ADVERTISEMENT

There are very few things in life that feel better than one-upping someone. Not too many of us will admit it, but it feels absolutely amazing when you prove someone wrong, show everyone you're right, and demolish others with well-placed witty comebacks. The best roasts end up on the 'Clever Comebacks' subreddit, a community of nearly 754k members, eagerly combing the corners of the internet for humorous, witty, and razor-sharp comebacks.

When it comes to being witty, there are two general approaches. The first one is firing off an instant quip, taking advantage of the perfect timing. It's a skill that you can develop over time. The second approach is taking a bit more time and carefully honing the perfect response for each situation. That's much easier done on the internet than in real life, but it's also something we can all do, no matter our current skill in cleverly taking others down a peg or two.

London-based British musical stand-up comedian, author, and comedy writer Ariane Sherine highlighted to Bored Panda in a follow-up interview what's most important when it comes to a clever comeback. "I think the most important thing with comebacks is speed. Even if the joke isn't a total zinger, people will be impressed by your quickfire response," she said. Read on for her other insights about how we can all up our comedy game.

You'll find Bored Panda's earlier post about r/clevercomebacks right over here. Be sure to give it a read once you're done enjoying this list and upvoting the comebacks and epic burns that you personally feel deserve calling the fire brigade over.

#1

Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

reddit.com Report

#2

You Can Still Breathe Idiot

You Can Still Breathe Idiot

bigcheese6 Report

Add photo comments
POST
julie_rose_translator avatar
Julie C Rose
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, the subject of double masking among people outside healthcare wouldn’t even have come up if Trumpy boy hadn’t been all “RAMPANTLY SPREADING COVID IN THE COMMUNITY IS FREEEEEEEEEEDUMB!!!1!” Signed, Our prime minister doesn’t like covid

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#3

It's Already Happening

It's Already Happening

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
wandiledludlu avatar
Sum Guy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Isn't dean browning the guy who said "I'm a black guy and I can say Obama personally did nothing for me"

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu

Ariane told us that most stand-up comics have a "repertoire of comebacks" that they often share with others in their profession when it comes to tackling hecklers at shows. "We're not all as fast and talented as it seems! But if we're doing stand-up, our own routines will be original—it's just heckle putdowns that might not be," she said.

#4

Hypocritical, Hyperbolic, And Hyper Stupid

Hypocritical, Hyperbolic, And Hyper Stupid

reddit.com Report

#5

Room Temperature Iq

Room Temperature Iq

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
james_fox1984 avatar
Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Someone from the US talking about rights is quite ironic in my opinion. Although I don’t see anywhere that suggests Gary is from the US.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu

Comedian Ariane also opened up about an "awful stand-up show" that left her incredibly embarrassed. However humiliating the situation was, it was also an example of razor-like wit in action. "I started a joke by saying 'I'm single at the moment...' and a guy in the audience yelled, 'I'll shag you!' So I called his bluff and said, 'Come on up here then' and he shot back, 'Nah, I've taken a closer look and I don't fancy you!' Really humiliating and not much fun at all, but possibly quite amusing for the audience."

ADVERTISEMENT
#7

I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before

I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
1998-mende-laura avatar
Laura Mende (Human)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok, cool answer for that MF. BUT MUFASA!!! 😭😭😭😭😭 THIS WAS THE DAY MY CHILDHOOD ENDED!!!

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT

Ariane added that you gain emotional resilience as a comedian by becoming more experienced and practised at the comebacks. "You don't want to give them the chance to reject you, as I did previously— you've got to get in there first with a funny insult!"

#10

Simple, Yet Effective

Simple, Yet Effective

Captain_Keyboard_Man Report

Add photo comments
POST
laurencaswell4 avatar
Lauren Caswell
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a stupid tautology of a statement ffs. PSA: Feminism isn't attacking men for being men. It's equal right. So tiring to see this nonsense

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#11

Illegal Plants

Illegal Plants

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
wandiledludlu avatar
Sum Guy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's why you never use religion to explain something... it often times contradicts itself.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#12

Philip Brought A Tank In A Knife Fight

Philip Brought A Tank In A Knife Fight

whymynamedoesnotfi Report

For those of us who have some trouble firing off clever retors, Ariane said that we can always take inspiration from comedians if things don't come naturally to us. "As I say, heckle putdowns are generally shared among comics so there's no code of honour when it comes to using them (but you mustn't nick original stand-up material!)" she said.

ADVERTISEMENT
#13

I Should Be Allowed To Pick The Oil Company I Die And Kill For!

I Should Be Allowed To Pick The Oil Company I Die And Kill For!

reddit.com Report

#14

Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?

Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?

reddit.com Report

#15

Looking For Approval In All The Wrong Places

Looking For Approval In All The Wrong Places

robaato72 Report

Earlier, I spoke to comedian Ariane about wit, comebacks, and comedic timing. The professional comedian explained to Bored Panda that when it comes to witty comebacks, they can be spontaneous as well as planned out.

#16

Common Sense Is Really Rare These Days

Common Sense Is Really Rare These Days

productivitybeginner Report

#17

Whatttt !?? No Vegan Options At KFC!???

Whatttt !?? No Vegan Options At KFC!???

FitzRowe Report

Add photo comments
POST
cybermerlin2000 avatar
cybermerlin2000
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an amateur astronomer, I found this very informative. I will avoid World of Carpets. Thanks for the heads up

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#18

Damn... Guess My Opinion Is Invalid

Damn... Guess My Opinion Is Invalid

reddit.com Report

A lot depends on the person thinking up the comeback as well as the particular situation they're in. After all, we've all had moments when we fire off a joke that's 10/10 without knowing how it came to us. We've also been in situations where we're in the shower washing our hair, and we suddenly come up with the ideal comeback to something someone said a week ago. Alas! Usually, it's too late to deploy that perfect comeback because it's far, far too late.

ADVERTISEMENT
#20

Maybe I Am Karen?

Maybe I Am Karen?

reddit.com Report

#21

Bill Burr Everybody

Bill Burr Everybody

JustDanLee87 Report

Add photo comments
POST
jflatt244 avatar
Watching
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Got a love the religious right. Always the first to depend pedophilia.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu

"I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous," Ariane shared. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."

#24

Vandalized Pineapple

Vandalized Pineapple

reddit.com Report

As for finding the line between a regular comeback and one that makes you laugh out loud, according to comedian Ariane, it's clear for everyone to see when the comeback's good and when it falls flat on its face. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." When you break it down like that, the art of the comeback becomes even more daunting than it was before.

ADVERTISEMENT

Fortunately, our subconscious mind kicks in and takes over from us when we least expect it. (It could do that more often because it's bloody brilliant when it takes charge.) "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!" Ariane shared that it doesn't happen nearly as often as we'd like.

#25

When You Get Shot Down By Facts

When You Get Shot Down By Facts

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
johanna_zamora avatar
Grumble O'Pug
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jim Hoft: thank you for braying your stupidity 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
See Also on Bored Panda
#27

Who’ll Email You When You Block Him More Like This

Who’ll Email You When You Block Him More Like This

reddit.com Report

Founded back in 2018, the 'Clever Comebacks' subreddit celebrated its third birthday back in January. Since then, it's amassed a huge following that keeps on growing. Since our last post about the community in December 2020, the number of members has grown from 679k to almost 754k.

Not everyone has the nuanced point of view that witty comebacks can be either impulsive or planned out. According to Rhea Wessel writing for the BBC, witty comebacks can only be made in the moment and timing is vital. Without it, there's no wit and no comeback worth remembering.

#28

They Lack Opposable Thumbs

They Lack Opposable Thumbs

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
laurencaswell4 avatar
Lauren Caswell
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What's with the antivaxxers thinking they are lions, I've seen a few of this. Poor lions, we musn't tar them with such a dumbass brush

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#29

Other People’s Kids Is A Surprisingly Great Form Of Birth Control

Other People’s Kids Is A Surprisingly Great Form Of Birth Control

reddit.com Report

#30

This Is Not Your Business There Is A Something To Consider, You And Your Boss Do Illegal Things Every Day

This Is Not Your Business There Is A Something To Consider, You And Your Boss Do Illegal Things Every Day

reddit.com Report

While we all secretly enjoy a spot of dark humor here and there, there's an advantage to choosing to go for more positive comebacks instead of negative ones. "Often the best retorts are comebacks that are witty, take the higher moral ground, are appropriate and most importantly, positive," Rhea writes on BBC Worklife.

Choosing positive comebacks over negative ones is especially important in a work setting which can affect the atmosphere and how employees feel about their jobs. "Positive comments are a far better tool for keeping projects on track while showing your love of linguistic acrobatics. Others will find the humor in them and you may see negative interactions quickly cease," Rhea explains.

#33

Totally True

Totally True

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
wandiledludlu avatar
Sum Guy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also show me cain and abel's marriage certificates to their sisters

cybermerlin2000 avatar
cybermerlin2000
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As Eve was effectively cloned from Adams rib, sex between them could be classed as narcissistic incest but then you could say that Adam was the first person to go f**k himself

sylvia-wachs avatar
sylvantic
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

and to people who say sex is only for reproduction: have you heard of bonobos?

kayrose avatar
RoseTheMad
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Something tells me Kristin aint getting any anytime soon xD

miles_1 avatar
Miles
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If they weren't married, when were they dating, Bill?

jessgunn77 avatar
JessG
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone that wants to spout out what is sin and what isn't, feels free to pick and choose whichever ones they want to follow. The whole idea of "sin" is ridiculous and hypocritical

nikkiowens avatar
Nikki Owens
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That just means *people* are ridiculous & hypocritical, not the idea of sin itself.

