Facebook With The Title, "When Your Husband Puts The Groceries Away..."

Sentriculus Report

#111

The Wife Said I Could Do Whatever I Wanted To The Guest Bathroom

The Wife Said I Could Do Whatever I Wanted To The Guest Bathroom

smellyPlastic Report

#112

After 22 Years Of Marriage This Is How We Communicate With Each Other

After 22 Years Of Marriage This Is How We Communicate With Each Other

steveherndon Report

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Wyndmere
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How long have you made her wait? How many times has she had to ask you this already? ... Why can't she change the lightbulb herself?

#113

So My Wife Is Going Away For A Few Months. This Is How She Left Our Bed This Morning

So My Wife Is Going Away For A Few Months. This Is How She Left Our Bed This Morning

SelfishMentor Report

#114

My Husband Fell Asleep On The Couch. I Gave Him A Goldfish Beard

My Husband Fell Asleep On The Couch. I Gave Him A Goldfish Beard

reddit.com Report

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#115

First My Wife Said The Walls Were Too Bare, And Now They Are Too Bear

First My Wife Said The Walls Were Too Bare, And Now They Are Too Bear

Childofdust90 Report

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#116

My Southern Husband Objects To The Soda I Bought

My Southern Husband Objects To The Soda I Bought

Terreon Report

#117

My Wife Hates Greek Yogurt

My Wife Hates Greek Yogurt

LifeWithAdd Report

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Brandi Dickerson
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's grounds for divorce...You cannot hide the cookie dough and still expect to get nookie.

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#118

There Comes A Time In A Married Man’s Life Where He Has To Ask Himself The Question: Do I Get My Wife The Exact Halloween Costume She Asked For Or The Slutty Version And Deal With The Consequences?

There Comes A Time In A Married Man’s Life Where He Has To Ask Himself The Question: Do I Get My Wife The Exact Halloween Costume She Asked For Or The Slutty Version And Deal With The Consequences?

HadManySons Report

#120

Marriage Means Creative Ways Of Saying "Stop Doing That"

Marriage Means Creative Ways Of Saying "Stop Doing That"

r0b0tjunkie Report

#121

My Wife Asked Me If I Wanted Half Her Twix. She Thinks This Is A Game

My Wife Asked Me If I Wanted Half Her Twix. She Thinks This Is A Game

Actuarial Report

#123

I Asked My Husband To Take A Photo Of Me Using The Jackhammer. After 14 Years Of Marriage He Still Has His Priorities

I Asked My Husband To Take A Photo Of Me Using The Jackhammer. After 14 Years Of Marriage He Still Has His Priorities

Always_be_awesome Report

#124

Couldn't Afford To Get My Wife A Lexus For Christmas So I Got One Of Their Bows Instead And Put It On Her Car

Couldn't Afford To Get My Wife A Lexus For Christmas So I Got One Of Their Bows Instead And Put It On Her Car

JeremyMcLellan Report

#125

I Asked My Husband To Iron My Pants And He Gave Me The 1980's Creases

I Asked My Husband To Iron My Pants And He Gave Me The 1980's Creases

Litacaptain Report

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#126

My Friends Husband Thought He Could Microwave His Shirt To Dry It Faster

My Friends Husband Thought He Could Microwave His Shirt To Dry It Faster

NotKay Report

#127

The Note My Husband Left Me That I Woke Up To

The Note My Husband Left Me That I Woke Up To

db05820p Report

#129

Why I Keep A Secret Tube Of Toothpaste From My Wife And Children

Why I Keep A Secret Tube Of Toothpaste From My Wife And Children

ionchannels Report

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Dhanya Munro
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is one more guy here who suffers exactly like you. He hides his toothpaste too!

#131

My Wife Says I Don't Understand Breakfast In Bed

My Wife Says I Don't Understand Breakfast In Bed

Theowlhoothoot Report

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therealpixie
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God, that looks good! You could fix me breakfast in bed like that, and I'd wake up smiling.

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#132

Came Downstairs And My Wife Gives Me These This Morning. Uh... Thanks Honey

Came Downstairs And My Wife Gives Me These This Morning. Uh... Thanks Honey

Rambo_Brit3 Report

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the perfect gift, especially for the fellow who slices off-center portions from the middle of the cake, like that A*****e above. banghead-5...961d13.gif banghead-5942831961d13.gif

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#133

So My Friend Asked Her Husband To Wrap At Least One Shirt, This Is What She Got

So My Friend Asked Her Husband To Wrap At Least One Shirt, This Is What She Got

CanadianBeard Report

#135

Wife Asked Me To Pressure Wash And Get A Welcome Mat. Nailed It

Wife Asked Me To Pressure Wash And Get A Welcome Mat. Nailed It

smokyartichoke Report

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#136

How You Can Tell My Wife Is Working Tonight

How You Can Tell My Wife Is Working Tonight

ShayWhitey Report

#137

Wife Is Leaving For A Week. Pretty Much Confirming She Thinks I Have Alzheimer's

Wife Is Leaving For A Week. Pretty Much Confirming She Thinks I Have Alzheimer's

DyerMkr Report

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E Menendez
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is really thoughtful. Particularly if she normally does all the food prep.

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#138

Wife And Teen Daughters Said Vacuum Wasn't Working, Checked Roller Brush

Wife And Teen Daughters Said Vacuum Wasn't Working, Checked Roller Brush

imnotmarvin Report

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JillVille Child Care
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh man this is the worst! My kids would never check under there either and I was always the one to save the poor vac!

