“I Really Don’t Care”: Dad Is Praised For Punishing Bully Son With Vegan Meals
“My family and friends are all calling me abusive,” a concerned dad wrote in a now-viral post on the AITA subreddit. It turns out, this is because of his unusual way of disciplining his 16-year-old son who bullied his younger sister for going vegan.
“Last year, my daughter decided to go vegan. I didn’t have any problem with this one bit,” the dad wrote. For some reason, his son took this change as an opportunity to bully his sister, and understandably, this didn’t sit well with the parents.
After one such incident, the parents felt like their son had crossed the line in mistreating his sister so they decided to punish him accordingly. That meant a newly implemented menu that made the boy just lose his mind.
Now, after being condemned by his relatives and friends, the dad wants to know if his mode of punishment wasn’t a step too far.
Recently, a dad asked if he went too far by making his son go vegan for a month as punishment after he mistreated his vegan sister
Image credits: Dan DeAlmeida (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Adrian Swancar (not the actual photo)
To find out an expert’s take on this situation, we spoke with Susan Petang, a certified life coach who runs The Quiet Zone Coaching. Susan is helping those who struggle with stress to find relief, manage their fears, and build self-confidence so they can wake up happy in the morning.
“The word ‘discipline’ means ‘to teach,’ not, ‘to punish.’ I think this was a really creative way for the man to teach his son a lot of lessons!”, Susan said.
According to her, there are many lessons to teach the young man: “Bullying and teasing others is inappropriate behavior; It’s OK for other people to have differing viewpoints from yours; Trying new things helps you learn about other people, other cultures, and other ways of life, making you a better person; Understanding why others do the things they do helps us develop compassion.”
Many people expressed their support for the dad in the comments
Flip the script here. He isn't punishing his son, he's showing solidarity with his daughter by chosing to only buy vegan for a month. He didn't tell his son he can't eat meat or dairy, he just said he won't be providing it. He's literally putting the son in the daughter's shoes "this is dinner, if it isn't acceptable to you you are welcome to prepare your own meal
Exactly. I think punishment is the wrong word to use here. And who knows - maybe trying a vegan diet for a month will end up being an interesting experience for the whole family.
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NTA. Messing with someones food is always a d**k move. OP should also consider having each teenagers prepare dinner for the family one day a week, with oversight if necessary. It sounds like the daughter can cook for herself, but the son will also really benefit from being able to cook healthy meals from scratch. My parents got us doing this from age 12, and I've always really appreciated having the confidence and experience to cook. My younger brother has used his cooking (and cookie-baking) skills to impress friends and girlfriends since he was a teenager.
While I really don't like that vegan food is used as punishment, I find it perfectly fine that the whole family goes vegan for a month. It's a cleear sign of solidarity. Teh guy is 16, for chrissake, not 6. He can stuff himself with hotdogs at a friend's place, if he needs his meat so desperately.
Having to skip meat? Pfft. There's whole religions that don't eat meat. There's people too poor to *afford* meat. Meat was, until relatively recently, a *luxury* meal item. Peasants lived on legumes and cabbage in Europe. The kid needs a reality check. He's getting it.
Good on this Dad teaching his son that any form of bullying towards women is completely unacceptable. We’re the Dad to let it go only teaches the son that it’s okay to bully women.
Any form of bullying towards AND HUMAN is completely unnaceptable.
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This is more than fair. When they eat meat products daughter has to buy and cook her own food so now the son is in the same position when they cook vegan.
The only part of this that is even in the least AH-ish is framing it as punishment. IMO, food should never be used as punishment. I don't think, though, that the way the OP handled it is wrong in any other way. Going vegan supports his daughter, and sends a message to his son at the same time. Refraining from eating meat is not going to kill him. The AHs in this story are the OP's parents and (presumably) extended family.
Big time NTA. My ultra-right wing, meat-and-potaoes, stubborn a**hole of a father respects my decision to be pescatarian and does not give me any flak for it. He is exactly the type to do so and the fact that he respects my dietary choices honestly surprised me. This father is well within his rights with this punishment. The son is a huge a**hole, not only for the prank he pulled on his sister, but claiming this is child abuse is highly laughable. I also agree with another commenter for suggesting the whole family eats vegan food a few meals per week. If the son does not want to partake in the vegan meals, then he can do what his sister has been doing for evey single meal for the past year, which is prepare his own food. He's 16, he's perfectly capable of learning how to cook for himself. I have been doing it since I was 10 years old. This kid needs a reality check and count his many blessings. It sounds like he's got a really good family structure.
