Broke Woman Sells Her Fiancé’s Deceased Brother’s Gaming Chair So She Could Go To The Gym
Humans are fascinating beings. After we lose a loved one, doesn’t matter if it’s a cat, cricket or a sibling, it’s normal that a lot of us start holding sentimental value over physical objects that didn’t mean so much before. The problem with this is that sometimes our attachment to heirlooms, keepsakes and mementos, no matter how silly or expensive, can be disregarded by others.
Which is precisely what happened to u/AdNO3535435. Coming home one day, this 33-year-old man noticed that something is amiss — the gaming chair that was left to him by his little brother before he passed away was gone. Turns out, man’s 31-year-old unemployed fiancée was so desperate to get back to gym that she spontaneously sold the only piece of furniture that was really important to her future husband. Naturally, he was upset and things quickly got out of hand, as told in his thought-provoking ‘Am I The A-Hole‘ story.
This woman might not like gaming altogether – another reason for Bored Panda‘s gamers to hold on to your precious Secretlab’s gaming chairs as if life depended on it; but selling a keepsake without discussing it first with your partner is not cool. This chair may have been worth only a few hundred bucks to her. And a gym membership. But to her fiancé? It was invaluable.
Pssst! In the mood for some more sentimental content? We got you – check this and this out!
This man shared a story of how and why his dear fiancée decided to sell a very important keepsake of his just to pay for her gym membership
Image credits: Siavash Ghanbari (not the actual photo)
Image credits: AdNO3535435
All things considered, people’s response to the story is not shocking
Easy to say she'd be understanding if the situation was reversed but from her attitude I highly doubt it. She sounds self-centred. The main point is that it is NOT hers to sell. If she has money worries she should discuss them and he's right, she could work out at home! I'd be seriously reconsidering my relationship.
Like the first commenter said, he should sell the engagement ring he bought her and buy back the chair. I doubt she would be supportive and understanding.
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It's not even about the chair or the worth of it. She sold something that was HIS, without asking, because SHE wanted to buy something. That alone is a red flag so huge I'd be running for the hills.
If they're both of that attitude ("what's mine is yours, and yours is mine") then fine. Here they are both surprised by the other's (re)action: Simply, there's just no bond between the two, no understanding, no like-mindedness... no relationship.
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Gaslighting 101. All abusive people follow the exact same steps. They're all so predictable. Don't even have to guess their next move.
There are a lot of red flags on this girl the relationship should be ended immediately
It takes time to set up a sale, she didn't even ask and did it behind the guys back, so that, to me, shows she new what she was doing was wrong!
That's really worrying behaviour. Taking and selling your property is bad enough, but if your own fiancee doesn't know how losing your brother affected you and that the chair had sentimental value, you don't know or respect each other for mmarriage yet. I get that her eating disorder may mean the gym membership feels a must-have rather than a nice-to-have, but you can run, cycle and find a lot of exercise classes online for free. PS the future MiL isn't helping; another red flag to think about before you marry.
I agree with you, but to be fair - the mother in law only heard her daughters story, might have been along the lines of "never used it anyways, screamed at me, does not want good things for me, blah..."
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NTA. This chair was a comfort to you due to the loss of your brother. It holds sentimental value. I have many things that belonged to my dad and would flip s**t if someone tried to take or sell any of it.
A main point of a gym is to squeeze training in efficiently when you are time-poor --- the good thing about being unemployed is having time on your hands, while the outdoors is free.
NTA. Run. Now. Take back the engagement ring, tell her to move to her mother's where she can start selling her mother's things and see how that goes. Dump this narcissistic VAIN bitch. She has no respect for you, the memory of your brother, or anyone but herself. You will never be equal in her eyes, you're a nice wee cash machine she gets to use. At her age, she should be mature, but if she hasn't grown up by now, she never will. She needs to go back and live with mommy, she's not ready to adult or not be a total cun* yet. Many of have eating disorders, we don't use that as an excuse to go around selling other people's precious memento's from their dead family members! Jesus christ WTF did I read on this post? Where the hell are you so I can come give you a much needed and deserved hug? So angry for you right now, this is beyond shi*ty.
