Man Gets Into An Argument With His SIL After She Refused To Let His Daughter Use The Bathroom
No matter how much we love our family, sometimes it’s hard to see eye to eye on certain things. This is when some heated arguments might evolve. Or at least that’s what happened to Reddit user @Saturday-Night1139, who asked people online if he was wrong for kicking out his sister-in-law after she put a lock on the bathroom door and didn’t allow his 16-year-old daughter access because she leaves her used pads in the trash can. This sparked a discussion online, giving an opportunity for people online to share their views on the matter.
More Info: Reddit
It’s not always easy to get along with family members, but there is always a way to settle things
Image credits: Eden, Janine and Jim
The Reddit user started his story by introducing his family. The man lives with his wife and daughter from his first marriage. Together with them live his widowed sister-in-law and her two teenage boys. The man revealed that for quite some time, it was all working out.
A user online asked others whether he was wrong for asking his SIL to move out after she refused to let his daughter use the bathroom
Image credits: Saturday-Night1139
Until one day the SIL complained that the man’s daughter was leaving her used pads in the bathroom where her sons could see them. The user said that he asked her where, particularly, the daughter left them, and found out that she used the bathroom trash can. Once he heard more about the situation and realized that nothing wrong happened here, he still talked with his daughter about it.
The problem started when the man’s SIL asked his daughter not to throw away used pads in the bathroom trash can
Image credits: Saturday-Night1139
After the conversation, the man learned that his daughter in fact made sure that the trash that she was throwing away that seemed to bother the SIL and her two sons wasn’t “on display.” The girl would even wrap the pads in toilet paper. However, the SIL kept picking on the daughter and asked if maybe she could throw these things away somewhere else, but this idea seemed really ridiculous.
The man talked to his daughter and realized that his SIL was being too dramatic about this situation
The woman decided to not let the girl in as she refused to stop using the trash can to throw away her used pads
After another argument, the man decided to ask his SIL and her two kids to leave their house for harassing her daughter
Image credits: Saturday-Night1139
The situation took a further turn the next day when the father received a call from his daughter. The girl told him that once she got back from school, she couldn’t go to the bathroom as it was locked by her step-aunt, so she was forced to use their neighbor’s bathroom instead. This made the man really upset, so when he got home, he and his SIL had an argument. The woman said that she would only allow the girl to use the bathroom if she agreed to leave the used pads somewhere else, to which the daughter, of course, disagreed.
Image credits: Saturday-Night1139
The user revealed that he got mad to the point where he asked his SIL and her kids to move out, giving them 6 days to do so. His wife was against it as she knows how hard it has been for her sister who is a widow and has two kids to take care of. However, the man decided he’d rather support his daughter and his family rather than deal with his SIL’s demands.
People online were also supportive of the man’s decision to do what is best for his daughter and not for someone who is just a guest at their house. They also noticed some flaws in SIL kids’ upbringing, saying that they are at an age where they should be taught about things such as periods.
What is your opinion on this situation? Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments down below!
People online agreed with the man and his decision, stating how flawed SIL’s thinking is
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WTF did I just read? Locked a girl out of a bathroom IN HER OWN HOUSE? Because a 13 and 16 year old are 'too young' to be aware of the fact that girls have periods? Seriously? Absolutely NTA. It's not like she sticks a used pad on the damn wall, and the suggestion to throw them outside? So the boys don't go outside..? If it bothers SIL that much she should buy a Diaper Genie for the house that she has been allowed to live in.
If girls aren't too young to experience periods, boys aren't too young to at least know it exists.
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13 and 16 years old is too young to be witness of a woman having her period? Man, are those boys gonna be in for a shocker when a (girl)friend happens to be on their period around them. SIL should grow the F up and explain to those boys what a period is, and leave op's daughter pee in peace. Ffs.
They're old enough to know that women have periods, and old enough to learn how to be polite and respectful about women having periods.
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I don't think the boys have a problem with the pads. They're teenagers, they know about periods. It's the SIL who is down right crazy! If she locked my kids out of our bathroom, I'd lock her up and throw away the key.
Yes she's just using her boys as an excuse. She has no control in her life so she used this issue to gain some
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All I can think of ... as a home owner myself ... are the wife & SIL flushing their pads? Because if so they're going to have a bigger & far more expensive problem than used pads in the bathroom wastebasket. Which, wtf. I'm more weirded out by the apparent absence of pads for the other women.
No, the SIL wants the daughter to carry each and every used pad to the garbage can outside, rather than leave them in the restroom trash can! Because a girl of that age should treat her maturing body as something to be ashamed of.
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My daughter is 15, my son is 13. They share a bathroom. She puts her pads in the garbage, I'm assuming he sees them. They share a vanity that I keep fully stocked with her period stuff. He knows how biology works. It's not an issue. That woman needs therapy.
Ssshhh... what if one of the boys read BP and sees the word "blood"??
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This situation is so incredibly ridiculous. This has nothing to do with the pads and everything with being upset that the girl has moved in. Those boys have probably not said a word about any of this, sister in law is just hoping that the dad will do whatever she wants if she says it's about her sons. This girl is being shamed for something that she can't control. If it had been me ,as soon as I found out about the lock, all of her things would have been out on the street. I would try and contact her deceased husband's family and ask them to come get the boys because their mother needs a break and they need somewhere to live.
