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Woman Secretly Cancels Family Trip For One Stepson, Gets Mad When The Dad Calls Off Vacation For The Whole Family
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Woman Secretly Cancels Family Trip For One Stepson, Gets Mad When The Dad Calls Off Vacation For The Whole Family

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Family trips usually come with a fair bit of drama. Sharing the backseat with your siblings for 30 hours on a road trip tends to create some tension, and there might be times where a hangry mom and dad just cannot agree on whether they want Italian of Mexican food for dinner. The vacation can still be a success overall, but somehow family trips always find a way to upset someone. Unfortunately for one family, they recently ended up with a year’s worth of family drama without even making it on a trip.

4 days ago, a concerned father, Reddit user Throwra5354409, reached out to the internet for some outside opinions on whether or not he was at fault when his planned family vacation quickly went awry. Below, you can read the full story, as well as some of the replies from other readers, and decide how you feel about the situation. Let us know in the comments how you would have handled this family drama, and then if you’re interested in another Bored Panda piece featuring last minute plans canceled due to a family conflict, look no further than right here.

One father recently asked the internet if he was in the wrong for calling off his family’s vacation

Image credits: Daria Nepriakhina (not the actual photo)


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Image credits: Ben White (not the actual photo)

Upon finding this out, the father decided to call off the entire vacation


The father is now working hard to fix this mess that his wife has created

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I understand that not everyone would be thrilled to take on the role of a stepmother, but that is what Rose signed up for. It is completely unfair for her to treat Leo, a kid, like he has done something wrong just because their personalities do not mesh well. Even if he does not like her, as the adult in the situation, it is her responsibility to be the bigger person. But as cliche as it is for stepmothers to have issues with their stepchildren, it is still relatively common. 

On her blog The Inclusive Stepmom, Beth McDonough writes that it is actually normal to resent your stepchildren. “When we are disliked or only hesitantly accepted by the kids when we come into the picture, we feel like our entire self is being rejected, which makes us feel inadequate and like a dagger to our self-esteem,” Beth explains. “Being rejected is like tossing hot oil onto a pan and having it snap, crackle, and pop right onto your arm. Resentment is how you start to feel toward the oil and that pan after it burns you too many times.”

She goes on to explain that stepparents can view their partner’s children through a lens of “responsibility first and love second”, where parents see their children “through the lens of love first and responsibility second”. She notes that it is completely normal for a stepparent to have a hard time loving their stepchildren, but she does not excuse acting inappropriately. “When that happens, go for kindness and respect first and foremost, and let go of the pressure you put on yourself to have specific feelings.”

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Rose is allowed to not be best friends with Leo, but she should not be allowed to bully him out of their family vacation and manipulate his brother into thinking it was his fault. It is sad to hear that one family vacation could blow up into such a big mess, but thankfully, the boys’ father is working hard to get things under control. Let us know in the comments what you think of this whole situation, and if you have experience dealing with a difficult stepparent, we’d love to hear how you handled it. 

Readers have overwhelmingly sided with the father and his sons, with many warning that his wife is the problem here




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carrielaughs avatar
Carrie Laughs
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rose is a mistake for your family. She doesn't care enough about even you to try and make it work with your sons. She is lying to you, to your sons and doesn't care about anyone bar herself. Cut your losses and divorce.

ariawhitaker avatar
Aria Whitaker
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly! He has to imagine what Leo's mother would say to him in this situation where he is allowing a grown woman to bully his son? There are plenty of women in the world...his kids are one of a kind. Not to mention, Leo probably needs a bit of therapy as well.

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sweetangelce04 avatar
CatWoman312
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone with social anxiety and also tends to flake out or not attend events, I still want to be invited. Let me be the one to say no, don’t decide for me

marilynrussell avatar
Marilyn Russell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Very true, but if you do say yes, follow through. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. People will stop the invitations if you let them down too often. That’s only fair.

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lisah255 avatar
LH25
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, you need to leave her, or kick her out. Not only did she go behind your back and cancel the ticket, she lied to your other son about it, and caused a rift. I read a comment in an advice column earlier today that applies here ""Sometimes you date a facade, marry the truth and divorce your mistake."

popapach avatar
troufaki13
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The boys don't deserve to have such a toxic person in their lives. If you love them like I'm sure you do, divorce her. There will be other women, but only one Adam and Leo

amanda_33 avatar
Amanda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Holy s**t the wife is a huge c**t. LEAVE HER, for the sake of your relationship with the boys, she needs to go!

rickseiden avatar
Rick Seiden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish I could comment directly on the original thread. Leo needs help. He's not going to get better by just being left alone. He needs to go see a therapist and a psychiatrist. Things can get better for him, but he needs help. And he needs it before he does something that will take him away forever.

kaitiyoder avatar
Kaiti Yoder
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP stated he has been too busy FOR FIVE YEARS to even talk to his son about how he truly feels and is doing, let alone put him in therapy. Yet he managed to not only date but end up married 🤔

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savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you don't leave her, you get what you get and I wont feel sorry for you.

wandawissler avatar
Wanda Wissler
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What worries me,is what has she been saying to him that you will never know about. Threats? Sending him away? Who knows!

nikkisevven avatar
Nikki Sevven
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Throw out the whole woman. Your kids and their safety and well-being should be the most important thing in your life, and she is deliberately sabotaging it. I'd file for divorce asap.

nizumi avatar
Nizumi
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's bullying one son and gaslighting the other, turning him against his brother. Toxic b!tch. OP - you and your sons deserve better.

amandachilds avatar
Amanda Childs
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is triangulating the boys that is clear and probably the dad too. Very entitled and manipulative behaviors from this discription

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cathyroberts avatar
Wanda Queen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've seen a few of these lately and it breaks my heart. My son is high functioning autistic. He likes his privacy, needs his alone time, and often doesn't want to participate in things he thinks will overwhelm him. I wonder how many of these boys are undiagnosed and just constantly being accused of being "uptight' or "antisocial". If Rose "adores" the boys, she needs to accept them the way they are. WTF.

cathyroberts avatar
Wanda Queen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ETA I don't mean to imply that boys are the only ones affected. I mean that I have seen several stories recently like this and they all involved people who identify as boys. But of course it's not limited.

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tiinabender avatar
Iifa A.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA! You married this woman, and it seems you never took pink of your face to see what you consider her adoring your boys is her conditioning them to hate each other so eventually she has you for herself. Damn I'm as introverted as they come, my successful week is a week we're I didn't get approached, called, spoken to, or left house. I'm an adult I made my choice. My dad made similar choice to you, I didn't mind the new wife or stepdaughter, but I did mind favortism and so my father hasn't seen his biological children good 20yrs. We don't care, disowned though courts. You make your bed, support your son's now and it's normal for.brothers be opposites and not get along, but under no circumstances are one brothers choice above others. Rose is drifting your family apart and you are fully responsible for.this. NTA if you grab your boys and run, divorce. Rose is a manipulative evil stepmother. We were warned about those!!!

frozenwaters456 avatar
Luke Oakridge
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If a husband was cruel to his step kids, no one would be blaming the wife about it, especially if this was the first time something like this had happened. No one would say "well you have to be a mind reader and know that he would turn abusive in the future". So don't act that way toward this guy.

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dexodrill avatar
Dex
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My heart goes out to you. Hearing about your situation and your son's makes me angry and so heart broken. Leo sounds so similar to me that I am instantly drawn to think about how I would feel with my stepmom saying these things and my brother blaming me let alone all the others. I urge you to continue to talk to them as you describe doing. You clearly care for them and my father was the number one person in my life to get me through my darkest hours. Leo may keep blaming himself even after being told multiple times it's not his fault. There is no easy way to change this. Adam may also have a tough time shaking the idea it's his brothers fault because the woman who has become his step mom, the one he has placed his new trust in, has told him the lie. But talking to them, showing them the lie through honest conversation can be very healthy. Leo has his reasons but Rose's actions have now harmed him deeply.

lisahewes avatar
Lisa H
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rose seems to have all the ingredients for being the stereotypical evil stepmother. She sounds like a malignant tumor of an a*****e who very obviously plays favorites. This woman needs to grow up and get out of this family's life.

cultofsplint avatar
Trond Øien
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely NTA. I wouldn't just cancel the trip I would start divorce proceedings asap. No question. This is a toxic person and it will only get worse in my experience.

juliechute avatar
Hoodoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1 year & THIS?! OP please deal w/ whatever denial you've got left re: this relationship & see to your children. Antisocial types must sow contention & strife in their space to feel OK bout themselves- their hard drives are missing the empathy chip so nothing is really beneath them ethically. This is rarely fixable. Leo, through no fault of his own, is likely depressed. Adam is being manipulated. You are being gaslighted...Cut your losses NOW & secure what assets you have. Been there

ladylastarr avatar
Lady La'Starr
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know her but I miss your first wife...I get why you did it. Maybe you could a have just readded him ( impulsive move I get it) ...but DEFINITELY NTA! Shes a jerk. See I can be an a*****e and I would have went on my trip with my children and left her a*s at home

joyce_monty avatar
Joyce Monty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You married a bully. Own up to it and do something about her.

rayarani avatar
Ray Arani
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with most of what was already said in the post. However I also think there are some red flags here. If the step mother is going out of her way to emotionally and physically isolate one kid, it's most likely because she's abusing him in some manner. If she makes him feel like he's the black sheep and separate/different from everyone, he won't be likely to tell anyone. The abuse is most certainly psychological/emotional, but may be physical or sexual as well. I'd get this kid into therapy and voice those concerns to the therapist, and meanwhile keep that woman away from the kids.

jtyre1961 avatar
James Tyre
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She canceled his ticket without telling you and lied to your other son. You'd have to be blind not to see what's going on here. Your trying to find a solution to a very simple problem. Your younger son doesn't fit her profile of what a teenage boy should be. Do you really want to spend years fighting this battle? She's not going to change and her nonacceptance of your son could have lasting reprocuptus on his mental health.

laurabamber avatar
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Take a good look at her family of origin. I bet there’s a sibling who doesn’t have much contact with the family and is considered moody and selfish. That’s the family goat who everyone blames for everything. It’s a weird but not particularly uncommon family pattern. Now your wife needs a goat to put all her unpleasant emotions on and she’s picked Leo. I suspect he won’t be that moody or introverted once she is gone.

sylviaaponte avatar
Abandoned1
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Horrible..for you and your boys. I hope your boys trip brings healing and strengthens the bond for you all. You did the right thing, and I think you will continue to..I think divorce is best as I can't see a way to work this out with her. She will resent your son and use every opportunity to cause him grief..she already tried to turn your son's against each other...that's ugly af.

abigailrose_1 avatar
Wysteria_Rose
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

See, I have two stepsons, and the younger one is definitely going through that "I want to be left alone" or "I don't want to go do anything" type of puberty funk, too, but I would never consider not including him on any event. I would never force him to go do anything, we make it clear he has a voice and choice and they are his to use, and if he decides not to go, well, then that's his decision pure and simple. But to be so crass towards a 14 year old? Or any age of teenager? Who is the adult here? Well, it's supposed to be Rose but I don't think that's going to happen.

justinecaruso avatar
Je souhaite
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your children will always remember this gesture Rose is toxic

chanfan304 avatar
Dr. Gonzo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WTF is wrong with this disgusting, selfish, hateful fn society??? Fck 99% of all human fn beings, I mean seriously. Sh*t is just out of fn control with the majority of these people. Ffs, if you're going to be that nasty of a person, quarantine yourself from others and fck off from humanity.

brendaspagnola avatar
Brenda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Time to move on with just your boys. If she'd do that, what else would she do to him?

cathietate avatar
cathie tate
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Divorce her. She is not a good role model for your boys. They should be your first priority.

beckysebring avatar
Becky Sebring
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rose should’ve consulted you FIRST ( No Exceptions) She overstepped. Get rid of her. .....

tbarlow6 avatar
T Barlow
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA! And Kudo's to you for not just sweeping the incident under the rug and letting Rose get away with her despicable behavior. What she's doing could cause serious, and long term emotional damage to both your sons, especially Leo. You're obviously a good dad who loves your boys. Keep up the good work! You will always be their dad and it's important they know you'll always be there for them. Rose is toxic and needs to be removed like a cancerous tumor before she causes irreparable damage to your family. Good luck!

medvedbear2018 avatar
Kristina Lyublinskaya
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Like it's ok not to like your step parent. He's not a baby, he's pretty grown up and he clearly doesn't like this stinky rose lady and that's ok. I'm curious how the father hasn't picked up on that already

hairmadnezzbluesky avatar
HairMadnezz Bluesky
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rose should have cancelled her ticket see if he ruins the trip alone with his Dad. Bet he wont. It's a way to see stepmom go simply because she the not their real mom. The kids are smart an some manipulate their own parent who just wants a complete family but his kids wont allow it. Period welcome to 2022.

