Female Bartender ‘Tricks’ A Male Customer Who Harassed Her, Her Coworker Says ‘This Is Why Men Say Women Are Manipulative’
The aftermath of Sarah Everard’s tragic murder sparked a much-needed conversation about women’s safety and victim-blaming. And while the UK has found itself in a series of demonstrations against violence targeting women, more and more women are coming out with their alarming experiences on social media that document the sheer level of unwanted male attention, harassment, and fear they go through.
And one woman on Twitter who goes by the nickname Live Laugh Unhinged has recently shared her dreadful experience of being physically harassed by a male customer. “I used to bartend and would often be completely alone at the bar at night,” she said and proceeded to share the moment the man went as far as touching her inappropriately, which caused her lasting psychological damage.
But it was her male co-worker’s reaction to the whole ordeal that left Twitter users divided, to say the least. Let’s see the story in full right below that will surely make us pause and reflect on violence against women and the flawed ways our society sometimes deals with it.
A former bartender shared what it was like being sexually assaulted by a male customer only to be told by her male colleague she was sending the wrong message
Image credits: AntGor (not the actual photo)
This is the distressing story she shared on Twitter
Image credits: kaL12578
Image credits: kaL12578
Image credits: kaL12578
Image credits: kaL12578
Image credits: kaL12578
Image credits: kaL12578
Image credits: kaL12578
Virtually all young women in the UK have been subjected to sexual harassment, according to a survey from UN Women UK, which warns that most women have lost faith that the abuse will be dealt with. 97% of female respondents aged 18 to 24 said that they had been sexually harassed. Meanwhile, 80% of women of all ages stated they experienced sexual harassment in public spaces.
The Guardian reported that the YouGov survey, which surveyed more than 1,000 women, exposed “a damning lack of faith in the UK authorities’ desire and ability to deal with sexual harassment—96% of respondents did not report incidents, with 45% saying it would not change anything.”These included reports of women being groped, followed, and coerced into sexual activity.
Claire Barnett, the executive director of UN Women UK, called the situation “a human rights crisis,” and said that “It’s just not enough for us to keep saying ‘this is too difficult a problem for us to solve’—it needs addressing now.”
The story has resonated with many people on Twitter and this is what they had to comment on it
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Previously, Bored Panda talked to a representative of Plan International UK, which is part of the #CrimeNotCompliment campaign together with their partner Our Streets Now. They said that ordinary people that take the smallest kind of action make a real difference in fighting violence against women in public spaces.
“If anyone witnessed someone being harassed, a quick check-in afterwards, or an acknowledgment that the girl has a right to feel safe and not to be harassed, can make her feel better about her experience,” they told us.
Image credits: ozzie62367
Image credits: jirish
Image credits: merderkitten
This, of course, doesn’t mean that structural inequalities that dwell on fundamental levels of our society don’t play a role. In fact, it’s these that “allow this public sexual harassment to happen in the first place.”
According to Rose Caldwell, the CEO for Plan International: “All women and girls should feel safe in public spaces, yet they still continue to face harassment every day. They’re being followed, shouted at, touched, and groped—and it needs to stop.”
Caldwell insists that all forms of public sexual harassment should be criminalized without reservations so that women can have a life lived without fear, something we all deserve on a basic human level.
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It all makes me angry. But, that comment from merder kitten? She was so smart and so brave to get her assailant to hand her the inhaler, and to have the doc make such a bullshit comment, my god. Let's face it ,having an un-needed puff of ventolin is not in the same league as doubling up on the days insulin. What a c*unt.
That infuriated me particularly as well. What a stupid w*anker. As you say it all does. The comment where she says 'I no longer wear my hair down because he made it a point to touch it' That's because grabbing hair is a method of physical restraint as much as anything else.
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Could we change the heading of this from "hit on in a creepy way" to "sexually assaulted", please? Hitting on some one doesn't involve grabbing, or hands down pants, hair stuff. Sorry not sorry, BP, calling you out!