NTA. You're punishing your son for bullying - it's called parenting. A balanced vegan diet meets your nutritional needs. I should know, I've been vegan since 2014 age 45 and it gave me so much energy I took up long distance running (half-marathons.)
This kid already has an issue with veganism. Who knows why, but we’ve all seen how it’s been all sorts of memes & jokes. It’s an easy way to be divisive. So, making him walk a mile in her shoes isn’t going to make him more “anti” than he already is, but it may help him relate & learn it doesn’t have to be a choice of activism or division. Withholding nutrition or forcing a person to have hunger is abusive. Giving someone food issues is abusive. This is simply modifying the diet in the home as a way to relate to and empathize with his sister. I imagine he’ll have an appreciation for how it’s not a bland l, unhealthy diet even if he goes back to meat/dairy/eggs. When my foster sister came to us we all ate what she ate for a week or so because she’s diabetic and my folks wanted all us kids to be able to empathize with her restrictions. It wasn’t a punishment, but it was definitely a wonderful way for us to learn.
Sounds like the grandparents and maybe extended family carry some mean spirited/ignorant values.
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OP's son is such an a*****e he honestly deserved a bigger punishment than that.
I mean, eating vegan is not a punishment at all. Unless he gets like plain unseasoned tofu for every meal or something...
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Well, if you're the a** here, I'm also in the club. When my son was a teen, he had few responsibilities around the house, one of them being to take the trash out. Well, every week I had to remind, cajole, urge, threaten him to take it out until..... I finally reached my breaking point. I took the trash and put it on his bed. He was outraged. After he calmed down, we discussed the issue of consequences and team work to maintain our home. And that was the end of our trash can showdowns.
Good for you. Do they know what abuse is? If you didn't give him food, that would be abuse. If you do not teach him that bullying is a no, you will be the a@$hole, and he would grow up being a bully and make life misserable for everybody. You are a great dad and your wife is also awesome
He called his grandparents saying this,when in reality they're still feeding him and giving him money to buy the meat if he wants. His daughter had to do that to get the food for herself. Tbh he is overreacting(the son not the dad) ,he's being fed,he has a choice to eat. They're using an effective punishment in my opinion
There's something much deeper going on than a dislike of vegan food. Someone needs to look into his browser history and everyone needs to get into some family therapy.
Good life lesson. I have 3 sons and no daughters, and I taught them all to cook. Maybe not gourmet, but at least something. The son needs to learn to cook anyway. NTA definitely
There were a couple of occasions, when I was growing up, where I'd ask my mother what we were having for dinner. I'd decide I didn't want what she was making, so I'd make something else for myself. She'd snap, "What, do you think I'm a short-order cook?!" "Um, no, I never said *you* had to make me something else, I said *I* was perfectly happy to make something else for myself..." Really ground her emotionally abusive gears when she didn't get to feel put-upon because I made my own food. Oh well. So I'm not even sure I'd call what OP did a "punishment." As long as Son has access to meat if he wants it, and isn't prevented from making his own meals if he wants them, the whole family going vegan for a month is hardly a "punishment."
Lol yes he is punishing his son. And justly so. The little sh!t had it coming.
I think that is a fair, and just punishment. It shows respect for his daughter and in turn will hopefully cause his son to respect his sister's wishes. Good for you dad, NTA.
Why do we have to do this repetitive AITA? This is good parenting not a damn discussion. Dads a meat eater but he will take the metaphorical bullet for someone, daughter.
You're feeding him...and probably with food that is better for him than the other c**p he's used to. He's also standing by his daughters decision. The only reason I can think of that the son is teasing his sister is that she's given the opportunity to purchase her own food with money you give her. Is the son afforded the same option or is it a "you'll eat what your mother and I are having?" My niece had the same issue. She wanted to eat a certain way (healthier) than her parents. She was never given the opportunity to have a say in what was purchased for the home. Try that with your son and see if the teasing stops.
I'd have made a big ole pot of lima beans and made him eat that for the entire week. He'd be grounded from all after school activities and his video gaming system would be sold. If he had a driver's license, I'd cut that up. If he had a car, I'd call a friend to come get it for the foreseeable future and park it in their driveway. He'd have a whole new extra list of chores to do now he had all this free time. The little schiet was being a bully. I don't tolerate bullies.
I think bullying is horrible at any age but he is old enough to know better. I think what you did is great. Mother of 5 grandmother of 8 and great grandmother of 2. Vegan won’t hurt him at all
Why is it always that the bully is being protected by bystanders and the one with common sense is being called an a-hole? Definitely NTA.
Punishment or consequences should have something to do with the crime/wrong doing. Seems like making him work in a soup kitchen or help people less fortunate would be better
Well, I think it relates well enough. The father is simply putting the son in the daughter's shoes: "you can eat whatever you want, but if it's not what we provide, then you pay for it."
