23 Y.O. Son Tells His Parents He’ll Never Speak To Them Again After Finding Out They’re Paying For Sister’s Education Yet Didn’t Pay For His
Receiving proper education is one of the major achievements in a person’s life. For a lot of young people, especially those who are academically gifted, it is very important to be able to get into a college or university that can provide them with high-quality education, challenge them, and offer plenty of opportunities. Very often one of the upcoming challenges in this path is finding enough funds to cover university tuition and other expenses. Sometimes parents are the ones that offer to lend a helping hand as they are very concerned about their kids getting a proper education. One Reddit user decided to share his painful experience by revealing that not all parents are willing to provide their kids with the necessary means to start their academic journey.
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Getting into your dream school or university is one of the greatest achievements
Image credits: University of Essex (not the actual photo)
The narrator started his story by stating that his parents always emphasized the importance of hard work and getting good grades. Often times they would mention someone who was studying at an Ivy League school, and how he should take these people as a good example. The man did his best in school and was accepted to one of the top universities that are on the Ivy League list. The user who is now a 23-year-old man remembered the day he got accepted and how emotional he was knowing that he made it to the top. Having in mind how important education is for his parents, the man was sure that they would be very happy with the news.
One Reddit user decided to share how his family made him to decline his offer received from one of the Ivy League schools because they couldn’t afford it
Image credits: parents_lied__
What happened next shocked the man as his parents told him that he would have to decline his invitation as they had no means to pay for his tuition. The user remembers that his parents even showed him their budget so that he could see for himself that they would not be able to afford his school expenses. The man shared that this happened back in 2016 when he was a 17-year-old who, even at that young age, realized that they really couldn’t cover his tuition.
Image credits: parents_lied__
This situation led him to go to a state university where he received his bachelor’s and master’s degree in computer science, after which he ended up getting a job at one of the FAANG companies. It’s fair to say that the narrator’s hard work paid off even without him getting into a prestigious university. But what enraged him was the situation he found himself in recently.
After finding out that his parents couldn’t pay for the university, he had to apply to one of the state schools as it was cheaper
Image credits: parents_lied__
Through the years, the man successfully finished his studies and landed a job at one of the FAANG companies
Image credits: parents_lied__
The man has a 17-year-old sister who called him one day with good news. She was also accepted into one of the Ivy League schools. The brother congratulated the sister but asked her if their parents also made her decline the acceptance as it happened to him. The young woman shared that the dad told her not to worry about it as they would pay for her education. The brother was devastated to hear this after being told that they couldn’t afford to pay for his school.
Recently, the man found out that his sister was also accepted to one of the Ivy League schools
Image credits: parents_lied__
The man was in shock after finding out that parents decided to pay for her education after they made him decline the offer
Image credits: parents_lied__
It might seem that now the parents are in a better position financially to be able to provide their daughter with the possibility to go to her dream school. But the man soon understood that back in 2016, his dad already worked for one of the FAANG companies and also had the financials to allow him to go to the university of his choice. This made him really upset, especially when he confronted his parents about this. This all ended in an argument and the narrator’s threat to never speak with them again.
Image credits: parents_lied__
This situation resulted in an argument after which the narrator threatened not to speak with his parents ever again
Image credits: parents_lied__
A lot of people online tried to come up with a possible explanation for why his parents decided to help his sister but not him. Some needed more information about the situation as they couldn’t understand why some other options of getting into the university weren’t thought of. Others online suggested that the man should’ve known about their financial situation because they had to provide this information when he was applying for a federal loan to attend a state university. The narrator replied by saying that at that time, he didn’t think about it too much and that his parents took care of that part of the documentation.
What is your opinion on this situation? Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments down below!
People online became very involved in the story as they were trying to understand the reason why the parents did this to their son
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The real AH here is the American education system and the fact that you need to pay that much for an education in the first place.
Yea. Education should be free. We have No problems with it being free in Denmark... and we get paid to attend...
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Yep been there done that. Except I’m now doing my masters in public health and sibling flunked out of 3 degrees because entitled sibling never had to pay anything
same thing with my husband, they even tried to kick him out while we was in school and working to pay for it. His younger brother, 3 years university fully paid by parents, never finished, kept failing. works in the trades now, my husband works at that university.
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I learned from a young age that just because you share genetics with someone doesn't mean they're your family.
There are certain things that America does right, however when it comes to education and healthcare that's a completely different story...
You do realize that your education system, particularly university has been sold to young people as their golden opportunity to score big jobs and money. Universities have oversold their programs and in doing so increased the costs. Most university degrees are worthless but since Kindergarten, students and parents have been lied to this about universities. The result is that kids enroll in programs that produce worthless degrees but at a huge cost. By the government granting the student loans, more and more money pours into the university and they create more and more useless programs and positions (DIE anyone) Not turn to your health care - I live in Canada with our free medicine. Hardly - big taxes to pay for a mediocre system that is constantly under stress. In Canada NONE of the provinces have more ICU/per 100,00- residents than even the poorest state in the union, How is that? Wait times to get even minimal care for minor procedures completed can be up to 1 year .
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the parents are a-holes. there might have been a good reason for what they did, but they should have told him. communication is key.
In the UK student fees are capped by the government at 9,000 per year. Loans are available regardless of financial situation at government-capped interest rates. You don't start repayments unless you earn over a certain salary, and they also get written off entirely after 20 years. It's not a perfect system, but the reality is NOBODY would ever turn down a uni offer at our elite universities due to money concerns. A degree at Cambridge 'costs' you exactly the same as one at a low-ranking local school.
Welcome to the world of parents. My father promised us all a college education. Noped out of that one pretty fast. Showered my sister (who looked remarkably like his sister) with everything she wanted and some. It did not serve either of them well. Being forced to rely on myself early in life and learning that nothing in life is fair was the best thing my parents ever gave me
My parents did that too. It wasn't Ivy League, just a good private school. They waited til two weeks before school to tell me I couldn't go and i had to go to a crappy community school in town. I'd already registered, gotten a roommate, signed up for classes at the good school. I'm still bitter.
Now, that sucks. I hope they eventually have apologized for that business, especially with having to cancel plans. But, I cannot disparage the community college experience as it's valuable wherever you take it.
Load More Replies... I was the oldest child, and a straight-A student. My parents took for granted I'd get full academic scholarships... so much so that they never even researched college costs. Turns out, there aren't a lot of scholarships awarded just for getting good grades. I dropped out after 2 years because of the cost. A few years later my younger brother went to college, and my parents had a college fund set up for him. Maybe they had learned from my experience, or maybe they just knew he wasn't as good a student and didn't assume he'd get scholarships. I was furious at the time, but I ended up getting into an apprenticeship program for a skilled trade that pays a good living, and 30 years later it hardly matters. It sounds like the OP did fine for himself in his chosen field, but he's hung up on the unfairness of what he sees as favoritism. That bitterness is rarely productive. It's so much better to just get on with your life and focus on being successful with the resources you do have.
My grandparents did something similar with my father and his sisters (my aunts). They rejected him, denied any affection or support ever since he was a child, and refused to pay a dime for his education. So he had to take some handicraft courses and become a locksmith. He also had to get a job (at 15) and contribute to family's needs. Meanwhile, his sisters went to the university and received money for vacations, clothes and books. This left my father angry and bitter for the rest of his life. It's been over 20 years since my grandparents died, but my father never forgave them and it seems he is still stranded in that trauma...
Not to judge anyone here..but clearly OP is NTA. When it's a life choice, it falls on parents to come clear on why they can't afford it. They need to sort it out because given what happened it could be favouritism, or debt. Whatever the case, you have the right to know the reason for a closure even if it means 'we don't give an F about you' that he has to hear from them. It eases to make peace with oneself on the lost opportunity.
I've been in a situation like this; however, I am the only child. I had gotten accepted into college, despite the soul-deprecating s**t I had been through prior. My mother was supposed to give me the child support that remained for me to take care of myself for the first few semesters, but she essentially told me to go f**k myself. I told my father, he essentially stated the same. It all came as a surprise especially after the f**k-tards told me to pursue a career as a doctor or a lawyer, both of which require extensive education. I went to college, but I had to change plans because I had two parents that deserved a boot up their asses for barely doing the bare necessity. My father is dead, and, even from the grave, he managed to continue damaging our relationship. My mother and I have an estranged relationship more so now because she continued to be an asshat. So, I understand how frustrating it is to deal with parents that are crappy people to their offspring.
Feel your pain. You are not alone. Best revenge is to succeed and be happy in your own life. Sometimes not easy, I get that too.
Load More Replies... The poster isn't an Ahole, but without getting the full information from his parents, it's probably not as black and white as he thinks. For all he knows there may have been debts etc back in 2016 which meant they didn't have the money then, that are now paid off meaning they can afford to support the sister more. Also, a lot of the time when you get shares through an employer, part of the conditions are that you need to hold them for a minimum period before you can sell, usually years. If the dad only started working for companies like that in 2006, he possibly did not have many that he could sell in 2016 compared to now.
If that's the case then the parents shouldn't have a problem explaining that to their son. He was just looking for a reason.