The boys' mom should be getting a job to support her kids. In this day and age there is NO excuse for a woman having to depend on the goodwill of relatives to have a roof over their head! And of course her boys should have had decent sex ed years ago -- they're both MORE than old enough to get a girl pregnant, and you know that mother will be screaming that the evil female temptress lured her innocent boys into trouble!
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Tell the daughter to not put her used sanitary products in the bathroom any more. Put them in SILs bedroom instead
I learned about periods by the time I was 10. I grew up the only male with two sisters and a mom. I'm totally fine. People who treat women's natural body functions as perverse are truly damaged people, and want to damage other people so that they can appear normal.
You reminded me of my brother. Poor guy had 3 older sisters and clueless in 8th grade (in 1975), he came to me with the question "how many periods do you have in a day?" I said , 7 like you. I let my Mom know that Dad needs to have the bird/bees conversation with son, she said he wouldn't know what to say. So I took matters into my own hands--let him know most of it. told him if he had more questions to come to me as the sister next in age was not wanting that convo. I could have squeezed him (but didn't cuz we were awkward teens) when he said very sincerely "why it's only nature". He was so ready to receive that information.
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Beggars can't be choosers. It's not her house so she has no right at all to demand anyone else there succumb to her demands. I'd want her out too.
Your SIL has mental health issues, likely from her husband dying. She needs help as her behavior is not remotely normal.
Extra context from additional comments provided down thread from the OP - the *second* his SIL moved in she acted like she owned the place and making unreasonable demands. It's got f- all to do with the pads either; it's *all* about the fact that she didn't want the daughter moving in. Full stop.
Load More Replies... Many girls start menstruating at 13, so yeah at that age her sons are certainly old enough to be told about it. Heck, when I was babysitting the neighbor kids many years ago, the youngest (about 8) came across his mother's pads while putting some clean towels under the sink, and his brother (about 16) explained to him what they were for. Shockingly neither of them were Traumatized For Life (tm) by this. SIL is being ridiculous in the extreme.
Why would a 16 year old need a babysitter? We were babysitting other kids when we were 13. We also got our periods around 11 or 12 years old, so in jr. high school. Boys knew all about periods by age 13, especially if they had a girlfriend or female friends.
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Why are the sons going into the bin, and how the HELL does the SiL not understand about the needs of a teenage girl during her period?? She changed HIS lock on HIS door of HIS house and expects sympathy? Bugger me!
I know!! I agree with all the other commenters, but also... Why would the boys even look in the trash can? Just drop your used floss in and move on with your life. No need to inspect the bin!
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If they would have bought a trashcan with a lid, SIL would have found something else to bitch about. She should f**k off.
We have a trash can in the bathroom with a lid. We had cats and one liked to pull things out and the other would chew on the trash bag🤦🏻♀️😹
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Come on, is it even possible for the man in this story to think he's the AH?
Nobody who writes these stories ever thinks they're the assholes! And I suspect they tweak the details a bit so that other people will tell them so! But with this one... if the SIL put a lock in someone else's house and kept control of the key herself, for any reason whatsoever, she's automatically the asshole. Doing it to "protect her boys" from reality is just icing on her asshole cake.
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Not allowing a child access to a bathroom is abusive. To the point child welfare services could take a child from the home.
Wrapping it in toilet paper is more than I do in my own house, and all the mom is doing, is teaching her sons that periods are dirty and shameful. She needs to get a job and her own damn place.
When I lived in Ghana, we had to put our used toilet paper in the bin next to the toilet instead of flushing it because of the bad plumbing system. For small and big businesses :D it wasn't really pleasant I would say, but it is and will stay a naturally body function you have to deal with in life
Yep, been there, done that. If you think sanitary pads in the bin are disgusting then you've never met wet or poopy toilet paper. Natural functions are what they are.
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I know of a situation where the girl would wrap her used feminine products in toilet paper and put them in the bottom of the bathroom trash. The mother's disgusting practice was to put her own used tampons right on top of the trash for all to see, and tell the other family member it was the girl was doing it. This was in the 80's and the girl was too private and reserved to discuss it, even to defend herself. She started throwing away her used product in the garbage in her own room. It's possible SIL is the one digging through the trash and the boys have nothing to do with this. SIL is abusive. It sounds like the sister and wife are causing problems so the daughter will move back with her mother. Wife should not be bitching because SIL is getting kicked out; she should be worrying about whether she deserves to remain in the household.
WTF was she going to do with them? Dear God in heaven. If she's so dainty, she can move out.
WTF does the SIL do with her own used products? Seal then in nuclear waste containers, lest her darling boys see them?
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Wait wait wait. Her boys are 13 and 16 and she thinks they're too young to have this discussion? You could have this discussion with a 3 year old and they would be fine. Just explain what a period is. Kids are smart. They'll understand. It's only when we refuse to talk about it, when we make it taboo and therefore "scary" that it's a problem. Just calmly, rationally, and like an adult, talk to the kids about it. I would say though: make it clear she is NEVER to put a lock on the door, but I'd give her another chance, if only for the sake of her kids not being homeless. Having been homeless and under the grace and generosity of family who took me in, I'd give them another chance. Just calmly set boundaries.
