18 Y.O. Cousins Keep Ignoring 16 Y.O. Daughter’s Privacy, So Dad Installs Locks In Her Room And Upsets Both His Wife And Her Brother
It may sound selfish, but people don’t want to share their things with others. There are people who don’t really care if someone takes their things, but usually nobody is fine with others taking their stuff without their permission. It doesn’t matter if you’re a child, an adult, if you paid for the things yourself or you got them for free.
A father on Reddit thinks that it’s normal to want to keep things for yourself, so he bought his daughter a lock as her cousins who are temporarily living in the house were constantly taking her things without her permission. But that led the family to split and not talk to each other, so the father wants to know if he shouldn’t have done anything.
More info: Reddit
A dad is upset after a family fight that he caused when he put a lock on his daughter’s room so her cousins couldn’t take her stuff anymore
Image credits: Susan Dennis (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) lives with his wife and 16-year-old daughter in Quebec, Canada. A couple of months months ago, his BIL Sammy divorced his wife and was kicked out of their home together with his 18-year-old twin daughters. It seems that Sammy’s parents weren’t willing to take him in, but his sister welcomed him to her family home.
The redditor OnlyInQuebec says that his daughter isn’t close with her cousins, but they do get along; however, a huge problem surfaced. Turns out, the older cousins completely disrespect the OP’s daughter Zoey’s privacy and use all her stuff without asking first.
The OP now lives with his wife, his daughter, his BIL and his nieces as there was a divorce and they didn’t have anywhere to go
Image credits: OnlyInQuebec9
They take her makeup, phone accessories, clothes, laptop and other things. Zoey complained to her parents, however, only the dad thought that this was wrong. The mom and Sammy believed that girls in general always share things with each other so there is nothing to worry about.
It broke the dad’s heart when one time, the cousins’ behavior made Zoey cry. The OP said that his daughter had been saving up money and bought a $60 MAC eyeshadow palette. One of the cousins used it and ruined it. Zoey found it on her bed and some of the redditors said that it might have been on purpose to tease the girl.
The problem is that the OP’s nieces, his daughter’s cousins, constantly use her things without asking and even ruin them
Image credits: OnlyInQuebec9
The teenager felt so unsafe about her belongings after this that she kept the more valuable ones at her friend’s house, and when the dad found that out, he got Zoey a lock for her room.
Sammy actually got offended when he found out why the lock was put up. He said that his daughters are not thieves and they are just taking each other’s stuff because it’s just how it works with girls. He also shamed Zoey’s parents for letting her wear makeup and thought it was wrong for her to want to look older.
So the OP thought that it was a good idea to put a lock on his daughter’s door, but that actually offended the BIL
Image credits: OnlyInQuebec9
The worst part is that even his wife, the teen’s mom, wasn’t on their side and their argument was that girls always share things
Image credits: OnlyInQuebec9
The teenager’s mom, the OP’s wife, was actually on her brother’s side. She thought that putting a lock on the door made it harder for the cousins to spend time together and now that the girls are living with them, they should be treated as daughters.
The dad was not backing down and promised to only take off the lock when the BIL’s family would move out. That upset his wife as she thought he was implying they should kick out Sammy and her daughters, which would make her family mad at the OP. Which is funny, as they welcomed Sammy into their home for the very reason of the wife’s parents refusing to let their son and granddaughters stay at their home for a bit.
Image credits: OnlyInQuebec9
The OP isn’t going to remove the lock as long as the BIL and his daughters are living under the same roof because he saw how upset his daughter was
Image credits: OnlyInQuebec9
This created a lot of tension in the house because nobody is talking to the dad and Zoey. The OP wrote in the comments that his daughter feels like she is doing something wrong, even though in reality she was the one that suffered from her cousins.
The comments were really supportive of the dad and reassured him that he did exactly what needed to be done in the situation and that his daughter probably feels very appreciative even if she didn’t say anything.
Image credits: OnlyInQuebec9
Now the family isn’t talking with the OP and his daughter, so he asks if he overreacted by putting a lock on the door
Image credits: OnlyInQuebec9
Do you feel that Zoey and her dad overreacted and it was unnecessary to offend the family that recently went through a rough time? Or do you sympathize with the teenager and would get her a lock too if you were her parent? Let us know your reactions in the comments!
People in the comments didn’t think so at all and saw the cousins as thieves and thanked the OP for being a considerate father
Sounds like there are good reasons the rest of the family won't let BIL and his kids live with them.
Looks like his wife's side of the family is made of bullies that don't understand boundaries or that taking without asking is stealing
Load More Replies..."Borrowing" means asking to temporarily use an item belonging to someone else. "Stealing" is taking that item without asking. "Assholism" is stealing, then ruining that item. The cousins are both thieves and assholes, and it's clear where they got it from. OP is definitely NTA, but he needs to have a talk with his wife. If she's siding with her brother over her own daughter, y'all have bigger problems.
So, apparantly the BIL thinks that Zoey is "acting older than she is" (16 is nearly a f*****g adult, and clearly Zoey is more of a mature young woman than the cousins) but yet at the same time, BIL says "stop babying her"... make up your damn mind you deranged bastard. As for Zoeys mother... she should be siding with her own daughter, wtf.
A 16yo girl living in a house with a single adult man should have a lock on her door ANYWAY.
Load More Replies...NTA. Good for him for standing up for his daughter. They need to leave. I grew up homeless for the majority of my childhood. I had nothing. If I treasured something, my cousins broke it. Example? I received a toy keyboard for my 9th birthday. They came over to see our new rental house. A converted garage where I finally had my own room. I was so excited to show them my room and my Lizard Hercules that I'd caught in the back yard. I left the room to take the littlest cousin to the bathroom and when I returned they had poured juice on my keyboard and squished my pet Lizard with his sunning rock. They killed my pet. They broke my keyboard. When I began crying and told my mom, my uncle backhanded me in the mouth and called me a selfish bitch. Rinse and repeat my whole life. This man hated me. The whole family did. My mom did nothing and I was expected to let it go. Don't do this to your kids. Stand up and speak up.
so like the uncle is expecting his niece to get $15 makeup from Walmart....cuz she doesn't 'need' something that expensive...but fine with his daughters vandalising the expensive makeup???? like cant his daughters get d $15 makeup??????
She might also be allergic to a cheap ingredient, or care about what she puts on her skin. Whatever her reason it is none of his business and he needs to teach his children some boundaries, otherwise they'll have a nasty shock out in the real world when they come across people who won't tolerate their s h I t.
Load More Replies...Saying someone's kid has a "defect" (especially in this wholly unfounded context) is an invitation to an ass-kicking where I'm from.
Kid makeup? Is he saying replace a $40 CoverGirl set with a $15 MLP make a cutie mark pack? Why should the father replace what was damaged in the first place. He was right by what he did. I had a similar incident with some cousins who would do similar stuff mainly steal DVDs, video games, and petty cash. Got a lock put on problem fixed itself as they had no reason to come in the house anymore. Stepmom still blames for causing her nieces and nephews for not liking her anymore.
18 is old enough to know to ask before you borrow. Sure, we all took our sisters stuff without asking at times, but those times either we had a sisterly understanding or they ended in conflict. Doesn’t seem like these girls have that type of relationship so naturally it ends in conflict. This is obvious and the OP and BP both know that.
