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Man Slammed For Being Bitter Years After Brother Married His Childhood Crush
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1.1K
Relationships2 months ago

Man Slammed For Being Bitter Years After Brother Married His Childhood Crush

Your crush not liking you back is hurtful, but you can live with that, because nothing good comes out of forcing out affection from someone. Having your crush taken by someone who knows about your feelings is a whole different story and the bitter taste of it can haunt you for the rest of your life.

Or at least a decade, like what happened to Reddit user Routine-Let-2090 who confided in his older brother about his crush but he turned around and married her. The younger brother is still mad about it and refuses to be friends with his now SIL, even though they were close when they were younger.

More info: Reddit

Man distanced himself from his childhood crush who entered the family through his brother and refused to be her comfort even after her dad’s death

Image credits: babystumpy (not the actual photo)

The Original Poster (OP) is 25 years old now, has a girlfriend and feels happy in his relationship, but he is still mad at his older brother Liam who started dating his childhood friend Emily after he told him that he had a crush on the girl.

Actually, the OP went to his brother for advice, because Liam had more experience with girls and the younger brother was a little awkward and never made a move towards Emily.

The OP had a crush on Emily since he was a child but never tried to ask her out, although he went to his brother to ask for advice

Image credits: Routine-Let-2090

That didn’t stop Liam from advancing towards Emily himself and the OP was very upset. When he found out that Liam and Emily were a couple, he wanted to distance himself from the girl, which was kind of hard to do given that they went to the same classes and worked the same shifts.

It became even harder when the couple announced that they were having a baby, which meant that Emily would forever stay in the family. The OP decided to transfer to a college in another state, didn’t attend his brother’s wedding and distanced himself from his niece.

So he was not expecting to find out that Liam and Emily started dating

Image credits: Routine-Let-2090

The OP claims that he has completely moved on and he doesn’t think Emily owes him a relationship or would want to be with her, but it took time and during that time, the two of them have not been as close friends as before, so they kind of drifted apart. And while the man wasn’t that mad at Emily, he really feels a grudge towards his older brother to this day and they aren’t close whatsoever.

All of this time, the OP has tried to be polite, buy gifts for his niece and not cause drama, but it seems that Emily remembered what good friends the two of them were in the past and turned to him for comfort after her dad died.

The OP tried very hard to escape from Emily, but that didn’t work out because she got pregnant and later married his brother

Image credits: Routine-Let-2090

Image credits: Alison Groves (not the actual photo)

Emily’s dad wasn’t around, but the woman still loved him and really wanted that kind of relationship, so when he died, it was a painful loss. The OP knew about her situation with her dad and how she desired that family dynamic, but despite their close friendship in the past, the man wasn’t much of a comfort.

It was a hard time for Emily and she needed a friend who would understand her. She thought the OP could be that person because they had known each other for so long, but even though the man allowed his former crush to cry, he wasn’t giving anything much more than that.

The younger brother was never as close to Emily or Liam since then, so he found it strange when his SIL came to him for comfort after her dad’s death

Image credits: Routine-Let-2090

It threw Emily off and she asked why he was being so cold, so he told her that she shouldn’t expect him to be her comfort person. On top of that, he added that they were close just because they were young and now she has a husband, so if she needs a shoulder to cry on, going to Liam is more appropriate.

Such hostility hurt Emily and word spread around the family, most of which thought that what the OP said was heartless not only because it was spiteful, but also because Emily’s dad had just died and she was emotionally distraught.

However, she noticed that her childhood friend was rather cold to her and he didn’t hide the fact that he wasn’t too happy about being her comfort person

Image credits: Routine-Let-2090

The young man felt that he was just setting a boundary which helped him to retain his sanity and was confused why everyone expected him to keep being friends with Emily. People in the comments helped him understand that how he acted was not very nice and in an update, he admitted that the way he said it and the timing to say it was awful.

Although, he didn’t regret being honest. Furthermore, he didn’t regret staying away from his niece and he still hates his brother to the point that he is planning to cut ties with him as soon as their parents pass away.

