Woman Takes Care Of Her Grandpa, Everyone Else In The Family Ignores Him Until He Passes Away And Leaves Everything To Her
Splitting the inheritance that a beloved family member leaves behind can be very traumatic and dramatic. While families that truly care for each other will immediately honor the deceased loved one’s wishes, in other situations, the reading of the will can bring out the very worst in some people.
When there’s a house up for grabs, some relatives might show just how greedy they really are inside… and God forbid that their jealousy flares up if you end up getting what they think they deserve. One redditor shared a touching story about how she took care of her grandfather after her grandmother passed away out of the kindness of her heart while everyone else in the family was happy to ignore him.
You’ll find the full story about what happened next and the jealous family’s aggressive reaction. When you’re done reading the story, we’d like to hear what you thought of the entire situation, dear Pandas.
Bored Panda reached out to financial expert Sam Dogen, author of ‘Buy This, Not That: How to Spend Your Way to Wealth and Freedom’ and the founder of Financial Samurai, for a chat about why some people fight over inheritance, and how to keep greed and envy in check. Read on to see what he thinks.
A woman turned to the AITA community for advice on how to handle her family’s reaction to her grandfather’s wishes
Image credits: Pexels (not the actual photo))
Here’s the story in full. It shows some of the best and worst of what humankind has to offer
Image credits: Unsplash (not the actual photo))
Image credits: aIt_throwthrow
Bored Panda wanted to understand why dividing up the family inheritance brings out the worst in some people. Financial expert and author Sam told us that the people who fight over inheritance are usually entitled.
“It’s the sense of entitlement people have for other people’s money. The more entitled you feel, the worse you will act if you don’t get what you want,” he explained.
“If you’re going into a will reading expecting anything more than nothing, you’ve already got ill intentions. It’s best to expect nothing. This way, if you get anything, it’s an upside. And if you get nothing, you won’t be disappointed.”
Meanwhile, the founder of Financial Samurai showed where the line lies between healthy self-interest and all-out greed.
“Self-interest is good for your survival and your family’s survival. But once you start expecting more at the expense of another, your greed may ruin your relationships with others,” he explained where the line lies.
“To keep envy in check, always go through the things you already have and be thankful. Instead of always comparing up, compare sideways or down. Think back to the difficult times you encountered and appreciate where you are today,” Sam told Bored Panda that gratitude is the antivenom to envy.
Sam stressed that the younger generation is feeling a lot of anxiety about how they’ll be able to afford homes and provide for a family in the future. “With the Baby Boomer generation accumulating so much wealth, it seems like Millennials and Gen Z might never catch up. However, there is one silver lining to this massive generational wealth difference,” he said.
“A massive generational wealth transfer is underway! It stands to reason younger generations will inherit tremendous wealth from the oldest generations. Therefore, an optimist can believe that everything will turn out OK in the end. All that is required is patience and being good to your elders!”
The author of the post was so shaken by her interaction with her entitled brother that she reached out to the AITA community for their advice. Even though she knew she was honoring her grandfather’s wishes by keeping the house, she still wanted to get some outside perspectives about the whole messy situation.
Her brother wanted the house and was certain he’d get it when his grandfather passed away. On the flip side, the author had no sneaky intentions of getting the house and simply took care of her granddad because it was the right thing to do and because she enjoyed his company. When he eventually left the house to her, the rest of the family was furious.
It’s not surprising that the vast majority of the AITA community thought that the author wasn’t a jerk. She did nothing wrong. Quite the opposite: she showed that she’s a kind, caring, selfless person who wasn’t expecting any reward at all (aside from her grandfather’s lovely company, of course).
One redditor, u/czndra67, probably put it best when they wrote: “You took care of your grandfather out of love, expecting nothing in return. Your dad and brother gave nothing, and expected everything in return. Keep the house. Your grandfather made the right decision.” Others agreed.
Whether she knew it or not, the author of the thread was behaving in a way that brings about a lot of happiness in a person’s life. Being altruistic, helping others, and socializing without expecting a reward are all things that make us happier.
