Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Children might be true masters of unintentional comedy. Their dead-pan delivery, unique approach to the limited information they have and creative minds sometimes produce sentences that really have never been uttered before. Plus, if an adult said some of these things, it would just be sad.
We’ve gathered some of the most random, funny and unhinged things kids have said that ended up being unintentionally hilarious. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your own thoughts in the comments section below.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
When my daughter was 3 I took her swimming at the local rec centre and proceeded to be humiliated.
We were changing in one of the alcoves when she take great interest in my adult body.
‘Oh mummy you have a beard!’
Trying to shush her and explain that our bodies are private she gets louder and more pointed.
‘When will I get a v****a beard! I want one!’
I explained she would have to wait until she was much older and she probably wouldn’t be as enthusiastic about it.
Bless her... she decided that this wasn’t fair and threw one of the biggest melt downs of her toddler years. Screaming through the rec centre about how it wasn’t fair that I got to have a v****a beard and she didn’t.
I WANT ONE NOW! I WANT A V****A BEARD NOW!
Edit: thanks everyone for enjoying a good laugh with me, my daughter is now 8 and I think it is now the funniest story. At the time I just wanted the world to swallow me whole...oh how the roles have reversed
BookFanatic 1 week ago
I'm likely to be downvoted to heck and back for this. As your kiddo gets older, please ask her if she minds your telling this story to people. My mother had a story about me as a toddler that she told far and wide. I finally asked her to stop because I was mortified.
RELATED:
#2
Dad mode here.
When my youngest was 3 he had a magnetic alphabet on the fridge he'd play with. He put the letter "A" on like a ring and it got stuck on his finger so he panicked and ran to me. Through tears he told me "I got my finger stuck in my 'A' hole".
#3
When my son was 4, he was really into Paw Patrol. For those of you fortunate enough to have never heard the theme tune, it goes something like..
‘Paw patrol, paw patrol, we’ll be there on the double..
No job too big! No job too small! Paw patrol, were on a roll!..’
Earlier in the day, my son had been asking me about different types of dogs and we had mentioned cockapoo’s. As I was cooking dinner, I heard a little voice singing from the living room..
‘Cockapoo..cockapoo.. no c**k too big! No c**k too small!!’ .. I don’t think I’ve ever heard the theme tune in the same way again.
#4
Here's a story from my mom about my brother:
They were at the grocery store and he was about 3. He liked to talk to people and say hi. As she was checking out, he talks to the cashier:
"Hi, my name is and this is my mommy! She has three holes and I came out of one of them!"
Poor Mom was mortified but the cashier was dying laughing.
#5
Answering for my wife. My daughter was 5 or 6. She was getting her hair cut by our stylist, who happens to be native American. My daughter was asking about some of the symbols and decorations at her station and when my daughter learned about her being native American, she promptly asked "But where are the feathers in your hair?"
Fortunately, we have known this lady for decades and she merely broke up laughing. And explained in her tribe that only the boys wear feathers.
My daughter told her that that was a rip off.
#6
My wife and I were taking several of our little nieces on a day trip and they came to an agreement among themselves that Santa had to be real because their mom was "too cheap to ever spend that much money on a gift".
#7
I'm a 90's kid, I grew up Grunge and still dress like I am auditioning for a Nirvana film clip. I was telling my 10yr old daughter that I was thinking about growing dreadlocks and she said "Well you already look homeless so why not?"
#8
Well, you know how kisses make all the boo boos feel better? In public, my then two year old slipped and fell on his bottom and started crying. He then asked me to "kiss my butt!" and I didn't. So from his point of view, mommy has the cure for his pain and is not sharing it, so he started sobbing "Mommy kiss my butt!" over and over again.
Biofish23 1 week ago
I had a similar, but even worse experience. My son fell straddling the little low balance beam at toddler gymnastics class. He had recently learned proper anatomical names for body parts. When I didn't immediately comply he started screaming his demand at the top of his lungs.