Support this 100%. Creepy is a euphemism. Let's be blatant. He sexually assaulted this woman and Bored Panda are not right to use language that potentially minimises the offence in any way.
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People often say the reactions are "fight or flight." It's not. It's "fight, flight, or freeze". Even if you think that you would turn into a kickpunching fighting machine if you were threatened, you don't really know until you're there. The goal is survival and escaping "unharmed" from a highly dangerous situation. She succeeded.
In full it is (with a few variations on the same theme) Fight, Flight, Freeze or Appease. She chose to appease and she made absolutely the right choice in a terrifying and difficult situation.
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You hit the assailant, they claim you attacked, you are arrested for assault/battery, they laugh. Seen it. Didn't matter what she said. HE had the boo-boo. Yes, I'm being bitter, but she ended up with a violent offense on her record, and he walked away. .... Punching him is not safe on more than one level, alas.
My guess is that if that guy had any actual experience with violence he wouldn't have said what he did. He sounds like the sort of armchair quarterback who comes in after the fact with, "WELL I WOULD HAVE BEATEN HIM UP. THESE HANDS ARE DEADLY WEAPONS!!!"
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The man who reprimanded her is assuming that a man who puts his hand in a woman's pants and forces her into his lap and grabs her by the hair can actually take no for an answer and will let go if she punches him. Punching someone is risky - they can retaliate. Keeping a potential attacker calm can allow the person escape without physical harm.
Also, he manipulated her first. Her assailants assaulted her while arrogantly telling her that she wanted it, when in reality she didn’t want it, and she didn’t want him anywhere near her. So that coworker was really beyond stupid for his thoughtless remarks.
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Men have no idea what women are going through. Most men sadly can not grasp the fact we are physically weaker and we have to be extremely careful not to anger the attacker before we have the chance to get away safely. Simple "no" sometimes is not enough.
Yep and then if you point out that you’re physically weaker, the sexists come out of the dust to say, “wHaT, i ThOuGhT wE aRe EqUaL aNd WoMeN aRe As StRoNg As MeN” 🙄🙄🤢 People are such garbage, way too often.
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Many years ago, I also found myself in a dangerous situation, being sexually assaulted by someone i believed was a friend. To get out of the situation i complied to half of his wishes, against my will. But i really felt it was the safest thing to do. Felt bad about it for years, until i realised that i had acted wisely, and saved myself from more harm. Darn, he even admitted that himself. Sometimes playing along really is the safest thing to do to avoid more harm, and that is horrible.
I was raped while babysitting and got in trouble for letting a man in the house by my parents as the neighbors saw him go in and rather than getting help told my parents I was sneaking guys in.
I would seriously struggle with forgiving my parents for that. I am so sorry for what happened to you. Even if you snuck in the entire local rugby team you should still be flaming well safe! Messed up world.
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WTF Bored Panda? Chage your title - this bar worker was sexually assaulted, not 'creepily hit on'. Stop using euphemisms to cover up a man's criminal offence.
I walked out of a job when I was a teenager because a male coworker behaved similarly. I was probably wearing a cafeteria uniform and hair up, so I was definitely not dressed provocatively. We women need to stop blaming ourselves when men do these things to us, and men need to stop with the "she asked for it" attitude. We are victim-blamed no matter what.
We should absolutely make it a standard part of education, right from primary/grade school, not touching someone without their consent. Start off with, 'Jane hugged John, but he didn't like it. Jane should have said, "is it okay for me to hug you?". Jack asked Jill if he could touch her curly hair, and she said no, so he didn't.' If someone trys to touch you in a way you don't like, say no, loudly, because no one has the right to touch you without your consent. By high school this should include subtleties like sexual harassment, how to recognise when you're creepy, and 'She is only being friendly because customer service is her job, she's not into you, and any advances/sexual remarks/touching from you will most likely be unwelcome and scary, rather than flirtatious.' If you think there's a connection there, write down your number, and give it to her as you leave - 'If you'd like get together sometime when you're not working'. And leave it at that. No pestering her.