“Think about how you can reach out and do things for others, help a neighbor or volunteer for a cause, we get happiness high from helping other people. Or start small and simply list three things that you can be grateful for each night before bed,” Sarah Vero from the team at ‘Action for Happiness’ shared with Bored Panda earlier how everyone can take a firm step towards a happier life by setting their egos aside and lending a helping hand.
Here are the 10 keys to happier living, according to Sarah: “Giving, relating, exercising, awareness, trying out, direction, resilience, emotions, acceptance, and meaning. We are likely to be happier if our lives have direction, meaning, and purpose and if we are part of something bigger than ourselves.”
“When we do things for others it activates the reward center in the brain, so when we give a gift it feels the same as receiving a gift,” Vanessa King, the Head of Psychology at ‘Action for Happiness’ told us previously that human beings are a social species and that helping each other is what keeps and binds us together as a community.
“Small daily actions one at a time can help us to make altruism a lifetime habit. You could start out small by deciding you are going to smile at everyone you meet or pay three people a compliment today,” she said that everyone can learn to be more altruistic. Even if things might not start out genuine, eventually, the individual starts being kind with no ulterior motives.
“Maybe at first, you start out doing things to help others only to get attention and praise, but you will find that doing things for others helps you feel good and when you see people’s responses. Once you see the difference you can make in the world and to your own happiness and altruism can grow naturally,” she said, adding that kindness tends to spread. The kinder we are to others, the kinder they will be to everyone else, in turn.
An overwhelming number of people were on the granddaughter’s side. Here’s what they had to say
Goodness, what a no-brainer. NTA NTA NTA. Stay in that lovely house filled with joy and love. Your parents and brother don't deserve that house. You stayed with your grandfather out of love never expecting a thing in return. Bless you.
Not necessarily a no-brainer. It's easy to say that as an outsider, but family members guilt-tripping you has a different kind of impact. You can't choose or change family, you have to live with these people and not everyone is strong enough to live through a feud.
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God killed his wife as a punishment for his sins? Is that supposed to convince people to become Christian? I'd happily tell the brother that he's going to get a much better reward for his life free of sin.
"Sorry Bro. Looks like God is punishing you for your arrogance by not letting you get this house."
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Apparently, this so-called Christian family forgot a few things about the faith they claim to follow. "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me." "Judge not, lest ye be judged."
Every single time I read a story like this, it makes me mad. We Christians are supposed to be living our lives the way Jesus did. We are supposed to help the needy, clothe the naked, feed the hungry, and nurse the sick. We are not supposed to be ignoring our elderly family members and then getting mad that they didn't leave us anything. These people are horrible and she doesn't need to give into their manipulation. Her brother needs to take care of his family himself and leave her alone.
Sadly, religion can impact many people in so many positive ways (helped my brother during his grieve after our mother passing) but the few rotten apples give a very bad name and very bad taste cause they use religion as a weapon to impose their views and control. So sad.
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I read the first sentence to "Christian" then felt suitably qualified to comment without reading any further 😉. It turns out that the family are anything but Christian in spirit or action - it's alway so. The worst people hide behind a faith.
But the true Christians are wonderful. Satan is having a field day attempting to drag Jesus into the dirt by smearing his name and reputation. The only reason so many people think Christians are awful is because it's only the bad apples (non-Christians) that make the news. The real ones just get on with life and don't make a big deal of their love and charity.
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Why am I not surprised...they do nothing for years, bad mouth his deceased wife, and threaten to put him in a home, but expect to get a share of his life's work...they got what they deserved and that is NOTHING. You shouldn't expect to get an inheritance because you're next in the bloodline. I know if I were to pass I would leave what was most important to me to the people that cared the most. If she gave them that house they would've probably sold it for the money. Keep the house and keep grandpas spirit alive.
NTA! - if inheritance makes you wish/wait someone's death to get his belongings then you don't deserves s ...t! Inheritance is not your Right, inheritance is a gift left for you put of love. This is exactly why I never accepted inheritance and made sure my own mum knows to spend it all without regrets. Keep the house, fill it with love and laughter, you took care of grandad out of love, you were there, you gave him your day, time and smile while helping him. Being a carer is tough work, you earned it, and your grandad's last gesture must be respected. Rest of family sign them out of your life if this doesn't settle, but under no circumstances give up the house! Your brother with some prayers and faith can get on the path of forgiveness and then maybe god passes him a house.