Huge red flag! I left home because my Stepmom and stepsister got whatever and I had holes in my clothes, no food, last straw was when I came home and stepsister was using my pc that my mum got me for present. I ran away and never returned. I have no relationship with my dad or his side of family. When children grow up and don't keep in touch with you remember your wife is to blame. Caring more about his brothers and his daughters feelings rather her own underage daughter. Just wow. I would lock then out of house, put wife out as well
NTA. Well done in standing up for your daughter's privacy and right to be respected as a human being, you're a fuc*ing wonderful father! Your wife however seems happy for her own daughter to be abused and treated like crap by her brother and nieces, that would be a relationship ender for me. My child comes first before EVERYONE including my spouse and myself. Tell her if she prefers to stick up for her brother, she can move out of the house and go live somewhere with him and his nieces. She either starts acting like a mother protecting her daughter, or she's shown the door. If the nieces begin beating your daughter up, I feel the mother would shrug it off as horseplay. She's either an extremely lazy parent, or she's got some unnaturally close obsession with her brother and his daughters. Either way is creepy, get rid of her and her whole family.
I didn't get the impression that OP's wife has an unnaturally close, creepy obsession with her brother.
Load More Replies...How come the BIL didn't have a problem with the defects his daughters had by wearing adult makeup. He should have gotten on their butts for taking anything that didn't belong to them. Parents may have been through this and aren't willing to risk the three into their home again
“Fine, honey, I’ll take the lock off the door but I’m getting our child a safe/filing cabinet/lockbox for her to store whatever she wants in it”. Everyone deserves to have some stuff “off limits” to anyone else. Just make sure a parent has another key until the kid turns 18.
Sounds like she needs the lock to maintain personal space. Why should people be in her room when she's not there and without permission? Keep the lock. Remove the relatives.
Load More Replies...Friends borrow items from each other with their permission. Not random relatives. If a cousin of mine would take my stuff without ever respecting me saying no, and i have no other option to do anything about it, it'd end in a physical fight.
Absolutely NTA! I understand that Zoey's family is being super magnanimous by letting Sammy and his girls move in after they have been kicked out of their home. However, this kindness and magnanimity displayed SHOULD NEVER BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF! I totally support Zoey's father and Zoey. Those girls showed utter and complete disrespect for Zoey and her belongings. No one would like it if they had their own room ransacked and their belongings destroyed right?Besides, they didn't even have PROPER MANNERS AND COMMON COURTESY TO ASK ZOEY FOR PERMISSION BEFORE TAKING HER STUFF :( like excuse me that's the most basic thing a decent human being can do. And I would like to debunk the belief that "all teenage girls share stuff and therefore it's alright to take another girl's stuff without her permission". This perspective is extremely flawed. As a teenage girl myself whos the same age as Zoey, I hate it when people take my stuff without my permission. Kudos to Zoey's dad whos an amazing parent!
I can tell you, as a teenager the only thing I ever shared with another teenage girl (I'm female btw) was maybe lunch (it was split before either of us ate anything). But that was it. Not make up, not belonging. Nothing. So Sammy saying teenage girls share stuff all the time is bullshit.
Load More Replies...There is a vast difference between borrowing and stealing. The twins were plain stealing. If borrowing, then ask first and return either in the same condition or better.
I always had a lock on my door. My kids had one on their doors. Whatever someone needs to feel control over their environment. Kids get so little control over so little of theirs lives, is it so bad to let them have control over one room of the house?
We don't have locks, but we do have a rule: you don't enter a room without knocking and the person who's room it is telling you it's okay to enter. My sons don't have to share their stuff when they don't want to and have a right to privacy.
Load More Replies...NTA at all! People understand boundaries only when their properties are involved. Lock is an awesome idea!
Good job Dad! They are being rude and inconsiderate, and actually it's stealing!EVERYONE has the right to privacy, especially in their own home. Don't back down.
NTA. Plenty of doors have locks. It's no big deal. The thieving twins and their dad are only taking it personally because they're losing their access to free stuff.
My niece is almost 11 and has two older and one younger sister. Her mom is an nighttime ER nurse and step dad is a fireman. The 17 year old ends up being in charge most days. 17yo got a new King size bed that she's meant to be sharing with my niece. She makes her sleep on the floor. My niece says she doesn't care but it really pisses me off. For Christmas I got her a 2' tall locker with a combination lock so she can keep her things in there. The kid will by no means go hungry but they always steal her snacks she got for herself. She's loaded up bags of food from my house to hide away from her sisters. They'll order Uber Eats but not get her anything. I know I'm going to hear from her mom when she takes that locker home. Even if she just puts her "private" things in their. Journal, drawings, etc. they tease her so now they can't get at her things.
Why the hell did someone buy a king-size bed for two girls who don't get along to share??? Seriously, that makes no sense, two twin beds would mean fewer fights and probably cost less.
Load More Replies...If it is a defect to wear high end makeup, then aren't the cousins defective as well?
NTA. If they weren't breaking into her room all the time to take stuff that didn't belong to them, they wouldn't have even noticed the lock.
Wow. As a teen myself I can say that privacy is very valuable to me. I'm very happy that the dad is sticking up for Zoey but I'm also mad at the rest of the family for not knowing what boundaries are. As for the makeup kit, I LOVE makeup, so I completely understand how hard it is to spend $60 on a good kit just to have someone mix everything up (especially since it took her over a month to save up!). I hope this gets resolved, but what makes me mad is that not even the mom can understand the situation her daughter is in. This is not "normal teenage behavior". The fact that Zoey has to hide valuable items now is saying a lot. I'm hoping the uncle and cousins can move out ASAP.
The wives side of the family would not take them in. That in itself would have been a red flag, and I would have asked them why before even making a decision. They knew what they were like and thought "Hell no!" straight away. Kick 'em out and wash your hands of them. Make sure they know that if anything goes missing or gets damaged the police will be involved
It is sad that even the mother is giving her own child the silent treatment. She is choosing her brother and nieces over her own daughter's feelings and acting like a child. Times are obviously tough, but if he doesn't get BiL out of the house, he's going to lose his marriage and the mother/daughter relationship could be damaged beyond even more repair than it needs now.
NTA. BIL needs to teach his children (idc that they're 18, they are acting like children) that a) you don't go into other people's rooms without their permission, b) you don't take their stuff without their permission, and c) you definitely don't RUIN their stuff without their permission. That's not 'being a teenage girl', that's being an a-hole. And I bet the girls don't do that to each other's stuff.
I have aunts like this and I hate visiting them they don't only use my stuff like it's theirs they even steal money so if they steal make up they could go for bigger stuff if you don't step up now they might think their behaviour will be enabled and then they start to even steal your money. Kick them out before it's too late. They are the guests so they should respect your house and rules. No wonder his own wife and parents don't want him. That sister aka mom of Zoey needs to get her priorities right as well. I don't imagine her daughter ever having a close bond with her.b
What the father did was right for his daughter! He's a great dad..in fact, if someone should actually live in another's house, they should respect the rules of that family because they're just visitors in that house either by blood or not..they should give respect!! I don't like the wife' s reaction...she doesn't really understand what true family is..what she lost here is her own daughter and husband and that's her very own family!! She should know the role of being a mother to her daughter, a wife to her husband, a sister to her brother and an aunt to her nieces..ergo, she should prioritize her very own family then helping others...😇😇
Wtf, even the mother doesn't respect her own daughter's privacy? Damn. And borrowing is fine, but borrowing means that one person will ask the other "Can I borrow this?" and that person says: "Okay" it's only borrowed if there has been consent. Taking without permission is theft. And since these cousins are adults who should have learned about "consent" at the age of 18, they are lucky Zoey isn't calling the police for which she has all the rights. Maybe Olivia and Sloane are okay with taking each other's stuff without permission, but still, Zoey is not the sister they grew up with and their parents should have taught them not to take from others without that magic word: consent. And Zoey bought that makeup set from her own saved money, so why shouldn't she own that? The only person sticking up for her is her father. Not even her own mother. I feel another divorce is coming up. If you're not even on the same page about respecting boundaries, then you really have a problem.
