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25 Universal Dad Sayings And Jokes That Dads Can’t Resist
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Do you know what the best thing about becoming a father is? Getting the dad joke pass. And it doesn't matter if you have a baby on the way and need to learn some quickly or simply like rolling your eyes, there's a lame joke for every father. And the crew at The Dad knows it. They have been tweeting all of the things popular saying by dads, perfectly describing all of our fathers along the way.
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"Kids are the ultimate tweet fodder and that's a universal truth," Joel Willis, the Executive Editor for The Dad, told Bored Panda. "I keep a notepad on my phone and write down the crazy things they say or the hundreds of situations every day that make me say WTF."
"For the 'Dads love' series, I just think about the classic silly jokes we all cringe at when dads say them, but ultimately we find ourselves saying once we become the funny dads ourselves. There's a massive wealth of material there."
However, he isn't the only one working on them. The Dad team has talented creators located all over the place, from NYC to Australia, and they contribute as well. "The team has dozens more of these already written that we'll tweet over time. The world can't handle that much of the best dad jokes all at once. But you haven't seen the end of this series."
But 'Dads love' isn't the only thing they're creating. "I'm most proud of the huge range the brand has. We'll do a ridiculous olive oil prank and follow that with authentic stories about fatherhood. We'll create a viral video called AphukenbrakE and also give $500 each month to dads doing great things."
Or by grabbing your collar and shouting "He's Here! Ive got him!" "Get off Dad I'm 28"
Joel himself has two kids. "My daughter is 9 and my son is 7. They are the best. Non-stop laughs (except when they're whining) and an endless source of meme fodder," he said. "For real, they are so much smarter, funnier, and generally more well-balanced than I will ever be."
"A good dad does the best he can to improve things for his kids, his family, and the community. A good dad makes mistakes, because we all do. Eventually kids grow up and realize that their dad wasn't a superhero after all, but rather a flawed individual trying his best like everyone else. A good dad is someone whose family still looks up to him despite that."
I hated it when people said this when I was a cashier. I usually responded with "nope. I have another way to enter the barcode!"
I didn't know there was an equivalent of that phrase in my native language: ¿Cuanto es el daño? Lol
how weird is that we use the same phrase in Russian? Like word for word. Now I'm wondering where it came from
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I heard it this way: You may not be a window, but you sure are a pane. (pain)
In Brazil is common: "Carne de burro não é transparente" - "Donkey's meat is not transparent" also.
In Honduras is "La Carne de Burro no es Transparente" = Donkey meat is not transparent
Or. If another person has their view blocked "your dad wasn't a glass blower "
In Spanish "la carne de burro no es transparente" = "donkey's flesh isn't transparent"="I can't see trough your body"
My parents always say "la carne de burro no es transparente" which is spanish for "Donkey meat is not transparent" lol
oh my dad loves buying things that are just a bit too expensive, my moms the budgeter in the family
Now that I have experienced the genuine horror of bedbugs, I never, ever say this.
Yeah, my dad did that a lot. Now I do it to my kids. They never do it tho.
As a waitress I fully aid and abet this, "Yeah, he called the manager before ya'll came. You get to do the dishes!" Awesome when the kid believes!
Omg lmfao! I had no idea this was a universal dad thing. My dad has made me do this for over 30 years and now I make my fiancé do it
My dad does this all the time. He even says "tag you're it" on the next call.
Why did the blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
Dad jokes are so bad they're good. My father knew that and told us those jokes all the time.
Ha! That's great!
I'm a dad and I say almost none of these. Maybe it's what our dads say as opposed to what new dads say. I am a fairly new dad, so maybe it hasn't kicked in yet. Should probably give it some time... like that time I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
Just wait, it should come to you naturally
I'm not a father yet, but I say almost all of these.
There you go, you're getting the hang of it with that groaner of a joke.
Today I learned that I have been making Dad jokes for most of my life. :D)))
"Ms.M, you are the father" -Vader
I loved this. My dad does so many of these things
Have an upvote, kid. Not sure what’s going on here...
Phoenix, trump is a troll, most likely has multiple accounts here, notice at the time of this post he has zero down votes and you have many. Yours are most likely all from him/her/it .And now I will get some lol.
Can everyone tell me why I’m getting downvotes?
Bored Phoenix, I’m glad he’s getting downvoted. It serves him right! :)
Oh my goshhhhhh trolls are annoying. Go bully Melenia, dude. Leave Bored Phoenix alone.
He tried to troll me on another post. Needless to say, he didn’t get any support. Just lots of downvotes
Based on what everyone else is saying, you’re pretty young. You should be proud, because, now, a 12 year old knows more vocabulary than the president does
Lol exposed XD
Thank you! I’m in Honors English and am scoring high on my tests.
Ha! President-burn!
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Stop doing this spammer
Besides, remember the last time you tried to troll me. -42 and counting downvotes, and a whole slew of girls hollering at you. I’d be careful if I were you
Sorry. Not a spammer
What do you mean “spammer”? She only posted one comment!