#9
My mother used to work in a 5 star restaurant. The head chef was apparently an insufferably incompetent a*****e who thought he was superior to everyone else in the kitchen including my mother. This guy was so full of himself that he would go around to all of the guests he cooked for and fish for complements on what he made no matter how simple it was.
My mother says the funniest thing I said was when she took me to this restaurant. I ordered macaroni and cheese. This prompted this guy to come out and ask me, at 8 years old, how he likes my macaroni and cheese (because that was the only thing he made that was on my plate). It visibly destroyed him when I said it tasted like plastic and needed more cheese. She says he b**ched about "her kid having the audacity to say that to me" constantly for weeks after that, much to the amusement of the entire kitchen.
#10
She wouldn't eat her dinner...macaroni and cheese and chopped up hot dogs. I was getting frustrated, when she suddenly looked me in the eye and said very seriously 'I can't eat dis. I think the hot dogs are making the noodles noivous...' Turns out I'd undercooked the pasta. I had to hide my face to keep her from seeing me laugh.
To this day we call undercooked or al dente pasta 'nervous'.
#11
My mother loves to tell the story of the time I was about two. My cousin, who was two months older than me, therefore knew EVERYTHING, had recently taught me a new word. We went to mass with the entire extended family and I was excited. After the sermon, during that moment of complete silence, I stood up on the pew and yelled out my new word, "Bull$**t!"
Poor Mom was both mortified and struggling not to laugh.
#12
When I was a kid and saw Romani women in their traditional dresses I told my mum to "look at those princesses".
#13
My 3 year old upon seeing an African American.
"Look Mommy! A basketball player."
*Said to my wife, not me.
Tonyah Mcanelly 1 week ago
when my son was little he was obsessed with Micheal Jordan in Space jam . we were at a festival where he saw a bald black guy wearing a Jordan Jersey. He got so excited and yelled " HI SPACE JAM" lol
#14
I’m really accident prone, and so is my kid. Like trip over the cord to a cordless phone clumsy. When he was 4, he was running through my SILs kitchen, tripped and face planted. When he hit the floor he yelled out “F**K!” then got up, decided he was ok, and apologized for saying a grown-up word.
He looks so much more like his father than me, but every once in a while, like this occasion, it’s “oh look, there’s the proof he’s mine.”.
#15
As a dad: today my 3 yr old daughter commented on the tv, that the news was 'not appropriate for her age', and I needed to switch to the 'my little pony' channel.
#16
My 6 year old announced at a family gathering "daddy's doodle has a beard".
Family's_disappointment 1 week ago
*jaw drops and rolls on the floor like a cartoon character*
#17
My 3 year old is currently mispronouncing 'clucking' as 'f*****g'.
'Mommy! Chickens! F**k F**k F**k!'
'Mommy! The chickens are F**kiiiiinnnnnggg!'
We made the mistake of laughing so now he thinks it's something we love to hear.
Like in the middle of the grocery store, 'Mommiiieeee, f**k? You like f**kiiinnng!'.
#18
I told my cousins 6 year old that I was so fat because that's where I hid my secrets. She told me I needed less secrets.
I've lost 70 pounds so it's safe to say I now have less secrets.
Family's_disappointment 1 week ago
Out of context but this reply is the best thing I have ever heard. I'm going to go and tell this to all my friends. So that whenever someone calls us fat (we're not fat by any way) we can throw this back at them
#19
Not said to me but overheard a conversation between two kids around 6 years old.
Kid 1, running up to Kid 2: "What's your name?"
Kid 2, slightly taken back: "I'm not telling you!"
Kid 1, turning around and walking off: "Guess it must be a pretty stupid name."
#20
After the teacher told me my 5 year old said “What the hell?” on the playground.
“Momma, I didn’t say ‘what the hell?’ the bad word, I said ‘what the hell?’ the place.”
This was after I had had to have a conversation with him the morning before about the different contextual uses for the word hell.
He won..
#21
My Mum often tells me about a time we went out to eat when I was four or five. I was able to use the washroom independently at that point, and the restaurant had single occupancy washrooms that were visible from the table, so she and Dad let me go by myself.