First-when I first read it, I missed that the cousins were 18! I thought maybe they were younger!! Is there a plan for the BIL and his adult daughters to get back on their own? There needs to be a goal for this arrangement to end. Rather than being grateful for a place to live, he tells them how to treat their kid!! The lock on daughter's door is none of his business. Seems like one or all of the these adult freeloaders should spend their time working hard to get back on their feet and less time judging how he raises his daughter. This is going to implode their family if this continues. Wife seems more concerned about keeping family peace than about her daughter's well being!
Young children can be taught you ask first if you want to borrow something though. It is the lack of effort put into teaching these people that someone else's belongings aren't a free for all. The mother is picking the wrong side and her daughter won't forget that.
Load More Replies...If OP needs to regard the cousins as daughters, shouldn't he start with disciplining them? House arrest for using other ppls stuff without consent. Because stealing is very bad. To be fair, dad could install locks on everyone's door and demand everyone keeps their own room in order (weekly checks) and make a household chore roster for everyone. Because, if you live there as "family" you chip in with work and finances. Do they pay rent? For food? Electricity and gas? Because at 18, the cousins are adult and should help paying bills, just like b-i-l.
Sorry, but the first person to touch my things without my permission will only do this once and never again. That I can assure you. You go dad for sticking up for your daughter when noone else does.
"That's just what girls do." As an older sister, let me tell you something. I used to try to "borrow" things from my sister who is three years younger than me. She thumped my skull for my troubles! My parents told me that's what happens when you steal from your sister.
The poor girl is dealing with two THIEVES! They are 18 tell the two b#$%he's to get a job and buy their own crap. The 2 of them and their crap father need to be kicked to the curb!!
No one should be forced to share and no one has any right to use something of someone else's without asking. Since the 18 yr olds aren't responsible and honest enough to give the 16 yr old her privacy, she had every right to have a lock on her door. BIL, twins, and wife are completely out of line. I'd be extremely upset if one of my parents didn't respect, defend, and protect my right to privacy.
Wow I never thought that taking someone without asking them is called borrowing
Don't get why people always fail to see the most simple solution for a problem. In this case that would be kicking out the brother in law, his crotch gremlins and if need be the wife too.
You are definitely not the asshole. Thanks for taking up for your daughter. Your wife could use a few pointers from you on parenting and boundaries.
Never feel bad about trying to protect your child.This might be the exact reason why his parents didn't want him and his kids in their home.As for your wife she's being inconsiderate judging from the fact that she's not supporting her child but rather siding with those ingrates who are making her child uncomfortable in her own home. You should also avoid talking to them because they don't deserve your attention. And keep protecting your child no matter who gets angry in the process.
The rest of the family don't want them, the mother/wife even kicked them out. Obviously the BIL and twins are more trouble than they're worth, I would not only kick them out but also your wife for not even supposed own daughter and husband
I agree with letting the girls have access to mums expensive perfumes and stuff then see. Besides which what does it matter she has expensive make up. She's at an insecure stage in her life as is without some ass hat saying she's defected never mind she paid with her own money so she has every right to be angry
The whole concept of borrowing is that it is done by first asking permission, and second, by obtaining the owner's consent. That's not what is happening here. Sounds like the brother is a good for nothing and that he and the wife are enabling the two young women (who should either be in school or have jobs or both) to behave inappropriately. Sounds like the wife is cut from the same cloth as the brother, which is an issue when she is not protecting her daughter. Hope dad can stand his ground, and keep protecting the daughter, and it's time for the three freeloaders to move out.
there is also a third aspect to borrowing: return it in the same shape/state as when you borrowed it or even better. returning a ruined make up does not fulfill any of the 3
Load More Replies...I think the cousins are acting out because they're not living with their mom. They're purposely creating problems for poor zoey and her family because their family is broken so they want to break other family's too. They're jealous of her MAC makeup and her family and parents still being together. Clearly, the twins have a lot of emotional baggage to work out.
BIL and his daughters know they are the assholes here - why else would they get so triggered by a lock? If everything is great and peachy, then OP's daughter wouldn't use the lock but clearly, everyone knows thats not whats going to happen.
Look, I grew up with sisters. You share stuff and borrow stuff and sometimes you take it without asking. But that's after living together for years and knowing what you can and can't do. You know if the other person values something, so you're carefully with it. I would've never taken my cousins stuff because I don't live with them, don't know them as well. In any case you take care of it and give it back in pristine condition
those people need to be treated the way they treat others, take their stuff without leting them known, invaide their privacy and personal ithems, go into their room when there arent home, move stuff and leave. They will get the message... anyway, i always found it funny, when people are married, the wife/husband always say "their" family but always exlude their partner on behalf of entitled pricks-siblings... Yours primary family unit is you, your wife and your kids. not your mil, bil, fin, sil... sure, they are family, but your primary inner circle.
Can we make a separate "Am I TA?" category here on bored panda? These are one sided stories, sometimes there is an updated but it's more like tabloid material, usually bashing and lynching one person of the story.
Yeah that's a good idea! I would love a separate section for AITA. Also good point. These are mostly NTA because the OPs probably leave out important details in their favor 99%of the time.
Load More Replies...I just want to say, kudos to dad. Look out for your household and kid(s). Sooooo maybe I'm wrong but, why were the girls kicked out of mom's house? .maybe that answers the question to why the girls act like they do.
Why would BIL's teen daughter not be "defective " for taking and using adult makeup. And why doesn't he buy her some $15 Walmart makeup so she won't ruin her cousin's.
There's a big difference between "borrowing" and downright theft. I had a similar problem with my oldest stepdaughter. She was used to being her Dad's "right arm" and having him confide his personal problems with her (DO NOT subject your children to this!) Needless to say, when they moved into my house, she didn't really have a role anymore. Of course, they all had chores, etc., but I was the woman in charge, not her. I did the grocery shopping & meal planning, I cooked (because I love to) and do the majority of cleaning and I AM THE ONE who takes care of my husband. I would have felt bad for her if she hadn't been such a manipulating, lying little witch (she was 18, btw). She was getting ready to go out and came upstairs wearing my brand new sweatshirt (American Eagle, maybe?). I asked her where she got it and she told me it was in the laundry room. "Is it yours?" I asked, and she says, "Well, no." "No, it's not. Go take it off right now and next time you cont'd ...
ASK PERMISSION before you take something that doesn't belong to you. The main problem? None of my stepchildren (4) were ever made to follow any rules & basically did whatever the hell they wanted without ever having to take responsibility or face consequences. Moving in with me was a major eye-opening experience for all of them. I was a monster! They had to do chores! They had curfews! They were expected to do homework! They had to respect the other family members & their property! 14 year olds WERE NOT allowed to drink beer! Yeah, I probably should have had my head examined. Needless to say, he & I divorced almost 20 years ago. Vowed never to date anyone again who had kids still living at home. New husband's kids were all grown & on their own when we met 14 years ago, but he still parents the same way I do.
