22-Year-Old Guy Gets Asked To Sit With The Kids At Family Party, Takes The Quiche He Brought And Just Leaves
It is said that we can’t choose our family and relatives, no matter how sometimes we don’t see eye to eye with them. Having arguments and disagreements is something that every family goes through. Having this in mind, Reddit user u/Korzaz decided to share his story of getting into an argument with his aunt and asking whether he was right in this situation. The post that received almost 25k upvotes got people discussing how young people sometimes have a hard time being considered mature adults by their older relatives who still like to see and treat them as little kids.
More Info: Reddit
It is great to have a strong family connection with your relatives and be able to spend some quality time together
Image credits: Claire Cox
The user started his story by saying that his whole family decided to have a gathering in the park. The man also listed who was attending this picnic. Besides his parents and siblings with their own families, the user’s grandparents and aunt with her family were also attending. The man indicated that he is 22 years old and that he came to this gathering by himself, also bringing some of the stuff for the “event.”
But very often, the same people can get into a heated argument, as happened to this Reddit user who had a disagreement with his aunt
Image credits: Korzaz
The young man said that he helped set up the tables and was having a great time talking and playing with his relatives until they all decided to sit down at the table and start eating. This is when the man’s aunt told him that he should be sitting at the kids’ table. This is when the dispute started as the 22-year-old didn’t think it was actually necessary because he is mature enough to sit at the adults’ table.
Image credits: Korzaz
The 22-year-old user was asked to sit at the kids table by their aunt because she believed that only those who have their own children can sit with adults
Image credits: Korzaz
However, the aunt had another theory in mind. According to her, only those who are from the “1st and 2nd generation” can sit at the grown-up table and those who are “3rd and 4th” should be at the kids’ table. The woman also added that only those who have children of their own can sit at the adults’ table. The narrator didn’t want to put up with this as he is an actual adult who can drink and drive, so he decided to leave the gathering.
Image credits: Korzaz
Her “theory” made the user pack his things and leave the family gathering
Image credits: Korzaz
The narrator continued the story, saying that his dad and grandparents tried to reach him and asked him to come back, but he didn’t return because the aunt didn’t agree to apologize for her behavior. After the user got home, he started thinking about whether they made the right choice by storming off and leaving his family.
Image credits: Korzaz
People online were supporting him and saying that this is not how the aunt should’ve reacted. The narrator was also participating in the discussion where he also mentioned his 21-year-old brother who didn’t say anything about the situation.
What do you think about this whole situation? Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments down below!
People online were supporting the user who also joined the discussion in the comments
The user also talked about his brother who was also an adult who had to sit at the kids’ table but didn’t say anything about this
Users in the comments also shared their own experience of having family gatherings with a “kids’ table”
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"don't have much to contribute to adult conversations" means "we want to b1tch about how hard childbirth/childrearing is and/or pat ourselves on the back for being awesome parents (with or without evidence) and non-parents will either give us a not-wanted-but-much-needed reality check or make us jealous that they have the freedom to have a lie in on weekends and more money than us and otherwise ruin our good vibe. (Signed, someone who has had to listen to a LOT of parent-dominated conversation as a 40-year-old-non-parent, and has actually had this said to me by a less than tactful acquaintance)
I, too, suspected that the aunt only wants to talk about one topic. I don't see that having children affects one's conversational skills. Otherwise, Stephen Fry would not be able to hold up his end of the conversation at the children's table...
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The children's table probably had better conversation topics but the aunt in the situation needs a b!tch table all to herself.
Yup. When there are certain family members in attendance at a function, I would much rather sit at the kid's table.
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When my whole extended family gets together, there’s no way in heck we’re all fitting at one table together, but no one is banished to the children’s table, either. If anything, we compete to see who gets to sit in the kitchen with the kids (whispers) *that’s the fun table*
Sorry for the delayed respond, yes when my grandma was alive and able bodied we usually had most holidays there. We had a kitchen and dining room table. When we were little the kitchen was kids but after a while, with the next generation of kids we did without that and everyone just sat anywhere, casual style. The dining room and kitchen are right near each other anyway. Usually everyone just sat by their immediate family. In hindsight we probably could've all fit at the dining room before the family expanded anyway. I wouldn't care other then the Aunt telling me I don't get adult status. I wasn't married at 22.
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OK, I'll sit at the kids table, but I'm going to talk about sex, drugs and rocknroll
Now that I'm in my 40s, I can honestly say I would MUCH rather be at the kids table anyway.
Would have done the same, but we've never had a kids table. Everybody is mixed. That's how kids learn how to communicate and behave!
How on earth is a 22 year old a child?? 😧 people do this though im 25 but very small and look a lot younger, everyone talks to me and treats me like a baby even though im literally a goth/metalhead with piercings! 😫 i dont drive or have children but over 20 is definitely an adult!
A certain kind of person believes that you're not a real grown up until you've spawned. I'm sure it adds a dimension to your character, but it's a bit rude to suggest it's the sole qualification
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We never had at "kids table" growing up. Old or young we always had something to say and deserved to be heard. We all sat together at a table and enjoyed each others company rather than force the young ones off on their own like they didn't matter.
As my siblings had there kid we always had a kids table because we were too many for one table in one room. We had the adults on one table the teens on one end of the "kids" table and the smaller children on the other. It worked just fine - the teens were not embarrassed by the stories their parents told and could discuss whatever they wanted among each other and the kids could have their games on the table without knocking somebody's coffee off...
