129 Most Far-Fetched Funny Excuses People Used Trying To Pull A Sickie
Don't you even pretend that you've never used a fake excuse to leave work early, end a date, or justify why you haven't done your homework. And while some perhaps use somewhat believable work excuses for being late, such as being stuck in traffic when you simply wanted to get some extra Zzzs, some reasons can get pretty... ridiculous.
While some funny fake excuses may be believable to some level, sometimes, reasons to skip work get so outlandish that they surprise even the ones who have heard it all, aka the HR department. The most ridiculous, stupid excuses people have come up with just show the power of human imagination. However, the dilemma with funny excuses is that if the reason is legit (because sometimes you really do get drunk by accident), do you say the actual cause or come up with a more plausible explanation? Just some food for thought.
However, this is not it if you are looking for a list of excuses to help you pull off a sickie or bulletproof excuses to get out of work. Below, we've compiled a list of funny excuses for missing work that likely were a little too far-fetched and didn't assure a day off. Have you ever used a fake reason to skip work? Or perhaps you work in HR and hear the lamest excuses to get out of work regularly? Let us know!
A random man broke in last night and he’s asleep on my couch.
I have a new puppy and I need to play with him.
I’m pretty high right now. I’m kind of hallucinating.
I accidentally downed a rum and coke this morning, thinking it was just coke.
I have issues and Spiderman is coming over to solve them. Can’t go to school.
Someone stole all my shoes.
My dog asked me to stay home.
My dog’s depressed.
I thought I was sick, but then I realized I wasn’t.
I fell over in the shower and knocked myself out.
A chicken attacked my mother.
My psychic told me not to.
An employee’s wife found out he was cheating, and he had to spend the day retrieving his belongings from the dumpster.
I was really sick tomorrow.
I was in the loo and my legs fell asleep. When I stood up, I fell and broke my ankle.
A fox stole my car keys while I was asleep.
I had a dream that my cat died and now I’m afraid to leave her.
It’s too cold.
I accidentally got on a plane.
I can’t speak.
I thought it was Saturday today.
A cow broke into my house and I’m waiting for the insurance man.
We think the house is haunted so we’ve called a priest.
I don’t know where I am.
I’m stuck under the bed.
An employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn’t get out.
An employee had to mow the lawn to avoid a lawsuit from the Homeowners’ Association.
An employee was blocked in by police raiding her home.
An employee has to take his pet turtle to visit the exotic animal clinic.
An employee was cornered by a moose.
An employee was at their office but fell asleep in the parking lot.
I thought it was supposed to snow today, so I slept in.
A lady was giving birth on the street and I had to help her.
My wife left me and she took my car with her.
I thought I was being followed so I drove to the police station.
My refrigerator fell on me.
I didn't find the classroom in the school.
I got my fingers stuck in a bowling ball.
I broke my little toe.
I rolled out of bed and knocked myself out so I missed my alarm.
My girlfriend bit me in a bad place.
There’s a crocodile in my house.
My goldfish is ill.
There’s a bird in my house – I don’t know what to do.
My cat has hiccups and I can’t leave her.
I got bitten by a snake on my way to work.
A swarm of bees surrounded my car so I couldn’t get in it.
I’m still at the party.
I need a few hours to get the alcohol in my blood down to a legal level.
I climbed a tree to help a cat and now I’m stuck.
It’s my unbirthday!
An employee broke his arm reaching to grab a falling sandwich.
An employee claimed his grandmother poisoned him with ham.
An employee had to attend the funeral of his wife’s cousin’s pet because he was an uncle and pallbearer.
An employee said that someone glued her doors and windows shut so she couldn’t leave the house to come to work.
An employee claimed the ozone in the air flattened his tires.
An employee said she was bitten by a duck.
An employee woke up in a good mood and didn’t want to ruin it.
An employee’s child stuck a mint up his nose and had to go to the ER to remove it.
An employee had a headache after going to too many garage sales.
An employee couldn’t decide what to wear.
An employee ate too much birthday cake.
An employee had a gall stone they wanted to heal holistically.
An employee put petroleum jelly in their eyes.
An employee couldn’t come to work because their mother locked them in a closet.
An employee thought the sunrise was so beautiful that they had to stop and take it in.
An employee said their mother-in-law wouldn’t stop talking.
An employee’s coffee was too hot and they couldn’t leave until it cooled off.
My wife found out I was cheating and threw all my stuff out.
Grandma has lost her glasses and she needs me.
My girlfriend threw a Wii remote at me and it’s chipped my tooth.
An employee was feeling too upset after watching “The Hunger Games.”
A male employee claimed he had morning sickness.
I saw a UFO and I had to stop and observe it.
I was out of cat food so I had to go to the pet store first.
I broke my foot after I got up from the toilet.
My mom didn’t give me breakfast so I waited till lunch time.
I think I’ll be coughing today.
I got bitten by a mosquito.
My (soon-to-be-ex) wife is burning all of my possessions on the front lawn.
An employee couldn’t come in because his llama wouldn’t stop barfing.
An employee called in sick because he ate cat food instead of tuna and was deathly ill.
The employee said that he couldn’t come to work because his fortune-teller had asked him not to step out of the house or he would suffer a brain hemorrhage.
An employee’s false teeth flew out the window while driving down the highway.
An employee was experiencing traumatic stress from a large spider found in her home and had to stay home to deal with it.
An employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry.
An employee forgot he had been hired for the job.
The employee insisted he’d locked himself in his house by mistake and that the house did not have any windows to crawl out of.
An employee hurt his back chasing a beaver.
An employee’s fake eyelashes were stuck together.
An employee accidentally drove to their former employer’s location even though they haven’t worked there for five years.
The bus broke down and the driver wouldn’t let me off.
It’s too hot today. Schools remain shut during hot summer days.
Jack Duckworth died in Corrie last night and I’m in no fit state to face work.
I went to get petrol but I couldn’t get the cap off because my hands are too moisturized, so I had to call my boyfriend to come and do it for me.
I think I’ve been spiked.
It’s a secret. If I tell you, you’ll be in grave danger.
I can’t because of Brexit.
My kid’s pulling a sickie – why can’t I?
An employee had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.
An employee said bats got in her hair.
An employee’s dead grandmother was being exhumed for a police investigation.
An employee said the meal he cooked for a department potluck didn’t turn out well.
An employee had just put a casserole in the oven.
An employee called in sick from a bar at 5:00 p.m. the night before.
An employee though Flag Day was a legal holiday.
An employee was late because they overslept because their kids changed all the clocks in the house.
An employee ordered a pizza that was late being delivered, and they had to be home to accept/pay for it.
I was waiting for an engineer to come round and service my boiler.
I ordered a taxi but it arrived over 20 minutes late.
There was a free giveaway at Costa Coffee but the line was really long.
I poked myself in the eye with a hairbrush.
The teacher gave enough homework for the whole week. I’ll go next week now.
I have a blocked nose.
My football team lost last night.
I have a peg stuck on my tongue.
Something at that party last night must have set my tummy off.
There’s a “hit” out on me.
An employee said he had to watch a soccer game that was being played in Europe.
An employee said his mother made his favorite dish and he ate too much.
An employee said the wind blew the deck off their house.
An employee was offered a grilled cheese sandwich and couldn’t say no.
An employee was an hour late because an astrologer warned them of a car accident on a major highway, so they took all backroads.
An employee claims their dog ate their work schedule.
I cleaned the house so I didn’t have to do it after work.
My convertible is full of flour.
I’m dizzy. I dreamt I was on that roller coaster again.