Load More Replies...Don't back down. Thank you for taking your daughter's privacy seriously enough to do this for her. A verbal request for her cousins to leave her stuff along should have been sufficient. Seeing as how they had no respect for her personal area/belongings, I would have done the same thing. Your wife needs to get her head out of her a$$.
Those girls were not borrowing, they were stealing! You ask if you want to borrow. If it is not yours you do not touch. What sort of riff-raff have you let into your home? That wife of yours is not a good example of a parent. You stick to your guns!
Sometimes when bullies are called out, they say they are just having fun. But it's only really fun if everyone is having fun. Since Zoey is not on board with sharing her stuff, it is stealing. The lock should stay.
They're awfully upset about not being able to go in to a 16 y/o girl's room. If they didn't do anything wrong, why are the so bothered about being called out? There is a bright red alarm light flashing regarding other relatives not letting them stay with them. Wife needs to rethink her loyalties, good thing Zoey has 1 parent looking out for her. NTA!!
I would have placed a claymore mine on the door, if it wasn't for the hypervelocity ball bearings destroying the house when it goes off. WTF is wrong with people?
The father should kick the wife, BIL and evil twins out of the house and get rid of them while it's time!
I'd expect behavior these 18 year Olds are displaying from a 3 year old, enough said.
the BIL'S daughters are not teenagers. they are legally adults. charge them all rent. anyone who makes one of my daughters cry gets put through the f*****g wall.
A 16 year old should be able to lock her(or his) door regardless. And you are allowed to have nice things and not expect them to be stolen, doesn't matter what it is. Finally, at 16 you are old enough to be able to experiment with your apperence. It's about finding yourself, not appear older etc. Keep the lock.
What's wrong with the older girls that they don't have jobs and buy their own stuff? They're mooching off a 16 year old girl who works hard to save up for her own stuff. The mother doesn't sound like she cares about her daughter's feelings and lacks empathy. Is she a narcissist? Dad sounds like a kind and caring person who listens and doesn't judge, and someone who acts to protect those he cares about. How all good parents should be.
The girls are 18 kick their asses out. If you don't stick up for your own kid then you are a ass hat. If he doesn't like it tell him where the door is and don't let it hit him in the ass on the way out. Good for you sticking up for your daughter.
I have two sisters and yes, we took each others’ stuff. But there was a balance between us so it worked. There is no balance here. To me, this seems like a power grab where the relatives move in and take over, putting you and your child in a subordinate place. I recommend having a very clear conversation with Sammy about his and his daughter’s’ behaviour while accepting your charity. You should also remind your wife that if she does not like it, she is free to provide them with charity all on her own.
First of all: 1) It is NEVER POLITE to enter a room that is not yours without asking. Knock before you enter, permission not granted, you should not enter. 2) It is NEVER POLITE to take things or borrow things without asking that is as good as stealing even as a family member. If no permission is given, you should not take anything that does not belongs to you. Moreover the daughter paid for those stuffs. Seems to be that this family is just trying to give EXCUSES to force them out anyways so might as well just spilt up, there is no love in their hearts nor is there a hint of courtesy. It could be the parents behind it all and influenced the children and the wife, we never know. Sounds pretty passive aggressive if you ask me.
What the fork? I was a teenage girl and I didn't share anything with my sister (!!!) unless she asked. Mind you: my sister! Those are strangers in the house and they are thieves. Why is it so hard to call it the right name? Teenagers have enough problems with growing up, hormones and social media. Entitled and spoiled family members are the rotten cherry on top. Great father for standing up to parasites.
That sounds like a great dad. No matter what age you deserve privacy and especially if someone is coming in your room and just taking things
I had a cousin and her mother who acted like this, and nobody ever stuck up for me. Ever. And when I complained loudly enough, they turned on me just like this and made out I was a terrible person for objecting. Mother not respecting my privacy was bad enough, but allowing the relatives to do it was just awful. I am an old lady now, but it still hurts.
I realise they are cousins. But it's my parents attitude which is similar to the mum and brother in law. As to why I'm no contact with my sister. And if I have to host her. Everything she has no right to access gets locked away. I mean she even stole and lost things I borrowed from friends so I would have to pay to replace it. Good on the dad having his daughters back.
Eu achei certa a atitude do pai, afinal sua filha deixou claro que estava se sentindo desconfortável dentro da própria casa. Os hóspedes são abusivos e isso explica claramente o motivo dos avós não aceitarem eles em sua casa.
Does the BIL have a job? Does the 18th year old twins have a job? Sounds like they don't. So, far to me according to the situation from divorce, to being put out to the privacy of Zoey, it sounds like those 3 can't even act their own age. If the twins are 18th then they can get a job. If they have 1 they can buy their own stuffs, clothes as well. If the bil is divorce for a reason then why did his wife put out her twins along with him? Have to be for a reason which explains their behavior towards their cousin. So far Zoey has done and thought nothing wrong but acting maturely for her age. Your wife, nieces and bil ain't acting theirs. Keep on protecting your daughter sir. That's something most girls wish from their fathers. Also, teach her how to protect herself as well. I know someone will say something about this last thought of but if you can sir, put 1 of those locks that can lock from the inside as well, those sliding ones and a good one too. I hope you see this comment sir.
If they're not thieves why did they even notice the lock in the first place? This is NOT teenage behaviour. It is selfish and bad behaviour and would not have been tolerated among siblings, in my family, much less visiting cousins.
Me and my brother share stuff, like we know we can go in each other's room even if empty and borrow a phone charger/a pen/spare coins even... If we had the same size and style we'd do the same with clothes I'm sure. But that's because we've reached a level of trust that allows us to do so, and we'd still get very angry if we lost or broke the other person's stuff. I repeat: we are brother and sister, we've lived together our whole life, we respect each other and have an excellent bond and level of trust. Three cousins who are not close and were suddenly forced by events/other people to live together... Not the same. Also, your wife asked you to treat them as daughters: well, that's exactly what you did! She didn't, she is just being the cool aunt that always takes the guests' side. Unfair. Your daughter should be very grateful to you. Also I agree with the peeaon who commented to suggest the girls to "borrow" their aunt's things... That'll teach her
is not as if her things are everyones things, they are hers, it doesnt mean she cant borrow them but that people have to ask her before borrowing them, I dont think the cousins are mean, horrible people but they really need to have a serious talk about respect, but with their dad being so insensitive and disrespectful it will be hard for this to happen
It's clear to me that the wife is the problem. She cannot defend her daughter and husband.
This is speaking from an anthropological POV and has nothing to do with PC. In more ancient times, or rural places current day, couples can only marry when both are of similar social standing. A lot of people see this as an archaic and utterly unreasonable practice, myself included. But there is merit in such a practice and this is one example why. Privacy, believe it or not, is a privilege. When you're living with 7 siblings and share even your underwear, such a concept is unheard of unless your family is always healthy on the cashflow front.
Nearly every single one of the AITA posts that show up here on BP are fictional. It is extremely well known that there are a few posters who use throwaway accounts to post garbage like this, wholly fabricated, to gain a ton of karma quickly. A couple of the authors have even done AMA's about how much fun they have with their little game. It's just....so dumb.
I didn't read all of this but enough to know what's going on. Leave the lock on the door even after they're gone. I don't like to share my stuff or loan anything out. It never comes back the same. That is a lesson I learned early on. We are all different, so to each his own. But, I'm with you sir and I applaud your actions and thank you!
I need someone to clear something up for me. Is borrowing clothes and such normal for teenage girls? I have 2 sisters that are 2 and 4 years younger than me, and none of us have the same style or taste in colors, or even the same size, so we can't share.
