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There are very few things in life that feel better than one-upping someone. Not too many of us will admit it, but it feels absolutely amazing when you prove someone wrong, show everyone you're right, and demolish others with well-placed witty comebacks. The best roasts end up on the 'Clever Comebacks' subreddit, a community of nearly 754k members, eagerly combing the corners of the internet for humorous, witty, and razor-sharp comebacks.

When it comes to being witty, there are two general approaches. The first one is firing off an instant quip, taking advantage of the perfect timing. It's a skill that you can develop over time. The second approach is taking a bit more time and carefully honing the perfect response for each situation. That's much easier done on the internet than in real life, but it's also something we can all do, no matter our current skill in cleverly taking others down a peg or two.

London-based British musical stand-up comedian, author, and comedy writer Ariane Sherine highlighted to Bored Panda in a follow-up interview what's most important when it comes to a clever comeback. "I think the most important thing with comebacks is speed. Even if the joke isn't a total zinger, people will be impressed by your quickfire response," she said. Read on for her other insights about how we can all up our comedy game.

You'll find Bored Panda's earlier post about r/clevercomebacks right over here. Be sure to give it a read once you're done enjoying this list and upvoting the comebacks and epic burns that you personally feel deserve calling the fire brigade over.

#1

Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

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Julie C Rose
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not to mention the part about forgetting his birthday for three years. While there are absolutely parents who are this bad and much, much worse, the wording of the letter sounds like someone who is mimicking a homophobic piece of garbage so they can have the satisfaction of seeing the columnist’s response, rather than an actual homophobic piece of garbage.

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Legen ( wait for it ) dary
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey Foxxy, hope you are doing well. I was already wondering where have you been, since I didn't "hear" from you for a couple of posts. Nice that you are back.

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Vorknkx
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I woke up this morning, I spontaneously decided to be gay today... but only until the evening, then I'll switch back to being straight (around 18:00). Yeah, it's as easy as that :)

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Full of Giggles
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve always asked anti-LGBQT if homosexuality is a choice, how do they know they’re heterosexual?

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Isa Car
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, clearly they CHOSE to only act on heterosexual urges - in other words, they are bi or something like that. :P

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Ryan Deschanel
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"My mother forgot my birthday... So I will choose to be hated, discriminated against, live in constant fear and danger while being certain I will burn in hell forever unless I remain lonely and miserable for life, that will teach her." She is stupid and ignorant... but at least, she tried to change him (although it is impossible) instead of disowning him. If I had a choice, I would rather have had such parents than bruises and bitterness.

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Iggy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It doesn't say anywhere that the parent was the mother. Grand bit of sexism you've got going there. As for the rest of your comment, bruises can be on the inside too when people are crushed by being made to feel there's something wrong with them. God only knows what that lad is going through in that house. Awful parenting takes many forms.

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The Chosen One
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are multiple things wrong with this parent. Like not only are you homophobic you forgot your own son's birthday? I don't care how busy your work schedule is forgetting your kids birthday isn't ok much less 3 YEARS IN A ROW

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JessG
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I knew the question would be awful as soon as I read: "I'm part of a church group...I'm afraid they will make fun of ME..."!! Yeah, who cares about him right? You don't want them to make fun of YOU. Smh, wow. Such a great response. I don't know if this is real, but I have NO doubt there are people out there that are this ignorant, unfortunately

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IlovemydogShilo
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s such a shame in this day and age that there are still people out there who think being gay is a choice but being backward, bigoted, judgemental and homophobic is not. I am straight but I know who’s company I would rather be in any day.🥰🥰 ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🥰💖💖

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Seabeast
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Forgetting his birthday for the past three years... well, you're a pretty terrible parent. Leaving aside the gayness, I'm sure he feels betrayed by you.

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Heather Makemson
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love it when a religion centered around a man who loved so purely & unconditionally that he hung out with societies outliers somehow turn this gift into a banner of the literal opposite message- hate & intolerance. Talk about missing the message.

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Bill Taylor
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Find a new church and new friends, stop worrying about what everyone thinks, it will change your life in a very positive way.

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pusheen buttercup
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Further, she's more worried for herself than her son... Like she doesn't care if people make fun of him

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Don't Look
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This... this is what happens when you can’t bring yourself to care anymore, huh? This is it.

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A Random Panda
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How the hot poop does she she want there to do that? "A curse on you: you are now straight. Begone, foul homosexuality!"