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#139

Guess I'm Still Getting Used To This Whole Marriage Thing

Guess I'm Still Getting Used To This Whole Marriage Thing

thatmink Report

#140

As A Husband, I Decided To Make The Bed Properly

As A Husband, I Decided To Make The Bed Properly

Gay4Allah Report

#141

In 5 Years Of The Relationship She Has Never Asked Me To Hold Her Purse. Within One Hour Of Picking Up The Marriage License

In 5 Years Of The Relationship She Has Never Asked Me To Hold Her Purse. Within One Hour Of Picking Up The Marriage License

ubculled Report

#142

Wife Wanted To Be "That House", I Say She Went Overboard

Wife Wanted To Be "That House", I Say She Went Overboard

spooniemclovin Report

#143

Marriage Is About Compromise

Marriage Is About Compromise

IEatConcrete Report

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Jennifer Oldham
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm with him - rather be gaming. Of course I'm assuming he's gaming and she's Netflixing.

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#144

My Husband Is A Jerk... Yes Every Cookie Has A Bite Mark In It

My Husband Is A Jerk... Yes Every Cookie Has A Bite Mark In It

Anaria32 Report

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Neurotic_Octopus
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've done this to family members. My mom just sighs and looks at me while I giggle. :p

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#145

Found Stacked Like This In The Garage To Be Sold/Donated. Married 12 Years With A 6 & 7 Year Old. Starting From The Bottom... The Stages Of Marriage

Found Stacked Like This In The Garage To Be Sold/Donated. Married 12 Years With A 6 & 7 Year Old. Starting From The Bottom... The Stages Of Marriage

sellcell1971 Report

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#146

Wife Said "Lets Renovate The Bathroom, We Both Need More Shelf Space."

Wife Said "Lets Renovate The Bathroom, We Both Need More Shelf Space."

notnexus Report

#147

My Wife Finally Found Out Where I've Been Getting My Frozen Snickers Bars

My Wife Finally Found Out Where I've Been Getting My Frozen Snickers Bars

Standard_Candle Report

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#148

After 3 Years Of Marriage, The Fight Rages On

After 3 Years Of Marriage, The Fight Rages On

Helagak Report

#149

My Wife Found Out My Office Is Closing Down

My Wife Found Out My Office Is Closing Down

Larissa714 Report

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#150

Instructions To Husband

Instructions To Husband

david8hughes Report

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#151

My Husband Told Me There Was An Early Xmas Present Under The Tree. This Is Pretty Perfect

My Husband Told Me There Was An Early Xmas Present Under The Tree. This Is Pretty Perfect

SloanethePornGal Report

#152

Coz It Would Have Been Like Climbing Everest To Go The Last Few Inches... Can You Cite Lazy As A Reason For Divorce?

Coz It Would Have Been Like Climbing Everest To Go The Last Few Inches... Can You Cite Lazy As A Reason For Divorce?

mumma_of_littles Report

#153

My Wife Called To Say She Picked Up 50 Shades Of Grey... This Was Not What I Was Expecting When I Got Home

My Wife Called To Say She Picked Up 50 Shades Of Grey... This Was Not What I Was Expecting When I Got Home

completem Report

#154

I Love To See That After Nearly 25 Years Of Marriage, My Father Still Knows How To Troll My Mother

I Love To See That After Nearly 25 Years Of Marriage, My Father Still Knows How To Troll My Mother

lewolfmano Report

#155

Placed My Husband’s Heavy Shoe On A Cockroach For Him To Find

Placed My Husband’s Heavy Shoe On A Cockroach For Him To Find

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Ladam
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he uses that post-it note the right way he's can get away with one free murder.

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#156

At Least He Tried

At Least He Tried

tiniemilei Report

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Jennifer Oldham
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anybody else wondering about the little door? I've never seed this - must be some kind of furnance access or something?

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#157

My Husband Is Out Of Town For A Few Days... He Sent Me This Today. I Think He Misses Me

My Husband Is Out Of Town For A Few Days... He Sent Me This Today. I Think He Misses Me

lonelywife Report

#158

Is This A Shower Bench Or A Shampoo Table? Our Marriage Depends On This

Is This A Shower Bench Or A Shampoo Table? Our Marriage Depends On This

jackjack3 Report

#159

After 14 Years Of Marriage This Is The Sexy Pic I Sent My Husband

After 14 Years Of Marriage This Is The Sexy Pic I Sent My Husband

Opandemonium Report

#160

My Friend Made This For Her Husband

My Friend Made This For Her Husband

thesockbunny Report

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Wyndmere
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A knock at the door, he answers. The person standing there hands him a piece of paper and says, "You've been served."

#161

A Mate Posted This To Facebook, Saying "The Secret To A Happy Marriage Is Knowing How To Compromise"

A Mate Posted This To Facebook, Saying "The Secret To A Happy Marriage Is Knowing How To Compromise"

Dnoze Report

#162

The Secret To A Successful Marriage (30+ Years) With A Shared Bathroom

The Secret To A Successful Marriage (30+ Years) With A Shared Bathroom

The_Angry_Uterus Report

#163

My Husband Is A Monster

My Husband Is A Monster

budgiebum Report

#164

Out Of All The Advice Of Marriage, Nothing Prepared Me For This

Out Of All The Advice Of Marriage, Nothing Prepared Me For This

Ryvo Report

#165

My Husband Smilingly Asked “Why Are There Vegetables In The “Beer Crisper”? So I Did This

My Husband Smilingly Asked “Why Are There Vegetables In The “Beer Crisper”? So I Did This

Report

#166

Great Dad! Awful Husband

Great Dad! Awful Husband

thexrickx Report

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Enea
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sure, putting the girl's mother down in a note from 'Santa' makes for a wonderful dad...

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#168

I Asked My Husband To Make A Grocery List... This Was On The Fridge This Morning

I Asked My Husband To Make A Grocery List... This Was On The Fridge This Morning

narwhalunicorn Report