Have you ever wondered what to say to a person celebrating their birthday? Sure, a simple “Happy birthday!” would do, but hey, it’s a special day, so it’s only fitting to have a special congratulations line. That’s where funny birthday quotes come in. With so many birthday wishes around, you will surely find one that is unique, funny, and touching!
When the day of birth comes, the main topic often is the question of age. Depending on who are you congratulating, these hilarious birthday quotes should touch on the topics of aging, the wisdom that comes with it, and the rebelliousness, all with a touch of comedy.
Wishing congratulations to someone comes in all shapes and forms, so if you need some funny happy birthday quotes to avoid a ruined birthday, and perhaps wish a long-distance friend (or a family member) a happy birthday over social media, these lines will work great as captions too.
So don’t wait any longer and dig into this collection of funny birthday quotes. Vote for your favorites and surprise your celebrating friends or family members with a line or two!
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“Inside every older person is a younger person—wondering what the hell happened.” — Jennifer Yane
“The older you get the better you get, unless you are a banana.“ – Betty White
“I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody.“ — George Burns
“You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” — Ogden Nash
“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.” — Robert Frost
“Eventually you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.“ — Will Rogers
“If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” — Eubie Blake
“I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.” — Phyllis Diller
“Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.“ — Carl G. Jung
“You're not forty, you're eighteen with twenty-two years experience.“ – Unknown
“I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.” — Unknown
“The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.“ — Oscar Wilde
“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” — Sir Norman Wisdom
“Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.” — Ogden Nash
“Every year on my birthday, I start a new playlist titled after my current age so I can keep track of my favorite songs of the year as a sort of musical diary because I am a teenage girl.“ — Chris Hardwick
“Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?“ – Bobby Kelton
“Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning.“ — Bob Hope
“Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.” — Herbert Asquith
“Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.“ – Anthony Powell
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball
“I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.” — Eva Gabor
“Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.” — Charles Schultz
“They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.” — Malcolm Cowley
“Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.“ – Jim Gaffigan
“I think all this talk about age is foolish. Every time I’m one year older, everyone else is too.“ — Gloria Swanson
“Please don’t retouch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them.“ — Anna Magnani
“Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.” — Dorothy Canfield Fisher
“Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.“
“Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.“ — John Glenn
“Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.” — Tom Wilson
“To my surprise, my 70s are nicer than my 60s and my 60s than my 50s, and I wouldn’t wish my teens and 20s on my enemies.“ — Lionel Blue
My 30s are better than my 20s, I hope my 40s are better than my 30s and so on, I wouldn't wish my younger life on anyone.
“Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Jack Benny
“When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.” — Mark Twain
“We must both, I'm afraid, recognize that, as we grow older, we become like old cars - more and more repairs and replacements are necessary.“ — C. S. Lewis
“The first hundred years are the hardest.“ — Wilson Mizner
“Don’t regret another birthday, the good news is that you are alive and can celebrate it.” — Catherine Pulsifer
That's been my thought too since turning 40. Glad to be around to keep celebrating them!
“You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’“ — Jerry Seinfeld
The fire brigade advised against putting a candle on your cake for every year, but that was OK as the shop didn't have that many in stock anyway.
“Aging is the worst side effect of birthdays.“
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live
“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.” — Golda Meir
“Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” — C.E.M. Joad
I heard a woman say "Men are like carpet - if you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them forever!"