First I was like 'Why would the mother kick her daughters out of the house too?!'. But honestly after I read the whole story I'm starting to understand why 😅 For me, a hardcore-introvert, it would be the absolute horror if I suddenly had to live in a house with uncles und cousins and them walking in my room whenever they want to, also just taking my stuff without my permission. Imo she's lucky to have a father who understands that boundaries and privacy are very important things that everyone should respect. I just hope her mother starts to understand that too.
Kick the BIL and his kids out. If they can't respect OP and his daughter (defect? seriously?) they've outstayed their welcome. And kick the wife out too until she learns to be a good parent.
The sisters can borrow from each other. But to go into their cousin's room without her knowledge - unless she gave blanket permission - is not done. NTA. Keep your daughter safe, she is doing well. Those other girls aren't being careful with others' belongings, with or without permission.
Dude. Same thing happened to me. Except it was my step sister who's 3 years younger. I fell on hard times n had to move in w/ mom n stepdad. My step sister didn't live w/ us. She lived in a mansion w/ her mom n step dad. Spoiled AF! only child syndrome. I'd go to work n come home to her n her friends wearing my clothes, taking my s**t. Smoking my weed. Stealing packs of cigarettes etc. i told her to ask next time . Which I have no problem sharing! JUST FUCKEN ASK FIRST! She didn't. She then started stealing s**t. Taking my clothes out of the house n not saying a word. I'd see her on Instagram in my fucken clothes. I also collect vintage band Ts ... ones that I rarely if ever wear... she was wearing a fucken vintage Pink Floyd shirt from their brain damage tour in 1970, my dad (now deceased) gave it to me! I have never even worn it! She cut the sleeves off n cropped it "to make it cuter".... don't back down! NTA! Ppl will take n take as long as they can. Don't let them!
Why are Bored Panda putting up "new" posts, that I clearly remember reading early last year!!! Surely there's new things out there
OK,I might be the bad person here but I can see the wife's family's point. It's just stuff. It doesn't matter. They had essentially lost their home, they needed to feel normal. 18 year olds would probably be going thru alot of emotions, anger, resentment frustration, shame, sadness. They are kids. Things can be replaced. People can't.
Sounds like there are good reasons the rest of the family won't let BIL and his kids live with them.
Looks like his wife's side of the family is made of bullies that don't understand boundaries or that taking without asking is stealing
Load More Replies..."Borrowing" means asking to temporarily use an item belonging to someone else. "Stealing" is taking that item without asking. "Assholism" is stealing, then ruining that item. The cousins are both thieves and assholes, and it's clear where they got it from. OP is definitely NTA, but he needs to have a talk with his wife. If she's siding with her brother over her own daughter, y'all have bigger problems.
So, apparantly the BIL thinks that Zoey is "acting older than she is" (16 is nearly a f*****g adult, and clearly Zoey is more of a mature young woman than the cousins) but yet at the same time, BIL says "stop babying her"... make up your damn mind you deranged bastard. As for Zoeys mother... she should be siding with her own daughter, wtf.
A 16yo girl living in a house with a single adult man should have a lock on her door ANYWAY.
Load More Replies...NTA. Good for him for standing up for his daughter. They need to leave. I grew up homeless for the majority of my childhood. I had nothing. If I treasured something, my cousins broke it. Example? I received a toy keyboard for my 9th birthday. They came over to see our new rental house. A converted garage where I finally had my own room. I was so excited to show them my room and my Lizard Hercules that I'd caught in the back yard. I left the room to take the littlest cousin to the bathroom and when I returned they had poured juice on my keyboard and squished my pet Lizard with his sunning rock. They killed my pet. They broke my keyboard. When I began crying and told my mom, my uncle backhanded me in the mouth and called me a selfish bitch. Rinse and repeat my whole life. This man hated me. The whole family did. My mom did nothing and I was expected to let it go. Don't do this to your kids. Stand up and speak up.
so like the uncle is expecting his niece to get $15 makeup from Walmart....cuz she doesn't 'need' something that expensive...but fine with his daughters vandalising the expensive makeup???? like cant his daughters get d $15 makeup??????
She might also be allergic to a cheap ingredient, or care about what she puts on her skin. Whatever her reason it is none of his business and he needs to teach his children some boundaries, otherwise they'll have a nasty shock out in the real world when they come across people who won't tolerate their s h I t.
Load More Replies...Saying someone's kid has a "defect" (especially in this wholly unfounded context) is an invitation to an ass-kicking where I'm from.
Kid makeup? Is he saying replace a $40 CoverGirl set with a $15 MLP make a cutie mark pack? Why should the father replace what was damaged in the first place. He was right by what he did. I had a similar incident with some cousins who would do similar stuff mainly steal DVDs, video games, and petty cash. Got a lock put on problem fixed itself as they had no reason to come in the house anymore. Stepmom still blames for causing her nieces and nephews for not liking her anymore.
18 is old enough to know to ask before you borrow. Sure, we all took our sisters stuff without asking at times, but those times either we had a sisterly understanding or they ended in conflict. Doesn’t seem like these girls have that type of relationship so naturally it ends in conflict. This is obvious and the OP and BP both know that.
Huge red flag! I left home because my Stepmom and stepsister got whatever and I had holes in my clothes, no food, last straw was when I came home and stepsister was using my pc that my mum got me for present. I ran away and never returned. I have no relationship with my dad or his side of family. When children grow up and don't keep in touch with you remember your wife is to blame. Caring more about his brothers and his daughters feelings rather her own underage daughter. Just wow. I would lock then out of house, put wife out as well
NTA. Well done in standing up for your daughter's privacy and right to be respected as a human being, you're a fuc*ing wonderful father! Your wife however seems happy for her own daughter to be abused and treated like crap by her brother and nieces, that would be a relationship ender for me. My child comes first before EVERYONE including my spouse and myself. Tell her if she prefers to stick up for her brother, she can move out of the house and go live somewhere with him and his nieces. She either starts acting like a mother protecting her daughter, or she's shown the door. If the nieces begin beating your daughter up, I feel the mother would shrug it off as horseplay. She's either an extremely lazy parent, or she's got some unnaturally close obsession with her brother and his daughters. Either way is creepy, get rid of her and her whole family.
I didn't get the impression that OP's wife has an unnaturally close, creepy obsession with her brother.
Load More Replies...How come the BIL didn't have a problem with the defects his daughters had by wearing adult makeup. He should have gotten on their butts for taking anything that didn't belong to them. Parents may have been through this and aren't willing to risk the three into their home again
“Fine, honey, I’ll take the lock off the door but I’m getting our child a safe/filing cabinet/lockbox for her to store whatever she wants in it”. Everyone deserves to have some stuff “off limits” to anyone else. Just make sure a parent has another key until the kid turns 18.
Sounds like she needs the lock to maintain personal space. Why should people be in her room when she's not there and without permission? Keep the lock. Remove the relatives.
Load More Replies...Friends borrow items from each other with their permission. Not random relatives. If a cousin of mine would take my stuff without ever respecting me saying no, and i have no other option to do anything about it, it'd end in a physical fight.