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I think it must be a cultural thing, but Americans seem to infantilise their "children" far more and for far longer than in many other countries. It seems that people in their late teens and early twenties are supposed to act like, and take on the responsibilities of adults and yet still get treated like children. There are numerous stories on here of adults being told what they can and cannot do by their parents, and some are even being grounded by them at age 18+. Wtf is that all about? I left home at 17 while I was at college and I have not lived with my parents since then, I am not particularly unusual in this, I know quite a few people who left home and became fully independent in their late teens for work or education.
I would have texted back something along the lines: "Sorry, but I can’t come back. I’ve gone to my own home, drank alcohol that I legally purchased with money from my job. Therefore, I simply cannot drive my car, because I don’t want to be tried as an adult and go to prison with the rest of the adult men. Regardless of what aunt thinks, the state believes I’m an adult. Don’t worry about me going hungry though, my quiche was delicious."
or you could tell: sorry cant come back. since I am a kid I am not allowed to drive and I am afraid to cross the road without my parents
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As I see it, the OP had two possible courses of action. 1) Do what he did, or 2) refuse to leave the adult table, and call the 21 year old to join the adult table. When called on it by the twerp aunt, ask every other adult at the table if they consider a financially independent person over 21 to be an adult. Frankly, leaving was probably far kinder to the aunt, if he'd have forced the issue then she'd have ended up humiliated by the entire family.
I was waiting to see if OP got comments that "leaving was childish" from his family. It kind of was but I don't know of a better way of making their point. I suppose they could have just kept sitting at the "adult" table and let the aunt and other stew on it. Either way, I don't think the rest of the outing was going to be enjoyable so going home was a good option.
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Sometimes sitting with the kids is more fun than sitting with the adults.
"Only people with kids are real adults"? I'm trying to un-read that,.....
Honestly, we can't wait to grow up, and when we do, we wish we stayed children. So why not? I'd just run crazy around, eat from anyone's plate, stick my head into the cake, throw whipped cream to adults, so what, if I'm kid i make best out of it, what can they do, ground me?
pretty sure i would have sat with the kids and got them to have a food fight between the kids' table and AH table. Really, i would also have left and then wished i had done the food fight instead.
When my rather large extended family gets together (20-30 people depending on who's in town or working) we need multiple tables and there is no designated children's table, everyone just finds a seat and eats. Several of the smaller children usually end up in their favourite persons lap(this designation seems to be completely arbitrary and changes every time we get together). So if you are one the favourites you may end up sharing your plate even when they have a plate of their own lol.
Infinitely preferable. Why banish children? How are they supposed to learn all the different social rules if they are constantly banished to a table of their own and can't see how the adults behave - though we'll exclude that aunt. Children don't need to be learning from her.
Load More Replies... Honestly…this is one of the weirdest family stories around here. What in the actual f**k? Leaving was the right thing to do
Why even argue with your aunt? Just laugh at her and say "I'm going to stay sitting exactly where I am", and then ignore her further attempts to argue about it. What is she going to do, call the bouncers over?
OMG, if he follows through with the hookers & blackjack table, I want in.
We have 12 grandchildren, now that they are growing up, we are just starting this dilemna. Our oldest grandson is 13 years old and 5" 11" tall, sitting at the "kids table" is no longer an option, he doesn't fit, so he graduated to the adults table, as he became too big for the kids table. This will continue as they grow up, eventually the "kids table" will simply mean all the grandchildren sitting together, since they do not get to see each other as often as they would like to. To seat a man in his 20's at a kids table with actual kids is beyond the pale, the aunt needs to reassess her parameters for seating!
Definitely NTA. Aunt apparently has a control issue and rather old fashion, quaint attitude that adult children are still just children (and should be treated as such) no matter how old they are. It's insulting. Aunt needs to apologize.
Not only would I have left, I probably would not be going to any further gatherings. I'm older than this guy and never made kids(and have no plans of ever doing so), so based on auntie's logic, I'm never welcome at the adults table.
I would have had... "adult" conversations with the older denizens of my table. Sex life, drinking, tax woes, politics, ALL of it. Since I'm just a kid and can't handle contributing to the "old folks" talk of knitting and pinochle.
I totally agree with the idea of a kids' table, but that means KIDS, like 5-10 year old kids. "She says that until I have kids of my own I'll have to sit at the kids' table." Yeah f**k no on that one. I'm 66 and I chose to never have kids. Based on her judgement, I'd have to still sit at the kids' table. I'd absolutely have left. And taken my quiche. I'm hardcore though. I wouldn't go back to ANY family gathering until the aunt apologized and got her head out of her ass.
I had my first child at 36...I think it would have been embarrassing to sit at the children's table at 36 .. it would have been a fun situation
Why would you want to have anything to do with a bunch of AH family members? I'd tell the whole lot of them to get ducked.
My husband and i drove 1500 miles to see his parents at Thanksgiving. Not only were we seated at the kids table, it was in the other room. We left and went to my parents' house, and his sister & her husband left too, because of it.
I’m almost 50 and there are many times that I prefer being at the kid’s table. Sometimes, it’s more fun. Totally understand why you were offended, though. Maybe next time the family can have one big table or 3 tables-kids, young adults, grouchy old people.
