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They say you should never air your grievances, or be publicly smug, but what better place to show the world how clever you are than Twitter? After all, you're living a married life now, and you have to prove to all your friends that you're not some lame funny husband, but the same Alpha Kappa Beta man you always were. Getting a divorce because your wife says you're too punny with marriage jokes? "Divorce is strong with this one!"

Bored Panda has put together this list of the best funny tweets by husbands that Twitter has to offer. Which one best sums up your marriage or a long-term relationship? Vote below, or share your own funny husband quotes in the comment below. Are you not just a husband, but a dad, too? Then be sure to also check out these funniest tweets on parenting! (h/t)

#6

Funny Husband Tweets

mynameisntdave Report

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#13

Funny Husband Tweets

moooooog35 Report

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Shana
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BF doing the shopping for a change: "I don't get why you take an hour to do grocery shopping, I was done in 10 mins" Me: "did you get {item that was on the list}??" BF: "..... damn it" :P

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#14

Funny Husband Tweets

XplodingUnicorn Report

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Robertus Ariel
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife always ask me what i wanted for dinner and then says "NO, i don't want that" at all my choices

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#17

Funny Husband Tweets

XplodingUnicorn Report

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Daria B
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd prefer he actually told me about his zombie ninjas and cyborg Nazis from the future....

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#18

Funny Husband Tweets

TheAlexNevil Report

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Puddin Tane
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As Walter says, "I only do what the voices in my wife's head tell me to do." Walter is from "Aunty Acid"

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#22

Funny Husband Tweets

DanielRCarrillo Report

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Tanith Winter
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But occasionally they bring you something that wasn't on the list and is totally amazing though right???

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#23

Funny Husband Tweets

thegladstork Report

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#27

Funny Husband Tweets

_troyjohnson Report

#28

Funny Husband Tweets

pjtlynch Report

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#29

Funny Husband Tweets

simoncholland Report

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Yamilucha Saenz
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lmao!! I do the same to my husbsnd. Not just the awakes, but the restlessness too.

#30

Funny Husband Tweets

KentWGraham Report

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#33

Funny Husband Tweets

tchrquotes Report

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#37

Funny Husband Tweets

TheCatWhisprer Report

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#38

Funny Husband Tweets

joshhafner Report

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Caitlyn Caggiano
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

last night I made a fb post and then made my husband comment on it. haha

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#39

Funny Husband Tweets

hippieswordfish Report

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#40

Funny Husband Tweets

moooooog35 Report

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#46

Funny Husband Tweets

david8hughes Report

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#47

Funny Husband Tweets

pazarm Report

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#48

Funny Husband Tweets

TheCatWhisprer Report

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Nizha Ariotejo
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

huahahaha...totally can relate this, always discuss same thing, her side his side on bed, almost every night, just everytime when he's start putting his butt (yeah his butt only) on my bed side....sometime he made me scratch him just to make him out off my side :D

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#49

Funny Husband Tweets

WilliamRodgers Report

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#50

Funny Husband Tweets

PJTLynch Report

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#51

Funny Husband Tweets

WilliamAder Report

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Suzie Q Ogden
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With mine it would be whether or not he used my employee discount lol

#52

Funny Husband Tweets

KentWGraham Report

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#54

Funny Husband Tweets

kcmoore51 Report

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#55

Funny Husband Tweets

AndyAsAdjective Report

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Caitlyn Caggiano
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this wpuld be me. my husband had blasphemously never zeen the movie.

#56

Funny Husband Tweets

MikeMcNeil_ Report

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#57

Funny Husband Tweets

TheBoydP Report

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#59

Funny Husband Tweets

myles_morrison Report

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#61

Funny Husband Tweets

simoncholland Report

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Justyna
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i did, ended up doing everything, finished my marriage. so, no.

#62

Funny Husband Tweets

colestrode Report

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Nizha Ariotejo
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

what about different colour and size of toothbrush.....mine is pink :P

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#63

Funny Husband Tweets

Gooooats Report

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#64

Funny Husband Tweets

WilliamAder Report

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#65

Funny Husband Tweets

Rlpihl Report

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#66

Funny Husband Tweets

usedwigs Report

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#67

Funny Husband Tweets

DrMikeLloyd Report

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#68

Funny Husband Tweets

sammyrhodes Report

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#70

Funny Husband Tweets

lanceburson Report

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#71

Funny Husband Tweets

rello000 Report

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#72

Funny Husband Tweets

yoyoha Report

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Šimon Špaček
Community Member
7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Learn to eat chicken wings properly and that problem will disappear.

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