FBI Hostage Negotiator With 30 Years Of Experience Shares The Best Tactic To Get People To Wear Masks
Gary Noesner retired from the FBI almost two decades ago, after a 30-year career as an investigator, instructor, and negotiator. During his time there, Noesner had spent quite some time reasoning with what we would consider unreasonable people.
But when you think about it, we do too. Only not professionally. Flat earthers, homophobes, and anti-maskers; these guys are all around us. However, if we engage with them — yes, cousin Martin, I’m talking about you — our conversations get really heated really fast. And since we don’t have the communication skills that Noesner has, they usually end in swear words and rude gestures when they don’t have to.
Taking a look into the practices of a hostage negotiator could really help us to understand these people. Talk with them. Who knows, maybe even get them to reevaluate their thoughts and feelings. Let’s do that.
More info: garynoesner.com | Facebook
Image credits: garynoesner
“I retired in 2003 as the Chief of the FBI’s Crisis Negotiation Unit, Critical Incident Response Group,” Noesner told Bored Panda. “I was in charge of Operations, Instruction, and Research in all matters relating to crisis (hostage) negotiations for the FBI’s 350 field negotiators.”
The man had a full-time staff of 10 Supervisory Special Agent Hostage Negotiators who worked under him and when the bureau had a major crisis incident anywhere in the USA or overseas, they would deploy to run the negotiations. “We also provided both telephonic and physical assistance when asked for thousands of police agencies throughout the USA when they requested our input or help.”
Noesner has appeared in numerous television documentaries about hostage negotiation, terrorism, and kidnapping
Image credits: Paramount Channel
He has also written a book about his career, entitled Stalling for Time: My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator
Image credits: Gary Noesner
Noesner said there are many mistakes we can make when dealing with senseless individuals. “Arguing with the person, being overly confrontational, being insulting or demeaning, making fun of them, minimizing their concerns, failing to listen to their perspective, being rude or inattentive, being demanding and authoritative, and engaging in threats, to name a few.”
Image credits: The Welcome Conference
Beating them over the head with facts and logic won’t help too. “We have learned that people want to be listened to, to be heard and understood. They want to be respected and treated honestly. They need to have an opportunity to express their concerns, problems, and points of view.” The negotiator needs to listen and acknowledge their point of view, which can be done without either agreeing or disagreeing with them.
Image credits: pexels
“A negotiator uses Active Listening Skills to restate content (describe the issue or problem at hand driving them to act out) and reflect feelings (describing in your words how you think they feel based on what they are going through),” Noesner explained.
“This approach demonstrates to them that you are listening and understanding them. Successful negotiations are achieved by establishing a relationship of trust. The negotiator needs to demonstrate a genuine interest in helping the person in crisis resolve the incident peacefully, and not project the usual authoritative police demeanor. A caring tone and empathic approach work best.”
Image credits: Gary Noesner
It makes perfect sense. We probably all know how difficult it is to speak to someone who is angry, who feels they’re not heard or understood.
On the other hand, it’ really hard to argue with someone who is interacting with you sincerely, as if they genuinely care and choose a very non-confrontational way to listen to you.
Image credits: Gary Noesner
Noesner said there are a number of ways, or indicators, to help track whether or not negotiations are succeeding. “Obviously an increase in violent language, threats to hostages, or acts of violence would denote things are not going well.”
Image credits: wikimedia
“Conversely, a perpetrator becoming more conversant, willing to disclose personal information, voicing concern for his survival, and other indicators would denote progress is being made,” he said. “While we never give up on negotiations, we may get to the point of determining that the individual in question is highly likely to kill a hostage and/or himself. In such cases, the negotiator’s role then transitions into supporting tactical intervention, possibly setting up the perpetrator for tactical action. Around 90% of incidents are resolved peacefully through negotiations, a highly successful model.”
Image credits: pixnio
You can’t influence someone else’s behavior by simply telling them what to do. It takes effort; you have to create a respectful and trusting relationship first. But if you take your time to understand their perspective, stay calm and do it in a non-aggressive manner, you might get to them.
Image credits: wikimedia
Ok, "restate content" then "reflect feelings" with them. Keeps them calm and happy. Then how do you convince them to wear a mask??? To get them to do what they don't want to do?