I am the eldest by 4 years of one side of my extended family but I have remained single by choice. Thus, I get seated at the kid's table or whatever table can mange a single, often with people I have no connection, like family friends of whoever is hosting the gathering or someone's kids' in-laws. I stopped demanded I be invited "with escort" when my escorts (usually close friends of the opposite sex) were put through intense scrutiny as family elders tried to decide if they were marriageable types. I know just what this guys is feeling. It doesn't stop no matter how old you are, my cousins, all of whom are younger than me, continued this idiotic and outdated practice. I stopped attending that sides' family gatherings.
Not being married and having children as a division between adult and children is also a thing with Chinese culture. So much so, that childless adults have often been gifted with children, (either one of another siblings' children or an 'adopted' child), in order to 'become an adult.' I've been assigned to the kid's table on many an occasion --when in my 30s. Since my father's death, however, since I am only 15 months junior to the new patriarch of the family, (my brother), while still unmarried and childless, I have not been sent down to the children's table.
Honestly, it sounds like the better class of people was (were?) sitting at the kids table.
Wow, what a ridiculous woman, I am afraid she would have got the quiche in her face if it had been up to me but well done for walking away, hope you enjoyed your quiche.
Perhaps you should make a old person only table and she can sit on that. By herself.
True. If he can go to a store and buy a quiche it prepare if homemade its nobodies business to say your not an adult. After a while our family bid without kids table and just had two tables for everyone. I would be more annoyed bat the principal not at having to sit with with disabled cousin's but I don't know the whole situation beith that. If the Aunt wanted an adult to help with the kids she could've simply asked.
In our family when members are more we give our seats to elders and kids while we take the lunch buffet style. Hovering over all of them listening to everything hahaha.
No matter how old I get, how many degrees and jobs I get, I am still the youngest. But I do not appreciate being treated like a child by my family. I've had similar discussions and confrontations at family events. I think my stepmom resents me and therefore uses my age and younger status as her one point of leverage against me. She still does. This is why I am all for spending the holidays with friends instead of families
What if the victim is one of those (insert pronoun) who can’t be a birthing person? This is discrimination
Good on you! Well done! Just 'Nope' right outta that situation like a God. ANYWHERE you are talked down to, disrespected and unappreciated, walk away from those people, even if it's your family. You are not an A-Hole in this situation, your aunt and every adult who backed her up is the A-Hole. Actually, if you'd sat at the kids table you probably would've gotten more respect and kind words, as kids aren't born with prejudice, they're taught it. Sadly they're about to learn the wrong message from their parents in this crappy family. Strut with your quiche, lad, STRUT!
I would tell the aunt she belongs to the "too old table" and has nothing relevant to contribute to the adults conversation either. In my country there is no culture of dividing ppl to kids/adults table. We are a family, not some VIP club. everyone could sit where they want. children usually group together anyway if they are above 3-4 years. younger children usually sit/sleep in their carriage near their parents. If there is a division to adults/kids table then PPL above 15 should definitely sit at the adults table if they prefer so. I would like to see what the adult conversation is because anything other than sex is totally okay to hear for anyone, although some topics may be boring but the boredom is not defined by age but by your interests. I am dying if ppl start talking about cooking or medical issues. who cares how was your colonoscopy anyway (if it was just some regular check and you health is okay. but really i dont need to hear the details)?
So very NTA. I come from a very big family with a culture of Elder respect but by the time we were teens we had a place at the adult table at family gatherings. Often one or two of the adults or teens would sit with the kids while they ate (to keep an eye on them) but we were never barred from the table or disrespected like that. How were we to learn about adult issues or to talk like adults if we didn't listen to our Elders at gatherings?
hell, i'm not even legal drinking age but i'm allowed to sit at the 'adult table'. i choose to sit at the kids' table though, is I'm not really into politics, which is really the only thing they talk about.
If it helps you, I'm on the wrong side of 30s and my mom and grandmas still make comments about me not being a grownup (woman) yet as I don't have kids and thus my life must be as easy as if I was a child / teenager. It's not very pleasant, but I don't really mind either, I let them have their "mature seniority" moments if it makes them happy.
Man, some people have no balls. I would have laughed in their ace and sat my ass down.. make this child move then, you big bad adults.
Imho, one table for adults and another for kids is silly. If people want to talk about things not suitable for minors maybe they can do it later and privately.
Hahaha my aunty Prudence (yeah not well named) could have sat there at 17
Load More Replies... I don’t have a big family but when I go to my godparent’s house for Thanksgiving we all sit at the same table together…
I’ve had aunts that I couldn’t stand and I love that you were like “I’m not dealing with you “ in your actions maybe not words. I can’t stand that she wanted to dictate where people sat and wasn’t going to budge on it! She is not the standard bearer !
“[You] don’t have much to contribute to the conversation” I would have thrown the quiche in her face first, then left.
WTF is wrong with the aunt? She is totally rude and you should always refuse sitting at the table with rude b**es like that.
