TikToker Explains What Men Think Women Find Attractive VS. What They Actually Find Attractive, Goes Viral With 6M Views
Interview
It’s no secret that we try to look our best not only in real life but also on social media. By sharing different places we travel, interesting things we are doing, and most importantly, the best way we look, we create a fantasy for ourselves and others that life is perfect and it couldn’t be any other way. Even though, it is an open secret that hardly anyone lives like that. There’s always been this battle between appearance and personality, and recent times showed that this battle became fiercer. It might seem that we live in a kingdom of distorting mirrors, but a recent video found on TikTok showed some interesting facts about people and how they “assess” each other.
More Info: TikTok
It seems that men and women perceive attractiveness differently, which may lead to miscommunication between the two
Image credits: Giuseppe Milo
She explained that the reason why he was less interesting when he was “super fit” is that he was giving “the male power fantasy”. That is when men look how they think that women want them to look instead of what women actually find attractive. She continued by stating that men are the ones who care about aesthetics and appearances more than females do, hence the miscommunication happens when men put a lot of effort into looking good when women don’t find this necessary.
TikTok user posed a question not knowing why he wasn’t seen as more attractive when he was more sporty
Image credits: torres.alejandro
She explained that the reason why he was less interesting when he was “super fit” is that he was giving “the male power fantasy”. That is when men look how they think that women want them to look instead of what women actually find attractive. She continued by stating that men are the ones who care about aesthetics and appearances more than females do, hence the miscommunication happens when men put a lot of effort into looking good when women don’t find this necessary.
Image credits: torres.alejandro
Bored Panda contacted the TikToker @the.claire.b***h.project and asked her a few questions on the matter. When asked whether she was surprised to see that her video got so much attention, Claire told that she didn’t expect it to become viral and explained a possible reason for this to happen. She first hesitated to post the video, but the idea that most of her followers were women made her think that females TikTok users will agree with her. By stating this, Claire touched on another important point of how being in “the bubble” with people who are interested in the same things and share the same values makes us think that everyone is like that. The girl continues to tell how she felt after the video was released and the bubble was popped: “I will be honest, it sort of made me upset because I’d previously been in a bubble on TikTok with people I liked and who are knowledgeable about the same things as me, so to suddenly have an influx of people who felt that my studies and my knowledge actually discredited me to speak on a topic made me pretty angry. It amazed me the amount of men who wrote me off simply because I had studied Gender Studies, and I think that speaks to misogyny on the internet”.
Another TikTok user gladly explained the situation by using her knowledge from gender studies, talking about “the female gaze”
Image credits: the.claire.b***h.project
So whether the key to understanding each other better lies in knowing more about concepts such as “the female gaze”? Claire explained that people misinterpreted the video by thinking that “the female gaze” is related to attraction and dating, “when really it’s about the way women see the world as a whole”. She also continued by saying that “allowing yourself to see the world through someone else’s eyes helps you gain empathy for that person, and I think a lot of men lack empathy and understanding of how women see the world”.
Image credits: the.claire.b***h.project
At the very beginning of this article, we talked about how social media changed the way we present ourselves. We asked Claire whether she thinks that social media has an impact on the whole male/female attractiveness to which she answered first explaining “the internalized male gaze” – that is when women start to “identify” with the sexualized and objectified version of themselves presented in media and also live up to the expectations of the “right” man. She notices that “with the rise of social media, this internal need to perform is happening in all genders, not just women. So in a sense, everyone now feels like they have to be aware of how they’re presented at all times.”
Image credits: the.claire.b***h.project
We were curious whether there are any tips on how to present yourself on social media knowing how it is related to the way people see each other and knowing the fact how much time we spent there creating these “portfolios” of our lives. According to Claire, this is not what is important in this case. What she agrees to is that we should stop relying on what other people expect from us. Women are not only attractive as men are not only strong. In the end, the girl stated: “I want everyone to feel free to just be themselves as they are and however that ends up presenting is the best way to present oneself”.
Image credits: the.claire.b***h.project
The post that got 946.5k likes and 19.3 shares cover a few terms that relate to gender studies. What is then “the female gaze”? It all started with a concept of “the male gaze” that was created by British feminist film theorist Laura Mulvey who stated that in cinema context women are seen by men as an object of desire. So the opposite should cover the term of the female gaze? Well not exactly. While “the male gaze” is seen as a norm, showing everything from their perspective and making them the main character, “the female gaze” depicts what women feel and experience.
It’s interesting to see how many movie plots are created according to “the male gaze”: Transformers, Iron Man 2, Suicide Squad, and many more. Not without reason, it’s said that movies reflect real life, and “the female gaze” helps to make it even more real and full of emotions.
