Fiancé’s Mom Pressures Woman Into Signing A Prenup, She ‘Embarrasses’ Him By Saying She’s Actually Richer
Trust is absolutely essential to a long, happy, healthy relationship. In fact, I’d argue that without trust, there’s no real way to have a proper long-term relationship at all. It’s the bedrock for your love. It’s the glue that holds your common future together. And it hurts very much when you learn that your partner, the love of your life, doesn’t trust you as much as you thought they did. It’s even worse when they let their family members call the shots in your relationship.
Reddit user AITAemasculatormaybe shared a story about the drama happening with her fiancé’s family with the AITA community, hoping to hear their take on the situation. She wanted to know if she was wrong for calling out her partner’s mom after she pushed her to sign a prenuptial agreement while emasculating the love of her life in front of his entire family.
After being called a gold digger, the 32-year-old redditor couldn’t take it anymore and set the record straight during a furious argument at dinner. You’ll find the full story below, dear Pandas. Let us know who you think was in the wrong here. Would you have done anything differently? Would a prenup be a deal-breaker for you? Share your thoughts with all the other Pandas in the comment section.
For those of you Pandas who might not know, a prenup is a written contract, signed by a couple that’s engaged. The contract outlines their rights and responsibilities with regard to various assets and debts. It also explains what would happen if the couple gets divorced or one of them dies. Pushing for a prenuptial agreement can potentially damage the relationship because it implies that the person may not have as much faith in their partner as previously thought. So before you ask for a prenup, consider whether you may do more harm than good.
However, dating and relationship expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, has a different stance on prenups. He explained to Bored Panda that a prenup doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of trust in the other person. “In many cases, it’s based a lack of trust in the legal system, which usually favors women over men during a divorce. My wife signed a prenup, even though I had no reason to distrust her. We’re still happily together and in love almost 9 years to this day and have two children,” he said. You’ll find our full interview with Dan about prenups below, dear Readers.
A woman shared how her fiancé’s mother tried to force her to sign a prenuptial agreement after dinner one night
Image credits: Pexels (not the actual photo)
After being called a gold digger, she set the record straight and, in the process, emasculated her future husband
Image credits: AITAemasculatormaybe
Relationship expert Dan shared with Bored Panda that the reason he went for a prenup wasn’t due to a lack of trust in the love of his life. “I went for a prenup because I don’t think a person should ever have the power to threaten another person in a relationship with half of their assets. For example: A wife says to her husband, ‘If you don’t do this/that, I will divorce you and take half your stuff.’ So, in my opinion, a prenup is a legitimate way to help reduce the potential for that kind of manipulation in a marriage,” he opened up.
“My wife was earning slightly more than me when we first met, but that didn’t change my stance on prenups. For me, a prenup about getting rid of the potential for manipulation or threats and allowing a relationship to last on love, rather than on nasty legal ramifications.”
The agreement had no repercussions for his relationship. “The prenup caused absolutely no harm between my wife and me because we are honestly committed to each other and she has no intention of trying to take advantage of me. If anything, it brought us even closer because it reconfirmed for her that she has no intention of ever leaving me,” he said.
What hurt the most for the redditor who shared her story on the AITA community was the fact that her 38-year-old fiancé went back on his word and seemingly chose his mother’s side over supporting her. The couple had had a serious talk about all the possible deal-breakers in their relationship after getting engaged. For the redditor, one of the deal-breakers would have been a prenuptial agreement.
“I just think that if you’re preparing for divorce before even getting married, it’s a sign that you’re probably marrying the wrong person. He agreed and everything was fine,” she wrote in a post in the AITA online group on Reddit, getting 21k upvotes and 2.2k comments.
However… things soon took a turn for the worse. Her fiancé’s family started suggesting that they sign a prenup more and more often. Eventually, things came to a head when the couple went to have dinner at the man’s family home. His mother put a copy of a prenup, drafted by her lawyer, in front of the redditor to sign. What a ‘lovely’ way to end dinner. Might we suggest dessert or a pot of tea next time?
The redditor kept to her guns and refused to even read the agreement. For that, she was called a gold digger. Meanwhile, her husband-to-be wasn’t able to stand up for the love of his life, choosing to let his mother take the lead.
That’s when the redditor finally snapped! She explained that she makes a whopping four times as much money as her partner does, she has her own house, and comes from a very well-off family. However, her fiancé thought that she was wrong to have emasculated him and now holds a grudge against her because his reputation within his family took a nosedive.
Most redditors thought that the woman did nothing wrong. Instead, they blamed her husband-to-be
he was fine for his mom to call his future wife a gold digger, but wasn't fine with him being called a gold digger by his brothers... ok
yeah, my first thought, too... time for her to *run*.
Load More Replies...I found not defending your fiance emasculating. He dismissed when mommy was attacking his future wife, but felt offended when negatives are on him. Classic - spineless males who are butt hurt when a woman happens to be stronger. Better sign a pre-nup to protect herself from him.