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Wow. I mean, there's a clear favorite here and it's not OP. I'd be really ticked off too. And as a 43 yr old, I honestly don't think he's overreacting. They need to be honest with him and apologize and MAYBE they can patch their relationship back up. That's a heavy blow to a kid; to know your parents, who you've done everything right by, chose to pay for their other child instead of them. Don't show favoritism!!
All my life I was told my parents had a college fund for me. Spoiler alert, I paid for my own education and it took me over a decade to pay everything off and almost as soon as I did student loan forgiveness became a thing...
Oof I felt this one. I didn't have nearly the debt, but I had the same thing where my parents would tell me there was money for my college, when I was young and asked. Fast forward to me going to Community College, and they would give me angry looks for wanting to 'buy books for my classes'. Parents need to stop thinking lies are going to cover their shame - when they only magnify it.
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In Canada most people oh for their education as a rule, only super rich/ privileged kids get their tuition accounted for, then again, our "state" schools are literally the best because they're the only ones, the private schools have much less funding and a lot less popular
I WAS IN THE SAME SITUATION. MY MOM HAD ONE DAUGHTER AND 5 BOYS. SHE ALWAYS SPOILED THE DAUGHTER. WELL WHEN I WENT OFF TO COLLEGE I HAD TO TAKE OUT STUDENT LOANS AND AM NOW IN GREAT DEBT. MY MOM PAID FOR MY SISTERS EDUCATION AND ALSO PROVIDED HER WITH HORSES AS SHE WAS AN EQUESTRIAN. I HAD TO PURCHASE MY OWN CAR, WHICH THEY TOOK OUT A LOAN ON BUT DID NOT HAVE E CO SIGN THE LOAN, THUS GETTING SCREWED OUT OF BUILING MY CREDIT AT 17.. I PAID THE LOAN OFF IN SIX MONTHS. I WAS MADE TO WORK SINCE 11, MY SISTER NEVER HAD A JOB UNTIL SHE GRADUATED COLLEGE. SHE NOW HAS A WONDERFUL LIFE, HORSES AND LUXURY LIFE. I FORGAVE MY MOM, BUT SHE NEVER FORGAVE ME. I LOOK JUST LIKE MY DAD, SHE HATES THE SIGHT OF ME.
Turn off your caps man. You're not the only one with shitty parents.
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I went through the EXACT same situation. My parents bought my brother a new car, I'm now 38 and they have never made a large purchase such as a car for me. My parents paid for his wedding. I paid for my own. They paid for his college, I paid for my own. They STILL pay his phone bill (he's 35yrs old) and other various things but those are the big things. I never understood why they wouldn't do the same for me. My dad is a surgeon. Money isn't the issue. He's just always been the "golden child" idk but it hurts me. Still to this day.
No money for college, no offer of a car. I never expected it from them but my brother got a used car and when my younger sister turned 16 (I was out of the house already) she got a freshly minted car right off of the lot. They paid for her college as well. It depresses me to think about, but they’ve all since passed on except for my sis, and it wasn’t her fault so I have to put it behind me. I DID set up life on the opposite coast though, and only went back to visit for funerals, so it had its effect.
The parents should of never paid for one sibling and not the other to keep the peace. Even if they didn't want it to look like favoritism when they did it, it does. How do you choose between your children like that and not think there won't be any repercussions from your decision. I would of had the daughter take the same path as her brother did or she would of had to figure out how to pay for her own tuition at the ivy league school.
Some people here are really dumb, questioning why, as a 17 year old, he actually trusted his parents to ethically help with the financial paperwork and didn't realize they filled out some areas for him so he wouldn't realize they had more resources than they led him to believe. 17 year olds SHOULD be able to trust their parents. It isn't his fault they groomed him to trust them over his entire childhood.
My parents screwed me over inn the same fashion but ten years later paid my sisters who are twins tuitions. Neither graduated. Both found husbands...one who cheated on her while pregnant with a co worker and the other committed financial crimes while originating mortgages for Hispanic families. Nice. Good investment. Me? Put myself through nursing school after marrying a nice guy who had a small business and good work ethic. When my kids went into kindergarten I went into the nursing program at 32. Paid off my student loans 3 years ago. I was a 4.0 GPA so a lot was paid by grant and scholarship. They had the audacity to show up for my graduation!! Like they had ANYTHING to do with my educational struggles. The nerve. I had a therapist tell me to go " quid pro quo" with the family members I have. Lol. Give what you get in like fashion. Haven't spoken to any of them in almost 20 years and my son has not and will never meet any of them. Best gift I ever gave myself.
They would be dead to me. They 100% did a bait and switch. And treated you as less than compared to your sister. Even though you have an awesome career with the education you received it still matters that you didn't get to attend the Ivy League school you worked so hard for. You can't just act like that didn't happen. Your parents let you down big time. I'm sorry.
“Friend” came from a very traditional cultural background - one that had a tendency to favour the males over the females. In an attempt to reject that way of thinking Friend’s parents ended up favouring their daughter considerably - paid for her University degrees, her accomodation for 5 years while she studied medicine and supported her for another 2 years while she established her career. Friend had to do it all himself - he still lived with his parents but had to work around his studies to every have any money for anything else (sister never worked a day in her life until she finished her degree), while sister was given money for all her expenses plus extra for travelling. Friend’s parents genuinely never realised how inequitable things were - it was bizarre. I’m wondering if OP’s parents were trying to do the same thing? Make up for centuries of patriachy and mysogyngy by showering their daughter with favouritism?
(End of friend’s story was that sister came out as gay and the very traditionally minded parents just about disowned her…)
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If you are going to pay for one child's education, you should also pay for the others. He got into an Ivy league school which would of opened alot of doors, which now the sister will have instead. I wouldn't talk to my parents either if they did something that cruel.
Wow. I think the GF is off base when she says don't complain bc you're making good money. That has absolutely nothing to do with this issue of trust. To me, the parents definitely betrayed you. Now, how to forgive them for the Betrayal is the question. It makes me wonder what else your parents lie about? I don't think it matters why they lied. The bait and switch wasn't just deceptive, it was cruel. My kid went to & excelled at an Ivy League school, and there is no way to measure how much that meant to her. I keep reading that Being happy is all about being able to forgive all the AH people who have stabbed you in the back, treated you like dirt and smashed your dreams, which is what your parents did to you. So, I hope you're better at forgiveness than me, because bitterness is not a good thing. Just lower your expectations if possible because there's probably more that they're hiding. 1 that said, if you feel like cutting them off, I think it's absolutely Justified. Just be happy and okay with it.
Screw your parents. I cut mine out of my life for a similar reason and although they tried for years to guilt me I to contact...they died alone and I didn't even attend the funeral.
Well, a lot of people really do like their meony more than their children. It sucks, but at least there is no obligation for the OP to take care of them or help them when they grow old. In this case, I' guessind the sister was seen as the better investment. She owes them now, she'll nusre them when they are elderly.
At first, I was thinking the parents were concerned about him graduating with tons of student loan debt. Not sure what to think, or any the dad didn't cash in the stock you at least help pay for the tuition. The fact that the parents can't/won't explain suggests the reason may be less than loving and supportive, if not outright reprehensible. Perhaps Dad should cash in some stock and pay down, or pay off, OP's student loans. Parents should also hope that Sister is willing and able to.care for them in their old age. If not, they may find that payback's a b****.
Hi all ..son..you have worked hard and achieved the grsdes every parent wishes for thier children. Its unforgivable what they did with you .either there is strong reason which they dont want you to know or they simply sidelined you and favoured your sister. Yes very very painful situstions you went through you deserve an explanatiion from them .its absolutly fine you are not takling they too deserve the sufferrings you went through. The best uni does give you a head on in getting well paid jobs. Am a mother of 2 children currently getting in university sadly my husbnd lost job but we put all that we have and are paying for both same amount though my daughter is good in studies but not my son...still whatever is thier goal we will give them full monetary support nomatter how much we have to suffer. God bless you in your every step of life.
The parents were completely wrong and showing favoritism toward 1 child over the other. And the fact that they showed him the financial situation but told the daughter don't worry about money but the son their finances are none of his business and wonder why the son will no longer associate with them. Honestly if I were him I would not have anything to do with the parents or even the sister. Toxic is Toxic and I don't really care if they were his parents....nope....let that Toxic family go. Find a good job away from them in another state, block 🚫 all social media, get a new phone number and never look back. Those parents were completely wrong and cruel!!
My dad did the SAME thing. He didn't pay one cent of my college tuition. I'll be paying student loans off until I die, AND I always made dean's list. My baby sister got college paid for, an apartment, car, etc. I hope she takes great care of him when he's old, because I sure won't!!!
Ya a lot of these parents don't see it as an investment...when it's truly an investment - one that will determine whether or not they are cared for when they are dying. :)
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In this case, im OP. I am currently 18 y/o younger out of two other siblings. Last two siblings before me went to their respectively chosen colleagues, all expenses paid by my parents. Then, when it came to me... Well, I didn't even get to finish high school. I was a straight A+ student, until I had to start working around 14-ish, tried to keep up with school as best I could before I eventually got sick off the pressure and had to drop out. It was very clear I was depressed, and it was swiftly put under the rug. I only went to a professional after I developed insomnia and wasn't useful anymore, then as soon as I got better enough to work again, we dropped my therapist and I've never gone in years. I would pay it myself, but all my income goes straight to the house basic needs such as food and billing. I should make it clear, through all of this one of my siblings is still studying with all expenses paid by my parents and no working pressure.
