“AITA For Telling My Fiancé He Embarrassed Me When He Started Singing ‘Happy Birthday’ To His 5 Y.O. Son At The Restaurant?”
It’s OK to be reserved, just like it’s OK to be all out there. It just depends on where all of that is and whether it’s appropriate to be that.
After all, there are more or less one or two things you can be at a, say, funeral. And if you’re the kind of guy who laughs at those, well, then, don’t be surprised to get an awkward stare. Or a dozen of them.
But those are extremes and social norms are often more subtle. Like take this one situation, for instance: singing “happy birthday” may or may not be awkward in and of itself for many reasons—singing off key included—but it becomes even more so if it’s done in a shared public place, like a restaurant, and even more more so so if the restaurant is on the higher end of the classiness spectrum.
More Info: Reddit
Picture yourself in a fancy restaurant, dining with your fiance and his 5-year-old, celebrating his b-day… and then the dad starts singing happy birthday… loudly
Image credits: Angie Chapman (not the actual photo)
So, OP is a 30-year-old woman who’s dating a 36-year-old guy who’s a dad to a 5-year-old boy. The couple has been together for a year and a half at this point, and the kid—who’s from the fiance’s previous relationship—has seemingly been a part of the relationship as much as the couple itself. But not how you’d think.
While OP does think the kid’s lovely and all, he seems to be a part of absolutely everything on account that the dad, OP’s fiance, has been taking him everywhere with him because he’s 5… even places that OP deems not-so-kid-friendly.
Turns out, OP is not a fan of one-person acapella in posh settings, which led to a little family fight that the AITA community ended
Image credits: ThrowRaBirthdaysong5
This one time, the three went to a pretty classy restaurant. That in and of itself seemed to OP a bit unfitting, but then a birthday cake appeared. And soon after, the dad kicked off a loud song to the tune of “happy birthday.”
At this point, OP was reading the room—a lot of awkward looks coming their way, making OP uncomfortable and even embarrassed. Nobody intervened—not the people dining nearby, not the staff, nobody—further surprising OP and her take on social norms. In fact, there was one person who actually offered to film the whole thing.
A short while later, the fiance noticed that something was wrong. One sarcastic remark from OP later, an argument ensued over how she felt embarrassed because of the whole singing thing.
Image credits: ThrowRaBirthdaysong5
Image credits: Dark Dwarf (not the actual photo)
His side was that they were celebrating the kid’s big day, and the dad was trying to cheer him up. Turns out, his mother is sick, hence all the time he’s been spending with the dad. OP, however, thought they’d be celebrating at home, in privacy, where loud songs would not embarrass or bother anyone.
The fiance took this as OP being embarrassed of him and his son. So, he got upset and stopped talking to her altogether. She felt it was harsh, but passed on the question onto the r/AITA community.
And, let me tell you, they were not in favor of OP. Folks didn’t see the situation of a dad singing happy birthday to his son in a restaurant as embarrassing. They saw OP sulking in anger as embarrassing. And this is besides the fact that he was doing so to cheer him up, apart from all else that birthday celebrations entail.
Folks online were of the opinion that since it didn’t really bother anyone, and it was all to cheer up a 5-year-old, OP was hence wrong
Others pointed out that, with that attitude, OP shouldn’t even consider dating anyone with kids. They were skeptical of OP actually being ready to share her partner with the kid, getting only part of his time and attention. Because there is no other way, and the son will always be a priority.
If anything, if the staff did not butt in, and if none of the other patrons approached them saying it was inappropriate, then things were fine. And so the verdict of who’s the a-hole in all of this landed on OP.
The post got some attention on the subreddit, garnering nearly 10,000 upvotes with a handful of Reddit awards, and generating 5,300 comments in discussion. You can check out the post here.
Or, you can alternatively check out some other AITA stories that we’ve recently covered, like this one, or this one, or even this one. You know what, have one more for good measure.