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noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get pissed off seeing idiots like these acting like they're the victims in sh!tshows like these. The bugger is a f*cking grown man and a father, and he didn't realize what kind of c*nt he's bringing into his family? Maybe I'm just a mean old geezer. I've about seen enough drama like these ruining kids' lives because their parents can't prioritize properly.

luisgomez avatar
Luis Gomez
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people are just really good at pretending they are nice. Millions of women get abused because the guy is a charming polite caring person, until they are not. Would you blame the women for this? Don't blame the victim.

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pennylost avatar
Penny Lost
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG, that woman needs to go far, far away from the OP's family, and the sooner the better!

corys avatar
Cory S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He needs to start looking for a good DIVORCE ATTORNEY. If not she's going to turn his son's against each other permanently.

soomiwork avatar
Soomi work
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You absolutely did the right thing. To do otherwise is unimaginable. To go on a family vacation and exclude one of the children? Who would even think that’s a possibility? Rose would not have done that if Leo was her boy no matter how moody he is. Leo is a 14 year old who lost his mother - as a 9 year old. That has to be the worst age to lose a mother. That may cause someone to be an introvert. Without you protecting him, he has no real family. Rose wants to exclude him from your family instead of supporting him. She should have never married you if she wasn’t fully committed to both of your boys.

d_nicolehiljus avatar
D. Nicole Hiljus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She does not adore your children! Her favor depends entirely on the amount of attention she receives. She's willing to go to any lengths to make sure the situation makes her feel good and she doesn't care what she has to do, who she hurts (even a child) or what turmoil she creates. That's narcissism, it does not get better and it will cause lasting damage not only to your introvert child but to the whole family. It already has. I recommend spending that vacay money on a family therapy for you and your son's.

lorilathrom avatar
Lori Lathrom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is no wonder the kid is depressed. He is Cinderfella. It’s bad enough losing a parent but then to have dad marry a child abuser? Drop her like a bad habit Dad. Show your boys they come first. Take the boys to Disney world. Tell her when you get back she better be gone. And get some therapy for you and the boys. He has been bottling up his feelings to keep from hurting you.

debbrouhard avatar
Deb Brouhard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP married the fantasy, lives with the lie and now needs to divorce the mistake. She did as many people do, pretend to adore, love, care about your kids, only to reveal her true self later. You married a mean, bullying person, who will ultimately destroy your family. When she returns from her sister hand her divorce papers. No matter what she says, she won't nor can't change her innate personality traits. Plus she deliberately lied to your second child. She's gotta go.

theresaharris avatar
Theresa Harris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rose sounds like a Narcissist! Manipulating everyone to get her way! He better divorce her and run! It is only going to get worse!

champnoiseshanna avatar
Shanna Pugh-Champnoise
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I did something like that my husband would have already had my bags packed and on the front porch. Its bad enough she manipulated but the outright lying is the unforgivable part as well as trying to drive a wedge between the brothers. Shes a horrible person that is not stepmom material. Get rid of her

amyj7485 avatar
Amy Johnson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh Daddy I'm so sorry to tell you this but your new wife is the worst... I'm a step mom to a 16 yr old... I inherited him full time when his mother passed away unexpectedly 8 yrs ago, his father has since gone to prison and he is solely in my care. I adore him and he is mine. When you find a woman who truly loves and cares for your children marry her and please get these boys some counseling it's not shameful it's what they need to deal with the loss and guilt they feel. Best of luck

karenvilla9428 avatar
Karen Villa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the same thing my brother and I had to endure. It will only get worse with time. When my brother and I lived with my Father Esteban and his new spouse Sandra she did the same thing of bullying my brother and I. She has always only wanted everything to be only about her kids Kevin and Yaneilly. She could not stand my dad buying anything for my brother or I even if they were basic necessities. I noticed she got a satisfaction out of being able to treat us anyway she wanted and not being held accountable for her actions. My father was always aware of this but never did anything to put a stop to it out of fear that she would leave him (this was always her threat when he tried to put his foot down) he was 40 and she was 20 when they got together. I always know it was Jealousy that she felt because she only wanted it about her kids. She liked to talk bad about my brother and I to family and friends. I first became aware of this by one of my friends at school when I was in 5th grade.

silicatile avatar
Silica Tile
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Classic toxic, manipulative and narcissistic behavior. This woman Rose is piece of work. She doesn't give a dam about anyone but herself and if she can't mold everyone around her to be the people she wants to be around, she will have then removed. Creating strife and destroying relationships between family is a common tactic so they can't tighten their grip of control over their partners. I had an ex girlfriend do it with me and she almost had me turned against my whole family before I snapped out of it and dumped her toxic a*s.

doloreseilerts avatar
dolores eilerts
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This woman is not going too change, she is a pot stirrer. It's going too get worse. High school, driving, a car, college,job. Friends. . She is a blatant liar, something she is teaching the boys. God forbid be she gets away bc with it. Just be too get I been her a power of feel good. Pitting Brother against brother. UNFORGIVABLE. DAD YOU BROUGHT THESE CHILDREN INTO THIS WORLD TOO LOVE AND CHERISH. T HI IS IS HOW THEY WILL SEE YOU WHEN YOU GROW OLD?

frozenwaters456 avatar
Luke Oakridge
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While your advice is good, you seem to put the blame on the father if he stays with the step mother. I think that if it had been a step father who had done this, people would be sympathizing more with the mother rather than blaming her for being with the step father in the first place.

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luziabielefeld avatar
Lu Bielefeld
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Preserve the emotional safety of your teen son and dump the b***h! She's toxic to your family and has turned on each other with lies and intrigue.

jasminearabia avatar
Jasmine Arabia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would leave her. It's only going to get worse, her manipulative tactics will get more creative. Don't be fooled into thinking this was an accident. Narcissistic people will gaslight their partner into thinking that they didn't mean to do something when they clearly did. Staying with this woman regardless of her apology and her promises to make things better, will inevitably mess your child up even more. It sounds like your child is suffering from depression and anxiety and needs to see a counselor or therapist even if they don't want to. It is very important that you have your child see a therapist. In the beginning they might fight you on it, just like a child will fight you on eating their vegetables but it is what is right and it is what the child needs. Because if they don't get out how they feel right now it will hinder their academic progress, their ability to be social and make friends and ultimately it will mess up their whole life. That's not a good start to life.

alexaharris avatar
Alexa Harris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow she is a narcissist! I don't want to tell this guy to call it quits but SO MANY RED FLAGS! She is conditioning his sons to turn against each other and eventually him to get her way. She is trying to puppeteer the whole family. Pin the sins against each other and the father and the father against his own son who is clearly hurting. The 14yo really needs his Dad alot rn. He is trying to avoid getting close to people since he has experienced so much loss at such a young age. Perhaps getting married so soon was not great for the family. 5 years after their mom passed to be remarried may have been too soon for them. She lies alot and doesn't care about his sons at all. She plots against them all and plays victim to the world about it all. Terrible woman.

spiekarz avatar
Shayla Katherina
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I sure hope this man chooses his kids over his new wife. I've seen far too often where a man marries a woman that ends up driving him away from his kids and family. Rose needs to go.

soulffle avatar
Ann Wall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry to say, but you married a manipulative b@&ch. It would not surprise me if she has said or done something ( or that he has seen or found out something) to the 14 year old that you know nothing about. You might find out that he has been keeping things to himself because he thinks he cannot win. But most importantly, he doesn't want you to be hurt or be the cause of a blowout between you and her. You never know what kids are holding onto -may be some of the cause of his "loner" tendancies. Your 14 y/o son can see through her while you cannot. Heck, I'm grown and I'd stay as far away from her as humanely possible! Take your sons and run!

traceymunkres avatar
Emily
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have left her at home and taken the boys. Byeeeee!

bethmullen_1 avatar
Beth Mullen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are NTA. Your wife's decision to cancel ticket without consulting you is selfish , petty and mean spirited. Take the trip with your son's and try to repair the bond as that she chose to rip apart by lying. So to your wife needed time away what she didn't want to face the s**t storm she created. As some one mentioned it could just be your son's personality or depression( he has been through a lot and he must know that his step mom wants him to just disappear so it he won't irritate her sensibilities. You and your new wife need counseling. I think it might opeyour eyes to your new wife's immaturity and spite.

patricia_smith_1 avatar
Patricia Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree that this behavior is on going situation and I believe that on some level you've been aware maybe not way in the beginning you probably told yourself nah I'm imagining it it's just this time it was way too obvious especially since she lied and manipulated your other son which you know for certain now has also been on going deliberately creating a wedge between the two brother's so that she can have her way is the lowest of low can she be fixed with some therapy I don't know does she want to be fixed No! She believes she did nothing wrong she justifies it with herself because she wants her way no matter what harm she causes to other's and she's proven that I hope this helps you with the decisions you have to make and you already know the answer to that

selinaspecker avatar
selina specker
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like I have seen and dealt with a lot of this c**p. From someone who's seen this happen to family over and over from the bottom of my heart, leave that woman. Leave her for your kids health. Leave her for your health. If you don't it will be long and messy and will irrevocably damage your family. Leo is at a very delicate age, and your wife is going to teach him that he isn't worth the effort (among other things) he will be LUCKY if he can work though this with expensive therapy. Your other son is learning to blame him also. Which is a whole other can of snakes. That could become a pattern in his life, though he may not realize it. These are just SOME problems that will arise from what has already taken place. People like your wife, will always find someone else to blame and I've lost years of my life trying to be perfect for other people and trying to fix them or make them see the error of their ways. You will always lose.

hopetirendi avatar
Hope Tirendi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Figuratively punt her like a football right out the door. Take this time to pack all of her c**p up and dump it on her sisters lawn. I guarentee the house belongs to him so she has no leg to stand on especially after only one year!

alysonfrazier avatar
Alyson Frazier
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was blessed beyond measure to have a (step)father who loved me for over 40 years.Daddy became angry when anyone said I was "just his stepdaughter"I was his daughter as far as he was concerned. It NATTERS how your children are being treated by a stepparent. Our family watched with sadness and anger how a stepfather, decimated 3 young girls self esteem and feeling if they were truly loved by the stepparent, during their preteen and teen years. They are also angry because they feel that their mother didn't speak up for them enough. This abusive marriage and household has lasting effects that didn't end once the marriage was over. Please plan memories and special times with your sons and then find someone who will put the welfare of your children above all else.

xenia-schoenmakers avatar
Nope
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a step parent you she has no rights to tell your kids what to do and complain about them. But yes you're a AH for still being with her. When she complains about him and put him out off family trips it's already clear that she is terrible. And when you weren't doing something in the first place you chosed her over your son. From what I read you are a good parent don't let this witch change that.

