Despite all the less than savory aspects of humankind and the prejudices we hold, there’s still hope for us, I feel. People can change and, sometimes, they change for the better. And that’s a dollop of light and magic in these dark and uncertain times.
Former racists opened up about what made them change their ways in a thread on r/AskReddit, and their stories give an important glimpse into how nobody’s ever beyond redemption. Scroll down to read their stories. When you’re done, let us know in the comments if you know anyone who has ever renounced their racist mindset in a similar fashion and why, dear Pandas.
I reached out to redditor u/Gamerbrineofficial, the author of the r/AskReddit thread, to get their opinion. They were kind enough to answer my questions. Scroll down for Bored Panda's interview with them.
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My father's side was very racist, but it was a black neighbor who helped feed us when we were very poor.
As I got older, I realized she didn't even like us very much, but she was a mom who hated seeing hungry kids. That had a profound effect on me when I was small. How could black people be bad if they were giving us food? I decided my father was wrong at around age six.
Saddest part, I don't even remember her name. I wish I could thank her.
God Bless that neighbor who decided to feed the kids no matter what their parents were teaching them. Hungry kids are hungry no matter what their parents believe, and kindness towards kids is never the wrong choice.
The author of the r/AskReddit thread, u/Gamerbrineofficial, told Bored Pand about the inspiration behind the question that they asked. "I had just watched a YouTube video about an ex-Nazi and a Jewish person talking about their lives when I got the idea for the post," they shared with Bored Panda what got them thinking about life.
The redditor believes that exposing ourselves to new cultural experiences, whether through volunteering, travel, or other ways, can help make us more accepting of other people. "I think by embracing other races and cultures as human, we can work towards a better world."
My story is a bit different from the others here. I was a skinhead since I was a kid..about 13. We ran in a gang and listened to both racial music and also nonracial music. We were a bit mouthy etc about race, but the place we grew up in was totally white. There was one Chinese lass out our whole school..about 1,200 people. It didn't take me too long to realize that the "they took our jobs" talk was a load of s**te as there were no ethnic people..and no jobs. So I did grow out of the racist thing myself pretty quickly.
It was only really when I went to university that I actually encountered different races. I got to work beside black and Asian guys, played football with Africans and Greeks and generally had a great time and met great people who I still keep in contact with. I think even though I didn't consider myself racist..I couldn't imagine me having black friends..or going on holiday with a group that included several Muslims, which I did do a couple of years back.
Wee funny story before I end about prejudices. I went to live in another city, and was just myself..talk to anyone. One night I got a cab. The driver was a Muslim in full Pakistani cultural gear. Skull cap, long gown etc. I thought, people are people and have the right to do or dress how they want, but I don't think we are going to have a lot o talk about, not much common ground. I gave him my address and sat back to chill out.
Guy turns round..you a Scot? I said yeah mate. Then he starts chatting about when he first came to England in the 60s before the majority of Pakistanis, he used to get picked on at school. The other guys who were picked on were Scots and Irish. So they formed a gang of the eight of them. From that day they could go watch football, go out at night, and generally stick up for each other. He said, that was a long time ago, and I still get a shiver when I hear Scots or Irish accents. Now he teaches kids at the mosque not to dislike white christians, and the best ways to mix and interact. We sat for 20 minutes when we arrived at my house and just shot the breeze.
I think that's when the last bit of bigotry left me.
Not me, but my dad was quite racist to the local native group. My dad was a woodsman and felt the native land agreements were unfair, and didn't agree with their hunting and fishing rights/treaties.
At age 18 during my last year of highschool I was doing a lot of community volunteer work and my dad helped out managing a youth program with me. The parent group above us arranged for an event at the local reserve.
My dad begrudgingly went with me to the event to supervise the younger kids.
It was a transformative experience for him. We were invited to take part in a drum circle, did a bunch of ice breaker activities, listened to talks, met elders, and were served amazing food.
The band gave my dad a t-shirt and he proudly wore it so often after that, someone actually asked him if he was native. (he does have darker skin colouring from being outside but is still as white as they come)
Now my dad speaks out a lot against racism directed at native/indigenous folks. He's become very passionate.
On the one hand I'm really glad he improved but on the other I think it's sad he needed a personal experience of such magnitude to have empathy. It places the burden on THEM to educate US. But I suppose it's still better than him being racist the rest of his life.
I also wanted to get the redditor's opinion about modern-day racism. "I agree racism is alive in the 21st century (unfortunately) and has been alive since other races first started interacting with one another," they told Bored Panda. Despite the fact that there are people fighting for more tolerance in the world, u/Gamerbrineofficial doesn't believe that racism can ever be fully eradicated. "I do not think, sadly, that racism will ever be fully gone from the human race. It is a sad reality that there will always be hateful people in the world."
Previously, I spoke about accepting everyone, no matter our differences, with award-winning human rights activist and writer, Elizabeth Artif-Fear. She told Bored Panda that at the core of acceptance lie empathy, communication, listening, dialogues, and compassion. We have to strive to expand our social circles and move out of our own echo chambers and comfort boxes.
"It's important to meet, socialize, work with and get to know people from a variety of different backgrounds—people from different ethnic backgrounds, age groups, faith traditions, nationalities, etc. This helps us to learn about different views, beliefs, experiences, and values,” she said.
This story is difficult to share. I am typing this at the request of my son.
I was raised as a racist. We lived in Southern California near a lot of minorities. My father was a union leader and I think his hatred of minorities came from his job, because the union was mostly white guys and they saw the minorities as trying to take their jobs. Whenever we would drive around and see them in the street, my dad would always point them out and talk s**t about them.
I grew up and had kids of my own. I was doing the same thing to them without realizing it. One day I came home and caught my 14 year old daughter screwing around with a black kid. I threw him out of my house and beat him in my driveway. The cops were called and I went to prison for assault. In prison, I saw how ethnically divided everything was, but my counselor was the one who basically shook me out of it. She helped me realize that continuing this hatred would really only hurt my own life. I tried to avoid the racial groups in my prison. I stayed on my own and earned my GED. In my classes I met a lot of minorities who had also never graduated high school. I listened to my counselor and got to know them and realized what a hard life they had. Before, I thought that they were just lazy and sold drugs for easy money. We went through a lot of the same struggles in our education.