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urszulat
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The best riposte to "being gay is a choice" that I've ever seen.

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Tabby Dowling
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Homosexuality is a choice whether bigots want to accept that or not. We are not monogendered. We are not like some amphibians or reptiles and can change sex or show up randomly pregnant. The alphabet people are a product of severe mental illness and social constructs. End of story.

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John Dough
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You need to take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself why you are so homophobic. Your ugliness is not going to do you any favors. You'll find some day if you haven't already that being such an awful person isn't a good choice.

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Laura Nicole
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope to evolution that this is fake and just someone messing around

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#2

You Can Still Breathe Idiot

You Can Still Breathe Idiot

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Julie C Rose
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, the subject of double masking among people outside healthcare wouldn’t even have come up if Trumpy boy hadn’t been all “RAMPANTLY SPREADING COVID IN THE COMMUNITY IS FREEEEEEEEEEDUMB!!!1!” Signed, Our prime minister doesn’t like covid

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#3

It's Already Happening

It's Already Happening

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Sum Guy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Isn't dean browning the guy who said "I'm a black guy and I can say Obama personally did nothing for me"

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Ariane told us that most stand-up comics have a "repertoire of comebacks" that they often share with others in their profession when it comes to tackling hecklers at shows. "We're not all as fast and talented as it seems! But if we're doing stand-up, our own routines will be original—it's just heckle putdowns that might not be," she said.

#4

Hypocritical, Hyperbolic, And Hyper Stupid

Hypocritical, Hyperbolic, And Hyper Stupid

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#5

Room Temperature Iq

Room Temperature Iq

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Someone from the US talking about rights is quite ironic in my opinion. Although I don’t see anywhere that suggests Gary is from the US.

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Comedian Ariane also opened up about an "awful stand-up show" that left her incredibly embarrassed. However humiliating the situation was, it was also an example of razor-like wit in action. "I started a joke by saying 'I'm single at the moment...' and a guy in the audience yelled, 'I'll shag you!' So I called his bluff and said, 'Come on up here then' and he shot back, 'Nah, I've taken a closer look and I don't fancy you!' Really humiliating and not much fun at all, but possibly quite amusing for the audience."

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#7

I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before

I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before

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Laura Mende (Human)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok, cool answer for that MF. BUT MUFASA!!! 😭😭😭😭😭 THIS WAS THE DAY MY CHILDHOOD ENDED!!!

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Ariane added that you gain emotional resilience as a comedian by becoming more experienced and practised at the comebacks. "You don't want to give them the chance to reject you, as I did previously— you've got to get in there first with a funny insult!"

#10

Simple, Yet Effective

Simple, Yet Effective

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Lauren Caswell
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a stupid tautology of a statement ffs. PSA: Feminism isn't attacking men for being men. It's equal right. So tiring to see this nonsense

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#11

Illegal Plants

Illegal Plants

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Sum Guy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's why you never use religion to explain something... it often times contradicts itself.

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#12

Philip Brought A Tank In A Knife Fight

Philip Brought A Tank In A Knife Fight

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For those of us who have some trouble firing off clever retors, Ariane said that we can always take inspiration from comedians if things don't come naturally to us. "As I say, heckle putdowns are generally shared among comics so there's no code of honour when it comes to using them (but you mustn't nick original stand-up material!)" she said.

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#13

I Should Be Allowed To Pick The Oil Company I Die And Kill For!

I Should Be Allowed To Pick The Oil Company I Die And Kill For!

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#14

Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?

Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?

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#15

Looking For Approval In All The Wrong Places

Looking For Approval In All The Wrong Places

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Earlier, I spoke to comedian Ariane about wit, comebacks, and comedic timing. The professional comedian explained to Bored Panda that when it comes to witty comebacks, they can be spontaneous as well as planned out.

#16

Common Sense Is Really Rare These Days

Common Sense Is Really Rare These Days

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#17

Whatttt !?? No Vegan Options At KFC!???

Whatttt !?? No Vegan Options At KFC!???

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cybermerlin2000
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an amateur astronomer, I found this very informative. I will avoid World of Carpets. Thanks for the heads up

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#18

Damn... Guess My Opinion Is Invalid

Damn... Guess My Opinion Is Invalid

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A lot depends on the person thinking up the comeback as well as the particular situation they're in. After all, we've all had moments when we fire off a joke that's 10/10 without knowing how it came to us. We've also been in situations where we're in the shower washing our hair, and we suddenly come up with the ideal comeback to something someone said a week ago. Alas! Usually, it's too late to deploy that perfect comeback because it's far, far too late.