Putting a lock on the outside of a bathroom door, and not allowing a child entry, is abusive behaviour. Forcing a young girl to go to someone else's house to change her pad, is abusive. And it ISN'T HER HOUSE. I'm not saying the SIL has to be overly grateful, or compromise her own integrity to keep a roof over her head, but she does need to accept that she does not set the rules in the house. She deserves to be taken into consideration, as an occupant, but she has no right whatsoever to put a lock on a door that doesn't belong to her, or to deny ANYONE access to the bathroom - I'd let a total stranger into my bathroom rather than let them poop themselves, or bleed through their clothes. My daughter is 14, just started her periods, she is very open with me on the subject, and her friends know that my bathroom is fully supplied with pads and tampons. Even with my positive reinforcement, my daughter would be mortified to ask for access to someone else's loo to change her sanitary wear.
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If it's so unfair on the kids tell the wife you'll let the kids stay (I mean I doubt they're actually the ones complaining about the pads) but the dingbat sister has to go. Not her house, not her rules.
Oh, for f***s sake - women bleed! Every month! Get over it!
I don't think boys of any age need to be "sheltered" from the idea of women getting their period, but if they are sooo sensitive to seeing an occasional bloody pad in the trashcan, wouldn't a second trashcan just solve the problem? Small one right by the toilet for period stuff (like, do his wife and the boys' mother never have a period??) and another bigger one for the rest of the bathroom trash.
the daughter packs it with toilet paper. it is not bloody at all. it just looks like a chunk of toilet papr. the only problem here is the SIl who clearly has serious issues. she obviously goes through the trash and is teaching her kids to be some kind of a sociopath
Load More Replies... I also have to wonder if boys' crazy mom wants to get rid of the girl because she's at an age to "tempt" her precious, innocent boys into thinking lustful thoughts, which of course is all the girls' fault. Faugh! People like that woman are the reason teen pregnancies are going up rapidly in this country -- probably at least 2/3 of the states teach the kids NOTHING about their own bodies' biology, and the girls have no idea how they might get pregnant! They get into trouble and of course it's because they're evil seductresses!! It doesn't really have a lot to do with the period pads, I suspect -- she just wants that girl GONE. That's what I think!
Sadly, you're probably all too right. Thankfully, here in the UK, sex ed starts in primary school (from about 9yo) and I had a time-limited opportunity to opt out of it, so one can only hope that the zealots miss the window. And abortion is legal throughout the country. Paternalism and misogeny are still very much rife but progress is being made....slowly.
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I am starting to realise that it's not necessarily the fathers that don't teach boys properly how to grow up to be men, it's the mothers in many cases. The role of fathers is undervalued and mothers behaviour is often unchecked, being seen as beyond criticism. These attitudes need to change.
NTA-the SIL isn't helping her son deal with his phobia by making everyone else do things differently. If the daughter truly is wrapping pads in the trash, then it's not your family's job to coddle this kid. Especially since there's only one bathroom in the house. If SIL had her own bathroom, then she could demand that others stay out. What an entitled princess for someone you were nice enough to accommodate into your home.
this is ridiculous. that house does not belong to the SIL she does not have the right to control anything in that house she is a guest. his daughter is allowed to do as she pleases not the SIL. also 13 and 16 year old boys shouldve been taught sex ed before this point so i dont see how they r too young its probably just an excuse for the SIL but the OP is clearly smart enough to kno its a bs excuse. also his daughter wraps them up making it not visible. there is so many things the SIL could do other then getting a new lock. garbage with a lid, accept its not her house and her rules, cover it with a tissue instead of causing drama, get a diaper genie, empty the garbage before her sons use it, even get doggie poop bags u cant see thru for her to put them in then throw in the bathroom garbage. she couldve done any of those things but instead she chose to make it so if someone needs to use the bathroom they need to ask her as well as changing a lock thats not hers to change. the SIL is just psycho and deserves to b kicked out
WTF? First it isn't even her house, so what gave her the right? And as a woman what does she think periods are? The devil's blood fountain so unholy that her boys can't be in close contact with?
NTA - That SIL(ly) thing does NOT need to stay one more minute in your house, as she is clearly posing a risk to your daughter. In your house, you rule, and she has no say in it as a guest. She has clearly overstayed her welcome.
I am confused here. Are the boys actively digging through the trashcan or how would they even see what is inside? shouldnt she be concerned about that?
SIL did this to herself. She is staying in someone's home and then changes the lock on a door after the owner of the home has made it clear that the daughter is in the right and should not be made to go out of her way to throw away hygiene product because a 13 year old and 16 year old are so sheltered and immature they can't handle a natural part of life. I wouldn't argue the point, she needs to leave. Not the father's problem. I don't care if she apologizes and lets the issue go, she is attacking the daughter and making the home inhospitable. I would kick her out and never let her back into my home.