Absolutely NTA! I understand that Zoey's family is being super magnanimous by letting Sammy and his girls move in after they have been kicked out of their home. However, this kindness and magnanimity displayed SHOULD NEVER BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF! I totally support Zoey's father and Zoey. Those girls showed utter and complete disrespect for Zoey and her belongings. No one would like it if they had their own room ransacked and their belongings destroyed right?Besides, they didn't even have PROPER MANNERS AND COMMON COURTESY TO ASK ZOEY FOR PERMISSION BEFORE TAKING HER STUFF :( like excuse me that's the most basic thing a decent human being can do. And I would like to debunk the belief that "all teenage girls share stuff and therefore it's alright to take another girl's stuff without her permission". This perspective is extremely flawed. As a teenage girl myself whos the same age as Zoey, I hate it when people take my stuff without my permission. Kudos to Zoey's dad whos an amazing parent!
I can tell you, as a teenager the only thing I ever shared with another teenage girl (I'm female btw) was maybe lunch (it was split before either of us ate anything). But that was it. Not make up, not belonging. Nothing. So Sammy saying teenage girls share stuff all the time is bullshit.
Load More Replies...There is a vast difference between borrowing and stealing. The twins were plain stealing. If borrowing, then ask first and return either in the same condition or better.
I always had a lock on my door. My kids had one on their doors. Whatever someone needs to feel control over their environment. Kids get so little control over so little of theirs lives, is it so bad to let them have control over one room of the house?
We don't have locks, but we do have a rule: you don't enter a room without knocking and the person who's room it is telling you it's okay to enter. My sons don't have to share their stuff when they don't want to and have a right to privacy.
Load More Replies...NTA at all! People understand boundaries only when their properties are involved. Lock is an awesome idea!
Good job Dad! They are being rude and inconsiderate, and actually it's stealing!EVERYONE has the right to privacy, especially in their own home. Don't back down.
NTA. Plenty of doors have locks. It's no big deal. The thieving twins and their dad are only taking it personally because they're losing their access to free stuff.
My niece is almost 11 and has two older and one younger sister. Her mom is an nighttime ER nurse and step dad is a fireman. The 17 year old ends up being in charge most days. 17yo got a new King size bed that she's meant to be sharing with my niece. She makes her sleep on the floor. My niece says she doesn't care but it really pisses me off. For Christmas I got her a 2' tall locker with a combination lock so she can keep her things in there. The kid will by no means go hungry but they always steal her snacks she got for herself. She's loaded up bags of food from my house to hide away from her sisters. They'll order Uber Eats but not get her anything. I know I'm going to hear from her mom when she takes that locker home. Even if she just puts her "private" things in their. Journal, drawings, etc. they tease her so now they can't get at her things.
Why the hell did someone buy a king-size bed for two girls who don't get along to share??? Seriously, that makes no sense, two twin beds would mean fewer fights and probably cost less.
Load More Replies...If it is a defect to wear high end makeup, then aren't the cousins defective as well?
NTA. If they weren't breaking into her room all the time to take stuff that didn't belong to them, they wouldn't have even noticed the lock.
Wow. As a teen myself I can say that privacy is very valuable to me. I'm very happy that the dad is sticking up for Zoey but I'm also mad at the rest of the family for not knowing what boundaries are. As for the makeup kit, I LOVE makeup, so I completely understand how hard it is to spend $60 on a good kit just to have someone mix everything up (especially since it took her over a month to save up!). I hope this gets resolved, but what makes me mad is that not even the mom can understand the situation her daughter is in. This is not "normal teenage behavior". The fact that Zoey has to hide valuable items now is saying a lot. I'm hoping the uncle and cousins can move out ASAP.
The wives side of the family would not take them in. That in itself would have been a red flag, and I would have asked them why before even making a decision. They knew what they were like and thought "Hell no!" straight away. Kick 'em out and wash your hands of them. Make sure they know that if anything goes missing or gets damaged the police will be involved
It is sad that even the mother is giving her own child the silent treatment. She is choosing her brother and nieces over her own daughter's feelings and acting like a child. Times are obviously tough, but if he doesn't get BiL out of the house, he's going to lose his marriage and the mother/daughter relationship could be damaged beyond even more repair than it needs now.
NTA. BIL needs to teach his children (idc that they're 18, they are acting like children) that a) you don't go into other people's rooms without their permission, b) you don't take their stuff without their permission, and c) you definitely don't RUIN their stuff without their permission. That's not 'being a teenage girl', that's being an a-hole. And I bet the girls don't do that to each other's stuff.
I have aunts like this and I hate visiting them they don't only use my stuff like it's theirs they even steal money so if they steal make up they could go for bigger stuff if you don't step up now they might think their behaviour will be enabled and then they start to even steal your money. Kick them out before it's too late. They are the guests so they should respect your house and rules. No wonder his own wife and parents don't want him. That sister aka mom of Zoey needs to get her priorities right as well. I don't imagine her daughter ever having a close bond with her.b
What the father did was right for his daughter! He's a great dad..in fact, if someone should actually live in another's house, they should respect the rules of that family because they're just visitors in that house either by blood or not..they should give respect!! I don't like the wife' s reaction...she doesn't really understand what true family is..what she lost here is her own daughter and husband and that's her very own family!! She should know the role of being a mother to her daughter, a wife to her husband, a sister to her brother and an aunt to her nieces..ergo, she should prioritize her very own family then helping others...😇😇
Wtf, even the mother doesn't respect her own daughter's privacy? Damn. And borrowing is fine, but borrowing means that one person will ask the other "Can I borrow this?" and that person says: "Okay" it's only borrowed if there has been consent. Taking without permission is theft. And since these cousins are adults who should have learned about "consent" at the age of 18, they are lucky Zoey isn't calling the police for which she has all the rights. Maybe Olivia and Sloane are okay with taking each other's stuff without permission, but still, Zoey is not the sister they grew up with and their parents should have taught them not to take from others without that magic word: consent. And Zoey bought that makeup set from her own saved money, so why shouldn't she own that? The only person sticking up for her is her father. Not even her own mother. I feel another divorce is coming up. If you're not even on the same page about respecting boundaries, then you really have a problem.
First-when I first read it, I missed that the cousins were 18! I thought maybe they were younger!! Is there a plan for the BIL and his adult daughters to get back on their own? There needs to be a goal for this arrangement to end. Rather than being grateful for a place to live, he tells them how to treat their kid!! The lock on daughter's door is none of his business. Seems like one or all of the these adult freeloaders should spend their time working hard to get back on their feet and less time judging how he raises his daughter. This is going to implode their family if this continues. Wife seems more concerned about keeping family peace than about her daughter's well being!
Young children can be taught you ask first if you want to borrow something though. It is the lack of effort put into teaching these people that someone else's belongings aren't a free for all. The mother is picking the wrong side and her daughter won't forget that.
Load More Replies...If OP needs to regard the cousins as daughters, shouldn't he start with disciplining them? House arrest for using other ppls stuff without consent. Because stealing is very bad. To be fair, dad could install locks on everyone's door and demand everyone keeps their own room in order (weekly checks) and make a household chore roster for everyone. Because, if you live there as "family" you chip in with work and finances. Do they pay rent? For food? Electricity and gas? Because at 18, the cousins are adult and should help paying bills, just like b-i-l.
Sorry, but the first person to touch my things without my permission will only do this once and never again. That I can assure you. You go dad for sticking up for your daughter when noone else does.
"That's just what girls do." As an older sister, let me tell you something. I used to try to "borrow" things from my sister who is three years younger than me. She thumped my skull for my troubles! My parents told me that's what happens when you steal from your sister.
The poor girl is dealing with two THIEVES! They are 18 tell the two b#$%he's to get a job and buy their own crap. The 2 of them and their crap father need to be kicked to the curb!!