A few Christmases ago, I went with my dad to visit some of my stepmums’ family. At 24, I was the oldest out of the kids that went, then my sister at 16. I think the youngest was about 12 and I just automatically joined the kids in one room and left the adults in the living room. After about a couple of hours I went to see my dad and he says, “you could have sat in here you know.” Even though I was an adult, I didn’t feel like I was ‘adult’ enough 🤣
Who the F*** thinks that you're not an adult unless you have kids. So a 15 year old that has to drop out of high school to have a baby that she neither has a job to support or the mentality to handle is an adult (according to your aunt) but a person that has graduated, gotten a job, has his own place and takes care of himself is not? Your Aunt is hallucinating.
Yes yes.... make a private table with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget about blackjack. Only thing I would leave the quiche instead of taking it back with me. But that's just me. In any case, NTA in my book.
WOW, I would have so left too! I also would not have come back without a sincere apology, not a smirk and "just stop it, I'm sorry!" I don't know WHY you threw in your two nephews are handicapped - that says literally nothing. Do they need supervision for behavior? do they need help eating? If they belonged to the aunt-ass she should have sat at the kiddies table. (does she have a spouse and did said spouse not speak up?) BTW it was on your Dad to SPEAK UP and let auntie-acid know she was out-of-line and make you feel included. I know beyond a doubt this was not her first rodeo. Yeah, family, pbbbbbt. Lies, drama, manipulation, disrespect. family-617...981c59.jpg 
just great! those last two words made me lose The Game... again. you're all cheating and i have to say, this is worse than being rickrolled
So they want the younger adults to watch their kids. That is what I got out of it. I don't do kids so I would have done the same. I guess my sister and my cousins still sit at the kids table because none of us had kids so we just kept eating together at what has always been the kids table even though we are all in our 30s. Though, our kid's table is more of a running joke and no one would actually be excluded from eating with the adults.
That sounds like choice - he wasn't given that. All seems weird to me to be honest. Kids tables haven't been a thing in my family, we mixed.
Load More Replies... God I hate this mentality. I have family who had the whole you can't "sit at the adult table until you are married with kids." Meanwhile at some point I'm in my late 20's and I have younger cousins who have been granted the privilege of sitting at the grown-up table just because they got knocked up and were forced to marry. I stopped going to these events and everyone bitched about it. I told them since there was a good chance I'd never get married and a REALLY REALLY good chance that I was never going to have children I was not going to attend and one day be a 40 year old at the kids table. Still pisses me off. I eventually did marry at 32 but I'm almost 44 and still no kids and there never will be. So technically I'd still be at the kids table. I wonder if my husband would have gotten to sit at the grown-up table? He was married once before (he's also older that I am) and has children. So although I'm not the mother of his kids he is married and has kids.....
NTA. What a weird family. How is 22 too young to contribute to a conversation? In my family as soon as you graduated high school you were an adult. You could drink but no more Christmas presents!
Pretty sure the parents and grandparents will make sure he sits at the adult table next year.
I’m 100% positive the aunt expected the adults at the kids table to babysit the little ones. Which is a shitty move unless she asked them ahead of time if that was okay. My husband has a family wayyy bigger than the one the OP has, and there has never been a kids table. Everyone sits together, because the point of a family gathering is to spend time with your family, no matter their age. I get that sometimes there’s an issue of space, but in this situation, that was not the case.
By the aunts logic the sister (25) and her husband (29) should also be at the "kids" table, with their own children, as they are generation 3 of the family.
It wasn't really "the kids' table" though. I mean only two of the people at the kids' table were actual children. There was also a 15 yr old, and two other twenty-somethings (not including the OP). If the family had expected the OP to sit at a table that was just him and a bunch of little kids, that would be very different. But he was being expected to sit at a table with people just one or two years younger than himself.
I honestly find it hard to believe this story is true. Where were OP's parents in all of this, why didn't they say anything when the aunt tried to shoo their child away? And who sends an adult person to sit with the kids because they are not a parent yet? Besides, it's weird OP didn't want to sit with his 20yo siblings and cousin anyway. This whole thing doesn't make any sense.
It's weird that to at least half the family this is a known concept. I mean, it must have come up earlier? Some other unmarried uncle being weirdly out of place on his kids table? [Following the logic, a divorced parent having sex with a childless partner is a pedophile though. Which is kind of pointing to a hole in the logic. An A-hole. Hint: It's the aunt and those that back her.]
I would have left too or refused to move. I don’t like to be around kids that much, especially not while eating. So, seating me at the kids table would’ve been the worst option you could give me.
Personally, I would have said "Really? So you won't mind me telling them dirty and racist jokes and teaching them to swear as well as how to burp and fart on demand?"
This reminds so much about my mom and her friends. I'm 26 and my rbothers are in their 30s and 40s but no, we children and will be talked to like children. My mom's friendsbalways act like I'm doing some super or surprising when I drink the shots they shove in my mom's direction. My mom can't drink so I drink them but they always make it seme like I'm a child pretending to be an adult by drinking.
Ah, yes. The control freak aunt. I think I might have one of those. I have no intention of ever seeing her (or her ridiculous daughter) ever again. This is not about whether you are an asshole. It's more about you're young (hell your whole family seems really young) and that's about the gist of it for ya until you're, I dunno, 40?