But before you jump on the hyperlink train, why not scroll down to the comment section and share your thoughts about who’s right and who’s wrong. And while you’re at it, share your fancy restaurant stories if you got any!
Absolutely! I would do anything for my daughter...and if that includes off-key, goofily singing the Birthday Song to her while in a fancy restaurant to make her smile...then SO BE IT. Especially when she may be down due her other parent being ill. She needs to find a dude without kids, pronto.
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That woman is a major AH and should not be with someone who has children, especially that young. She sees him wanting to spend time with his son as an issue that needs to be discussed, that's a massive red flag. She considers herself more important than his son and that is not right. My boyfriend has a 16 and 12 year old sons and they are his world. He and I are deeply in love but I've said that I'm only willing to meet his boys when they feel they are comfortable and ready to do so. The ball is in their court, I will never be more important than his sons and that's how it should be. This woman needs to learn that. She's an evil stepmother in the making. That poor man and that poor little boy. She needs to be given the boot immediately.
I've worked in restaurants for years. Some have employees sing happy birthday on requests, some don't. Tables singing happy birthday happens all the time, both in restaurants that sing, and don't. As an employee I (along with alot of workers) personally HATE singing happy birthday to people, I'd rather the guest, the people that actually care about the birthday boy or girl, sing instead of me. Alao, doesn't matter what type of restaurant, if someone songs happy birthday, no staff is going to stop them. Maybe this woman used to work in a restaurant and forced to sing to strangers? That's the only reason why I'd think she'd have that reaction.
I don't understand these people who date other people with kids and then are shocked when they are GOOD PARENTS to said kids!!! Oh, gosh, he sang happy birthday to his five-year-old?! The scandal! She really needs to evaluate whether she can be in a relationship that involves a child; you always recognize that someone's child comes first, ALWAYS, and if you can't handle that, don't date someone with children.
Some of these AITA questions have me wondering about humanity. I read one from a bride that asked if it was ok to not invite her elderly grandmother with dementia to her wedding because she was worried that grandma would get more attention than her. Now this one wants to know if she's being unreasonable for being angry at a Dad singing happy birthday to his son. I hope she ends this relationship as I can see her being a jealous stepmother.
Poor dear, sounds like a bit of social anxiety. Ideally he could maybe warn her in advance next time so she isn't caught like a deer in the headlights. I hope they stay together, he sounds like a good person to help her out of her shell. that is, if she is willing to learn.
Agree mostly. However she also has a problem with him taking his child everywhere with him during the days he has custody and she wants to address that too. Just NO, that is his right as a parent and if he wants to get the most out of his time with his son, that's awesome imo. Coming between a parent and child is just not anybody's right to do unless there is abuse involved.
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Are you serious right now. Of course YTA!! With a capital YES! Selfish as well. He was singing to his freaking son! A five year old at that! Your son to be son-in-law. How dare you try to make this occasion about you. Suck it up buttercup b/c if that's how you're going to be when you're married, it's going to be a rough and bumpy marriage. Can't believe you even asked the question.
The boyfriend sounds like a great dad, and the girlfriend sounds like a jealous insecure a*****e.
I get being embarrassed by the top of his lungs singing bc it calls a lot of attention to you and I personally don't like attention, but I would've just recorded it for them and joked he really went all out, singing like that, I don't understand why she has such issues with the child being there a lot, seems like something you'd know early on in the relationship and decide then and there if you're ok with it...
YTA. You were uncomfortable so you acted like a sulky child. I think that's much worse than singing happy birthday to a 5 year old.
I don't know of a single restaurant, aside from maybe 4 Michelin stars for really stuck up people, that doesn't allow "Happy Birthday" songs. I actually worked in such high end restaurants and at least in those places, we went out of our way to make a production of it (I was the designated operatic HB singer many times). When she claimed the rest of the restaurant was embarrassed, she was clearly projecting her own feelings upon diners that, at most, were ignoring the celebration. Of course, this could be outside the USA, but I have a feeling it's not.