Load More Replies... The fact that the daughter called her father crying(!!) about her brother supposedly tossing her food suggests to me that she's the favored "baby" of the family who can do no wrong, especially given the father's over-the-top reaction of wanting to force his son to eat nothing but rice for playing a dumb prank. It wouldn't surprise me at all if she'd been antagonizing her brother with holier-than-thou remarks about his dietary preferences; I don't buy the "gee, I don't know why he's suddenly bullying her" act on the father's part for a second. While I wouldn't say that being forced to eat vegan food qualifies as child abuse, I'd say that it's a jerk move that's guaranteed to further undermine the siblings' relationship.
Whoa, that's a lot of completely unfounded assumptions. Projection much?
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Flip the script here. He isn't punishing his son, he's showing solidarity with his daughter by chosing to only buy vegan for a month. He didn't tell his son he can't eat meat or dairy, he just said he won't be providing it. He's literally putting the son in the daughter's shoes "this is dinner, if it isn't acceptable to you you are welcome to prepare your own meal
Exactly. I think punishment is the wrong word to use here. And who knows - maybe trying a vegan diet for a month will end up being an interesting experience for the whole family.
Load More Replies... NTA. Messing with someones food is always a d**k move. OP should also consider having each teenagers prepare dinner for the family one day a week, with oversight if necessary. It sounds like the daughter can cook for herself, but the son will also really benefit from being able to cook healthy meals from scratch. My parents got us doing this from age 12, and I've always really appreciated having the confidence and experience to cook. My younger brother has used his cooking (and cookie-baking) skills to impress friends and girlfriends since he was a teenager.
While I really don't like that vegan food is used as punishment, I find it perfectly fine that the whole family goes vegan for a month. It's a cleear sign of solidarity. Teh guy is 16, for chrissake, not 6. He can stuff himself with hotdogs at a friend's place, if he needs his meat so desperately.
Having to skip meat? Pfft. There's whole religions that don't eat meat. There's people too poor to *afford* meat. Meat was, until relatively recently, a *luxury* meal item. Peasants lived on legumes and cabbage in Europe. The kid needs a reality check. He's getting it.
Good on this Dad teaching his son that any form of bullying towards women is completely unacceptable. We’re the Dad to let it go only teaches the son that it’s okay to bully women.
Any form of bullying towards AND HUMAN is completely unnaceptable.
Load More Replies... This is more than fair. When they eat meat products daughter has to buy and cook her own food so now the son is in the same position when they cook vegan.
The only part of this that is even in the least AH-ish is framing it as punishment. IMO, food should never be used as punishment. I don't think, though, that the way the OP handled it is wrong in any other way. Going vegan supports his daughter, and sends a message to his son at the same time. Refraining from eating meat is not going to kill him. The AHs in this story are the OP's parents and (presumably) extended family.
Big time NTA. My ultra-right wing, meat-and-potaoes, stubborn a**hole of a father respects my decision to be pescatarian and does not give me any flak for it. He is exactly the type to do so and the fact that he respects my dietary choices honestly surprised me. This father is well within his rights with this punishment. The son is a huge a**hole, not only for the prank he pulled on his sister, but claiming this is child abuse is highly laughable. I also agree with another commenter for suggesting the whole family eats vegan food a few meals per week. If the son does not want to partake in the vegan meals, then he can do what his sister has been doing for evey single meal for the past year, which is prepare his own food. He's 16, he's perfectly capable of learning how to cook for himself. I have been doing it since I was 10 years old. This kid needs a reality check and count his many blessings. It sounds like he's got a really good family structure.
NTA. You're punishing your son for bullying - it's called parenting. A balanced vegan diet meets your nutritional needs. I should know, I've been vegan since 2014 age 45 and it gave me so much energy I took up long distance running (half-marathons.)
This kid already has an issue with veganism. Who knows why, but we’ve all seen how it’s been all sorts of memes & jokes. It’s an easy way to be divisive. So, making him walk a mile in her shoes isn’t going to make him more “anti” than he already is, but it may help him relate & learn it doesn’t have to be a choice of activism or division. Withholding nutrition or forcing a person to have hunger is abusive. Giving someone food issues is abusive. This is simply modifying the diet in the home as a way to relate to and empathize with his sister. I imagine he’ll have an appreciation for how it’s not a bland l, unhealthy diet even if he goes back to meat/dairy/eggs. When my foster sister came to us we all ate what she ate for a week or so because she’s diabetic and my folks wanted all us kids to be able to empathize with her restrictions. It wasn’t a punishment, but it was definitely a wonderful way for us to learn.