Definitely not the asshole. That was a pretty horrible thing to do for a gym membership. She knew how much it meant to you and she still sold it. If she wanted money she should have sold something of hers. Dump her, man. She sucks.
NTA! - really someone said sell the engagement ring. Please sell the ring, and buy a chair. After all an office needs a comfortable chair, back pains and hip problems can cost thousands when you're old. Also wow 7 years??? And she acted like this, and didn't expect this reaction, and got her mum involved 😱😱 my mum would have thrown me out, and gone looking for that bloody chair! I would have never heard end of it from my mum if I did that to my future husband. Marriage isn't I want, I do, and you deal. It is a partnership, you share the life together, but you do not diminish each other feelings,or destroy stuff bonging to other. Especially if it was in your office and not in her exercise area. All this for a gym membership.... 31 year old(eating disorder, mental health) should be able to understand it is not your responsibility to deal with it, it's her job to take care of herself with your support.
NTA - even if that chair didn't belong to the OP's deceased brother (RIP, sorry for Op's loss. cancer is cruel and it sucks, I know how it feels to lose loved ones to it), it did NOT belong to the so called "fiance" and she had no right to take it and sell it. Her excuses about her past are BS too - fair enough she may have struggled, but you do NOT need a f*****g gym membership to get out there and excersise, you have legs, don't you? just go for a run! (which I suggest OP should be the one going for a run more than his fiance actually... a long run far, far away from "fiance"!)
I'd be pleased if Bored Panda didn't do any more "Am I The Asshole?" posts. You're better than clickbait.
Agreed! I didn't read it just went to the comments hoping to find one like this. I can find all the assholes I want in real life. I also suspect most of these are fiction.
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Not good at all. I would have been livid. I have a few things that is from my grandmothers and my husband thinks it is soooo ugly. But if he had to pack it away or sell it for whatever reason I would feel he is disregarding how much I value it and would feel he does not love me.
Sorry but for me that's a no-go. I would dump her ass quicker than Usain Bolt on roids. She knows the story and she still think her gym membership is more important. Look on the bright side. At least now she is already out of his life. Sell her s**t and buy that chair back.
They seem to have really poor communication. Maybe she didn't feel safe to ask him before. Still wrong but I can understand that. In some relationships it isn't "safe" to even ask things. She can't just sell his stuff without asking and should know the chair was important to him. More important than a gym membership. So she did the wrong thing no doubt. But they need to communicate. If she feels that she's struggling she needs to tell him that and be heard. And he needs to be allowed to be disappointed and explain why he's angry with her and she needs to validate his feelings. I would not say "dump her" but if they want to stay together they need to work on their communication.
She knows the situation wouldn't be reversed is my guess... No one should ever sell something of their partner's without discussion. Ever.
She would not be supportive and understanding. She literally didn't understand nor support her own fiance's emotional journey after losing someone.
Despicable behaviour from someone who claims to love you enough to marry you. Grief is a long, hard road that has no rules and what is needed is love and respect, not greed and entitlement
not having a gym membership is not considered struggling. she sounds very selfish and the important thing to look at is how her mom being older had no empathy for you. your fiancé WILL age to be her mother and will remain the the same person youre dealing with now. you're young and will look back thanking yourself. you don't want to live with the regret of tring to change her
Just get rid.... if that's how little she thinks of your attachment to the chair given the circumstances, just get rid of the woman... if you let this slide it'll only get worse.
If you take something that doesn't belong to you, it's theft. This is black and white. It's not up to her to decide what you do and don't have enough of. Your fiancee had a lot of choices about getting money for the gym. She could have sold more of her stuff. She could have asked you for money. She could have got a short-term low paying service job to save money. Taking something that she knew was meaningful to you and then trying to BLAME you for her issues... I know it's been seven years, but first of all, get the chair back and second of all, break up with her, permanently.
Well, asshole or not she was massively inconsiderate and controlling. Grieving takes time, some take more time than others - though frankly a few months is not enough for anyone. I would ask a grief counselor what an appropriate response is because quite honestly, is she really that type of person? Are her interests more important to her than the people whom she hurts? And if that's the case, they really ought not get married.