If singing Happy Birthday to a 5 year old, in a public place embarrasses you - please don’t ever have kids. Kudos to your boyfriend who understands how important a birthday is to a child. You’re a cold person. 😢
Notice that she also was angry that she wasn’t in the video an onlooker took.
She sounds like one of those people who, if she married him and had more children, she'd ask the photographer to remove the stepchild, as he isn't "real" family. What a horrible person. If you are engaged to a person who already has a child, one would hope that you would treat that child as your own while he was with you. I hope your fiance smartens up and realizes he needs to dump you, and quickly.
Just celebrated my birthday with my mom singing me happy birthday in a so called posh place. I turned twenty. No one had a problem with it...
Yeah, but maybe he could have toned it down a little and not sing it "at the top of his lungs"?
I think she was exaggerating a bit lol- or maybe trying to make up for the fact she wasn't singing
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Yes, definitely an a*****e. It was for his son, who’s a child. You’re not a good person, hopefully you never have a child of your own.
Well, if I am ever a single parent, this would be an awsome test for any potential partner!
I came here before reading what the r/Aita community said. That's not even a question. If no one interfered, I don't see why it's wrong. She just ruined that day. Her fiance should break up with her. He's just celebrating the 5-year-old's birthday, and she made it about herself and how she felt. And think about the kid: if OP & her fiance get married, OP will still be like this. She'll totally ruin the kid's life. Poor kid.
Wow! Just Wow. The person complaining about someone singing Happy Birthday is a really BIG A! She needs to remove herself from the lives of these two gentlemen as quickly as she can. She has no right to spend time with them. Lady, if you can’t still figure it out, YTA!
I think the fiance also shares a bit of the blame. My mom worked in one of those fancy expensive restaurants and they may have been too polite to intercede. Maybe he's one of those people who can't read a room. She should have just dealt with it in private instead of announcing it it the restaurant. As for him wanting to spend time with his son, I'm glad to see it. Too many fathers don't take any responsibility. So the OP is 90% AH and maybe should be examining how she feels about the kid. 'Cause he's not going anywhere.
Yeah, she is an uptight snob, I doubt she will treat that child nicely either
To be honest, I understand her, at least saying from a perspective of restaurant's guest. When I go out to the nice place (according to her, the restaurant was rather fancy), I expect to spend my time in good atmosphere, in quiet and peace, without disruptions. Hyperactive kid and loudly singing parent definitely ARE disruptions and they would sour my mood. But on the other hand, I firmly believe that one shouldn't rake their children to "adult" places until they're old enough to behave. 5 y.o. would definitely be happier spending his birthday in a child-friendly restaurant with playing corner or something (I'm not saying that it has to be fast food, just a place accomodated to kids needs) than in a tip shelf restaurant where *adults* want to spend their time in peace and relaxing atmosphere. (Also, I'd be terrified if my company would start publicly singing as I hate people staring at me.)
You totally have a point. However in this case it seems that noone bothered at all. She even said, that other guests offered to take pictures of them. So it appears they enjoyed it :). I do understand, that not everyone likes attention.
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I'd let someone down faster than a hot potato pulling that on me and the birthday kid!
AND what would she do if he would get his son full time? Would she only be happy if it were her son? She needs to date someone without children.
yeah, you are a POS and an a*****e, I am sure you are also going to be his ex after this type of reaction, trust me if that was your kid you would not have this reaction so yeah it is clear you have an issue with his kid.
Once I read some people came over to help record, I knew it was solidified for OP. People didnt f*****g care like you said they did.
Yes and you need to find a partner that doesn't have or want children because you'll make them both miserable.
