Woman Says She Can Show Up To Your Funeral If You Pay Her $50, People Start Sending Her Money
We are all aware that funerals are no fun deal. It’s either heartbreaking experiencing a loved one’s passing and the whole ordeal is nothing but a cruel reminder of their loss. Either that or the awkward feeling of being stuck at a funeral of some distant relative that you’ve never even seen before. However, if there’s one place where funerals can sometimes be cool, it’s movies.
Either while faking their death or trying to hide away their double life, movie characters tend to have dramatic funeral moments. Perhaps inspired by that a 26-year-old author Dana Schwartz proposed her new job prospect in a series of tweets that have since gone viral. While, surely, it was quite a weird offer, no one can deny that Schwartz came up with something very interesting.
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Dana Schwartz is a 26-year-old American author and journalist
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She recently posted a tweet that’s since gone viral with 449k likes
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Author Neil Gaiman immediately responded to Schwartz’s tweet
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Eventually, people joined in with their own suggestions and ideas
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Very funny. I would personally like someone to walk up to my casket and fire 6 shots right through it just to "make sure I'm dead this time". Even funnier if they stop to reload and fire off another lot.
And one more after a pause for a good measure. LOL
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I once met a woman at an antique shop, she bought a huge dramatic top hat embellished with a stuffed RAVEN and layers of nets and laces. She wore it, looked at me and said "I will wear this to my husband's funeral when he kicks the bucket". I greatly desire to see that funeral.
A few years ago I went past a cemetery on a tram, it was raining and there was a funeral happening. Apart from the priest there was one elderly man attending, who was crying. So I got off the tram and went and stood next to him. He just held my hand and I nodded and stood firm for him. Was his wife, he knew I didn't know either of them but he thanked me for getting off the tram that day. I asked her name and told him I'd plant a tree in her honour. I was homeless at the time, staying in a refuge for women. We planted a big rubber tree in the yard and I wrote their names on the trunk with a sharpie. RIP Marjory. Gone but never forgotten ...
That is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for being you.
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Why only funerals. You could really liven up a wedding. Bride: I'm so in love with Tom. You: (Cocking eyebrow, removing cigarette holder, blowing smoke). Is that the name he's going by now?
I'd pay more if you'd drink a glass of champagne and announce you'll always remember Paris. Then everyone would be wondering when the hell I was in Paris.
I like the idea, but it won' t work, my wife and children know too good my strange sense of humor, so the best result would be a "nice try, old man..."
When my brother passed, my dad's girlfriend's much younger sister came and was so overcome by emotion that she was crying hysterically and caused a huge scene. Her only daughter had passed a month earlier and was reminded of that. Days later, people were asking me about her, some thought it was a mistress since no one had ever seen her before!!!
When I was a child I heard that the vikings made beer pints from the skulls of their enemies so I was very disappointed at a museum exhibit about vikings that there was not any of those skull pints. So for many years I wished that when I die someone makes a pint from my skull and donate it to a viking exhibit. Later I learned that the skull pints were just a hoax and skulls are actually very bad material to make a pint. So I just donated my body to the university so the doctor students can practise making surgeries with my body and the scientists can use parts of me to do scientific stuff. So not funny funerals for me. :)
Wait... your from Finland?! I was about to chide you for being a Minnesota Vikings fan. they like to promulgate that hoax a lot, to justify that stupid skol chant they do. (Okay, so I live in Minnesota, and vikings are 'my team' by default, because I could care less about a bunch of guys in tights fighting over something called a 'pigskin'. one of my friends is a very ardent fan, however.)
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1. Toss in some garlic cloves and a crucifix as the casket is being lowered. 2. toss in a black diary with a lock on it as the casket is lowered. 3. As people leave the grave site, walk out of a black suv with a Geiger counter like device and sweep it over the grave. 4. As people leave the grave site drive up in a truck with shovels in the back. 5. Have four men wearing dark suits and sunglasses get out of a black limousine and stand back and begin taking flashless pictures of the people at the grave site. 6. Hiring two African Americans dressed as though they were from Jamaica the female holds a large very old black book and chants in a low voice. The man holds a shovel. 7. A total non sequitur hire a woman with a monkey to show up and stand back at the grave site. It doesn't mean anything, but it will get them talking. 8. This will work as well if you wear a clown costume.
I'm going to donate my body to science, so no funny funeral stories for me
Lol - my evil ex actually filled in a form to donate his body to science. It gives me great satisfaction to imagine him being chopped up bit-by-bit.
