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Carl Jung was one of the first people to define the terms introvert and extrovert in a psychological context; Jung described extroverts as preferring to engage with the outside world of objects, sensory perception, and action while introverts, according to him, are more focused on the internal world, are thoughtful and insightful.

The former usually have little to no trouble expressing their thoughts, feelings, and opinions—something we can't really say about the latter, which are often said to be shy or socially awkward and lack strong interpersonal skills. So in an attempt to understand them better, let's take a look at the Instagram account 'Introvert Nation.'

From getting a haircut to work and dating, it touches upon plenty of different aspects of everyday life and paints a pretty accurate picture of what it's like to be your own best friend. Continue scrolling to check out the content that 'Introvert Nation' has to offer and the conversation we had on the topic with writer Sophia Dembling, the author of The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World and Introverts in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After as well as psychologist Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., who—until October of 2020—had maintained a general private practice with clinical specialties in anger, trauma resolution (using EMDR and IFS), couples conflict, compulsive/addictive behaviors, stress control, and depression.

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Seltzer said that many factors make someone an introvert, but the most prominent among them relates to interacting with others, which drains their energy. "It doesn't much matter what their social skills are or whether they actually enjoy the other's company, they still feel depleted after being in another's company for a substantial period of time," the psychologist told Bored Panda.

"Because of this, they require more solitary time to regroup than do extroverts (who are energized, or re-energized, through socializing), which is one reason that, overall, introverts prefer to engage in solitary activities. They also prefer to write rather than speak, listen rather than talk, and small gatherings vs. large, boisterous parties."

Dembling added that introversion is one of what personality psychologists call the Big Five traits (openness to experience, conscientiousness, extroversion—and therefore its opposite, introversion—agreeableness, neuroticism). "Some studies find that the brains of introverts are more active even in resting than those of extroverts, which causes us to be more easily overwhelmed/overstimulated," she explained.

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Blackstone
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yup. I read this, and was like "oh s**t!", so I just now sent a text and then came back to this 🤣

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Bonesko
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's nice to know I'm not the only one to do that. I always feel guilty and like a bad person. My family and acquaintances don't really understand why I Go Radio silent for weeks at a time. But of course there's a pressure when you realize it's been a couple of weeks since so-and-so texted you then there's this pressure it can be overwhelming. I'm lucky enough to have one best friend who truly understands and doesn't judge me if I don't text her back for a month. I just tell her sorry I was stuck in my head and she tells me no worries bud. And while I understand why it's frustrating to most people, being patient and understanding does help.

angelanagel avatar
Yoga Kitty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a friend like you. Sometimes she does not answer for weeks although I keep messaging her. Once when we met personally I said she could just tell me to stop pestering her - no, she said that in fact she loved that I keep on writing and telling stuff even if she does not always feel like responding! Other people get frustrated and drop her...

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LrdSlvrhnd
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep. And the longer I go without replying the harder it becomes to reply, so it just keeps getting worse and worse and worse in a never-ending cycle.

anagrammargana avatar
Anagram margana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, and I’m an extrovert!!! (I blame ADD…oh, and not really wanting to answer some people...) 😫

yongyenghong avatar
Yy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Trying to come up with an excuse not to attend meetups and 3 days have passed without a reply.. leading to more headache of wat excuse to give for taking so long to reply omgggg

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ADDee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have the energy to answer this post, but never a text from a friend.

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Sunshine Daydream
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you wait a few hours, you can avoid a back and forth conversation. Just pretend you did not see it for a long time, and respond when you think they are too busy for chatting

drh95051 avatar
GramDB
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Procrastination is a horrid condition … a family and relationship destroyer!

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Daniel C.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is my life. Litterally have two friends I haven't responded to yet and it's been weeks. Why you say? I wish I knew.

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Damiens mom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All. Of. The. Time!!!! Thankfully my friends are also mostly introverts or just stoners who forget to text back.

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Zack Podany
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes it takes me 3 weeks to get the energy to mentally prepare myself to read the text in the first place.

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Micah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are real friendships I've let stagnate or essentially end because I took too long to respond multiple times and now I'm just like "My bad."

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Mark Fuller
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not weeks, but certainly days can go by before I even open a text and read. I'm like, "what if they wanna socialise or something. Yeeeuch. If it's an emergency, they'll call. And they can leave a voicemail so I don't have to chat!"

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LolaTheCannibal
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No Actually is more like: when will I ever have friends to write to?

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Tom Hanlin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, no. If I don't open a text for three weeks, I don't have to worry about it, aside from an increasing load of guilt that will, someday, see me having to deal with 2,236.5 email messages and a backlog of texts. Don't ask about the 0.5 email message and, anyway, my friends aren't necessarily more reliable and will understand.

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MimSorensson
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes. I’m autistic, the kind that sort of makes me a professional introvert by inclination, and I have perfected my art - I don’t make friends that can’t keep from taking such things personal. I warn them from the start. So far I never missed out on a friend and nobody has had their feelings hurt. I can recommend the method. I learned the hard, hard way.

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Hannan Mahmood
Community Member
1 year ago

Yes it happens three times a week

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iseefractals
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you read the message in the notification, it doesn't mark it as being seen/read.

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Purple Gerbil
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope. Unless you’re boring I’m an extrovert by text but introvert in real life.

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Ericka Hokkanen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

no one texts me unless they want me to do something for them- so no

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BasedWang12.2
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

currently thinking of a response that I will forget to give to a friend that texted me 2 hours ago

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Black Pearl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No I can't let that notification stay in my bar because it annoys me, so I answer immediately. If I just dismiss the notification I'm never going to answer.

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Casey McAlister
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1 year ago

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That means it's not really your kind of person. If somebody actually matters to me, I'll reply to them even if I'm half-dead.