suuspuusje avatar
Susie Elle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Your child won't validate my fun-mom-ness so now I'm punishing him for it and blackmailing him as I go as well." So the kid is more introverted than the rest and now he's being blamed for being moody? I'd divorce her or at least go into some family therapy because this will scar Leo for life if the family not getting to do something fun because mom assumes he won't want to do it anyway so now nobody can because he's supposedly moody and somehow that's all Leo's fault. She's setting up fights between children on purpose. That's some sick behaviour.

marilynrussell avatar
Marilyn Russell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The poor boy is depressed and confused - that’s his crime. And he’s a teenager with his prefrontal cortex coming on line. What a time for him and his stepmother can’t cut him any slack. He needs a counsellor even if he thinks he doesn’t. Spoken as someone who lost their mom at age 11 to suicide. The loss of a parent never goes away. A trip right now isn’t the best idea before all this is addressed. He needs a safe and stable home environment where he can feel safe.

teruguillen avatar
Teru Reznicek
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You’re a great father. However, try to hold for a moment your reactions and think more before you act. Don’t force people into complying what you think it’s best. Adam will go on that vacation and maybe Rose should come too. You all need to learn from this lesson. Don’t let it define you as a family. Keep supporting your boys. Men are more fragile than we expect. Boys get broken too. Best of luck!

slw303 avatar
SuePrew
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bruiscear, up above (second from bottom), said it just right on the nose. That is exactly it. It will not get any better IMO.

yvonne-preisinger avatar
zartesferkel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one triggered me, as I have seen similar. Fully understandable that he wants to save his marriage as he managed to find someone new after so much loss. Might be however, that he married the evil stepmother. The lying, the trying to separate him from the rest of the family, playing the boys, so she can say she is right, in order to continue. It does a lot of harm to the boys. Also to the husband obviously. There is something like the evil woman, who wants the man she catched only for herself and destroys everyone in her way - the fairytales have a true core here. It's just sad.

yvonne-preisinger avatar
zartesferkel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. This one got me triggered, as I have seen similar. I fully understand that he is trying to get the marriage work, as he lost his first wife tragically and found someone new. And he seems like someone who wants to see the best in people. In this case however my fully unprofessional opinion is, that he might have married the evil stepmother. Such people exist and she is showing alarming behaviour with the lying, trying to get the familiy "to her side" to be able to continue to exclude the son. The harm done to the family and the two sons is probably heavy and he should think hard about if that is really worth it. In my opinion - no it isn't.

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From Freaky Friday , the future Step dad 'Ryan' said to Tess that she put her children first and that was exactly how he wanted it. At the rehearsal dinner, he told Tess (unknowingly Anna) that he will wait until Anna was ready on her time and in her own way she will accept him. So later, it was said that 'if you just give them a little room.....' So it's really the step parent to allow some adjustment , not the child.

lara_harris avatar
Lara Harris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand how you go from death of a wife and dealing with two young kids grief, to married again within 4 years.

minorshan avatar
Shannon Ongley
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

JFC, this reminds me of a friend of mine in high school. He was an odd but, but in a fringey goththy dork way. They were Mormonish, didn't go to worship often. He came home one day to find his family had gone on a vacation without him. It wasn't the first time. He tore the place apart (age 16) in a rage of hurt, ran away for a few days, but came back before they did (they didn't tell him it would be 1.5 week, didn't leave money). He stepped in front of a train at age 19. He wasn't adopted. He was a middle child of a "stable" family. If any of this sounds like someone you know, reach out. I was a dumb teen, at 17, when it happened and didn't know warning signs.

jaybird3939 avatar
Jaybird3939
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who lost a parent early, I hope you offer therapy for both your kids. I wasn't given that chance and now I'm extremely introverted, uncomfortable around others and not very sociable. Losing a parent is so hard, but especially as a young person. Even though they know you love them, Rose is doing her darndest to alienate them. Don't let her.

rix_1 avatar
Arenite
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get out now! This woman is poison, already trying to run your sons out so she can have you all to herself.

alexiatr avatar
Alexia Tr
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You don't have kids with her? Good, run for your life away from her. She is a manipulative narcissist and will make more damage to your family. She already has your two boys fighting. Sad you found out 5 years into it but better now than never.

brandielitchfield avatar
Brandie Litchfield
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You will see what she's really like soon enough, when you choose your children's well-being over narcissistic stepmom. I agree, she has most likely be quite manipulative of both of your son's during this entire time, three grieving family members are easy pickings for a narcissist ---revictimize the victims... I feel bad for position OP is in, but if you do not defend boundaries to protect your children now--she will Weasle her way back in and damage your boys irreparably. Do not even consider salvaging any relationship with the evil Stepmom, this is your chance to help your boys and they will respect you for forever. Family is all we really have, when it comes right down to it. Take care of each other and teach them REAL family values, not how to let a sociopath ruin y'all's life for next decade and spend forever in therapy for it....

tealeaves777 avatar
Just Jenn; not a ...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is kind of how your son's brain works and, it is not a choice. I could go on and on but I won't. My biggest issue is; my reason for signing up for an account on this bored panda thing; I'm worried about your son and, others like him. They are misunderstood and; because of that; often mistreated. People; the world; tell Leo, that there is something wrong with him and; sadly over time; it makes Leo think that there is something wrong with him. Which can really lead to depression. I'm not saying he doesn't have it now he might it's understandable with what he's gone through with losing his mom and probably other things however I do not believe all his symptoms are because of depression; I think he is a functionalist they are thinkers, they go inside their head.

tealeaves777 avatar
Just Jenn; not a ...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

doesn't have any food. Of course there are always the people out there that will say; they'll split the food they'll find a way to share with everybody but; the truth of the matter is; you are the father of your children and, it is your responsibility to feed your children; as it is the father next door's responsibility, to feed his children. In some ways it will seem selfish to you to not share but the truth; is as selfish as it may seem as rude as it may seem; you are responsible for your children and so you will feed your children... survival of the fittest.

tealeaves777 avatar
Just Jenn; not a ...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hello I will try to be brief. You're son; Leo; is what I call a functionalist. The wording might change later on; it's still something I'm working on. Of course I'm also saying that generally since I do not know him personally I can't say for sure but according to your description of him; he is a functionalist. I'm working on trying to change the world's perception of people like him because people; meaning, most of the world's population; do not understand people like Leo. Speaking generally; the world thinks Leo; and people like him; to be rude, self centered, aloof, uninterested ...etc. The truth is; the world is not completely wrong but... there is a reason for it. For conversation sake; Leo's brain, works mostly with what he needs (his survival and his interests) and; what he does not need to worry about (other people's survival and interests). It does not mean that he doesn't care. Think of it this way. You only have enough food to feed your family but, the family next door

janellecollard avatar
Janelle Collard
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hope OP kept Leo + dumped the wife! (And PLEASE get Leo help for his depression/social anxiety/etc.)

nicolesardinha avatar
Nicole Sardinha
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex and I divorced but we amicable co parented, got new partners, had more children. One day my sons stepmother, while having a couple of drinks let it slip that she hated my son… I almost fell to my knees with pain and anger because my little boy felt it. I told my ex, and all I will say is my lion knew that his dad has his back Your wife is a liar. A dangerous one. She does not love your son and you need to impress upon your other son that you three will always come first. Let no one divide the core element…you three. And she involved outside family is more drama. I’m sure she has good qualities, you married her, but nothing negates the fact that she does not like him. She could have tried a lot harder. Too much effort. Focus on your boys…they need you to protect them from her emotional family abuse. If worst comes to worst, divorce her. Easier said than done…I started with she’s a liar, and I end with “she’s a liar” Read the book People of the Lie by Scott Peck

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Emily Raterman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

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imjustapussycat avatar
Sheri Lowe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You did the right thing by canceling the entire vacation. Your wife canceling your son's ticket is a HUGE red flag because it reveals a total lack of respect for both you and your son. This indifference to yourfeelings is shocking, especially in the secret conniving way she did it. Very manipulative behavior indicative of a narcissistic personality or some other personality disorder that only spells trouble for you and your two boys. Even the way she handled the vacation cancelation is reminescint of a disturbed personality. Please put your sons first. You mentioned that they are suffering not only the loss of their mother, one of life's most horrible things to experience, a remarriage AND moving away from friends, which is horrific for teenagers. They need friends to help support them through grief and change in a way parents and adults cannot, but on top it they lost a cousin. I cannot imagine the pain they're feeling. Please, please put your boys first and keep a close eye on her

bettesuesolender_1 avatar
Bette Sue Solender
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh my gosh, all the opinions I read agree that Rose is.Definitely the culprit here as She is causing All the bad feelings between each of you. She Is a terrible troublemaker with a capital T. Some family counseling is necessary here but if counseling doesn't help to resolve the issues, your boys need to know You love and care about them and want to do the right thing for them. They were here Before She was. They come First. She does Not want to be a "team player"; she is trying very hard to Drive you Apart and set Herself up as The Boss here. You are NTA; She is. You have a lot of work to do now to enforce that You're the Real Head of the family, You have to make the important decisions for the boys' lives. Their security and happiness comes from you "having Their backs" All the time. They rely on and Need You.to "be there" for Them. She doesn't love them as you had thought and hoped; she wants them Out of her way, especially Leo. Permanently.and Immediately. Be wise and tread carefully

kimberlywiltshire avatar
Kimberly Wiltshire
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I.think you need to rethink your relationship with Rose. However, your son needs some help dealing with the traumas ge has been through. Confronting.these things is harf, but withdrawing wont solve them. It will get worse. It doesnt go away by not facing up to them. Facing up to them is hard, really hard but it will give him a .much bigger chance of living a more fullfilling and authentic life as an adult. Rose is manipulating everyone, maybe out of frusteration because she feels powerless when she knows he needs help but all that is happening is just leaving him be. However, the way she is acting is immature and counterintuitive. Either way your son needs professional help.

dollie_ricketts avatar
Dollie Ricketts Horaney
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So the fact that the wife went behind his back and changed the vacation plans without talking to him is a red flag in its own right. Then those plans exclude one of his children? Then left him to find somewhere for said kid to stay at the last minute? Even without all the complicated family dynamics and manipulation going on, that is a shitty thing to do

lorismothers avatar
Lori Smothers
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m so proud of Leo’s dad. A parents first priority is to their children. I am a stepmother of 3 and had 3 of my own. Our lives were definitely full of conflict but we both persevered and 30 years later we both tell our children and stepchildren that we love them anytime we talk to them and it is reciprocated. It’s hard some times but that is the goal of a blended marriage- it’s what you sign up for. If she’s not up to the role then dad needs to protect his sons from the rejection and get out.

nagnagchampa3 avatar
nagna
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The issue will resolve itself when kid will commit suicide. It looks like it's going straight there. Poor baby but not good enough so...

whdove007 avatar
Sheila Ca
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Leave no child behind., for family includes all..Everyone needs to keep the peace and have fun, playing road games along the way, having food & drinks, and comfort along the trip.

carijames avatar
Cari James
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m F38 and have two daughters 15 and 18 and a son that is six. My daughters live with me and their stepfather of 13 yrs. In the beginning my husband treated my girls different based on their personalities. He treated both of them good though so I didn’t think nothing of it. As time went on the outer they got my oldest started having a real problem with it because he would at times handle situations different with her because her personality was very strong and outspoken and all it did was create problems in the household between my girls and my daughter and I have a very hard relationship now that I have been trying to mend for way too long and her and her stepdad have an extremely strained relationship as well. I wish I could go back and correct his mistakes and excluding her at times and making excuses. And it’s a good firm talking to your wife about it doesn’t change her ways then I would honestly get a divorce. Don’t make the mistake I did and let it get worse. He will blame you.