Do you know any good real-life / movie plot examples of “the female gaze” theory? Feel free to share it in the comments down below!
You can check the full video down bellow
@the.claire.bitch.project#stitch with @torres.alejandro Female Gaze vid: @ms.eggy #genderstudies #malegaze #femalegaze #feminism #feminist #patriarchy♬ original sound – 🌈 Claire 🌈
TikTok users showed their interest in the comments while sharing their own remarks as well as experiences
Hygiene stands above it all
Netlix and… gaze?
What’s so funny about gender studies, one might ask?
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I love attractive men... But I also love a 'non--douchy' attractive man. The problem for me would not be his look as he was before. If his only picture was the one hiking, it would be great. However, he doesn't smile in the two other pictures and doesn't seem to have a good personality. Give me muscles AND personality! :-)
Yes, his facial expressions in his fit pictures makes him look unapproachable.
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Clean and well groomed is always sexy. One of the sexiest men I ever met was a coworker who really wasn't attractive in the conventional sense at all. But he was well groomed and well dressed and funny as all get out.
Mewton isn’t entirely wrong Saying most woman may be incorrect but plenty of woman prefer what mewton is describing .. I sure do .. a well groomed well dressed man is a huge turn off for me .. it comes across as high maintenance.. I want a man who can go camping and hiking with me , who will help around the house and play with our kids .. a beard is hot .. a pretty boy isnt .. to me .. now if his hygiene is bad I’m out .. brush your teeth and don’t smell bad ..
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Not to forget: The extremely muscular type of men normally spend far too much time on achieving that type of body, and then (according to myself and most females) will be less likely to spend time with his partner and children. There is a big difference between the men who spend an hour or two playing ball, or going to the gym, and those who live for their exercise regimes.
Also if they're really ripped, they're probably on a supplement regimen which includes stuff that sometimes doesn't make you a fun person to be around.
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I hate this level of generalizing. No "men", and "women" don't think that, some do. Maybe many do, but not "men", or "women". And my rant isn't the same as those whiners saying "not all men" about toxic masculinity posts, because those aren't talking about "men" they are talking about *toxic* masculinity (not all masculinity), where as this post implies *all* men subscribe to the "male power fantasy" and *all* women don't care about looks, which isn't even vaguely true. The one quality quote from this post is: “allowing yourself to see the world through someone else’s eyes helps you gain empathy for that person, and I think a lot of [people] lack empathy and understanding of how [other people] see the world”. --- edit --- Note that I'm talking about the overall article and how the message is presented, not the message itself. I shouldn't have been so confrontational with my post... but I guess that's what happens when you rant.
This is her field of study. Let's assume she knows more than most of us posting our opinions. No, it doesn't mean our opinions are worthless, IF they reflect our personal experiences and make clear that's what they're doing. But this is literally her field of study. She knows more than me on this topic, and odds are good she knows more than you too.
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Women care a LOT about how men look - but not in the super-macho way that men think. That first pic was relaxed, fit, open, friendly, gentle, and sexy. Masculine but in a played-down way. Very attractive. The other pics were harsh, preening, arrogant, closed-off, selfish-looking and self-obsessed. Not kind, not gentle, not open, not attractive. So when I go online, I tend to see two extremes: Either the cocky-looking poser guy, or a guy who looks like he put zero effort into his pics - they look worse than someone's driver's license pic, and that's saying a lot. Like the person who took the pic thinks that women are blind and don't need to be visually attracted to a man. TBH, this is more common than the cocky-looking poser guy. I don''t know why. Someone needs to tell guys to put a bit of effort into their pics. If you are in your twenties and can look good no matter the angle, lighting, clothing, expression, etc, then fine. But once you are more mature, you need to make an effort.
True, some guys think their outside doesn't matter. But maybe they shouldn't be on online dating services...
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I prefer a fit man. There, I said it. I'm a size 6 and would prefer a man's body to compliment mine. I'm not curvy, so he doesn't have to be dripping in muscles, but I'm not attracted to a dad bod or beanpole either. I just want healthy.
Dad bod doesn't necessarily equal unhealthy though. Just clarifying there. Like there are studies starting to show that being a bit chubby is not unhealthy as long as the person is active etc eats well etc and has ok muscle mass underneath. Not talking about obese. And beanpoles can be healthy too. My point is that its bad to judge people's health from their physical appearance. If you physically prefer someone that looks fit, sure. But you don't gotta be super fit to be healthy.