HE NEEDS TO END THIS RELATIONSHIP PRONTO....WHAT A RED FLAG.....HE SOUNDS LIKE A KEEPER....HER NOT SO MUCH!!! SHE'S TAH
Clearly you never had children How can you feel embarased because of a father si ging a song to his child YTA I would have broken up with you if I was the father
If you have social anxiety…not him…not his kid…then you are the one who needs to adjust. Why does a 5 year old and his father have to “prepare” you to be embarrassed. Kids will do far far worse than sing in public place. PS. Why did you not know about the birthday cake? Are you so insufferable that you can’t even be included into the planning of his party? I will bet $ that she didn’t have a present for the kid either.
It would be reasonable to ask him to be quieter, cause it's impolite to be so loud in a restaurant, but she's being way too dramatic about it. It's definitely not as embarrassing as she makes it sound. No harm was done, nobody was insulted, and I'm sure everybody who witnessed it forgot about it as soon as they left the restaurant.
Didn’t seem to bother anyone? Damn Redditors I didn’t know you were telekinetic. I’m sure the other people were so happy to hear some random guy shouting across the restaurant. Like do these redditors just walk up to people and voice their frustrations at people all the time? Who would go stop it? So lame. ESH.
What exactly is embarrassing, all the people who matter and that you're supposed to care about are signing and having birthdays. The rest are background characters in this story and have no impact on your life. Never understood telling people you care about that they are embarrassing you in front of strangers or other irrelevant individuals. And anyone that would be against a happy birthday song is someone who will always be a stranger to me. Because like wtf, yta and a big one. He should dump you.
ESH imo. She overreacted, but BF didn't make an effort to understand why she felt that way. In a healthy relationship with good communication, they would have a discussion about why she felt embarrassed by it and how to do similar things in the future in ways that everyone's comfortable with. It sounds like she's suffering from anxiety and BF is not doing her any favors by shutting her out.
I guess I must be one of the only people on here, but I don't think that she's the a*****e. There's a time and a place for certain activities, and belting out happy birthday at the top of your lungs to a hyperactive child in a fancy restaurant is not one of those.
According to others, including those who've worked in all types of restaurants, it is.
Load More Replies... Absolutely! I would do anything for my daughter...and if that includes off-key, goofily singing the Birthday Song to her while in a fancy restaurant to make her smile...then SO BE IT. Especially when she may be down due her other parent being ill. She needs to find a dude without kids, pronto.
Load More Replies... That woman is a major AH and should not be with someone who has children, especially that young. She sees him wanting to spend time with his son as an issue that needs to be discussed, that's a massive red flag. She considers herself more important than his son and that is not right. My boyfriend has a 16 and 12 year old sons and they are his world. He and I are deeply in love but I've said that I'm only willing to meet his boys when they feel they are comfortable and ready to do so. The ball is in their court, I will never be more important than his sons and that's how it should be. This woman needs to learn that. She's an evil stepmother in the making. That poor man and that poor little boy. She needs to be given the boot immediately.
I've worked in restaurants for years. Some have employees sing happy birthday on requests, some don't. Tables singing happy birthday happens all the time, both in restaurants that sing, and don't. As an employee I (along with alot of workers) personally HATE singing happy birthday to people, I'd rather the guest, the people that actually care about the birthday boy or girl, sing instead of me. Alao, doesn't matter what type of restaurant, if someone songs happy birthday, no staff is going to stop them. Maybe this woman used to work in a restaurant and forced to sing to strangers? That's the only reason why I'd think she'd have that reaction.
I don't understand these people who date other people with kids and then are shocked when they are GOOD PARENTS to said kids!!! Oh, gosh, he sang happy birthday to his five-year-old?! The scandal! She really needs to evaluate whether she can be in a relationship that involves a child; you always recognize that someone's child comes first, ALWAYS, and if you can't handle that, don't date someone with children.
Some of these AITA questions have me wondering about humanity. I read one from a bride that asked if it was ok to not invite her elderly grandmother with dementia to her wedding because she was worried that grandma would get more attention than her. Now this one wants to know if she's being unreasonable for being angry at a Dad singing happy birthday to his son. I hope she ends this relationship as I can see her being a jealous stepmother.