...this is something that only time can heal...i feel the gentleman's circumstance...i was once in his shoes and over time i realize that healing is important for me to be able to pursue going on with life...i am now writing my grad sch thesis enjoying every step of the way...
Sounds familiar, same thing happened to my S.O. Hilarious since she got a degree in something useless, parents lost what they had for her to not have a job either while going to college and paying for her apartment and now she has a basic cubicle farm job.
It makes sense that when the younger kids reach adulthood, parents are usually financially better-off (finished paying off the mortgage, career/salary progression, inheritance from grandparents...). But you need to be transparent about it and try to make it up later on in your kids' life as much as you can.
Except he explained that his father was getting stock options and selling them paid for his sister's education. So his education could have been paid for the same way.
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My parents thought my older brother would take care of them in their old age - so they paid for his education. I joined the Army & used the GI Bill to pay for my own. Brother died in a car wreck 5 years after he graduated. That was 30 years ago. Guess who Mom & Dad are looking to now?
I left home as a minor and put myself through college. My parents never supported me in anything that I did, financially or otherwise. I'm fine. I raise my child in the USA (regrets) and made sure she got every single award, grant, financial aid, etc. available. She graduated with zero debt. She thanks me now, seeing her friends who, with obscene interest rates, will be paying off college debts into their 40s.
NTA. HOWEVER, your parents are two of the BIGGEST a**holes that I've heard of (in the paying for school thing, at least). But you know what? You certainly have the right to be furious over their lies, because I think this is where it hurts the most. They *lied* to you; which is worse than just not wanting to make money available for your education. You certainly have the right to choose not to not speak to them. If my parents did that to me (they didn't lift a finger to assist the two out of their five children who did go to University) I would have completely shut them out of my life. Ask your parents flat~out why they decided on their courses of action. If they blow you off, know that's the game they will play for the rest of their lives. Make sure your're good with your decision before you act and make it a clean break. NOTE: They will try to guilt trip/bribe/threaten along the way. Be sure to remind them that it's their actions caused this.
I totally believe this. My mom helped me in school, which im grateful for, but made it sound like i was ripping food from her mouth. Much later i discovered that was not the case
My guess, sounds like your parents are eager & willing to pay for your sister to attend an IVY type of school so that she may meet a IVY person to marry....but for you being their son they weren't as concerned about marriage options..sounds like your parents may have a very "old school" mindset about the reasons males/females attend college...(some old time thinkers feel a female only goes to college to "catch" a spouse, and they want your sister to "catch" an IVY leaguer.... Unfortunately, so sad
I don’t blame you for a second. When you handed them your laptop to insert their income etc they probably falsified it to make it seem they couldn’t afford it yet there’s no problem sending your sister. That is just wrong on so many levels. They hurt you badly,, not just because of the finances,,, they kept the lie up until your sister dropped them in it. I would continue to ignore their calls as they’re probably only calling to excuse themselves. Good luck in your future. You don’t owe them a damn thing.
Sounds familiar also. "Pass or fail, we can't..." I had zero clue about any financial aid And tried to pay ony own and had to drop out. Meanwhile, my parents fully paid for my sister's education and she doesn't work. I am now almost 52 and am finally getting that degree I should have gotten 30 years ago.
I feel for you! As a parent myself I try my hardest to be fair all around with my kids. So if one can't go be it to anything vacation, school, etc the other can't go either. I'm just a fair parent all around, no favoritism used here at all. Which is how all parents should be. But sad 2 say some parents play favorites a lot, it has its repercussions. I don't blame you for not wanting to speak to them any more.
You are doing right. They are toxic people and you need to cut them off from your life permanently and go your own way. Just because they share "genes" does not make them "family".
Parents should love and treat their children equally the same. Doesn't matter what race we are. This is 2022 not the dark ages. Some Parents are cruel and too strict because they can't seem to break the dark cycle from their past. If your parents bring you down then yes it's best to stay away from that negativeness right now. Your heart needs time. Anyway congratulations on all your hard work! Be proud and live to be happy!
How do you get accepted to Ivy League and not qualify for numerous scholarships? I did not even get in to Ivy League and I still got a full ride scholarship. There is a lot missing from this story.
let your sister know whats up. end things between you and your folks. Also end things with the Gf. She doesn't get it
Considering they still made him take out student loans, and his sister is getting it 100% paid for, his girlfriend's argument is invalid. He could be making even more with an Ivy degree, and have zero in student loans, which will be his sister's situation.
I grew up in a family that catered to the boys and us girls were a burden and disregarded at best. My brothers got cars and dental visits(seriously). Girls were expected to find men to marry. I went to school and forgave my parents for ME. I have sisters that are still very messed up. I felt this post . I quit school in last year due to expense and need to work. The USA SUCKS.
Some will use this article to argue for free college education. The real issue is who will pay for the education. In Denmark, huge taxes on the middle class enables this eucational benefit. In one Scandinavian couintry, the marginal tax rate on $35,000 income is 75%. Imagine the uproar if the U.S. tried to impose that tax system. BTW, the typical marginal tax rate in the US is effectively zero for 35K after dedcutions and credits.
This is not accurate. You can just look up the tax rates in Denmark. It's 8% for almost everyone, and you pay has high as 22% once you start making over half a million per year, yet you also don't need to pay for private health care deductions. So they're actually better off than most Americans. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taxation_in_Denmark#Municipal_&_National_income_tax
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His current position and financial situation are irrelevant, what his girlfriends problem. She should be more supportive of her boyfriend rather then his parents. There reply to him was clear enough, telling him their finances were none if his business. Disown them, you are not the ah. Dump the gf to.
I lived this too! Its so damaging and hurtful especially when the favoritism is so obvious. They constantly used, and still do, use gaslighting tactics by saying "I'm too sensitive" or "its all in my head." They also accused me of creating the sibling rivalry (to which a therapist had to educate them). I'm the only girl and the oldest child so I treated my little brother as if he were my baby. He saw how I was treated and eventually he followed suit. I don't speak to brother at all and haven't for 15+yrs and have an incredibly strained relationship with my mother especially. I can accept it if she just admits it but she refuses. I'm sorry to all those that have experienced this traumatic abuse.
Sorry to the brother, but it's been 6 years. Their financial situation could have changed. Hopefully, that's the case
I got accepted to a state school, and my parents flat out refused to help on the paperwork for money and said I wouldn't make it anyway. It kinda broke me and I never went to collage. I did better grade wise than my brothers, who both are getting free rides paid by my parents. Pretty sure they just hate me because my superm donar abused my mom and I have his name/look like him.
His parents lied and broke trust. I understand why he is hurt and I would not trust them going forward. However, life is short and never speaking to them again is a bridge to far for me. The parents should apologize.
You are definitely Sout East Asian OP. You don't have to forgive them just because you're doing well. I didn't know having money to live comfortably makes a person stop feeling betrayal.
Been on both sides of this debate. My father paid for private schools, unis, + everything else for my 3 siblings. I was raised by my mother so he refused to give me a dime (didn't even pay child support). Had to go in the military & use my GI Bill, but also have CPTSD from service. When I went to college while raising 3 kids, it only cost me less than $20k for 4 years (graduated in 2000). Raised 3 kids, including my oldest (single parent until she was 14), promising to pay college for her if she got As, thinking I could handle $20k-40k total. She was accepted by several prestigious first-tier schools and the STARTING costs were $35,000/year. No way I could afford it bc I was off work due to a debilitating heart condition. She was VERY angry. Never forgave me--even when, once I recovered, I offered to help pay off her student loans. She refused--mostly bc I think she'd rather be bitter. So I helped pay my son's college. I REALLY tried. Might be more here than meets the eye.
Also...I blame the American collegiate system. How the hell does it cost me $20,000 to get a degree and, 10 years later, my daughter twice that A YEAR to get hers??? I hate the educational system in this country.
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Ok now that the disclosure of culture comes in these old school parents are clever as heck. In a bad way if you ask an immigrant's daughter. They want to send her to Ivy to get not her MS or PHD but her MRS she is in prime breeding age. Two Ivys for the price of one. Hopefully your parents will find that girls rebel away from home. Maybe become too independent and not want to marry at all. So much for grandchildren. Hope they enjoy not having to pay for the sons wedding as per tradition. They really are lucky money parents.
My parents wanted me to become a doctor so for fulfilling their wish I did everything, I not even once in my life thought what I want to do. I swear I was always a brilliant student and a position holder in my classes but somehow couldn't manage to get admission in MBBS in a single attempt in 2019 so just for my parents sake I took a Gap year and worked hard day and night but next year in 2020 it was already a miserable year yet I failed again! I lost my pride my confidence everything. I took admission in pharmacy but my parents weren't satisfied so they pressured me to try one more time and I left my university just for their wish! On third attempt I got accepted in all top Private universities for MBBS however I am not getting admitted in any private uni. Guess why because of High fee structures my parents couldn't afford giving 12-15 lacs pr year. I have other 2 siblings as well and I always knew that we won't be able to afford that much fees still I was wasting time and life just f
His parents sounds like azzholes showing extreme favoritism toward the sister. He had to take out the max amount allowed and take on a bunch of debt. It sounds like they had the money to pay when he was accepted. They just lied and screwed him over. I wouldn't blame him if he cut ties with mom and dad. I knight in his position. They suck
It's honestly fairly common for parents to help out the younger children more often than the oldest, whether it's due to them being better off financially once the older children are gone or they've just always favored the youngest subconsciously. They may never say, but know you're not alone in situations like this whether it was education or purchasing something big.