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Gender studies or no, I personally think the whole "female gaze" argument here is stupid. Imho, probably what's happening is stereotyping--there's a certain negative stereotype surrounding that particular kind of selfie men use, showing off muscles, staring at the phone, taking a picture of their reflection. Too many men who have turned out to be as*holes have repeatedly used this exact format and so the negative stereotype associated with that kind of image is a self-absorbed, vain jerk. It may or may not be true of this guy, but that's the impression being given off. In the hiking photo and the more "casual" one, though, he seems friendlier, and more candid images give off more approachable impressions. It's not so much that women don't care about attractiveness as they care about "does this guy give me a jerk vibe", and so a profile pic can make all the difference in how a guy comes across on social media.
The thing is there are multiple layers when it comes to attraction for both women and men: some women are attracted to the aesthetics, other women are more attracted to personalities, some men are attracted to the aesthetics, other men are attracted to the personalities as well and etc. It's just that one or two of the mentioned groups are so much louder in almost every facet: in general media, unrealistic advertisements that people want measure up with, the celebrities/Instagram models and their fans and etc so much so it gives the illusion that these particular groups unfairly represent everyone when they really shouldn't. I'm a heterosexual male who really and genuinely believes that personality does matter no matter what but the modern societies automatically assume and expect me to like the Kardashian-body type, unrealistic curves and nothing else but that for whatever reason. And let's not forget about the double standard as people tend to shame for women for having particular preferences.
It is a misconception that women don't care about aesthetics or looks. They care very much - just each in their own individual way, not some predetermined 'macho' mold that a guy has to fit into. Having said that, it is good for a guy to try and make the best of himself - dress nicely, be reasonably fit, groomed, etc. Don't need to overdo it, but it does make a difference.
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I mean... she never got to the explanation? Or it just doesn’t seem to be posted here. Either way, I kinda get what she’s saying. A guy can be hot, but nobody cares if he’s a bitch or a loser. Hotness isn’t the foot in the door for men, the way it is for women. We want more than that, and will accept a less attractive person if they have the cool factor, which makes them physically more attractive. Personally I want it all. Unnaturally smart, exceptionally good looking, ambitious, funny, all of it. I don’t think I could accept less in a partner. I think looks matter for most women, it’s just that we tie the physical attraction level in to how “cool / smart” a person is and those things can make a guy physically ugly if he’s lacking them. Rough deal if you ask me, but it’s how it goes.
Well said, I have also been in the 'wanting it all'-boat for quite some time now. I feel that people are overrating looks too much which in turn creates an unhealthy balance versus if the personality is ideal or not. In my case a person could be extremely gorgeous like Marilyn Monroe but if she's screeching and being rude toward the staff at a restaurant then there would be no second date from my end, no matter how beautiful she is. I would always aim for balance in this case, beauty and personality in harmony and consistency.
Load More Replies... The super trained and posing look is unnattractive because it makes the guy look brutal and unapproachable. I don't want to date Hulk, I want to date a person.
Right, he looked very stereotypically "hot" in those pictures but he didn't look approachable at all
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I think that this is quite sexist in consequence, as it implies that men can just look however they want and work on their personality (something which everyone has some kind of control over, in contrast to raw physical beauty that just exists or not) while still expecting their girlfriend to be pretty, because 'men just are visually wired' or something like this. Not only that the straight assumption of her that 'women don't really care that much about looks' (which is very generalising and weird coming from someone who should know better than to generalise an entire gender) is wrong, it also results in highly unfair 'attractiveness conditions' for men and women, as 'ugly' women are rather left out in the cold.
I agree - we do care. If you have a moment, read my other comments.
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Hi. Married 33 years in August. Both men and women need to do a little future thinking about the person they will marry and spend their lives with...hopefully. That "attractiveness" factor is going to change in ways you can't imagine! Let me list a few (there are many) of the things that have affected that attractiveness quotient in our 33 years together. Three pregnancies, each one a 10lb + baby delivered by c-section. Desk jobs. Cancer. Chemo. Income level. Vision changes. Gray hair. Receding hairlines. Scars. Surgeries. Sagging boobs. Bigger bellies and that trunk full of junk. I could go on but you get my point. Vanity drives us to choose a mate others will be impressed with. Others will not have to live with Prince Charming when he's 65, wearing glasses, going gray and asks you if you have denture cream on the shopping list. If you think that this can't happen to your strapping, virile man pray it does ladies. Time and gravity are not your friends.
I think the real message of this should be: Be Who You Are. Be healthy, of course, yes, but a relationship isn't about showing your body off to someone. It's about everything else there is. Be you. if nobody wants that, then ask why. You may be getting undercut by something you never imagined would matter.