While in the washroom, some lady comes up and starts jiggling the handle, then knocks and jiggles it again. Now, I have never liked being interrupted in the washroom, and by the third jiggle, I was mad. I shouted at the top of my lungs, "Go away! I'm having a p*o!". The whole restaurant started laughing, and the offending lady looked embarrassed and left to wait until it was free, like she should have done after she found it locked.
Mum said it was hard to keep a straight face when I came back cool as a cucumber, like it was obvious one had to shout at p*o-interrupters.
Pink kitty 1 week ago
It is annoying when the same person persists in trying to open the door to a clearly occupied stall. I've called out "Someone's in here!" on numerous occasions. I'm going to be a bit more detailed like this kid did next time!
#22
Told my daughter she couldn’t have ice cream for breakfast and her response was, “I’m a queen and I make the rules; not you!” Crossed her arms and huffed. I wanted to laugh so badly but that attitude needed correcting.
Another funny moment that’s more my bad is when I whispered “what the f**k?!” not knowing my kid was right behind me. She then said “You can say that again!” 😂.
#23
My 6 year old daughter had recently gotten into Bugs Bunny. One day I walked into the living room and asked her to pause her show. Now she had a long day as she had been out all morning running errands with me and she’s very small so I understand she was a little frustrated that her mother couldn’t leave her to her cartoons.
So anyway I asked her to pause her show to help me with a chore. She slowly took her time to find the controller and pauses it. Then she slowly turned around and looked straight into my eye balls and said in her best Bugs Bunny voice, “Eeeehhhhh...what’s up B***h?”
It took everything in me not to burst out laughing. I had to turn around and gather myself. It was so unexpected and she knew what she said cause immediately afterwards she apologized.
#24
My three year old tried to punish her dad for not giving her something she wanted. Unfortunately, she lacked the vocabulary to call him anything actually devastating. So she called him a “yuck” with as much fury as she could muster.
I had to chastise her with a straight face for calling her dad a name, but I laughed my a*s off when she was sitting in time out.
#25
My oldest child had trouble with speech, specifically "s". We were in a gas station paying for my fuel and she asked me if she could have a (insert N word white people arent suppose to say here). I was mortified. Because I paused out of panic, she said it again louder than before because she thought I didn't hear her.
Edit: she wanted a Snickers.
Jenny 1 week ago
My nephew had a similar issue pronouncing the letter D. He also had a huge fascination for any vehicle made by JCB and used to loudly exclaim the name of each one he saw. You'd often hear him shout "nump truck!" or *n* word (digger). 😬 Whoever was with him used to have to loudly correct him so that anyone listening knew he wasn't being offensive on purpose.
#26
Several years ago, my daughter who was maybe 4 at the time was big into YouTube, like the rest of the tiny population. She had and iPad and liked to pretend to have a “show”.
One day as I was reviewing her handiwork I came across a short video with her adorable smiling face.
She says:
“Hey guys! This is the BAD WORD SHOW! This is the show where we say ALL the bad words we know....F****N’ dammit f**k!”
Obviously, she was reprimanded, lost her iPad for a period of time and also lost the privilege of being able to make videos on her iPad.
Little does she know, I also sent that video to myself and have laughed and laughed with my friends and family while showing my adorable blonde baby letting out some fierce verbiage.
#27
Christmas 2017, my 10 year old son got a puppy. He had been dreaming of this dog, reading books and taking full responsibility for our older German Shepherd for the better part of a year before he received his puppy. Being really into Pokémon, he named him Ash.
What we didn’t see coming, but probably should have, was that his three year old brother would mispronounce ‘Ash’ as ‘A*s’. He went around to every adult he saw that Christmas Day and told them about our new puppy, A*s. I worked really hard with him and finally got him to say it correctly by say “Aaaaaa” - putting my finger up to my lips as if to be quiet “shhhhhhhh”.
Still sounds like A*s.
Karen Krause 1 week ago
My nephew had problems with the t sound, it usually sounded like an f. One time, a neighbor of my sister's was washing his El Camino. (A sedan front with a truck back) My nephew asks if he had a fruck or a car. The r wasn't sounded loudly enough, and it sounded like my nephew if he had a f*cking car. We worked with his t's and he pronounces them very well.