Playing devil's advocate here, I think getting up and leaving doesn't say much about his maturity, so honestly, he proved the aunt right. (I completely disagree with her, btw.) I would have stayed, told her and anyone else who backed her, that I respectfully disagreed and would have stayed put. What was the aunt going to do? Physically removed him? Gotten up and left? Stopped talking? Whatever it would have been, HE would have proven her wrong and SHE would have looked childish.
we have a proverb saying something like "the wiser one will step aside (Múdrejší ustúpi)". this means if you see there is a potential conflict you should be wise enough to avoid it and not continue to pour fuel to that fire. He was mature enough to see there is no point arguing further if she does not respect his arguments. She proved to be immature by not being able to listen to the other side, being stubborn and creating unnecessary tension. Also I like a quote i saw on the internet: never argue with a dumb person, they will drag you down to their level. If he stayed the conflict would have probably escalated, everyone would say some nasty things and they wold hate each other for a long time
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NTA but... your own table with..hookers? Well...that is a reflection of a teenage mind so probably the aunt is right about your contribution to adult conversations.
you havent read it thouroughly. OP said there was enough place at both tables so there was no problem with practical arrangements. I wouldnt mind sitting with my younger cousins if there were arrangements problems. but to basically say "get out of this table you are not mature enough to talk to us" is totally rude and disrespecful an OP is totally NTA, but the aunt and all others who back her up definitely are A-s. + OP said he helped to set up the tables/arrangements so apparently he is mature enough to prepare the party but not mature enough to attend. The whole division is a nonsense. everyone should sit where they want. ppl naturally group with other ppl within the same age or hobby group
Load More Replies... "don't have much to contribute to adult conversations" means "we want to b1tch about how hard childbirth/childrearing is and/or pat ourselves on the back for being awesome parents (with or without evidence) and non-parents will either give us a not-wanted-but-much-needed reality check or make us jealous that they have the freedom to have a lie in on weekends and more money than us and otherwise ruin our good vibe. (Signed, someone who has had to listen to a LOT of parent-dominated conversation as a 40-year-old-non-parent, and has actually had this said to me by a less than tactful acquaintance)
I, too, suspected that the aunt only wants to talk about one topic. I don't see that having children affects one's conversational skills. Otherwise, Stephen Fry would not be able to hold up his end of the conversation at the children's table...
Load More Replies... The children's table probably had better conversation topics but the aunt in the situation needs a b!tch table all to herself.
Yup. When there are certain family members in attendance at a function, I would much rather sit at the kid's table.
Load More Replies... When my whole extended family gets together, there’s no way in heck we’re all fitting at one table together, but no one is banished to the children’s table, either. If anything, we compete to see who gets to sit in the kitchen with the kids (whispers) *that’s the fun table*
Sorry for the delayed respond, yes when my grandma was alive and able bodied we usually had most holidays there. We had a kitchen and dining room table. When we were little the kitchen was kids but after a while, with the next generation of kids we did without that and everyone just sat anywhere, casual style. The dining room and kitchen are right near each other anyway. Usually everyone just sat by their immediate family. In hindsight we probably could've all fit at the dining room before the family expanded anyway. I wouldn't care other then the Aunt telling me I don't get adult status. I wasn't married at 22.
Load More Replies... OK, I'll sit at the kids table, but I'm going to talk about sex, drugs and rocknroll
Now that I'm in my 40s, I can honestly say I would MUCH rather be at the kids table anyway.
Would have done the same, but we've never had a kids table. Everybody is mixed. That's how kids learn how to communicate and behave!
How on earth is a 22 year old a child?? 😧 people do this though im 25 but very small and look a lot younger, everyone talks to me and treats me like a baby even though im literally a goth/metalhead with piercings! 😫 i dont drive or have children but over 20 is definitely an adult!
A certain kind of person believes that you're not a real grown up until you've spawned. I'm sure it adds a dimension to your character, but it's a bit rude to suggest it's the sole qualification
Load More Replies... We never had at "kids table" growing up. Old or young we always had something to say and deserved to be heard. We all sat together at a table and enjoyed each others company rather than force the young ones off on their own like they didn't matter.
As my siblings had there kid we always had a kids table because we were too many for one table in one room. We had the adults on one table the teens on one end of the "kids" table and the smaller children on the other. It worked just fine - the teens were not embarrassed by the stories their parents told and could discuss whatever they wanted among each other and the kids could have their games on the table without knocking somebody's coffee off...
Load More Replies... I think it must be a cultural thing, but Americans seem to infantilise their "children" far more and for far longer than in many other countries. It seems that people in their late teens and early twenties are supposed to act like, and take on the responsibilities of adults and yet still get treated like children. There are numerous stories on here of adults being told what they can and cannot do by their parents, and some are even being grounded by them at age 18+. Wtf is that all about? I left home at 17 while I was at college and I have not lived with my parents since then, I am not particularly unusual in this, I know quite a few people who left home and became fully independent in their late teens for work or education.
I would have texted back something along the lines: "Sorry, but I can’t come back. I’ve gone to my own home, drank alcohol that I legally purchased with money from my job. Therefore, I simply cannot drive my car, because I don’t want to be tried as an adult and go to prison with the rest of the adult men. Regardless of what aunt thinks, the state believes I’m an adult. Don’t worry about me going hungry though, my quiche was delicious."
or you could tell: sorry cant come back. since I am a kid I am not allowed to drive and I am afraid to cross the road without my parents
Load More Replies... As I see it, the OP had two possible courses of action. 1) Do what he did, or 2) refuse to leave the adult table, and call the 21 year old to join the adult table. When called on it by the twerp aunt, ask every other adult at the table if they consider a financially independent person over 21 to be an adult. Frankly, leaving was probably far kinder to the aunt, if he'd have forced the issue then she'd have ended up humiliated by the entire family.