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Bored Phoenix you should be ashamed
Bet Bored Phoenix can say origins when needed and not come out with 'oranges' instead.
Why? You have children. You’re a dad. What’s wrong with me commenting on this? I’m genuinely curious.
Max, he’s probably not
She has a point, Donald. YOU are a dad.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Is this the real Donald Trump?
What about the one where they'll go "What?" after you make a hearing loss comment?
I wear a hearing aid and have trouble hearing in some environments - I can tell you this joke never gets old with some people.
My husband lost some of his hearing on deployment and he totally milks it. He can't hear me when I ask him to unload the dishwasher, while standing right beside him. But he can hear me call him a twat, under my breath, as I walk away. Lol.
Thanks I got it that time.
Repeated comment vanished.
What? Say it again.
Dads (Men) will always say “Well, that’s not going anywhere” after securing any kind of load to a vehicle.
If I ever tell my dad that I’m “just chilling,” he ALWAYS says “don’t freeze!” Lol
I'm a mum and I say most of these to my 3 boys :/
My dad routinely says "I'm not telling you what to do, but..." before telling me what to do. He also asks me if I've seen Stranger Things (or any other program) at least 800 times per week, regardless of my answer.
My dad's old toaster on wheels (a van that was basically shaped like... well, you get the idea) had some kind of defect where you could actually take the keys out of the ignition and shut the engine off while driving. His favorite gag was to wait until we were within a safe coasting distance from our parking space, and then pull the keys out and hand it to either me or my sister (whichever of us happened to be riding shotgun). "Here, hold these."
My Dad used to wake me up for school by throwing my bedroom door open, flipping on the overhead light and yelling "WAKE UP AND PISS!! THE WORLD'S ON FIRE!!"
For my dad it was every time he burped "Did you hear that bear?" Anytime he farted "There's those barking spiders again." And anytime we got in the car for a road trip we were "Off like a dirty shirt" or "Off like a herd of turtles...."
Dads love to say "now go straight home and don't get into any trouble on the way" when the neighbours have been over and are leaving. Or is that just my dad?
I think I might be a dad.
I am guilty of a good 90% of these!
I guess it's because you go to work to pay the bills and everyone be else at home thinks money falls from sky. It's a gentle way of reminding them of what many many men do for their loved ones.
My dad used to say "You are not made of glass" when someone was standing in front of TV. 😊
There is no universal saying. "Common" would have been more accurate.
I am a single 31 yr old woman, and I do nearly all of these lol
Damn, I must be a dad
Actually, mom's day these too. It all depends what generations you are in and what the sayings at the time were. In 30 years I doubt you'll be hearing "I know, right?"
I do all of these and I'm not even a dad XD
Missed the top ones: "I'm hungry" - "Hi hungry, I'm dad!"....... * kid runs into something* Dad: Go around it, not through it.............. "Dad, could you make me a sandwich?" - *waves invisible wand* "POOF, you're a sandwich!"......... "Well..." - "That's a deep subject!"
Until now I didn´t know I am a man.. and that I have children.. : )
Until now I didn´t know I am a man... and that I have children : )
More like mom jokes for me , my "dad" was the joke himself
This is nOT OKAY I am a 15 year old female and I have said almost EVERY SINGLE ONE of these what the hELL
*doctor voice* You seem to have Young Girl Dad-itis, a rare condition that causes young girls and not dads to tell Dad Jokes. While it isn't curable, it does not do any harm to the victim.
I'm kinda embarrassed by how many of these I've used. I'd quit but my kids would think I'd been taken over by some kind of alien mind meld.
I mean, my dad says a few of these things SOMETIMES, but way more often when I was a literal child and not now when my brother and I are in our twenties.
I love all of these :)
This reminds me of those Progressive commercials about turning into your dad lol. The part with the butterscotch candies always gets me- my grandpa used to carry those in his pockets.
if we ask my dad where hes going if he gets in the car, he almost always says "to the moon"
This is the worst posting ever by BP. This is based on immigrants who translated jokes from back home and mysoginistic ideologies. Before posting such garbage, do your research. This wasn't funny. Rather lame and just click bait and effortless. If your dad did all this, means he was passive aggressive and belittled your mother.... Just saying.
Why did the blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
Dad jokes are so bad they're good. My father knew that and told us those jokes all the time.
Ha! That's great!
I'm a dad and I say almost none of these. Maybe it's what our dads say as opposed to what new dads say. I am a fairly new dad, so maybe it hasn't kicked in yet. Should probably give it some time... like that time I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
Just wait, it should come to you naturally
I'm not a father yet, but I say almost all of these.
There you go, you're getting the hang of it with that groaner of a joke.
Today I learned that I have been making Dad jokes for most of my life. :D)))
"Ms.M, you are the father" -Vader
I loved this. My dad does so many of these things
Have an upvote, kid. Not sure what’s going on here...
Phoenix, trump is a troll, most likely has multiple accounts here, notice at the time of this post he has zero down votes and you have many. Yours are most likely all from him/her/it .And now I will get some lol.