When I got out, I started a construction company. I make an effort to hire both former cons and also minorities. I am trying to make up for the kind of things I have done in the past.
Thank your daughter for me. I believe writing it down and saying it out loud will keep you in this path
I met a holocaust survivor. He was a child at the camp in Sobibor. It was a life changing experience. Without it, I’d probably have ended up being part of the alt-right. Instead, I got a real wake up call and have taken to being a major supporter or human rights.
I was skinhead adjacent during high school. It offered me identity and a sense of belonging and purpose. Started becoming more extreme, identifying more with the idea of white oppression by “the Jews”. Then I had this sudden realization that my best friend was a Jew. And his family offered me more acceptance and belonging than I’d ever find in the movement. It was an amazing aha moment. To think that I was teaching myself to hate the people who showed me the most love was a little heartbreaking but it was an important moment in my life. I’ve never looked back.
Thanks for also mentioning what brought you into racism in the first place. I believe the belonging part is much more important in catching people than the actual ideology. Too many lonely/unheard/misunderstood folks out there, who are an easy prey to the pseudo-community that racists (and other asssholes) seem to offer
According to the human rights activist, volunteering and travel are two ways that can help us learn more about the world and how different people live.
“That's why initiatives in our local area such as volunteer projects, inter-community groups, interfaith projects, and social/youth clubs which enable us to meet as many different people as possible are so important. Authentic travel is also important but not affordable or accessible to everyone. Funded schemes, fellowships, and intercultural exchange programs may offer more affordable and accessible ways to engage," she told Bored Panda.
Lets pretend you’ve never seen a platypus. But you’ve heard about them. You’ve heard that they have a bill and webbed feet. You’ve heard that they lay eggs. You’ve heard that they have a tail like a beaver. But you, yourself, have never seen one. You take for granted that these things are true because EVERYONE around you says they are.
I grew up in a super tiny farm town in the middle of nowhere. All 300 people in the town were white. My parents were racist. My friends were racist. My friend’s parents were racists. Even the vast majority of teachers in our k-12 school grew up in or around my town, and were racist. Guess what? With literally every single person around me telling me that black people were inferior, i thought black people were inferior. I took for granted that it was true, because it seemed unlikely that EVERYONE was wrong. Just like I currently take for granted that a platypus lays eggs.
When I was 10 I went to a summer camp a few hours north of me. There were black, hispanic, and asian kids there. Hell, I even shared a cabin with a black kid. I honestly thought I would get attacked at night. By the end of the third day of camp, I realized that other than talking a bit different, my black cabinmate was no different than my white cabinmates. And the talking a bit different thing didn’t bother me. I had family from other parts of the US that talked different from me, and it didn’t matter much.
This started a slow but steady realization in me that maybe my parents were wrong about things, and maybe people were just people. I’d like to think that I treat everyone with the same level of respect today. I sincerely hope I do, anyway.
Still not sure about platypus though
A lot of my old racist tendencies were subtly taught through culture and peers. I didn't start changing until I finally realized what Dr. Martin Luther King meant in his speech: don't judge people by the things they had no choice over, judge them by the choices they make.
It's never somebody's choice to be born black, asian, middle eastern, Hispanic, gay, bisexual, or transexual. It's totally somebody's choice to want to see them wiped from the face of the Earth.
“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”
I was 1 of 3 native people in a school with 300 people. I was harassed daily, got called a chug, squaw, dirty Indian and was told to go back to my rez. I've had food, bottles and other things thrown at me. My cellphone was stolen and smashed days after my parents saved up to buy me my own. Girls would try and physically fight me for no other reason than that I didn't look like them.
By the end of highschool I HATED white people. I thought they all hated me so it would be fine if I expressed the same kind of resentment and anger, even towards strangers who hadn't done anything wrong.
All it took to change my mind, was a trip to a national park with my dog. People were so friendly and kind. I couldn't believe it, people from all of the world were interacting with me and my dog. I was receiving nothing but kindness and love, especially from white people and children who wanted to pet my dog. That's all it took, was a dog to undo years of my racism towards white people. Surely if my dog could love any human he encountered, why couldn't I?
"If we only ever meet, see, and talk with people of exactly the same backgrounds we miss out on the varied nuanced diverse experiences of life. In such a context, we can't work to understand other people's needs, wants, views and experiences as best as possible. We're all neighbors and our diversity should be celebrated,” Elizabeth said.
“Learn a new language, volunteer at a non-profit organization supporting people from different backgrounds, and go out there and meet people and visit places (when safe to do so!)," she suggested some ways in which anyone can broaden their minds.
I fell hard for a guy of color. Made me question everything - every thought I ever had. And while it didn’t work out I’m forever grateful for him and his compassion and patience.
I teach film to kids some times, and we come in and make a film with these kids in a matter of days. This one kid I had in my group recently was known as coming from a racist household, mainly against refugees (a big point here in Europe right now). He made some remarks here and there, and when watching the news got very focal against refugees.
We were going to show a short documentary about refugees, and the teacher was preparing me that this kid could be triggered by this and be annoying. The documentary we watched was from the point of view of a kid just a few years older then the kids in this class. You saw him struggling to learn our language, living in close quarters and most importantly living far away from his parents. A big part of the film was about him trying to get permission to get his mother and sisters, whom he had not seen in years, here.
At the end of the film the refugee family was not reunited. After trying for years to no avail. The kids in the class were all devastated, but most of all this one ‘racist’ kid. He insisted on signing the petition to help the boy in front of the whole class, and was noticeably upset about the situation the boy lived in.
It warmed my heart to see him go against the hate he had been taught. Kids aren’t racist. They are just copying their parents. The empathy in a child is such a wonderful thing.
I see this a lot while interacting with other kids. They're just repeating what their parents say, they don't have their own opinions most of the time. They need to learn how to think for themselves, especially since many of them are anti-mask and anti-vax.