Really shouldn't be necessary? Who goes through rubbish in a bin? Apart from, apparently, nutjob SIL.
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SIL should just get a small cab with a lid. My word, this isn't the dark ages. But, grief wrecks your brain.
Cheaper than new locks, and definitely cheaper than paying for new locks and the removal of the new locks, which she had no right to install.
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WTF is she supposed to do with used pads? Wrapping them in toilet paper and putting them in the trash is exactly what I was taught to do (oh, gee - 45 years ago?). Should she slink out of the house under cover of darkness and bury them in the yard instead? The step-aunt is a f*cking whack job. NTA at all.
SIL was in the wrong and it was right to protect the daughter, but 6 days isn't much time for an unprepared family to move. It might have been more productive to work this out, with the daughter's interests the top priority, but finding some way to continue to help out the SIL and, most importantly, her kids. Working things out could have been a good life lesson.
I need a satisfactory update to this insane story...is SIL gone? please please tell me so
Easy solution here, get a trashcan with a lid. Who in their right mind would go "dumpster diving" in a bathroom trashcan any way. Lid prevents any question of what's in there, and the boys need to be told that bathroom trash in not something you go through. Father is right to be upset, and the SIL may still be overwhelmed with raising two boys alone. Everyone needs to calm down, and stop being ridiuclous
Most young lads, and I say this as a teacher of a quarter of a century, don't give a s**t and newish young adults would get away from them. Women don't owe you or your progeny anything. Move on.
These stories like this, which seem to be multiplying on Bored Panda lately, are getting weirder and weirder. I am starting to think that if there is really an A-hole in any of this , it's me for wasting my damn time reading the s**t.
She f****d around and found out. Pro tip: if someone's charity is the only thing between you and homelessness, don't disrespect them and their home. She can move in with the ex wife.
If we ignore the period stuff and the fact that this woman is a widow and the fact that her kids are 13 and 16, yet described as "young" and a bunch of those stuff, who TF changes the lock on a room in a house they are the visitor in????? If she changed the lock on the bathroom because the daughter was barging in where she was in there, she'd still be way out of line. You don't get to go into someone else's house, make your own rules and then deem yourself the gatekeeper of their property.
If not in the bin, then where? Using the phrase "outside the house, " I had visions of the daughter lobbing them out of the bathroom window. OP was 100% right.
Definitely NTA!!! Even IF your daughter was just throwing her pads in the trash can for all to see, that is YOUR house and SIL can just DEAL WITH IT! She’s got some nerve to treat your daughter in ANY negative way!! She could VERY KINDLY take your daughter in the bathroom and show her the proper way to dispose of her used pads where nobody even knows they’re there!! OR at the very least could’ve talked to her own sister about it or even the father and I MEAN KINDLY!!! That is NOT her house and she’s lucky to have a place to stay!! She should be very grateful & treat every one of you in that household with a “what can I do for you?” Kind of attitude…. NOT act as if she owns the place!!! Oh HECK NO! I would tell her sons that it’s their mother’s behavior that has caused them to have to leave and sorry not sorry!! Nobody and I mean NOBODY should ever be allowed to come into your home and treat your children any type of way other than very NICELY!!! PERIOD!
Her beloved pampered boys somehow don't seem to have been involved in the SILs argument. She's the one who is upset. She's had periods ffs. It's always best for bathroom bins to have lids on but other than that, she's an absolute Idiot. Her darlings at 13 and 16 could already have girlfriends and could have already slept with them. Periods are a part of life for Everyone. I started mine at 9, so those kids should know All about it. I simply don't get what this idiotic malicious SIL was on about. Moron 🙄
It’s weird how people are freaked out about normal bodily functions. I feel sorry for her boys.
NTA. I don't care who the person is, but if you are a guest in MY HOME, you do NOT get to make demands, or rules or interfere with anyone or anything in the home. The nerve and entitlement of some people is just off the charts.
When you live in someone else's house, the last thing you can do is make demands on how things in the house should work.
here in Mn. the school curriculum has students learning puberty/body maturity changes as early as 3rd grade. At 9 years old, start out with hair growing in places, parts growing or changing (deeper voice), The need to use deodorant, and other hygiene practices. By 5th grade the mechanics of body functions by gender. So by age 13, either/both boys know that females have a period and girls know boys experience "woodies". Yes, each gender has an issue that is uncomfortable/inconvenient in a moment or day. Should this dad get weirded out with a case of 'hormone' overload by the teenage boys? It's nature!!!
i dont even know how to describe the level of the sil's stupidity but i'll try...... the cage is locked and the wheel is turning but the hamster clearly died LONG ago
SIL is a whole woman! And she still doesn't understand a girl with a period?? Outright ridiculous
That is messed up, as a woman, the SIL should have known that complaining about pads can make a young woman embarrassed or ashamed of a perfectly natural function…even boys should be taught about this early on so as to ensure there is no stigma regarding menstruation.
I bet being homeless beats (wrapped) sanitary pads in the trash can. :)
....wow. Props to that man for giving her six days. I don't even have children, but if ANYONE would do that to MY child in MY house, I'd physically throw that person out of the house, and then call child protective services to have their children put in care. This is BEYOND unforgivable, this is just ...unreal. Please tell me this whole story is made up?