Nah, just call it off and find someone better. It’s obvious she way out of this loser’s league.
Load More Replies...I guess there's just one more thing that that woman should do, ditch the spineless gold digger. His behavior is even more disgusting when you consider that they have been in a relationship for 6 years. Mummy's child should be sent back to mummy.
Hes stuck with his mother still being alive for 20 more years and listening to the things that come out of her mouth.
Load More Replies...The biggest red flag here is him not standing up for his soon-to-be-wife. If he can't stand up for her now, this does not bode well for future challenges. As for him allowing his mother to call her a gold-digger, yet being offended by the same title thrown back at him..... Huge red flags. I guess OP could at least feel grateful that she has seen this side of him now rather than once they are married. Although obviously heartbreaking to be confronted by this side of the man you love.
The "family boundaries" were part of the deal-breakers list, along with adopting, religion, blah, blah. He should have leaped up in an instant and shut his mom down at the moment as well as riping it up the paper. He allowed that moment to escalate, when he could have contained it before that power of the truth was revealed--on him.
Load More Replies...I got called a gold digger by my husband's family. My husband responded by telling his family that he was unemployed, that I paid all of the bills, and that I was paying for his college out of my own pocket. Then guess who did not come up for Christmas for the first time in 6 years. The masculine thing to do is to stand up for your partner when they are being attacked. It meant the absolute world to me because it honestly hurt me a lot. He is doing well professionally now but that was a hard time of me trying to get my career underway, pay all the bills, and knowing if I screwed up we would be really screwed. It was a lot of stress and pressure.
Sadly, society still doesn't quite seem to accept that women can be the primary earner in a household. My wife earns close to double what I earn, and as a man you DO still get occasional comments about how unusual that situation is. My wife frequently hears that people at her work describe her as "ambitious"- and they don't mean that as a complement. But the real issue was when I was the one who took longer off work to do childcare after our daughter was born, and let me tell you, being a father who is a primary carer is treated with at best suspicious curiosity and at worst downright HOSTILITY by other mothers. There's a long way to go before society totally normalises equal roles for men and women, sadly.
Men are looking at this thing all wrong. Women have always been proud of their husbands’ success, and considered it to reflect well on themselves also, especially since they contributed to it (even if only by making sure other things were taken care of so he could concentrate on his work). If I was a man, and a smart, lovely, successful woman actually chose ME over all the other, more successful, men out there, I would consider myself the luckiest guy in the world! She could have anybody, but she chose ME! And I would make sure to be as great a helpmate to her as she would be for me. (See how this situation is complimentary, and not insulting?)
Load More Replies...Wait. I don't get it. Can anyone explain? A prenup ensures that in case of a divorce, the ex can't walk off with half of your money or assets. If she makes 4 times as much as him, and she does not want a prenup, isn't that just showing that she loves him more than her own money? How could his parents be upset by that?
The mother assumed that the fruit of her loins was the wealthier party in the relationship. Because, obviously, women never earn more than men. :7 That's also why she called OP a golddiger. Op doesn't want a prenup because she feels that that's planning for divorce without even being married. As far as the love goes, I doubt that they'll ever get married.
Load More Replies...Why are you marrying him? A marriage is between two adults. Do you really want to be his mommy?
This screams “woman in her 30’s who have already invested 6 years (!) and the thought of starting over, being alone and investing time in finding the correct person before being too old to have children is too scary a thought, so she will ignore red flags, settle and try her best to make this work.”
Load More Replies...The mother is the big asshole here, Mr. Fiancee is being a twerp as well, and his brothers are being jerks Dr. OP was in the right but,could have handled it better, told the family her income was none of their business instead of going into detail. Because it IS none of their business.
By the look of it she was told politely several times. Being told impolitely is the only way to go from there
Load More Replies...Drop him, and thank your lucky stars you learned all this before the wedding. You told FMIL no, her son kind of did. Had he spoken up when she produced the pre-nup, that would be one thing. She would still try to meddle in your lives, but hubby would be standing with you. And the idea that her making more is "emasculating" will be a problem. I make more then my hubby, about 4 times as much as well. He's OK with that. His dad made a half-serious joke once about me being a gold-digger after his money, his reply was "what money dad? She makes more, and owns this condo we are having dinner in. If anything I'm the gold-digger here". One more reason I knew I wanted to marry him.
Every couple that gets married believe that it will last until one of them die. In about half the cases that turns out not to be true. What that shows is that many people are really bad at predicting the future rerarding their relationship, and without a prenup being wrong can be really costly. I do get that a prenup is not very romantic but is the smart thing to do as a way to protect yourself in case things turns out nasty. No one believes that their house is going to burn down, but yet in the very rare case that it does it is nice to not loose everything and hence most people by ensurance. Why not ensure your assets incase your marriage go haywire? Especially realtionships with parts with so different earnings, things can end up really bad. Get a prenup and have seperate accounts and transfere a certain amount of money into a combined acount each month to pay for grocceries etc. It will spare you a lot of arguing about fairness later when setteling who pays for what.