#28
My mum told me that when my brother was little, about 4 i think, he was drawing a picture in playschool. he suddenly scrunched it up and said "well, i f****d that up." the teacher couldn't laugh right then but she said she did after telling him not to say that because it was such perfect context.
#29
My name is Clint and my partner is Rick. His nephew at 2 called us Cl*t and D*ck.
#30
My 4 year old grandson put two child cups up to his chest and said “Look at me, I’ve got n**ples!” I had to walk quickly away.
#31
Ok I'm not a mother, but when my son was 3 he was at nursery. As I was fetching him, he innocently asked the attractive 20 year old nursery worker 'Do you have any toys you play with at home?'
I almost lost it. To her credit she kept a very straight face.
#32
I went to ask my mom on this fine Mother's day. When my brother was 9, my mom was yelling at him for something. In the most serious voice he could muster he said, "But I'm a man mommy!"
She said she wanted to laugh, but just said "Okay" and walked out. No one in my family has ever let him live that moment down.
#33
When my youngest was 2 she pronounced "microphone" as "mofo". She would ask to get on peoples' laps by saying "up? yours?" If you didn't respond in her preferred timeframe (i.e., immediately), she would crawl up on you (whether you were standing or sitting, she's part monkey) and put a hand on either side of your face to make you look right at her.
So we're at my husband's grandparents' 75th anniversary dinner with his entire extended family and much of his church community (he was a deacon). Husband stands up to make a toast on behalf of the grandchildren. Youngest sees that he is getting to use the microphone to do so. I am trying to deal with child #3's bloody nose, and am unable to stop youngest as she runs to her dad, shouting (because 2 year olds have one volume, "as loud as physically possible") "mofo! Up! Yours!"
Husband attempts to ignore her, so she launches into full monkey mode and shimmies up him to the microphone, and everyone in the church hall gets to hear "MOFO! UP! YOURS!" a good ten times before he can wrestle the mofo away from her.
#34
My mom was young when she had my siblings and me, so our children grew up with great grandparents who were just as big a part of their lives as most kids' grandparents are. One morning my three year old niece was dissatisfied with something my sister was doing, so she hotly informed my sister that as soon as they got to Granny's house she was going to tell her mother on her and she would be in trouble!
My sister laughed and explained that Granny was not her mother, grandma is and Granny is Grandma's mother. Then my sister scoffed and said, 'girl, how are you going to tell my mama anything? You don't even know who my mama is!'.
Later that day, while they were doing whatever they were doing at my grandmother's house, the niece repeated a misbehavior that she had gotten into trouble for earlier and had been warned against repeating. My sister scolded her and said she'd be telling her dad about it when he got home that evening. My niece glared at her, scoffed, and said, 'how are you going to tell my daddy anything? You don't even know who my daddy is!'. There was a stampede out of that room because we didn't dare let her see that we were laughing or it would become her new 'thing'.
#35
My son and daughter were about 7 and 9 when Fred was a youtube thing. I got home from work one afternoon and they were so excited to tell me about an episode of Fred they had just watched. In the episode Fred says his mom spends a lot of alone time in the bathroom listening to the radio, but the radio must be broken because it just goes bzzzzzzzz. It was impossible to keep a straight face. I asked if they knew what he was talking about and they looked at me like I was stupid and said "duh! Shes shaving her legs!"
Yes my darlings shes shaving her legs. 😅.
#36
Most of the funniest parts were when we realized our oldest started to understand physiological differences in gender. We used to just pass each other the baby in the shower (whoever was in the shower while baby needed to be washed got washing duty, the one who wasn't in the shower got drying off and dressing duty.)
Well, one day I handed her to her dad, and she was around 2, and a little while later he comes out horrified, saying said he can't shower her anymore. Turns out she looked at him, used what little vocabulary she had at the time, and proclaimed that "daddy has a front butt tail."