Leave the pads outside the house??? Oke... * Instructs daughter to leave the pads outside the house...on the lawn.
I would say this..people with blood phobias usually pass out when they see blood. Her son shouldn't have to see it and pass out on the toilet seat. Sometimes wrapping it in toilet paper is not enough. But the SIL could have solved the problem by say buying a separate trash can with a lid for the niece instead of investing in a lock. Maybe keeping her pads separate from the rest of the trash might be a solution. For craps sake, what does the mother of the boy do with her pads/tampons?
I hope it turn doesn't turn into another Cinderella story
These AITA, sympathy-seeking articles are bullshit on so many levels – if they are even real. What kind of people expose their private lives in public like this, desperately seeking approval and support from complete strangers?
ESH. Yes, the SIL's behaviour is insane but come on, you don't kick someone out of a house over such a stupid argument. I suspect the is are different reason behind this argument because you don't kick a family of three out of a house because of one fight.
You'd be surprised what people are like. My mother makes sure I'm the one to empty the bathroom bin because 'your father shouldn't have to deal with your pads'.
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Will you f**k off? Please? You're ruining my enjoyment of reading about stupid people
Load More Replies... Not sure what else was going to work though. The SIL thinks she can dictate what the daughter does in her own house, seems she needs reminding that she actually has zero power there.
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WTF did I just read? Locked a girl out of a bathroom IN HER OWN HOUSE? Because a 13 and 16 year old are 'too young' to be aware of the fact that girls have periods? Seriously? Absolutely NTA. It's not like she sticks a used pad on the damn wall, and the suggestion to throw them outside? So the boys don't go outside..? If it bothers SIL that much she should buy a Diaper Genie for the house that she has been allowed to live in.
If girls aren't too young to experience periods, boys aren't too young to at least know it exists.
Load More Replies... 13 and 16 years old is too young to be witness of a woman having her period? Man, are those boys gonna be in for a shocker when a (girl)friend happens to be on their period around them. SIL should grow the F up and explain to those boys what a period is, and leave op's daughter pee in peace. Ffs.
They're old enough to know that women have periods, and old enough to learn how to be polite and respectful about women having periods.
Load More Replies... I don't think the boys have a problem with the pads. They're teenagers, they know about periods. It's the SIL who is down right crazy! If she locked my kids out of our bathroom, I'd lock her up and throw away the key.
Yes she's just using her boys as an excuse. She has no control in her life so she used this issue to gain some
Load More Replies... All I can think of ... as a home owner myself ... are the wife & SIL flushing their pads? Because if so they're going to have a bigger & far more expensive problem than used pads in the bathroom wastebasket. Which, wtf. I'm more weirded out by the apparent absence of pads for the other women.
No, the SIL wants the daughter to carry each and every used pad to the garbage can outside, rather than leave them in the restroom trash can! Because a girl of that age should treat her maturing body as something to be ashamed of.
Load More Replies... My daughter is 15, my son is 13. They share a bathroom. She puts her pads in the garbage, I'm assuming he sees them. They share a vanity that I keep fully stocked with her period stuff. He knows how biology works. It's not an issue. That woman needs therapy.
Ssshhh... what if one of the boys read BP and sees the word "blood"??
Load More Replies... This situation is so incredibly ridiculous. This has nothing to do with the pads and everything with being upset that the girl has moved in. Those boys have probably not said a word about any of this, sister in law is just hoping that the dad will do whatever she wants if she says it's about her sons. This girl is being shamed for something that she can't control. If it had been me ,as soon as I found out about the lock, all of her things would have been out on the street. I would try and contact her deceased husband's family and ask them to come get the boys because their mother needs a break and they need somewhere to live.
The boys' mom should be getting a job to support her kids. In this day and age there is NO excuse for a woman having to depend on the goodwill of relatives to have a roof over their head! And of course her boys should have had decent sex ed years ago -- they're both MORE than old enough to get a girl pregnant, and you know that mother will be screaming that the evil female temptress lured her innocent boys into trouble!
Load More Replies... Tell the daughter to not put her used sanitary products in the bathroom any more. Put them in SILs bedroom instead
I learned about periods by the time I was 10. I grew up the only male with two sisters and a mom. I'm totally fine. People who treat women's natural body functions as perverse are truly damaged people, and want to damage other people so that they can appear normal.
You reminded me of my brother. Poor guy had 3 older sisters and clueless in 8th grade (in 1975), he came to me with the question "how many periods do you have in a day?" I said , 7 like you. I let my Mom know that Dad needs to have the bird/bees conversation with son, she said he wouldn't know what to say. So I took matters into my own hands--let him know most of it. told him if he had more questions to come to me as the sister next in age was not wanting that convo. I could have squeezed him (but didn't cuz we were awkward teens) when he said very sincerely "why it's only nature". He was so ready to receive that information.
Load More Replies... Beggars can't be choosers. It's not her house so she has no right at all to demand anyone else there succumb to her demands. I'd want her out too.
Your SIL has mental health issues, likely from her husband dying. She needs help as her behavior is not remotely normal.