Makes you wonder what he's been privately telling his mother. As in.. He bought their home, how much more money he makes than his Doctor of Medicine fiance, how he's tried to get her to sign a prenup and she just won't. Because there's nothing liars hate more than being exposed.
You waited 4 years to have the Deal Breakers talk? Regardless, NTA. He should have shut his mom up and gotten up and walked off with you when she dropped the document down on the table. He could now lean into it and make a joke about his new Sugar Momma, in a playful way with his friends and family. NTA.
1. Don't marry him! 2. Seriously, why why why would you want to marry a person like that? He finds it emasculating that you earn more. He doesn't defend your character. He won't stand up to his parent. Good luck raising kids with a person (and a MIL) like that. 3. If you absolutely must, get a prenup for yourself. Unless you failed to mention his list of super exonerating qualities and he is otherwise a saint, I am not too optimistic about your future together.
NTA, at all. Plus, since he not only did not stand up to his mother, after agreeing with you about no pre-nup, but also then turned on you and claimed you emasculated him because you stood up for yourself, even though he did it to himself through his own cowardice, my advice is to call the whole thing off. Dump this loser, before you find yourself paying for everything so he can play video games all day before draining your bank account and cheating on you while you’re at work. Not to mention sabotaging your career whenever he can—-like showing his ass and making a scene at a formal dinner with your colleagues, by drinking too much or picking fights with you, or loudly accusing male colleagues of sleeping with you. Find someone who is actually worthy of you, who would never even think of blaming you for their own issues (they probably won’t have many anyway), and who has parents who don’t meddle. You don’t need this guy’s drama. Believe me, you’ll be so much happier in the long run.
Straight talk, anyone who is emasculated by a women who makes more money, who is incapable of seeing the whole as a partnership, is just going to become increasingly bitter over time. She should move one. What happens when he gets a "great 10%" raise and can't wait to tell her, only to find out that hers is 2-4 times his? If he already feels small, it's not going to get better over time.
Run. Away. Now. Mommy ain't gonna get better with time, fiancee ain't gonna grow a pair of balls with time. Nothing about this situation will get better. AND when you divorce, no matter what his intentions were, you will end up seriously worse off.
Shame on her "lover" and his entire family. When his parents married their vows most likely required his father to put his new wife above his family and his wife and he were to be one. Shame on HIM for listening to his mother. She needs to find someone that loves her more than his mother.
Both of my sisters had husbands who refused to take control of their lives away from their parents and refused to set boundaries with their parents, and mothers in law that couldn't cut the apron strings. Both of my sisters are now getting divorced. Men who put more stock in their mother's opinion and are more concerned about their mother's feelings are terrible husbands.
Totally NTA. Also 4 years in is waaaaaaaaay to late to be having the "dealbreaker discussion". 4 months would be better.
I would really break up with the guy... He is okay with her being rich and all. But when she states the obvious, she is the villain. Yup... this wedding should not happen. In fact, if she keen on marrying, she should set up a pre-nup to save herself. If this is how he is behaving now, the situation will be worse if they break up after marriage. The mom will make sure to squeeze the girl dry financially and he will allow that to happen.
OP works hard for what she got. Why making it a secret? If anyone has a problem with what she earns compared with her fiance, that's this person's problem. Can we stop earning money an ego prop? In any direction?
So naive to say, "If you start your marriage preparing for it to end, then you're not with the right person." NOBODY thinks they're marrying the wrong person, not even OP when it's obvious the guy is a loser and a mama's boy. The fact is that 40% of marriages end in divorce and everyone is so sure they'll be the exception. Put 5 married couples next to each other - 2 of them will be divorced eventually. Be smart, get a prenup. OP should have signed one with that dud she's with.
Certainly NTA and kudos to you for standing-up for yourself. But, for YOUR own [financially] safety, do get a prenup. Especially when you're the "breadwinner", protect your assets and wealth from these money-hungry-family. My partner and I signed an agreement (created, negotiated, and reviewed by both our attorneys before it's notarized) after living together for 1 year. 10 years later we never once amended the contract and the document did help strengthen our relationship. Does not matter who's richer and how much you love each other, if you both have wealth, investments, and other assets it is best to protect them to your best ability.
For some reason, all of these stories of overbearing in laws reminds me of my parents' marriage. It wasn't my dad's mother that was the problem though, it was his sister's. My mom, my aunt, my sister, and I all talk what a lot of black people refer to as "proper" and this always bothered my dad's oldest sister. She was upset that my dad had married a woman with some education and they had daughters that were educated. My aunt dropped out of high school. I guess she thought my mom was flaunting her education in front of her. What made this even more crazy was that my dad is educated. He dropped out of high school as well, but he got his GED and took some college classes. Mt aunt spent a lot of time interfering in my parents' marriage until my mom had had enough and we didn't talk to her for about a year.