Being born in a brown family you'd think there's nothing to be racist about. I mean, we're already of colour who are we racist about? Well, you're wrong. Brown parents are racist of every other race. Black, Asian and even white people (yes, that's also racism as it is discrimination because of colour). So as children of brown parents we're also brought up thinking that any other race is bad, for whatever reason. (Not only colour but brown parents also discriminate because of religion, just wanted to add)
Anyways, in highschool I had a few friends who were a little darker in colour than the rest of us and my parents told me to stay away from them. But they were genuinely nicer than many other fake friends (it's highschool) so I liked hanging out with them. That's when I realized that it was a genuine wrong thinking and also that this will always be normal in my brown household so I chose to move to another country. I mean, there were many other reasons for me to get to this decision
This needs to be talked about. The global conversation on racism revolves almost entirely around poc in white western countries. This is partly why Asia is sooo racist. They don't see it as their problem. When the whole BLM thing was going on people here didn't even bother to reflect on their own actions. All I heard was " oh look at how racist those white people are". Colorism is huge here, religious intolerance is frightfully high and don't get me started on discrimination based on ethnicity and social class.
My parents were both closet racists (racist behind closed door/out of earshot) but we were taught other races couldn't be trusted as kids. I can remember my mum deliberately not inviting a Pakistani kid to a birthday party that sort of thing.
I was stereotypical angry white kid, around 15yo I started listening to Eminem that progressed into black artists I heard him duet with.
I genuinely give credit to rap music for making me realise my parents were wrong. Biggie, Snoop, Dre, Kanye and 50cent opened me up to a different path in life which ended me up with a Japanese partner so all's well that ends well.
This is all great and well, but I personally don't think marrying out of your race is the ultimate "I made it out of racism" triumph. You get something in return out of marriage. These stories are much more touching (imo) without the triumphant marraige at the end. Show me you learned to love someone different from you with no promised exchange in return. I live in a community where people constantly hail mixed marraiges as the end to racism and I feel we are missing something there. Still happy they were freed from such hatred though! And through rap, I love it!
I started a construction job. Hispanics are some of the nicest, funniest people you’ll ever meet. The language barrier even adds to the hilarity. It was an eye opener that these guys are just trying to make a living and go home, just like me. Landing this job has changed my view on ALL races and I’m very happy it did. You can’t just HATE someone for their distance from the equator.
"You can't just hate someone for their distance from the equator." Boom. Nailed it.
This isn’t a former racist thing, but I realized early on that color isn’t “only skin deep.” If you grew up in the late ‘80s and ‘90s this was a thing people said. Color is only skin deep. My friend cut his knee in gym class and it started bleeding. After they got it all cleaned up I saw that his skin color only went down like 1/16 of an inch. It’s only a couple layers of your skin. Under that he was as white as me. So yeah, that’s when I realized we’re all the same color under the first couple layers of skin. It isn’t skin-deep, it’s just the outer part of the skin.
It's a very common white attitude to use whiteness as the default and compare everyone else to that whiteness. So this guy is white like you a few millimetres down, and that's what makes him ok? I know that's not what you mean, but that is actually what you said. It wouldn't matter if someone were black all the way through and had different coloured blood from me. Being like me is not what makes someone acceptable. Being human is what unites us.
Sesame Street. I'm not even joking.
Was raised in a slightly racist household in a pretty racist state.
Seeing kids of all colors playing together made me wonder why my mom wouldn't let me play with certain people.
It kind of snowballed from there.
Sesame Street has been pretty progressive through its history and ALWAYS put the social and cultural education of children at the top. Look at all those bigoted dickheads getting all pissed off at big bird, or about the muppet with same sex parents. They are teaching children about honest world and human values and they don't get swayed by politicians or angry interest groups. I applaud them for sticking to their guns for 50 years despite pushback by people with theirs heads up their asses.
I used to be pretty racist. I would say things like “I’m not racist, I just think black Americans have a culture problem”, or “I’m not racist but why don’t they listen to cops?” Just things like that. Like always making excuses for the oppressors but never allowing a single excuse for the oppressed.
What got me out of it was just working in retail and being exposed to other people and ideas. I learned to put people first. Put people above culture, put people above tradition, put people above current systems. If you do that, really learn to value human life, you will end up a progressive every single time
I met, fell in love with, and married a black woman. I was extremely ignorant and did not believe there was a race problem in this country. Then again I grew up with an extremely comfortable privileged life. Then once I started getting the same looks and stares and comments from being with her, yeah trust me it’s a huge problem.
My friend was an on again off again Trumper last year and kept posting about how "hero" Luke Skywalker and a few of us told him Luke literally had a school of jedi of all different races and backgrounds and sexes, you root for him as a fictional character but support the Emperor of real life and he got real quiet.
You could just ask your friend to check Mark Hamill himself Twitter account, where he called Trump Tangerine Palpatine))
Growing up I was told that all the woes of my state were caused by those ( ethnic slur)s. We would drive through the poor area of town and it would be pointed out to me that " they make everything worse. they are like cockroaches". Something about these claims just didn't sit right with me and when I was old enough to look things up online I realized everything I was told was truth was just regurgitated Fox News. The more I looked things up, the more lies I saw. Nobody would listen to me when I tried to show them. I think they know deep down, but racism is an easy scapegoat for the world's problems.
My parents were/are racist. I grew up in a “Christian evangelical” household. Despite living in a diverse city (London) my parents would say the most disgusting things. And of course, I said the same things. I didn’t know any better - until I educated myself. Now I call out the racisms and homophobia - but it’s exhausting being the person who made mum cry again. My mum died a while ago, and although I do miss her and have fond memories of her - my overruling memories of her is when she was toxic and racist/homophobic. My dad is the same, but is less vocal about it.
My parents were the typical I am not racist I have black/Asian friends. I always used to say, what do you think your black/Asians friends would say if they heard what you said behind closed doors.
One time - I moved country. And I was really new to the country so didn’t speak the native language. My mum FaceTimed me and was complaining about how she is fed up of not hearing English in the streets and all these immigrants taking our jobs.. blah blah blah. I couldn’t believe she was saying that - to me, an immigrant who didn’t speak the language. Racists are just f**king stupid. There is zero logic in their way of thinking.