I understand your concerns Jack, and I agree with you that certain individuals are not being reasonable and frustratingly inflexible in their belief. How does that make you feel? (jk BTW)
Load More Replies...With all due respect to his expertise and knowledge, but mr. Noesner oversaw one major problem : Anti-maskers are brainwashed with a never ending stream of misinformation coming from the president and his twitter account. You can't negotiate with people that refuse to listen to "libtard communist socialist propaganda to overthrow our government because all lefties suffer from TDS and hate the best president EVAH!!!". Covid-19 is no longer a pandemic, but a political war where every advice to contain the disease is just a plan to take away constitutional rights and to control the minds of the "free spirited people who won't give up their freedom for some hoax."
...with this, the loss of small businesses (which allows for more powerful entities to swoop in, pick the bones and fill the void), homelessness and other major issues. They don't necessarily think that wearing a mask does nothing or is a violation of their rights, but more often than not rather they are concerned with the huge amount of loss and human suffering resulting from this and have the opinion that it won't go away and we are creating more harm by responding in the way that we are. Are you 100% certain that they are wrong?
Load More Replies...The only problem I have with the advice given here is the time element. It will work for long sit-downs with close friends and family members, but is useless for briefer contact with someone in a grocery store, elevator, at work, on the street, or any other places we encounter anti-maskers—-who can (and will) also simply close their ears, turn their backs on us, and walk away if we try to engage them in a conversation that doesn’t confirm their own baked-in bias. The onus of enforcement in those cases is on the company management, store management, building security, or other passers by, not all of whom can be counted on to step up for what’s right.
We are not allowed to enforce, not even management. We will get fired most likely, because "Safety is more important".
Load More Replies...I bet it would be more effective if you make a mask with the American flag with a border saying "PATRIOTISM AND PROTECTION"
You can't really convince strangers with this method, but you can make headway with friends and loved ones. I've used it with loved ones, regarding face masks, and it's worked. I just hadn't realized that a hostage negotiator would agree. I was taught a long time ago, "people won't listen, without first being heard".
So true. I live in a country where we dont use masks BUT the "people wont listen without first being heard" goes with every person you will ever meet!! I work as a social worker and its so true for every client ever.... everyone got their reasons for doing what they do. If you hear those first its MUCH easier to come to a solution together... Same goes with partners etc.
Load More Replies...An entire article used essentially promote a book. This could have been a Tweet? "Want to convince someone to wear a mask? Listen and value their opinion instead of talking down to them."
Unfortunately we are not dealing with terrorists; we are dealing with trolls. Terrorists are capable of being reasoned with, since the extremity of their actions make sense to them, as well as the fact that their actions are designed to enforce negotiation. Trolls are deliberately, compulsively, premeditatedly, and recreationally anti-reason, therefore anti-negotiation. Their goal is to outlast you with a steady, marathon-length stream of narcissistic nonsense. This is their fun. The world is facing the unmasking (pun intended) of America's banality of evil.
No. Trolls do it for lulz. These people are driven by an emotionally charged issue. And so many like you can't even see the humanity in that. There's the problem!
Load More Replies...Absolutely valid expertise, very useful in many confrontational situations. Difficult to practice, needs training. Unfortunately, this only works with people with a shred of good faith, but in this instance we're talking about people who go as far as injecting bleach into their kids just to prove a point...
Not injecting, forcing them to drink MMS ( Miracle Mineral Supplement) to cure their autism.
Load More Replies...Sir I appreciate your efforts, but unfortunately people of USA have been infected by a mind controlling disease for decades: Facebook
The fact that the American Nation needs persuading speaks volumes about how gloriously self-absorbed, and downright industrial-grade stupid the Nation as a whole is.
Was putting a photo from probably the most notorious failure of hostage negotiating (Waco, TX) the best thing to put on the cover of a book about hostage negotiating?
I tell people to keep their distance away from me and put their mask better because I have sick relatives. It works likes charm every time a stupid person get into my personal space ☺️.
1. This seems better applied when talking about political conversations 2. How when you need someone to put a mask on now and conversation will cause maskless person to spread more germs?
I was waiting for the punch line....what to actually SAY to the person not wearing a face mask!!! Lol
I would love to have one very good explanation, first are the virus social "parasite" because you are wearing your mask for your protection, than you decide to have lunch, till here nothing wrong, you enter the restaurant still masked, and YEAH you take your mask off to eat and drink, SO the social virus let you in peace to enjoy your meal.......after having pay you go out and STOP, put your mask on because the virus are not social anymore...... do you see how we all are SOOOOOO stupid sheeps to believe this enormous B.S... enjoy your not freedom anymore, no hard feeling, have a great day in this zombie world.