Leave him where you fond him. If you insist on going forward with this, have him sign a prenup and protect your assets. I made my ex sign one when we got married. He came with nothing, and he left with nothing. Men are the far bigger golddiggers than women.
Im honestly baffled... people really have the "dealbreaker" talk AFTER being together for 6 years and getting engaged? Isnt that like accepting to marry a complete stranger? How do you spend 6 years with someone without knowing about what your life goals are, on what you can compromise and if you´re compatible at all?
Why isn't everyone doing a prenup in this day and age? We're poor as f**k and we had one drafted up saying the everything we came into the marriage with was ours and any inheritances were ours alone. Anything made during the marriage would be divided in half. It doesn't mean you're thinking about divorce. You're thinking smart.
We’re he a truly good person, he wouldn’t have felt “emasculated”, instead he would have agreed and supported his fiancé as well as explaining to his mother everything wrong with how she spoke to his fiancé
My wife has a higher earning potential than me, higher education, too. I had always thought I was enough of a progressive person and that stuff like this wouldn't bother me, but I was surprised to find that it did a little, probably because of insecurity and worrying about how other (toxic) people would perceive me. So I did need to work on that a bit early on, realizing that I had an unhealthy self-identity thing happening, defining myself based on superiority levels. Now, of course, I would tell anyone, including strangers on the internet here. I'm proud of her, she worked hard to get here and deserves every penny. Duh.
If he's feeling emasculated maybe he should remove his balls from mummy's handbag
She's a doctor and future MIL calling her a gold digger? Apparently the old lady doesn't know doctors are rich. I'd get a prenup now to protect HER assets because when it's time for divorce Mommy will be telling her son to take wife to the cleaners.
Honey, you better pick yourself up and run as far away from this family as possible. The future possible husband is lacking some male anatomy to stand up to his mother and the mother has seriously breached boundaries. I can assure you, that the WORSTS is yet to come. I think you could have handled the situation without needed to cut off the guy's jewels. A simple, "That is none of your business and I would appreciate it if you would respect our privacy" would have been sufficient. If the mother didn't get it then, I would have walked out.
He should have stand up for her (and not because he is a man). As he hasn't she was perfectly justified to defend herself
NTA, most definitely not. By the way it’s not unmanly that the woman makes more, it’s his insecurity about that
1) standing up against parents can be extremley hard for some people. 2) calling your sons fiance "gold digger"? Nope. Just no. The lady had a kick in her face comming. 3) prenup can be a good thing. I knew a guy with quite some bagage. He cleaned up and married a good woman - but he insisted on a prenup because of all his bagage.
That deal breaker talk should haven withing the first few dates I think.
The woman defending herself from being attacked by his family is emasculating... Oh yeah. I see a long and happy marriage there.
Honey, if I was you, I'd bug out of that relationship. Better to know now than after it's too late!
I can't get past those RED FLAGS! $100k of personal debt? Earns 1/4 but has $100k of personal debt?? Where do you think your financial future is headed as a couple?? You both seriously need to get counselling BEFORE you marry - financial AND relationship...
Honey, I hope you broke up with him. If he won't stand up to Mommy Dearest now, things will be worse after you get married. Tough s**t if he doesn't like being called a gold digger when he had no problem with you being called one!
Dan Bacon? Really? You're holding Dan Bacon out as a "relationship expert"? The "How to talk to women while they're wearing headphones" guy? Wtf, BP? Did all the staff members responsible for "doing any sort of research whatsoever" all call out sick?
Damn, if he’s already feeling emasculated over something like that, I’d be worried about marrying him in the first place. Nothing like entering a marriage where your partner is already shows that their pride is more important than being proud of your achievements.
I wonder if there is any reason to marry him at all? Apart from you are dating for a while.
CALL IT OFF!!! You are seeing what he really is now: an insecure mama's boy who won't ever stand up for his FOC to his FOO. These are huge red flags!! Seriously you are so out of his league. Call it off and get out of there. Neither he nor his family have any respect for you and that is hugely troublesome!!!
He's a weak Momma's boy and you can guess this was not a surprise to him. Better she know before marriage what she'd be getting because his mother/family would call every shot in that marriage bar none. I seen it and I have seen it destroy relationships between couples who didn't pay attention before the marriage.
Just get out of there mate, he sounds like a weak mummy's-boy, the salary difference doesn't matter but the fact he is a little wimp does.
SHE needs the prenup to protect HER from him so she doesn't end up PAYING off his debt!
I would tell mommy's boy to hit the road jack and don't come back no more....If he feels this way now and doesn't choose you over mommy then why would you want him ..he is disrespecting you and your relationship with him. Find someone that has a back bone.