Little nervous posting this, ngl. I served Marine infantry for four years and deployed to the middle east. I got out about 6 years ago and idk if racist is the right to describe me then, but its pretty close. I hated everyone from the middle east. Didn't matter religion, age, gender - I hated all of them. If they were born in the US, I had no feelings against them, which is why idk if its racism or "regionalism" or something. Maybe I'm trying to shift blame, but I feel like it was not all my fault. We were trained to not think of them as people, and seeing them in country wounding and killing my fellow Americans really had a way of warping my opinion.
I got out of it by growing up and experiencing diverse cultures in college. The world is a huge place. If I can go out of state to this university and meet people from other states, other countries...they are good people from places I've never heard of. It just makes sense that there must be good people in the middle east as well. It took a few years of softening up, but the hatred wore off. I look back and im at least a little disgusted with myself. I never acted out against someone or committed a hate crime. It simply wasn't fair of me to think the way I did. But tbh a lot of things aren't fair to a poor boy from the middle of a flyover state fighting in a war. I'm glad I changed. I'm not glad I was ever that hateful in the first place. Its not one of those "im glad I experienced it so I could grow" situations. It was just bad.
This is so scary. These were the people who were supposed to liberate the middle east and Afghanistan? Yikes.
I was a lower case r racist growing up. Not a cross burner or anything like that, but I had biases, I made tons of jokes and comments, and as shallow as this sounds I wouldn't even watch porn if it featured anyone of color.
what broke it for me was my early adult life. I worked s**t jobs and dealt with occasional homelessness. I ended up having to spend time with people of color. A lot of it.
It's hard to stay angry and bitter when you work with people for years, alone with them for hours at a time every night. You find common ground even if you try and fight it.
It starts with overhearing them talk about s**t you like too, smelling their dinner while they're on break and going "damn that smells delicious.", seeing s**t in the newspapers and hearing them express similar feelings.
No matter how much you try and dehumanize them, you just can't fight the eventual realization that they're just like you, with maybe a few quirky differences.
Travelling. To actually experience the culture of other people is a brutal eye-opener.
Echo chambers and lack of diversity. I grew up in the 90’s in an area with a tiny black population. The older people were racist, and the younger people just repeated what the older people said and didn’t have any experiences with black people that could have changed their minds. Not to mention it doesn’t help when the news blasted black crime all over the television every night to help fuel the divide.
I started thinking for myself and learned to judge people based on the person they are. I read books, and philosophies, and simply educated myself. I also started noticing that the white supremacists were always the least supreme looking of the white race. Trash breads trash.
Yep. I grew up in a similar time and looking back I realized the only time black people were featured on the news or TV in general were in mug shots.
Interacting with other races. Was racist against Mexican people because the first one I spoke to was a d**k. Loved black people cuz one of my best friends was black. Then I worked with the laziest slobbiest black guy, and the most honest hard-working Mexican dude. Then I remembered that a lot of white people were d**ks, and a lot of us were lazy. And then I met this Indian dude. He smelled. Awful. Every day he smelled terrible. I also am capable of smelling awful and I've been a d**k to people, and I've been lazy at some jobs. I'm a person, everyone else is also a person, really doesn't matter that colour they are or what they believe in. I'll disagree with some people and I'll agree with others. We're all people.
I was raised in a close family setting and didn’t have many friends. Went to school but never really did anything. Made good grades. Dropped out 9th grade really went full on conservative and racist. I mean my whole family still is so it was just casual talk for us.
Then I went to college, met a lot of people, did a lot of finding myself. I knew I was a lesbian years ago when I was 18. But when I was in my late 20s early 30s I went to college and really found myself. Realized that’s not how I wanted to live. I was socialized with lots of people from lots of different backgrounds and lots of new perspectives. And found out that within myself I was an angry person due to my past traumas and didn’t like that part of me. And almost changed overnight. I don’t laugh at my families racist jokes anymore, I don’t hang out with them much unless they come to my house, I’ve moved past it and have grown up and matured.
I’m not perfect but I’m no longer a racist. And I no longer blindly say all cops are good. Husband and I argue quite a bit over that. He was a police dispatcher for 20 years. He sees the bad ones but says it’s only a few. And in recent years we’ve both realized it’s more than just a few.
You knew you were a lesbian but got a husband? Like are you bisexual? Did your label change? You need to give context
I realized that I didn’t dislike black people for being black...I disliked pretty much everyone regardless of color. Just lived in a s**tty area and everyone was s**tty. Left and everything got better.
Leaving home. My mom is Japanese and raised me Japanese, racism and all. I left my house late 17y/o and now that I’ve lived on my own, I grew to be myself, and with that, grew up mentally.
As stated by Mohammed before, I really appreciate all the shares that go beyond black and white. As a black person, I have unknowingly offended or harmed people of other cultures and gratefully had friends to expose things to me or resources available to make me aware. There are ways to be racist, prejudice, or ignorant in all directions unfortunately
I come from a non-practicing Christian background and grew up in a small town where everyone was white as well. Though I never personally experienced outwardly racist sentiments from my family, I did not personally meet someone with different skin color than mine until I was 19. That's 19 years of development and never personally interacting with someone of a visibly different race. There was 1 black family that moved to my town when I was about 11 and I found out years later they sadly had to move due to racism. I'm sure that was very isolating for them. Thanks to a weird, archaic, low-tech device called a 'television' I was exposed to African Americans by way of Family Matters, The Cosby Show, and 21 Jumpstreet. Carl Otis Winslow's outbursts cracked me up. I never much cared for Urkel and his antics, Carl was my 'average dad next-door' hero. Theo Huxtable was an early tv crush, and as I got a little older, I adored Judy Hoffs! She was the coolest cop chick on tv and wanted to hang out with her at that modified church headquarters. I still watch the show just for her character, and to recognize filming locations and scenic backdrops from Vancouver. Not to mention some of my favorite vocalists are Mixed Race/African American/Jamaican or from the Bahamas. Through the entertainment I consumed, I just accepted that there are people out there, vastly different than myself that I was always curious about them. I just always assumed people who weren't having vile racist poison poured down their gullets and had access to cable, movies, and MTV would experience different people the same way. It's nice to know there's hope for people to come out of that. I'd like to believe that racism, is one small jagged fragment of the human condition that has never taken hold in my mind and I hope it never does.