Aside from the fact that the article did not deliver the techniques as hinted on in the Title, there is a huge difference in the American culture of 2003 and 2020
it would have been nice to get an actual suggestion on how/what to say to others regarding mask wearing.....
This article seems more about Mr. Noesner, than about dealing with people who do not wear a mask. Of what I have seen about such people, they just like the attention and enjoy pissing people off by not wearing a mask and arguing about that fact.
Does anyone have the time to 'negotiate' with random folks about their mask beliefs ?
Unfortunately, this is the worse article I have read on BP. Definitely click bait in my opinion. I work in retail in America and I get very scared and nervous when I see customers come in with no mask. They usually use the line, i have a medical issue that prevents me from wearing one. Then the whole rest of the family is not wearing one either. Or it is a big guy, where i am not even 5'4". Employees and management are not allowed to enforce, we will get fired if we try. "All about safety for everyone". I saw this article and I was truly hoping for it to teach me how to handle these situations, because I am at a loss. But this article completely bombed and gave no tips at all. Was this simply a vanity promotional piece for this man?
My dad taught me something similar when I was babysitting my siblings. “Don’t tell them what to do. Ask them nicely. Don’t make them the bad guy for disobeying, make them the good guy for obeying.” Honestly it’s useful in just about any situation. Insulting or forcing people will just make them more against whatever you want them to do. Everyone wants to touch the button that says not to. But asking nicely and framing it as a kind act will make them want to do it. Helping others make us feel better. “Why are you so loud? I’m trying to study. Kindly shut up.” “Hey, could you please be a little bit quieter? I’m really sorry, but I’m trying to study. Thanks!”
It irritates me when people do the actively listening thing. It reaks of being sneaky
I think the best way to get others to wear a mask to to wipe your brow, and ask, " Is it hot in here, or is it just me?". Then remove your own mask and start coughing like mad.
But I don't WANT to listen to what egotistical nonsense a mask-refuser wants to spew. I'm also no arguing with people who don't put saftey belts on their kids or who leave their dogs in a hot car.
Sounds like way too much work and an amazing waste of time. I'd rather have them fined.
Sorry, slightly off-topic, but reminds me of that wave of sympathy for the "simple, white rural voter that has problems, too". Every few months since the end of 2016, we're "blessed" with yet another article in some big newspaper, explaining to us that Trump-voters are not idiots or racist, we just don't understand their plight and needs. Article after article, the journalists bent over backwards to portray a compassionate hard-working electorate with problems nobody wants to see. We listened, we read their concerns, article after article. And what did we learn? They're just racist idiots, after all. Most of their problems are self-made, imaginary or the product of their voting choices and they simply refuse to learn ANYTHING. Uaaah look at me, I feel neglected, all these brown people are getting everything I can get, too, but... it doesn't feel right! But I loves me some GOPconmanBS! So, this comment is the bad example of the way a discussion should evolve, truth be damned.
Listening, critical thought and social interaction curriculum should be mandatory in schools. I'm sorry, but in today's world that would be more beneficial to a person's growth then physics or advanced biology/math, not to mention it could detect and prevent anti social and psychopathic behavior patterns. Im not talking about a class meditating and breathing deep and hippies teaching to be one with the crystal, but a honest to God curriculum based on science.
Why would anyone listen to a member of baby killer criminal George Bush staff? He is not worthy of being listened to!
So he's just ruling out holding them down and putting a plastic bag over their head?
Actually, I think we have listened and understood enough. People who actively refuse to accept logic and science ... and then they're whiny because they are ridiculed? No, this has gone far enough - just slap antimaskers hard enough they'll remember... They had their five months of karening around. I've had enough of these shitheads.
+ on top of that - there might be a case for self defense here ... a mask at least reduces the spreading and, maybe equally important, it says something about the wearer. That the wearer cares about what consequences his actions may have and he's willing to take the burden of a little discomfort to not make it worse than it already is. Now, what does THAT say about antimaskers? At best, they're careless egoists...
Load More Replies...Ok, "restate content" then "reflect feelings" with them. Keeps them calm and happy. Then how do you convince them to wear a mask??? To get them to do what they don't want to do?