First, I really do hate these one-sided, regurgitated articles. It is quite suspicious if the written above is truth or the whole truth. Anyway, putting that aside, both parties are equally at fault in this situation. The man should have talked about this clearly with his family and put some boundaries. He should have defended his partner as well. The woman, on the other hand, could have found a better solution. If they are together for so many years, she should have known him better. It is pure speculation, but perhaps he has some issues with his sibling/family. Another thing I found strange is her strong discontent toward the prenup if she really is so richer than him. It is illogical. Signing an agreement in this day and age is a common thing. It is for the safety and peace of mind of both parties. It isn't a reason to get offended about. In conclusion, both parties have some friction and perhaps there is a reason they are still not married.
I'm gonna go against the grain here. Mild YTA. Should the fiancé be more assertive with his mother? Yes. But from this interaction alone I'd say it'll take therapy for that to happen. And now he's the butt of jokes with his siblings, of *course* he's gonna be upset. I'd say it has little to do with how much you actually make (esp as it seems this was never an issue before) and more to do with his toxic family.
I would happily be a house husband...not sure why making less is emasculating.
I'd call off the wedding altogether and dump his ass tbh - not only are you getting away from some horrible in-laws, but you're also dodging the bullet of being with a guy who doesn't stand up for you, but complains when he's called a gold digger and that it "emasculated" him. (thinly veiled misogyny much?) I'd just run and find someone better.
Divorce laws in many countries have not caught up with the times, so men feel the need to protect themselves because the law doesn't. Why did she not disclose her assets earlier? Was she afraid that he was a gold digger? The relationship seems doomed to fail from the start, and both are to blame. Really there should be a frank discussion about what happens when they break up, rather than if, as it happens in about 50% of cases, and so often the man ends up handing over the family home, and the family capital, and alimony, and child allowance to his ex wife, and has to live in a shitty flat at least for a few years.
Why should she talk about finances with her in laws? That is a conversation between the couple. The MIL doesnt need to know s**t.
Load More Replies...Maybe the weak-ass beta male should have the balls to confront his mother about her calling you a thief to your face? "Emasculating" - is the word for what his mommy is doing. She's a scumbag and the apple won't fall far from that tree. Run now, while you can.
Umm, thats not at all what she said. She said his mommy keeps butting in, and he wont stand up to his mommy and defend his Lady.
Load More Replies...You are right. She shouldnt because her fiancee should have been the one to step up and defend her instead of bejng a spineless mummys boy
Load More Replies...he was fine for his mom to call his future wife a gold digger, but wasn't fine with him being called a gold digger by his brothers... ok
yeah, my first thought, too... time for her to *run*.
Load More Replies...I found not defending your fiance emasculating. He dismissed when mommy was attacking his future wife, but felt offended when negatives are on him. Classic - spineless males who are butt hurt when a woman happens to be stronger. Better sign a pre-nup to protect herself from him.
Nah, just call it off and find someone better. It’s obvious she way out of this loser’s league.
Load More Replies...I guess there's just one more thing that that woman should do, ditch the spineless gold digger. His behavior is even more disgusting when you consider that they have been in a relationship for 6 years. Mummy's child should be sent back to mummy.
Hes stuck with his mother still being alive for 20 more years and listening to the things that come out of her mouth.
Load More Replies...The biggest red flag here is him not standing up for his soon-to-be-wife. If he can't stand up for her now, this does not bode well for future challenges. As for him allowing his mother to call her a gold-digger, yet being offended by the same title thrown back at him..... Huge red flags. I guess OP could at least feel grateful that she has seen this side of him now rather than once they are married. Although obviously heartbreaking to be confronted by this side of the man you love.
The "family boundaries" were part of the deal-breakers list, along with adopting, religion, blah, blah. He should have leaped up in an instant and shut his mom down at the moment as well as riping it up the paper. He allowed that moment to escalate, when he could have contained it before that power of the truth was revealed--on him.
Load More Replies...I got called a gold digger by my husband's family. My husband responded by telling his family that he was unemployed, that I paid all of the bills, and that I was paying for his college out of my own pocket. Then guess who did not come up for Christmas for the first time in 6 years. The masculine thing to do is to stand up for your partner when they are being attacked. It meant the absolute world to me because it honestly hurt me a lot. He is doing well professionally now but that was a hard time of me trying to get my career underway, pay all the bills, and knowing if I screwed up we would be really screwed. It was a lot of stress and pressure.
Sadly, society still doesn't quite seem to accept that women can be the primary earner in a household. My wife earns close to double what I earn, and as a man you DO still get occasional comments about how unusual that situation is. My wife frequently hears that people at her work describe her as "ambitious"- and they don't mean that as a complement. But the real issue was when I was the one who took longer off work to do childcare after our daughter was born, and let me tell you, being a father who is a primary carer is treated with at best suspicious curiosity and at worst downright HOSTILITY by other mothers. There's a long way to go before society totally normalises equal roles for men and women, sadly.