Guys? When you read about a woman being sexually assaulted and your FIRST response is to say Not All Men, you're making a confession. You rush to defend men. A woman was physically assaulted, and you whine about men. There's a great proverb that goes, "The guilty flee where no man pursueth." Also, NAL says that MOST men are sexual predators, you do realize that, right? Plus, the way every sexual predator has a squad of fans who rush to defend him while men carry grudges or actually join the dogpile against women gives the lie to "Gee, this is awful." How many zillion times has this story been told?
Yep - like Baroness Jenny Jones, the UK peer who suggested (slightly tongue in cheek) that men should have a curfew of 6pm. They are the cause of the problem after all. Cue a massive outcry at how unfair that would be to all the good men despite the fact that women effectively end up giving themselves curfews, it's dark = avoid going out etc. Her intention was to create debate and not a genuine curfew but the whining? All those who did were missing the point by a mile.
Load More Replies... This bartender definitely did the right thing. Saying or doing anything to get physically further away from that person or situation is a good call.
How does someone think it is a smart idea to punch someone who could over power you seemingly easily? Her co-worker is a moron.
Women and men both manipulate. Everyone uses the tools they are given and to speak in cliche, for men that is body strength and intimidation and for women it is empathy and words. Why is the male way still regarded more "honest" than the female? :/
All girls/women should be taught self defence as a standard school thing .
Yet, Eddie old pal, women have a better safety record with driving to the point that insurance companies were giving them much better rates. That then got called discrimination and unfair to men 😭
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The one who needed punching is the co-worker. It takes a special kind of asshole to tell a woman who saved herself from rape or worse that she was being manipulative. Yes, let's make her harrowing story about the poor nice menz being so confused about women's signals! How dare those tricky bitches pretend to like someone in order to stay safe! What a clueless twat he was, and likely still is.
Oh no, women are manipulative. Men are muderers and rapists. I refuse to say notallmen when men start it by blaming women for men assaulting them.
If I have to be manipulative to save my own ass so be it. Btw how is waiting until a female employee is alone at night to put your hands on her NOT manipulative. He manipulated the situation because he knew he could not have gotten away with that behavior in a bar full of patrons so how about guys take notice of their own manipulative behavior. F that guy that called her manipulative what would he have done if a 300 pound inmate pulled him onto his lap?
That guy going on about manipulation is a moron. It's a matter of survival. Towards that end, you use whatever you got. In this case, she used her wits.
I went on a pizza delivery and the guy was really weird and inappropriate. He made me really nervous and when I got back to the store, I told our manager about how perverted and creepy he was and our manager made a note to not let any female drivers go to that house. Another customer was very inappropriate over the phone with our cashier and that scared my sister who was the driver. She had my aunt and I follow her to the location and wait until she was done with delivery to make sure she was safe. In these situations, the best thing that us women can do is just be polite and get the delivery over with. If we start showing that we are nervous or if we become aggressive things can go south fast.
I worked in bars and I was sexually harassed by a work colleague that lead to real fear. I never told my boss because in a former job my female boss told me to ‘get on with it’ when a male client assaulted me. I guess I lost trust that I would be believed. It’s a sick f*****g world and these days I’m beyond angry about it. Men MUST call others out. It’s the only way.
Oh, and it doesn't have to do with what you wear. It doesn't matter if you're dressed provocatively or not. I've been stalked and harassed while wearing a full-length puffer coat with the hood up and a scarf wrapped around my face. I mean honestly...you could see my eyes and that's it! Or when I was walking outside with a mask on because of COVID and a guy at a stoplight yelled at me to smile...dude? How would you even know? And the real irony was...I was smiling!
we should all be wearing masks with huge toothy grins printed on them
Load More Replies... Reminds me of an unfortunate situation that happened. Not hands in pants but hands rubbing my thighs aggressively & i tried but cant stop him. Yuck. Stranger too. Traumatised. Then i dont know why but i told my 2 former colleagues about it when we were talking about the topic of sexual assault news at the height of metoo. They, a man & woman, instantly jumped to judge me. “What were u wearing?”, “why did u not stay away...?”...i shouldnt have told them. Even sadder is that she always confided in me her personal issues, even about her trying to break up a married couple & i never once put her down.