I don't mean to be contrary, but if looks don't matter to women, why do women on Tinder always ask how tall I am?
Many women do care about height, but what that height is may be different from person to person. I'm not tall, so a guy who is 5'8" or 5'9" is fine. For some women, that's way too short. So it varies, but yes, height can be an issue, just like weight/figure may be an issue to men. We are biological creatures, not robots.
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I feel the same way about women. There are pretty ones and there are attractive ones. But some how the attractive ones are rarely conventionally pretty.
Thank god tiktok is here to explain things. It’s like Wikipedia without all the reading.
I'd say it's better to be athletic and healthy for your own sake than unhealthy and sporting dad bod even if some might be too insecure to be with you. BUT flexing in pictures is a no-no unless you are in a magazine. Like nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. And that times 100 gazillions. Makes you look like a douche.
Aesthetics are different than men expect, they're not absent. You want someone who is well dressed and has a reasonably toned body -- but it's not like the guy with the most expensive suit or the biggest muscles is the winner. The aesthetics extend to cleanliness and grooming. You want someone who doesn't stink, who cares for their hair and teeth and skin.
tldr: the answer might be really simple ... look at the camera Disclaimer: I'm not disagreeing with or denying anything Claire says. I think she's probably right. But I also think it's possible the answer could be really simple. In the first pic, he's looking RIGHT at the camera. In all the other pictures (but one), he's looking down or away. This is a very disinterested and disconnected pose. In one picture, he's facing the camera, but looking above and to the left of the camera, and he's further away, again, creating a feeling of emotional distance. The first picture is up close, personal, looking right into the camera, no posing, just being himself, and he comes across as interested, genuine, connected. Eye contact and proximity are SO important in human social contact. I think it's not so much about looking muscular or not, but rather just social presentation. And again: this isn't a disagreement with anything Claire said. I think she makes a point.
I agree she's book smart, But the generalizing, and using dating app pictures is not an actual representation of why and how relationships form. "this is what men think" and "this what women want" is a big red flag. If you're looking for the prefect guy or gal based on a photo, you might as well roll the die. Book educated in not the real thing when it comes to the minutia that actually makes a good relationship.
Looks matter, but in general, a woman looks at a man for clues as to what's important to him, which tells us what he's like inside.
The commenters themselves debunk the very lies this bogus scam article wants to put out.Bluepilled men still think looks,height,dicksize dont matter lmao
Wrong women care about looks even more than men….it’s the type of outfit and your pose bro.
Safety is of a different importance to women, so a non threatening man is therefore attractive.
if a have to choose on a visual basis (like tinder)i just prefer men with a cute face, sympathic looks and a bio
OK. 58 yr old married feminist chiming in here. Men and women are different, categorically. And what each finds attractive is also different, categorically. We are talking about heterosexuals here, btw. In general, men tend to be more visually stimulated than women when it comes to sexual turn ons, and their interests are frequently focused on immediate gratification. There are debates about why this is the case. But it is overwhelmingly clear that it is the case. OTOH, women tend to have a wider range criteria for sexual attractiveness which often takes into account qualities such as suitability as a father or as a long term partner. I would suggest that these differences are built in simply due to the fact that the potential consequences of sex are so different for men and women. For women the potential consequences can be 20 years long. So a woman would look for long term traits in a potential sexual partner. Thus, trying to determine personality, such as non douchy, funny, etc.
A guy who is put together is much more attractive than the guy who looks like he spends a lot of time in the gym, whining about his diet, talking about how much muscle he's gained, etc. It seems that they would be judgmental about women who aren't that obsessed about their bodies. Snuggling on the couch watching a movie or talking about anything/everything is a much more fun way to spend an evening.
I was recently on a dating site and a woman wrote this in her description: “I am a complete ***hole.” She was cute and had some other interesting things in her profile. I am not bad looking, but not a model. I was curious, so I wrote to her and asked her why she’s a complete ***hole. She never wrote me back. Can a woman tell me why she wouldn’t? And/or why a woman would even write that in their profile if they don’t want someone to comment on it?
I remember watching a video years ago, about some of the science of attraction. One study they did, found some women were drawn to certain types of men while on their period compared to what they would when not. Can’t remember the specifics though >_< Also, the man doing the video sat at a table by a group of women dressed a bit scruffy and casual. Then he went back after having made an effort, cleaned up a bit, new clothes. He wasn’t conventionally attractive but the women took far more notice the second time around because they liked he put the effort in.
Clean, kind, funny, smart. Although I like a nice butt as well as sparkling eyes!
To be fair, some women have some pretty bizarre ideas about what men find attractive too.