No one should be forced to share and no one has any right to use something of someone else's without asking. Since the 18 yr olds aren't responsible and honest enough to give the 16 yr old her privacy, she had every right to have a lock on her door. BIL, twins, and wife are completely out of line. I'd be extremely upset if one of my parents didn't respect, defend, and protect my right to privacy.
Wow I never thought that taking someone without asking them is called borrowing
Don't get why people always fail to see the most simple solution for a problem. In this case that would be kicking out the brother in law, his crotch gremlins and if need be the wife too.
You are definitely not the asshole. Thanks for taking up for your daughter. Your wife could use a few pointers from you on parenting and boundaries.
Never feel bad about trying to protect your child.This might be the exact reason why his parents didn't want him and his kids in their home.As for your wife she's being inconsiderate judging from the fact that she's not supporting her child but rather siding with those ingrates who are making her child uncomfortable in her own home. You should also avoid talking to them because they don't deserve your attention. And keep protecting your child no matter who gets angry in the process.
The rest of the family don't want them, the mother/wife even kicked them out. Obviously the BIL and twins are more trouble than they're worth, I would not only kick them out but also your wife for not even supposed own daughter and husband
I agree with letting the girls have access to mums expensive perfumes and stuff then see. Besides which what does it matter she has expensive make up. She's at an insecure stage in her life as is without some ass hat saying she's defected never mind she paid with her own money so she has every right to be angry
The whole concept of borrowing is that it is done by first asking permission, and second, by obtaining the owner's consent. That's not what is happening here. Sounds like the brother is a good for nothing and that he and the wife are enabling the two young women (who should either be in school or have jobs or both) to behave inappropriately. Sounds like the wife is cut from the same cloth as the brother, which is an issue when she is not protecting her daughter. Hope dad can stand his ground, and keep protecting the daughter, and it's time for the three freeloaders to move out.
there is also a third aspect to borrowing: return it in the same shape/state as when you borrowed it or even better. returning a ruined make up does not fulfill any of the 3
Load More Replies...I think the cousins are acting out because they're not living with their mom. They're purposely creating problems for poor zoey and her family because their family is broken so they want to break other family's too. They're jealous of her MAC makeup and her family and parents still being together. Clearly, the twins have a lot of emotional baggage to work out.
BIL and his daughters know they are the assholes here - why else would they get so triggered by a lock? If everything is great and peachy, then OP's daughter wouldn't use the lock but clearly, everyone knows thats not whats going to happen.
Look, I grew up with sisters. You share stuff and borrow stuff and sometimes you take it without asking. But that's after living together for years and knowing what you can and can't do. You know if the other person values something, so you're carefully with it. I would've never taken my cousins stuff because I don't live with them, don't know them as well. In any case you take care of it and give it back in pristine condition
those people need to be treated the way they treat others, take their stuff without leting them known, invaide their privacy and personal ithems, go into their room when there arent home, move stuff and leave. They will get the message... anyway, i always found it funny, when people are married, the wife/husband always say "their" family but always exlude their partner on behalf of entitled pricks-siblings... Yours primary family unit is you, your wife and your kids. not your mil, bil, fin, sil... sure, they are family, but your primary inner circle.
Can we make a separate "Am I TA?" category here on bored panda? These are one sided stories, sometimes there is an updated but it's more like tabloid material, usually bashing and lynching one person of the story.
Yeah that's a good idea! I would love a separate section for AITA. Also good point. These are mostly NTA because the OPs probably leave out important details in their favor 99%of the time.
Load More Replies...I just want to say, kudos to dad. Look out for your household and kid(s). Sooooo maybe I'm wrong but, why were the girls kicked out of mom's house? .maybe that answers the question to why the girls act like they do.
Why would BIL's teen daughter not be "defective " for taking and using adult makeup. And why doesn't he buy her some $15 Walmart makeup so she won't ruin her cousin's.
There's a big difference between "borrowing" and downright theft. I had a similar problem with my oldest stepdaughter. She was used to being her Dad's "right arm" and having him confide his personal problems with her (DO NOT subject your children to this!) Needless to say, when they moved into my house, she didn't really have a role anymore. Of course, they all had chores, etc., but I was the woman in charge, not her. I did the grocery shopping & meal planning, I cooked (because I love to) and do the majority of cleaning and I AM THE ONE who takes care of my husband. I would have felt bad for her if she hadn't been such a manipulating, lying little witch (she was 18, btw). She was getting ready to go out and came upstairs wearing my brand new sweatshirt (American Eagle, maybe?). I asked her where she got it and she told me it was in the laundry room. "Is it yours?" I asked, and she says, "Well, no." "No, it's not. Go take it off right now and next time you cont'd ...
ASK PERMISSION before you take something that doesn't belong to you. The main problem? None of my stepchildren (4) were ever made to follow any rules & basically did whatever the hell they wanted without ever having to take responsibility or face consequences. Moving in with me was a major eye-opening experience for all of them. I was a monster! They had to do chores! They had curfews! They were expected to do homework! They had to respect the other family members & their property! 14 year olds WERE NOT allowed to drink beer! Yeah, I probably should have had my head examined. Needless to say, he & I divorced almost 20 years ago. Vowed never to date anyone again who had kids still living at home. New husband's kids were all grown & on their own when we met 14 years ago, but he still parents the same way I do.
Load More Replies...Don't back down. Thank you for taking your daughter's privacy seriously enough to do this for her. A verbal request for her cousins to leave her stuff along should have been sufficient. Seeing as how they had no respect for her personal area/belongings, I would have done the same thing. Your wife needs to get her head out of her a$$.
Those girls were not borrowing, they were stealing! You ask if you want to borrow. If it is not yours you do not touch. What sort of riff-raff have you let into your home? That wife of yours is not a good example of a parent. You stick to your guns!
Sometimes when bullies are called out, they say they are just having fun. But it's only really fun if everyone is having fun. Since Zoey is not on board with sharing her stuff, it is stealing. The lock should stay.
They're awfully upset about not being able to go in to a 16 y/o girl's room. If they didn't do anything wrong, why are the so bothered about being called out? There is a bright red alarm light flashing regarding other relatives not letting them stay with them. Wife needs to rethink her loyalties, good thing Zoey has 1 parent looking out for her. NTA!!
I would have placed a claymore mine on the door, if it wasn't for the hypervelocity ball bearings destroying the house when it goes off. WTF is wrong with people?
The father should kick the wife, BIL and evil twins out of the house and get rid of them while it's time!
I'd expect behavior these 18 year Olds are displaying from a 3 year old, enough said.
the BIL'S daughters are not teenagers. they are legally adults. charge them all rent. anyone who makes one of my daughters cry gets put through the f*****g wall.
A 16 year old should be able to lock her(or his) door regardless. And you are allowed to have nice things and not expect them to be stolen, doesn't matter what it is. Finally, at 16 you are old enough to be able to experiment with your apperence. It's about finding yourself, not appear older etc. Keep the lock.
What's wrong with the older girls that they don't have jobs and buy their own stuff? They're mooching off a 16 year old girl who works hard to save up for her own stuff. The mother doesn't sound like she cares about her daughter's feelings and lacks empathy. Is she a narcissist? Dad sounds like a kind and caring person who listens and doesn't judge, and someone who acts to protect those he cares about. How all good parents should be.
The girls are 18 kick their asses out. If you don't stick up for your own kid then you are a ass hat. If he doesn't like it tell him where the door is and don't let it hit him in the ass on the way out. Good for you sticking up for your daughter.