Thats so awful, f**k that ur colleague sounds oblivious I'm sorry you didn't have someone better to confide in! To question you like that is just adding to the trauma! I hope you have someone better to talk to about what happened.
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Hold on people...you just know some male is going to come along and post that "not all men are like this. Stop the reverse misogyny" or something of the sort. Why is it that every single time an article of this sort appears, men come out of the woodwork to somehow (a) justify; (b) defend; (c) criticize or otherwise attack? Yes, we know not all men are like this. Yes, we know, some women are also guilty of sexual assault; blah, blah, blah. WAKE UP! The day when law enforcement, politicians, the media and the public stop blaming women for their own victimization and start holding men accountable for the way they view women...THEN and only then do I give a damn about what some male has to say on this subject. Stop blaming women for what men do and say.
Things like this have happened to me so often that remembering each time would be like remembering how it felt every time I brushed my teeth. If you’re a bartender, if you walk anywhere, if you live in a city, if you got to 7-eleven, if you go to college, etc, all these things are like a daily occurrence and recounting them all would take forever.
I think this situation doesn't have a perfect solution. The perfect solution would have been the coworker doing what he was doing. The problem wasn't cause by her so I dont see why she has to be the better person.
It’s so simple guys; unless a woman vocally speaks to you and invites a touch, she’s not “signaling” you to do whatever you like. She’s not interested, and (I’m sure 99.9% of women will agree) the LAST thing on her mind while at work is thinking about sex, or enticing a man to molest her. - Men fear rejection. Women fear men will kill them. I’m not sure that’s ever worked in the reverse. We don’t think like men. Fact. We think in terms of flight & survival. We’re not going to fight the guy without getting killed.. come on. It’s not rocket science. Don’t be so willingly ignorant to fact.
I've had situations like this happen, both when I was underage with young adult men and as an adult more than once at different jobs. When I've retold the story to other men, most have replied with things like, "I can tell you were the kind of girl who developed early.", "well, you are really cute", "well, maybe if you weren't so nice to people" etc. etc. And then they immediately have followed those statements up with, "I'm not victim shaming." But their reactions are straight-up victim shaming.
Classic case of knowing when to fight and when to GTFO. OP couldn't have made anything better out of this situation but she was smart to go along just enough to get away.
...um so I've accidentally been BUMPED on the boob but I don't think that counts right?
The last comment is wrong. Men do need to worry because it isn't always about sex. There's robbery or just plain murder for the heck of it. The bartender did fine to get herself out of a situation. As far as Ozzie's comment, he's wrong. If you flaunt what you have you'll get yourself in trouble. Be it flashy expensive clothes, wallet full of money or provocative clothing. You're not necessarily worried about regular men but those who have a problem and doing a criminal act. Ozzie might as well have said go ahead and show off you $100 bills from your wallet and shouldn't expect to get robbed. Quit thinking what rights you might have because it doesn't go far in the real world out on the streets or wherever.
"Decent bar owners never leave a lone female to close." See, that's a nice sentiment, and meant kindly, but we're trying to point out that that shouldn't even be an issue.
Even though I have trouble understanding social behaviour, I can tell that, even though it's good to know, what the guy said was totally at the wrong time and he should defenitely choose his words carefully. After all that, he should've supported her abd make points like that way, way later. Don't get me wrong btw, it's useful to know how your behaviour affects people but she is not to blame in this case, it's the moron who harassed her who should've used his braibs instead of his balls.
omg. I would have trashed the guy, but I'm a fight person. No. Just no. but, you do what you have to do to get away safe. No judgement for this girl, only sadness that she was victimised like this.