My brother who plays football/soccer for a lower league team (not a household name player) did an experiment after growing frustrated with online dating: his original profile got embarrassingly low levels of interest in him the pictures were just normal everyday nice smiley photos but almost the second he changed them to pictures of him in his football kit or stood infront of his car (Porsche) he became inundated with messages. I don’t believe there are any hard and fast rules of what is attractive and what isn’t “if you’re selling it someone somewhere will buy it”
Women don't care about the way a man look as much?!? Yeah try that here in Miami lol
Let's do one on what men find attractive in women. Yeah, their looks may be hot but as soon as they open their mouths and whine about being victims. Auuuuugh!
When it goes about look than beard and a belly ;) for a personality intelligent, funny nerd and he has to love animals, animals is a must. So I got myself an IT husband.
I don't like man who looks like they can kill me with their bare hands
Of course aesthetics matter to us women. Many women are insecure and fat though, so they’re intimidated by a fit man. I’m a 5’3 100 lb woman who is in better dhape than 99% of women out there so I will never go for the dad bod or guy who is fat or even a tiny bit overweight. I prefer lean men like me that are vain and keep up appearances. Extremely muscular men look fat as s**t. If you have huge biceps and you’re really big I will be turned off because you’re going to immediately look like an obese beast of a man to me. Lean men who are tall are the best. 6’0-6’3 and 160-180 lbs is ideal. If I can be 5’3 and underweight you can maintain a slim frame too
I will NEVER forget when I was in a big movie house watching "Who Framed Roger Rabbit." When Eddie Valiant asks Jessica, "What do you see in that rabbit?" And she cooly answered, "He makes me laugh." I could hear women's voices say "YES!" and every man ask "What?" And I'm sure there are still men who miss that movie line and that difference.
My husband didn't say ,"what?". He just smiled....
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A good example of a movie with the female gaze is Birds of Prey. Compare that to Suicide squad and you'll see the massive difference in portraying the female experience.
I do not give much weight to pseudo intellectuals. Regurgitating something told to you, is not knowledge or understanding. Application is the key to true understanding. Telling men that they are not attractive whilst they try their best to be attractive is nothing more than nonsense. Ask a peacock how he gets a peahen. Reaching for the unattainable is not something women foolishly employ, we are not stupid and realize flexing is to get our attention but to keep it, the flex must stop.
I think you’re just insecure and wouldn’t feel comfortable being with someone much more attractive than you are / than you believe you are. Being physically fit isn’t shallow. You knew that, but it’s kind of a defense mechanism a lot of people come up with.
Load More Replies... I love attractive men... But I also love a 'non--douchy' attractive man. The problem for me would not be his look as he was before. If his only picture was the one hiking, it would be great. However, he doesn't smile in the two other pictures and doesn't seem to have a good personality. Give me muscles AND personality! :-)
Yes, his facial expressions in his fit pictures makes him look unapproachable.
Load More Replies... Clean and well groomed is always sexy. One of the sexiest men I ever met was a coworker who really wasn't attractive in the conventional sense at all. But he was well groomed and well dressed and funny as all get out.
Mewton isn’t entirely wrong Saying most woman may be incorrect but plenty of woman prefer what mewton is describing .. I sure do .. a well groomed well dressed man is a huge turn off for me .. it comes across as high maintenance.. I want a man who can go camping and hiking with me , who will help around the house and play with our kids .. a beard is hot .. a pretty boy isnt .. to me .. now if his hygiene is bad I’m out .. brush your teeth and don’t smell bad ..
Load More Replies... Not to forget: The extremely muscular type of men normally spend far too much time on achieving that type of body, and then (according to myself and most females) will be less likely to spend time with his partner and children. There is a big difference between the men who spend an hour or two playing ball, or going to the gym, and those who live for their exercise regimes.
Also if they're really ripped, they're probably on a supplement regimen which includes stuff that sometimes doesn't make you a fun person to be around.
Load More Replies... I hate this level of generalizing. No "men", and "women" don't think that, some do. Maybe many do, but not "men", or "women". And my rant isn't the same as those whiners saying "not all men" about toxic masculinity posts, because those aren't talking about "men" they are talking about *toxic* masculinity (not all masculinity), where as this post implies *all* men subscribe to the "male power fantasy" and *all* women don't care about looks, which isn't even vaguely true. The one quality quote from this post is: “allowing yourself to see the world through someone else’s eyes helps you gain empathy for that person, and I think a lot of [people] lack empathy and understanding of how [other people] see the world”. --- edit --- Note that I'm talking about the overall article and how the message is presented, not the message itself. I shouldn't have been so confrontational with my post... but I guess that's what happens when you rant.