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Oh, I would pay all the expenses if she looses her handbag containing: a card from an expensive hotel nearby, where she checked in under the name 'Mrs. Smith', an obscure brand of lipstick, a flight ticket to Uzbekistan (people always ask me why I went there), a thousand dollars evenly split in Uzbek money, Japanese money, Korean money and Iranian money (I've been all of those places with different friends, so I hope they going to ask themselves if they've missed something), a gun, a fake passport assigned to mrs. Smith, a letter from me, dated no longer then one year before my death (I will send a new letter every year), migraine powder and some personal stuff preferably identifiable to different airports all over the world. Oh, and a photograph of us two in Baghdad.
THE NEIL GAIMAN? I'll turn up at his funeral for free with real tears.
A very looong time ago, in my city there were women ppl used to call "las lloronas" (the crying ones). They used to get hired to appear in funerals in order to pretend a huge pain and suffering, specially when the deceased was someone not very popular or loved.
Heard that in England a long time ago it was sometimes common to hire professional mourners
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This is cool, but I will one up.... I told my daughter that when I die, I want her to tie a 'get well' balloon to my casket during the viewing, and maybe throw in a 'happy retirement', ' best wishes' and ' happy graduation' hahahaha
I remember the comedian that said when he died, he was going to have the casket slowly open to reveal that it was empty. Then as people gasped and pointed, he drop down from the ceiling on suspension cables and techno music/disco lights would kick in. He said he's also pay somebody famous to come to his funeral..like John Stamos. Then people would be like "OMG..Is that John Stamos?!? I didn't know he knew John Stamos. Wow! John is really bawling. They must've been really close."
That remind me something: 27 years ago, at Père-Lachaise, a very famous cemetary located in Paris, it was allowed to smoke, drink, have a chat with fan of The Doors on Jim Morrison's grave. One late afternoon, a chauffeur dressed in black with tie, gloves, cap and all lead a woman with jet black hair, sunglasses (even if it was nearly evening) who wore a long coat made of furs among us. She sat among us, drank the bottle of wine we shared and left with these words said discretly... "I miss you dad". 'till now, i have no idea who she was and if it was true or not. That was just one of these weird moment in lifetime, you know. :)
I like to get back at all the people that would tell me, "You're next," at all the weddings I was in by greeting them similarly at funerals.
I'm not having a funeral, but if I did....I would totally want to do this lol
So - you'll just vaporize or evaporate excellent :D
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I'm still gob smacked that Neil Gaiman found this interesting enough to make an inquiry for her services! His books literally rock my world.
My thoughts too! I have read every single one of his books.
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When I die I want someone to go to my funeral dressed as the grim reaper, don't say anything, don't move, just stand there...
My brother makes a very convincing grim reaper. Our town does cemetery tours of a bunch of the founders and for one of them he was dressed as Death; really scared a couple people who thought he was a statue before he suddenly moved.
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I like the Doctor Who one that was trending on Facebook a few years ago. "Have someone run in wearing the same clothes as the deceased. They then say; "Now this is where it get interesting". I think that still the one I'd want. Also, find some way to get westboro Baptist out to protest and have all guests take turns pointing and laughing.
Brilliant! I should do this. I already have all the perfect costumes, vintage gems, and the hats... hmm. Sorry Sweetie, I may be horning in on your biz soon!
Ok, I'm going to want a recording of a TARDIS sound coming from outside, then she can walk in with a sonic screwdriver peaking out of a pocket!
As a show of support, I went to my sister's fiancee's Fathers funeral several years ago. It was a military funeral & quite poignant. The 21 gun salute didn't faze me in the least, but then they played "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes. I didn't start boo-hooing or sobbing hysterically, but the pipes ALWAYS make me cry. So there I stood, this virtual stranger, with huge tears running down my face. People were asking for hours "who was that woman who was so moved?" I'm sure his (much younger) girlfriend was wondering as well.
I'll have an open casket, I want her to walk up and poke my body with a hat pin just to make sure I'm dead. Then walk away with a smile.
I absolutely LOVE Dave Nevett's idea to say "it's done" and walk away. Now that would keep everyone wondering for the rest of their life!!
I would want her to be dressed up in some crazy inconspicuous tribal/alienesque outfit and speak in tongues to a crystal rock and then disappear in a cloud of colourful smoke that seems to float up in the air.
add a lot of dramatic crying mixed with a dramatic "how am I gonna pay my bills now" "what about the kids?" Your offer could really be worth the $50 bucks so for the audience reaction. Be ready to run because there is nothing worse than a scorned mate.
... When my time comes, I might actually hire her for the performance of the dark secret... $50 won't even come close to what i'd pay her for the play...
If you pay me $1000, I will NOT turn up at your wedding and cry, " It should have been me !!"