Ya know, this brings up a good point. I didn't think about the fact it could just be his age, but as someone who is also the 'oldest sibling', I totally feel it.
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NTA especially in regards to the girlfriend's opinion, just because theres people less fortunate than you does not mean that you can't be upset
100% this! I am so sick of people trying to be like "Just be happy you graduated..." I mean, that's like telling a guy who just lost his right HAND, "Just be happy you are alive..." - as if he shouldn't be mad he lost the f*****g hand!?
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They are right. Their money is their business. But there is no excuse for them to have lied. I agree with the son.
I feel bad for you but I have to say yousound very entitled and winey. Maybe you should think less about what a victim you are and more about how your hard work got you a successful life.
But...why? Because he has a successful life and worked hard, he's now not allowed to complain? Do you get to decide who is actually allowed to complain? You sound whiny, and entitled, to think you get to determine such things. Maybe you should spend less time whining on Bored Panda, and more time educating yourself.
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Ha. Maybe the bragging rights of the first kid getting accepted, but not actually going, wasn't enough.
With your grades good enough to get in an Ivy League School, you had to borrow money to go to a State School? Nobody offered a full ride academic scholarship? It's been a while since my college years, maybe they want you to be an athlete as well. It sounds like you should have gotten a scholarship, the system sucks. I don't understand how parents can show differences in their children. I just have one,a 7 yr old,but I could never do that. Is it a cultural thing with giving more to daughters? Just trying to make any sense of it at all. Sorry that happened to you but sounds like you are doing great in spite of it all. Maybe one day you and your family can work through everything, good luck to you.
What the *uck? I be pissed too. And feeling like the redheaded stepchild
--sure some maybe didn't care but no one in there right mind is gonna play or flunk out of a education that they know it's indebting there parents! Everyone had the same possibility of failing regardless if they worked to pay there education or as so many ppl on here say the entitled sibling failed cause they didn't know the cost of failing we aren't all the same academically we all learn differently it's harder for some than others. My feeling had always been that if you really want something you'll find a way with or without your parents help and if your really so brilliant which you have to be to get into some of the top schools then you'll put in the work and get there early on it that's what you really aspire it's called scholarships they are hard to get but they exist and I've seen first hand that if you work hard enough you can get them and that alone can take a load off of expenses on yourself and your parents. Just my opinion.
I wish I had the energy to tell you how exactly the same my life with siblings turned out. I've come to the conclusion they were all jealous of my relationship with our dear mother, that being the only single sibling (gay) meant no children and enjoyed the fruits of a single persons life and opportunities. Only two of us went to college, and finished. I was the only one who said no thank you to their offer to help. It also meant that I was the only sibling prepared to take care of her as her caregiver those last 10 years. I had retired 20 years before any of them. Yet the hypocrisy displayed was horrific. My entire life I never went more than 8 months without physically being with her. They would go years without seeing her, calling or mailing a simple card a couple times a year. Or sending a gift and then asking her to take a picture of her plus gift. Not making that up. Mom never really liked any of the choices they made so I always knew first hand what she thought of them. And I kept that to myself. When she passed away they either ignored me or asked me to help with the financial expenses they'd fabricated. The outright self-indulgence of entitlement was simply astounding. Friends... they are the family you choose and for that I am truly blessed to have shared with those great people the memories mom and I had along with the ones that included them. You can never allow family members to disappoint you.
Not saying they were right but I think the parents judged that op could make it even at a small college. He would have been better off at the ivy league, though.
The stock market has had a rate of return of 13% per year for the last 5 years. It is possible that what they couldn't afford in 2016, they can afford now.
What they want to do with their money is up to them. However, it was downright cruel not to have been upfront with you in the beginning about what they could and would pay for when you were applying to schools. I had a similar situation, where my parents paid over and over for my brother to go, and he never graduated. I paid for most of my BA and all of my graduate degrees myself. My consolation is I would much rather be me than him, so if this is what made me, me, I think I got the better deal!
I don't know. getting you parents to pay for school seems like good enough to me. I would have love that...It feels little entitle to demand that your parents pay that bill. is your future and you are an adult..
But they didn't pay for it, nor did he ask for them to 'pay that bill'. Go read it again.
Load More Replies... Saw earlier that it may be tied to culture? + Consider this: In our "equal" Country. where its only nice Ideal-if inconvience by those on top don't like-can b completely ignored w blind enthusiasm till their "done". As a Female-plz, do your research in Income 4 both sexes & compare, notice large gap 4 same position in pay every yr. since women CAN compete. B4 that here-woman property of man most places.Look up yrs after divorce, & how long it takes for man to financ. recover-then woman. Look up all diseases that strike both sexes-yet women are diagnosed much later-due to not being taken seriously, & how much higher the % is for women 2 contract/die. # any female illnesses to men's w sexual organs. Almost every way possible-(exceptions of course) as a whole-a Truthful person can see it's a Man's world!! When u have daughter may see. Yet reason you're hurt-Is feel equal. Ur blessed. Be thankful & generous 2 your sister, & be happy, u have self-pride-no help! Rather be her? 🙂
Greedy parents. Keep them at arms length. Be cool to you sister. It's not her fault.
My in-laws did the same to my husband. There were 4 boys in the family. The oldest brother went to the U of M for 8 yrs. The 2 youngest brothers went to the most expensive college St. Olaf. So they paid 8 yrs of expensive tuition. My husband went to a community college for a 2 yr electronics degree, which cost thousands of dollars less than his brothers. They didn't give him 1dime towards school! His older brother took 8 yrs to get a 4 yr degree. Many yrs later, my ex sister in-law had words with them about how they didn't treat the boys all the same. She really let them have it about the s$$ty discrepancy in money for college. Unbeknownst to us, of course. One day they came for an unscheduled visit. During the visit they gave my husband $1000 because they didn't pay for his schooling. A $1000? 1semester at St. Olaf was 5xs that amount! At any rate, it was a bit of fun watching how uncomfortable they were when they handed him the check! 😁 That was the way they treated those boys.
The parents are a******s. One or both of the parents have issues toward males. I'm going to guess the dad. Sometimes there is envy or jealousy toward a child, it's disgusting but some parents can be like that. Didn't want you to go to the better college. Look at what used to be my family.. They help my sister. Shes the oldest with everything. Still are. She still has house that's worth a lot.. yet she won't pay back student loan though mom gives her hundreds each month right off the top. And has money in bank. They helped one brother with everything. We even worked on and repaired his rental. I helped.. Etc. Another brother was given car after car, etc. Helped with legal stuff, etc. My mom dotes on him as well. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. It boils down to what the parents want. Dad passed away some years ago. I'm trying to get divorce and I'm homeless. Dad's gone. One brother assaulted me. My mom hasn't talked to me since that day. Her favorite son can do no wrong.
Happened to me and my husband both. His parents paid for his favourite older (very entitled) sister and had him go at it on his own. His sister finished her degree and didn't even pursue it. My mother paid for my little brother's entire education, took out loans, paid his vacation needs, vehicle rental, a condo, etc... I got, help with a few books and a laptop. Which I am grateful, but he got to go to college fully paid for twice. I eventually had to drop out due to medical and financial issues and need to save up before I go back. My cousin's parents did this to him too. Both siblings were pretty upset about the unfairness. It’s a big mess that some parents pick favourites.
I'm guessing re the fafsa question at bottom that the parents lied about owning stock or he would have been disqualified. One of my friends has two parents who make a decent living and even though she lives by herself and her parents refused to contribute anything towards college was still denied as she's only 20. I didn't go to college until 29 but i would have had same problem, my mom wouldn't put a quarter in a meter for me but parent's income counts against me?! I have a much younger sister who was given everything i wasn't allowed to have. I was a straight A student who only got in usual teen trouble (curfew etc) as is she. I was not allowed a driver's license until i moved out, she had her driver's ed paid for and was gifted a (used) car at 16. I had to move out at 18 (gladly) and she lounged at their house til 23. I should probably eventually forgive them but going low/no contact with unsupportive family is freeing.
I'm wondering if they parents are banking on the sister being their care giver. This role tends to fall on the younger female siblings. In the long run they likely expect to gain more by investing in the sister.