This is her field of study. Let's assume she knows more than most of us posting our opinions. No, it doesn't mean our opinions are worthless, IF they reflect our personal experiences and make clear that's what they're doing. But this is literally her field of study. She knows more than me on this topic, and odds are good she knows more than you too.
Load More Replies... Women care a LOT about how men look - but not in the super-macho way that men think. That first pic was relaxed, fit, open, friendly, gentle, and sexy. Masculine but in a played-down way. Very attractive. The other pics were harsh, preening, arrogant, closed-off, selfish-looking and self-obsessed. Not kind, not gentle, not open, not attractive. So when I go online, I tend to see two extremes: Either the cocky-looking poser guy, or a guy who looks like he put zero effort into his pics - they look worse than someone's driver's license pic, and that's saying a lot. Like the person who took the pic thinks that women are blind and don't need to be visually attracted to a man. TBH, this is more common than the cocky-looking poser guy. I don''t know why. Someone needs to tell guys to put a bit of effort into their pics. If you are in your twenties and can look good no matter the angle, lighting, clothing, expression, etc, then fine. But once you are more mature, you need to make an effort.
True, some guys think their outside doesn't matter. But maybe they shouldn't be on online dating services...
Load More Replies... I prefer a fit man. There, I said it. I'm a size 6 and would prefer a man's body to compliment mine. I'm not curvy, so he doesn't have to be dripping in muscles, but I'm not attracted to a dad bod or beanpole either. I just want healthy.
Dad bod doesn't necessarily equal unhealthy though. Just clarifying there. Like there are studies starting to show that being a bit chubby is not unhealthy as long as the person is active etc eats well etc and has ok muscle mass underneath. Not talking about obese. And beanpoles can be healthy too. My point is that its bad to judge people's health from their physical appearance. If you physically prefer someone that looks fit, sure. But you don't gotta be super fit to be healthy.
Load More Replies... Gender studies or no, I personally think the whole "female gaze" argument here is stupid. Imho, probably what's happening is stereotyping--there's a certain negative stereotype surrounding that particular kind of selfie men use, showing off muscles, staring at the phone, taking a picture of their reflection. Too many men who have turned out to be as*holes have repeatedly used this exact format and so the negative stereotype associated with that kind of image is a self-absorbed, vain jerk. It may or may not be true of this guy, but that's the impression being given off. In the hiking photo and the more "casual" one, though, he seems friendlier, and more candid images give off more approachable impressions. It's not so much that women don't care about attractiveness as they care about "does this guy give me a jerk vibe", and so a profile pic can make all the difference in how a guy comes across on social media.
The thing is there are multiple layers when it comes to attraction for both women and men: some women are attracted to the aesthetics, other women are more attracted to personalities, some men are attracted to the aesthetics, other men are attracted to the personalities as well and etc. It's just that one or two of the mentioned groups are so much louder in almost every facet: in general media, unrealistic advertisements that people want measure up with, the celebrities/Instagram models and their fans and etc so much so it gives the illusion that these particular groups unfairly represent everyone when they really shouldn't. I'm a heterosexual male who really and genuinely believes that personality does matter no matter what but the modern societies automatically assume and expect me to like the Kardashian-body type, unrealistic curves and nothing else but that for whatever reason. And let's not forget about the double standard as people tend to shame for women for having particular preferences.
It is a misconception that women don't care about aesthetics or looks. They care very much - just each in their own individual way, not some predetermined 'macho' mold that a guy has to fit into. Having said that, it is good for a guy to try and make the best of himself - dress nicely, be reasonably fit, groomed, etc. Don't need to overdo it, but it does make a difference.
Load More Replies... I mean... she never got to the explanation? Or it just doesn’t seem to be posted here. Either way, I kinda get what she’s saying. A guy can be hot, but nobody cares if he’s a bitch or a loser. Hotness isn’t the foot in the door for men, the way it is for women. We want more than that, and will accept a less attractive person if they have the cool factor, which makes them physically more attractive. Personally I want it all. Unnaturally smart, exceptionally good looking, ambitious, funny, all of it. I don’t think I could accept less in a partner. I think looks matter for most women, it’s just that we tie the physical attraction level in to how “cool / smart” a person is and those things can make a guy physically ugly if he’s lacking them. Rough deal if you ask me, but it’s how it goes.
Well said, I have also been in the 'wanting it all'-boat for quite some time now. I feel that people are overrating looks too much which in turn creates an unhealthy balance versus if the personality is ideal or not. In my case a person could be extremely gorgeous like Marilyn Monroe but if she's screeching and being rude toward the staff at a restaurant then there would be no second date from my end, no matter how beautiful she is. I would always aim for balance in this case, beauty and personality in harmony and consistency.