I was waiting to see if OP got comments that "leaving was childish" from his family. It kind of was but I don't know of a better way of making their point. I suppose they could have just kept sitting at the "adult" table and let the aunt and other stew on it. Either way, I don't think the rest of the outing was going to be enjoyable so going home was a good option.
Load More Replies... Sometimes sitting with the kids is more fun than sitting with the adults.
"Only people with kids are real adults"? I'm trying to un-read that,.....
Honestly, we can't wait to grow up, and when we do, we wish we stayed children. So why not? I'd just run crazy around, eat from anyone's plate, stick my head into the cake, throw whipped cream to adults, so what, if I'm kid i make best out of it, what can they do, ground me?
pretty sure i would have sat with the kids and got them to have a food fight between the kids' table and AH table. Really, i would also have left and then wished i had done the food fight instead.
When my rather large extended family gets together (20-30 people depending on who's in town or working) we need multiple tables and there is no designated children's table, everyone just finds a seat and eats. Several of the smaller children usually end up in their favourite persons lap(this designation seems to be completely arbitrary and changes every time we get together). So if you are one the favourites you may end up sharing your plate even when they have a plate of their own lol.
Infinitely preferable. Why banish children? How are they supposed to learn all the different social rules if they are constantly banished to a table of their own and can't see how the adults behave - though we'll exclude that aunt. Children don't need to be learning from her.
Load More Replies... Honestly…this is one of the weirdest family stories around here. What in the actual f**k? Leaving was the right thing to do
Why even argue with your aunt? Just laugh at her and say "I'm going to stay sitting exactly where I am", and then ignore her further attempts to argue about it. What is she going to do, call the bouncers over?
OMG, if he follows through with the hookers & blackjack table, I want in.
We have 12 grandchildren, now that they are growing up, we are just starting this dilemna. Our oldest grandson is 13 years old and 5" 11" tall, sitting at the "kids table" is no longer an option, he doesn't fit, so he graduated to the adults table, as he became too big for the kids table. This will continue as they grow up, eventually the "kids table" will simply mean all the grandchildren sitting together, since they do not get to see each other as often as they would like to. To seat a man in his 20's at a kids table with actual kids is beyond the pale, the aunt needs to reassess her parameters for seating!
Definitely NTA. Aunt apparently has a control issue and rather old fashion, quaint attitude that adult children are still just children (and should be treated as such) no matter how old they are. It's insulting. Aunt needs to apologize.
Not only would I have left, I probably would not be going to any further gatherings. I'm older than this guy and never made kids(and have no plans of ever doing so), so based on auntie's logic, I'm never welcome at the adults table.
I would have had... "adult" conversations with the older denizens of my table. Sex life, drinking, tax woes, politics, ALL of it. Since I'm just a kid and can't handle contributing to the "old folks" talk of knitting and pinochle.
I totally agree with the idea of a kids' table, but that means KIDS, like 5-10 year old kids. "She says that until I have kids of my own I'll have to sit at the kids' table." Yeah f**k no on that one. I'm 66 and I chose to never have kids. Based on her judgement, I'd have to still sit at the kids' table. I'd absolutely have left. And taken my quiche. I'm hardcore though. I wouldn't go back to ANY family gathering until the aunt apologized and got her head out of her ass.
I had my first child at 36...I think it would have been embarrassing to sit at the children's table at 36 .. it would have been a fun situation
Why would you want to have anything to do with a bunch of AH family members? I'd tell the whole lot of them to get ducked.
My husband and i drove 1500 miles to see his parents at Thanksgiving. Not only were we seated at the kids table, it was in the other room. We left and went to my parents' house, and his sister & her husband left too, because of it.
I’m almost 50 and there are many times that I prefer being at the kid’s table. Sometimes, it’s more fun. Totally understand why you were offended, though. Maybe next time the family can have one big table or 3 tables-kids, young adults, grouchy old people.
I am the eldest by 4 years of one side of my extended family but I have remained single by choice. Thus, I get seated at the kid's table or whatever table can mange a single, often with people I have no connection, like family friends of whoever is hosting the gathering or someone's kids' in-laws. I stopped demanded I be invited "with escort" when my escorts (usually close friends of the opposite sex) were put through intense scrutiny as family elders tried to decide if they were marriageable types. I know just what this guys is feeling. It doesn't stop no matter how old you are, my cousins, all of whom are younger than me, continued this idiotic and outdated practice. I stopped attending that sides' family gatherings.
Not being married and having children as a division between adult and children is also a thing with Chinese culture. So much so, that childless adults have often been gifted with children, (either one of another siblings' children or an 'adopted' child), in order to 'become an adult.' I've been assigned to the kid's table on many an occasion --when in my 30s. Since my father's death, however, since I am only 15 months junior to the new patriarch of the family, (my brother), while still unmarried and childless, I have not been sent down to the children's table.
Honestly, it sounds like the better class of people was (were?) sitting at the kids table.
Wow, what a ridiculous woman, I am afraid she would have got the quiche in her face if it had been up to me but well done for walking away, hope you enjoyed your quiche.
Perhaps you should make a old person only table and she can sit on that. By herself.