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#20

Maybe I Am Karen?

Maybe I Am Karen?

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#21

Bill Burr Everybody

Bill Burr Everybody

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Watching
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Got a love the religious right. Always the first to depend pedophilia.

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"I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous," Ariane shared. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."

#24

Vandalized Pineapple

Vandalized Pineapple

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As for finding the line between a regular comeback and one that makes you laugh out loud, according to comedian Ariane, it's clear for everyone to see when the comeback's good and when it falls flat on its face. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." When you break it down like that, the art of the comeback becomes even more daunting than it was before.

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Fortunately, our subconscious mind kicks in and takes over from us when we least expect it. (It could do that more often because it's bloody brilliant when it takes charge.) "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!" Ariane shared that it doesn't happen nearly as often as we'd like.

#25

When You Get Shot Down By Facts

When You Get Shot Down By Facts

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Grumble O'Pug
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jim Hoft: thank you for braying your stupidity 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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#27

Who’ll Email You When You Block Him More Like This

Who’ll Email You When You Block Him More Like This

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Founded back in 2018, the 'Clever Comebacks' subreddit celebrated its third birthday back in January. Since then, it's amassed a huge following that keeps on growing. Since our last post about the community in December 2020, the number of members has grown from 679k to almost 754k.

Not everyone has the nuanced point of view that witty comebacks can be either impulsive or planned out. According to Rhea Wessel writing for the BBC, witty comebacks can only be made in the moment and timing is vital. Without it, there's no wit and no comeback worth remembering.

#28

They Lack Opposable Thumbs

They Lack Opposable Thumbs

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Lauren Caswell
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What's with the antivaxxers thinking they are lions, I've seen a few of this. Poor lions, we musn't tar them with such a dumbass brush

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#29

Other People’s Kids Is A Surprisingly Great Form Of Birth Control

Other People’s Kids Is A Surprisingly Great Form Of Birth Control

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#30

This Is Not Your Business There Is A Something To Consider, You And Your Boss Do Illegal Things Every Day

This Is Not Your Business There Is A Something To Consider, You And Your Boss Do Illegal Things Every Day

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While we all secretly enjoy a spot of dark humor here and there, there's an advantage to choosing to go for more positive comebacks instead of negative ones. "Often the best retorts are comebacks that are witty, take the higher moral ground, are appropriate and most importantly, positive," Rhea writes on BBC Worklife.

Choosing positive comebacks over negative ones is especially important in a work setting which can affect the atmosphere and how employees feel about their jobs. "Positive comments are a far better tool for keeping projects on track while showing your love of linguistic acrobatics. Others will find the humor in them and you may see negative interactions quickly cease," Rhea explains.

#33

Totally True

Totally True

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Sum Guy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also show me cain and abel's marriage certificates to their sisters

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#35

Now That Is Some Comeback!

Now That Is Some Comeback!

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Lauren Caswell
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's actually a cute way to turn a self depreciating put down type of thing into a sweet potential date or friend :)

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#39

Found On Fb... Personally I Found The Response To Be Quite A Zinger

Found On Fb... Personally I Found The Response To Be Quite A Zinger

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#41

Colorado Didn't Send Their Best Or Brightest

Colorado Didn't Send Their Best Or Brightest

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#44

I Would Prefer "Beeeeees Run Run"

I Would Prefer "Beeeeees Run Run"

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#45

Fascists Calling Others Fascists

Fascists Calling Others Fascists

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Grumble O'Pug
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And a slew of chumpanzee twits who grew up on legitimate press suddenly believe in a fraudster like trump. Insane

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#46

Savage Comeback

Savage Comeback

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will add another, largely denies women’s rights for example domestic violence, sexual assault etc.

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#47

I Am More Better Than Everyone

I Am More Better Than Everyone

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#48

Kaepernick Has Entered The Chat

Kaepernick Has Entered The Chat

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Sum Guy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The amounts of cults in the US is scary... how else would explain the republican party

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#50

Vaccinated Politician Tries To Call Out Elitism

Vaccinated Politician Tries To Call Out Elitism

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Note: this post originally had 95 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.