Emily took that to heart and when the family found out that the OP was so cruel to a family member that once was his good friend, called him a jerk

Image credits: Routine-Let-2090

The OP was pretty confused why he was expected to be the emotional support for Emily when they weren’t friends anymore and she had a husband

Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)

Redditors shared their observations about the situation and actually thought that the problem might be too serious for an online forum to discuss. They deemed the OP to be the jerk in the situation.

First of all, ignoring your niece because she is the baby of your high school crush and your older brother isn’t healthy. Also, he never asked Emily out, so he can’t expect her not to say yes to other people who did. Finally, she is his SIL, so she is family and it isn’t unusual to seek support from family members, especially if your friendship dates back to high school.

People in the comments thought the OP was a jerk for crossing over all those years of friendship and not offering comfort when Emily needed it

Image credits: Routine-Let-2090

They were saying that being so mad at his brother over a childhood crush was taking it too far and not healthy

Image credits: Routine-Let-2090

Some people admitted that his brother shouldn’t have pursued a girl his little brother liked and there were people who didn’t blame the OP for being so cold towards Emily, but being so bitter all of these years later doesn’t make him look good.

On the other hand, several popular comments held the NTA judgment, saying that Emily should have realized they weren’t friends anymore because the OP was purposefully distancing himself from her and because they didn’t keep in touch all of these years, he doesn’t owe her emotional support.

While others supported the OP because he didn’t owe Emily anything as they drifted apart as friends over the years

Image credits: Routine-Let-2090

What do you think about this situation? Was the OP acting cruel because he and Emily were once friends and that should mean something? Or do you think that if the man doesn’t want to show affection to his childhood friend because he doesn’t feel close to her, it is a healthy boundary to create? We are curious to know what your thoughts were after reading the story.

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Elea Bell
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NAH, just a guy who had really crappy timing. He probably should have told her that he didn't want to be her friend anymore a long time ago, but I can't blame him for feeling awkward around his brother's family.

MsLou
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a lot to unpack here...I do think he needs to speak to a therapist. I definitely understand the resentment and distrust with his brother.

AR
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But why? OP didn’t have a claim on Emily no matter what his feelings were. I had a big crush once on a guy, my friend knew, but ended up dating him. Was I upset at the time? Yes. But I didn’t have a claim to him and it turned out he simply wasn’t attracted to me like that. I got over it.

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Laugh or not
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She didn't owe him a romántico/sexual relationship when they were teenager. He doesn't owe her a friendship when they are adults. And not because she choosed someone else, just because nobody is entitled to any kind of relationship. Being someone's emotional support is draining and he cut off the relationship years ago as much as he could. His timing is not the best, but he is not wrong.

Buren
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought he is completely reasonable and tbh, that is something that I would do as well, although apparently a lot of people seem to disagree.

Izzy Curer
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah. I mean, we weren't there to see exactly how he handled it, but he sat with her while she cried for an hour. I don't see that as being heartless. The only reason his 'timing' was bad was that she cornered him with her question. I don't know what else he could have said at that point, if he really feels that way. He doesn't 'owe' anybody anything.

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Aubrey Theo
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He had a crush in high school on a girl, but never asked her out. Somebody else did, and she married them. It’s a decade later and hes still ignoring her kid—who is literally his niece—because hes mad about it. I get that you dont have to be friends with family.. but still. And additionally if anything he should be mad at the brother. His anger is misdirected towards Emily.

D S
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I honestly see this from a different pov. (Am a woman btw). One of my best friend´s sister was always a really immature and selfcentered AH that tried to pull one over her sibling on everything she could. So she did her darnest to get with the guy her sister liked. They ended up together for a while and split up. It´s been over a decade too and my friend still can´t forgive her sister..... It´s the knowlingly betraying your sibling´s trust over a random person. It´s the trying to hook up with them even though you know that they like them. I personally wouldn´t do that to a friend, much less a sibling. It´s quite telling of the person´s character and I wouldn´t be eager to be around that brother either.

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Will Cancel
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The brother here is a douchebag. I am glad that my older wasn't like this. And he's had the chance a couple of times, but always put me, his brother first.