As an author and journalist, you'd think the grammar in her second post might have been better. I'd go to $100 if she jumped in the grave sobbing
I've always fancied wearing in a long cloak, wearing a mask and holding a scythe at someone's funeral. - I've got the scythe!!
love the idea to make a boring funeral intriguing, Agatha Christie style......
I just want to know how I can fax my death? (see: the jollyness has worn off)
In some countries there are professional mourners that you can hire. Strange but true.
Was that a question or a statement?I'm confused.
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Very funny. I would personally like someone to walk up to my casket and fire 6 shots right through it just to "make sure I'm dead this time". Even funnier if they stop to reload and fire off another lot.
And one more after a pause for a good measure. LOL
Load More Replies... I once met a woman at an antique shop, she bought a huge dramatic top hat embellished with a stuffed RAVEN and layers of nets and laces. She wore it, looked at me and said "I will wear this to my husband's funeral when he kicks the bucket". I greatly desire to see that funeral.
A few years ago I went past a cemetery on a tram, it was raining and there was a funeral happening. Apart from the priest there was one elderly man attending, who was crying. So I got off the tram and went and stood next to him. He just held my hand and I nodded and stood firm for him. Was his wife, he knew I didn't know either of them but he thanked me for getting off the tram that day. I asked her name and told him I'd plant a tree in her honour. I was homeless at the time, staying in a refuge for women. We planted a big rubber tree in the yard and I wrote their names on the trunk with a sharpie. RIP Marjory. Gone but never forgotten ...
That is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for being you.
Load More Replies... Why only funerals. You could really liven up a wedding. Bride: I'm so in love with Tom. You: (Cocking eyebrow, removing cigarette holder, blowing smoke). Is that the name he's going by now?
I'd pay more if you'd drink a glass of champagne and announce you'll always remember Paris. Then everyone would be wondering when the hell I was in Paris.
I like the idea, but it won' t work, my wife and children know too good my strange sense of humor, so the best result would be a "nice try, old man..."
When my brother passed, my dad's girlfriend's much younger sister came and was so overcome by emotion that she was crying hysterically and caused a huge scene. Her only daughter had passed a month earlier and was reminded of that. Days later, people were asking me about her, some thought it was a mistress since no one had ever seen her before!!!
When I was a child I heard that the vikings made beer pints from the skulls of their enemies so I was very disappointed at a museum exhibit about vikings that there was not any of those skull pints. So for many years I wished that when I die someone makes a pint from my skull and donate it to a viking exhibit. Later I learned that the skull pints were just a hoax and skulls are actually very bad material to make a pint. So I just donated my body to the university so the doctor students can practise making surgeries with my body and the scientists can use parts of me to do scientific stuff. So not funny funerals for me. :)
Wait... your from Finland?! I was about to chide you for being a Minnesota Vikings fan. they like to promulgate that hoax a lot, to justify that stupid skol chant they do. (Okay, so I live in Minnesota, and vikings are 'my team' by default, because I could care less about a bunch of guys in tights fighting over something called a 'pigskin'. one of my friends is a very ardent fan, however.)
Load More Replies... 1. Toss in some garlic cloves and a crucifix as the casket is being lowered. 2. toss in a black diary with a lock on it as the casket is lowered. 3. As people leave the grave site, walk out of a black suv with a Geiger counter like device and sweep it over the grave. 4. As people leave the grave site drive up in a truck with shovels in the back. 5. Have four men wearing dark suits and sunglasses get out of a black limousine and stand back and begin taking flashless pictures of the people at the grave site. 6. Hiring two African Americans dressed as though they were from Jamaica the female holds a large very old black book and chants in a low voice. The man holds a shovel. 7. A total non sequitur hire a woman with a monkey to show up and stand back at the grave site. It doesn't mean anything, but it will get them talking. 8. This will work as well if you wear a clown costume.
I'm going to donate my body to science, so no funny funeral stories for me
Lol - my evil ex actually filled in a form to donate his body to science. It gives me great satisfaction to imagine him being chopped up bit-by-bit.
Load More Replies... Oh, I would pay all the expenses if she looses her handbag containing: a card from an expensive hotel nearby, where she checked in under the name 'Mrs. Smith', an obscure brand of lipstick, a flight ticket to Uzbekistan (people always ask me why I went there), a thousand dollars evenly split in Uzbek money, Japanese money, Korean money and Iranian money (I've been all of those places with different friends, so I hope they going to ask themselves if they've missed something), a gun, a fake passport assigned to mrs. Smith, a letter from me, dated no longer then one year before my death (I will send a new letter every year), migraine powder and some personal stuff preferably identifiable to different airports all over the world. Oh, and a photograph of us two in Baghdad.
