‘He Said He Didn’t Know How To Boil Water’: Foster Parent Shares What It’s Like To Raise Children From Hard Backgrounds
The memories we associate with food are strong and can follow us for as long as we live. Tasting something that we ate during a certain period of our lives can bring back what we were feeling then, whether those memories are fond, or painful. A mom’s post about one of these darker memories that her son, who she adopted through foster care, shared with her, has gone viral as an example of how surviving neglect affects children and as a reminder for foster parents to listen and make space for their kids’ experiences.
Aubren Dudley, an adoptive mother of 5 siblings, wrote in a Facebook post that she noticed the 9-year-old about to eat something that appeared strange and unappetizing to her: a block of dry ramen noodles straight out of the packet. She was about to stop him, but he explained that he wanted to eat it that way since he had developed a taste for it in his old home. When she opened up and listened to his explanation, it made her more conscious of what her kids had been through before they came to her.
Aubren Dudley posted her son’s story along with a picture of the meal
Image credits: aubren00
In the United States, nearly a third of children in foster care, most of them 5 years old or younger, were removed from their parents because of neglect related to parental drug use. That figure has increased due to the opioid and methamphetamine epidemics, and an overall increase in the amount of children entering foster care in the last decade could possibly be related as well.
In Dudley’s post, she highlights the importance of not trying to erase this experience of neglect or minimize its relevance, but letting her kids share it at their own pace and appreciating their resilience that got them to where they are now.
Other people who have adopted children, or were adopted themselves, thanked her for sharing the story and for her call to be empathetic when kids open up about traumatic experiences.
People commended both Dudley and her son for the story
Actually, instant ramens are quite good like that! I used to eat them that way. Ramen are already cooked so they're not uncooked, just dried.
I used to eat Ramen like that too, I liked it a lot actually. I'd sprinkle a little water on it so the spices would stick then crunch away.
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This story is so sad. Its remembering me how I had to be strong when I was living with my dad. Yes its survival mode and you cant just press "Pause" there is no stop. When I was 15years old my dad kicked me from the house. This was the best thing that could happened to me (even if it was a rough time) I always say I started living at 15 now.
I think that kids who get kicked out before they're legally old enough to support themselves with full time work should be able to sue their parents for back child support years later.
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Sometimes life boils down to perspective and this is a good one to be mindful of
I cried. And I'm a trauma therapist who is used to a lot. How strong hè is!
I'm sorry you had to go through that. In my experience C-PTSS can get better. Find a traumatherapist. Medication will not cure: most medication pushes down feelings that should be felt to be processed.
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I frequently engage kids in conversation, sometimes at the annoyance of their parents, so they feel like they have someone who listens to them. Often times the stories are fantastic and don't make a lot of sense, but it's great to see how excited they get than an adult is interested in talking about kids stuff. I'm just grateful to have a son that exposes me to all the latest greatest topics in the kid world. Oh..and Ramen is his favorite meal..but he prefers his cooked.
I knew a couple years ago that took in foster children. The very first one, aged four, would hide caches of food all over the house. This was because her bio parents would lock her in a closet with a box of crackers and a bottle of water, then go off and party for a weekend or longer. So she learned to survive by making sure she always had these secret sources of food. At four. My friends ended up adopting her, so I guess she was a "foster fail".
some people should never be allowed to procreate. Not speaking about this loving foster family obviously. Just some people don't deserve children!
Totally agree. Actually, these cases are my biggest argument against god. If there were a benevolent god, s/he wouldn't allow these people to have children.
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I wish that I could adopt but sadly I doubt I will never be in a financial situation to do so, at least where I live. This poor boy is so strong.
I have always wanted to be a foster parent. I have a close friend who is one and while I can't say it's completely turned me off the idea, it has certainly been eye opening. She had one little 3 year old who arrived at her house emaciated and fresh out surgery from a broken leg caused by a parent. I fell in love with the little guy and I was beyond furious when social services chose to give him back to the parents. Especially since my friend and her husband were willing to adopt. I knew in my gut something bad would happen again. We all did. And we were right because he's back with my friend with a broken arm. The system is so damn frustrating.
We always stole those noodle packs an crushed them up an ate them raw. Some brands even tried to market them as being a snack eaten uncooked
Here in Korea and Japan, they sell them like dried snacks too, actually. But they're packed differently from the regular ones. Also, usually come in smaller quantities.
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We still eat that. Break em up. We call em hobo crackers for some reason.
Both heartbreaking and heartwarming. I commend Aubren Dudley for taking the time to listen to her child. It's her child indeed; not biologically, but in all the ways that matter.
I adopted my own children 15 years ago, they had been so badly neglected, that the oldest boy at two and a half years old had never eaten food, just formular, he was taken to hospital with malnutrition, they were both left in a cot separately in the dark all day with no toys no stimulation
Survival mode... I'm still in survival mode and I'm 24 years old. I spent a year under the "care" of one of my mom's friends and her family. It was a family of six, three adults snd three children and they all tormented me. The parents physically and mentally abused me and used their kids to try their best to hinder my academic growth because I was out performing their kids. I had to learn to control my emotions otherwise I was beat the moment my face moved. I developed such an amazing poker face and locked away my emotions that as an adult, I have trouble expressing emotions externally and internally. I get annoyed at people crying or expressing negative emotions and I'm uncomfortable when people are nice to me and smile. It puts me on edge because as a child, under the care of thos emonsters, smiles meant a surprise beating or mental torture. I developed extreme light sensitivity in my eyes and a stronf preference for dark rooms because they'd leave me locked up in the dark for so long that my eyes adjusted and surprisingly, darkness became an advantage for me. I could see them but they couldn't see me sk I was able to avoid their limbs and they'd just get sk frustrated that they'd leave and lock me in there longer. But I was fine with that because they weren't in there with me. It was peaceful and I didn't have to be on guard all the time. But as a grown adult, it's a problem to be so emotionally stunted and preferring to sit in dark rooms all day.
