If you've read any Bible teachings, you'll know that Old Testament God is a major asshole. Petty, vain, vindictive, and genocidally violent, he gleefully wrought havoc on his creations before his son eventually showed up with more merciful corrections of God's plans.

So what was up with his creation story in those days, when he was busy making the complex wonders of the world that he would go on to torture sadistically? This collection of tongue-in-cheek religious jokes, collected by us here at Bored Panda, hilariously imagines God's creation strategies as he came up with the animals, the sun, the planets and yes, even those little hell-raisers that he created in his own, twisted image: us. Scroll down below to check the best tweets we've found out for yourself, and don't forget to vote for your 'God creating animals' favorites! (Facebook cover image: Charlie Day)

#1

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

matt___nelson Report

LOttawa
Community Member
1 year ago

Ya... He went a little crazy there..

Hans
Community Member
1 year ago

And fangs! And hairs! And make it make "tap tap tap" sounds when trying to escape...

Wyndmere
Community Member
1 year ago

Eee-Gads! Where do you live that has spiders like that??!!! -- I never want to go there.

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Sophia Cai
Community Member
1 year ago

BUTT ROPE

Slune
Community Member
1 year ago

I know what it's meant, but it sounds like a type of tapeworm

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Tim P.
Community Member
1 year ago

Butt rope! I've been cry laughing for an hour and my boss just saw why

Aaron Kara
Community Member
1 year ago

Make it look like a little nightmare with too many legs

The Dutches
Community Member
1 year ago

If I have a nightmare, there is always a spider in it.

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Alia G.
Community Member
1 year ago

And paws that look like a kitten's

FortnitePlayerGirl
Community Member
1 year ago

This is why spiders are so cool. JK. I have arachnophobia.

Ronel du Plessis
Community Member
1 year ago

Think He was angry when he created spiders...

Wyndmere
Community Member
1 year ago

I think Regular Matt was drunk when he wrote this.

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wormy
Community Member
1 year ago

Why? What have we done wrong?!

sharron lynn parsons
Community Member
1 year ago

God, please NO spiders !!!

Letitia Hedding
Community Member
1 year ago

butt rope, lol

De'leeze(fka moon)
Community Member
1 year ago

this one really got me.

Otaku panda
Community Member
6 months ago

When u let the ruler of everything get high

gandalf_the_grey
Community Member
8 months ago

And let's make a bunch of humans scared to death of them!

MeganFalcon
Community Member
1 year ago

‘Butt rope’

Sestrel Bethesda
Community Member
1 year ago

Spiders were made by aliens to infiltrate and kill humans. End of.....l

Sel Bonda
Community Member
1 year ago

"...and when the male asks for a blowjob, let the female suck out his life. Amen"

Jenifer Cappello
Community Member
1 year ago

Butt rope!!!!! XD

Irma Goncalves
Community Member
1 year ago

I have pet spiders... Love them

Wyndmere
Community Member
1 year ago

I hate spiders -- we can't be friends.

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Vic
Community Member
1 year ago

Imagine having Spider-Man with butt-rope

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#2

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

ArfMeasures Report

ThatGuv
Community Member
1 year ago

Millipede: *sulking in the corner*

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#3

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Luis Milian
Community Member
1 year ago

One smart Parrot right there.

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#4

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Ronel du Plessis
Community Member
1 year ago

WHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!!! Can imagine that fuck you face

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#5

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

themiltron Report

Kjorn
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

ANGEL: How can i make it undrinkable? GOD: pee in it! That way it will be salty

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#6

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

woodmuffin Report

Gaurav Joshi
Community Member
1 year ago

only if he'd put the heart of a canine

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#7

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

Shen_the_Bird Report

The Dutches
Community Member
1 year ago

Adam: "What do you mean 'I can't'. What happened to my free will?"

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#8

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

thedad Report

Hans
Community Member
1 year ago

Well, at least according to the old testament god would not really be vegan. Or is sacrifying but not eating an animal vegan? I guess not...

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#9

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

diet-tampon Report

Hans
Community Member
1 year ago

Anteater: hmhmhm...nom nom nom nom nom nom nom...

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#10

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Luis Milian
Community Member
1 year ago

well, to be fair he already made it undrinkable.

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#11

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

themiltron Report

Luis Milian
Community Member
1 year ago

he could have kept the part that they die once their needle on its butts comes off...

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#12

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Luis Milian
Community Member
1 year ago

poor Blobfish.

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#13

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Gonzalo Terán
Community Member
1 year ago

GOD: "And for $20 more, I´ll not freeze your ass off to extinction down the line..." MAMMOTH: "Those were my last $20, I don´t have any money left..." GOD: "Though luck, buddy"

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#14

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

thetits Report

Luis Milian
Community Member
1 year ago

and shimmie he did...