Wow, that is terrible. I lost my brother 5 years ago. We have many keepsakes and brought some different ones down stairs. My husband said something about his humidor my SIL gave him. It was relatively new when my brother passed, it is nice, but not sentimental. I told my husband he didn't have to feel guilty if he didn't want to keep it. He felt guilty about not wanting to keep a large furniture piece in our attic for ever, that truly had no sentiment to it, yet this horrible woman sells something that meant so much to her fiance, and it wasn't hers!
This is unbelievable! I'd never sell my partners things and vice versa. I lost my dad recently and could not be parted from his belongings I have. I'd leave her that's beyond the pale. She'll sell the house with you in it further down the line.
NTA at all, what a horrible narcissistic woman she sounds like. And to then tell you you're overreacting and give a sob story rather than apologise and try to put right? He needs out of that relationship, her behaviour sounds like a junkie desperate for a fix, that's coming from a recovering addict, she has some serious issues.
It sounds like she just wanted the chair gone. She could have just asked him for the money instead she took something that reminded him of someone he loves and decided let's get rid of this precious Memento without saying anything. if he hadn't discovered her theft would she ever have admitted to it?
I'm curious to know if the chair was the only possible thing she could have sold to get the money. If not, sure sounds like someone was jealous of a chair and the connection it gave to his brother.
You're very lucky to have been given this foretaste of the future if you stay with this woman. A broken engagement is far less trouble and expense than a divorce. Call it off. Get the ring back. Run. So she's unemployed. She needs to be spending her time looking for work, not fooling around in a gym.
NTA Why didn't fiancée get a job to pay for her gym membership instead of taking something so meaningful from you without your permission. She has no remorse even after you explained how it hurt you. He never explained why she wasn't working, just said she was unemployed. If they are struggling, she really needs to spend time helping them out financially. She selfish and doesn't care about you. Runnnnn!
NTA. If this isn't the first time it happened, then it may be best to move on. What she did, knowing the chair has sentimental value to OP, was pure selfish. If she really needs funds to fit the lifestyle she wants, then maybe she can try get a job (any job) to get her own money. Lastly, I wonder how long she has been unemployed? Wondering why she doesn't have "rainy day money" or saving at the age of 31???????????????????
Even if she really wouldn't mind him selling her stuff without permission(unlikely, but okay), it doesn't mean she had the right to do it. If you are okay with other people taking your stuff without permission, it's nice you have such a laid-back attitude to you property, but you still have to respect other people's boundaries.
She knew it was wrong or she would've asked . She's selfish and devious ... sounds like he's dodging a bullet if they break up.
I feel like it was a pretty bad thing to do and one half of me says that she deserves what she got but I also think you acted a bit harsh, give her a second chance!
Easy to say she'd be understanding if the situation was reversed but from her attitude I highly doubt it. She sounds self-centred. The main point is that it is NOT hers to sell. If she has money worries she should discuss them and he's right, she could work out at home! I'd be seriously reconsidering my relationship.
Like the first commenter said, he should sell the engagement ring he bought her and buy back the chair. I doubt she would be supportive and understanding.
Load More Replies... It's not even about the chair or the worth of it. She sold something that was HIS, without asking, because SHE wanted to buy something. That alone is a red flag so huge I'd be running for the hills.
If they're both of that attitude ("what's mine is yours, and yours is mine") then fine. Here they are both surprised by the other's (re)action: Simply, there's just no bond between the two, no understanding, no like-mindedness... no relationship.
Load More Replies... Gaslighting 101. All abusive people follow the exact same steps. They're all so predictable. Don't even have to guess their next move.
There are a lot of red flags on this girl the relationship should be ended immediately
It takes time to set up a sale, she didn't even ask and did it behind the guys back, so that, to me, shows she new what she was doing was wrong!
That's really worrying behaviour. Taking and selling your property is bad enough, but if your own fiancee doesn't know how losing your brother affected you and that the chair had sentimental value, you don't know or respect each other for mmarriage yet. I get that her eating disorder may mean the gym membership feels a must-have rather than a nice-to-have, but you can run, cycle and find a lot of exercise classes online for free. PS the future MiL isn't helping; another red flag to think about before you marry.