This is a real world example of Christians requiring women to be subservient with zero rights. Train them young and soon enough they believe that 11 is old enough to be raped and carry to term but never ever say gay or teach them their rights bc they’re too young…
These so-called Christians are prideful, arrogant, unloving, and materialistic. It's pretty self-serving to judge others, behave badly, then turn on someone who showed kindness to others. Most of the Christians I've known have been pretty decent people, which really contrasts the rare dogmatic a*****e as a bad example. I'm fortunate with where I live, as not every town has people who do try to get on with others.
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One indicator that she was not acting out of self-interest is that she did not quit her job to take care of her grandad. if she wanted to, she could have quit and taken care of him as equal trade for 24x7 care. But she did not. She expected to have to support herself at her accustomed level after he was gone. Keep the house, lady. Honor his wishes. NTA.
Tell them the the answer is in prayer, god moves in a mysterious ways. God knows what is best for them and it's all part of his big plan. The should not question gods will!!
I just dealt w/ the same kind of thing w/ my dad passing. My dad & I were best friends. From the moment I was born until the moment he passed. I'm a woman, I have 2 older brothers & my brothers actually didn't talk to my dad during my parents divorce (in their teens) for over 8 years, even did some horrible things to him at the request of my evil mom. (Smashed his truck windows, stole his s**t etc) & when my dad passed my oldest brother thought he'd be the executor of the will & be the one to decide who gets what. That didn't happen. My dad made me, the youngest the executor & left it all to me to decide what everyone gets & how everything is handled. Now, I'm not a greedy person. I could take everything n split. But I would never do that. But that's why my dad left me in charge. He knew I would never go there. My brothers are still pissed but idc. It's what my dad wanted & I made him a lot of promises I intend to keep & one of them is making sure his things are cherished. (1/2)
Do not give up that house. Do not give in to the greed. Your grandad wanted you to have it and that is not for you to decide to disregard. He loved you. You loved him. You deserve the beautiful house because you were not selfish & you gave him the best last years he could have asked for after losing his soulmate. That's worth so much & you did it for nothing. Also, why do ppl with kids think they're entitled to things that ppl who don't have kids have? If you're a parent who thinks this way... get over yourself. You're not special for having kids & nobody owes you s**t. If you can't afford the life you want because you had kids. That's a you problem. Nobody else owes you anything nor should you expect them to pity you & give you s**t just because you have children & they don't. Stop. You're an entitled prick.
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This is crazy because except for the religious aspect Im going to be in the exact same boat eventually. Im currently staying with my grandma in her amazing farm house because she's not doing well and cant really live by herself anymore. She's estranged from my mom and my aunts and uncle are concerned and helpful but busy with their own lives. My one aunt helps a lot and is very close with my grandma but she has her own house and property that she loves and has told my grandma that she doesnt want the responsibility of taking over the house. My grandma has already told me she plans on leaving the house to me but my other aunt and my uncle both think they're getting it. It's going to be an absolute disaster when my grandma passes and finds out I get everything
Make sure your grandma leaves a little something in her will to the aunt & uncle. That way they can't claim undue influence & contest the will. Check with your grandma's attorney & set up an appointment for her with the attorney.
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I'm a little bothered by 'second king', implying that the dad is the first. Not 'master' or 'lord' of the house (which is bad enough), but 'king'. I doubt the mom ever gets called 'queen'.
Make wills, both you and your husband. Make sure they have alternative beneficiaries for if your chosen person dies first - often couples get caught out thinking well if my spouse dies then I can make another will. Doesn't work if you die five minutes apart in the same car crash or whatever. Don't assume you will have time later if it's important to you, and it should be, to keep these assholes away from the house. And as for your brother, according to those gender rules your family loves so much it's his job to provide for his family. Not your fault he can't do that. You want the privileges of sexism you have to take the responsibilities too a*****e.