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#15

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

roxiqt Report

Hans
Community Member
1 year ago

Oh, did you never see a coconut nurture their young? Remember, they are nocturnal!

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#16

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

PaperWash Report

LOttawa
Community Member
1 year ago

And let the male carry the babies, lots and lots of babies.

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#17

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Luis Milian
Community Member
1 year ago

I wonder what the Moth said to receive his sentence.

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#18

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

roboticcrab Report

-
Community Member
1 year ago

OOOOOOOOOOF (cause, you know, when there was a swarm of frogs to try and free the people from the egyptians?)

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#19

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

Skoogeth Report

Lotte
Community Member
1 year ago

seems like he was trying them all at once

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#20

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

memes_krispy Report

Amy Demo
Community Member
1 year ago

This made me snort! It's so perfect. Lmfao

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#21

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

teeroy99 Report

Luis Milian
Community Member
1 year ago

best creation ever

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#22

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Luis Milian
Community Member
1 year ago

Snake: Shimmies away

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#23

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Daria B
Community Member
1 year ago

We humans kinda envy you sometimes, you sloths....

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#24

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

ginadivittorio Report

Aaron Kara
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

G: Give it the perpetual muscle structure of Dwayne The Rock Johnson - A: Who's Dway- - G: Something I've been working on

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#25

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Gaurav Joshi
Community Member
1 year ago

God: I dont like his attitude, you cant fly

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#26

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

DitzMcGeee Report

athornedrose
Community Member
1 year ago

God: no spoilers gecko! that hasn't happened yet! your time will come!

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#27

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

roboticcrab Report

LOttawa
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

Wouldn't God say OMM (oh my me) instead of OMG (oh my God)?lolll

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#28

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

ArfMeasures Report

Tim P.
Community Member
1 year ago

Good call big guy! Made them economic too! They just eat the grass in the yard

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#29

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

KylePlantEmoji Report

FatBaby
Community Member
1 year ago

That explains

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#30

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

R_P_Nunes Report

Luis Milian
Community Member
1 year ago

hooo would have thought. I'm out

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#31

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

ginadivittorio Report

Erika Jones
Community Member
1 year ago

Make a furry potato on tiny legs that squeaks.

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#32

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

david8hughes Report

released kraken
Community Member
1 year ago

and also you only live about 13 years because your body grows old faster than humans

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#33

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

Skoogeth Report

Queen Bela
Community Member
1 year ago

[and vegans]

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#34

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

Mostly_Cheese Report

Amanda Ferraz
Community Member
1 year ago

There was a study in Brazil, comparing a public bathroom door (not those chemical stalls), a supermarket cart handle and a money bill. I don't remember the exact "winner", just know that bathroom was the less dirty and I think the cart handle was the dirtiest...

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#35

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Luis Milian
Community Member
1 year ago

at least he made Weasels very optimistic

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#36

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

prakhrrrr Report

Gaurav Joshi
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

angels: but aren't those poisonous! God: also make some of them transparent !!!

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#37

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

AtticusFinch79 Report

Bored Phoenix
Community Member
1 year ago

A: Camel

#38

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

thewritertype Report

meow point1
Community Member
1 year ago

So the kind that makes you trip balls are magic?

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#39

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NoTheOtherJohn Report

chi-wei shen
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

"What if one of those fucked a saber tooth tiger" Did BoredPanda forget to censor?

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#40

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

MJ
Community Member
1 year ago

Cock-a-doodle-damn...

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#41

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

TheDreamGhoul Report

Sophia Cai
Community Member
1 year ago

Tie dye chicken

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#42

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Breislitt4
Community Member
1 year ago

OOOOOF

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#43

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

swan_hillary Report

Nawal Wali
Community Member
1 year ago

Oi who said my name lol

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#44

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

EndhooS Report

Bored Phoenix
Community Member
1 year ago

God: [creates Thanksgiving]

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#45

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

yorksranter Report

Bored Phoenix
Community Member
1 year ago

Hahaha

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#46

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

jtp-art Report

Savant
Community Member
1 year ago

and they die when it's too dry or when they touch salt and turn into black sludge which is then forever stuck there...

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#47

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

CharlieFlani Report

CultOfBambi
Community Member
1 year ago

Groan

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#48

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

Deweyoxberg Report

Wyndmere
Community Member
1 year ago

Must be Adam Levine's shirt.

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#49

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

DitzMcGeee Report

Sage Jay
Community Member
1 year ago

This. makes literal no sense

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