Men are looking at this thing all wrong. Women have always been proud of their husbands’ success, and considered it to reflect well on themselves also, especially since they contributed to it (even if only by making sure other things were taken care of so he could concentrate on his work). If I was a man, and a smart, lovely, successful woman actually chose ME over all the other, more successful, men out there, I would consider myself the luckiest guy in the world! She could have anybody, but she chose ME! And I would make sure to be as great a helpmate to her as she would be for me. (See how this situation is complimentary, and not insulting?)
Load More Replies...Wait. I don't get it. Can anyone explain? A prenup ensures that in case of a divorce, the ex can't walk off with half of your money or assets. If she makes 4 times as much as him, and she does not want a prenup, isn't that just showing that she loves him more than her own money? How could his parents be upset by that?
The mother assumed that the fruit of her loins was the wealthier party in the relationship. Because, obviously, women never earn more than men. :7 That's also why she called OP a golddiger. Op doesn't want a prenup because she feels that that's planning for divorce without even being married. As far as the love goes, I doubt that they'll ever get married.
Load More Replies...Why are you marrying him? A marriage is between two adults. Do you really want to be his mommy?
This screams “woman in her 30’s who have already invested 6 years (!) and the thought of starting over, being alone and investing time in finding the correct person before being too old to have children is too scary a thought, so she will ignore red flags, settle and try her best to make this work.”
Load More Replies...The mother is the big asshole here, Mr. Fiancee is being a twerp as well, and his brothers are being jerks Dr. OP was in the right but,could have handled it better, told the family her income was none of their business instead of going into detail. Because it IS none of their business.
By the look of it she was told politely several times. Being told impolitely is the only way to go from there
Load More Replies...Drop him, and thank your lucky stars you learned all this before the wedding. You told FMIL no, her son kind of did. Had he spoken up when she produced the pre-nup, that would be one thing. She would still try to meddle in your lives, but hubby would be standing with you. And the idea that her making more is "emasculating" will be a problem. I make more then my hubby, about 4 times as much as well. He's OK with that. His dad made a half-serious joke once about me being a gold-digger after his money, his reply was "what money dad? She makes more, and owns this condo we are having dinner in. If anything I'm the gold-digger here". One more reason I knew I wanted to marry him.
Every couple that gets married believe that it will last until one of them die. In about half the cases that turns out not to be true. What that shows is that many people are really bad at predicting the future rerarding their relationship, and without a prenup being wrong can be really costly. I do get that a prenup is not very romantic but is the smart thing to do as a way to protect yourself in case things turns out nasty. No one believes that their house is going to burn down, but yet in the very rare case that it does it is nice to not loose everything and hence most people by ensurance. Why not ensure your assets incase your marriage go haywire? Especially realtionships with parts with so different earnings, things can end up really bad. Get a prenup and have seperate accounts and transfere a certain amount of money into a combined acount each month to pay for grocceries etc. It will spare you a lot of arguing about fairness later when setteling who pays for what.
Makes you wonder what he's been privately telling his mother. As in.. He bought their home, how much more money he makes than his Doctor of Medicine fiance, how he's tried to get her to sign a prenup and she just won't. Because there's nothing liars hate more than being exposed.
You waited 4 years to have the Deal Breakers talk? Regardless, NTA. He should have shut his mom up and gotten up and walked off with you when she dropped the document down on the table. He could now lean into it and make a joke about his new Sugar Momma, in a playful way with his friends and family. NTA.
1. Don't marry him! 2. Seriously, why why why would you want to marry a person like that? He finds it emasculating that you earn more. He doesn't defend your character. He won't stand up to his parent. Good luck raising kids with a person (and a MIL) like that. 3. If you absolutely must, get a prenup for yourself. Unless you failed to mention his list of super exonerating qualities and he is otherwise a saint, I am not too optimistic about your future together.
NTA, at all. Plus, since he not only did not stand up to his mother, after agreeing with you about no pre-nup, but also then turned on you and claimed you emasculated him because you stood up for yourself, even though he did it to himself through his own cowardice, my advice is to call the whole thing off. Dump this loser, before you find yourself paying for everything so he can play video games all day before draining your bank account and cheating on you while you’re at work. Not to mention sabotaging your career whenever he can—-like showing his ass and making a scene at a formal dinner with your colleagues, by drinking too much or picking fights with you, or loudly accusing male colleagues of sleeping with you. Find someone who is actually worthy of you, who would never even think of blaming you for their own issues (they probably won’t have many anyway), and who has parents who don’t meddle. You don’t need this guy’s drama. Believe me, you’ll be so much happier in the long run.
Straight talk, anyone who is emasculated by a women who makes more money, who is incapable of seeing the whole as a partnership, is just going to become increasingly bitter over time. She should move one. What happens when he gets a "great 10%" raise and can't wait to tell her, only to find out that hers is 2-4 times his? If he already feels small, it's not going to get better over time.
Run. Away. Now. Mommy ain't gonna get better with time, fiancee ain't gonna grow a pair of balls with time. Nothing about this situation will get better. AND when you divorce, no matter what his intentions were, you will end up seriously worse off.