And they need to make sure to leave SOMETHING to the brother. We usually suggest a dollar. That way the person is unable to contest the will and if they really do push to try the courts realize the deceased was aware the person would try to contest it and wanted to ensure they had zero chance for it to go in their favor.
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I think you still have some work to do in therapy about your relationship with your brother. Your parents and childhood have influenced you to believe that he deserves to be favoured because no objective person would think you should give him the house. Distance yourself from these people and save any documentation showing their relationship with your grandfather (blaming his sins for his health issues, refusing to visit etc.) in case they try suing.
Your family is toxic. They have no concept of real Christianity. They use their Christianity as a weapon. Don’t get caught up in their games any more than any court action forces you to.
**My advice, if the house is causing stress from people you hadn't heard from for a long time, and now suddenly are, turn the home into a care centre for abandonded elders, or sell it and donate to a vetted NGO doing just that** Your parents money is theirs, and they should spend it entirely on themselves before passing leaving zilch left over. If they want to leave any remnants to you, a cat, or fill their pyramid with it...so be it. After raising you, possibly sending you to tertiary education and any other steps up as in this day and age its a shark infested hell pit without some sort of help, , nobody should not expect a penny more from their previous generation. My folks need to travel, experience all their hobbies as much as they can, see and hear and feel all life has to offer without needing to stress about me as they have done their innings. My own daughter is set and in fact gives ME things these days, even though she hasn't finished her studies yet.
I was in a similar situation. NTA. Oldest brother tried to push in but my folks already decided the executor (oldest sister) and I took care of him through hospice. DEF NTA.
The worst is that the brother HAS a house. He isn't homeless or anything. He just doesn't like what he has and wants something better. I notice he didn't even offer to swap houses, or to sell his current one and give the OP the proceeds in exchange for her house. He also has one child, who is still a baby. Unless he lives in a tiny home or a very rare single bedroom home, his current house likely has at least 2 bedrooms, and so yes, it is enough room for his family. He also has a job and two hands, to earn a larger home when they decide to expand their family.
OP's parents wanted to dump him in a home, and preached about him suffering for his sins? Worst hypocrites imaginable. Absolutely no way the OP should feel guilty. Grandfather left it to her both because he thought she deserved it, and because he probably thought her and her husband would restore the fun and laughter that he'd enjoyed there.
NTA. Your family is. Do NOT let them manipulate you with their nonsense.
Aren't Christians supposed to love and care for their family which includes seniors? Aren't they supposed to forgive supposed transgressions? Shouldn't they understand that when someone is I'll and close to death, it would be appropriate to call or visit them? Definitely NTA. I don't follow any religion but find it funny how the most religious people always seem to be the ones who refuse to see that they aren't even following the simplest, most fundamental tenets of their own religion.
I would tell your family that the answer is in prayer. Family is overrated don't let them guilt you into giving up on your grandfathers wishes.
There is lot of goodness and love in that house. Memories of your grandparents. Your grandfather wanted those memories to be with you in form of a house. A house is just four walls it's the pleasant memories that make it a home. He wanted you to have his home. Don't give it away. Treasure it.
Your Grandpa left the house to you ,not only looking after him cause you loved him all the joy he got from you Just stay firm sad thing is when people die they come out of the woodwork looking for some thing All they did was pretend Grandpa was nothing an they were going to be left with every thing selifsh stand your ground u do not have to do nothing for your brother or your parents
Why is this even an issue,you were there for you grandpa and those so called christians werent.Giving away the thing he willed to you would be like slapping your grandpa in the face.Grow a spine and tell relatives to p**s off.
Definitely Not The As*hole! My husband experienced a similar situation a few yrs ago when his parents passed. To this day he hasn't spoke to the sibling that Took everything she could. Even if they are related to you, people Are Greedy, Shallow, Self absorbed As*holes...