You did the right thing. You got him to back off, and got out safely, without him getting violent. Good job. Been there, different but the same situation. Still pisses me off, because I know I didn't "lead him on". A**hole was married. To a very nice woman. Yeah, this was a "friend ". Made sure to never go near him again. Will Always regret not reporting him.
Theoretically, punching him and having everyone support you and him hurt and cowering would be great. The reality of that? Nope. It isn't a man to man punch like her oblivious colleague thinks it should be. She very well could just piss him off and get beaten if she is not super trained in self defense. As equal as we want to be, and should be, and many people are capable of physically defending themselves, not every person is. I say people as this includes men who aren't physically strong and women perps. Men typically are stronger than women. if I was face to face with a person with a gun...I can either relate ("Life dealt you a shitty hand? I get it...") and|or "go along" (take $ from your atm and hand it over) with things to keep them calm, then do something about it when safe again, or I can run my mouth and hit the person, resulting in my death.
LOL there's no need to "punch him" or Lie. She should have just straight up said i think you got the wrong idea, stood up and walked away. I used to waitress at a pub and got hit on ALL the time. You just be honest, guys respect it, they're not all creepy monsters like everyone on the internet wants you to think.
This is why carrying a gun is a good idea. She should have shot him in the penis. Or... hear me out. Keep him at gunpoint and make him clean up the whole bar then steal his wallet, then shoot him in the penis.
Drunk, horny men, not all but a lot of them, only want to hear "YES." Yes now, yes later, yes tomorrow, yes in ten minutes... You get it. A stern "NO" does not always get you out alive. She was f*****g smart.
Load More Replies... It all makes me angry. But, that comment from merder kitten? She was so smart and so brave to get her assailant to hand her the inhaler, and to have the doc make such a bullshit comment, my god. Let's face it ,having an un-needed puff of ventolin is not in the same league as doubling up on the days insulin. What a c*unt.
That infuriated me particularly as well. What a stupid w*anker. As you say it all does. The comment where she says 'I no longer wear my hair down because he made it a point to touch it' That's because grabbing hair is a method of physical restraint as much as anything else.
Load More Replies... Could we change the heading of this from "hit on in a creepy way" to "sexually assaulted", please? Hitting on some one doesn't involve grabbing, or hands down pants, hair stuff. Sorry not sorry, BP, calling you out!
Support this 100%. Creepy is a euphemism. Let's be blatant. He sexually assaulted this woman and Bored Panda are not right to use language that potentially minimises the offence in any way.
Load More Replies... People often say the reactions are "fight or flight." It's not. It's "fight, flight, or freeze". Even if you think that you would turn into a kickpunching fighting machine if you were threatened, you don't really know until you're there. The goal is survival and escaping "unharmed" from a highly dangerous situation. She succeeded.
In full it is (with a few variations on the same theme) Fight, Flight, Freeze or Appease. She chose to appease and she made absolutely the right choice in a terrifying and difficult situation.
Load More Replies... You hit the assailant, they claim you attacked, you are arrested for assault/battery, they laugh. Seen it. Didn't matter what she said. HE had the boo-boo. Yes, I'm being bitter, but she ended up with a violent offense on her record, and he walked away. .... Punching him is not safe on more than one level, alas.
My guess is that if that guy had any actual experience with violence he wouldn't have said what he did. He sounds like the sort of armchair quarterback who comes in after the fact with, "WELL I WOULD HAVE BEATEN HIM UP. THESE HANDS ARE DEADLY WEAPONS!!!"
Load More Replies... The man who reprimanded her is assuming that a man who puts his hand in a woman's pants and forces her into his lap and grabs her by the hair can actually take no for an answer and will let go if she punches him. Punching someone is risky - they can retaliate. Keeping a potential attacker calm can allow the person escape without physical harm.
Also, he manipulated her first. Her assailants assaulted her while arrogantly telling her that she wanted it, when in reality she didn’t want it, and she didn’t want him anywhere near her. So that coworker was really beyond stupid for his thoughtless remarks.