patricia_5 avatar
Patricia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just ask did you marry a child? Because she's acting like one. Your son needs a person to take some time with him not throw him to the wolf's. He loss his mom and you marry this child who clearly does like him. I can't tell you about your marriage but if she doesn't see her mistake and trying to blame the child he will never trust her; which will cause future problems. She needs to know shes a parent of teenagers and they are wishywashy anyway but to lose a mother OMG. You all really need family counseling but please hug your son and reassure him he haven't did anything wrong.

sandra_r_wright avatar
Steven Wright
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am a stepmom. My husband's first wife left him and I inherited three children. I love them like they were my own but the back and forth and the lies and the manipulation from their biological mother were very hard to deal with. Rose has none of that to deal with. And she's not dealing well at all with the responsibilities that you have given her. You've got to do something for your children. Even if it is just a legal separation until your children are raised and through that time you can figure out whether you and Rose are really in love. Healthy love is definitely someone who will honor you and those you love. Someone who is in your corner and working with you. My step kids love me. They give me calls on mother's Day and I've gotten bouquets from them and gifts from them. My oldest is 27. I love them and I want the best for them and I worked hard putting aside my own emotions to promote what was best for them. I don't think I'm an abnormal stepmother in that respect.

renate_stargardt avatar
Awsomemom52
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First of all... it's good that the father gets to the bottom of the whole thing, so thoroughly and doesn't naïvely trust his wife, without questioning her. He really should have family therapy (him with Leo and Adam) to work through the grief and everything else. My sons spent a lot of time with my parents, when their father and I were working. When they died, it hit my boys (3 and 9 at that time) very deeply... and their father's departure (6 month later) didn't make it any better. Their dads new girlfriend (19 then, 10 years his junior) never showed much interest in the boys (3 and 9 then)and was annoyed most of the time, when they visited their dad for the weekend. If I hadn't been in a deep depression myself at the time, I might have managed to get them (and myself) to see a therapist. But I was on "autopilot" for the following years... somehow kept it going. All of that strained the relationship to their father, who probably was also overwhelmed with the situation and they're no

michellejordan avatar
Michelle Jordan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe the reason why your son has become so introverted could be the result of your current wife's remarks, insults or exclusions from family functions. And because your son doesn't want to cause problems between you and your current wife, he has never said anything to you or anyone else in the family about the way she treats him (behind your back or subtly saying negative things to his brother) and especially by excluding him from family outings or functions without even asking him or wanting him to be a part of the family. Adults seem to be far bigger bullies than peers of your children. And considering how she down right lied to your oldest son about the whole trip situation, seems like she is trying to tear your family apart and eventually she will run both your children out of your life, unless you take action now to prevent anymore problems for you and your children. She's extremely jealous of your children and she doesn't want to be a "parental role model/figure" for your boys.

christinaarnold avatar
Christina Arnold
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have 2 kids ...single parent So sorry you had such a tragedy in your family. The woman is messing with your son's mental health. Any adult step parent that cancels a teens vacation with their only living parent should not be a step parent. Your son's has the right to be moody. Once your son's completely depressed you could lose him. This woman's not worth it

deborahmurphy avatar
Deborah Murphy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When you marry someone with children, it is a package deal. I and my husband each had a child from a previous marriage. And that is exactly what I told him. Then I took his son on as my own. I couldn't love him more, if I'd have him myself.

babycatg2002 avatar
Cat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's selfish to exclude the stepson she doesn't like, but it's downright malicious to turn siblings against each other.

jjleaders avatar
Jocelyn Leaders
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or, if I may, Individual and family counseling before deciding. As a whole we have a strong tendency to react to situations based on our own self judgments without being aware of it. Everyone digests "trauma" diffrently. Our chemical make-up also plays a major role on this as well. We also create a "prejudice" onto others as well, based on our interpretaion of the trauma(s). Pointing blame is not healing. Finding understanding on everyone's part will take trust while feeling vounerable. This is a horrible position for everyone to be in. We encourage and support our loved ones while respecting the boundaries of ourself and others. Finding the middle path will be the GREATEST reward. As our bodies grow we have growing pains. Same goes for relationships, there will be growing pains. Find out eachothers non-negotiables and all ranges of interst will be key in any planning.

zombiedeer avatar
Becca Burrer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rose is a selfish b***h, yes I am being brutally honest. You need to divorce her, she is the root of all the problems. Pitting one brother against another brother is just evil on her part, seems she can't face the consequences for her actions and it will only further alienate your son. He does not need that toxic behavior!!!

mbesse0624 avatar
Mary Besse
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's an awful and narcissistic person! Cut ties now and mend the family of all the bad she did. Divorce and don't look back!

labcat68 avatar
Sharon B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's hard growing up. I can't imagine how much harder after losing a parent at that young age. It would be a scary place. If parents aren't their kids greatest supporters, their rocks, who have the kids got? Take a deep breath. Reign in tbe anger . Kids so often misinterpret the cause of that anger and think it's their fault. I'm sorry for you. You're NTA fir canceling a trip that had gone sideways before it began. But please get your kids to understand that you're not angry with them and you're there for them. I don't envy you. You're in a very hard spot. Best if luck to you.

tzipporahs avatar
commentaryonyourlife
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please consider sitting down with Adam and Leo with Rose, when she returns. Rose needs to understanding that she cannot secretly drive a wedge between your family. Adams needs to hear that what she said him was not true and wrong. Leo needs to know that you defended him. Rose needs to know that will no work in this house and don’t try it again! Rose is the special one and the one needs to grow up and act her age!

thomashuntjr_ avatar
Thomas Hunt, Jr.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a guy who grew up introverted and shy, I can't just sit, read and move on. What I hear/have read is that step mom can't deal with an introverted youth and hasn't connected on an emotional level with that particular child. My guess is that she just doesn't know how to work with, work through, but most importantly listen to what Leo has to say. To me it's not about being bullied YET, it's a lack of awareness and understanding. Major red flag right there. She's on the edge of crossing the line of being a bully. I grew up with bullies my entire childhood, teenhood, and young adulthood. I commend the father's stance on this matter. His father listens and tried to understand. It's a hell of a lot more than what I got. My parents tried to convince themselves and me that I was normal without trying to solve any problems. Gotta love the 80s, lol. A good sit down with Rose is needed. Then with the boys included, though I would honestly suggest family counseling.

kylelisa42 avatar
dorkus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dang. I had a bully step parent who played favorites and the damage he did to our family relationships is never going to be healed.

vjsmart2001 avatar
SupernaturalPanda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA Talk to a divorce lawyer or this is going to end very badly for you

howie0077 avatar
Brenda Souliere
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Family therapy. If you have to drag them all kicking and screaming, do it. Find someone you’re all comfortable especially your boys. From where I sit that’s the only thing that is going to salvage your wife’s relationship with your sons if that possible. It’s also the only thing that will save your marriage again, if that’s possible. You may want to participate if couple counseling as well. I am a (step) mother myself although I never refer to myself as “step”. I am his mom. I understand it’s not always easy but with love and patience it will work out. Please, for everyone’s sake don’t wait a minute longer.

lorahbee avatar
Laura Campos
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get thee to family counseling right now. If she won't go, it's a sign that she's the AH.

kathinka avatar
Katinka Min
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hm...Maybe not an a*****e but certainly someone who doesn't know how to handle a conflict. Escalating somethign to this degree is not a good idea - as he is now finding out. I do the a divorce in the future, though. Cancelling the ticket is already pretty insane, but lying to Adam about Leo is just gross.

tealeaves777 avatar
Just Jenn; not a ...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

also hope that you understand that it is difficult to understand people like your son when it comes to people like your wife, of course I'm assuming because I do not know any of them personally but I'm pretty sure I got it. I do not know your wife so I really don't know what kind of person she is but I will say that when you guys decided to do the Brady Bunch thing; it's tough on everybody.  Maybe it was her way of teaching your son, a lesson. So that he'll fight to be included that he'll want to be included and not take for granted, doing things with his family. I don't know again I don't know her but I'm kind of hoping, but that's maybe her reasoning even if she doesn't realize it. Again I apologize I just go off on tangents and; sorry, I wrote this on a memo thing, then copied and pasted, which is why it's out of order. I wish you luck sir :)

tealeaves777 avatar
Just Jenn; not a ...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the brains of both; functionalist and emotionalists. For example Rose. I don't know if she's an emotionalist or a functionalist but I can tell you it's very possible that what's going on, could be affecting her functional side. Meaning let's say she's the happy-go-lucky type and, thinks family should just have a good time and be family together but, what Leo is and does; does not make sense to her brain; which is possibly why she acted so irrationally. Oh wait, just like you. You didn't just cancel her out of the vacation, you canceled the whole thing and then regretted it later; not complete regret but, some. You felt something had to be done. ...and the big reason why... is because you found out Your Wife canceled, not the whole family vacation, just one person, your kid your little boy...wow that doesn't make sense; does it? It really messed with you; didn't it? Well anyway I just realized that I did a lot more talking than I wanted to; so I just like to apologize for that but, I

tealeaves777 avatar
Just Jenn; not a ...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's really really tough for them because when something happens that does not make sense they feel sometimes like they can't move forward without making sense of it. It's why you see people sometimes get stuck in their life. If somebody says 5 + 5 = 258 your brain is going to stop and, pause and say huh? Because it doesn't make sense. But you will unpause because your brain will make sense of it by saying the real answer and, move on. When something happens in our world that doesn't make sense and we can't make sense some people get stuck because they can't live without making sense of it. Of course there is no pause button in this world so even when something happens it doesn't make sense we can't just hit pause until we make sense of it; so part of our brain continues on living normal life, so to speak, while another part of our brain; does not. ... and I say that not just for functionalist but, also for what I call emotionalists. The getting stuck thing is a process that happens in

boredpanda_99 avatar
SirWriteALot
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Teach your kids that they are family and whatever influence there is out there, they need to work things out amongs themselves. Sibling rivalry., family disputes ... I don't know how many times I've wished my brother to dissapear but I'd take a bullet for him. Brothers need to hash things out, but they need to know that they are connected on another level than anyone else. It'll help them through the b******t etc. And even if they have a row ... it'll be their row, not anyone else's.

msdcallahan64 avatar
Dawn Marie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do not condone the lying to Adam at all, but with these sit downs, have you attempted to sit Rose and Leo down and talk with both of them about the whole situation?? With that you'll see right away, who is willing to work on mending this relationship and who is not. I'm a stepmom and it is not easy, but i do my best with them because i live my husband, do they love me? Nope, are we buddies? Nope. But we live the same man and i involve them in everything we do, join us or don't, their choice. They don't have to love me, but they have to show respect and they will get respect. As an adult she should have have gone to Leo herself and asked if there was anything she was doing that upset him and made him not want to join them. Blending families is one of the hardest things you'll ever do, some people make it, lots of people don't, in ending my short story here, lastly NEVER choose anyone before your child. Good luck

joshhowe avatar
Josh Howe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You don't sit down a child with his abuser the child will never admit anything. I know I have been questioned in front of my stepfather about abuse and I and my brother both lied and said nope we are fine. She is sending out red flags like crazy and maybe you have lived an innocent abuse free life but I see all the signs or a child abuser in this woman. Respect is earned not given. You don't just get respect cause you married a child's mom or dad.