Sometimes parents change. Sometimes they rationalise decisions. Sometimes the make mistakes, and sometimes they’re plain wrong. My oldest (full) brother, 2 elder (full) sisters and 1 younger (half) sister were quantifiably treated differently by our mum. The 3 oldest were raised before mum became a devout Jehovah’s Witness and the 2 sisters had already had kids. I was early teens, and the youngest was a Witness too. My oldest brother (full) and I were told if we had kids, not to ask for her help financially or with child care. She had already done her bit with the older sisters kids. In her will, the youngest got left the bigger slice, then the 2 older sisters, with me and my brother the least. Who did she turn to her last year of life when she was sick? Me, as the one with medical knowledge. I stepped up for a year to win her approval/ respect/ love(?). She died 9 years ago, and I am still angry. And I never got the chance to confront her. Op is lucky he did.
your parents wants your ugly dumb a*s sister to go to better school to get married to rich boy who knock her down because obv they worry because your sister is not as smart as you.
For some reason this does not surprise me in the least, I had a older sister and younger brother, my sister was the golden child, my brother was "the baby" and only boy, sooo I was the scapegoat and didn't realize it till my girls noticed how my parents and siblings treated me, I was so used to shitty treatment it just rolled off my back, when things became clear that's when the rage hit, now at my age I realize my mom was a very flawed woman, spoiled rotten by her GM then spoiled rotten by my dad. I was always closer to dad because I believe he loved all of us equally and NEVER pitted us against each other, my mom ALWAYS got both sis & bro to blame me for ANYTHING that wasn't going smoothly for my mother, so that's what they did, my sister disappeared 11 years ago(she passed away last October)and my brother has his life without me in it. Anyway, read up on family dynamics and especially Narcissistic parents and their children. Be prepared though, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.
Had a similar experience myself- sister was the golden child for years. Her boss at the law firm looked at me the day zi arrived to take her to lunch and said "I didn't know Diane had 2 kids." There wseveral pictures of her, but other one of me. She also liked to brag about putting us through school (usually the only time she acknowledged me) and I had replied one day "I have another sibling? Why did you keep THAT a secret?" At this point I was about 6 months away from a double mandatory worked full time plus had lab duties on campus. Then my sister married for money, and decided to ghost my parents. Suddenly I was the golden child, and she paid some ofmy grad school expenses. I was grateful, but my sister hd everything paid for when she was in school. Mom made an effort to balance the scales, and I have to give her credit there. Our relationship is still fractious, but I've grown up and am trying to move on. I do shut her down when she tries to talk about my sister though.
That is so sad for the young man but I wouldn’t blame him if he cut them out of his life. He should be proud of his achievements, let the anger go, forgive them (forgiveness is for you not the jerks of the world) and move forward. I remember how perplexed I was when I found out my dad didn’t have a plan for me and my sister’s university educations like all our friends’ parents did. I ended up doing most of my degree in night school and it took me 15 years. But knowing what I do now I should have just taken simple college courses and would have gotten a good paying job earlier instead of wasting my time in deadend places.
It seems to me that you got a lot better education than you think. You learned how to man up and take care of yourself instead of relying on someone else to do it for you. You should thank your parents for allowing you to learn to take care of yourself. In the long term you will be a lot better man, unless of course you are just a spoiled whiny baby. Grow up, Dude.
hmmm 6 years is a long time for stocks to increase, everything turned out well sounds like middle class problems, not a reason to throw away family
My parents told me they'd pay for my education. So I told my parents that I wanted to attend a specific UC school when I was a freshman and told them that I would be taking a number of college prep level courses (required by UC schools) to help my chances of getting in. They told me that "was nice" and for years I remember my mother bragging to people about me taking UC prep courses. Then as a senior I needed help applying to college and I told my Mom I wanted help applying to the UC school I had planned on attending. She straight up laughed in my face and said "LOL! You really think we have the money send you to a UC? Don't be so selfish." ....W....t....f. I remember being so confused and angry, like I completely understood if they couldn't afford it, but why let me go through all those UC prep courses KNOWING full well that you never had any intention of sending me? Ugh. Even so, I can't complain, because my father did pay for my state school tuition, so I'm still luckier than most.
Yeesh. My Arents told me that I would have to pay for college: they couldn't. I competed for scholarships, had them fill out FAFSA, took out loans, and worked 3 jobs simultaneously to afford school. I would never have expected them to pay for Greek dues, car, etc. I did without those and it worked just fine. I graduated Phi Beta Kappa, summa cum laude. It was worth it.
I have a hard time calling parents AHs even if they are. I wasn't really raise that way, but either way they paid for your college education? Idk why they made the choice they made, perhaps it's favoritism. My parents always had the narrative that I was the girl and I'd be fully supported by them as long as I wanted so I wouldn't have to feel obligated to be supported by another man, but my brothers were expected to support themselves right away at 18. My parents didn't pay for anyone's college though and I moved out and joined the military at 18 anyway. With that in mind maybe they were somewhat AH but I can't see not talking to them ever again after they paid for your education and now you're debt free and working. I think it's fine to be angry but if you let this go on long term then maybe ESH.
In our culture the kids pay for their own education , we do not expect for them to get that burden, we are just proud we get to be able to attend higher education. If they are not there would you drown in a cup of water yourself.
A friend told me of someone he knew well who had 2 sons and a daughter in school at the same time. When the Dad was struggling to pay, he opted to pay the daughter's fees at least. His thinking was the boys could rough it out better! He was bizarrely worried that his daughter might resort to getting money from men or in some questionable way. The parents here (in my thinking)were clearly way more confident of their son coping and anxious that the daughter may not do as well without their financial help. If so, they failed woefully to communicate and have ended up looking like playing favourites. This may not have been the intention as it sounds like they were proud of him, by asking his sister to look up to him. That said, I think the hard working son should have gotten some help from the parents nonetheless.
My parents always helped my siblings and never me when I was struggling. I was so angry for a long time. But I realized, based on some conversations and life examples, that they didn't help me because they thought that I was the child that could figure it out and my siblings were not nearly so capable. They acted this way because they had more faith in me to come out on the other end relatively unscathed. It's still wrong and totally unfair, but in a round about way they were telling me they were proud of me and had faith in my abilities.
If most of their assets we're held in stock options maybe the parents are in a better financial situation now because the value of FAANG companies have increased more than 200% over the last 5 years. It may have been true that their holdings would not have been enough to cover a HYPSM at the time but if they accumulated and held more shares over the years the value of their portfolio would have grown considerably since 2016.
Parents are probably in a better financial situation now because if most of their assets were in stock holdings the value of those shares have appreciated more than 200% over the last 5 years. So it may have been true that their holdings would not have been enough to cover the cost of a HYPSM but if they accumulated and held more stock options the value of their portfolio would have grown considerably since 2016.
So my kid got accepted into a very expensive Ivy League school to study astrophysics. She also applied to our local State school (Michigan) which was practically free by comparison. Both schools were ranked in the top 5 in the country in Astrophysics so I told her she had to go to our state school. Does that make be a bad father? She graduated as a triple major and got her masters one year later and now works at Google. Her IVY League degree would not have made any difference in how successful she became. The OP has a right to know why his parents didn’t or couldn’t pay but he got the degrees he wanted without the burdensome cost of a private school and he needs to be grateful for that. I think the OP should at least write his patents and tell them why he is so hurt and tell them without a reasonable explanation their relationship could be permanently damaged.
Heres some insight from New Zealands view. Everyone pays for their own education. It's not societal expectation for parents to pay for your education here. If they do decide to pay for your younger siblings education, it's understandable and we feel happy for our younger sibling. But thats how the culture is over here. Not entirely sure on American Education.
If your father's stock is part of a retirement account with his company, there's a penalty for receiving distributions from it prior to age 59 and 1/2 years old. The penalty and taxes imposed by the IRS for early distributions from retirement accounts can be quite extensive and could lead to loss of retirement funds needed for their future needs. The fact that you've succeeded without their financial support says a lot about your character and your parent's faith in your abilities. Their decision to help your sister implies they don't have any confidence in your sister to be able to survive without their support.
I got basically the same treatment. Sis got help, I didn't. But I can't say our family ever even seemed balanced or healthy, and apparently a lot of gender preference is a factor.
If your dad has had stocks worth hundreds of thousands of $, he must have been in a management position, but you said he didn't have enough to sponsor you tru a good university? That's hard to understand. Also, not all stock options can be cashed out immediately as they are dependant on the conditions set out by the issuing company in order to retain their staff. It could be by the time your sister was accepted into university, the options has matured for withdrawal. The other thing is, many your parents realised they had made a mistake and didn't want to repeat it again. The faster you can come to terms with what's happened, the faster you can move on. Don't let this burden you and the sky's limit no matter where you go from here, not where you came from.
Question of Mom & Dad: did your stock situation improve so much in 5 yrs you were able to go from no to all funding support? Or, is there male child success versus female child needs support bias going on here? And, I don't understand crying over acceptance letter - had you also applied for any scholarships or financial aid? Sometimes families need to lay it out in the open: me 1st born, great grades, 6th out of 257 grads, great scores, IQ at top 2%, knew our family was very upper middle-class, had ALWAYS been told I was indeed going to college. Me: understood meant they would pay for in-state university (Arizona has two highly rated public universities) & I should go for scholarships and tuition-waivers. Lots of unspoken conversation that was understood by all. My parents were spoiled. Now my brother one grade behind, valedictorian, perfect grades, genius level. Accepted to Harvard, MIT, and I don't remember which other top-tier schools, but not a single scholarship application.
Gotta love the people being like "But look at how cool I am!!" - no one cares.