Poor dear, sounds like a bit of social anxiety. Ideally he could maybe warn her in advance next time so she isn't caught like a deer in the headlights. I hope they stay together, he sounds like a good person to help her out of her shell. that is, if she is willing to learn.
Agree mostly. However she also has a problem with him taking his child everywhere with him during the days he has custody and she wants to address that too. Just NO, that is his right as a parent and if he wants to get the most out of his time with his son, that's awesome imo. Coming between a parent and child is just not anybody's right to do unless there is abuse involved.
Load More Replies... Are you serious right now. Of course YTA!! With a capital YES! Selfish as well. He was singing to his freaking son! A five year old at that! Your son to be son-in-law. How dare you try to make this occasion about you. Suck it up buttercup b/c if that's how you're going to be when you're married, it's going to be a rough and bumpy marriage. Can't believe you even asked the question.
The boyfriend sounds like a great dad, and the girlfriend sounds like a jealous insecure a*****e.
I get being embarrassed by the top of his lungs singing bc it calls a lot of attention to you and I personally don't like attention, but I would've just recorded it for them and joked he really went all out, singing like that, I don't understand why she has such issues with the child being there a lot, seems like something you'd know early on in the relationship and decide then and there if you're ok with it...
YTA. You were uncomfortable so you acted like a sulky child. I think that's much worse than singing happy birthday to a 5 year old.
I don't know of a single restaurant, aside from maybe 4 Michelin stars for really stuck up people, that doesn't allow "Happy Birthday" songs. I actually worked in such high end restaurants and at least in those places, we went out of our way to make a production of it (I was the designated operatic HB singer many times). When she claimed the rest of the restaurant was embarrassed, she was clearly projecting her own feelings upon diners that, at most, were ignoring the celebration. Of course, this could be outside the USA, but I have a feeling it's not.
If singing Happy Birthday to a 5 year old, in a public place embarrasses you - please don’t ever have kids. Kudos to your boyfriend who understands how important a birthday is to a child. You’re a cold person. 😢
Notice that she also was angry that she wasn’t in the video an onlooker took.
She sounds like one of those people who, if she married him and had more children, she'd ask the photographer to remove the stepchild, as he isn't "real" family. What a horrible person. If you are engaged to a person who already has a child, one would hope that you would treat that child as your own while he was with you. I hope your fiance smartens up and realizes he needs to dump you, and quickly.
Just celebrated my birthday with my mom singing me happy birthday in a so called posh place. I turned twenty. No one had a problem with it...
Yeah, but maybe he could have toned it down a little and not sing it "at the top of his lungs"?
I think she was exaggerating a bit lol- or maybe trying to make up for the fact she wasn't singing
Load More Replies... Yes, definitely an a*****e. It was for his son, who’s a child. You’re not a good person, hopefully you never have a child of your own.
Well, if I am ever a single parent, this would be an awsome test for any potential partner!
I came here before reading what the r/Aita community said. That's not even a question. If no one interfered, I don't see why it's wrong. She just ruined that day. Her fiance should break up with her. He's just celebrating the 5-year-old's birthday, and she made it about herself and how she felt. And think about the kid: if OP & her fiance get married, OP will still be like this. She'll totally ruin the kid's life. Poor kid.
Wow! Just Wow. The person complaining about someone singing Happy Birthday is a really BIG A! She needs to remove herself from the lives of these two gentlemen as quickly as she can. She has no right to spend time with them. Lady, if you can’t still figure it out, YTA!
I think the fiance also shares a bit of the blame. My mom worked in one of those fancy expensive restaurants and they may have been too polite to intercede. Maybe he's one of those people who can't read a room. She should have just dealt with it in private instead of announcing it it the restaurant. As for him wanting to spend time with his son, I'm glad to see it. Too many fathers don't take any responsibility. So the OP is 90% AH and maybe should be examining how she feels about the kid. 'Cause he's not going anywhere.