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dylanparra avatar
Dylan Parra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd try and communicate with rose, ask her to go get dinner go watch a movie and then communicate see if you can actually resolve it, stop acting like time and space is going to fix an issue, you can figure it out right now, you married her for a reason, is there an actual reason she's upset outside of this? You know she's wrong she honestly probably knows shes wrong and knows she screwed up, I got kicked off of a cruise vacation when I was 14, it took me years to finally get over it, I snuck out to go to the gym and my mother said I was kicked off of the cruise, she later admitted she found me a pain the punishment didn't meet the offense, and she found me a pain and didn't want me on the cruise, we had to do was communicate, so go dig into her see why she's taking it out, whatever it is on your kid, everyone does things for a reason and it's deeper than not wanting to be around him. Regardless of what you do she needs therapy.

l48seaya avatar
Sea Ya
Community Member
1 year ago

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Maybe it's time for daddy to man up and teach his daughter how to be a son instead of a sissy. Replacing children is easy. And fun. You have sex and wait. Eventually another one pops out.

jp_21 avatar
J P
Community Member
1 year ago

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You need to sit her down and remind her he will always come first and anything even resembling this will be grounds for a divorce. Make her spend time with him and show she cares

tararay13 avatar
Tara Raay
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is not fair to that young man! Why should he be forced to spend time with this awful b***h? She’s already shown she DOESNT care and she’s a manipulative pos.

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izzycurer avatar
Izzy Curer
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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Speaking as someone who grew up with a narcissistic parent, I don't know if I actually believe Rose was trying to be malicious. I think she probably has insecurities and doesn't know what to do about a child who doesn't openly act like he likes her. I think she probably thought she was doing the right thing by assuming that he just didn't want to go. So, in short, I don't think she's evil, I think she's dumb about people and relationships, and probably isn't as keyed in to teenage vagaries as their mother would be. Since she told the older boy that Leo hadn't wanted to go, it almost makes me think something specific happened to make her think that. Like, maybe she asked Leo if he was excited about the trip, and he shrugged, and she misinterpreted that as him not caring to go. So, she thought 'why waste money on a ticket?' She should have asked him properly before making the cancelation, but maybe she thought she had. We're not hearing her side of the story, and this just isn't adding up

carrielaughs avatar
Carrie Laughs
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rose is a mistake for your family. She doesn't care enough about even you to try and make it work with your sons. She is lying to you, to your sons and doesn't care about anyone bar herself. Cut your losses and divorce.

ariawhitaker avatar
Aria Whitaker
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly! He has to imagine what Leo's mother would say to him in this situation where he is allowing a grown woman to bully his son? There are plenty of women in the world...his kids are one of a kind. Not to mention, Leo probably needs a bit of therapy as well.

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sweetangelce04 avatar
CatWoman312
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone with social anxiety and also tends to flake out or not attend events, I still want to be invited. Let me be the one to say no, don’t decide for me

marilynrussell avatar
Marilyn Russell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Very true, but if you do say yes, follow through. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. People will stop the invitations if you let them down too often. That’s only fair.

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lisah255 avatar
LH25
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, you need to leave her, or kick her out. Not only did she go behind your back and cancel the ticket, she lied to your other son about it, and caused a rift. I read a comment in an advice column earlier today that applies here ""Sometimes you date a facade, marry the truth and divorce your mistake."

popapach avatar
troufaki13
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The boys don't deserve to have such a toxic person in their lives. If you love them like I'm sure you do, divorce her. There will be other women, but only one Adam and Leo

amanda_33 avatar
Amanda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Holy s**t the wife is a huge c**t. LEAVE HER, for the sake of your relationship with the boys, she needs to go!

rickseiden avatar
Rick Seiden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish I could comment directly on the original thread. Leo needs help. He's not going to get better by just being left alone. He needs to go see a therapist and a psychiatrist. Things can get better for him, but he needs help. And he needs it before he does something that will take him away forever.

kaitiyoder avatar
Kaiti Yoder
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP stated he has been too busy FOR FIVE YEARS to even talk to his son about how he truly feels and is doing, let alone put him in therapy. Yet he managed to not only date but end up married 🤔

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savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you don't leave her, you get what you get and I wont feel sorry for you.

wandawissler avatar
Wanda Wissler
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What worries me,is what has she been saying to him that you will never know about. Threats? Sending him away? Who knows!

nikkisevven avatar
Nikki Sevven
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Throw out the whole woman. Your kids and their safety and well-being should be the most important thing in your life, and she is deliberately sabotaging it. I'd file for divorce asap.

nizumi avatar
Nizumi
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's bullying one son and gaslighting the other, turning him against his brother. Toxic b!tch. OP - you and your sons deserve better.

amandachilds avatar
Amanda Childs
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is triangulating the boys that is clear and probably the dad too. Very entitled and manipulative behaviors from this discription

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cathyroberts avatar
Wanda Queen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've seen a few of these lately and it breaks my heart. My son is high functioning autistic. He likes his privacy, needs his alone time, and often doesn't want to participate in things he thinks will overwhelm him. I wonder how many of these boys are undiagnosed and just constantly being accused of being "uptight' or "antisocial". If Rose "adores" the boys, she needs to accept them the way they are. WTF.

cathyroberts avatar
Wanda Queen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ETA I don't mean to imply that boys are the only ones affected. I mean that I have seen several stories recently like this and they all involved people who identify as boys. But of course it's not limited.

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tiinabender avatar
Iifa A.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA! You married this woman, and it seems you never took pink of your face to see what you consider her adoring your boys is her conditioning them to hate each other so eventually she has you for herself. Damn I'm as introverted as they come, my successful week is a week we're I didn't get approached, called, spoken to, or left house. I'm an adult I made my choice. My dad made similar choice to you, I didn't mind the new wife or stepdaughter, but I did mind favortism and so my father hasn't seen his biological children good 20yrs. We don't care, disowned though courts. You make your bed, support your son's now and it's normal for.brothers be opposites and not get along, but under no circumstances are one brothers choice above others. Rose is drifting your family apart and you are fully responsible for.this. NTA if you grab your boys and run, divorce. Rose is a manipulative evil stepmother. We were warned about those!!!

frozenwaters456 avatar
Luke Oakridge
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If a husband was cruel to his step kids, no one would be blaming the wife about it, especially if this was the first time something like this had happened. No one would say "well you have to be a mind reader and know that he would turn abusive in the future". So don't act that way toward this guy.

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dexodrill avatar
Dex
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My heart goes out to you. Hearing about your situation and your son's makes me angry and so heart broken. Leo sounds so similar to me that I am instantly drawn to think about how I would feel with my stepmom saying these things and my brother blaming me let alone all the others. I urge you to continue to talk to them as you describe doing. You clearly care for them and my father was the number one person in my life to get me through my darkest hours. Leo may keep blaming himself even after being told multiple times it's not his fault. There is no easy way to change this. Adam may also have a tough time shaking the idea it's his brothers fault because the woman who has become his step mom, the one he has placed his new trust in, has told him the lie. But talking to them, showing them the lie through honest conversation can be very healthy. Leo has his reasons but Rose's actions have now harmed him deeply.

lisahewes avatar
Lisa H
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rose seems to have all the ingredients for being the stereotypical evil stepmother. She sounds like a malignant tumor of an a*****e who very obviously plays favorites. This woman needs to grow up and get out of this family's life.

cultofsplint avatar
Trond Øien
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely NTA. I wouldn't just cancel the trip I would start divorce proceedings asap. No question. This is a toxic person and it will only get worse in my experience.

juliechute avatar
Hoodoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1 year & THIS?! OP please deal w/ whatever denial you've got left re: this relationship & see to your children. Antisocial types must sow contention & strife in their space to feel OK bout themselves- their hard drives are missing the empathy chip so nothing is really beneath them ethically. This is rarely fixable. Leo, through no fault of his own, is likely depressed. Adam is being manipulated. You are being gaslighted...Cut your losses NOW & secure what assets you have. Been there

ladylastarr avatar
Lady La'Starr
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know her but I miss your first wife...I get why you did it. Maybe you could a have just readded him ( impulsive move I get it) ...but DEFINITELY NTA! Shes a jerk. See I can be an a*****e and I would have went on my trip with my children and left her a*s at home

joyce_monty avatar
Joyce Monty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You married a bully. Own up to it and do something about her.

rayarani avatar
Ray Arani
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with most of what was already said in the post. However I also think there are some red flags here. If the step mother is going out of her way to emotionally and physically isolate one kid, it's most likely because she's abusing him in some manner. If she makes him feel like he's the black sheep and separate/different from everyone, he won't be likely to tell anyone. The abuse is most certainly psychological/emotional, but may be physical or sexual as well. I'd get this kid into therapy and voice those concerns to the therapist, and meanwhile keep that woman away from the kids.

jtyre1961 avatar
James Tyre
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She canceled his ticket without telling you and lied to your other son. You'd have to be blind not to see what's going on here. Your trying to find a solution to a very simple problem. Your younger son doesn't fit her profile of what a teenage boy should be. Do you really want to spend years fighting this battle? She's not going to change and her nonacceptance of your son could have lasting reprocuptus on his mental health.

laurabamber avatar
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Take a good look at her family of origin. I bet there’s a sibling who doesn’t have much contact with the family and is considered moody and selfish. That’s the family goat who everyone blames for everything. It’s a weird but not particularly uncommon family pattern. Now your wife needs a goat to put all her unpleasant emotions on and she’s picked Leo. I suspect he won’t be that moody or introverted once she is gone.

sylviaaponte avatar
Abandoned1
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Horrible..for you and your boys. I hope your boys trip brings healing and strengthens the bond for you all. You did the right thing, and I think you will continue to..I think divorce is best as I can't see a way to work this out with her. She will resent your son and use every opportunity to cause him grief..she already tried to turn your son's against each other...that's ugly af.

abigailrose_1 avatar
Wysteria_Rose
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

See, I have two stepsons, and the younger one is definitely going through that "I want to be left alone" or "I don't want to go do anything" type of puberty funk, too, but I would never consider not including him on any event. I would never force him to go do anything, we make it clear he has a voice and choice and they are his to use, and if he decides not to go, well, then that's his decision pure and simple. But to be so crass towards a 14 year old? Or any age of teenager? Who is the adult here? Well, it's supposed to be Rose but I don't think that's going to happen.

justinecaruso avatar
Je souhaite
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your children will always remember this gesture Rose is toxic

chanfan304 avatar
Dr. Gonzo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WTF is wrong with this disgusting, selfish, hateful fn society??? Fck 99% of all human fn beings, I mean seriously. Sh*t is just out of fn control with the majority of these people. Ffs, if you're going to be that nasty of a person, quarantine yourself from others and fck off from humanity.

brendaspagnola avatar
Brenda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Time to move on with just your boys. If she'd do that, what else would she do to him?

cathietate avatar
cathie tate
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Divorce her. She is not a good role model for your boys. They should be your first priority.

beckysebring avatar
Becky Sebring
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rose should’ve consulted you FIRST ( No Exceptions) She overstepped. Get rid of her. .....

tbarlow6 avatar
T Barlow
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA! And Kudo's to you for not just sweeping the incident under the rug and letting Rose get away with her despicable behavior. What she's doing could cause serious, and long term emotional damage to both your sons, especially Leo. You're obviously a good dad who loves your boys. Keep up the good work! You will always be their dad and it's important they know you'll always be there for them. Rose is toxic and needs to be removed like a cancerous tumor before she causes irreparable damage to your family. Good luck!

medvedbear2018 avatar
Kristina Lyublinskaya
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Like it's ok not to like your step parent. He's not a baby, he's pretty grown up and he clearly doesn't like this stinky rose lady and that's ok. I'm curious how the father hasn't picked up on that already

hairmadnezzbluesky avatar
HairMadnezz Bluesky
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rose should have cancelled her ticket see if he ruins the trip alone with his Dad. Bet he wont. It's a way to see stepmom go simply because she the not their real mom. The kids are smart an some manipulate their own parent who just wants a complete family but his kids wont allow it. Period welcome to 2022.

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noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get pissed off seeing idiots like these acting like they're the victims in sh!tshows like these. The bugger is a f*cking grown man and a father, and he didn't realize what kind of c*nt he's bringing into his family? Maybe I'm just a mean old geezer. I've about seen enough drama like these ruining kids' lives because their parents can't prioritize properly.

luisgomez avatar
Luis Gomez
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people are just really good at pretending they are nice. Millions of women get abused because the guy is a charming polite caring person, until they are not. Would you blame the women for this? Don't blame the victim.