True. If he can go to a store and buy a quiche it prepare if homemade its nobodies business to say your not an adult. After a while our family bid without kids table and just had two tables for everyone. I would be more annoyed bat the principal not at having to sit with with disabled cousin's but I don't know the whole situation beith that. If the Aunt wanted an adult to help with the kids she could've simply asked.
In our family when members are more we give our seats to elders and kids while we take the lunch buffet style. Hovering over all of them listening to everything hahaha.
No matter how old I get, how many degrees and jobs I get, I am still the youngest. But I do not appreciate being treated like a child by my family. I've had similar discussions and confrontations at family events. I think my stepmom resents me and therefore uses my age and younger status as her one point of leverage against me. She still does. This is why I am all for spending the holidays with friends instead of families
What if the victim is one of those (insert pronoun) who can’t be a birthing person? This is discrimination
Good on you! Well done! Just 'Nope' right outta that situation like a God. ANYWHERE you are talked down to, disrespected and unappreciated, walk away from those people, even if it's your family. You are not an A-Hole in this situation, your aunt and every adult who backed her up is the A-Hole. Actually, if you'd sat at the kids table you probably would've gotten more respect and kind words, as kids aren't born with prejudice, they're taught it. Sadly they're about to learn the wrong message from their parents in this crappy family. Strut with your quiche, lad, STRUT!
I would tell the aunt she belongs to the "too old table" and has nothing relevant to contribute to the adults conversation either. In my country there is no culture of dividing ppl to kids/adults table. We are a family, not some VIP club. everyone could sit where they want. children usually group together anyway if they are above 3-4 years. younger children usually sit/sleep in their carriage near their parents. If there is a division to adults/kids table then PPL above 15 should definitely sit at the adults table if they prefer so. I would like to see what the adult conversation is because anything other than sex is totally okay to hear for anyone, although some topics may be boring but the boredom is not defined by age but by your interests. I am dying if ppl start talking about cooking or medical issues. who cares how was your colonoscopy anyway (if it was just some regular check and you health is okay. but really i dont need to hear the details)?
So very NTA. I come from a very big family with a culture of Elder respect but by the time we were teens we had a place at the adult table at family gatherings. Often one or two of the adults or teens would sit with the kids while they ate (to keep an eye on them) but we were never barred from the table or disrespected like that. How were we to learn about adult issues or to talk like adults if we didn't listen to our Elders at gatherings?
hell, i'm not even legal drinking age but i'm allowed to sit at the 'adult table'. i choose to sit at the kids' table though, is I'm not really into politics, which is really the only thing they talk about.
If it helps you, I'm on the wrong side of 30s and my mom and grandmas still make comments about me not being a grownup (woman) yet as I don't have kids and thus my life must be as easy as if I was a child / teenager. It's not very pleasant, but I don't really mind either, I let them have their "mature seniority" moments if it makes them happy.
Man, some people have no balls. I would have laughed in their ace and sat my ass down.. make this child move then, you big bad adults.
Imho, one table for adults and another for kids is silly. If people want to talk about things not suitable for minors maybe they can do it later and privately.
Hahaha my aunty Prudence (yeah not well named) could have sat there at 17
Load More Replies... I don’t have a big family but when I go to my godparent’s house for Thanksgiving we all sit at the same table together…
I’ve had aunts that I couldn’t stand and I love that you were like “I’m not dealing with you “ in your actions maybe not words. I can’t stand that she wanted to dictate where people sat and wasn’t going to budge on it! She is not the standard bearer !
“[You] don’t have much to contribute to the conversation” I would have thrown the quiche in her face first, then left.
WTF is wrong with the aunt? She is totally rude and you should always refuse sitting at the table with rude b**es like that.
A few Christmases ago, I went with my dad to visit some of my stepmums’ family. At 24, I was the oldest out of the kids that went, then my sister at 16. I think the youngest was about 12 and I just automatically joined the kids in one room and left the adults in the living room. After about a couple of hours I went to see my dad and he says, “you could have sat in here you know.” Even though I was an adult, I didn’t feel like I was ‘adult’ enough 🤣
Who the F*** thinks that you're not an adult unless you have kids. So a 15 year old that has to drop out of high school to have a baby that she neither has a job to support or the mentality to handle is an adult (according to your aunt) but a person that has graduated, gotten a job, has his own place and takes care of himself is not? Your Aunt is hallucinating.
Yes yes.... make a private table with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget about blackjack. Only thing I would leave the quiche instead of taking it back with me. But that's just me. In any case, NTA in my book.
WOW, I would have so left too! I also would not have come back without a sincere apology, not a smirk and "just stop it, I'm sorry!" I don't know WHY you threw in your two nephews are handicapped - that says literally nothing. Do they need supervision for behavior? do they need help eating? If they belonged to the aunt-ass she should have sat at the kiddies table. (does she have a spouse and did said spouse not speak up?) BTW it was on your Dad to SPEAK UP and let auntie-acid know she was out-of-line and make you feel included. I know beyond a doubt this was not her first rodeo. Yeah, family, pbbbbbt. Lies, drama, manipulation, disrespect. family-617...981c59.jpg
just great! those last two words made me lose The Game... again. you're all cheating and i have to say, this is worse than being rickrolled
So they want the younger adults to watch their kids. That is what I got out of it. I don't do kids so I would have done the same. I guess my sister and my cousins still sit at the kids table because none of us had kids so we just kept eating together at what has always been the kids table even though we are all in our 30s. Though, our kid's table is more of a running joke and no one would actually be excluded from eating with the adults.