Mika N
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Right. When I was a teen I had a big crush on a guy, then realized my sister did too, longer than I had. I knew I could never hurt her that way so I just worked on basically shutting my heart off towards the guy (we weren't super close anyway, I'm sure he didn't notice lol). I got over him. Unfortunately it didn't work out for her either and was really hard on her. But how awful it would have been for our relationship if I had ever dated him! I'm very glad I didn't try.

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CatWoman312
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Sure you came off as insensitive, but your reasoning is valid. Also you’re right, she should be talking to her husband not you.

S
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Therapy. Lots of therapy. However, I don't think he's an a*****e. Did he time things poorly and take out his heartache on the wrong person? Yes, 100%. But I don't think he's really done anything malicious or wrong. His brother is certainly an a*****e for hooking up and pursuing a relationship with someone he knew he had feelings for. That breaks my heart for him. I do also think that coming clean to Emily would solve a lot of issues. Like he said, he doesn't have feelings for her now so telling her shouldn't make things worse. It could just give her some clarity on why he's been acting this way for so many years.

Chancey
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree the air should be cleared. He should explain to the entire family (except niece) that his problem is that his brother betrayed him so at least everyone knows what the deal is.

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Okiedokie
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m glad he mentioned his brother was the true source of his resentment. But if you can’t be nice in person distance is the best move. Plenty of people don’t go the distance route while angry & terrible, terrible things happen. It’s a shame he couldn’t overlook his feelings to continue their friendship, but at least he recognized he wasn’t in a good place to be a friend and didn’t kick up a fuss. He was cold to her when she came to him for emotional support but he doesn’t owe her that, even if, yeah, it would have been the nice thing to do. I do think, however, there is no excuse for ignoring his niece, and if he doesn’t repair his relationship with her now, he will regret it later.

Mika N
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean sure the niece obviously did nothing wrong, but if OP feels the need to distance himself from his brother he can't really do that and also have a close relationship with his brother's daughter. It's not like he used to be close to the niece then cut her out suddenly, so she probably/hopefully isn't missing the relationship much anyway. I was never close to my uncles due to distance and really never thought about it.

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Smile crab
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NAH, people are saying he can't call dibs or think the girl is just his, but that's not what he did. If it was anyone else he probably wouldn't have felt so bad about it, but it was his brother who knew he liked her. That's just a shitty thing to do to your sibling and the brother didn't do it because he liked her they were just having a good time. He didnt even marry her for love he married her because she was pregnant. The brother is a douche and while he could have been nicer to her in that situation I think it's fine for him to not have a relationship with them

Casey McAlister
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ok, he has the right to refuse being friends with anybody he wants for any reason - you can force the connection if it's not there, but he chose the absolute worst timing to make this announcement. You can give some support to a grieving person even if you don't have any meaningful relationship with them.

El Dee
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it's better to be at a distance than to be up close and for it to be obvious. You feel what you feel and some of that can't be helped. Some of it can and may need to be worked through in therapy (everyone can benefit from therapy) But NTA..

Q B F T
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Be interested what the OP's gf thinks of him holding this grudge for, what, 8 years? "She's my former crush that I'm totally over and am now happy with you - but no, I won't speak to her, or my brother, or my niece. Yep, totally over it."

Carla B
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I were his girlfriend, I would be angry at his brother's betrayal and would understand him preferring not to be around them.

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MoJo1979
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a lot of unforgiveness in this guy and it's only holding him back. His brother isn't going to apologize for being with someone he loves. This guy needs to let it go and free himself up.

Patty O
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Does he love her? Or did he just get her pregnant and didn't know what else to do?

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Windtree
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think he was an AH, their relationship changed and I can't understand why Emily wanted to talk to him instead of her husband. He could have been a little less cold. I wouldn't have accepted to talk to her in the first place. Maybe make up an excuse. This reminds me of a classmate that I was friends with in school that after I quit trying to continue our friendship because she never answered my letters she started calling me every few years to complain about bad things happening to her. I even asked her if she didn't have a friend that she could talk with. I have to add that I hate it when adults complain to other people and later those people are calling OP to complain. Sounds to immature to me.