“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?“ — Satchel Paige
“Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.” — Dave Barry
If you'd just eat more sea urchin gonads, you'd pass the time of wanting to, Dave.... Gail Cannon
“From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash.“ – Sophie Tucker
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” — Maurice Chevalier
“You’ve heard of the three ages of man: Youth, middle age, and you’re looking wonderful.” — Cardinal Spellman
“When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.“ – Joan Rivers
“Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.” — Mary Schmich
Every year my dear friend Marlene celebrated her 29th birthday. She did this until she died somewhere in her mid 90's. Even her own kids didn't know exactly how old she was. 😊
“Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.” — Kin Hubbard
“Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.“ – Truman Capote
“Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I need an upgrade.“
“Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive, it isn’t.” — Richard Bach
“A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.” — Erma Bombeck
“The good thing about getting older is if you don’t want to do something you can say, I’m too old to do that!” — Kate Summers
“I believe that no matter what condition you are in when someone close to your heart remembers your birthday and wishes you a happy birthday, you feel happy.“ – A. Singla
“Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.” — Harold Coffin
“After 30, a body has a mind of its own.” — Bette Midler
“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” — Larry Lorenzoni
“Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age.“ — Booth Tarkington
“The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you’ll grow out of it.” — Doris Day
“Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room, so you don’t have to chase it.“ – Greg Tamblyn
“For me, the end of childhood came when the number of candles on my birthday cake no longer reflected my age, around 19 or 20. From then on, each candle came to represent an entire decade.“ — Yotam Ottolenghi
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” — Daniel Francois Esprit Auber
“Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!” — Kate Summers
“I don’t pay attention to the number of birthdays. It’s weird when I say I’m 53. It just is crazy that I’m 53. I think I’m very immature. I feel like a kid. That’s why my back goes out all the time, because I completely forget I can’t do certain things anymore–like doing the plank for 10 minutes.“ – Ellen DeGeneres
“There is still no cure for the common birthday.” — John Glenn
“If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.” — Euripedes
Maybe people would stop passing their mistakes down to their children
“One of the best parts of growing older? You can flirt all you like since you’ve become harmless.” — Liz Smith
A "Turkey Vulture" is like a "Cougar" in that she enjoys the hunt but can no longer take down the prey. - Said by a comedian whose name escapes me but was funny as Hell!
“Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.” — Robert Frost
“Don’t just count your years, make your years count.” — George Meredith
“Romance novels are birthday cake and life is often peanut butter and jelly. I think everyone should have lots of delicious romance novels lying around for those times when the peanut butter of life gets stuck to the roof of your mouth.“ – Janet Evanovich
“First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.” — Leo Rosenberg
“Of late I appear to have reached that stage when people who look old who are only my age.” — Richard Armour
“When the candles on your cake burn down before they are all lit you know you are getting up there.“ – Catherine Pulsifer
“Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.“ — Douglas Coupland
“When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents.” — Blair Sabol
“The reason I met my husband was because I remembered a friend’s birthday. The moral of the story is: Remember people’s birthdays.“ — Julianna Margulies
“There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know.“ — Lewis Carroll
“Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you’re exactly the same.“ — Audrey Hepburn
“I hope your birthday celebration is full of many memorable moments, and that you can actually remember some of them the next day.“
“A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.” — R. C. Ferguson
“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.“ — H. V. Prochnow
you must have had a heck of a time that one time when you learned this.
“Turning the big 40, well that can seem like a blow. No worries though as 50 will be here before you know!” — Catherine Pulsifer
“A birth date is a reminder to celebrate the life as well as to update the life.“ — Amit Kalantri
“At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgement.“ — Benjamin Franklin
“Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.” — Ogden Nash
“As you get older, though, you realize there are fire extinguishers. You do have an ability to control the flames.” — Chaka Khan
“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” — Woody Allen
The things that make me not want to live to be a hundred are things like this a*****e being celebrated instead of jailed.
“Happy Birthday to you, we hope that all year you never feel blue. Now that you are fifty-five, we hope that you will survive.” — Marcia Goldlist
“Cakes are special. Every birthday, every celebration ends with something sweet, a cake, and people remember. It’s all about the memories.“ — Buddy Valastro
“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.” — Golda Meir
“I like birthday cake. It’s so symbolic. It’s a tempting symbol to load with something more complicated than just ‘Happy birthday!’ because it’s this emblem of childhood and a happy day.“ — Aimee Bender
“Old age deprives the intelligent man only of qualities useless to wisdom.“ – Joseph Joubert
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Mark Twain
Amazing how this same quote is on here twice attributed to two different people