YES! Oh my gosh I loved those shows and looking back I'm so glad they were marketed as just shows and not "and now for our black family show!" It was just shown as normal TV. I loved Sister Sister, Cosby Family, Family Matters, Fresh Prince, The Proud family, even Single Living. So so good. Representation matters!
Note: this post originally had 68 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
Exposure and widen your experience are the keys. The world is out there, one shouldn't be determined by colors, cultures, races or religions. There are bad and good people with every face.
This is very true. Sadly, however, my experiences have made me more alert towards those African men who approach me, because, so far, most of them just tried it with me in a selfish, unpleasant way. Not been assaulted, which is a good thing (not that I fear that, just stating this as a little piece of info for anyone reading this comment who might have a dramatically wide imagination). I had no problems with African looking Americans, though, the USA people, they were nice. Still, I don't immediately jump to assumptions, but my awkward self might get the best of me sometimes and I can look as a racist. I find it embarrassing, but what can I do? Can't adapt to everyone and in every situation. (For context, I am Mediterranean European in Korea, and these encounters happened all in Korea, my second home my whole adult life.)
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So my husband.....grew up with an extremely racist/homophobic father. Its taught on that side. His great grandfather was a dragon in the kkk. When he grew up he was attacked in downtown knoxville for being white on the black side of town (by three large black men, I'm talking about my husband) when another big black guy ran and helped him fend off the attackers. He then apologized to my husband for their actions and they became close friends. Soon after my husband meet a gay guy through his ex wife. They became best friends. Recently our middle son came out bi. We are totally cool with it. My dad had a simular experience. But when he got into the military he became best friends with a gay black soldier. Who is like an uncle to me. He protected his secret in the military so he was not discharged. My dad raised me totally different than he was raised because he realized all of his idealism was horrible wrong growing up.
Rascism is mostly fear, once you get to know the people, this fear will disappear. Good for your husband and dad!
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So, plenty posts here and I see no single one about Netherlands. Literally most mixed culture probably on this world and they're racist as hell. Won't be active most of the time, but the jokes, thinking of other races (not so much religion I noticed they seem to be pretty ok with different beliefs) its unbelievable. And if you happen to be dutch of different race they'll easy do it in front of you about "others" and tell you not to be offended because that's not about you, that's about those "others". I'm whiter than 70% dutch people but I happen to be foreigner and it's unavoidable and ridiculous. And wait till you hear their opinion about slavery... Anyway, it is a problem. Everywhere.
Yeah, I kinda avoid the Netherlands after my one and only visit so far. Lovely country until they see me (dark-eyed) also dark-tanned. I'm that "otehr". Ummm.... Wow. And, oh, yeah, they apologized to Africa, so slavery's all fixed. That was another thing I heard. As they told me, a US citizen, how racist my nation is. I'd sooner hang out with my UK in-laws, who are at least non-hypocritical about being racist sh*ts.
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If you are white, the chances are that you have absorbed some aspects of racism just by being alive in the world. I would urge everyone, regardless of your background, to learn more about implicit bias (there are tests you can take online). Even those who are champions for equality will have areas of ignorance of bias, without realizing it. Read about racism. Read about white privilege. Listen to first hand accounts of people of colour. The truth is out there, waiting for everyone to find it.
Actually, white has nothing to do with it. Being alive and human means you will be in contact with it.
Load More Replies... I grew up in a small town and was one of only three "non-white" kids at school. I'm mixed race, my dad is white, my mum is West Indian and I look really ethnically ambiguous, people who have tried to guess have said pretty much every country on the globe. I got a lot of racist abuse, all three of us kids did. There was a Chinese girl who's family ran the local Chinese takeaway and there was an Indian girl who's family ran the local Indian takeaway. My dad was a doctor and my mum was a nurse, I got abuse for that too as apparently my parents, especially my mum, shouldn't be successful. It was bizarre. It never put me off white people and I did have a circle of friends consisting of musicians and artists. That was great, if I didn't have them I don't know how I may have felt.
I'm so sorry that you where treated that way. I hate to constantly apologize for us white people being ignorant as fk sometimes, hopefully you find peace now days being you.
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Great variety of stories, but I do think the title is over-optimistic. Racism is not just something you switch out of completely in a moment of enlightenment to become an ex-racist. Prejudices are deeply entrenched and internalised to the point of becoming unconscious biases that you can. Art and exercise despite your best intentions. The work to unlearn them is an ongoing need rather than a handful of encounters that helped you see the light
Very true. It's a lifelong process, and everyone makes mistakes. I remember a time I was trying so very hard not to be racist. A kid in my class wanted to wear a racist Native American costume for Halloween so I dove into the entire history of genocide and how that wasn't cool -- in front of my Native friend who was understandably pissed that I just casually brought up genocide. My intentions were good, but I was definitely still ignorant and hurt her. Learning not to be racist is a lifelong process.
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Few years ago neighbours moved in. A couple from Ghana and their young kids same age as ours. Eventually our kids were at the age where they wanted to play together outside and part of me was kinda worried one of mine would say something innocent but might be taken as inappropriate as our area is mostly white. Nope, all got along great. Lovely kids too. And my kids did eventually ask me about the skin colour difference and once I explained it was "ok" and that was that.
As a white kid in a 95% all black high school I can tell you how it is to be the victim of severe racism. DO NOT TELL ME BLACK PEOPLE CANT BE RACIST!!!!
Being isolated due to one's race (or perceived race) *sucks*. That said, racism is not just about whites vs blacks or blacks vs whites. Within some cultures, the *shade* of one's brown-to-dark-brown skin is an issue. TLDR: Sucks to be the one treated as The Other. Don't do it to people. Especially if you know how it feels.