I understand your concerns Jack, and I agree with you that certain individuals are not being reasonable and frustratingly inflexible in their belief. How does that make you feel? (jk BTW)
Load More Replies...With all due respect to his expertise and knowledge, but mr. Noesner oversaw one major problem : Anti-maskers are brainwashed with a never ending stream of misinformation coming from the president and his twitter account. You can't negotiate with people that refuse to listen to "libtard communist socialist propaganda to overthrow our government because all lefties suffer from TDS and hate the best president EVAH!!!". Covid-19 is no longer a pandemic, but a political war where every advice to contain the disease is just a plan to take away constitutional rights and to control the minds of the "free spirited people who won't give up their freedom for some hoax."
...with this, the loss of small businesses (which allows for more powerful entities to swoop in, pick the bones and fill the void), homelessness and other major issues. They don't necessarily think that wearing a mask does nothing or is a violation of their rights, but more often than not rather they are concerned with the huge amount of loss and human suffering resulting from this and have the opinion that it won't go away and we are creating more harm by responding in the way that we are. Are you 100% certain that they are wrong?
Load More Replies...The only problem I have with the advice given here is the time element. It will work for long sit-downs with close friends and family members, but is useless for briefer contact with someone in a grocery store, elevator, at work, on the street, or any other places we encounter anti-maskers—-who can (and will) also simply close their ears, turn their backs on us, and walk away if we try to engage them in a conversation that doesn’t confirm their own baked-in bias. The onus of enforcement in those cases is on the company management, store management, building security, or other passers by, not all of whom can be counted on to step up for what’s right.
We are not allowed to enforce, not even management. We will get fired most likely, because "Safety is more important".
Load More Replies...I bet it would be more effective if you make a mask with the American flag with a border saying "PATRIOTISM AND PROTECTION"
You can't really convince strangers with this method, but you can make headway with friends and loved ones. I've used it with loved ones, regarding face masks, and it's worked. I just hadn't realized that a hostage negotiator would agree. I was taught a long time ago, "people won't listen, without first being heard".
So true. I live in a country where we dont use masks BUT the "people wont listen without first being heard" goes with every person you will ever meet!! I work as a social worker and its so true for every client ever.... everyone got their reasons for doing what they do. If you hear those first its MUCH easier to come to a solution together... Same goes with partners etc.
Load More Replies...An entire article used essentially promote a book. This could have been a Tweet? "Want to convince someone to wear a mask? Listen and value their opinion instead of talking down to them."
Unfortunately we are not dealing with terrorists; we are dealing with trolls. Terrorists are capable of being reasoned with, since the extremity of their actions make sense to them, as well as the fact that their actions are designed to enforce negotiation. Trolls are deliberately, compulsively, premeditatedly, and recreationally anti-reason, therefore anti-negotiation. Their goal is to outlast you with a steady, marathon-length stream of narcissistic nonsense. This is their fun. The world is facing the unmasking (pun intended) of America's banality of evil.
No. Trolls do it for lulz. These people are driven by an emotionally charged issue. And so many like you can't even see the humanity in that. There's the problem!
Load More Replies...Absolutely valid expertise, very useful in many confrontational situations. Difficult to practice, needs training. Unfortunately, this only works with people with a shred of good faith, but in this instance we're talking about people who go as far as injecting bleach into their kids just to prove a point...
Not injecting, forcing them to drink MMS ( Miracle Mineral Supplement) to cure their autism.
Load More Replies...Sir I appreciate your efforts, but unfortunately people of USA have been infected by a mind controlling disease for decades: Facebook
The fact that the American Nation needs persuading speaks volumes about how gloriously self-absorbed, and downright industrial-grade stupid the Nation as a whole is.
Was putting a photo from probably the most notorious failure of hostage negotiating (Waco, TX) the best thing to put on the cover of a book about hostage negotiating?
I tell people to keep their distance away from me and put their mask better because I have sick relatives. It works likes charm every time a stupid person get into my personal space ☺️.
1. This seems better applied when talking about political conversations 2. How when you need someone to put a mask on now and conversation will cause maskless person to spread more germs?