Load More Replies... Men have no idea what women are going through. Most men sadly can not grasp the fact we are physically weaker and we have to be extremely careful not to anger the attacker before we have the chance to get away safely. Simple "no" sometimes is not enough.
Yep and then if you point out that you’re physically weaker, the sexists come out of the dust to say, “wHaT, i ThOuGhT wE aRe EqUaL aNd WoMeN aRe As StRoNg As MeN” 🙄🙄🤢 People are such garbage, way too often.
Load More Replies... Many years ago, I also found myself in a dangerous situation, being sexually assaulted by someone i believed was a friend. To get out of the situation i complied to half of his wishes, against my will. But i really felt it was the safest thing to do. Felt bad about it for years, until i realised that i had acted wisely, and saved myself from more harm. Darn, he even admitted that himself. Sometimes playing along really is the safest thing to do to avoid more harm, and that is horrible.
I was raped while babysitting and got in trouble for letting a man in the house by my parents as the neighbors saw him go in and rather than getting help told my parents I was sneaking guys in.
I would seriously struggle with forgiving my parents for that. I am so sorry for what happened to you. Even if you snuck in the entire local rugby team you should still be flaming well safe! Messed up world.
Load More Replies... WTF Bored Panda? Chage your title - this bar worker was sexually assaulted, not 'creepily hit on'. Stop using euphemisms to cover up a man's criminal offence.
I walked out of a job when I was a teenager because a male coworker behaved similarly. I was probably wearing a cafeteria uniform and hair up, so I was definitely not dressed provocatively. We women need to stop blaming ourselves when men do these things to us, and men need to stop with the "she asked for it" attitude. We are victim-blamed no matter what.
We should absolutely make it a standard part of education, right from primary/grade school, not touching someone without their consent. Start off with, 'Jane hugged John, but he didn't like it. Jane should have said, "is it okay for me to hug you?". Jack asked Jill if he could touch her curly hair, and she said no, so he didn't.' If someone trys to touch you in a way you don't like, say no, loudly, because no one has the right to touch you without your consent. By high school this should include subtleties like sexual harassment, how to recognise when you're creepy, and 'She is only being friendly because customer service is her job, she's not into you, and any advances/sexual remarks/touching from you will most likely be unwelcome and scary, rather than flirtatious.' If you think there's a connection there, write down your number, and give it to her as you leave - 'If you'd like get together sometime when you're not working'. And leave it at that. No pestering her.
Guys? When you read about a woman being sexually assaulted and your FIRST response is to say Not All Men, you're making a confession. You rush to defend men. A woman was physically assaulted, and you whine about men. There's a great proverb that goes, "The guilty flee where no man pursueth." Also, NAL says that MOST men are sexual predators, you do realize that, right? Plus, the way every sexual predator has a squad of fans who rush to defend him while men carry grudges or actually join the dogpile against women gives the lie to "Gee, this is awful." How many zillion times has this story been told?
Yep - like Baroness Jenny Jones, the UK peer who suggested (slightly tongue in cheek) that men should have a curfew of 6pm. They are the cause of the problem after all. Cue a massive outcry at how unfair that would be to all the good men despite the fact that women effectively end up giving themselves curfews, it's dark = avoid going out etc. Her intention was to create debate and not a genuine curfew but the whining? All those who did were missing the point by a mile.
Load More Replies... This bartender definitely did the right thing. Saying or doing anything to get physically further away from that person or situation is a good call.
How does someone think it is a smart idea to punch someone who could over power you seemingly easily? Her co-worker is a moron.
Women and men both manipulate. Everyone uses the tools they are given and to speak in cliche, for men that is body strength and intimidation and for women it is empathy and words. Why is the male way still regarded more "honest" than the female? :/
All girls/women should be taught self defence as a standard school thing .