I have two sisters and yes, we took each others’ stuff. But there was a balance between us so it worked. There is no balance here. To me, this seems like a power grab where the relatives move in and take over, putting you and your child in a subordinate place. I recommend having a very clear conversation with Sammy about his and his daughter’s’ behaviour while accepting your charity. You should also remind your wife that if she does not like it, she is free to provide them with charity all on her own.
First of all: 1) It is NEVER POLITE to enter a room that is not yours without asking. Knock before you enter, permission not granted, you should not enter. 2) It is NEVER POLITE to take things or borrow things without asking that is as good as stealing even as a family member. If no permission is given, you should not take anything that does not belongs to you. Moreover the daughter paid for those stuffs. Seems to be that this family is just trying to give EXCUSES to force them out anyways so might as well just spilt up, there is no love in their hearts nor is there a hint of courtesy. It could be the parents behind it all and influenced the children and the wife, we never know. Sounds pretty passive aggressive if you ask me.
What the fork? I was a teenage girl and I didn't share anything with my sister (!!!) unless she asked. Mind you: my sister! Those are strangers in the house and they are thieves. Why is it so hard to call it the right name? Teenagers have enough problems with growing up, hormones and social media. Entitled and spoiled family members are the rotten cherry on top. Great father for standing up to parasites.
That sounds like a great dad. No matter what age you deserve privacy and especially if someone is coming in your room and just taking things
I had a cousin and her mother who acted like this, and nobody ever stuck up for me. Ever. And when I complained loudly enough, they turned on me just like this and made out I was a terrible person for objecting. Mother not respecting my privacy was bad enough, but allowing the relatives to do it was just awful. I am an old lady now, but it still hurts.
I realise they are cousins. But it's my parents attitude which is similar to the mum and brother in law. As to why I'm no contact with my sister. And if I have to host her. Everything she has no right to access gets locked away. I mean she even stole and lost things I borrowed from friends so I would have to pay to replace it. Good on the dad having his daughters back.
Eu achei certa a atitude do pai, afinal sua filha deixou claro que estava se sentindo desconfortável dentro da própria casa. Os hóspedes são abusivos e isso explica claramente o motivo dos avós não aceitarem eles em sua casa.
Does the BIL have a job? Does the 18th year old twins have a job? Sounds like they don't. So, far to me according to the situation from divorce, to being put out to the privacy of Zoey, it sounds like those 3 can't even act their own age. If the twins are 18th then they can get a job. If they have 1 they can buy their own stuffs, clothes as well. If the bil is divorce for a reason then why did his wife put out her twins along with him? Have to be for a reason which explains their behavior towards their cousin. So far Zoey has done and thought nothing wrong but acting maturely for her age. Your wife, nieces and bil ain't acting theirs. Keep on protecting your daughter sir. That's something most girls wish from their fathers. Also, teach her how to protect herself as well. I know someone will say something about this last thought of but if you can sir, put 1 of those locks that can lock from the inside as well, those sliding ones and a good one too. I hope you see this comment sir.
If they're not thieves why did they even notice the lock in the first place? This is NOT teenage behaviour. It is selfish and bad behaviour and would not have been tolerated among siblings, in my family, much less visiting cousins.
Me and my brother share stuff, like we know we can go in each other's room even if empty and borrow a phone charger/a pen/spare coins even... If we had the same size and style we'd do the same with clothes I'm sure. But that's because we've reached a level of trust that allows us to do so, and we'd still get very angry if we lost or broke the other person's stuff. I repeat: we are brother and sister, we've lived together our whole life, we respect each other and have an excellent bond and level of trust. Three cousins who are not close and were suddenly forced by events/other people to live together... Not the same. Also, your wife asked you to treat them as daughters: well, that's exactly what you did! She didn't, she is just being the cool aunt that always takes the guests' side. Unfair. Your daughter should be very grateful to you. Also I agree with the peeaon who commented to suggest the girls to "borrow" their aunt's things... That'll teach her
is not as if her things are everyones things, they are hers, it doesnt mean she cant borrow them but that people have to ask her before borrowing them, I dont think the cousins are mean, horrible people but they really need to have a serious talk about respect, but with their dad being so insensitive and disrespectful it will be hard for this to happen
It's clear to me that the wife is the problem. She cannot defend her daughter and husband.
This is speaking from an anthropological POV and has nothing to do with PC. In more ancient times, or rural places current day, couples can only marry when both are of similar social standing. A lot of people see this as an archaic and utterly unreasonable practice, myself included. But there is merit in such a practice and this is one example why. Privacy, believe it or not, is a privilege. When you're living with 7 siblings and share even your underwear, such a concept is unheard of unless your family is always healthy on the cashflow front.
Nearly every single one of the AITA posts that show up here on BP are fictional. It is extremely well known that there are a few posters who use throwaway accounts to post garbage like this, wholly fabricated, to gain a ton of karma quickly. A couple of the authors have even done AMA's about how much fun they have with their little game. It's just....so dumb.
I didn't read all of this but enough to know what's going on. Leave the lock on the door even after they're gone. I don't like to share my stuff or loan anything out. It never comes back the same. That is a lesson I learned early on. We are all different, so to each his own. But, I'm with you sir and I applaud your actions and thank you!
I need someone to clear something up for me. Is borrowing clothes and such normal for teenage girls? I have 2 sisters that are 2 and 4 years younger than me, and none of us have the same style or taste in colors, or even the same size, so we can't share.
First I was like 'Why would the mother kick her daughters out of the house too?!'. But honestly after I read the whole story I'm starting to understand why 😅 For me, a hardcore-introvert, it would be the absolute horror if I suddenly had to live in a house with uncles und cousins and them walking in my room whenever they want to, also just taking my stuff without my permission. Imo she's lucky to have a father who understands that boundaries and privacy are very important things that everyone should respect. I just hope her mother starts to understand that too.
Kick the BIL and his kids out. If they can't respect OP and his daughter (defect? seriously?) they've outstayed their welcome. And kick the wife out too until she learns to be a good parent.
The sisters can borrow from each other. But to go into their cousin's room without her knowledge - unless she gave blanket permission - is not done. NTA. Keep your daughter safe, she is doing well. Those other girls aren't being careful with others' belongings, with or without permission.
Dude. Same thing happened to me. Except it was my step sister who's 3 years younger. I fell on hard times n had to move in w/ mom n stepdad. My step sister didn't live w/ us. She lived in a mansion w/ her mom n step dad. Spoiled AF! only child syndrome. I'd go to work n come home to her n her friends wearing my clothes, taking my s**t. Smoking my weed. Stealing packs of cigarettes etc. i told her to ask next time . Which I have no problem sharing! JUST FUCKEN ASK FIRST! She didn't. She then started stealing s**t. Taking my clothes out of the house n not saying a word. I'd see her on Instagram in my fucken clothes. I also collect vintage band Ts ... ones that I rarely if ever wear... she was wearing a fucken vintage Pink Floyd shirt from their brain damage tour in 1970, my dad (now deceased) gave it to me! I have never even worn it! She cut the sleeves off n cropped it "to make it cuter".... don't back down! NTA! Ppl will take n take as long as they can. Don't let them!
Why are Bored Panda putting up "new" posts, that I clearly remember reading early last year!!! Surely there's new things out there
OK,I might be the bad person here but I can see the wife's family's point. It's just stuff. It doesn't matter. They had essentially lost their home, they needed to feel normal. 18 year olds would probably be going thru alot of emotions, anger, resentment frustration, shame, sadness. They are kids. Things can be replaced. People can't.
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