Sounds like the grandparents and maybe extended family carry some mean spirited/ignorant values.
Load More Replies... OP's son is such an a*****e he honestly deserved a bigger punishment than that.
I mean, eating vegan is not a punishment at all. Unless he gets like plain unseasoned tofu for every meal or something...
Load More Replies... Well, if you're the a** here, I'm also in the club. When my son was a teen, he had few responsibilities around the house, one of them being to take the trash out. Well, every week I had to remind, cajole, urge, threaten him to take it out until..... I finally reached my breaking point. I took the trash and put it on his bed. He was outraged. After he calmed down, we discussed the issue of consequences and team work to maintain our home. And that was the end of our trash can showdowns.
Good for you. Do they know what abuse is? If you didn't give him food, that would be abuse. If you do not teach him that bullying is a no, you will be the a@$hole, and he would grow up being a bully and make life misserable for everybody. You are a great dad and your wife is also awesome
He called his grandparents saying this,when in reality they're still feeding him and giving him money to buy the meat if he wants. His daughter had to do that to get the food for herself. Tbh he is overreacting(the son not the dad) ,he's being fed,he has a choice to eat. They're using an effective punishment in my opinion
There's something much deeper going on than a dislike of vegan food. Someone needs to look into his browser history and everyone needs to get into some family therapy.
Good life lesson. I have 3 sons and no daughters, and I taught them all to cook. Maybe not gourmet, but at least something. The son needs to learn to cook anyway. NTA definitely
There were a couple of occasions, when I was growing up, where I'd ask my mother what we were having for dinner. I'd decide I didn't want what she was making, so I'd make something else for myself. She'd snap, "What, do you think I'm a short-order cook?!" "Um, no, I never said *you* had to make me something else, I said *I* was perfectly happy to make something else for myself..." Really ground her emotionally abusive gears when she didn't get to feel put-upon because I made my own food. Oh well. So I'm not even sure I'd call what OP did a "punishment." As long as Son has access to meat if he wants it, and isn't prevented from making his own meals if he wants them, the whole family going vegan for a month is hardly a "punishment."
Lol yes he is punishing his son. And justly so. The little sh!t had it coming.
I think that is a fair, and just punishment. It shows respect for his daughter and in turn will hopefully cause his son to respect his sister's wishes. Good for you dad, NTA.
Why do we have to do this repetitive AITA? This is good parenting not a damn discussion. Dads a meat eater but he will take the metaphorical bullet for someone, daughter.
You're feeding him...and probably with food that is better for him than the other c**p he's used to. He's also standing by his daughters decision. The only reason I can think of that the son is teasing his sister is that she's given the opportunity to purchase her own food with money you give her. Is the son afforded the same option or is it a "you'll eat what your mother and I are having?" My niece had the same issue. She wanted to eat a certain way (healthier) than her parents. She was never given the opportunity to have a say in what was purchased for the home. Try that with your son and see if the teasing stops.
I'd have made a big ole pot of lima beans and made him eat that for the entire week. He'd be grounded from all after school activities and his video gaming system would be sold. If he had a driver's license, I'd cut that up. If he had a car, I'd call a friend to come get it for the foreseeable future and park it in their driveway. He'd have a whole new extra list of chores to do now he had all this free time. The little schiet was being a bully. I don't tolerate bullies.
I think bullying is horrible at any age but he is old enough to know better. I think what you did is great. Mother of 5 grandmother of 8 and great grandmother of 2. Vegan won’t hurt him at all
Why is it always that the bully is being protected by bystanders and the one with common sense is being called an a-hole? Definitely NTA.
Punishment or consequences should have something to do with the crime/wrong doing. Seems like making him work in a soup kitchen or help people less fortunate would be better
Well, I think it relates well enough. The father is simply putting the son in the daughter's shoes: "you can eat whatever you want, but if it's not what we provide, then you pay for it."
Load More Replies... The fact that the daughter called her father crying(!!) about her brother supposedly tossing her food suggests to me that she's the favored "baby" of the family who can do no wrong, especially given the father's over-the-top reaction of wanting to force his son to eat nothing but rice for playing a dumb prank. It wouldn't surprise me at all if she'd been antagonizing her brother with holier-than-thou remarks about his dietary preferences; I don't buy the "gee, I don't know why he's suddenly bullying her" act on the father's part for a second. While I wouldn't say that being forced to eat vegan food qualifies as child abuse, I'd say that it's a jerk move that's guaranteed to further undermine the siblings' relationship.
Whoa, that's a lot of completely unfounded assumptions. Projection much?
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