Yet, Eddie old pal, women have a better safety record with driving to the point that insurance companies were giving them much better rates. That then got called discrimination and unfair to men 😭
Load More Replies... The one who needed punching is the co-worker. It takes a special kind of asshole to tell a woman who saved herself from rape or worse that she was being manipulative. Yes, let's make her harrowing story about the poor nice menz being so confused about women's signals! How dare those tricky bitches pretend to like someone in order to stay safe! What a clueless twat he was, and likely still is.
Oh no, women are manipulative. Men are muderers and rapists. I refuse to say notallmen when men start it by blaming women for men assaulting them.
If I have to be manipulative to save my own ass so be it. Btw how is waiting until a female employee is alone at night to put your hands on her NOT manipulative. He manipulated the situation because he knew he could not have gotten away with that behavior in a bar full of patrons so how about guys take notice of their own manipulative behavior. F that guy that called her manipulative what would he have done if a 300 pound inmate pulled him onto his lap?
That guy going on about manipulation is a moron. It's a matter of survival. Towards that end, you use whatever you got. In this case, she used her wits.
I went on a pizza delivery and the guy was really weird and inappropriate. He made me really nervous and when I got back to the store, I told our manager about how perverted and creepy he was and our manager made a note to not let any female drivers go to that house. Another customer was very inappropriate over the phone with our cashier and that scared my sister who was the driver. She had my aunt and I follow her to the location and wait until she was done with delivery to make sure she was safe. In these situations, the best thing that us women can do is just be polite and get the delivery over with. If we start showing that we are nervous or if we become aggressive things can go south fast.
I worked in bars and I was sexually harassed by a work colleague that lead to real fear. I never told my boss because in a former job my female boss told me to ‘get on with it’ when a male client assaulted me. I guess I lost trust that I would be believed. It’s a sick f*****g world and these days I’m beyond angry about it. Men MUST call others out. It’s the only way.
Oh, and it doesn't have to do with what you wear. It doesn't matter if you're dressed provocatively or not. I've been stalked and harassed while wearing a full-length puffer coat with the hood up and a scarf wrapped around my face. I mean honestly...you could see my eyes and that's it! Or when I was walking outside with a mask on because of COVID and a guy at a stoplight yelled at me to smile...dude? How would you even know? And the real irony was...I was smiling!
we should all be wearing masks with huge toothy grins printed on them
Load More Replies... Reminds me of an unfortunate situation that happened. Not hands in pants but hands rubbing my thighs aggressively & i tried but cant stop him. Yuck. Stranger too. Traumatised. Then i dont know why but i told my 2 former colleagues about it when we were talking about the topic of sexual assault news at the height of metoo. They, a man & woman, instantly jumped to judge me. “What were u wearing?”, “why did u not stay away...?”...i shouldnt have told them. Even sadder is that she always confided in me her personal issues, even about her trying to break up a married couple & i never once put her down.
Thats so awful, f**k that ur colleague sounds oblivious I'm sorry you didn't have someone better to confide in! To question you like that is just adding to the trauma! I hope you have someone better to talk to about what happened.
Load More Replies... Hold on people...you just know some male is going to come along and post that "not all men are like this. Stop the reverse misogyny" or something of the sort. Why is it that every single time an article of this sort appears, men come out of the woodwork to somehow (a) justify; (b) defend; (c) criticize or otherwise attack? Yes, we know not all men are like this. Yes, we know, some women are also guilty of sexual assault; blah, blah, blah. WAKE UP! The day when law enforcement, politicians, the media and the public stop blaming women for their own victimization and start holding men accountable for the way they view women...THEN and only then do I give a damn about what some male has to say on this subject. Stop blaming women for what men do and say.
Things like this have happened to me so often that remembering each time would be like remembering how it felt every time I brushed my teeth. If you’re a bartender, if you walk anywhere, if you live in a city, if you got to 7-eleven, if you go to college, etc, all these things are like a daily occurrence and recounting them all would take forever.
I think this situation doesn't have a perfect solution. The perfect solution would have been the coworker doing what he was doing. The problem wasn't cause by her so I dont see why she has to be the better person.