I agree with you, but to be fair - the mother in law only heard her daughters story, might have been along the lines of "never used it anyways, screamed at me, does not want good things for me, blah..."
Load More Replies... NTA. This chair was a comfort to you due to the loss of your brother. It holds sentimental value. I have many things that belonged to my dad and would flip s**t if someone tried to take or sell any of it.
A main point of a gym is to squeeze training in efficiently when you are time-poor --- the good thing about being unemployed is having time on your hands, while the outdoors is free.
NTA. Run. Now. Take back the engagement ring, tell her to move to her mother's where she can start selling her mother's things and see how that goes. Dump this narcissistic VAIN bitch. She has no respect for you, the memory of your brother, or anyone but herself. You will never be equal in her eyes, you're a nice wee cash machine she gets to use. At her age, she should be mature, but if she hasn't grown up by now, she never will. She needs to go back and live with mommy, she's not ready to adult or not be a total cun* yet. Many of have eating disorders, we don't use that as an excuse to go around selling other people's precious memento's from their dead family members! Jesus christ WTF did I read on this post? Where the hell are you so I can come give you a much needed and deserved hug? So angry for you right now, this is beyond shi*ty.
Definitely not the asshole. That was a pretty horrible thing to do for a gym membership. She knew how much it meant to you and she still sold it. If she wanted money she should have sold something of hers. Dump her, man. She sucks.
NTA! - really someone said sell the engagement ring. Please sell the ring, and buy a chair. After all an office needs a comfortable chair, back pains and hip problems can cost thousands when you're old. Also wow 7 years??? And she acted like this, and didn't expect this reaction, and got her mum involved 😱😱 my mum would have thrown me out, and gone looking for that bloody chair! I would have never heard end of it from my mum if I did that to my future husband. Marriage isn't I want, I do, and you deal. It is a partnership, you share the life together, but you do not diminish each other feelings,or destroy stuff bonging to other. Especially if it was in your office and not in her exercise area. All this for a gym membership.... 31 year old(eating disorder, mental health) should be able to understand it is not your responsibility to deal with it, it's her job to take care of herself with your support.
NTA - even if that chair didn't belong to the OP's deceased brother (RIP, sorry for Op's loss. cancer is cruel and it sucks, I know how it feels to lose loved ones to it), it did NOT belong to the so called "fiance" and she had no right to take it and sell it. Her excuses about her past are BS too - fair enough she may have struggled, but you do NOT need a f*****g gym membership to get out there and excersise, you have legs, don't you? just go for a run! (which I suggest OP should be the one going for a run more than his fiance actually... a long run far, far away from "fiance"!)
I'd be pleased if Bored Panda didn't do any more "Am I The Asshole?" posts. You're better than clickbait.
Agreed! I didn't read it just went to the comments hoping to find one like this. I can find all the assholes I want in real life. I also suspect most of these are fiction.
Load More Replies... Not good at all. I would have been livid. I have a few things that is from my grandmothers and my husband thinks it is soooo ugly. But if he had to pack it away or sell it for whatever reason I would feel he is disregarding how much I value it and would feel he does not love me.
Sorry but for me that's a no-go. I would dump her ass quicker than Usain Bolt on roids. She knows the story and she still think her gym membership is more important. Look on the bright side. At least now she is already out of his life. Sell her s**t and buy that chair back.
They seem to have really poor communication. Maybe she didn't feel safe to ask him before. Still wrong but I can understand that. In some relationships it isn't "safe" to even ask things. She can't just sell his stuff without asking and should know the chair was important to him. More important than a gym membership. So she did the wrong thing no doubt. But they need to communicate. If she feels that she's struggling she needs to tell him that and be heard. And he needs to be allowed to be disappointed and explain why he's angry with her and she needs to validate his feelings. I would not say "dump her" but if they want to stay together they need to work on their communication.
She knows the situation wouldn't be reversed is my guess... No one should ever sell something of their partner's without discussion. Ever.