NatalieC
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He was betrayed by his brother. Betrayal is hard to forgive, if even possible.

Kate
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He’s perfectly allowed to not want to be friends with this person. You don’t owe anybody a relationship, romantic and platonic both. He could have been nicer about it, but he’s not the AH for being honest about how he feels. He doesn’t have to be there just because she ‘needs a friend right now.’ Just my take .

Steve
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA x 1,000,000. She knew the situation between the brothers, and that the op would never cross that gap. Then she expects him to cross the gap? Not remotely realistic.

Libstak
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Quite a bit here. Firstly if you have a crush on someone hopefully it means you like and care about them as a person first and foremost. If that's the case why would you be upset with them for following their right to be and fall in love with their person? Secondly, he never told his crush how he felt, she had no idea. Thirdly, his brother knew he had not made any move on her, she was single. Finally, put yourself in her shoes. If someone had feelings for me but I had none for them, however I did have feelings for their brother, how would I feel if the brother I could have an actual relationship with stayed away from me because someone I didn't want "claimed" some kind of dibs on me? Especially when having claimed as much they literally didn't do anything about it, just expecting me to somehow remain all on my little lonesome for their benefit till they maybe one day got up the nerve to tell me how they feel?

Magrata Cesnekova
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are absolutely right, except why she now insists all of a sudden he should be her emotional support person? She has her husband after all, has she not? OP wants nothing of her, just that she lefts him alone.

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Jerry Mathers
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Does anyone believe the Emily's husband never mentioned his younger brothers crush? I don't. It is odd that if he distanced himself for years, why does Emily still feel close enough to him got unload her grief on the OP and not the husband. I may be wrong, but something tells me that Emily knew about his feelings, maybe suspected why he kept his distance, and now is trying reestablish a connection. I can see this getting into cheating territory real quick. Emotional moment shared between 2 people. Again I'm guessing but maybe Emily has more feelings than she let on. From the story, it sounds like being pregnant is what got them married. I'm seeing this as trouble avoided.

Trex
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get the brother trust thing. Cancer is Cancer, must be removed.

SirWriteALot
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Boy, can you hold a grudge! There's a lot more that needs to be addressed ... better talk to a therapist. It's not healthy to break with friends and family over a crush you had a decade ago.

Trex
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not about the crush. It's about the broken trust. His brother forsook him and will again. He can never be trusted.

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Kim Lorton
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your brother was the a$$wipe, dating your crush before you even had a chance to explore your feelings with her. You, did the proper thing, and since you hadn't been close since HS and what not, you, are not the one she should be seeking comfort from. Your brother is, and I can guarantee she knows this. Good for you, stand your ground.... except,you are being the AH with your niece Daisy! She is the innocent one here, and didn't ask to be born, but you are her uncle, and can still have a lovely relationship with her. Just make sure it only takes place when you are all visiting your parents! Daisy is just a kid, and likely feels the off emotions, but doesn't understand. She doesn't need to, to have a great relationship with her uncle. She probably thinks you don't like her, and that's plain awful. So, get to know Daisy, and let Emily be comforted by her husband.

Lunar
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I don't get why people furious at OP. Why would OP need to comfort his sil? He alr sat through 1hr of crying session and tbh that is more than enough and he need not offer more emotional support which is supposed to be done by the husband

jimmy pop
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have no contact to any of my family besides my mother but the contact with her is minimal as well. I have a brother, a half brother who is married with two children, I have 8 aunts and uncles, all married with children and more nieces and nephews than I can count with both hands and feet. You do not owe any of them a friendship or even contact just because they're your family, if contact with them makes you sad and you are unable to resolve that sentiment, you owe yourself to step away from that relationship.

Cecily Holland
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only thing I can fault him maybe is his timing and delivery. Other than that he hasn’t done anything wrong

Darian Starfrog
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is sad, his brother sucks..and I understand the posters pain, it's just a shame it's so hard set now, that over the years there wasn't a time for it to be revealed, for his own happiness to had to turn away, I get that, but SOMETHING must be said.. you are all family now..