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I am fortunate to say that I grew up oblivious to racism. I grew up in NYC with friends and neighbors from all races, cultures, religions, etc. which was delightful.Never once did I feel someone treat me differently because of my skin tone nor did I know that treating someone differently because of skin tone was still a thing. It was something that we learned about in history class and in books but didn’t experience first hand. It wasn’t until I was an adult and moved to other states, first PA and then NC that knew what that was like. It was disheartening and made me sad that Southern kindness was only a stereotype I had read about in books. It has made me more hesitant to put myself out there and make more friends because you never know what a stranger’s experience has been like and how they might perceive you before you’ve even managed to get a word out. I wish all children could grow up in the bubble I did. The beautiful melting pot bubble that was my childhood.
I am a white woman who grew up in apartheid South Africa; I didn't vote for it, I didn't cause it nor did I ever condone it. I have never considered myself racist, even when the Government introduced affirmative action. I was in my 20's, in the 90's when we were told we had to hire a black man to work in our group. He was a nice enough man, cheerful and pleasant, but he never came to work on time, left early and never did anything apart from talk on the phone and leave the office to run his own errands. I had to do all his work as well as mine; no-one could do anything about it, his job was secured. I left as soon as I was able to; I felt frustrated that as a woman with a degree, I was doing the work of 2 people but earning a pittance - I lived in the safest area I could afford, and I was feeling very unsafe as a single white woman. I left South Africa in 1998, and haven't been to visit since 2003; I don't miss anything about South Africa. I now live in the UK; I worked as a carer specialising in challenging behaviour and dementia, palliative care and long term clinical care. I worked alongside people from all over, mostly Eastern Europe and Africa. I was always hearing about these "foreigners" stealing the jobs, when I said I was a foreigner too, they would look embarrassed and say "oh, not like you, you're like one of us" because I speak, read and write perfect English. We "foreigners" aren't stealing the jobs, we are willing to do the jobs the English don't want to do: minimum wage, unsociable hours, challenging work. I think that as long as we see differences instead of similarities, we will always find a reason to dislike eachother.
What was the point of talking about the Black guy who according to you never did his own job? Then you mention not feeling safe as a White woman, so that means what? Your entire post is suspect as hell. Doing too much work and not getting paid right happens to MANY people, of every stripe/color.
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I love this post. It comes down to the "contact theorie" after all, that you are very likely to dispose your stereotypical opinions or hate if you meet the people you hate and get to know them.
My mom is 100% Italian. Her grandparents came over in 1904 and 1906. They always made sure we understood that we came from NORTHERN Italy. We didn't come steerage but 2nd class. We weren't part of the mass migration from southern Italy and Sicily. Our grandparents and parents all graduated from college. Was always told to stay away from Sicilians. There was quite a gap between the Northern and Southern Italians. While my very extended family now includes marriages into all kinds of colors and religions, somehow the prejudice against Southern Italians and Sicilians hung around.
Growing up in a very diverse neighborhood helped me to see everyone as equals. I don't have prejudice feelings towards anyone unless they are personally a bad person. There is a white woman that I went to school with that I am not very fond of, but her race has nothing to do with it. It's how shallow she seems to be and how she tries to appear like she is so worldly even though that is not the case. Also, she said the movie Bruce Almighty was blasphemy and I still don't understand how. I now live in a very racially diverse apartment complex and we all look out for one another. It has kind of gotten sad around here though because two of my neighbors aren't here anymore. One of them was my sister and she moved out and the other neighbor was a really nice guy that recently passed away. I have new neighbors though so it's not that lonely.
I met my first person of a shade different to mine when I was about 5/6 yo. He was my family doctor, the first Indian in a purely white small town. He was wonderful. I would like to think he laid the foundation of a non-bigoted person for the rest of my life; but only others could tell you that.
It would be really interesting knowing the opposite: what turned you into a racist?
Usually parents, from what I know of it. Parents program children. Or they have one bad experience and extrapolate from that "All (race in question) are bad".
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When I lived in the US for a couple of years (late 90s), I had some friends who were an older couple. We went on a weekend vacation together and, one night over dinner, I startes talking about the black vs white divide in America. We don't really have anything similar in Australia, our aboriginal issues are more akin to the native American issues. Anyways, I asked my friends what their thoughts were and I was so shocked when they told me they considered black people to be "inferior". I mentioned a couple of mutual friends who were black and asked "so you think (name) is inferior?" They both said that they did. And yet, they acted completely normally around our mutual black friends, but trashed them behind their backs!! It taught me so much about 'inherited racism', i.e. blindly following what your parents and peers say, just because you don't know any different. Now, I'm not perfect - I certainly have some racist thoughts of my own - but to actively think that someone is an inferior being just because of the colour of their skin is just...awful.
My husband was a skinhead before we met. WS tattoos and red laced Docs, the whole shebang. Homophobic as well. He changed the moment his son came out, crying because he thought his dad would hurt him. Hubby was horrified at his own behavior and opinions. Sucks that's what it took, but he recently got his last tat covered... by a black guy. Work was gorgeous. They hugged. He cried. ❤️🩹
I never considered myself racist, but I sometimes keep catching myself having racist thoughts about other ethnicities. Nothing as drastic as described here, of course, but really subtle prejudices about 'The Russians or The Chinese. And while cultural differences and even stereotypse do exist, (Germans, on the whole, really are pretty a**l xD ) it is really important that we keep trying to look beyond them. Because when we expect to see and experience something, our brain will do its best to make us see and experience exactly that.
I grew up a poor, farming, life, where my parents were Irish white (aka super elitist about religions *and* about race). Lots of ethnic jokes and epithets during my whole life. I was taught to pass it on. *Except* they also said anyone you don't know is "Sir/Madam", so when I moved to a major city, *everyone* was Sir/Madam. I didn't differentiate, and made friends of all races. It. Was. Life. Changing.
Errr.... dear sir? There's entries here of confessions from a variety of ethnical backgrounds?
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Not disagreeing. As a white person, I'm afraid to ask if I can help with awareness campaigns b/c it might be seen as racist. Even if all I'll do is make coffee or pass out leaflets. It's arrogant AF for white people to discuss the best way to end racism or how damaging it is, without including non-whites in the discussion. And if whites do, it's seen as token-ism. It feels like a no-win for whites who want to end racism. Nothing we'll do will be okay, and it just increases the alienation within societies, IMO, but what do I know? In the US, I'm white! (Otuside, a few questions are asked. Oy.)
