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If you've read any Bible teachings, you'll know that Old Testament God is a major asshole. Petty, vain, vindictive, and genocidally violent, he gleefully wrought havoc on his creations before his son eventually showed up with more merciful corrections of God's plans.

So what was up with his creation story in those days, when he was busy making the complex wonders of the world that he would go on to torture sadistically? This collection of tongue-in-cheek religious jokes, collected by us here at Bored Panda, hilariously imagines God's creation strategies as he came up with the animals, the sun, the planets and yes, even those little hell-raisers that he created in his own, twisted image: us. Scroll down below to check the best tweets we've found out for yourself, and don't forget to vote for your 'God creating animals' favorites! (Facebook cover image: Charlie Day)

#5

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

themiltron Report

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kjorn avatar
Kjorn
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ANGEL: How can i make it undrinkable? GOD: pee in it! That way it will be salty

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#8

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

thedad Report

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Hans
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, at least according to the old testament god would not really be vegan. Or is sacrifying but not eating an animal vegan? I guess not...

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#9

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

diet-tampon Report

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#11

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

themiltron Report

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Luis Milian
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

he could have kept the part that they die once their needle on its butts comes off...

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#13

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

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Gonzalo Terán
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

GOD: "And for $20 more, I´ll not freeze your a*s off to extinction down the line..." MAMMOTH: "Those were my last $20, I don´t have any money left..." GOD: "Though luck, buddy"

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#15

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

roxiqt Report

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Hans
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, did you never see a coconut nurture their young? Remember, they are nocturnal!

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#17

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

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#18

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

roboticcrab Report

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-
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OOOOOOOOOOF (cause, you know, when there was a swarm of frogs to try and free the people from the egyptians?)

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#23

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

#24

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

ginadivittorio Report

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Aaron Kara
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

G: Give it the perpetual muscle structure of Dwayne The Rock Johnson - A: Who's Dway- - G: Something I've been working on

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#26

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

DitzMcGeee Report

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athornedrose
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God: no spoilers gecko! that hasn't happened yet! your time will come!

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#27

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

roboticcrab Report

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LOttawa
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wouldn't God say OMM (oh my me) instead of OMG (oh my God)?lolll

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#28

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

ArfMeasures Report

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Tim P.
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good call big guy! Made them economic too! They just eat the grass in the yard

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#32

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david8hughes Report

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released kraken
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

and also you only live about 13 years because your body grows old faster than humans

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#34

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

Mostly_Cheese Report

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Amanda Ferraz
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There was a study in Brazil, comparing a public bathroom door (not those chemical stalls), a supermarket cart handle and a money bill. I don't remember the exact "winner", just know that bathroom was the less dirty and I think the cart handle was the dirtiest...

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#36

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prakhrrrr Report

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Gaurav Joshi
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

angels: but aren't those poisonous! God: also make some of them transparent !!!

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#39

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NoTheOtherJohn Report

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chi-wei shen
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5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"What if one of those f****d a saber tooth tiger" Did BoredPanda forget to censor?

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#46

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jtp-art Report

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Savant
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

and they die when it's too dry or when they touch salt and turn into black sludge which is then forever stuck there...

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