Patty O
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your body is like a family, and if you get appendicitis or cancer you cut that toxin right out of your life. He doesn't have to sacrifice his happiness because it's "family". He's happy with the direction he is going in life. Doesn't want contact with them, his choice, he doesn't owe them anything, and no that doesn't mean he's got a hangup on her.

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KSir
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just keep feeling like once OP's parents pass away and he moves on with his life away from his brother, he has a high chance of carrying that spite with him for the rest of his life. He has every right to feel however he does, but, that anger will eat him alive and eventually make him sick. I hope for OP's sake, the brother's sake, and for the remainder of the family, that they all can find peace before their time here is done. I always feel very sad when families get torn apart because of things like this. Generally, we end up seeing a long line of bitter, sad people in the wake. My husband is one of 10 kids and they all tend to let things go that you or I wouldn't dream of letting go. They say, "Blood is thicker than water" and act accordingly. They definitely put each other in their place if they're doing something wrong, but they don't tend to judge eachother for messed up sh!t. They are still together today. It definitely has taught me quite the lesson on forgiveness.

ChickyChicky
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whole lot of vindictive people on this thread. They were teenagers, for pete's sake. Teens do really dumb things. If OP wrote in the day after he found out about his brother sleeping with Emily, then sure, his anger and betrayal is understandable. But it's been years. A baby was born and they decided to make the best of it. OP has moved on to a grown-up relationship. Time to let it go.

Mika N
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can choose to let something go and move on without letting the person that betrayed you back in your life, especially if they've never shown any remorse for hurting you deeply and still exhibit the same traits (i.e. would betray you again easily if it was convenient). We don't know about that last part of course but sometimes that's how it is.

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Gavin Johnson
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Find yourself in this type of situation? Put on your big boy pants, suck it up, move on. You own your emotional situation, no one else is responsible for your reaction or your upset. If ‘she’’s the one’ then it’s up to you to find a way to connect, if you don’t do that then having a moan about her finding ‘her one’ is simply selfish, she has a life too, as does your brother. Sorry but it’s on you to make your peace with it and be stronger for it.

Metaniel
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But I think that he's trying to do it. Leave her behind and his brother. Have nothing to do with them, but yet she tries to get to him in one way or another.

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UpupaEpops
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mate... I don't know how to tell you, but you are clearly not over her. If you would be, you wouldn't be saying that you'll cut your brother off over a high school crush.

Konrad Abramczuk
Community Member
1 month ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because he betrayed him? Just because you're family doesn't give you a free pass to be a douche...smh

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Lisa H
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The brother is the AH, but it would be beneficial to OP's niece if he at least tried to have a relationship with her, even though he clearly and rightfully despises his brother. His niece is innocent in all this. She shouldn't have to deal with this family drama. I feel bad for her. As far as OP and Emily are concerned, maybe he was bit harsh, but I don't think he's the AH because, like he said, it's definitely weird that she sought comfort from him instead of her husband when her father died.

Stacey Rae
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If your sibling tells you in confidence that he likes someone then that person is off limits. Their 'love connection' was an unplanned pregnancy. That's why the brother is the ah.

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millac
Community Member
1 week ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA Being the emotional support crutch of a married person is ALWAYS a mistake, and the married person should always be redirected back towards their spouse. He hasn't had a close relationship with this woman in nearly a decade, so her expectation was inappropriate. He also responded well, first by sending clear signals he wasn't interested, and his force reply contained zero accusation, just the fact that they haven't been friends in a very long time, and she needs to rely on her husband for emotional support. Both the brother and Emily behaved badly at the start of the relationship. Emily should have given him a heads up she was pursuing his brother (it's a definite faux pas to go after a friend's sibling without giving at least some notice) and the brother should have been honest about his own interest and Emily's lack of availability when the OP approached him for dating advice. Both of them should have been honest, not snuck around, lied, or let him find out by walking in on them

Mer☕️🧭☕️
Community Member
1 month ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Just a sad situation all around but I don't think OP is TA. He was betrayed by his brother and probably feels a tiny bit betrayed by The Girl, whether he even realizes it or not. He *could* have the vaguest bits of INCEL lingering like mist in the background of his mind but not enough to count if he's decent and respectful, etc., toward others. Would therapy help him? Absolutely. Dude does have plenty of issues to discuss. But no, he's guilty of bad timing, definitely, but otherwise, totally understandable.