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This is why you don't make student aid only available to kids of poor families. Rich parents perpetrate financial abuse like this.
Well, it sounds unfair but their situation might not be as good as present, even if his father has earnings even then,both of him and his sister were also studying at that time. He also should at least still be thankful that he was still able to earned a degree.
Why should he be 'thankful' he had to go into debt and receive less help, to go to a worse school? These things aren't mutually exclusive. He can be happy about his degree, but doesn't have to be 'thankful' he was f****d over?
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I believe if a Parent is going to do for one they should do it for all and not be selective and give excuses. Hold accountability.
Well. I am the product of an African immigrant and an American. I was raised in a above poverty level barely middle class family in the 80s and early 90s. I was accepted to and attended the top HBCU in the country and graduated as an engineer. You don't have the right to be angry at your parents. Systematic racism was and still is the biggest crosscurrent I have to cross in every aspect of my life. For once in your miserable parent hating life you should present yourself as grateful for the enormous cultural barriers your parents helped you pass.
Go f**k yourself, you entitled c**t. No one is talking about race here, and for you to try and turn this article that has nothing to do with it, or you, about yourself? Is f*****g narcissistic. You don't know anything about this guy or his parents besides what is presented, here, in this article. I love seeing ignorant people like you post about all their 'accomplishments' then use that as a reason they can s**t on this guy. You obviously have bad parents, and don't understand why this person is mad.
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I would never expect from my parents to pay for my higher education or a wedding. They did support me, which I'll be forever grateful for, but I cannot imagine me telling them- you have to do it. Sorry, but no. Welcome to the adulthood. But in this story, I feel sorry for the man that he wasn't treated equally with his lil sister.
He was lied to and gaslit by his parents who then favoured a sibling over him and his hard work. I point this out as apparently you either didn't read the story / read it with any care.
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Admit it or not, there is always a favorite child parents go out of their way to help. I'm an only child, but for years watched the difference made between cousins and friends. Watched as the left out struggle to make their parents proud. They are loved just don't get the help and attention the other do.
His father may have had options that hadn't vested or hit a strike price yet when he went. 5 years later it may have been different. Unless they open up nobody is going to be able to tell.
Even if this were true? He still had money. If he were in a job giving those kinds of options, his pay was good. If his life expenses were too high? He should have considered that when telling his son to aim for certain schools, as he was basically telling him 'Oh I'll pay for that.' Or perhaps considered he might not need a new car, and instead his son can go to school...
Load More Replies... Part 1 of 2 or 3 Hi Liedto,I have experience in this with my husband and our sons. First my husband graduated a year early with a 4.89 GPA at 17 he is amazingly bright. I've been with him since we were 15. His parents made him choice between his education and ME he chose me we were all ready together 3 years by this time. He did not speak to them for a year but did contact them when we were getting married and they did come back into his life. He was smart enough he makes 6 figures and has never needed a education other then highschool. But his parents did pay for his sister's schooling even though she was with a man 9 years older and that was okay. They bought her 3 cars she totalled the 1st 2. Then she got pregnant by the guy 9 years older he died while she was pregnant his family have her his house were doing everything for her and the baby's. The sister in low comes over and finds her in bed with the baby's fathers brother( HER HUSBAND AND FATHER OF HER 4 KIDS )
Part 2 so then his parents take her in until the kids were 5 she paid for nothing. They stopped treating my son the same it was like he wasn't around anymore. The way they treated her kids to our son was so apparent at 10 years old my son wrote his grandparents a letter :( I will say that my husband had times hear in there we did not see them a bit. Buy he never took them out of his life completely may of been me though I really think grandparents are important and wanted my son to know his. Now with our sons son # 1 born 1990 our Bio/son we lost our daughter in 1994. Fast forward 12.5 YEARS....Our adopted son comes home from Korea. When our 1st son was graduating highschool our second son was getting ready for kindergarten. Our oldest did start college and we were going to get a student loan and we would pay FOR ALL OF IT.. about 2 months in he decided he wanted to work full time at our local hospital and he didn't want to attend school right then. We asked him I really tried to push
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Reading this story and these comments of people not talking to their parents over finances is sad, and heartbreaking. Sure it sucks, your parents paid for your sister but not you. Get over it, you still got your degree, have a great career, and are living a good life. As someone who lost her father as a young adult, I had to work even harder to take care of my mother, and now she's gone too. One day you'll regret your decision as your parents won't be here forever.
Ya, it really does suck that some parents care about money more than their kids, right? Truly sucks. You also don't know anything about how these parents treated their kids beyond this one situation so please, take a seat.
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The key was that they said you'd get the same education at a state school for the major you chose, and they were proven right by your success in the field. They were probably willing to pay the extra if you'd chosen a major where you'd get a better education at an ivy league school, but since you chose the major you did, there was no need to cover that huge extra expense. It seems to me they were simply being logical and practical, which is more than appropriate to the situation. My situation was different & my parents clearly chose my sister over me, covering her 1st 2 years at least at an expensive school, where they wouldn't cover even one year of mine at a similar, the same, or even a much cheaper institution - same field of study!! I did find other means to attend State College, & ended up being arguably much more successful than my pampered sister, but never did I think of cutting off communications with my parents because of it. I'm glad I didn't. They're dead & I miss 'em.
Despite their "faults," They had their good sides, & they did manage to feed me, clothe me, and put a roof over my head until I came of age. After that, in this society, their obligation ended there, nest pas?
Load More Replies... You can forgive your parents for thier perceived slight or you can live in bitterness about it. The bottom line is that it was, is, and will be thier money that they can do as they please with. What if they left all of thier money to charity? Would you and your sister commiserate together and piss on thier gravestones? Be greatful instead of hateful.
Actually, you can be happy, but still not forgive your parents. These two things are not mutually exclusive. There is not some switch you are flicking...it's okay not to like people, especially when they aren't good people.
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If there is any gender gap, it's in favor of young women. There is clear data supporting this favoritism bias. And it's everywhere--They get everything handed to them--money, positions of advancement in school and work, raises, promotions, opportunities are endless. But they better enjoy it now and have a back up, because once their shelf life expires, society will throw them in the trash. Facts. I hate favoritism in any form. Now that is discrimination.
Does this kind of thing usually happen with the eldest child? My younger siblings got their first car bought, were always bailed out and even now still get bought better gifts at birthdays and xmas.
They never mentioned what she was going for. He did Mendon that a state school would be fine for his chosen field. You don't even need college to work for "FAANG" these days - you just test for the position. They don't care about anything but your ability to perform the job properly. I wouldn't be surprised if they'd hire you part time at 13/14 while still in high school of you has the skill and are legally allowed in your state! College IS a waste of time and money for many people these days!
He has the right idea, if your parents do s**t like that, then you have no reason to talk to them, ever.
Life isnt fair. My little bros got college paid for and I had to get a scholarship through my work, despite the fact I am clearly the smart one. Maybe it's because I have my own kid and I know how hard this paretning s**t is, but it doesn't bother me, and it shouldn't be worth shitting away your relationship with your parents. Be the bigger person, forgive them, and be happy for your sister. You will be happier for it in the long run.
This is horrible sentiment. Please, by all means, s**t away your relationship with your parents, if your parents are pieces of s**t. Just because they are related to you by blood doesn't mean you owe them anything. Why let people continue to make you miserable, when you can be happy without them? This line of thinking has never made sense to me, and I imagine it comes from sentiment based on movies and television.
Load More Replies... The problem with this article is that it's completely one sided you don't know both ends of the spectrum only what he claims. There could be many reasons why parents chose to pay for his sister education and not his that he isn't mentioning here! Maybe she was more applied at school than he was and took it seriously since her younger years maybe she always got better grades and was more involved academically and passionate about it. Maybe he wasn't maybe he never cared to much for school or got good grades or tried to excel maybe he had a tendency to start things become passionate about them and then quit mid project since early on and his parents caught on to that and are scared to risk getting indebted when he might quit or fail because lack of discipline or drive again these are possible reasons he isn't addressing here. Nothing is set in stone cause this article is geared towards making his parents look bad regardless of facts like they aren't paying it's not like they gave---
I understand wanting both perspectives, but first that is his main issue. He wants answers, an explanation! Secondly, yeah he totally got into an Ivy league school doing all that you proposed as an excuse... Please, there might be reasons, those are certainly not the ones. Getting into an Ivy is an exceptional achievement, that shows great academic potencial and remarkable work ethic!
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Sorry for the typos - that was voice to text Should have said " you didn't have to work to put yourself through school. Did they pay for your community college? That is still way luckier than a lot of people. Man, the sense of entitlement here is hard to overlook."
Happened to me as well. Older brother drops out of college and when it was MY turn, our parents declined to help at ALL. Citing "you'll just get married and never use it" and "your choice so you pay for it." I did just that. On loans and with struggles but I did it on my own. I don't resent them. They did what they thought was "right". It would have made an already stressful first generation college students life much less painful but in the end, it made me who I am today, resilient and self driven.
I'm not sure I believe part of it. I mean he got loans to pay for state school bit not for his school of choice? My boss is an Ivy Leager (Brown) he came from a very modest background. He paid his with loans. He's still paying them 20 years later but he is doing very well.