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Huh? Sounds like self hatred to me according to all your comments. You are not oppressed even though you desperately want to be. Equality looks like oppression to you that says all we need to know about you.
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Exposure and widen your experience are the keys. The world is out there, one shouldn't be determined by colors, cultures, races or religions. There are bad and good people with every face.
This is very true. Sadly, however, my experiences have made me more alert towards those African men who approach me, because, so far, most of them just tried it with me in a selfish, unpleasant way. Not been assaulted, which is a good thing (not that I fear that, just stating this as a little piece of info for anyone reading this comment who might have a dramatically wide imagination). I had no problems with African looking Americans, though, the USA people, they were nice. Still, I don't immediately jump to assumptions, but my awkward self might get the best of me sometimes and I can look as a racist. I find it embarrassing, but what can I do? Can't adapt to everyone and in every situation. (For context, I am Mediterranean European in Korea, and these encounters happened all in Korea, my second home my whole adult life.)
Load More Replies... So my husband.....grew up with an extremely racist/homophobic father. Its taught on that side. His great grandfather was a dragon in the kkk. When he grew up he was attacked in downtown knoxville for being white on the black side of town (by three large black men, I'm talking about my husband) when another big black guy ran and helped him fend off the attackers. He then apologized to my husband for their actions and they became close friends. Soon after my husband meet a gay guy through his ex wife. They became best friends. Recently our middle son came out bi. We are totally cool with it. My dad had a simular experience. But when he got into the military he became best friends with a gay black soldier. Who is like an uncle to me. He protected his secret in the military so he was not discharged. My dad raised me totally different than he was raised because he realized all of his idealism was horrible wrong growing up.
Rascism is mostly fear, once you get to know the people, this fear will disappear. Good for your husband and dad!
Load More Replies... So, plenty posts here and I see no single one about Netherlands. Literally most mixed culture probably on this world and they're racist as hell. Won't be active most of the time, but the jokes, thinking of other races (not so much religion I noticed they seem to be pretty ok with different beliefs) its unbelievable. And if you happen to be dutch of different race they'll easy do it in front of you about "others" and tell you not to be offended because that's not about you, that's about those "others". I'm whiter than 70% dutch people but I happen to be foreigner and it's unavoidable and ridiculous. And wait till you hear their opinion about slavery... Anyway, it is a problem. Everywhere.
Yeah, I kinda avoid the Netherlands after my one and only visit so far. Lovely country until they see me (dark-eyed) also dark-tanned. I'm that "otehr". Ummm.... Wow. And, oh, yeah, they apologized to Africa, so slavery's all fixed. That was another thing I heard. As they told me, a US citizen, how racist my nation is. I'd sooner hang out with my UK in-laws, who are at least non-hypocritical about being racist sh*ts.
Load More Replies... If you are white, the chances are that you have absorbed some aspects of racism just by being alive in the world. I would urge everyone, regardless of your background, to learn more about implicit bias (there are tests you can take online). Even those who are champions for equality will have areas of ignorance of bias, without realizing it. Read about racism. Read about white privilege. Listen to first hand accounts of people of colour. The truth is out there, waiting for everyone to find it.
Actually, white has nothing to do with it. Being alive and human means you will be in contact with it.
Load More Replies... I grew up in a small town and was one of only three "non-white" kids at school. I'm mixed race, my dad is white, my mum is West Indian and I look really ethnically ambiguous, people who have tried to guess have said pretty much every country on the globe. I got a lot of racist abuse, all three of us kids did. There was a Chinese girl who's family ran the local Chinese takeaway and there was an Indian girl who's family ran the local Indian takeaway. My dad was a doctor and my mum was a nurse, I got abuse for that too as apparently my parents, especially my mum, shouldn't be successful. It was bizarre. It never put me off white people and I did have a circle of friends consisting of musicians and artists. That was great, if I didn't have them I don't know how I may have felt.
I'm so sorry that you where treated that way. I hate to constantly apologize for us white people being ignorant as fk sometimes, hopefully you find peace now days being you.
Load More Replies... Great variety of stories, but I do think the title is over-optimistic. Racism is not just something you switch out of completely in a moment of enlightenment to become an ex-racist. Prejudices are deeply entrenched and internalised to the point of becoming unconscious biases that you can. Art and exercise despite your best intentions. The work to unlearn them is an ongoing need rather than a handful of encounters that helped you see the light
Very true. It's a lifelong process, and everyone makes mistakes. I remember a time I was trying so very hard not to be racist. A kid in my class wanted to wear a racist Native American costume for Halloween so I dove into the entire history of genocide and how that wasn't cool -- in front of my Native friend who was understandably pissed that I just casually brought up genocide. My intentions were good, but I was definitely still ignorant and hurt her. Learning not to be racist is a lifelong process.
Load More Replies... Few years ago neighbours moved in. A couple from Ghana and their young kids same age as ours. Eventually our kids were at the age where they wanted to play together outside and part of me was kinda worried one of mine would say something innocent but might be taken as inappropriate as our area is mostly white. Nope, all got along great. Lovely kids too. And my kids did eventually ask me about the skin colour difference and once I explained it was "ok" and that was that.
As a white kid in a 95% all black high school I can tell you how it is to be the victim of severe racism. DO NOT TELL ME BLACK PEOPLE CANT BE RACIST!!!!
Being isolated due to one's race (or perceived race) *sucks*. That said, racism is not just about whites vs blacks or blacks vs whites. Within some cultures, the *shade* of one's brown-to-dark-brown skin is an issue. TLDR: Sucks to be the one treated as The Other. Don't do it to people. Especially if you know how it feels.
Load More Replies... I am fortunate to say that I grew up oblivious to racism. I grew up in NYC with friends and neighbors from all races, cultures, religions, etc. which was delightful.Never once did I feel someone treat me differently because of my skin tone nor did I know that treating someone differently because of skin tone was still a thing. It was something that we learned about in history class and in books but didn’t experience first hand. It wasn’t until I was an adult and moved to other states, first PA and then NC that knew what that was like. It was disheartening and made me sad that Southern kindness was only a stereotype I had read about in books. It has made me more hesitant to put myself out there and make more friends because you never know what a stranger’s experience has been like and how they might perceive you before you’ve even managed to get a word out. I wish all children could grow up in the bubble I did. The beautiful melting pot bubble that was my childhood.