I was waiting for the punch line....what to actually SAY to the person not wearing a face mask!!! Lol
I would love to have one very good explanation, first are the virus social "parasite" because you are wearing your mask for your protection, than you decide to have lunch, till here nothing wrong, you enter the restaurant still masked, and YEAH you take your mask off to eat and drink, SO the social virus let you in peace to enjoy your meal.......after having pay you go out and STOP, put your mask on because the virus are not social anymore...... do you see how we all are SOOOOOO stupid sheeps to believe this enormous B.S... enjoy your not freedom anymore, no hard feeling, have a great day in this zombie world.
Aside from the fact that the article did not deliver the techniques as hinted on in the Title, there is a huge difference in the American culture of 2003 and 2020
it would have been nice to get an actual suggestion on how/what to say to others regarding mask wearing.....
This article seems more about Mr. Noesner, than about dealing with people who do not wear a mask. Of what I have seen about such people, they just like the attention and enjoy pissing people off by not wearing a mask and arguing about that fact.
Does anyone have the time to 'negotiate' with random folks about their mask beliefs ?
Unfortunately, this is the worse article I have read on BP. Definitely click bait in my opinion. I work in retail in America and I get very scared and nervous when I see customers come in with no mask. They usually use the line, i have a medical issue that prevents me from wearing one. Then the whole rest of the family is not wearing one either. Or it is a big guy, where i am not even 5'4". Employees and management are not allowed to enforce, we will get fired if we try. "All about safety for everyone". I saw this article and I was truly hoping for it to teach me how to handle these situations, because I am at a loss. But this article completely bombed and gave no tips at all. Was this simply a vanity promotional piece for this man?
My dad taught me something similar when I was babysitting my siblings. “Don’t tell them what to do. Ask them nicely. Don’t make them the bad guy for disobeying, make them the good guy for obeying.” Honestly it’s useful in just about any situation. Insulting or forcing people will just make them more against whatever you want them to do. Everyone wants to touch the button that says not to. But asking nicely and framing it as a kind act will make them want to do it. Helping others make us feel better. “Why are you so loud? I’m trying to study. Kindly shut up.” “Hey, could you please be a little bit quieter? I’m really sorry, but I’m trying to study. Thanks!”
It irritates me when people do the actively listening thing. It reaks of being sneaky
I think the best way to get others to wear a mask to to wipe your brow, and ask, " Is it hot in here, or is it just me?". Then remove your own mask and start coughing like mad.
But I don't WANT to listen to what egotistical nonsense a mask-refuser wants to spew. I'm also no arguing with people who don't put saftey belts on their kids or who leave their dogs in a hot car.
Sounds like way too much work and an amazing waste of time. I'd rather have them fined.
Sorry, slightly off-topic, but reminds me of that wave of sympathy for the "simple, white rural voter that has problems, too". Every few months since the end of 2016, we're "blessed" with yet another article in some big newspaper, explaining to us that Trump-voters are not idiots or racist, we just don't understand their plight and needs. Article after article, the journalists bent over backwards to portray a compassionate hard-working electorate with problems nobody wants to see. We listened, we read their concerns, article after article. And what did we learn? They're just racist idiots, after all. Most of their problems are self-made, imaginary or the product of their voting choices and they simply refuse to learn ANYTHING. Uaaah look at me, I feel neglected, all these brown people are getting everything I can get, too, but... it doesn't feel right! But I loves me some GOPconmanBS! So, this comment is the bad example of the way a discussion should evolve, truth be damned.
Listening, critical thought and social interaction curriculum should be mandatory in schools. I'm sorry, but in today's world that would be more beneficial to a person's growth then physics or advanced biology/math, not to mention it could detect and prevent anti social and psychopathic behavior patterns. Im not talking about a class meditating and breathing deep and hippies teaching to be one with the crystal, but a honest to God curriculum based on science.
Why would anyone listen to a member of baby killer criminal George Bush staff? He is not worthy of being listened to!
So he's just ruling out holding them down and putting a plastic bag over their head?
Actually, I think we have listened and understood enough. People who actively refuse to accept logic and science ... and then they're whiny because they are ridiculed? No, this has gone far enough - just slap antimaskers hard enough they'll remember... They had their five months of karening around. I've had enough of these shitheads.
+ on top of that - there might be a case for self defense here ... a mask at least reduces the spreading and, maybe equally important, it says something about the wearer. That the wearer cares about what consequences his actions may have and he's willing to take the burden of a little discomfort to not make it worse than it already is. Now, what does THAT say about antimaskers? At best, they're careless egoists...
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