THE NEIL GAIMAN? I'll turn up at his funeral for free with real tears.
A very looong time ago, in my city there were women ppl used to call "las lloronas" (the crying ones). They used to get hired to appear in funerals in order to pretend a huge pain and suffering, specially when the deceased was someone not very popular or loved.
Heard that in England a long time ago it was sometimes common to hire professional mourners
Load More Replies... This is cool, but I will one up.... I told my daughter that when I die, I want her to tie a 'get well' balloon to my casket during the viewing, and maybe throw in a 'happy retirement', ' best wishes' and ' happy graduation' hahahaha
I remember the comedian that said when he died, he was going to have the casket slowly open to reveal that it was empty. Then as people gasped and pointed, he drop down from the ceiling on suspension cables and techno music/disco lights would kick in. He said he's also pay somebody famous to come to his funeral..like John Stamos. Then people would be like "OMG..Is that John Stamos?!? I didn't know he knew John Stamos. Wow! John is really bawling. They must've been really close."
That remind me something: 27 years ago, at Père-Lachaise, a very famous cemetary located in Paris, it was allowed to smoke, drink, have a chat with fan of The Doors on Jim Morrison's grave. One late afternoon, a chauffeur dressed in black with tie, gloves, cap and all lead a woman with jet black hair, sunglasses (even if it was nearly evening) who wore a long coat made of furs among us. She sat among us, drank the bottle of wine we shared and left with these words said discretly... "I miss you dad". 'till now, i have no idea who she was and if it was true or not. That was just one of these weird moment in lifetime, you know. :)
I like to get back at all the people that would tell me, "You're next," at all the weddings I was in by greeting them similarly at funerals.
I'm not having a funeral, but if I did....I would totally want to do this lol
So - you'll just vaporize or evaporate excellent :D
Load More Replies... I'm still gob smacked that Neil Gaiman found this interesting enough to make an inquiry for her services! His books literally rock my world.
My thoughts too! I have read every single one of his books.
Load More Replies... When I die I want someone to go to my funeral dressed as the grim reaper, don't say anything, don't move, just stand there...
My brother makes a very convincing grim reaper. Our town does cemetery tours of a bunch of the founders and for one of them he was dressed as Death; really scared a couple people who thought he was a statue before he suddenly moved.
Load More Replies... I like the Doctor Who one that was trending on Facebook a few years ago. "Have someone run in wearing the same clothes as the deceased. They then say; "Now this is where it get interesting". I think that still the one I'd want. Also, find some way to get westboro Baptist out to protest and have all guests take turns pointing and laughing.
Brilliant! I should do this. I already have all the perfect costumes, vintage gems, and the hats... hmm. Sorry Sweetie, I may be horning in on your biz soon!
Ok, I'm going to want a recording of a TARDIS sound coming from outside, then she can walk in with a sonic screwdriver peaking out of a pocket!
As a show of support, I went to my sister's fiancee's Fathers funeral several years ago. It was a military funeral & quite poignant. The 21 gun salute didn't faze me in the least, but then they played "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes. I didn't start boo-hooing or sobbing hysterically, but the pipes ALWAYS make me cry. So there I stood, this virtual stranger, with huge tears running down my face. People were asking for hours "who was that woman who was so moved?" I'm sure his (much younger) girlfriend was wondering as well.
I'll have an open casket, I want her to walk up and poke my body with a hat pin just to make sure I'm dead. Then walk away with a smile.
I absolutely LOVE Dave Nevett's idea to say "it's done" and walk away. Now that would keep everyone wondering for the rest of their life!!
I would want her to be dressed up in some crazy inconspicuous tribal/alienesque outfit and speak in tongues to a crystal rock and then disappear in a cloud of colourful smoke that seems to float up in the air.
add a lot of dramatic crying mixed with a dramatic "how am I gonna pay my bills now" "what about the kids?" Your offer could really be worth the $50 bucks so for the audience reaction. Be ready to run because there is nothing worse than a scorned mate.
... When my time comes, I might actually hire her for the performance of the dark secret... $50 won't even come close to what i'd pay her for the play...
If you pay me $1000, I will NOT turn up at your wedding and cry, " It should have been me !!"
As an author and journalist, you'd think the grammar in her second post might have been better. I'd go to $100 if she jumped in the grave sobbing
I've always fancied wearing in a long cloak, wearing a mask and holding a scythe at someone's funeral. - I've got the scythe!!
love the idea to make a boring funeral intriguing, Agatha Christie style......
I just want to know how I can fax my death? (see: the jollyness has worn off)
In some countries there are professional mourners that you can hire. Strange but true.
Was that a question or a statement?I'm confused.
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