Perhaps he chose 'not being in debt the rest of his life', or perhaps the time to take said loans was past, as he had already been accepted. Generally applying for loans/scholarships comes BEFORE that.
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Looks like he still needs to grow up. Parents do not owe him his university cost and he should think about what he has done for them first before comparing himself with his own sister
He was lied to and gaslit by his parents who then favoured a sibling over him and his hard work. I point this out as apparently you either didn't read the story / read it with any care. What he was owed, by the way, was the truth and maybe even some basic respect.
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If he decides to estrange himself from his parents, how will his life be any better? It sounds as though he is hurt by his parents actions and is convinced this happened because his parents love his sister more than they love him. What if he opened up to his parents to tell them that he's hurt by how they've been treated differently and wants to understand why. It could be that his parents were very nervous in the beginning about how they would be able to pay for 8 years of college and did not want to promise him an experience that they couldn't finance. Then, when they looked again at finances when it was time for his sister to go to school they realized that they could afford it. He is still very privileged to have been able to attend a 4 year university and to have graduated and gotten a good paying job. I'm not convinced he'd be any better off having gone to an Ivy League school. It's a shame he couldn't go to his dream school, but I hope he can eventually let this go.
His parents estranged themselves from him. Unless, of course, you think being lied to and gaslit is acceptable.
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How about a young man who started working, earning and saving for his college at the age of 13 in the late 60's and achieved sufficient funds for 4 years of college at the age of 18 !! He began the enrollment process and his parents had withdrawn the entire amount from their sons savings. At least this person's parents are better than that.
One of the replies mentions bragging rights, would not be surprised if they are paying for the sister as they now need better bragging rights since someone else's kid either also got accepted, or is actually attending an Ivy league school, so accepted alone no longs cuts it.
Financial situations change, I'm not discussing my finances with my children aside from I can or can't afford said thing. My daughter got a 4 year free ride from state university and that's where she went. My son I would've helped him fill out the FAFSA but he would've paid his own loans like me. My older sister got her school paid for and never used the degree, I was told I would have to earn my own so I joined the military. Complaints I have them but I'm not going to throw a tantrum "I'll never talk to you" over this. Life goes on, we do what we must.
Did you lie to either of them in the course of this? His pain and anger isn't really about the money, it's being ruthlessly gaslit and treated with disrespect.
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Also Asian. Also the oldest (but daughter). They didn't give me a penny for school, but paid for 2 younger brothers and 1 younger sister to go to great schools. The youngest girl and boy also got assistance to go to Johns Hopkins after. 🤷🏽♀️
At first I thought the parents just didn't OP I'll graduate with tons on student loan debt. But, it seems odd Dad didn't cash some stock to pay at least some of the tuition etc. That the parents can't/won't explain suggests the reason is likely not loving/supporting or reasonable/justifiable. Perhaps Dad should sell some stock to pay off some, or all, of OP's loans. Parents better hope that Sister is willing and able to take care of them in their old age , on her own. Or they may learn that payback's a b****.
Please forgive your parents. They may have had a genuine reason that they can't tell you. thank God you turned out great. Just don't become that kind of parent and don't overindulge your kids either.
While I can see the point of parents being assholes for paying for his sister but not for his, I'm still a bit weirded out by this story. I grew up in a culture where university is unobtainable, expecting parents to pay for it at all strikes me the same way as expecting a mansion for your birthday.
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Its possible that the stock shares either were tied up in some type of deferred compensation arrangement, were in options that hadnt matured (both common in rapid growth companies), or there was a serious tax consequence for selling at that time, which changed around the time the sister was ready to go. I would strongly suggest a reasonable conversation with parents before tearing your family apart.
First he and all that agree with him sounds like spoiled kids. Are you education is not a right. There is no law that says your parents has to sell a kidney for you to go to more school. It is THEIR money and they can spend it anyway they want. They kept you fed and housed and safe for 18 years. You got the education and got a great job and don't have to spend the next 30 years paying for it. If anything they put you in a better place by not letting you be a spoiled brat. By telling you no that this is the real world and you don't get everything you want. Grow up and get over it. How would you feel if one of your parents passed and you can never talk to them again? I know so many that wish they can talk to their parents one more time. In the past 2 years there are millions of families wishing one more time to talk to thier loved ones. GROW THE FRECK UP!!!!!
His father had hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars in savings. Investing the stock into his Son's Education is a great investment, he chose not to because...? I would rather sound like a spoiled kid, than sound like a robot who agrees to any mistreatment from anyone related to them. Also... "Are you education is not a right." - Sounds like someone didn't get a very good education.
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-- maybe he was a trouble child in highschool maybe he was known to get into fight suspended, expelled! It's not like we never knew kids like that in highschool who's parents would have to bail them out or sit down with the principal for a pardon and wonder how they are still allowed to attend school after doing what they did! I knew many and I'm sure those same kids from back then would expect a handout from their parents after embarrassing them liked that too!! He can still be an entitled son the only difference is this time he didn't get what he wanted and his sister did. Again so many possible reasons that we don't know why? But i do love how many ppl on here are so quick to point the finger and compare their lives to this story and so quick to point the finger at the sibling that did get what they wanted as entitled didn't have to work for anything and flunked out anyway cause it didn't cost them a thing so they don't care! First off that's narrow minded way to look at things---
What does any of this even MEAN!? Did you read this before you posted it? You're acting like he was some 'troubled teen' getting into trouble etc. well, sorry, but NEWS FLASH! Troubled teens don't get accepted into Ivy League Universities. He had to have fulfilled a long list of requirements, and some of those are 'not being a complete delinquent', as that kind of stuff IS tracked by schools. So people drew informed conclusions, based on the data he presented. You are just blatantly making s**t up. There is a BIG difference.
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Your girlfriend is right you're better off than 95% of people out there and yet your still complaining. What a sob story. Your parents don't OWE you anything. You can say you achieved your success on your own, but instead you complain about what someone DIDN'T give you. Be grateful you had a roof over your head and you were fed I didn't have to work to put yourself through school did they pay for your community college that still we luckier than a lot of people man is sense of entitlement here is hard to overlook. 99 percent of the world's population would love to have had the upbringing, and the opportunity in life that you have. Stop complaining about what you didn't get for free and start recognizing and enjoying what you do have. Health, wealth an opportunity.
Ahh yes, the Boot Licker who has to justify his own bad life. Welcome. Now, maybe you can explain how 'because he's got a decent life' he's not able to complain about the parts of it that are traumatic? Only you are able to complain about the bad things I guess? Or are you just the one who gets to choose who is allowed to complain? Because this situation, above? As much as you think it doesn't matter, will be a part of the rest of his life, and bother him, for it. There are several aspects you can likely never understand, so let me spell them out: - He was lied to by people he trusted - He was misled and coaxed to do something, for years, for a payout he could never reach - His sister was shown completely different treatment, hurting his self esteem even more If you can't understand how these things above, are bad, then you're just blatantly a moron. If you don't understand why he's complaining, and why people are sympathetic, you're blatantly an asshole.
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He was lied to and gaslit by his parents who then favoured a sibling over him and his hard work. I point this out as apparently you either didn't read the story / read it with any care.
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I think the OP completely missed the point and hold grudges over nothing. Basically when he were 18, I am sure his parents already had the "sister". It's logical that they had to plan their resources to be able to support both children. Jump forth to the present day, he went on to live his life and got a stable job, it gives his parents more rooms to support his sister with hopes of doing better than they did in the past. What happened if they went 100% broke on him, and he failed? Would he take care of his sister? I am sorry but this OP guy is disgusting to me. His story is sad but how he reacts towards his parent is disgusting. He should travels and see the world more.
Children are ungrateful. My father send my sister to study bellet in UK. Now, my father is old he tried to borrow money from her. U know what she said to my father? "U should be lending me the money and not vise versa. At your age you should be financially secure"
I think you meant 'People are awful' - bigger catch-all.
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Sounds like 1. you've never raised children yourself, 2. Turned out more than well with a solid career and income and without needing any college financial assistance from your parents, 3. See things black and white and from only your viewpoint, 4. Place more importance on financial and material things than on relationships with family, 5. Have some jealousy issues with your sister. I can understand why the situation peeved you (though I think there's likely more to it than you've revealed) but you don't seem to take much pride in being your own man, who became successful on his own. And unless you are a perfect human being then you've made mistakes. Do you ever consider that you may have made others angry or hurt others' feelings, or...over the years a d need people to forgive you also? It's easy to be angry and hold a grudge as long as we don't think too hard that we may need forgiveness ourselves. Anger, hate, resentment, all those negative feelings eat at a person's soul.
Wow. Just...wow. Can't believe this many idiots still exist, but here we are.
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NTA for sure. The dude has reasons to be angry, but the best thing is let it be. Just carry on with your life. Your parents is your sister's concern by now. Be angry, say them what you want to say, but after storm this out... Just let it be. Your parents will not be here for longer, life is short and you're a true winner who owes them nothing - you don't have to love them, but don't cut ties, it's too painful for both after some time, the sister included. I think they're ashamed enough, just accept their apologies and carry on!
