There is a tired trope that women are not capable of coming up with funny jokes as men do. The infamous and hilarious female comedian Carol Burnett has re-told her story countless times about the path to her own variety TV show, and it always includes a variation of the phrase “comedy is a man’s game.” Well, it’s time to shut that old idea down.
Thanks to trailblazers like Burnett, countless funny women have since dominated TV, movies, stand-up comedy stages, Netflix and yes, even, Twitter. Social media has given us all a new platform to show off our best jokes, comedy chops, and funny tweets and some of our favorite accounts are run by women. If you don’t follow Chrissy Teigen's epic Twitter account you are seriously missing out on some comedy gold. Bored Panda has rounded up some of the best tweets from women on Twitter guaranteed to make you laugh! So scroll down below for some best puns delivered by the 'weaker' gender.
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I have an identical twin named Patrick, and we go to different schools in cork. To see if anyone would find out, we traded places for a day. (We take almost the exact same subjects, so we weren’t horribly confused during classes or anything.) the only time one of the students noticed something wrong was when I answered anseo múinteoir (Irish for here teacher) when William, one of my brothers classmates, was called. Neither of us got in any trouble
*“Hello yes period helpline what can I do for you?”* “Well the monthly blood renewal sounded like a good idea at first, but I’d like to cancel my subscription” *”ooh, sorry miss, but you still have another 28 years in your contract”*
Considers adding more guns to the school environment by arming teachers but straws, they gotta go, they're dangerous!!!
Also the sea is filled with things exclusively designed to kill you, sharks, jelly fish, swimming knives...I think I lost the metaphor
this is a good answer to your mums question of 'if everyone jumped off a cliff, would you?!', you could now answer 'yes, but I'd wear a life jacket'.
"punches screen, clears desk of paper, throws chair through window* I... er... have no idea... what you're talking about...
You are - unless you have a loo-roll obsessed dog! Had to abandon the holder completely as it was just enabling her habit.
there is a whole wiki page for this... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper_orientation
But your towel is perfectly folded and hung properly as my mother would have liked it.
How the f**k do people have it the other way round?! If it all unravels then you have to take 5 minutes spinning it. With it like this, then you can just hit it a few times and your done :T
That`s how I like mine too. When I had a cat it stopped her from unwinding the whole roll when she was frustrated!
Telling you where you are wrong is always such a nice icebreaker...
My sweetie suggested that she might have pets. Our cat would unroll toilet paper when we didnt clean her litter box often enough.
I'm 70 and as far back as I can remember the toilet paper comes off the back of the roll like yours, stops the cat unrolling it.
I'm getting a tinder profile just so I can have one as awesome as yours.
Great way to weed out the guys (and commenters) you wouldn't want to date anyway.
Well now you know which men to avoid...and all people for that matter if they are going to argue over which way toilet paper should be placed.
This is actually the perfect way to quickly sort through potential matches!
Tell them it only looks that way because it's being seen in the mirror and watch their heads implode.
Nope, this is the correct way. Keeps it from becoming a cat toy, and also easier to tear sheets off.
Nope, the only way to keep my cats from destroying the TP like it murdered their mother in front of them is to keep it in the cabinet under the sink and put a safety lock on the cabinet.
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Or when I have to pay a whole ticket for my perfectly civilised corgi to board on the subway, but all screaming insufferable children under 6 go in for free.
I didn’t realise that 80% of what I say was inappropriate until my 4 year old started repeating me
This reminds me of the genital herpes commercial from season 5 of spn
I've had this convo more than once since I went back to working full time. Still beats being broke, tho.
That’s not men; that’s individuals with lack of decency. Many of them happen to classify as males. A man would pay attention, though, because he has self-respect 👍🏼
Absolutely. Lettuce is a total waste for me most of the time because I only use it supplementary (don't really eat salads, but I'll use it in other recipes).
Have a labbie, he'll let anyone in the house. But will chase birds out of the garden 'cos they're evolved dinosaurs and hence a danger to his hoomaans :o)
I finished a psych paper at 3am, did spell check, but didn’t bother to proof read. I thought I turned in 10 pages on behavior management. What spellcheck had me turn in was 10 pages on beaver management. My prof probably peed himself laughing, but I still got an A.
I walk around the whole store searching for an abandoned empty cart before going up front for one....
I’d rather have the first husband. Not for the cuddles, but because it’s nice having help to get up in the morning.
In the midst of moving right now and have thought this many times!
In 1937, Warner introduced its Alphabet Bra with four cup sizes (A, B, C, and D) to its product descriptions. Before long, these cup sizes got nicknames: egg cup, tea cup, coffee cup, and challenge cup, respectively.
I had a guy I was kinda hooking up with tell me one day "See you look better with no make up!" Literally the only difference in my makeup routine that day was that I didn't have any eyeliner on... everything else (foundation, blush, eyeshadow, mascara) was the same. Honestly.
I can't figure out where the humor is in this, but... maybe it'll come to me
True! I was behind an old lady who had her electric wheelchair’s basket full with a 6 pack of beer, a bag of pretzels and some beef jerky. I was impressed. Told her so, and she turned around, noticed we were both wearing NY Football Giants shirts & high fived me. My new role model!