Yeah, she is an uptight snob, I doubt she will treat that child nicely either
To be honest, I understand her, at least saying from a perspective of restaurant's guest. When I go out to the nice place (according to her, the restaurant was rather fancy), I expect to spend my time in good atmosphere, in quiet and peace, without disruptions. Hyperactive kid and loudly singing parent definitely ARE disruptions and they would sour my mood. But on the other hand, I firmly believe that one shouldn't rake their children to "adult" places until they're old enough to behave. 5 y.o. would definitely be happier spending his birthday in a child-friendly restaurant with playing corner or something (I'm not saying that it has to be fast food, just a place accomodated to kids needs) than in a tip shelf restaurant where *adults* want to spend their time in peace and relaxing atmosphere. (Also, I'd be terrified if my company would start publicly singing as I hate people staring at me.)
You totally have a point. However in this case it seems that noone bothered at all. She even said, that other guests offered to take pictures of them. So it appears they enjoyed it :). I do understand, that not everyone likes attention.
Load More Replies... I'd let someone down faster than a hot potato pulling that on me and the birthday kid!
AND what would she do if he would get his son full time? Would she only be happy if it were her son? She needs to date someone without children.
yeah, you are a POS and an a*****e, I am sure you are also going to be his ex after this type of reaction, trust me if that was your kid you would not have this reaction so yeah it is clear you have an issue with his kid.
Once I read some people came over to help record, I knew it was solidified for OP. People didnt f*****g care like you said they did.
Yes and you need to find a partner that doesn't have or want children because you'll make them both miserable.
HE NEEDS TO END THIS RELATIONSHIP PRONTO....WHAT A RED FLAG.....HE SOUNDS LIKE A KEEPER....HER NOT SO MUCH!!! SHE'S TAH
Clearly you never had children How can you feel embarased because of a father si ging a song to his child YTA I would have broken up with you if I was the father
If you have social anxiety…not him…not his kid…then you are the one who needs to adjust. Why does a 5 year old and his father have to “prepare” you to be embarrassed. Kids will do far far worse than sing in public place. PS. Why did you not know about the birthday cake? Are you so insufferable that you can’t even be included into the planning of his party? I will bet $ that she didn’t have a present for the kid either.
It would be reasonable to ask him to be quieter, cause it's impolite to be so loud in a restaurant, but she's being way too dramatic about it. It's definitely not as embarrassing as she makes it sound. No harm was done, nobody was insulted, and I'm sure everybody who witnessed it forgot about it as soon as they left the restaurant.
Didn’t seem to bother anyone? Damn Redditors I didn’t know you were telekinetic. I’m sure the other people were so happy to hear some random guy shouting across the restaurant. Like do these redditors just walk up to people and voice their frustrations at people all the time? Who would go stop it? So lame. ESH.
What exactly is embarrassing, all the people who matter and that you're supposed to care about are signing and having birthdays. The rest are background characters in this story and have no impact on your life. Never understood telling people you care about that they are embarrassing you in front of strangers or other irrelevant individuals. And anyone that would be against a happy birthday song is someone who will always be a stranger to me. Because like wtf, yta and a big one. He should dump you.
ESH imo. She overreacted, but BF didn't make an effort to understand why she felt that way. In a healthy relationship with good communication, they would have a discussion about why she felt embarrassed by it and how to do similar things in the future in ways that everyone's comfortable with. It sounds like she's suffering from anxiety and BF is not doing her any favors by shutting her out.
I guess I must be one of the only people on here, but I don't think that she's the a*****e. There's a time and a place for certain activities, and belting out happy birthday at the top of your lungs to a hyperactive child in a fancy restaurant is not one of those.
According to others, including those who've worked in all types of restaurants, it is.
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