Extra context from additional comments provided down thread from the OP - the *second* his SIL moved in she acted like she owned the place and making unreasonable demands. It's got f- all to do with the pads either; it's *all* about the fact that she didn't want the daughter moving in. Full stop.
Load More Replies... Many girls start menstruating at 13, so yeah at that age her sons are certainly old enough to be told about it. Heck, when I was babysitting the neighbor kids many years ago, the youngest (about 8) came across his mother's pads while putting some clean towels under the sink, and his brother (about 16) explained to him what they were for. Shockingly neither of them were Traumatized For Life (tm) by this. SIL is being ridiculous in the extreme.
Why would a 16 year old need a babysitter? We were babysitting other kids when we were 13. We also got our periods around 11 or 12 years old, so in jr. high school. Boys knew all about periods by age 13, especially if they had a girlfriend or female friends.
Load More Replies... Why are the sons going into the bin, and how the HELL does the SiL not understand about the needs of a teenage girl during her period?? She changed HIS lock on HIS door of HIS house and expects sympathy? Bugger me!
I know!! I agree with all the other commenters, but also... Why would the boys even look in the trash can? Just drop your used floss in and move on with your life. No need to inspect the bin!
Load More Replies... If they would have bought a trashcan with a lid, SIL would have found something else to bitch about. She should f**k off.
We have a trash can in the bathroom with a lid. We had cats and one liked to pull things out and the other would chew on the trash bag🤦🏻♀️😹
Load More Replies... Come on, is it even possible for the man in this story to think he's the AH?
Nobody who writes these stories ever thinks they're the assholes! And I suspect they tweak the details a bit so that other people will tell them so! But with this one... if the SIL put a lock in someone else's house and kept control of the key herself, for any reason whatsoever, she's automatically the asshole. Doing it to "protect her boys" from reality is just icing on her asshole cake.
Load More Replies... Not allowing a child access to a bathroom is abusive. To the point child welfare services could take a child from the home.
Wrapping it in toilet paper is more than I do in my own house, and all the mom is doing, is teaching her sons that periods are dirty and shameful. She needs to get a job and her own damn place.
When I lived in Ghana, we had to put our used toilet paper in the bin next to the toilet instead of flushing it because of the bad plumbing system. For small and big businesses :D it wasn't really pleasant I would say, but it is and will stay a naturally body function you have to deal with in life
Yep, been there, done that. If you think sanitary pads in the bin are disgusting then you've never met wet or poopy toilet paper. Natural functions are what they are.
Load More Replies... I know of a situation where the girl would wrap her used feminine products in toilet paper and put them in the bottom of the bathroom trash. The mother's disgusting practice was to put her own used tampons right on top of the trash for all to see, and tell the other family member it was the girl was doing it. This was in the 80's and the girl was too private and reserved to discuss it, even to defend herself. She started throwing away her used product in the garbage in her own room. It's possible SIL is the one digging through the trash and the boys have nothing to do with this. SIL is abusive. It sounds like the sister and wife are causing problems so the daughter will move back with her mother. Wife should not be bitching because SIL is getting kicked out; she should be worrying about whether she deserves to remain in the household.
WTF was she going to do with them? Dear God in heaven. If she's so dainty, she can move out.
WTF does the SIL do with her own used products? Seal then in nuclear waste containers, lest her darling boys see them?
Load More Replies... Wait wait wait. Her boys are 13 and 16 and she thinks they're too young to have this discussion? You could have this discussion with a 3 year old and they would be fine. Just explain what a period is. Kids are smart. They'll understand. It's only when we refuse to talk about it, when we make it taboo and therefore "scary" that it's a problem. Just calmly, rationally, and like an adult, talk to the kids about it. I would say though: make it clear she is NEVER to put a lock on the door, but I'd give her another chance, if only for the sake of her kids not being homeless. Having been homeless and under the grace and generosity of family who took me in, I'd give them another chance. Just calmly set boundaries.
Putting a lock on the outside of a bathroom door, and not allowing a child entry, is abusive behaviour. Forcing a young girl to go to someone else's house to change her pad, is abusive. And it ISN'T HER HOUSE. I'm not saying the SIL has to be overly grateful, or compromise her own integrity to keep a roof over her head, but she does need to accept that she does not set the rules in the house. She deserves to be taken into consideration, as an occupant, but she has no right whatsoever to put a lock on a door that doesn't belong to her, or to deny ANYONE access to the bathroom - I'd let a total stranger into my bathroom rather than let them poop themselves, or bleed through their clothes. My daughter is 14, just started her periods, she is very open with me on the subject, and her friends know that my bathroom is fully supplied with pads and tampons. Even with my positive reinforcement, my daughter would be mortified to ask for access to someone else's loo to change her sanitary wear.
Load More Replies... If it's so unfair on the kids tell the wife you'll let the kids stay (I mean I doubt they're actually the ones complaining about the pads) but the dingbat sister has to go. Not her house, not her rules.
Oh, for f***s sake - women bleed! Every month! Get over it!