That sounds like choice - he wasn't given that. All seems weird to me to be honest. Kids tables haven't been a thing in my family, we mixed.
Load More Replies... God I hate this mentality. I have family who had the whole you can't "sit at the adult table until you are married with kids." Meanwhile at some point I'm in my late 20's and I have younger cousins who have been granted the privilege of sitting at the grown-up table just because they got knocked up and were forced to marry. I stopped going to these events and everyone bitched about it. I told them since there was a good chance I'd never get married and a REALLY REALLY good chance that I was never going to have children I was not going to attend and one day be a 40 year old at the kids table. Still pisses me off. I eventually did marry at 32 but I'm almost 44 and still no kids and there never will be. So technically I'd still be at the kids table. I wonder if my husband would have gotten to sit at the grown-up table? He was married once before (he's also older that I am) and has children. So although I'm not the mother of his kids he is married and has kids.....
NTA. What a weird family. How is 22 too young to contribute to a conversation? In my family as soon as you graduated high school you were an adult. You could drink but no more Christmas presents!
Pretty sure the parents and grandparents will make sure he sits at the adult table next year.
I’m 100% positive the aunt expected the adults at the kids table to babysit the little ones. Which is a shitty move unless she asked them ahead of time if that was okay. My husband has a family wayyy bigger than the one the OP has, and there has never been a kids table. Everyone sits together, because the point of a family gathering is to spend time with your family, no matter their age. I get that sometimes there’s an issue of space, but in this situation, that was not the case.
By the aunts logic the sister (25) and her husband (29) should also be at the "kids" table, with their own children, as they are generation 3 of the family.
It wasn't really "the kids' table" though. I mean only two of the people at the kids' table were actual children. There was also a 15 yr old, and two other twenty-somethings (not including the OP). If the family had expected the OP to sit at a table that was just him and a bunch of little kids, that would be very different. But he was being expected to sit at a table with people just one or two years younger than himself.
I honestly find it hard to believe this story is true. Where were OP's parents in all of this, why didn't they say anything when the aunt tried to shoo their child away? And who sends an adult person to sit with the kids because they are not a parent yet? Besides, it's weird OP didn't want to sit with his 20yo siblings and cousin anyway. This whole thing doesn't make any sense.
It's weird that to at least half the family this is a known concept. I mean, it must have come up earlier? Some other unmarried uncle being weirdly out of place on his kids table? [Following the logic, a divorced parent having sex with a childless partner is a pedophile though. Which is kind of pointing to a hole in the logic. An A-hole. Hint: It's the aunt and those that back her.]
I would have left too or refused to move. I don’t like to be around kids that much, especially not while eating. So, seating me at the kids table would’ve been the worst option you could give me.
Personally, I would have said "Really? So you won't mind me telling them dirty and racist jokes and teaching them to swear as well as how to burp and fart on demand?"
This reminds so much about my mom and her friends. I'm 26 and my rbothers are in their 30s and 40s but no, we children and will be talked to like children. My mom's friendsbalways act like I'm doing some super or surprising when I drink the shots they shove in my mom's direction. My mom can't drink so I drink them but they always make it seme like I'm a child pretending to be an adult by drinking.
Ah, yes. The control freak aunt. I think I might have one of those. I have no intention of ever seeing her (or her ridiculous daughter) ever again. This is not about whether you are an asshole. It's more about you're young (hell your whole family seems really young) and that's about the gist of it for ya until you're, I dunno, 40?
Playing devil's advocate here, I think getting up and leaving doesn't say much about his maturity, so honestly, he proved the aunt right. (I completely disagree with her, btw.) I would have stayed, told her and anyone else who backed her, that I respectfully disagreed and would have stayed put. What was the aunt going to do? Physically removed him? Gotten up and left? Stopped talking? Whatever it would have been, HE would have proven her wrong and SHE would have looked childish.
we have a proverb saying something like "the wiser one will step aside (Múdrejší ustúpi)". this means if you see there is a potential conflict you should be wise enough to avoid it and not continue to pour fuel to that fire. He was mature enough to see there is no point arguing further if she does not respect his arguments. She proved to be immature by not being able to listen to the other side, being stubborn and creating unnecessary tension. Also I like a quote i saw on the internet: never argue with a dumb person, they will drag you down to their level. If he stayed the conflict would have probably escalated, everyone would say some nasty things and they wold hate each other for a long time
Load More Replies... NTA but... your own table with..hookers? Well...that is a reflection of a teenage mind so probably the aunt is right about your contribution to adult conversations.
you havent read it thouroughly. OP said there was enough place at both tables so there was no problem with practical arrangements. I wouldnt mind sitting with my younger cousins if there were arrangements problems. but to basically say "get out of this table you are not mature enough to talk to us" is totally rude and disrespecful an OP is totally NTA, but the aunt and all others who back her up definitely are A-s. + OP said he helped to set up the tables/arrangements so apparently he is mature enough to prepare the party but not mature enough to attend. The whole division is a nonsense. everyone should sit where they want. ppl naturally group with other ppl within the same age or hobby group
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