It’s so simple guys; unless a woman vocally speaks to you and invites a touch, she’s not “signaling” you to do whatever you like. She’s not interested, and (I’m sure 99.9% of women will agree) the LAST thing on her mind while at work is thinking about sex, or enticing a man to molest her. - Men fear rejection. Women fear men will kill them. I’m not sure that’s ever worked in the reverse. We don’t think like men. Fact. We think in terms of flight & survival. We’re not going to fight the guy without getting killed.. come on. It’s not rocket science. Don’t be so willingly ignorant to fact.
I've had situations like this happen, both when I was underage with young adult men and as an adult more than once at different jobs. When I've retold the story to other men, most have replied with things like, "I can tell you were the kind of girl who developed early.", "well, you are really cute", "well, maybe if you weren't so nice to people" etc. etc. And then they immediately have followed those statements up with, "I'm not victim shaming." But their reactions are straight-up victim shaming.
Classic case of knowing when to fight and when to GTFO. OP couldn't have made anything better out of this situation but she was smart to go along just enough to get away.
...um so I've accidentally been BUMPED on the boob but I don't think that counts right?
The last comment is wrong. Men do need to worry because it isn't always about sex. There's robbery or just plain murder for the heck of it. The bartender did fine to get herself out of a situation. As far as Ozzie's comment, he's wrong. If you flaunt what you have you'll get yourself in trouble. Be it flashy expensive clothes, wallet full of money or provocative clothing. You're not necessarily worried about regular men but those who have a problem and doing a criminal act. Ozzie might as well have said go ahead and show off you $100 bills from your wallet and shouldn't expect to get robbed. Quit thinking what rights you might have because it doesn't go far in the real world out on the streets or wherever.
"Decent bar owners never leave a lone female to close." See, that's a nice sentiment, and meant kindly, but we're trying to point out that that shouldn't even be an issue.
Even though I have trouble understanding social behaviour, I can tell that, even though it's good to know, what the guy said was totally at the wrong time and he should defenitely choose his words carefully. After all that, he should've supported her abd make points like that way, way later. Don't get me wrong btw, it's useful to know how your behaviour affects people but she is not to blame in this case, it's the moron who harassed her who should've used his braibs instead of his balls.
omg. I would have trashed the guy, but I'm a fight person. No. Just no. but, you do what you have to do to get away safe. No judgement for this girl, only sadness that she was victimised like this.
You did the right thing. You got him to back off, and got out safely, without him getting violent. Good job. Been there, different but the same situation. Still pisses me off, because I know I didn't "lead him on". A**hole was married. To a very nice woman. Yeah, this was a "friend ". Made sure to never go near him again. Will Always regret not reporting him.
Theoretically, punching him and having everyone support you and him hurt and cowering would be great. The reality of that? Nope. It isn't a man to man punch like her oblivious colleague thinks it should be. She very well could just piss him off and get beaten if she is not super trained in self defense. As equal as we want to be, and should be, and many people are capable of physically defending themselves, not every person is. I say people as this includes men who aren't physically strong and women perps. Men typically are stronger than women. if I was face to face with a person with a gun...I can either relate ("Life dealt you a shitty hand? I get it...") and|or "go along" (take $ from your atm and hand it over) with things to keep them calm, then do something about it when safe again, or I can run my mouth and hit the person, resulting in my death.
LOL there's no need to "punch him" or Lie. She should have just straight up said i think you got the wrong idea, stood up and walked away. I used to waitress at a pub and got hit on ALL the time. You just be honest, guys respect it, they're not all creepy monsters like everyone on the internet wants you to think.
This is why carrying a gun is a good idea. She should have shot him in the penis. Or... hear me out. Keep him at gunpoint and make him clean up the whole bar then steal his wallet, then shoot him in the penis.
Drunk, horny men, not all but a lot of them, only want to hear "YES." Yes now, yes later, yes tomorrow, yes in ten minutes... You get it. A stern "NO" does not always get you out alive. She was f*****g smart.
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