Very good. Here's an exercise tip: Spanx, full circuit on and off, are the equivalent of half an hour of hard-core aerobics and weight training.
My grandmother, who raised five daughters on a tight budget, lined their undergarment drawers with perfume ads. It's become a sort of tradition for the later generations of girls; when you get your first bra, you get to smell like Coco Mademoiselle or whatever mom's got in her magazines, but only under your clothes.
:) I don't know, wasn't her university sport the official rowing team screamer?
i bought a mini succulent garden in a bowl, kept watering it once in a while until i found out it was plastic, took me weeks.
Visiting my family, mother decides I have to take one of my sea shells back with me. The. Biggest. One. The look on the TSA agents face when I tried explaining i collected them for years but left them when I had to move and my mother insisted I take it back with me...I gave up and just said "My mother...".
For those that are curious...it's the day that the last Russian Czar recognized female independence.
Maybe she's been made to feel ugly, worthless, or hopeless without lying about it?
Ah the joys of boobs! When I used to go out clubbing I came home and my necklace was gone, I was thinking aaah where's my necklace cause it was a birthday gift and then found it in my cleavage lol!
Wore one on a 5 hour flight with kids in tow, not the best idea i’ve had.
Or have to go to the bathroom as soon as you get comfortable.
Writing rage letters is therapy, you don't have to send it.... Sooo many Tweets have not been sent...
If you're an End User License Agreement I haven't got time for you.
Lucky them. They have built in angst because of their competition. They don't need to manufacture drama to keep the heat up like the rest of us.
For me it's like "Oh, it must be the Olympics because Google changed their logo to something sporty."
Summer: no matter what time you get up or go to bed, the Sun is just out there judging you
I sleep through the night and if I wake up and see my alarm hasn't gone off yet, I go back to sleep.
Have that with some asparagus and you won't need an entire apartment, just one small room.
my friend who's a teacher had a similar incident w/one of her 8 year old students thinking her picture of Hugh Laurie was her husband. I'd be all "yeah, I wish, kid"
me: "i didn't do [stuff] I forgot since I must have lost the note" boss: "you should really try this planning app, we can also share the tasks" me: "seriously??? how the hell am i supposed to skip tasks by saying i lost the notes then???"
And then on the third day, tupperware is plentiful - but there are no lids. On the fourth day, all lids - no tupperware.
It's so easy. Like this: 1. Introduction: Tell them what you are going to tell them. 2. Body of Essay: Tell them. 3. Conclusion: Remind them what you just told them.
If you'd ever been to a nude beach, you would realize how true this is.
I did with her dresses too--you'd have thought it burned me, I pulled my hand away so fast.
Was this taken during an earthquake? The blurry Picasso-esque nightmare where the face should be says yes, but the creepy dolls still perfectly upright on the shelves says no.......unless she nailed their feet to the shelves.......which seems more and more probable the longer I look at her.
Half of my days off are in a normal work week. Every other week they're also on the full weekend. That's what happens with shift work.
Nah, life is like a roll of toilet paper - the closer to the end you get, the faster it unravels.
I got married on my birthday - I'd be upset if he forgot our anniversary - and there is no way anyone I know will forget my birthday, I count down for weeks.
When I was in the hospital room after giving birth to our first child, my husband turns to me and says "Do you want me to go get you a cheeseburger?" I love this guy!!
their music is so cheesy it actually BELONGS in crummy commercials
Did you also have a ten pound freezer bag of pineapple fried rice? They x-rayed it, probed it and swabbed it for explosives. I've never been looked at like that, by a man in uniform, in my life. Sorry TSA but I need that much food if my broke a*s is gonna survive the two seven hour flights and three hour layover to get home for Christmas.
Sleeping hanging upside down like a bat is always tempting. Good hair and dying vs. flat and frizzy..hmmmm.
Maybe they should install a revolving door on the staff entrance? And one of those humongous fire department pillows for soft landings when booted out.
First thought: Thomas Hardy was the author of a number of classics, including The Mayor of Casterbridge. I have now justified the $120,000 I spent for my English Lit degree. At last.
Welcome to the wide world of stereotypes. At least no one calls the police when they're eating in a Smith College break room or swimming in their apartment building pool or or or...
who on their right mind would ask for a chip that crunches less. NOBODY, that's WHO
That's me. I'm 22. If it's cold, my left knee hurts. If it's damp, my right knee hurts. Its my very own Pinkie Sense. A Painful Pinkie Sense.
Me too! I got some in a gift box, they were roasted and covered in chocolate truffle and dusted with cocoa powder, very moreish! And almonds Andrew good for you too so it's a win win 😊😋
My neighbors daughter was dating a young man who spent most of his time trying to prove how macho he was. One day he comes up to me and says "Check this out" as he removes his shirt and turns around so I can see his latest tattoo...his last name etched across his shoulders. I said "Oh good. Now it will be easy for the cops to ID the body." His shoulders went limp and he pulled his shirt down..walking away to the rolling laughter of his girlfriend.