Then a little after, she comes to me and says "Daddy has eggs in his pants." (She saw him in his boxer briefs.)
10/10 for creativity.
You really can't laugh at this stuff because it just makes them fixate on it but boy, was it hilarious.
Tabitha 1 week ago
By the time I was 2, I had already kicked my father out of the bathroom when I was in the tub. But the time I was 3, I had kicked my mother out too. I know they still stood by the door and kept an eye on me, and were on hand to come running if anything happened. But there does come a time when kids start having a sense of privacy when it comes to bathroom stuff, and parents just need to let them do things themselves—-while still discreetly monitoring them, of course.
#37
Im the child but oh god I've said some dumb s**t as a kid. The best one my mom tells people is when I was 5 she was telling me about a women's cycle cause I walked in on her in the bathroom during her period. Shes a doctor so she gave me quite a medical breakdown and apparently I took it well until she asked if i had any comments. Apparently fly i threw my arms up in the air and went "WHAT A WASTE OF AN EGG"
I also called fruit loops "foot poops" and at 2-3 said "I want to d**k my d**k peese" whenever I wanted my cup.
#38
Not a mom, but one time I ran inside, crying, sobbing, the whole shebang. I then say, “brother called me a tattle-tail!” She then had to explain that the reason I was a tattle-tail was because I told her about everything, while trying not to laugh at me.
She never will let me live it down, though to be fair, it is hilarious.
#39
My mom won’t let me down the moment that my brother slit my wrist with a weedwacker and I told her “Can I have a bandaid please” while sobbing and bleeding out.
#40
I was babysitting asked if I wanted to marry him. I explained I'm too old for him and he said "that's right, you're 100" I was sixteen at the time.
Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium
Unlimited content Ad-free browsing Dark mode 
What do you think ?
James016 1 week ago
Last week my wife tried to call her brother in Cyprus but he didn't answer. She sort of mumbled to herself "Wonder where he is?" My son sitting next to her replies "He's dead". He isn't, he called back later. Also last week my son was sitting on my wife's lap, snuggling into her shoulder, it looked like a very sweet moment between mother and son, my says "I love you". He looks up at her and says "Listen for the fart" and then lets rip with a fart so loud it sounded like a gatling gun.
Doug Moyer 1 week ago
When my son was quite little, he had trouble with 'f' and 'b' (and others). We were at a nice restaurant that had a large fish tank and he got very excited and started repeatedly saying, very loudly and very clearly, 'Look at all the bïtches!!"
JenC 1 week ago
Wheny nephew was 3, we were in a public bathroom when he pulls down his pants and squats by the stall divider. I asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm showing them my butt!" "Nobody wants to see your butt, pull your pants up!" Cue snickering from another toilet stall.
James016 1 week ago
Last week my wife tried to call her brother in Cyprus but he didn't answer. She sort of mumbled to herself "Wonder where he is?" My son sitting next to her replies "He's dead". He isn't, he called back later. Also last week my son was sitting on my wife's lap, snuggling into her shoulder, it looked like a very sweet moment between mother and son, my says "I love you". He looks up at her and says "Listen for the fart" and then lets rip with a fart so loud it sounded like a gatling gun.
Doug Moyer 1 week ago
When my son was quite little, he had trouble with 'f' and 'b' (and others). We were at a nice restaurant that had a large fish tank and he got very excited and started repeatedly saying, very loudly and very clearly, 'Look at all the bïtches!!"
JenC 1 week ago
Wheny nephew was 3, we were in a public bathroom when he pulls down his pants and squats by the stall divider. I asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm showing them my butt!" "Nobody wants to see your butt, pull your pants up!" Cue snickering from another toilet stall.
You May Like 50 Hilariously Relatable Memes That Might Make You Feel Like You’re Looking In The Mirror 50 Hilarious Memes To Help You Decompress When Life Gets A Little Bit Too Much 50 Times Photoshop Users Didn’t Know When To Stop, So They Didn’t
Ilona Baliūnaitė
Gabija Saveiskyte
Eglė Bliabaitė
Related on Bored Panda