I don't think boys of any age need to be "sheltered" from the idea of women getting their period, but if they are sooo sensitive to seeing an occasional bloody pad in the trashcan, wouldn't a second trashcan just solve the problem? Small one right by the toilet for period stuff (like, do his wife and the boys' mother never have a period??) and another bigger one for the rest of the bathroom trash.
the daughter packs it with toilet paper. it is not bloody at all. it just looks like a chunk of toilet papr. the only problem here is the SIl who clearly has serious issues. she obviously goes through the trash and is teaching her kids to be some kind of a sociopath
Load More Replies... I also have to wonder if boys' crazy mom wants to get rid of the girl because she's at an age to "tempt" her precious, innocent boys into thinking lustful thoughts, which of course is all the girls' fault. Faugh! People like that woman are the reason teen pregnancies are going up rapidly in this country -- probably at least 2/3 of the states teach the kids NOTHING about their own bodies' biology, and the girls have no idea how they might get pregnant! They get into trouble and of course it's because they're evil seductresses!! It doesn't really have a lot to do with the period pads, I suspect -- she just wants that girl GONE. That's what I think!
Sadly, you're probably all too right. Thankfully, here in the UK, sex ed starts in primary school (from about 9yo) and I had a time-limited opportunity to opt out of it, so one can only hope that the zealots miss the window. And abortion is legal throughout the country. Paternalism and misogeny are still very much rife but progress is being made....slowly.
Load More Replies... I am starting to realise that it's not necessarily the fathers that don't teach boys properly how to grow up to be men, it's the mothers in many cases. The role of fathers is undervalued and mothers behaviour is often unchecked, being seen as beyond criticism. These attitudes need to change.
NTA-the SIL isn't helping her son deal with his phobia by making everyone else do things differently. If the daughter truly is wrapping pads in the trash, then it's not your family's job to coddle this kid. Especially since there's only one bathroom in the house. If SIL had her own bathroom, then she could demand that others stay out. What an entitled princess for someone you were nice enough to accommodate into your home.
this is ridiculous. that house does not belong to the SIL she does not have the right to control anything in that house she is a guest. his daughter is allowed to do as she pleases not the SIL. also 13 and 16 year old boys shouldve been taught sex ed before this point so i dont see how they r too young its probably just an excuse for the SIL but the OP is clearly smart enough to kno its a bs excuse. also his daughter wraps them up making it not visible. there is so many things the SIL could do other then getting a new lock. garbage with a lid, accept its not her house and her rules, cover it with a tissue instead of causing drama, get a diaper genie, empty the garbage before her sons use it, even get doggie poop bags u cant see thru for her to put them in then throw in the bathroom garbage. she couldve done any of those things but instead she chose to make it so if someone needs to use the bathroom they need to ask her as well as changing a lock thats not hers to change. the SIL is just psycho and deserves to b kicked out
WTF? First it isn't even her house, so what gave her the right? And as a woman what does she think periods are? The devil's blood fountain so unholy that her boys can't be in close contact with?
NTA - That SIL(ly) thing does NOT need to stay one more minute in your house, as she is clearly posing a risk to your daughter. In your house, you rule, and she has no say in it as a guest. She has clearly overstayed her welcome.
I am confused here. Are the boys actively digging through the trashcan or how would they even see what is inside? shouldnt she be concerned about that?
SIL did this to herself. She is staying in someone's home and then changes the lock on a door after the owner of the home has made it clear that the daughter is in the right and should not be made to go out of her way to throw away hygiene product because a 13 year old and 16 year old are so sheltered and immature they can't handle a natural part of life. I wouldn't argue the point, she needs to leave. Not the father's problem. I don't care if she apologizes and lets the issue go, she is attacking the daughter and making the home inhospitable. I would kick her out and never let her back into my home.
Really shouldn't be necessary? Who goes through rubbish in a bin? Apart from, apparently, nutjob SIL.
Load More Replies... SIL should just get a small cab with a lid. My word, this isn't the dark ages. But, grief wrecks your brain.
Cheaper than new locks, and definitely cheaper than paying for new locks and the removal of the new locks, which she had no right to install.
Load More Replies... WTF is she supposed to do with used pads? Wrapping them in toilet paper and putting them in the trash is exactly what I was taught to do (oh, gee - 45 years ago?). Should she slink out of the house under cover of darkness and bury them in the yard instead? The step-aunt is a f*cking whack job. NTA at all.
SIL was in the wrong and it was right to protect the daughter, but 6 days isn't much time for an unprepared family to move. It might have been more productive to work this out, with the daughter's interests the top priority, but finding some way to continue to help out the SIL and, most importantly, her kids. Working things out could have been a good life lesson.
I need a satisfactory update to this insane story...is SIL gone? please please tell me so
Easy solution here, get a trashcan with a lid. Who in their right mind would go "dumpster diving" in a bathroom trashcan any way. Lid prevents any question of what's in there, and the boys need to be told that bathroom trash in not something you go through. Father is right to be upset, and the SIL may still be overwhelmed with raising two boys alone. Everyone needs to calm down, and stop being ridiuclous
Most young lads, and I say this as a teacher of a quarter of a century, don't give a s**t and newish young adults would get away from them. Women don't owe you or your progeny anything. Move on.