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pennylost avatar
Penny Lost
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG, that woman needs to go far, far away from the OP's family, and the sooner the better!

corys avatar
Cory S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He needs to start looking for a good DIVORCE ATTORNEY. If not she's going to turn his son's against each other permanently.

soomiwork avatar
Soomi work
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You absolutely did the right thing. To do otherwise is unimaginable. To go on a family vacation and exclude one of the children? Who would even think that’s a possibility? Rose would not have done that if Leo was her boy no matter how moody he is. Leo is a 14 year old who lost his mother - as a 9 year old. That has to be the worst age to lose a mother. That may cause someone to be an introvert. Without you protecting him, he has no real family. Rose wants to exclude him from your family instead of supporting him. She should have never married you if she wasn’t fully committed to both of your boys.

d_nicolehiljus avatar
D. Nicole Hiljus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She does not adore your children! Her favor depends entirely on the amount of attention she receives. She's willing to go to any lengths to make sure the situation makes her feel good and she doesn't care what she has to do, who she hurts (even a child) or what turmoil she creates. That's narcissism, it does not get better and it will cause lasting damage not only to your introvert child but to the whole family. It already has. I recommend spending that vacay money on a family therapy for you and your son's.

lorilathrom avatar
Lori Lathrom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is no wonder the kid is depressed. He is Cinderfella. It’s bad enough losing a parent but then to have dad marry a child abuser? Drop her like a bad habit Dad. Show your boys they come first. Take the boys to Disney world. Tell her when you get back she better be gone. And get some therapy for you and the boys. He has been bottling up his feelings to keep from hurting you.

debbrouhard avatar
Deb Brouhard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP married the fantasy, lives with the lie and now needs to divorce the mistake. She did as many people do, pretend to adore, love, care about your kids, only to reveal her true self later. You married a mean, bullying person, who will ultimately destroy your family. When she returns from her sister hand her divorce papers. No matter what she says, she won't nor can't change her innate personality traits. Plus she deliberately lied to your second child. She's gotta go.

theresaharris avatar
Theresa Harris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rose sounds like a Narcissist! Manipulating everyone to get her way! He better divorce her and run! It is only going to get worse!

champnoiseshanna avatar
Shanna Pugh-Champnoise
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I did something like that my husband would have already had my bags packed and on the front porch. Its bad enough she manipulated but the outright lying is the unforgivable part as well as trying to drive a wedge between the brothers. Shes a horrible person that is not stepmom material. Get rid of her

amyj7485 avatar
Amy Johnson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh Daddy I'm so sorry to tell you this but your new wife is the worst... I'm a step mom to a 16 yr old... I inherited him full time when his mother passed away unexpectedly 8 yrs ago, his father has since gone to prison and he is solely in my care. I adore him and he is mine. When you find a woman who truly loves and cares for your children marry her and please get these boys some counseling it's not shameful it's what they need to deal with the loss and guilt they feel. Best of luck

karenvilla9428 avatar
Karen Villa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the same thing my brother and I had to endure. It will only get worse with time. When my brother and I lived with my Father Esteban and his new spouse Sandra she did the same thing of bullying my brother and I. She has always only wanted everything to be only about her kids Kevin and Yaneilly. She could not stand my dad buying anything for my brother or I even if they were basic necessities. I noticed she got a satisfaction out of being able to treat us anyway she wanted and not being held accountable for her actions. My father was always aware of this but never did anything to put a stop to it out of fear that she would leave him (this was always her threat when he tried to put his foot down) he was 40 and she was 20 when they got together. I always know it was Jealousy that she felt because she only wanted it about her kids. She liked to talk bad about my brother and I to family and friends. I first became aware of this by one of my friends at school when I was in 5th grade.

silicatile avatar
Silica Tile
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Classic toxic, manipulative and narcissistic behavior. This woman Rose is piece of work. She doesn't give a dam about anyone but herself and if she can't mold everyone around her to be the people she wants to be around, she will have then removed. Creating strife and destroying relationships between family is a common tactic so they can't tighten their grip of control over their partners. I had an ex girlfriend do it with me and she almost had me turned against my whole family before I snapped out of it and dumped her toxic a*s.

doloreseilerts avatar
dolores eilerts
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This woman is not going too change, she is a pot stirrer. It's going too get worse. High school, driving, a car, college,job. Friends. . She is a blatant liar, something she is teaching the boys. God forbid be she gets away bc with it. Just be too get I been her a power of feel good. Pitting Brother against brother. UNFORGIVABLE. DAD YOU BROUGHT THESE CHILDREN INTO THIS WORLD TOO LOVE AND CHERISH. T HI IS IS HOW THEY WILL SEE YOU WHEN YOU GROW OLD?

frozenwaters456 avatar
Luke Oakridge
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While your advice is good, you seem to put the blame on the father if he stays with the step mother. I think that if it had been a step father who had done this, people would be sympathizing more with the mother rather than blaming her for being with the step father in the first place.

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luziabielefeld avatar
Lu Bielefeld
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Preserve the emotional safety of your teen son and dump the b***h! She's toxic to your family and has turned on each other with lies and intrigue.

jasminearabia avatar
Jasmine Arabia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would leave her. It's only going to get worse, her manipulative tactics will get more creative. Don't be fooled into thinking this was an accident. Narcissistic people will gaslight their partner into thinking that they didn't mean to do something when they clearly did. Staying with this woman regardless of her apology and her promises to make things better, will inevitably mess your child up even more. It sounds like your child is suffering from depression and anxiety and needs to see a counselor or therapist even if they don't want to. It is very important that you have your child see a therapist. In the beginning they might fight you on it, just like a child will fight you on eating their vegetables but it is what is right and it is what the child needs. Because if they don't get out how they feel right now it will hinder their academic progress, their ability to be social and make friends and ultimately it will mess up their whole life. That's not a good start to life.

alexaharris avatar
Alexa Harris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow she is a narcissist! I don't want to tell this guy to call it quits but SO MANY RED FLAGS! She is conditioning his sons to turn against each other and eventually him to get her way. She is trying to puppeteer the whole family. Pin the sins against each other and the father and the father against his own son who is clearly hurting. The 14yo really needs his Dad alot rn. He is trying to avoid getting close to people since he has experienced so much loss at such a young age. Perhaps getting married so soon was not great for the family. 5 years after their mom passed to be remarried may have been too soon for them. She lies alot and doesn't care about his sons at all. She plots against them all and plays victim to the world about it all. Terrible woman.

spiekarz avatar
Shayla Katherina
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I sure hope this man chooses his kids over his new wife. I've seen far too often where a man marries a woman that ends up driving him away from his kids and family. Rose needs to go.

soulffle avatar
Ann Wall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry to say, but you married a manipulative b@&ch. It would not surprise me if she has said or done something ( or that he has seen or found out something) to the 14 year old that you know nothing about. You might find out that he has been keeping things to himself because he thinks he cannot win. But most importantly, he doesn't want you to be hurt or be the cause of a blowout between you and her. You never know what kids are holding onto -may be some of the cause of his "loner" tendancies. Your 14 y/o son can see through her while you cannot. Heck, I'm grown and I'd stay as far away from her as humanely possible! Take your sons and run!

traceymunkres avatar
Emily
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have left her at home and taken the boys. Byeeeee!

bethmullen_1 avatar
Beth Mullen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are NTA. Your wife's decision to cancel ticket without consulting you is selfish , petty and mean spirited. Take the trip with your son's and try to repair the bond as that she chose to rip apart by lying. So to your wife needed time away what she didn't want to face the s**t storm she created. As some one mentioned it could just be your son's personality or depression( he has been through a lot and he must know that his step mom wants him to just disappear so it he won't irritate her sensibilities. You and your new wife need counseling. I think it might opeyour eyes to your new wife's immaturity and spite.

patricia_smith_1 avatar
Patricia Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree that this behavior is on going situation and I believe that on some level you've been aware maybe not way in the beginning you probably told yourself nah I'm imagining it it's just this time it was way too obvious especially since she lied and manipulated your other son which you know for certain now has also been on going deliberately creating a wedge between the two brother's so that she can have her way is the lowest of low can she be fixed with some therapy I don't know does she want to be fixed No! She believes she did nothing wrong she justifies it with herself because she wants her way no matter what harm she causes to other's and she's proven that I hope this helps you with the decisions you have to make and you already know the answer to that

selinaspecker avatar
selina specker
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like I have seen and dealt with a lot of this c**p. From someone who's seen this happen to family over and over from the bottom of my heart, leave that woman. Leave her for your kids health. Leave her for your health. If you don't it will be long and messy and will irrevocably damage your family. Leo is at a very delicate age, and your wife is going to teach him that he isn't worth the effort (among other things) he will be LUCKY if he can work though this with expensive therapy. Your other son is learning to blame him also. Which is a whole other can of snakes. That could become a pattern in his life, though he may not realize it. These are just SOME problems that will arise from what has already taken place. People like your wife, will always find someone else to blame and I've lost years of my life trying to be perfect for other people and trying to fix them or make them see the error of their ways. You will always lose.

hopetirendi avatar
Hope Tirendi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Figuratively punt her like a football right out the door. Take this time to pack all of her c**p up and dump it on her sisters lawn. I guarentee the house belongs to him so she has no leg to stand on especially after only one year!

alysonfrazier avatar
Alyson Frazier
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was blessed beyond measure to have a (step)father who loved me for over 40 years.Daddy became angry when anyone said I was "just his stepdaughter"I was his daughter as far as he was concerned. It NATTERS how your children are being treated by a stepparent. Our family watched with sadness and anger how a stepfather, decimated 3 young girls self esteem and feeling if they were truly loved by the stepparent, during their preteen and teen years. They are also angry because they feel that their mother didn't speak up for them enough. This abusive marriage and household has lasting effects that didn't end once the marriage was over. Please plan memories and special times with your sons and then find someone who will put the welfare of your children above all else.

xenia-schoenmakers avatar
Nope
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a step parent you she has no rights to tell your kids what to do and complain about them. But yes you're a AH for still being with her. When she complains about him and put him out off family trips it's already clear that she is terrible. And when you weren't doing something in the first place you chosed her over your son. From what I read you are a good parent don't let this witch change that.

suuspuusje avatar
Susie Elle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Your child won't validate my fun-mom-ness so now I'm punishing him for it and blackmailing him as I go as well." So the kid is more introverted than the rest and now he's being blamed for being moody? I'd divorce her or at least go into some family therapy because this will scar Leo for life if the family not getting to do something fun because mom assumes he won't want to do it anyway so now nobody can because he's supposedly moody and somehow that's all Leo's fault. She's setting up fights between children on purpose. That's some sick behaviour.

marilynrussell avatar
Marilyn Russell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The poor boy is depressed and confused - that’s his crime. And he’s a teenager with his prefrontal cortex coming on line. What a time for him and his stepmother can’t cut him any slack. He needs a counsellor even if he thinks he doesn’t. Spoken as someone who lost their mom at age 11 to suicide. The loss of a parent never goes away. A trip right now isn’t the best idea before all this is addressed. He needs a safe and stable home environment where he can feel safe.

teruguillen avatar
Teru Reznicek
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You’re a great father. However, try to hold for a moment your reactions and think more before you act. Don’t force people into complying what you think it’s best. Adam will go on that vacation and maybe Rose should come too. You all need to learn from this lesson. Don’t let it define you as a family. Keep supporting your boys. Men are more fragile than we expect. Boys get broken too. Best of luck!

slw303 avatar
SuePrew
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bruiscear, up above (second from bottom), said it just right on the nose. That is exactly it. It will not get any better IMO.

yvonne-preisinger avatar
zartesferkel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one triggered me, as I have seen similar. Fully understandable that he wants to save his marriage as he managed to find someone new after so much loss. Might be however, that he married the evil stepmother. The lying, the trying to separate him from the rest of the family, playing the boys, so she can say she is right, in order to continue. It does a lot of harm to the boys. Also to the husband obviously. There is something like the evil woman, who wants the man she catched only for herself and destroys everyone in her way - the fairytales have a true core here. It's just sad.

yvonne-preisinger avatar
zartesferkel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. This one got me triggered, as I have seen similar. I fully understand that he is trying to get the marriage work, as he lost his first wife tragically and found someone new. And he seems like someone who wants to see the best in people. In this case however my fully unprofessional opinion is, that he might have married the evil stepmother. Such people exist and she is showing alarming behaviour with the lying, trying to get the familiy "to her side" to be able to continue to exclude the son. The harm done to the family and the two sons is probably heavy and he should think hard about if that is really worth it. In my opinion - no it isn't.