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There's also a huge body of research showing that extroverts are happier. But one recent study by the University of California, Riverside, psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky and U.C. Riverside graduate student Seth Margolis suggests that simply acting like an extrovert might actually boost well-being—even for introverts.

The researchers had 131 undergraduates initially undergo a number of assessments to set a baseline for their health and personality. Next, Lyubomirsky and Margolis asked the students to alter their behaviors in specific ways for one week. Some had to be more "talkative, assertive, and spontaneous"; others were instructed to be "deliberate, quiet, and reserved."

(Although these behaviors were not labeled extroverted or introverted, Margolis and Lyubomirsky essentially pushed the students to act within those categories.) At the week's end, the two groups took the same tests that had established their baseline, and then they reversed roles for the second week. Afterward, they took the assessments one last time.

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The researchers analyzed responses to assess whether acting as an introvert or extrovert had any effect on well-being and discovered that leaning into extroverted behaviors resulted in participants reporting higher measures of well-being, including positive emotions, a sense of social connectedness, and flow (full immersion in an enjoyable activity).

The opposite was also true: people who acted more introverted than usual saw declines in well-being. "I kind of wish the research didn't show that, but it does," Lyubomirsky said.

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Adrian
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If not on my contacts list, I don't answer - that's what answering machines are for. My contacts list has 17 entries.

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Writer Sophia Dembling believes that Western society favors extroverts. "For example, many teachers grade students on class participation, which can be difficult for introverts, who do better in small groups, in writing, one-on-one," she explained. "Business also tends to favor extroverts. Introverts can find it difficult to shine in interviews, which are a form of performance, although research has found that while extroverts are better at getting the job, introverts are better at getting the job done."

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"And introverts can have difficulty getting their voices heard in professional settings. In her excellent book The Genius of Opposites, Jennifer Kahnweiler suggests that introversion and extroversion should be treated as a diversity issue and that businesses do best with a balance of both and people who understand both," she added.

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Anni
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get busted sometimes. A colleague will approach and say “Are you okay?” Me: Damn you face!

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Psychologist Leon Seltzer also supports this notion, but he doesn't think that extroverts have it better everywhere. "My understanding is that in the U.S., extroverts outnumber introverts, but that the opposite is true in other parts of the world, both in Europe and particularly in Asia," he said. "If you look at ads in this country, you'll see that having a good time is illustrated not by someone sitting quietly reading a book but by eating and drinking with friends, playing sports, riding bikes, and so on."

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"Moreover, it does seem to be true that in some subtle and not-so-subtle ways, introverts in America are discriminated against, almost as though their preferences are somewhat perverted. Added to this, creative individuals tend more to be introverts than extroverts, and being alone is less associated with loneliness than it is with extroverts."

Being an introvert can be challenging. Because they prefer quiet or alone time, some introverts can seem cold, aloof, or even antisocial to others that are more extroverted in nature.

"Being heard can be difficult; we need time to formulate our thoughts and are often talked over and through," Dembling said. "We also often take heat for our introversion, particularly young people. Kids are chastised if they would rather sit home with a book than go out and play with friends, and the party culture of college can be trying for introverts, who might even find themselves drinking too much in order to keep up with social demands."

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Cat Palmer
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Followed shortly by anxious potato worrying everyone was just laughing out of pity. (Please tell me that's not just me!)

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To make their lives easier, Dembling thinks introverts should take control of their socialization and do things they enjoy with people they enjoy rather than allowing themselves to always wait for invitations (which are often extended by extroverts to do extroverted things).

"Figure out what you like to do and do the uncomfortable thing by extending invitations and you might find yourself enjoying people more," she suggested. "Also, the only way I can get myself to go to parties is if I promise myself that I can leave any time I want. Don't let anyone tell you the party will just fall to pieces if you leave; it won’t, and if you let yourself leave when you’re ready, you will find it a lot easier to say yes the next time."

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Adrian
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an introvert, I love extroverts talking about their lives. That way I never have to say anything.

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Java Addict
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I figure introverts have their own wavelength. Eventually I'll come across someone with a compatible one.

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If you need any encouragement, keep in mind that you don't need to reinvent yourself to connect to other people. "Contrary to common belief, introverts are no less skilled than extroverts in socializing," Seltzer said.

"In fact, because they're better listeners than extroverts and think first about what they're going to say before saying it—vs. extroverts, who need to discover what they think about something by first circling around it—as often as not, extroverts can learn as much about effective socializing from introverts as the reverse."

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Nikki Sevven
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes. Yes, we do want this ring. Also, if you must, living plants are better than cut flowers.

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The bottom line is that there's nothing wrong with the fact that you're an introvert. Or an extrovert, for that matter.

"The brain's reticular activating system determines whether one leans toward introversion or extroversion, and it's not anything that can change or needs to change," Seltzer added. "As a therapist, I've had people come to me to help me change them from an introvert to its opposite, and my response is that I can't do that, but I can help them to accept—and even celebrate—their introversion, which is not a defect."

"If they do need to develop better social skills, I can help them achieve that, but it won't change their inborn disposition to find introverted thinking and activity more congenial than what's 'natural' to their extroverted counterparts. Nor should it be," the psychologist explained.

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Cat Palmer
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once overheard someone asking a kid of about this age what she wanted for Christmas and she said "peace and quiet", and that kid is clearly my people.

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The IRS
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone in my first office hated high walled cubicles, I absolutely loved it. Put a door on that 8x8 box room and I'd be in heaven.

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Nikki Sevven
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always thought this was a weird question to ask people. "What thing do you do for money to pay for the things you need?" Um, why do you want to know that? Are you measuring my worth by how much money you think I make?

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Artsy Bookworm
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Walking from your table to the washroom and back. Hardest thing to navigate ever especially in a crowded restaurant 😑

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