Remember this the next time someone says ''Men don't face any hardships in life''.
Now I'm sitting here missing salad cream sandwiches and sugar sandwiches.
If you're a very hungry child and your useless parents don't feed you, any source of calories will do.
Load More Replies... Actually, instant ramens are quite good like that! I used to eat them that way. Ramen are already cooked so they're not uncooked, just dried.
I used to eat Ramen like that too, I liked it a lot actually. I'd sprinkle a little water on it so the spices would stick then crunch away.
Load More Replies... This story is so sad. Its remembering me how I had to be strong when I was living with my dad. Yes its survival mode and you cant just press "Pause" there is no stop. When I was 15years old my dad kicked me from the house. This was the best thing that could happened to me (even if it was a rough time) I always say I started living at 15 now.
I think that kids who get kicked out before they're legally old enough to support themselves with full time work should be able to sue their parents for back child support years later.
Load More Replies... Sometimes life boils down to perspective and this is a good one to be mindful of
I cried. And I'm a trauma therapist who is used to a lot. How strong hè is!
I'm sorry you had to go through that. In my experience C-PTSS can get better. Find a traumatherapist. Medication will not cure: most medication pushes down feelings that should be felt to be processed.
Load More Replies... I frequently engage kids in conversation, sometimes at the annoyance of their parents, so they feel like they have someone who listens to them. Often times the stories are fantastic and don't make a lot of sense, but it's great to see how excited they get than an adult is interested in talking about kids stuff. I'm just grateful to have a son that exposes me to all the latest greatest topics in the kid world. Oh..and Ramen is his favorite meal..but he prefers his cooked.
I knew a couple years ago that took in foster children. The very first one, aged four, would hide caches of food all over the house. This was because her bio parents would lock her in a closet with a box of crackers and a bottle of water, then go off and party for a weekend or longer. So she learned to survive by making sure she always had these secret sources of food. At four. My friends ended up adopting her, so I guess she was a "foster fail".
some people should never be allowed to procreate. Not speaking about this loving foster family obviously. Just some people don't deserve children!
Totally agree. Actually, these cases are my biggest argument against god. If there were a benevolent god, s/he wouldn't allow these people to have children.
Load More Replies... I wish that I could adopt but sadly I doubt I will never be in a financial situation to do so, at least where I live. This poor boy is so strong.
I have always wanted to be a foster parent. I have a close friend who is one and while I can't say it's completely turned me off the idea, it has certainly been eye opening. She had one little 3 year old who arrived at her house emaciated and fresh out surgery from a broken leg caused by a parent. I fell in love with the little guy and I was beyond furious when social services chose to give him back to the parents. Especially since my friend and her husband were willing to adopt. I knew in my gut something bad would happen again. We all did. And we were right because he's back with my friend with a broken arm. The system is so damn frustrating.
We always stole those noodle packs an crushed them up an ate them raw. Some brands even tried to market them as being a snack eaten uncooked
Here in Korea and Japan, they sell them like dried snacks too, actually. But they're packed differently from the regular ones. Also, usually come in smaller quantities.
Load More Replies... We still eat that. Break em up. We call em hobo crackers for some reason.
Both heartbreaking and heartwarming. I commend Aubren Dudley for taking the time to listen to her child. It's her child indeed; not biologically, but in all the ways that matter.
I adopted my own children 15 years ago, they had been so badly neglected, that the oldest boy at two and a half years old had never eaten food, just formular, he was taken to hospital with malnutrition, they were both left in a cot separately in the dark all day with no toys no stimulation
Survival mode... I'm still in survival mode and I'm 24 years old. I spent a year under the "care" of one of my mom's friends and her family. It was a family of six, three adults snd three children and they all tormented me. The parents physically and mentally abused me and used their kids to try their best to hinder my academic growth because I was out performing their kids. I had to learn to control my emotions otherwise I was beat the moment my face moved. I developed such an amazing poker face and locked away my emotions that as an adult, I have trouble expressing emotions externally and internally. I get annoyed at people crying or expressing negative emotions and I'm uncomfortable when people are nice to me and smile. It puts me on edge because as a child, under the care of thos emonsters, smiles meant a surprise beating or mental torture. I developed extreme light sensitivity in my eyes and a stronf preference for dark rooms because they'd leave me locked up in the dark for so long that my eyes adjusted and surprisingly, darkness became an advantage for me. I could see them but they couldn't see me sk I was able to avoid their limbs and they'd just get sk frustrated that they'd leave and lock me in there longer. But I was fine with that because they weren't in there with me. It was peaceful and I didn't have to be on guard all the time. But as a grown adult, it's a problem to be so emotionally stunted and preferring to sit in dark rooms all day.
Remember this the next time someone says ''Men don't face any hardships in life''.
Now I'm sitting here missing salad cream sandwiches and sugar sandwiches.
If you're a very hungry child and your useless parents don't feed you, any source of calories will do.
Load More Replies...
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