Birma Gustafsson
Community Member
1 month ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP is still clearly emotionally invested in Emily, despite his denial. He protests too much. He cannot stand being near them, even though he "don't have feelings for either Emily or his brother". If you are truly over it, it wouldn't matter if you're friends with Emily and happy for your brother and her for being happy together. OP behaves like a big cry-baby, who thinks he has a claim on all girls he calls dibs on, whether they like him or not! Very childish.

Emily Durland Henderson
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think he's wrong for being frustrated with his brother, and I think he's correct that Emily should be talking to her husband and not him, although he could've told her in a nicer way. But the fact that he's completely cutting his brother and niece out of his life - especially his niece - is taking it too far. The situation is what it is, and staying bitter at the expense of a family relationship isn't going go do anyone any good.

Conan Maschingon
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

he's right comforting her is his brothers job not his and if they have been distant for a while now then she should have known that this was not the same type of relationship

Ronnie Cutshall
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With brother like that, I whould of never had anything to do with him. Then I whould informed my former best friend on reason why I can no longer be around. As she had to know how feelings and to hook up with his brother whould hurt him. The only thing is child and being innocent in all this. However, he should permanent keep distance from both. Not good for self esteem.

Dizzie D
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think having a crush in high school and your heart being bruised to evolving into actually investing very little time on your own niece and missing your brothers wedding is going too far. He is unlucky about his crush ending up with his brother but other people have endured worse ( actual ex's, siblings marrying appalling people etc) and these people bite their lip and get on with it. It's like drinking poison but expecting the other person to die. Who is actually benefiting from his grudge? Not him and not his family. I think he needs to grow up, move past it all and enjoy his family. It's not worth it to be honest.

Patty O
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish you all would stop trying to drag him back in using the his brother, wife , neice angle. He has chosen his family is his parents and his girlfriend, his choice. Everyone keeps saying he should go to therapy, anyone think maybe the brother and wife need some therapy to figure out why they keep trying to build a relationship with someone who doesn't want one with them. If we removed brother and family from this and just made it two friends same story nobody in this post would recommend trying to reconcile this relationship they would tell each side go your separate ways. Or if this was sisters bet everyone would be so enraged. But because he's a Guy he should suck it up. Typical reverse chauvanism. So think people! ! !

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Holly Stevens
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never agreed with people basically calling "dibs" on other people, especially if the other person is not romantically interested in them. All this "bro code" and "sister code" and no dating your friend's exes, people are people, you're supposed to just give up maybe forever happiness with the right person because someone else likes them? It's absurd, and OP is beyond immature. His niece is 8, obviously his brother and Emily are committed and married, they didn't just "keep a baby". To cut someone out over that, that's not a chip on your shoulder, it's an entire boulder and it will crush you

Patty O
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just because they've been together eight years doesn't mean it still can't go to c**p. I've seen people divorce after longer. And if she's already turning to others rather than her husband for comfort, either the husband has no compassion for her or she's got regrets for being married and having a kid so young.

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Kate
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can see into his future, because I too have an uncle who's a jerk. At my grandpa's memorial, his daughter greeted my sister at the door with, "welcome, what is your relationship with the deceased?" (so she could direct her to the proper seating area). Sister, of course, knew who she was, so she greeted her by name, told her she'd grown up so much (cousin was 19 at that point) and walked in to find me and tell me the story.

CakeandNintendo
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The dude is a sad angry little man who got a crush on one girl and decided that because she didn't return his feelings he could blame and hate everyone else that she's ever happy with. It's a good thing she didn't end up with him he probably be throwing hissy fits every time someone even said hi to her or anything this is how he acts because she ended up with someone else. He needs to seek some serious therapy deciding you're not even going to associate with your own brother's child because you're mad he got the girl you wanted years after it happened is the most sad incel s**t

Susie Kamper
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes. You are the A. Is she supposed to change her entire life cause you had a crush you didn’t even tell her about? Grow up.