Load More Replies... The super trained and posing look is unnattractive because it makes the guy look brutal and unapproachable. I don't want to date Hulk, I want to date a person.
Right, he looked very stereotypically "hot" in those pictures but he didn't look approachable at all
Load More Replies... I think that this is quite sexist in consequence, as it implies that men can just look however they want and work on their personality (something which everyone has some kind of control over, in contrast to raw physical beauty that just exists or not) while still expecting their girlfriend to be pretty, because 'men just are visually wired' or something like this. Not only that the straight assumption of her that 'women don't really care that much about looks' (which is very generalising and weird coming from someone who should know better than to generalise an entire gender) is wrong, it also results in highly unfair 'attractiveness conditions' for men and women, as 'ugly' women are rather left out in the cold.
I agree - we do care. If you have a moment, read my other comments.
Load More Replies... Hi. Married 33 years in August. Both men and women need to do a little future thinking about the person they will marry and spend their lives with...hopefully. That "attractiveness" factor is going to change in ways you can't imagine! Let me list a few (there are many) of the things that have affected that attractiveness quotient in our 33 years together. Three pregnancies, each one a 10lb + baby delivered by c-section. Desk jobs. Cancer. Chemo. Income level. Vision changes. Gray hair. Receding hairlines. Scars. Surgeries. Sagging boobs. Bigger bellies and that trunk full of junk. I could go on but you get my point. Vanity drives us to choose a mate others will be impressed with. Others will not have to live with Prince Charming when he's 65, wearing glasses, going gray and asks you if you have denture cream on the shopping list. If you think that this can't happen to your strapping, virile man pray it does ladies. Time and gravity are not your friends.
I think the real message of this should be: Be Who You Are. Be healthy, of course, yes, but a relationship isn't about showing your body off to someone. It's about everything else there is. Be you. if nobody wants that, then ask why. You may be getting undercut by something you never imagined would matter.
I don't mean to be contrary, but if looks don't matter to women, why do women on Tinder always ask how tall I am?
Many women do care about height, but what that height is may be different from person to person. I'm not tall, so a guy who is 5'8" or 5'9" is fine. For some women, that's way too short. So it varies, but yes, height can be an issue, just like weight/figure may be an issue to men. We are biological creatures, not robots.
Load More Replies... I feel the same way about women. There are pretty ones and there are attractive ones. But some how the attractive ones are rarely conventionally pretty.
Thank god tiktok is here to explain things. It’s like Wikipedia without all the reading.
I'd say it's better to be athletic and healthy for your own sake than unhealthy and sporting dad bod even if some might be too insecure to be with you. BUT flexing in pictures is a no-no unless you are in a magazine. Like nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. And that times 100 gazillions. Makes you look like a douche.
Aesthetics are different than men expect, they're not absent. You want someone who is well dressed and has a reasonably toned body -- but it's not like the guy with the most expensive suit or the biggest muscles is the winner. The aesthetics extend to cleanliness and grooming. You want someone who doesn't stink, who cares for their hair and teeth and skin.
tldr: the answer might be really simple ... look at the camera Disclaimer: I'm not disagreeing with or denying anything Claire says. I think she's probably right. But I also think it's possible the answer could be really simple. In the first pic, he's looking RIGHT at the camera. In all the other pictures (but one), he's looking down or away. This is a very disinterested and disconnected pose. In one picture, he's facing the camera, but looking above and to the left of the camera, and he's further away, again, creating a feeling of emotional distance. The first picture is up close, personal, looking right into the camera, no posing, just being himself, and he comes across as interested, genuine, connected. Eye contact and proximity are SO important in human social contact. I think it's not so much about looking muscular or not, but rather just social presentation. And again: this isn't a disagreement with anything Claire said. I think she makes a point.
I agree she's book smart, But the generalizing, and using dating app pictures is not an actual representation of why and how relationships form. "this is what men think" and "this what women want" is a big red flag. If you're looking for the prefect guy or gal based on a photo, you might as well roll the die. Book educated in not the real thing when it comes to the minutia that actually makes a good relationship.
Looks matter, but in general, a woman looks at a man for clues as to what's important to him, which tells us what he's like inside.
The commenters themselves debunk the very lies this bogus scam article wants to put out.Bluepilled men still think looks,height,dicksize dont matter lmao
Wrong women care about looks even more than men….it’s the type of outfit and your pose bro.