That’s about as much thought as most parents give to this life-changing permanent commitment.
This makes me think of a video with the Swedish chef and the song Popcorn 😄
In the US portion sizes are ridiculous. Rather than lower prices and give reasonable portion sizes they just charge more and super size it. I'm genuinely too full for dessert. And have enough leftovers on my plate for lunch the next day. If you ask for a half sized portion, you'll get it. For full orice. Ugh
It’s disgusting and it won’t fully catch on since the larger shapes / ray ban look is still in pop culture and magazines.
Guess it needs sound. OH is asleep and my earphones are buried at the back of my drawer.
Well what are they supposed to do, put it back together? A broken ceiling is only interesting for like sixty seconds.
*Add, forgets to pee and you've narrated my entire life for the past 26 years.
sorry any guy you've been with is lousy in bed
In small to moderate doses of alcohol, the initial effects of alcohol act like a stimulant. How much do you drink??
What about Cancer? He seemed like a cancer. I don’t believe horoscopes, just playing along with what I know about the zodiac.
I'm a liberal woman who's older than 39 and I wouldn't want to go to Iceland.
yes, and they are 10 years younger than the girls who moved here because of "Sex and the City"
I could not possibly care less about the royal wedding!
I f*****g hate that stereotype of women not being as funny as men. Which is obviously b******t. Like I'm sorry but the last I checked, women are human beings too. And being funny is a HUMAN trait.
Only humourless men claim that anyway. ♥ (the funny guys get our jokes)
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Ok, I guess there's some stereotype about women being less funny than men, which is why this article exists- but I haven't heard much about it. So why isn't there an article about hilarious men? We exist too. Just because we aren't a hot-button topic doesn't make us irrelevant.
You can write an article. There's always enough room for more jokes.
Load More Replies... I wish you could have named one other female comedian in the intro besides Carol Burnett. I used to love her when I was a little kid but I don't find her funny at all now, and there are so many others who are great.
Not as many female standup comics because it's a tough life, and men in that arena are known to be abusive and aggressive toward woman, much more than toward each other. Just the current stories are nothing compared to what's gone on over the years. Many women in the writing rooms of sitcoms, when they're not talked over (as in SNL.) Just not as visible.
Some ladies (like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, many more), have had this guy rolling on the floor with their hilarity! But I don't need to make it a point to approve whenever a woman attempts humor. I will let said woman's try at humor naturally cause me to laugh, fail to do so or do so moderately as it happens to. Women are well represented in comedy: Fey, Poehler, Wiig, Aubrey Plaza, Kate McKinnon, Broad City, Samantha Bee, Leslie Jones - these are just some examples of women in comedy given great opportunities, deservedly overall I'd say in those cases. Not much of an issue.
Yeah, your privilege is showing a bit. You can look at almost any media that looks at comedy and find yourself represented. You only came up with eight women who you meet your standards and there are a lot more than that out there. But they tend to get overshadowed by their male counterparts.
Load More Replies... most of these tweets are not even worth a grin, let alone a laughter... whatever
Why specify they were made by women? Surely that's counterproductive. This isn't what the suffragettes and others fought so fiercely for. It's ridiculous.
I f*****g hate that stereotype of women not being as funny as men. Which is obviously b******t. Like I'm sorry but the last I checked, women are human beings too. And being funny is a HUMAN trait.
Only humourless men claim that anyway. ♥ (the funny guys get our jokes)
Load More Replies... Ok, I guess there's some stereotype about women being less funny than men, which is why this article exists- but I haven't heard much about it. So why isn't there an article about hilarious men? We exist too. Just because we aren't a hot-button topic doesn't make us irrelevant.
You can write an article. There's always enough room for more jokes.
Load More Replies... I wish you could have named one other female comedian in the intro besides Carol Burnett. I used to love her when I was a little kid but I don't find her funny at all now, and there are so many others who are great.
Not as many female standup comics because it's a tough life, and men in that arena are known to be abusive and aggressive toward woman, much more than toward each other. Just the current stories are nothing compared to what's gone on over the years. Many women in the writing rooms of sitcoms, when they're not talked over (as in SNL.) Just not as visible.
Some ladies (like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, many more), have had this guy rolling on the floor with their hilarity! But I don't need to make it a point to approve whenever a woman attempts humor. I will let said woman's try at humor naturally cause me to laugh, fail to do so or do so moderately as it happens to. Women are well represented in comedy: Fey, Poehler, Wiig, Aubrey Plaza, Kate McKinnon, Broad City, Samantha Bee, Leslie Jones - these are just some examples of women in comedy given great opportunities, deservedly overall I'd say in those cases. Not much of an issue.
Yeah, your privilege is showing a bit. You can look at almost any media that looks at comedy and find yourself represented. You only came up with eight women who you meet your standards and there are a lot more than that out there. But they tend to get overshadowed by their male counterparts.
Load More Replies... most of these tweets are not even worth a grin, let alone a laughter... whatever
Why specify they were made by women? Surely that's counterproductive. This isn't what the suffragettes and others fought so fiercely for. It's ridiculous.