Mr.Kris
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Time to grow up! Looks to me like Emily certainly chose the right brother.

Patty O
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes the one who wasn't responsible enough and got her pregnant. And now years later she's not close enough to her husband to want comfort from him regarding her father??? Think she's got a case of regretti spaghetti, that maybe she chose the wrong brother. I think OP is more mature than both of them.

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AR
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He’s still hooked on Emily. I mean, it’s been how many years and he’s still hung up on believing his brother “betrayed” him? Lol! No, he didn’t. Just because OP had feelings for Emily, he didn’t have a claim to her, and she and his brother were both free to see each other. But now he shuns his brother, Emily, and their kid as much as he can without upsetting his parents yet claims he’s “over it”. No he’s not. I want to tell him to get over himself. If he’d had a relationship with Emily then she got with his brother, I could understand. But Emily was just friends with him, nothing more. This guy is in such denial.

elizabeth coker
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get over yourself dude. Seriously. move on. So she didn't want you. Grow up and be there for the kids who are totally innocent in all this.

Patty O
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why? just because your siblings have children doesn't mean you are obligated to have a relationship with them. He's already doing the polite at holiday birthday thing. He doesn't even need to do that. Between my husband and me me must have like 40 nieces and nephews and we don't do the gift thing, we'd be bankrupt, and we don't have an in depth relationship with all of them. It would be impossible.

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Little but Fierce
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This guy is a straight up incel. Men who pretend to be your friend when they only want sex (or regard a relationship as their just reward for friendship) are the absolute worst. Emily and her partner obviously love each other yet throughout the whole thing the OP asks like Emily has done something terrible and that he's the injured party. Is Emily not allowed any agency at all. Op obviously doesn't see Emily as a person. Disturbing that he has a girlfriend yet is still obsessed with some high school crush.

Balso Steele
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude's got a gf, so by definition he's not an incel. Her baby daddy is his brother, who broke the bro code HARD. He's not wrong to keep his distance emotionally. Next time, read the whole article instead of barely skimming it

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bottomless.abyss.of.bordem
Community Member
2 months ago

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As I read the whole thing, I just kept thinking incel. I am not an incel is like I'm not a serial killer. Sure ya ain't bud. Maybe she thinks you're ugly?

Elea Bell
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NAH, just a guy who had really crappy timing. He probably should have told her that he didn't want to be her friend anymore a long time ago, but I can't blame him for feeling awkward around his brother's family.

MsLou
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a lot to unpack here...I do think he needs to speak to a therapist. I definitely understand the resentment and distrust with his brother.

AR
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But why? OP didn’t have a claim on Emily no matter what his feelings were. I had a big crush once on a guy, my friend knew, but ended up dating him. Was I upset at the time? Yes. But I didn’t have a claim to him and it turned out he simply wasn’t attracted to me like that. I got over it.

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Laugh or not
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She didn't owe him a romántico/sexual relationship when they were teenager. He doesn't owe her a friendship when they are adults. And not because she choosed someone else, just because nobody is entitled to any kind of relationship. Being someone's emotional support is draining and he cut off the relationship years ago as much as he could. His timing is not the best, but he is not wrong.

Buren
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought he is completely reasonable and tbh, that is something that I would do as well, although apparently a lot of people seem to disagree.

Izzy Curer
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah. I mean, we weren't there to see exactly how he handled it, but he sat with her while she cried for an hour. I don't see that as being heartless. The only reason his 'timing' was bad was that she cornered him with her question. I don't know what else he could have said at that point, if he really feels that way. He doesn't 'owe' anybody anything.

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Aubrey Theo
Community Member
2 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He had a crush in high school on a girl, but never asked her out. Somebody else did, and she married them. It’s a decade later and hes still ignoring her kid—who is literally his niece—because hes mad about it. I get that you dont have to be friends with family.. but still. And additionally if anything he should be mad at the brother. His anger is misdirected towards Emily.

D S
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017