And for goodness' sake do what they said and make sure you and your husband have wills, written by a lawyer in this case since they're going to need to be iron clad to keep these grasping entitled d**k heads away from the house. Remember if you were killed almost simultaneously (ie car crash) you might inherit your husband's estate but then everything would go to YOUR next of kin so make sure you have alternatives written in for if your chosen beneficiary is dead. Also if your a*****e brother really believes in those gender roles he was raised with, it's his job to provide for his family. Not your fault he can't. (I believe it's both adults' responsibility obviously but he's the one who thinks he deserves s**t for being male. You get the privileges then you have to take the responsibilities too a*****e).
I don't usually comment on these but this time I have to. You are NTA. As everyone ahead of me said, you took care of him and showed him the love he deserved. Your parents and brother did nothing, but show a few tears and some grief when he died...they deserve nothing. Keep the house for you and your husband and children if you decide to have them. When my parents passed within one year of each other, they left all five of their children one fifth of everything they had. Which was not much. And when we had to clean out their belongings to get ready to sell they house, we did it together and there was no fighting or discourse whatsoever. The only thing requested by my older sister was if her son could have the furniture because he and his new wife had nothing.
NTA - you cared for you grandfather out of love, not an expectation of material gain; they ignored him out of false moral superiority. Your grandfather wanted you to have the house as you brought him joy and comfort in his final years. Keep it, make sure you have a will that clearly defines who it goes to after you.
NTA when you get inheriatance from someone that means that person (your grandad) wanted YOU to have it nobody else if he wanted your brother or dad to have it he would've put that in the will but it said YOU would have his house its YOURS nobody else you dont have to share it either keep the house and if i were you i would block your brother because i bet he wont stop asking you.
For the love of god don't give your family ANYTHING. Speaking from experience. A will that doesn't entail what the family expected can bring out the worst in people. They will start with guilt-tripping and if that doesn't work the accusations will start, painting the person who inherited what the others wanted as a greedy manipulator. But even giving them what they want will not solve the problem, they will still treat you like s**t, but now they have what was rightfully yours.
WTF is the trend of spelling paid as "PAYED"?! JFC people are so moronic.
100% NTA. You didn’t ask or expect this from your grandfather and giving these items to you was his choice. I’m sorry the rest of your family didn’t even try to help. That said - be the good example they so obviously need. Don’t hold a grudge (while firmly standing your ground!). I would be really generous about hosing family gatherings in the house and have a nicely appointed guest room (or two if you can) that your other family is welcome to stay over in (for the time of a regular visit - no longer). Sorry if they (family) don’t get it but at least you will know u have done as much as u can to help the situation
Who exactly "made" you read this? Take responsibility for yourself & don't click on the story. YTA for complaining about something you did to yourself.
Load More Replies... In this scenario, i doubt there are genuine YTA comments, unless they are trolls or "YTA to keep engaging with your family, go no contact asap" so there's no point. But i get you, showing aome contrast in the comments sometimes makes a more deep reflection on the matter.
Load More Replies... Goodness, what a no-brainer. NTA NTA NTA. Stay in that lovely house filled with joy and love. Your parents and brother don't deserve that house. You stayed with your grandfather out of love never expecting a thing in return. Bless you.
Not necessarily a no-brainer. It's easy to say that as an outsider, but family members guilt-tripping you has a different kind of impact. You can't choose or change family, you have to live with these people and not everyone is strong enough to live through a feud.
Load More Replies... God killed his wife as a punishment for his sins? Is that supposed to convince people to become Christian? I'd happily tell the brother that he's going to get a much better reward for his life free of sin.
"Sorry Bro. Looks like God is punishing you for your arrogance by not letting you get this house."
Load More Replies... Apparently, this so-called Christian family forgot a few things about the faith they claim to follow. "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me." "Judge not, lest ye be judged."
Every single time I read a story like this, it makes me mad. We Christians are supposed to be living our lives the way Jesus did. We are supposed to help the needy, clothe the naked, feed the hungry, and nurse the sick. We are not supposed to be ignoring our elderly family members and then getting mad that they didn't leave us anything. These people are horrible and she doesn't need to give into their manipulation. Her brother needs to take care of his family himself and leave her alone.
Sadly, religion can impact many people in so many positive ways (helped my brother during his grieve after our mother passing) but the few rotten apples give a very bad name and very bad taste cause they use religion as a weapon to impose their views and control. So sad.