Can everyone tell me why I’m getting downvotes?
Bored Phoenix, I’m glad he’s getting downvoted. It serves him right! :)
Oh my goshhhhhh trolls are annoying. Go bully Melenia, dude. Leave Bored Phoenix alone.
He tried to troll me on another post. Needless to say, he didn’t get any support. Just lots of downvotes
Based on what everyone else is saying, you’re pretty young. You should be proud, because, now, a 12 year old knows more vocabulary than the president does
Lol exposed XD
Thank you! I’m in Honors English and am scoring high on my tests.
Ha! President-burn!
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Stop doing this spammer
Besides, remember the last time you tried to troll me. -42 and counting downvotes, and a whole slew of girls hollering at you. I’d be careful if I were you
Sorry. Not a spammer
What do you mean “spammer”? She only posted one comment!
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Bored Phoenix you should be ashamed
Bet Bored Phoenix can say origins when needed and not come out with 'oranges' instead.
Why? You have children. You’re a dad. What’s wrong with me commenting on this? I’m genuinely curious.
Max, he’s probably not
She has a point, Donald. YOU are a dad.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Is this the real Donald Trump?
What about the one where they'll go "What?" after you make a hearing loss comment?
I wear a hearing aid and have trouble hearing in some environments - I can tell you this joke never gets old with some people.
My husband lost some of his hearing on deployment and he totally milks it. He can't hear me when I ask him to unload the dishwasher, while standing right beside him. But he can hear me call him a twat, under my breath, as I walk away. Lol.
Thanks I got it that time.
Repeated comment vanished.
What? Say it again.
Dads (Men) will always say “Well, that’s not going anywhere” after securing any kind of load to a vehicle.
If I ever tell my dad that I’m “just chilling,” he ALWAYS says “don’t freeze!” Lol
I'm a mum and I say most of these to my 3 boys :/
My dad routinely says "I'm not telling you what to do, but..." before telling me what to do. He also asks me if I've seen Stranger Things (or any other program) at least 800 times per week, regardless of my answer.
My dad's old toaster on wheels (a van that was basically shaped like... well, you get the idea) had some kind of defect where you could actually take the keys out of the ignition and shut the engine off while driving. His favorite gag was to wait until we were within a safe coasting distance from our parking space, and then pull the keys out and hand it to either me or my sister (whichever of us happened to be riding shotgun). "Here, hold these."
My Dad used to wake me up for school by throwing my bedroom door open, flipping on the overhead light and yelling "WAKE UP AND PISS!! THE WORLD'S ON FIRE!!"
For my dad it was every time he burped "Did you hear that bear?" Anytime he farted "There's those barking spiders again." And anytime we got in the car for a road trip we were "Off like a dirty shirt" or "Off like a herd of turtles...."
Dads love to say "now go straight home and don't get into any trouble on the way" when the neighbours have been over and are leaving. Or is that just my dad?
I think I might be a dad.
I am guilty of a good 90% of these!
I guess it's because you go to work to pay the bills and everyone be else at home thinks money falls from sky. It's a gentle way of reminding them of what many many men do for their loved ones.
My dad used to say "You are not made of glass" when someone was standing in front of TV. 😊
There is no universal saying. "Common" would have been more accurate.
I am a single 31 yr old woman, and I do nearly all of these lol
Damn, I must be a dad
Actually, mom's day these too. It all depends what generations you are in and what the sayings at the time were. In 30 years I doubt you'll be hearing "I know, right?"
I do all of these and I'm not even a dad XD
Missed the top ones: "I'm hungry" - "Hi hungry, I'm dad!"....... * kid runs into something* Dad: Go around it, not through it.............. "Dad, could you make me a sandwich?" - *waves invisible wand* "POOF, you're a sandwich!"......... "Well..." - "That's a deep subject!"
Until now I didn´t know I am a man.. and that I have children.. : )
Until now I didn´t know I am a man... and that I have children : )
More like mom jokes for me , my "dad" was the joke himself
This is nOT OKAY I am a 15 year old female and I have said almost EVERY SINGLE ONE of these what the hELL
*doctor voice* You seem to have Young Girl Dad-itis, a rare condition that causes young girls and not dads to tell Dad Jokes. While it isn't curable, it does not do any harm to the victim.
I'm kinda embarrassed by how many of these I've used. I'd quit but my kids would think I'd been taken over by some kind of alien mind meld.
I mean, my dad says a few of these things SOMETIMES, but way more often when I was a literal child and not now when my brother and I are in our twenties.
I love all of these :)
This reminds me of those Progressive commercials about turning into your dad lol. The part with the butterscotch candies always gets me- my grandpa used to carry those in his pockets.
if we ask my dad where hes going if he gets in the car, he almost always says "to the moon"
This is the worst posting ever by BP. This is based on immigrants who translated jokes from back home and mysoginistic ideologies. Before posting such garbage, do your research. This wasn't funny. Rather lame and just click bait and effortless. If your dad did all this, means he was passive aggressive and belittled your mother.... Just saying.