She would not be supportive and understanding. She literally didn't understand nor support her own fiance's emotional journey after losing someone.
Despicable behaviour from someone who claims to love you enough to marry you. Grief is a long, hard road that has no rules and what is needed is love and respect, not greed and entitlement
not having a gym membership is not considered struggling. she sounds very selfish and the important thing to look at is how her mom being older had no empathy for you. your fiancé WILL age to be her mother and will remain the the same person youre dealing with now. you're young and will look back thanking yourself. you don't want to live with the regret of tring to change her
Just get rid.... if that's how little she thinks of your attachment to the chair given the circumstances, just get rid of the woman... if you let this slide it'll only get worse.
If you take something that doesn't belong to you, it's theft. This is black and white. It's not up to her to decide what you do and don't have enough of. Your fiancee had a lot of choices about getting money for the gym. She could have sold more of her stuff. She could have asked you for money. She could have got a short-term low paying service job to save money. Taking something that she knew was meaningful to you and then trying to BLAME you for her issues... I know it's been seven years, but first of all, get the chair back and second of all, break up with her, permanently.
Well, asshole or not she was massively inconsiderate and controlling. Grieving takes time, some take more time than others - though frankly a few months is not enough for anyone. I would ask a grief counselor what an appropriate response is because quite honestly, is she really that type of person? Are her interests more important to her than the people whom she hurts? And if that's the case, they really ought not get married.
Wow, that is terrible. I lost my brother 5 years ago. We have many keepsakes and brought some different ones down stairs. My husband said something about his humidor my SIL gave him. It was relatively new when my brother passed, it is nice, but not sentimental. I told my husband he didn't have to feel guilty if he didn't want to keep it. He felt guilty about not wanting to keep a large furniture piece in our attic for ever, that truly had no sentiment to it, yet this horrible woman sells something that meant so much to her fiance, and it wasn't hers!
This is unbelievable! I'd never sell my partners things and vice versa. I lost my dad recently and could not be parted from his belongings I have. I'd leave her that's beyond the pale. She'll sell the house with you in it further down the line.
NTA at all, what a horrible narcissistic woman she sounds like. And to then tell you you're overreacting and give a sob story rather than apologise and try to put right? He needs out of that relationship, her behaviour sounds like a junkie desperate for a fix, that's coming from a recovering addict, she has some serious issues.
It sounds like she just wanted the chair gone. She could have just asked him for the money instead she took something that reminded him of someone he loves and decided let's get rid of this precious Memento without saying anything. if he hadn't discovered her theft would she ever have admitted to it?
I'm curious to know if the chair was the only possible thing she could have sold to get the money. If not, sure sounds like someone was jealous of a chair and the connection it gave to his brother.
You're very lucky to have been given this foretaste of the future if you stay with this woman. A broken engagement is far less trouble and expense than a divorce. Call it off. Get the ring back. Run. So she's unemployed. She needs to be spending her time looking for work, not fooling around in a gym.
NTA Why didn't fiancée get a job to pay for her gym membership instead of taking something so meaningful from you without your permission. She has no remorse even after you explained how it hurt you. He never explained why she wasn't working, just said she was unemployed. If they are struggling, she really needs to spend time helping them out financially. She selfish and doesn't care about you. Runnnnn!
NTA. If this isn't the first time it happened, then it may be best to move on. What she did, knowing the chair has sentimental value to OP, was pure selfish. If she really needs funds to fit the lifestyle she wants, then maybe she can try get a job (any job) to get her own money. Lastly, I wonder how long she has been unemployed? Wondering why she doesn't have "rainy day money" or saving at the age of 31???????????????????
Even if she really wouldn't mind him selling her stuff without permission(unlikely, but okay), it doesn't mean she had the right to do it. If you are okay with other people taking your stuff without permission, it's nice you have such a laid-back attitude to you property, but you still have to respect other people's boundaries.
She knew it was wrong or she would've asked . She's selfish and devious ... sounds like he's dodging a bullet if they break up.
I feel like it was a pretty bad thing to do and one half of me says that she deserves what she got but I also think you acted a bit harsh, give her a second chance!
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