Shame on her "lover" and his entire family. When his parents married their vows most likely required his father to put his new wife above his family and his wife and he were to be one. Shame on HIM for listening to his mother. She needs to find someone that loves her more than his mother.
Both of my sisters had husbands who refused to take control of their lives away from their parents and refused to set boundaries with their parents, and mothers in law that couldn't cut the apron strings. Both of my sisters are now getting divorced. Men who put more stock in their mother's opinion and are more concerned about their mother's feelings are terrible husbands.
Totally NTA. Also 4 years in is waaaaaaaaay to late to be having the "dealbreaker discussion". 4 months would be better.
I would really break up with the guy... He is okay with her being rich and all. But when she states the obvious, she is the villain. Yup... this wedding should not happen. In fact, if she keen on marrying, she should set up a pre-nup to save herself. If this is how he is behaving now, the situation will be worse if they break up after marriage. The mom will make sure to squeeze the girl dry financially and he will allow that to happen.
OP works hard for what she got. Why making it a secret? If anyone has a problem with what she earns compared with her fiance, that's this person's problem. Can we stop earning money an ego prop? In any direction?
So naive to say, "If you start your marriage preparing for it to end, then you're not with the right person." NOBODY thinks they're marrying the wrong person, not even OP when it's obvious the guy is a loser and a mama's boy. The fact is that 40% of marriages end in divorce and everyone is so sure they'll be the exception. Put 5 married couples next to each other - 2 of them will be divorced eventually. Be smart, get a prenup. OP should have signed one with that dud she's with.
Certainly NTA and kudos to you for standing-up for yourself. But, for YOUR own [financially] safety, do get a prenup. Especially when you're the "breadwinner", protect your assets and wealth from these money-hungry-family. My partner and I signed an agreement (created, negotiated, and reviewed by both our attorneys before it's notarized) after living together for 1 year. 10 years later we never once amended the contract and the document did help strengthen our relationship. Does not matter who's richer and how much you love each other, if you both have wealth, investments, and other assets it is best to protect them to your best ability.
For some reason, all of these stories of overbearing in laws reminds me of my parents' marriage. It wasn't my dad's mother that was the problem though, it was his sister's. My mom, my aunt, my sister, and I all talk what a lot of black people refer to as "proper" and this always bothered my dad's oldest sister. She was upset that my dad had married a woman with some education and they had daughters that were educated. My aunt dropped out of high school. I guess she thought my mom was flaunting her education in front of her. What made this even more crazy was that my dad is educated. He dropped out of high school as well, but he got his GED and took some college classes. Mt aunt spent a lot of time interfering in my parents' marriage until my mom had had enough and we didn't talk to her for about a year.
Leave him where you fond him. If you insist on going forward with this, have him sign a prenup and protect your assets. I made my ex sign one when we got married. He came with nothing, and he left with nothing. Men are the far bigger golddiggers than women.
Im honestly baffled... people really have the "dealbreaker" talk AFTER being together for 6 years and getting engaged? Isnt that like accepting to marry a complete stranger? How do you spend 6 years with someone without knowing about what your life goals are, on what you can compromise and if you´re compatible at all?
Why isn't everyone doing a prenup in this day and age? We're poor as f**k and we had one drafted up saying the everything we came into the marriage with was ours and any inheritances were ours alone. Anything made during the marriage would be divided in half. It doesn't mean you're thinking about divorce. You're thinking smart.
We’re he a truly good person, he wouldn’t have felt “emasculated”, instead he would have agreed and supported his fiancé as well as explaining to his mother everything wrong with how she spoke to his fiancé
My wife has a higher earning potential than me, higher education, too. I had always thought I was enough of a progressive person and that stuff like this wouldn't bother me, but I was surprised to find that it did a little, probably because of insecurity and worrying about how other (toxic) people would perceive me. So I did need to work on that a bit early on, realizing that I had an unhealthy self-identity thing happening, defining myself based on superiority levels. Now, of course, I would tell anyone, including strangers on the internet here. I'm proud of her, she worked hard to get here and deserves every penny. Duh.
If he's feeling emasculated maybe he should remove his balls from mummy's handbag
She's a doctor and future MIL calling her a gold digger? Apparently the old lady doesn't know doctors are rich. I'd get a prenup now to protect HER assets because when it's time for divorce Mommy will be telling her son to take wife to the cleaners.
Honey, you better pick yourself up and run as far away from this family as possible. The future possible husband is lacking some male anatomy to stand up to his mother and the mother has seriously breached boundaries. I can assure you, that the WORSTS is yet to come. I think you could have handled the situation without needed to cut off the guy's jewels. A simple, "That is none of your business and I would appreciate it if you would respect our privacy" would have been sufficient. If the mother didn't get it then, I would have walked out.