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From Freaky Friday , the future Step dad 'Ryan' said to Tess that she put her children first and that was exactly how he wanted it. At the rehearsal dinner, he told Tess (unknowingly Anna) that he will wait until Anna was ready on her time and in her own way she will accept him. So later, it was said that 'if you just give them a little room.....' So it's really the step parent to allow some adjustment , not the child.

lara_harris avatar
Lara Harris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand how you go from death of a wife and dealing with two young kids grief, to married again within 4 years.

minorshan avatar
Shannon Ongley
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

JFC, this reminds me of a friend of mine in high school. He was an odd but, but in a fringey goththy dork way. They were Mormonish, didn't go to worship often. He came home one day to find his family had gone on a vacation without him. It wasn't the first time. He tore the place apart (age 16) in a rage of hurt, ran away for a few days, but came back before they did (they didn't tell him it would be 1.5 week, didn't leave money). He stepped in front of a train at age 19. He wasn't adopted. He was a middle child of a "stable" family. If any of this sounds like someone you know, reach out. I was a dumb teen, at 17, when it happened and didn't know warning signs.

jaybird3939 avatar
Jaybird3939
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who lost a parent early, I hope you offer therapy for both your kids. I wasn't given that chance and now I'm extremely introverted, uncomfortable around others and not very sociable. Losing a parent is so hard, but especially as a young person. Even though they know you love them, Rose is doing her darndest to alienate them. Don't let her.

rix_1 avatar
Arenite
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get out now! This woman is poison, already trying to run your sons out so she can have you all to herself.

alexiatr avatar
Alexia Tr
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You don't have kids with her? Good, run for your life away from her. She is a manipulative narcissist and will make more damage to your family. She already has your two boys fighting. Sad you found out 5 years into it but better now than never.

brandielitchfield avatar
Brandie Litchfield
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You will see what she's really like soon enough, when you choose your children's well-being over narcissistic stepmom. I agree, she has most likely be quite manipulative of both of your son's during this entire time, three grieving family members are easy pickings for a narcissist ---revictimize the victims... I feel bad for position OP is in, but if you do not defend boundaries to protect your children now--she will Weasle her way back in and damage your boys irreparably. Do not even consider salvaging any relationship with the evil Stepmom, this is your chance to help your boys and they will respect you for forever. Family is all we really have, when it comes right down to it. Take care of each other and teach them REAL family values, not how to let a sociopath ruin y'all's life for next decade and spend forever in therapy for it....

tealeaves777 avatar
Just Jenn; not a ...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is kind of how your son's brain works and, it is not a choice. I could go on and on but I won't. My biggest issue is; my reason for signing up for an account on this bored panda thing; I'm worried about your son and, others like him. They are misunderstood and; because of that; often mistreated. People; the world; tell Leo, that there is something wrong with him and; sadly over time; it makes Leo think that there is something wrong with him. Which can really lead to depression. I'm not saying he doesn't have it now he might it's understandable with what he's gone through with losing his mom and probably other things however I do not believe all his symptoms are because of depression; I think he is a functionalist they are thinkers, they go inside their head.

tealeaves777 avatar
Just Jenn; not a ...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

doesn't have any food. Of course there are always the people out there that will say; they'll split the food they'll find a way to share with everybody but; the truth of the matter is; you are the father of your children and, it is your responsibility to feed your children; as it is the father next door's responsibility, to feed his children. In some ways it will seem selfish to you to not share but the truth; is as selfish as it may seem as rude as it may seem; you are responsible for your children and so you will feed your children... survival of the fittest.

tealeaves777 avatar
Just Jenn; not a ...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hello I will try to be brief. You're son; Leo; is what I call a functionalist. The wording might change later on; it's still something I'm working on. Of course I'm also saying that generally since I do not know him personally I can't say for sure but according to your description of him; he is a functionalist. I'm working on trying to change the world's perception of people like him because people; meaning, most of the world's population; do not understand people like Leo. Speaking generally; the world thinks Leo; and people like him; to be rude, self centered, aloof, uninterested ...etc. The truth is; the world is not completely wrong but... there is a reason for it. For conversation sake; Leo's brain, works mostly with what he needs (his survival and his interests) and; what he does not need to worry about (other people's survival and interests). It does not mean that he doesn't care. Think of it this way. You only have enough food to feed your family but, the family next door

janellecollard avatar
Janelle Collard
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hope OP kept Leo + dumped the wife! (And PLEASE get Leo help for his depression/social anxiety/etc.)

nicolesardinha avatar
Nicole Sardinha
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex and I divorced but we amicable co parented, got new partners, had more children. One day my sons stepmother, while having a couple of drinks let it slip that she hated my son… I almost fell to my knees with pain and anger because my little boy felt it. I told my ex, and all I will say is my lion knew that his dad has his back Your wife is a liar. A dangerous one. She does not love your son and you need to impress upon your other son that you three will always come first. Let no one divide the core element…you three. And she involved outside family is more drama. I’m sure she has good qualities, you married her, but nothing negates the fact that she does not like him. She could have tried a lot harder. Too much effort. Focus on your boys…they need you to protect them from her emotional family abuse. If worst comes to worst, divorce her. Easier said than done…I started with she’s a liar, and I end with “she’s a liar” Read the book People of the Lie by Scott Peck

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Emily Raterman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

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imjustapussycat avatar
Sheri Lowe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You did the right thing by canceling the entire vacation. Your wife canceling your son's ticket is a HUGE red flag because it reveals a total lack of respect for both you and your son. This indifference to yourfeelings is shocking, especially in the secret conniving way she did it. Very manipulative behavior indicative of a narcissistic personality or some other personality disorder that only spells trouble for you and your two boys. Even the way she handled the vacation cancelation is reminescint of a disturbed personality. Please put your sons first. You mentioned that they are suffering not only the loss of their mother, one of life's most horrible things to experience, a remarriage AND moving away from friends, which is horrific for teenagers. They need friends to help support them through grief and change in a way parents and adults cannot, but on top it they lost a cousin. I cannot imagine the pain they're feeling. Please, please put your boys first and keep a close eye on her

bettesuesolender_1 avatar
Bette Sue Solender
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh my gosh, all the opinions I read agree that Rose is.Definitely the culprit here as She is causing All the bad feelings between each of you. She Is a terrible troublemaker with a capital T. Some family counseling is necessary here but if counseling doesn't help to resolve the issues, your boys need to know You love and care about them and want to do the right thing for them. They were here Before She was. They come First. She does Not want to be a "team player"; she is trying very hard to Drive you Apart and set Herself up as The Boss here. You are NTA; She is. You have a lot of work to do now to enforce that You're the Real Head of the family, You have to make the important decisions for the boys' lives. Their security and happiness comes from you "having Their backs" All the time. They rely on and Need You.to "be there" for Them. She doesn't love them as you had thought and hoped; she wants them Out of her way, especially Leo. Permanently.and Immediately. Be wise and tread carefully

kimberlywiltshire avatar
Kimberly Wiltshire
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I.think you need to rethink your relationship with Rose. However, your son needs some help dealing with the traumas ge has been through. Confronting.these things is harf, but withdrawing wont solve them. It will get worse. It doesnt go away by not facing up to them. Facing up to them is hard, really hard but it will give him a .much bigger chance of living a more fullfilling and authentic life as an adult. Rose is manipulating everyone, maybe out of frusteration because she feels powerless when she knows he needs help but all that is happening is just leaving him be. However, the way she is acting is immature and counterintuitive. Either way your son needs professional help.

dollie_ricketts avatar
Dollie Ricketts Horaney
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So the fact that the wife went behind his back and changed the vacation plans without talking to him is a red flag in its own right. Then those plans exclude one of his children? Then left him to find somewhere for said kid to stay at the last minute? Even without all the complicated family dynamics and manipulation going on, that is a shitty thing to do

lorismothers avatar
Lori Smothers
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m so proud of Leo’s dad. A parents first priority is to their children. I am a stepmother of 3 and had 3 of my own. Our lives were definitely full of conflict but we both persevered and 30 years later we both tell our children and stepchildren that we love them anytime we talk to them and it is reciprocated. It’s hard some times but that is the goal of a blended marriage- it’s what you sign up for. If she’s not up to the role then dad needs to protect his sons from the rejection and get out.

nagnagchampa3 avatar
nagna
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The issue will resolve itself when kid will commit suicide. It looks like it's going straight there. Poor baby but not good enough so...

whdove007 avatar
Sheila Ca
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Leave no child behind., for family includes all..Everyone needs to keep the peace and have fun, playing road games along the way, having food & drinks, and comfort along the trip.

carijames avatar
Cari James
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m F38 and have two daughters 15 and 18 and a son that is six. My daughters live with me and their stepfather of 13 yrs. In the beginning my husband treated my girls different based on their personalities. He treated both of them good though so I didn’t think nothing of it. As time went on the outer they got my oldest started having a real problem with it because he would at times handle situations different with her because her personality was very strong and outspoken and all it did was create problems in the household between my girls and my daughter and I have a very hard relationship now that I have been trying to mend for way too long and her and her stepdad have an extremely strained relationship as well. I wish I could go back and correct his mistakes and excluding her at times and making excuses. And it’s a good firm talking to your wife about it doesn’t change her ways then I would honestly get a divorce. Don’t make the mistake I did and let it get worse. He will blame you.

patricia_5 avatar
Patricia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just ask did you marry a child? Because she's acting like one. Your son needs a person to take some time with him not throw him to the wolf's. He loss his mom and you marry this child who clearly does like him. I can't tell you about your marriage but if she doesn't see her mistake and trying to blame the child he will never trust her; which will cause future problems. She needs to know shes a parent of teenagers and they are wishywashy anyway but to lose a mother OMG. You all really need family counseling but please hug your son and reassure him he haven't did anything wrong.

sandra_r_wright avatar
Steven Wright
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am a stepmom. My husband's first wife left him and I inherited three children. I love them like they were my own but the back and forth and the lies and the manipulation from their biological mother were very hard to deal with. Rose has none of that to deal with. And she's not dealing well at all with the responsibilities that you have given her. You've got to do something for your children. Even if it is just a legal separation until your children are raised and through that time you can figure out whether you and Rose are really in love. Healthy love is definitely someone who will honor you and those you love. Someone who is in your corner and working with you. My step kids love me. They give me calls on mother's Day and I've gotten bouquets from them and gifts from them. My oldest is 27. I love them and I want the best for them and I worked hard putting aside my own emotions to promote what was best for them. I don't think I'm an abnormal stepmother in that respect.