I am a white woman who grew up in apartheid South Africa; I didn't vote for it, I didn't cause it nor did I ever condone it. I have never considered myself racist, even when the Government introduced affirmative action. I was in my 20's, in the 90's when we were told we had to hire a black man to work in our group. He was a nice enough man, cheerful and pleasant, but he never came to work on time, left early and never did anything apart from talk on the phone and leave the office to run his own errands. I had to do all his work as well as mine; no-one could do anything about it, his job was secured. I left as soon as I was able to; I felt frustrated that as a woman with a degree, I was doing the work of 2 people but earning a pittance - I lived in the safest area I could afford, and I was feeling very unsafe as a single white woman. I left South Africa in 1998, and haven't been to visit since 2003; I don't miss anything about South Africa. I now live in the UK; I worked as a carer specialising in challenging behaviour and dementia, palliative care and long term clinical care. I worked alongside people from all over, mostly Eastern Europe and Africa. I was always hearing about these "foreigners" stealing the jobs, when I said I was a foreigner too, they would look embarrassed and say "oh, not like you, you're like one of us" because I speak, read and write perfect English. We "foreigners" aren't stealing the jobs, we are willing to do the jobs the English don't want to do: minimum wage, unsociable hours, challenging work. I think that as long as we see differences instead of similarities, we will always find a reason to dislike eachother.
What was the point of talking about the Black guy who according to you never did his own job? Then you mention not feeling safe as a White woman, so that means what? Your entire post is suspect as hell. Doing too much work and not getting paid right happens to MANY people, of every stripe/color.
Load More Replies... I love this post. It comes down to the "contact theorie" after all, that you are very likely to dispose your stereotypical opinions or hate if you meet the people you hate and get to know them.
My mom is 100% Italian. Her grandparents came over in 1904 and 1906. They always made sure we understood that we came from NORTHERN Italy. We didn't come steerage but 2nd class. We weren't part of the mass migration from southern Italy and Sicily. Our grandparents and parents all graduated from college. Was always told to stay away from Sicilians. There was quite a gap between the Northern and Southern Italians. While my very extended family now includes marriages into all kinds of colors and religions, somehow the prejudice against Southern Italians and Sicilians hung around.
Growing up in a very diverse neighborhood helped me to see everyone as equals. I don't have prejudice feelings towards anyone unless they are personally a bad person. There is a white woman that I went to school with that I am not very fond of, but her race has nothing to do with it. It's how shallow she seems to be and how she tries to appear like she is so worldly even though that is not the case. Also, she said the movie Bruce Almighty was blasphemy and I still don't understand how. I now live in a very racially diverse apartment complex and we all look out for one another. It has kind of gotten sad around here though because two of my neighbors aren't here anymore. One of them was my sister and she moved out and the other neighbor was a really nice guy that recently passed away. I have new neighbors though so it's not that lonely.
I met my first person of a shade different to mine when I was about 5/6 yo. He was my family doctor, the first Indian in a purely white small town. He was wonderful. I would like to think he laid the foundation of a non-bigoted person for the rest of my life; but only others could tell you that.
It would be really interesting knowing the opposite: what turned you into a racist?
Usually parents, from what I know of it. Parents program children. Or they have one bad experience and extrapolate from that "All (race in question) are bad".
Load More Replies... When I lived in the US for a couple of years (late 90s), I had some friends who were an older couple. We went on a weekend vacation together and, one night over dinner, I startes talking about the black vs white divide in America. We don't really have anything similar in Australia, our aboriginal issues are more akin to the native American issues. Anyways, I asked my friends what their thoughts were and I was so shocked when they told me they considered black people to be "inferior". I mentioned a couple of mutual friends who were black and asked "so you think (name) is inferior?" They both said that they did. And yet, they acted completely normally around our mutual black friends, but trashed them behind their backs!! It taught me so much about 'inherited racism', i.e. blindly following what your parents and peers say, just because you don't know any different. Now, I'm not perfect - I certainly have some racist thoughts of my own - but to actively think that someone is an inferior being just because of the colour of their skin is just...awful.
My husband was a skinhead before we met. WS tattoos and red laced Docs, the whole shebang. Homophobic as well. He changed the moment his son came out, crying because he thought his dad would hurt him. Hubby was horrified at his own behavior and opinions. Sucks that's what it took, but he recently got his last tat covered... by a black guy. Work was gorgeous. They hugged. He cried. ❤️🩹
I never considered myself racist, but I sometimes keep catching myself having racist thoughts about other ethnicities. Nothing as drastic as described here, of course, but really subtle prejudices about 'The Russians or The Chinese. And while cultural differences and even stereotypse do exist, (Germans, on the whole, really are pretty a**l xD ) it is really important that we keep trying to look beyond them. Because when we expect to see and experience something, our brain will do its best to make us see and experience exactly that.
I grew up a poor, farming, life, where my parents were Irish white (aka super elitist about religions *and* about race). Lots of ethnic jokes and epithets during my whole life. I was taught to pass it on. *Except* they also said anyone you don't know is "Sir/Madam", so when I moved to a major city, *everyone* was Sir/Madam. I didn't differentiate, and made friends of all races. It. Was. Life. Changing.
Errr.... dear sir? There's entries here of confessions from a variety of ethnical backgrounds?
Load More Replies... Not disagreeing. As a white person, I'm afraid to ask if I can help with awareness campaigns b/c it might be seen as racist. Even if all I'll do is make coffee or pass out leaflets. It's arrogant AF for white people to discuss the best way to end racism or how damaging it is, without including non-whites in the discussion. And if whites do, it's seen as token-ism. It feels like a no-win for whites who want to end racism. Nothing we'll do will be okay, and it just increases the alienation within societies, IMO, but what do I know? In the US, I'm white! (Otuside, a few questions are asked. Oy.)
Load More Replies... Huh? Sounds like self hatred to me according to all your comments. You are not oppressed even though you desperately want to be. Equality looks like oppression to you that says all we need to know about you.
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