He should have stand up for her (and not because he is a man). As he hasn't she was perfectly justified to defend herself
NTA, most definitely not. By the way it’s not unmanly that the woman makes more, it’s his insecurity about that
1) standing up against parents can be extremley hard for some people. 2) calling your sons fiance "gold digger"? Nope. Just no. The lady had a kick in her face comming. 3) prenup can be a good thing. I knew a guy with quite some bagage. He cleaned up and married a good woman - but he insisted on a prenup because of all his bagage.
That deal breaker talk should haven withing the first few dates I think.
The woman defending herself from being attacked by his family is emasculating... Oh yeah. I see a long and happy marriage there.
Honey, if I was you, I'd bug out of that relationship. Better to know now than after it's too late!
I can't get past those RED FLAGS! $100k of personal debt? Earns 1/4 but has $100k of personal debt?? Where do you think your financial future is headed as a couple?? You both seriously need to get counselling BEFORE you marry - financial AND relationship...
Honey, I hope you broke up with him. If he won't stand up to Mommy Dearest now, things will be worse after you get married. Tough s**t if he doesn't like being called a gold digger when he had no problem with you being called one!
Dan Bacon? Really? You're holding Dan Bacon out as a "relationship expert"? The "How to talk to women while they're wearing headphones" guy? Wtf, BP? Did all the staff members responsible for "doing any sort of research whatsoever" all call out sick?
Damn, if he’s already feeling emasculated over something like that, I’d be worried about marrying him in the first place. Nothing like entering a marriage where your partner is already shows that their pride is more important than being proud of your achievements.
I wonder if there is any reason to marry him at all? Apart from you are dating for a while.
CALL IT OFF!!! You are seeing what he really is now: an insecure mama's boy who won't ever stand up for his FOC to his FOO. These are huge red flags!! Seriously you are so out of his league. Call it off and get out of there. Neither he nor his family have any respect for you and that is hugely troublesome!!!
He's a weak Momma's boy and you can guess this was not a surprise to him. Better she know before marriage what she'd be getting because his mother/family would call every shot in that marriage bar none. I seen it and I have seen it destroy relationships between couples who didn't pay attention before the marriage.
Just get out of there mate, he sounds like a weak mummy's-boy, the salary difference doesn't matter but the fact he is a little wimp does.
SHE needs the prenup to protect HER from him so she doesn't end up PAYING off his debt!
I would tell mommy's boy to hit the road jack and don't come back no more....If he feels this way now and doesn't choose you over mommy then why would you want him ..he is disrespecting you and your relationship with him. Find someone that has a back bone.
First, I really do hate these one-sided, regurgitated articles. It is quite suspicious if the written above is truth or the whole truth. Anyway, putting that aside, both parties are equally at fault in this situation. The man should have talked about this clearly with his family and put some boundaries. He should have defended his partner as well. The woman, on the other hand, could have found a better solution. If they are together for so many years, she should have known him better. It is pure speculation, but perhaps he has some issues with his sibling/family. Another thing I found strange is her strong discontent toward the prenup if she really is so richer than him. It is illogical. Signing an agreement in this day and age is a common thing. It is for the safety and peace of mind of both parties. It isn't a reason to get offended about. In conclusion, both parties have some friction and perhaps there is a reason they are still not married.
I'm gonna go against the grain here. Mild YTA. Should the fiancé be more assertive with his mother? Yes. But from this interaction alone I'd say it'll take therapy for that to happen. And now he's the butt of jokes with his siblings, of *course* he's gonna be upset. I'd say it has little to do with how much you actually make (esp as it seems this was never an issue before) and more to do with his toxic family.
I would happily be a house husband...not sure why making less is emasculating.
I'd call off the wedding altogether and dump his ass tbh - not only are you getting away from some horrible in-laws, but you're also dodging the bullet of being with a guy who doesn't stand up for you, but complains when he's called a gold digger and that it "emasculated" him. (thinly veiled misogyny much?) I'd just run and find someone better.
Divorce laws in many countries have not caught up with the times, so men feel the need to protect themselves because the law doesn't. Why did she not disclose her assets earlier? Was she afraid that he was a gold digger? The relationship seems doomed to fail from the start, and both are to blame. Really there should be a frank discussion about what happens when they break up, rather than if, as it happens in about 50% of cases, and so often the man ends up handing over the family home, and the family capital, and alimony, and child allowance to his ex wife, and has to live in a shitty flat at least for a few years.
Why should she talk about finances with her in laws? That is a conversation between the couple. The MIL doesnt need to know s**t.
Load More Replies...Maybe the weak-ass beta male should have the balls to confront his mother about her calling you a thief to your face? "Emasculating" - is the word for what his mommy is doing. She's a scumbag and the apple won't fall far from that tree. Run now, while you can.
Umm, thats not at all what she said. She said his mommy keeps butting in, and he wont stand up to his mommy and defend his Lady.
Load More Replies...You are right. She shouldnt because her fiancee should have been the one to step up and defend her instead of bejng a spineless mummys boy
Load More Replies...
199
128