Load More Replies... I read the first sentence to "Christian" then felt suitably qualified to comment without reading any further 😉. It turns out that the family are anything but Christian in spirit or action - it's alway so. The worst people hide behind a faith.
But the true Christians are wonderful. Satan is having a field day attempting to drag Jesus into the dirt by smearing his name and reputation. The only reason so many people think Christians are awful is because it's only the bad apples (non-Christians) that make the news. The real ones just get on with life and don't make a big deal of their love and charity.
Load More Replies... Why am I not surprised...they do nothing for years, bad mouth his deceased wife, and threaten to put him in a home, but expect to get a share of his life's work...they got what they deserved and that is NOTHING. You shouldn't expect to get an inheritance because you're next in the bloodline. I know if I were to pass I would leave what was most important to me to the people that cared the most. If she gave them that house they would've probably sold it for the money. Keep the house and keep grandpas spirit alive.
NTA! - if inheritance makes you wish/wait someone's death to get his belongings then you don't deserves s ...t! Inheritance is not your Right, inheritance is a gift left for you put of love. This is exactly why I never accepted inheritance and made sure my own mum knows to spend it all without regrets. Keep the house, fill it with love and laughter, you took care of grandad out of love, you were there, you gave him your day, time and smile while helping him. Being a carer is tough work, you earned it, and your grandad's last gesture must be respected. Rest of family sign them out of your life if this doesn't settle, but under no circumstances give up the house! Your brother with some prayers and faith can get on the path of forgiveness and then maybe god passes him a house.
This is a real world example of Christians requiring women to be subservient with zero rights. Train them young and soon enough they believe that 11 is old enough to be raped and carry to term but never ever say gay or teach them their rights bc they’re too young…
These so-called Christians are prideful, arrogant, unloving, and materialistic. It's pretty self-serving to judge others, behave badly, then turn on someone who showed kindness to others. Most of the Christians I've known have been pretty decent people, which really contrasts the rare dogmatic a*****e as a bad example. I'm fortunate with where I live, as not every town has people who do try to get on with others.
Load More Replies... One indicator that she was not acting out of self-interest is that she did not quit her job to take care of her grandad. if she wanted to, she could have quit and taken care of him as equal trade for 24x7 care. But she did not. She expected to have to support herself at her accustomed level after he was gone. Keep the house, lady. Honor his wishes. NTA.
Tell them the the answer is in prayer, god moves in a mysterious ways. God knows what is best for them and it's all part of his big plan. The should not question gods will!!
I just dealt w/ the same kind of thing w/ my dad passing. My dad & I were best friends. From the moment I was born until the moment he passed. I'm a woman, I have 2 older brothers & my brothers actually didn't talk to my dad during my parents divorce (in their teens) for over 8 years, even did some horrible things to him at the request of my evil mom. (Smashed his truck windows, stole his s**t etc) & when my dad passed my oldest brother thought he'd be the executor of the will & be the one to decide who gets what. That didn't happen. My dad made me, the youngest the executor & left it all to me to decide what everyone gets & how everything is handled. Now, I'm not a greedy person. I could take everything n split. But I would never do that. But that's why my dad left me in charge. He knew I would never go there. My brothers are still pissed but idc. It's what my dad wanted & I made him a lot of promises I intend to keep & one of them is making sure his things are cherished. (1/2)
Do not give up that house. Do not give in to the greed. Your grandad wanted you to have it and that is not for you to decide to disregard. He loved you. You loved him. You deserve the beautiful house because you were not selfish & you gave him the best last years he could have asked for after losing his soulmate. That's worth so much & you did it for nothing. Also, why do ppl with kids think they're entitled to things that ppl who don't have kids have? If you're a parent who thinks this way... get over yourself. You're not special for having kids & nobody owes you s**t. If you can't afford the life you want because you had kids. That's a you problem. Nobody else owes you anything nor should you expect them to pity you & give you s**t just because you have children & they don't. Stop. You're an entitled prick.