Safety is of a different importance to women, so a non threatening man is therefore attractive.
if a have to choose on a visual basis (like tinder)i just prefer men with a cute face, sympathic looks and a bio
OK. 58 yr old married feminist chiming in here. Men and women are different, categorically. And what each finds attractive is also different, categorically. We are talking about heterosexuals here, btw. In general, men tend to be more visually stimulated than women when it comes to sexual turn ons, and their interests are frequently focused on immediate gratification. There are debates about why this is the case. But it is overwhelmingly clear that it is the case. OTOH, women tend to have a wider range criteria for sexual attractiveness which often takes into account qualities such as suitability as a father or as a long term partner. I would suggest that these differences are built in simply due to the fact that the potential consequences of sex are so different for men and women. For women the potential consequences can be 20 years long. So a woman would look for long term traits in a potential sexual partner. Thus, trying to determine personality, such as non douchy, funny, etc.
A guy who is put together is much more attractive than the guy who looks like he spends a lot of time in the gym, whining about his diet, talking about how much muscle he's gained, etc. It seems that they would be judgmental about women who aren't that obsessed about their bodies. Snuggling on the couch watching a movie or talking about anything/everything is a much more fun way to spend an evening.
I was recently on a dating site and a woman wrote this in her description: “I am a complete ***hole.” She was cute and had some other interesting things in her profile. I am not bad looking, but not a model. I was curious, so I wrote to her and asked her why she’s a complete ***hole. She never wrote me back. Can a woman tell me why she wouldn’t? And/or why a woman would even write that in their profile if they don’t want someone to comment on it?
I remember watching a video years ago, about some of the science of attraction. One study they did, found some women were drawn to certain types of men while on their period compared to what they would when not. Can’t remember the specifics though >_< Also, the man doing the video sat at a table by a group of women dressed a bit scruffy and casual. Then he went back after having made an effort, cleaned up a bit, new clothes. He wasn’t conventionally attractive but the women took far more notice the second time around because they liked he put the effort in.
Clean, kind, funny, smart. Although I like a nice butt as well as sparkling eyes!
To be fair, some women have some pretty bizarre ideas about what men find attractive too.
My brother who plays football/soccer for a lower league team (not a household name player) did an experiment after growing frustrated with online dating: his original profile got embarrassingly low levels of interest in him the pictures were just normal everyday nice smiley photos but almost the second he changed them to pictures of him in his football kit or stood infront of his car (Porsche) he became inundated with messages. I don’t believe there are any hard and fast rules of what is attractive and what isn’t “if you’re selling it someone somewhere will buy it”
Women don't care about the way a man look as much?!? Yeah try that here in Miami lol
Let's do one on what men find attractive in women. Yeah, their looks may be hot but as soon as they open their mouths and whine about being victims. Auuuuugh!
When it goes about look than beard and a belly ;) for a personality intelligent, funny nerd and he has to love animals, animals is a must. So I got myself an IT husband.
I don't like man who looks like they can kill me with their bare hands
Of course aesthetics matter to us women. Many women are insecure and fat though, so they’re intimidated by a fit man. I’m a 5’3 100 lb woman who is in better dhape than 99% of women out there so I will never go for the dad bod or guy who is fat or even a tiny bit overweight. I prefer lean men like me that are vain and keep up appearances. Extremely muscular men look fat as s**t. If you have huge biceps and you’re really big I will be turned off because you’re going to immediately look like an obese beast of a man to me. Lean men who are tall are the best. 6’0-6’3 and 160-180 lbs is ideal. If I can be 5’3 and underweight you can maintain a slim frame too
I will NEVER forget when I was in a big movie house watching "Who Framed Roger Rabbit." When Eddie Valiant asks Jessica, "What do you see in that rabbit?" And she cooly answered, "He makes me laugh." I could hear women's voices say "YES!" and every man ask "What?" And I'm sure there are still men who miss that movie line and that difference.
My husband didn't say ,"what?". He just smiled....
Load More Replies... A good example of a movie with the female gaze is Birds of Prey. Compare that to Suicide squad and you'll see the massive difference in portraying the female experience.
I do not give much weight to pseudo intellectuals. Regurgitating something told to you, is not knowledge or understanding. Application is the key to true understanding. Telling men that they are not attractive whilst they try their best to be attractive is nothing more than nonsense. Ask a peacock how he gets a peahen. Reaching for the unattainable is not something women foolishly employ, we are not stupid and realize flexing is to get our attention but to keep it, the flex must stop.
I think you’re just insecure and wouldn’t feel comfortable being with someone much more attractive than you are / than you believe you are. Being physically fit isn’t shallow. You knew that, but it’s kind of a defense mechanism a lot of people come up with.
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