Load More Replies...
makaylargardner avatar
BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish people would stop using religion for this stuff. It's pretty disrespectful and God doesn't care about this stuff. He'll let anyone into heaven no matter what they do.

zachheimann avatar
Zach Heimann
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, since Adam and Eve only had two sons, that means all homophobic Christians are hypocrites.

mosesmoses avatar
MOSES Moses
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kristin, do animals have sex? Or are they just playing around?

karldee avatar
KaRl Dee
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One could also argue Adam and Eve's relationship was incestuous.

leighm avatar
Dodo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Could probably argue it was just masturbation. Eve was made from Adam, after all.

Load More Replies...
pusheenbuttercup avatar
pusheen buttercup
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But the only person that gets to make me miserable with their opinion is gramma- the rest of you, mind your own beeswax

allyssa-murrah avatar
bxttery_bxby
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, between and husband and a husband and a wife and a wife. And technically, wasn't sex created by the devil since the while "sex before marriage" thing is a sin? EDIT: Idk I'm an atheist so like, tell me if I'm wrong.

delphinum4 avatar
Zophra
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Shame God didn't think to instill an automatic sex-drive initiation at marriage physiology. (eye roll)

andreadevine avatar
Full of Giggles
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But if you’re a gay or lesbian couple, you can have all the sex you want as long as you are dating.

kjorn avatar
kjorn
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

did god created eve with adam's rib? so basically she's her sister right?

lauverom avatar
Laura Myszkowski
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did you know that Adam gave his wife the name Eve AFTER they had sinned and were expelled from the Garden? He literally threw everything away for a person he hardly knew

cmuraspunk avatar
Alphabet Soupy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He knew no one else, though. (Apologies if this was supposed to be a joke, missing the /s and we’ve all heard some whoppers!)

Load More Replies...
dysamoria-accounts avatar
Jace
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Religious people are crazy. I don't care for any of this "respect my religion" nonsense. You can HAVE one, and no law should try to forbid it (because prohibition does not work), but there is NO requirement for anyone to RESPECT your ludicrous nonsense. Living in a society that acts like this crazy s**t is normal... is creepy. Like I'm surrounded by cultists. Because I am.

itsjustme223 avatar
Shane S
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This just screams “I am a boring lay and will only do missionary”.

eilerch2 avatar
Chenandoa
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The way I've been taught is sex IS marriage...which means many people have multiple spouses...

matthewd_1 avatar
Matthew d
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey Bill, why don't you prove they didn't have one. Burden of proof is always on the denier....

eb306257 avatar
Monolicle Potato
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean, technically the first one was correct. Sex without marriage is supposedly a sin, but I don’t judge. That’s not my jurisdiction.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#35

Now That Is Some Comeback!

Now That Is Some Comeback!

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
laurencaswell4 avatar
Lauren Caswell
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's actually a cute way to turn a self depreciating put down type of thing into a sweet potential date or friend :)

View more commentsArrow down menu
See Also on Bored Panda
#39

Found On Fb... Personally I Found The Response To Be Quite A Zinger

Found On Fb... Personally I Found The Response To Be Quite A Zinger

reddit.com Report

#41

Colorado Didn't Send Their Best Or Brightest

Colorado Didn't Send Their Best Or Brightest

reddit.com Report

#44

I Would Prefer "Beeeeees Run Run"

I Would Prefer "Beeeeees Run Run"

reddit.com Report

#45

Fascists Calling Others Fascists

Fascists Calling Others Fascists

reddit.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
johanna_zamora avatar
Grumble O'Pug
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And a slew of chumpanzee twits who grew up on legitimate press suddenly believe in a fraudster like trump. Insane

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#46

Savage Comeback

Savage Comeback

reddit.com , twitter.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
james_fox1984 avatar
Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will add another, largely denies women’s rights for example domestic violence, sexual assault etc.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#47

I Am More Better Than Everyone

I Am More Better Than Everyone

reddit.com Report

#48

Kaepernick Has Entered The Chat

Kaepernick Has Entered The Chat

reddit.com , twitter.com Report

Add photo comments
POST
wandiledludlu avatar
Sum Guy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The amounts of cults in the US is scary... how else would explain the republican party

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
See Also on Bored Panda
#50

Vaccinated Politician Tries To Call Out Elitism

Vaccinated Politician Tries To Call Out Elitism

reddit.com Report

Note: this post originally had 95 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.