renate_stargardt avatar
Awsomemom52
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First of all... it's good that the father gets to the bottom of the whole thing, so thoroughly and doesn't naïvely trust his wife, without questioning her. He really should have family therapy (him with Leo and Adam) to work through the grief and everything else. My sons spent a lot of time with my parents, when their father and I were working. When they died, it hit my boys (3 and 9 at that time) very deeply... and their father's departure (6 month later) didn't make it any better. Their dads new girlfriend (19 then, 10 years his junior) never showed much interest in the boys (3 and 9 then)and was annoyed most of the time, when they visited their dad for the weekend. If I hadn't been in a deep depression myself at the time, I might have managed to get them (and myself) to see a therapist. But I was on "autopilot" for the following years... somehow kept it going. All of that strained the relationship to their father, who probably was also overwhelmed with the situation and they're no

michellejordan avatar
Michelle Jordan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe the reason why your son has become so introverted could be the result of your current wife's remarks, insults or exclusions from family functions. And because your son doesn't want to cause problems between you and your current wife, he has never said anything to you or anyone else in the family about the way she treats him (behind your back or subtly saying negative things to his brother) and especially by excluding him from family outings or functions without even asking him or wanting him to be a part of the family. Adults seem to be far bigger bullies than peers of your children. And considering how she down right lied to your oldest son about the whole trip situation, seems like she is trying to tear your family apart and eventually she will run both your children out of your life, unless you take action now to prevent anymore problems for you and your children. She's extremely jealous of your children and she doesn't want to be a "parental role model/figure" for your boys.

christinaarnold avatar
Christina Arnold
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have 2 kids ...single parent So sorry you had such a tragedy in your family. The woman is messing with your son's mental health. Any adult step parent that cancels a teens vacation with their only living parent should not be a step parent. Your son's has the right to be moody. Once your son's completely depressed you could lose him. This woman's not worth it

deborahmurphy avatar
Deborah Murphy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When you marry someone with children, it is a package deal. I and my husband each had a child from a previous marriage. And that is exactly what I told him. Then I took his son on as my own. I couldn't love him more, if I'd have him myself.

babycatg2002 avatar
Cat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's selfish to exclude the stepson she doesn't like, but it's downright malicious to turn siblings against each other.

jjleaders avatar
Jocelyn Leaders
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or, if I may, Individual and family counseling before deciding. As a whole we have a strong tendency to react to situations based on our own self judgments without being aware of it. Everyone digests "trauma" diffrently. Our chemical make-up also plays a major role on this as well. We also create a "prejudice" onto others as well, based on our interpretaion of the trauma(s). Pointing blame is not healing. Finding understanding on everyone's part will take trust while feeling vounerable. This is a horrible position for everyone to be in. We encourage and support our loved ones while respecting the boundaries of ourself and others. Finding the middle path will be the GREATEST reward. As our bodies grow we have growing pains. Same goes for relationships, there will be growing pains. Find out eachothers non-negotiables and all ranges of interst will be key in any planning.

zombiedeer avatar
Becca Burrer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rose is a selfish b***h, yes I am being brutally honest. You need to divorce her, she is the root of all the problems. Pitting one brother against another brother is just evil on her part, seems she can't face the consequences for her actions and it will only further alienate your son. He does not need that toxic behavior!!!

mbesse0624 avatar
Mary Besse
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's an awful and narcissistic person! Cut ties now and mend the family of all the bad she did. Divorce and don't look back!

labcat68 avatar
Sharon B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's hard growing up. I can't imagine how much harder after losing a parent at that young age. It would be a scary place. If parents aren't their kids greatest supporters, their rocks, who have the kids got? Take a deep breath. Reign in tbe anger . Kids so often misinterpret the cause of that anger and think it's their fault. I'm sorry for you. You're NTA fir canceling a trip that had gone sideways before it began. But please get your kids to understand that you're not angry with them and you're there for them. I don't envy you. You're in a very hard spot. Best if luck to you.

tzipporahs avatar
commentaryonyourlife
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please consider sitting down with Adam and Leo with Rose, when she returns. Rose needs to understanding that she cannot secretly drive a wedge between your family. Adams needs to hear that what she said him was not true and wrong. Leo needs to know that you defended him. Rose needs to know that will no work in this house and don’t try it again! Rose is the special one and the one needs to grow up and act her age!

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Thomas Hunt, Jr.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a guy who grew up introverted and shy, I can't just sit, read and move on. What I hear/have read is that step mom can't deal with an introverted youth and hasn't connected on an emotional level with that particular child. My guess is that she just doesn't know how to work with, work through, but most importantly listen to what Leo has to say. To me it's not about being bullied YET, it's a lack of awareness and understanding. Major red flag right there. She's on the edge of crossing the line of being a bully. I grew up with bullies my entire childhood, teenhood, and young adulthood. I commend the father's stance on this matter. His father listens and tried to understand. It's a hell of a lot more than what I got. My parents tried to convince themselves and me that I was normal without trying to solve any problems. Gotta love the 80s, lol. A good sit down with Rose is needed. Then with the boys included, though I would honestly suggest family counseling.

kylelisa42 avatar
dorkus
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dang. I had a bully step parent who played favorites and the damage he did to our family relationships is never going to be healed.

vjsmart2001 avatar
SupernaturalPanda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA Talk to a divorce lawyer or this is going to end very badly for you

howie0077 avatar
Brenda Souliere
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Family therapy. If you have to drag them all kicking and screaming, do it. Find someone you’re all comfortable especially your boys. From where I sit that’s the only thing that is going to salvage your wife’s relationship with your sons if that possible. It’s also the only thing that will save your marriage again, if that’s possible. You may want to participate if couple counseling as well. I am a (step) mother myself although I never refer to myself as “step”. I am his mom. I understand it’s not always easy but with love and patience it will work out. Please, for everyone’s sake don’t wait a minute longer.

lorahbee avatar
Laura Campos
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get thee to family counseling right now. If she won't go, it's a sign that she's the AH.

kathinka avatar
Katinka Min
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hm...Maybe not an a*****e but certainly someone who doesn't know how to handle a conflict. Escalating somethign to this degree is not a good idea - as he is now finding out. I do the a divorce in the future, though. Cancelling the ticket is already pretty insane, but lying to Adam about Leo is just gross.

tealeaves777 avatar
Just Jenn; not a ...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

also hope that you understand that it is difficult to understand people like your son when it comes to people like your wife, of course I'm assuming because I do not know any of them personally but I'm pretty sure I got it. I do not know your wife so I really don't know what kind of person she is but I will say that when you guys decided to do the Brady Bunch thing; it's tough on everybody.  Maybe it was her way of teaching your son, a lesson. So that he'll fight to be included that he'll want to be included and not take for granted, doing things with his family. I don't know again I don't know her but I'm kind of hoping, but that's maybe her reasoning even if she doesn't realize it. Again I apologize I just go off on tangents and; sorry, I wrote this on a memo thing, then copied and pasted, which is why it's out of order. I wish you luck sir :)

tealeaves777 avatar
Just Jenn; not a ...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the brains of both; functionalist and emotionalists. For example Rose. I don't know if she's an emotionalist or a functionalist but I can tell you it's very possible that what's going on, could be affecting her functional side. Meaning let's say she's the happy-go-lucky type and, thinks family should just have a good time and be family together but, what Leo is and does; does not make sense to her brain; which is possibly why she acted so irrationally. Oh wait, just like you. You didn't just cancel her out of the vacation, you canceled the whole thing and then regretted it later; not complete regret but, some. You felt something had to be done. ...and the big reason why... is because you found out Your Wife canceled, not the whole family vacation, just one person, your kid your little boy...wow that doesn't make sense; does it? It really messed with you; didn't it? Well anyway I just realized that I did a lot more talking than I wanted to; so I just like to apologize for that but, I

tealeaves777 avatar
Just Jenn; not a ...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's really really tough for them because when something happens that does not make sense they feel sometimes like they can't move forward without making sense of it. It's why you see people sometimes get stuck in their life. If somebody says 5 + 5 = 258 your brain is going to stop and, pause and say huh? Because it doesn't make sense. But you will unpause because your brain will make sense of it by saying the real answer and, move on. When something happens in our world that doesn't make sense and we can't make sense some people get stuck because they can't live without making sense of it. Of course there is no pause button in this world so even when something happens it doesn't make sense we can't just hit pause until we make sense of it; so part of our brain continues on living normal life, so to speak, while another part of our brain; does not. ... and I say that not just for functionalist but, also for what I call emotionalists. The getting stuck thing is a process that happens in

boredpanda_99 avatar
SirWriteALot
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Teach your kids that they are family and whatever influence there is out there, they need to work things out amongs themselves. Sibling rivalry., family disputes ... I don't know how many times I've wished my brother to dissapear but I'd take a bullet for him. Brothers need to hash things out, but they need to know that they are connected on another level than anyone else. It'll help them through the b******t etc. And even if they have a row ... it'll be their row, not anyone else's.

msdcallahan64 avatar
Dawn Marie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do not condone the lying to Adam at all, but with these sit downs, have you attempted to sit Rose and Leo down and talk with both of them about the whole situation?? With that you'll see right away, who is willing to work on mending this relationship and who is not. I'm a stepmom and it is not easy, but i do my best with them because i live my husband, do they love me? Nope, are we buddies? Nope. But we live the same man and i involve them in everything we do, join us or don't, their choice. They don't have to love me, but they have to show respect and they will get respect. As an adult she should have have gone to Leo herself and asked if there was anything she was doing that upset him and made him not want to join them. Blending families is one of the hardest things you'll ever do, some people make it, lots of people don't, in ending my short story here, lastly NEVER choose anyone before your child. Good luck

joshhowe avatar
Josh Howe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You don't sit down a child with his abuser the child will never admit anything. I know I have been questioned in front of my stepfather about abuse and I and my brother both lied and said nope we are fine. She is sending out red flags like crazy and maybe you have lived an innocent abuse free life but I see all the signs or a child abuser in this woman. Respect is earned not given. You don't just get respect cause you married a child's mom or dad.

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dylanparra avatar
Dylan Parra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd try and communicate with rose, ask her to go get dinner go watch a movie and then communicate see if you can actually resolve it, stop acting like time and space is going to fix an issue, you can figure it out right now, you married her for a reason, is there an actual reason she's upset outside of this? You know she's wrong she honestly probably knows shes wrong and knows she screwed up, I got kicked off of a cruise vacation when I was 14, it took me years to finally get over it, I snuck out to go to the gym and my mother said I was kicked off of the cruise, she later admitted she found me a pain the punishment didn't meet the offense, and she found me a pain and didn't want me on the cruise, we had to do was communicate, so go dig into her see why she's taking it out, whatever it is on your kid, everyone does things for a reason and it's deeper than not wanting to be around him. Regardless of what you do she needs therapy.

l48seaya avatar
Sea Ya
Community Member
1 year ago

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Maybe it's time for daddy to man up and teach his daughter how to be a son instead of a sissy. Replacing children is easy. And fun. You have sex and wait. Eventually another one pops out.

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J P
Community Member
1 year ago

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You need to sit her down and remind her he will always come first and anything even resembling this will be grounds for a divorce. Make her spend time with him and show she cares

tararay13 avatar
Tara Raay
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is not fair to that young man! Why should he be forced to spend time with this awful b***h? She’s already shown she DOESNT care and she’s a manipulative pos.

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izzycurer avatar
Izzy Curer
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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Speaking as someone who grew up with a narcissistic parent, I don't know if I actually believe Rose was trying to be malicious. I think she probably has insecurities and doesn't know what to do about a child who doesn't openly act like he likes her. I think she probably thought she was doing the right thing by assuming that he just didn't want to go. So, in short, I don't think she's evil, I think she's dumb about people and relationships, and probably isn't as keyed in to teenage vagaries as their mother would be. Since she told the older boy that Leo hadn't wanted to go, it almost makes me think something specific happened to make her think that. Like, maybe she asked Leo if he was excited about the trip, and he shrugged, and she misinterpreted that as him not caring to go. So, she thought 'why waste money on a ticket?' She should have asked him properly before making the cancelation, but maybe she thought she had. We're not hearing her side of the story, and this just isn't adding up

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