These stories like this, which seem to be multiplying on Bored Panda lately, are getting weirder and weirder. I am starting to think that if there is really an A-hole in any of this , it's me for wasting my damn time reading the s**t.
She f****d around and found out. Pro tip: if someone's charity is the only thing between you and homelessness, don't disrespect them and their home. She can move in with the ex wife.
If we ignore the period stuff and the fact that this woman is a widow and the fact that her kids are 13 and 16, yet described as "young" and a bunch of those stuff, who TF changes the lock on a room in a house they are the visitor in????? If she changed the lock on the bathroom because the daughter was barging in where she was in there, she'd still be way out of line. You don't get to go into someone else's house, make your own rules and then deem yourself the gatekeeper of their property.
If not in the bin, then where? Using the phrase "outside the house, " I had visions of the daughter lobbing them out of the bathroom window. OP was 100% right.
Definitely NTA!!! Even IF your daughter was just throwing her pads in the trash can for all to see, that is YOUR house and SIL can just DEAL WITH IT! She’s got some nerve to treat your daughter in ANY negative way!! She could VERY KINDLY take your daughter in the bathroom and show her the proper way to dispose of her used pads where nobody even knows they’re there!! OR at the very least could’ve talked to her own sister about it or even the father and I MEAN KINDLY!!! That is NOT her house and she’s lucky to have a place to stay!! She should be very grateful & treat every one of you in that household with a “what can I do for you?” Kind of attitude…. NOT act as if she owns the place!!! Oh HECK NO! I would tell her sons that it’s their mother’s behavior that has caused them to have to leave and sorry not sorry!! Nobody and I mean NOBODY should ever be allowed to come into your home and treat your children any type of way other than very NICELY!!! PERIOD!
Her beloved pampered boys somehow don't seem to have been involved in the SILs argument. She's the one who is upset. She's had periods ffs. It's always best for bathroom bins to have lids on but other than that, she's an absolute Idiot. Her darlings at 13 and 16 could already have girlfriends and could have already slept with them. Periods are a part of life for Everyone. I started mine at 9, so those kids should know All about it. I simply don't get what this idiotic malicious SIL was on about. Moron 🙄
It’s weird how people are freaked out about normal bodily functions. I feel sorry for her boys.
NTA. I don't care who the person is, but if you are a guest in MY HOME, you do NOT get to make demands, or rules or interfere with anyone or anything in the home. The nerve and entitlement of some people is just off the charts.
When you live in someone else's house, the last thing you can do is make demands on how things in the house should work.
here in Mn. the school curriculum has students learning puberty/body maturity changes as early as 3rd grade. At 9 years old, start out with hair growing in places, parts growing or changing (deeper voice), The need to use deodorant, and other hygiene practices. By 5th grade the mechanics of body functions by gender. So by age 13, either/both boys know that females have a period and girls know boys experience "woodies". Yes, each gender has an issue that is uncomfortable/inconvenient in a moment or day. Should this dad get weirded out with a case of 'hormone' overload by the teenage boys? It's nature!!!
i dont even know how to describe the level of the sil's stupidity but i'll try...... the cage is locked and the wheel is turning but the hamster clearly died LONG ago
SIL is a whole woman! And she still doesn't understand a girl with a period?? Outright ridiculous
That is messed up, as a woman, the SIL should have known that complaining about pads can make a young woman embarrassed or ashamed of a perfectly natural function…even boys should be taught about this early on so as to ensure there is no stigma regarding menstruation.
I bet being homeless beats (wrapped) sanitary pads in the trash can. :)
....wow. Props to that man for giving her six days. I don't even have children, but if ANYONE would do that to MY child in MY house, I'd physically throw that person out of the house, and then call child protective services to have their children put in care. This is BEYOND unforgivable, this is just ...unreal. Please tell me this whole story is made up?
Leave the pads outside the house??? Oke... * Instructs daughter to leave the pads outside the house...on the lawn.
I would say this..people with blood phobias usually pass out when they see blood. Her son shouldn't have to see it and pass out on the toilet seat. Sometimes wrapping it in toilet paper is not enough. But the SIL could have solved the problem by say buying a separate trash can with a lid for the niece instead of investing in a lock. Maybe keeping her pads separate from the rest of the trash might be a solution. For craps sake, what does the mother of the boy do with her pads/tampons?
I hope it turn doesn't turn into another Cinderella story
These AITA, sympathy-seeking articles are bullshit on so many levels – if they are even real. What kind of people expose their private lives in public like this, desperately seeking approval and support from complete strangers?
ESH. Yes, the SIL's behaviour is insane but come on, you don't kick someone out of a house over such a stupid argument. I suspect the is are different reason behind this argument because you don't kick a family of three out of a house because of one fight.
You'd be surprised what people are like. My mother makes sure I'm the one to empty the bathroom bin because 'your father shouldn't have to deal with your pads'.
Load More Replies... Will you f**k off? Please? You're ruining my enjoyment of reading about stupid people
Load More Replies... Not sure what else was going to work though. The SIL thinks she can dictate what the daughter does in her own house, seems she needs reminding that she actually has zero power there.
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