Load More Replies... This is crazy because except for the religious aspect Im going to be in the exact same boat eventually. Im currently staying with my grandma in her amazing farm house because she's not doing well and cant really live by herself anymore. She's estranged from my mom and my aunts and uncle are concerned and helpful but busy with their own lives. My one aunt helps a lot and is very close with my grandma but she has her own house and property that she loves and has told my grandma that she doesnt want the responsibility of taking over the house. My grandma has already told me she plans on leaving the house to me but my other aunt and my uncle both think they're getting it. It's going to be an absolute disaster when my grandma passes and finds out I get everything
Make sure your grandma leaves a little something in her will to the aunt & uncle. That way they can't claim undue influence & contest the will. Check with your grandma's attorney & set up an appointment for her with the attorney.
Load More Replies... I'm a little bothered by 'second king', implying that the dad is the first. Not 'master' or 'lord' of the house (which is bad enough), but 'king'. I doubt the mom ever gets called 'queen'.
Make wills, both you and your husband. Make sure they have alternative beneficiaries for if your chosen person dies first - often couples get caught out thinking well if my spouse dies then I can make another will. Doesn't work if you die five minutes apart in the same car crash or whatever. Don't assume you will have time later if it's important to you, and it should be, to keep these assholes away from the house. And as for your brother, according to those gender rules your family loves so much it's his job to provide for his family. Not your fault he can't do that. You want the privileges of sexism you have to take the responsibilities too a*****e.
And they need to make sure to leave SOMETHING to the brother. We usually suggest a dollar. That way the person is unable to contest the will and if they really do push to try the courts realize the deceased was aware the person would try to contest it and wanted to ensure they had zero chance for it to go in their favor.
Load More Replies... I think you still have some work to do in therapy about your relationship with your brother. Your parents and childhood have influenced you to believe that he deserves to be favoured because no objective person would think you should give him the house. Distance yourself from these people and save any documentation showing their relationship with your grandfather (blaming his sins for his health issues, refusing to visit etc.) in case they try suing.
Your family is toxic. They have no concept of real Christianity. They use their Christianity as a weapon. Don’t get caught up in their games any more than any court action forces you to.
**My advice, if the house is causing stress from people you hadn't heard from for a long time, and now suddenly are, turn the home into a care centre for abandonded elders, or sell it and donate to a vetted NGO doing just that** Your parents money is theirs, and they should spend it entirely on themselves before passing leaving zilch left over. If they want to leave any remnants to you, a cat, or fill their pyramid with it...so be it. After raising you, possibly sending you to tertiary education and any other steps up as in this day and age its a shark infested hell pit without some sort of help, , nobody should not expect a penny more from their previous generation. My folks need to travel, experience all their hobbies as much as they can, see and hear and feel all life has to offer without needing to stress about me as they have done their innings. My own daughter is set and in fact gives ME things these days, even though she hasn't finished her studies yet.
I was in a similar situation. NTA. Oldest brother tried to push in but my folks already decided the executor (oldest sister) and I took care of him through hospice. DEF NTA.
The worst is that the brother HAS a house. He isn't homeless or anything. He just doesn't like what he has and wants something better. I notice he didn't even offer to swap houses, or to sell his current one and give the OP the proceeds in exchange for her house. He also has one child, who is still a baby. Unless he lives in a tiny home or a very rare single bedroom home, his current house likely has at least 2 bedrooms, and so yes, it is enough room for his family. He also has a job and two hands, to earn a larger home when they decide to expand their family.
OP's parents wanted to dump him in a home, and preached about him suffering for his sins? Worst hypocrites imaginable. Absolutely no way the OP should feel guilty. Grandfather left it to her both because he thought she deserved it, and because he probably thought her and her husband would restore the fun and laughter that he'd enjoyed there.
NTA. Your family is. Do NOT let them manipulate you with their nonsense.
Aren't Christians supposed to love and care for their family which includes seniors? Aren't they supposed to forgive supposed transgressions? Shouldn't they understand that when someone is I'll and close to death, it would be appropriate to call or visit them? Definitely NTA. I don't follow any religion but find it funny how the most religious people always seem to be the ones who refuse to see that they aren't even following the simplest, most fundamental tenets of their own religion.
I would tell your family that the answer is in prayer. Family is overrated don't let them guilt you into giving up on your grandfathers wishes.
There is lot of goodness and love in that house. Memories of your grandparents. Your grandfather wanted those memories to be with you in form of a house. A house is just four walls it's the pleasant memories that make it a home. He wanted you to have his home. Don't give it away. Treasure it.
Your Grandpa left the house to you ,not only looking after him cause you loved him all the joy he got from you Just stay firm sad thing is when people die they come out of the woodwork looking for some thing All they did was pretend Grandpa was nothing an they were going to be left with every thing selifsh stand your ground u do not have to do nothing for your brother or your parents
Why is this even an issue,you were there for you grandpa and those so called christians werent.Giving away the thing he willed to you would be like slapping your grandpa in the face.Grow a spine and tell relatives to p**s off.
Definitely Not The As*hole! My husband experienced a similar situation a few yrs ago when his parents passed. To this day he hasn't spoke to the sibling that Took everything she could. Even if they are related to you, people Are Greedy, Shallow, Self absorbed As*holes...
And for goodness' sake do what they said and make sure you and your husband have wills, written by a lawyer in this case since they're going to need to be iron clad to keep these grasping entitled d**k heads away from the house. Remember if you were killed almost simultaneously (ie car crash) you might inherit your husband's estate but then everything would go to YOUR next of kin so make sure you have alternatives written in for if your chosen beneficiary is dead. Also if your a*****e brother really believes in those gender roles he was raised with, it's his job to provide for his family. Not your fault he can't. (I believe it's both adults' responsibility obviously but he's the one who thinks he deserves s**t for being male. You get the privileges then you have to take the responsibilities too a*****e).
I don't usually comment on these but this time I have to. You are NTA. As everyone ahead of me said, you took care of him and showed him the love he deserved. Your parents and brother did nothing, but show a few tears and some grief when he died...they deserve nothing. Keep the house for you and your husband and children if you decide to have them. When my parents passed within one year of each other, they left all five of their children one fifth of everything they had. Which was not much. And when we had to clean out their belongings to get ready to sell they house, we did it together and there was no fighting or discourse whatsoever. The only thing requested by my older sister was if her son could have the furniture because he and his new wife had nothing.
NTA - you cared for you grandfather out of love, not an expectation of material gain; they ignored him out of false moral superiority. Your grandfather wanted you to have the house as you brought him joy and comfort in his final years. Keep it, make sure you have a will that clearly defines who it goes to after you.
NTA when you get inheriatance from someone that means that person (your grandad) wanted YOU to have it nobody else if he wanted your brother or dad to have it he would've put that in the will but it said YOU would have his house its YOURS nobody else you dont have to share it either keep the house and if i were you i would block your brother because i bet he wont stop asking you.
For the love of god don't give your family ANYTHING. Speaking from experience. A will that doesn't entail what the family expected can bring out the worst in people. They will start with guilt-tripping and if that doesn't work the accusations will start, painting the person who inherited what the others wanted as a greedy manipulator. But even giving them what they want will not solve the problem, they will still treat you like s**t, but now they have what was rightfully yours.
WTF is the trend of spelling paid as "PAYED"?! JFC people are so moronic.
100% NTA. You didn’t ask or expect this from your grandfather and giving these items to you was his choice. I’m sorry the rest of your family didn’t even try to help. That said - be the good example they so obviously need. Don’t hold a grudge (while firmly standing your ground!). I would be really generous about hosing family gatherings in the house and have a nicely appointed guest room (or two if you can) that your other family is welcome to stay over in (for the time of a regular visit - no longer). Sorry if they (family) don’t get it but at least you will know u have done as much as u can to help the situation
Who exactly "made" you read this? Take responsibility for yourself & don't click on the story. YTA for complaining about something you did to yourself.
Load More Replies... In this scenario, i doubt there are genuine YTA comments, unless they are trolls or "YTA to keep engaging with your family, go no contact asap" so there's no point. But i get you, showing aome contrast in the comments sometimes makes a more deep reflection on the matter.
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