How do you know what the parents or sister feel? I don't think family should constantly be given free passes for years of mistreatment. DNA is not an excuse to get away with abusive behavior. Knowing each other for a long time isn't a good reason to continue a garbage relationship. If they otherwise have no problems in the family, I can see working it out, but I wouldn't be surprised if this is a "last straw" situation.
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The USA's education-system is a fúcking shame for the real 1st world countries. Remember the show, Gilmore Girls? Even for high-school one have to pay, and it's not enough the pupils' skills. With that said, I cut my family-ties for less, than this. So, the original OP is right, in my opinion.
Have you taken into consideration, that your parents financial situation may have chanced enough, that they can do now, what they were unable to do then?
It is usually the girl who gets pulled out of school as soon as legal, the the boys who get the expensive and good education :-(
I dont understand he said himself that his parents couldnt afford it when he had that opportunity and now 6 years later when his sister has the same opportunity he missed because of his parents finances that agian he himself said they couldnt afford at that time are now able to afford it be it for them learning their lesson and starting to save up or them having one less mouth to feed letting them save more as given what he said it seems highly likely this is the case in this situation and instead of being happy for his sister and grateful that his parents didnt make her miss this opportunity like they did him he is hateful and offended that they didnt do to her that they did to him and i cant describe that other then being childish and throwing a tantrum p.s. im not saying there isnt shitty parents out there but from what this guy said and this article this doesnt seem to be the case in this situation
So i dont understand why he is so upset. He says himself that his parents couldnt afford it and his parents even let him see for himself. 6 years later when his sister has the same opportunity he missed because of his parents finances and his parents are now able to afford it. instead of being thankful that his parents learned their lesson and started saving up so that situation doesnt happen agian instead gets upset that his parents didnt take the opportunity away from her just to spare her brothers feeling. This just seems like a kid throwing a tantrum honestly.
He is bitching about having to pay for school. My mom refused to allow me to go to college because it would end her check. But she also didn't want me living at home. I was 17.
This is called "female privilege" because you know....women are strong and independent and equal an need NO MAN. ..unless it's daddy who's paying for her tuition 😉 I know how it feels...i grew up in feminazi family were men are considered morons and women are smart intelligent angels who are always right. 😉 Ive cut ties with all of them. To much toxicity. Time comes and they will be their own retribution. Devil always takes his toll.
He received the education. He wanted to bankrupt his parents for bragging. People love to go to the most expensive schools, then cry loan forgiveness. Education is expensive, but attainable, you do not need to go to Harvard, Rutgers alumni have achieved extraordinary accomplishments. He's mad because he didn't have to pay it. They even offered to help pay off his student loan.
I say forgive them, they are your parents. You just continue to grow as a person and learn from them, and if you are pissed off about what happened make sure you don't do it to your kids... Peace, Love, and let it go... I'm sure they would love you either way.. Be the best representation of yourself, and continue the success and journey of the life you want...
All of you are morons! Got my BS in the Phil before migrating in America in my late 30’s, worked continuously for 24 yrs, retired at 62 with a $1M retirement IRA, now living the American dream.
Your point? Not everyone gets Privileged White Male opportunities.
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I don’t know. There are holes here. As people stated why weren’t other options considered for attendance at the IVY school??? There are options, financial aid. WORKING. This is typical Gen Z entitled brat. I don’t know why people assume their parents owe them to pave the road of life with every asset and dollar they have. I’m sure it hurts feelings, but never speaking again to your family over money? That’s so disgusting. Entitled and greedy. This person could have sought out financial aid, loans and/or work through school. He also claims he did get loans but his parents filled out the paperwork?? Even the opening of this post has a tone of entitlement with passive aggressive complaining that his parents ‘made’ him do well in school. Whatever the context, those habits and grades still landed him a good job and financial security to stand on his own feet and be more well off than a lot of people his age (his words). This person needs to grow up.
None of what you wrote is even relevant. The issue is that his parents lied to him, gaslit him and favored his sister.
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"Jacob have I loved, but Esau I have hated."....So, what I'm trying to say is: The oldest child has been getting the short end of the stick literally since the beginning of time. That being said I am proud of you for taking a stand. They may never respect you or validate you. But that's okay, you're a badass all on your own accomplishments.
Just accept that life is unfair and move on. They did not pay for your fancy education but they still paid for your education. I had to pay for mine and defer university enrolment because I didn't have the money to jump right into it after my diploma. Which I also paid for myself. My father told me point blank he had no money for me and even if we had it's for my younger siblings education, not mine. Have I forgiven him? Maybe. Will I ever forget? No. Do I speak to him? Only on a needs basis. Do either do us care? Not really.
You obviously care, and obvious didn't forgive him. So...you wouldn't be here if you, like the OP, didn't still hold a grudge.
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Are you all serious? What a whiny "kid"...so his parents couldn't afford his education at the time, but they can help his sister, what a selfish young man. Be happy that your sister can go now and newsflash your parents never have to help you pay for school if they don't want to. You are an adult. You want something, you find a means to obtain it. This is NOT something to disown your parents over. I'm surprised by the comments. You could have applied for financial aid, worked another job to pay off your loans, you can't just coast through life waiting that your parents support you. This is the natural transition from going from child to adult. Experience: I paid my way through Masters.
You, my friend, are a f*****g idiot. I sincerely hope you aren't a parent. Maybe you missed the part where most of the wrongdoing in question happened when he was 17? IE not quite an adult? You also realize, he isn't disowning them because of the lack of payment, right? It's the lying, and the misleading, that he's mad about. Even an idiot can understand that your parents lying to you/misleading you about serious matters is serious, right? Do you think all parents are owed love and respect despite their behavior? I bet you doooooo!
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Your parents don't owe you a college education, I can see why they chose to help your sister. You probably always sounded like a piss ant.
Accept it and move on. You’ll either succeed in life or see yourself as a victim and fail. That’s your choice
You know, there are more than two options here, right? People love making things generic and simple, don't they? He can still succeed in life, and hate his parents. These things are not mutually exclusive.
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I think this is actually not about favoritism but about sexism. He doesn't say anything about his mom working. My bet is they think it's important for his sister to meet and marry a wealthy Ivy League boy, and that's why they are spending the money on her education. They want her to be able to be a wealthy wife who attends benefits and raises the kids.
Wow! Only a crazed left winger could somehow "see" sexism, or racism, in this story. I feel so bad for you..and your husband. You must be a very self deceived, sad person/victim.
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So let me get this straight. You are not going to talk to your parents ever again because they would not pay for your educatiion even though it sounds like you grew up in a good home and probably never went hungry. Your education is your responsibility to pay for. I'll never understand why people think it's their parents burden. Wow you are so entitled. Thank your lucky stars you were able to go at all.
In MY case, I wasn't upset because my dad didn't pay for college. It hurt me that he paid for my sister's, but not mine. My siblings and I came from his first wife, and this sister came from wife #3. We were made to feel like puppies who grew up & were no longer cute. She was spoiled rotten to say the least. I told my own children from the day they were born that I would be paying student loans until my death, so they had to get scholarships. I would never pay for one and not the other.
Load More Replies... First of all, we don't even know if this person is telling the true. Second, there is no law saying ones parents are financially responsible for making sure they get an education beyond 18 years old, which is when most people become ADULTS. Third, this person sounds like an ungrateful little brat. He has a Masters degree and works at a global tech company. Yet he's still crying. No wonder his parents didn't pay for his college. His sister is probably more appreciative.
This guy is spoiled. Parents have the right to spend their money in whatever they prefere. They probably had very difficult situations during life and have the right to enjoy a little. The incapacity of beliving in his parables is also absurd. If they said they can't, that's it. Be greatful for all the education they gave you. Oh, these spoiled north american man... They have everything and keeping turning themselves after the ones that care them most.
Ya...they have everything. Such as greedy parents, who don't care about them! Only their own, personal status.
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He "Did all the work" yet didn't think to apply for grants or scholarships, if his grades were that good he should have been able to get basically a full ride not to mention all the extracurricular activities he mentions he was in that all have scholarship opportunities, ill take things that never happened for 500 alex
Am I the only one who thinks that parents don't have to pay for the kid's college?
But they paid for his sisters, thats the thing, also parents in opinion should. They brought him into this world and yet they arent paying for his education? Its one thing if they cant, but they could when his sister wanted to.
Load More Replies... As partner with an Asian man, I think I can comment about the mindset. I suspect your folks are either first- or second-generation and wanted to ensure you have the 'right' stuff to succeed in the USA. As eldest son, and as an Asian man, you probably were pretty serious about life for a long time, and they wanted to make sure that when you were 'sprung' free from their 'control' you could carry on by yourself. I bet, if you went on for a doctorate they'll support you in further endeavors. As for a younger sibling, especially a woman, she's got several things going for her. She is a female and notably supposedly more mature at an earlier age. She's managed to make the bar you set. She has to recognize the difference in the post-secondary opportunity offered by the folks to her, and I would venture that the present angst felt is temporary if you realize the product i.e. a college education, is of comparable value whether attendance at a name-brand, or not. You'll see when you have kids.
Why do parents have to pay for their children anyway? Have your kids take out loans or get a free education at community College.
they made this agreement long ago cuz money was & is tight. Sis just showed more promise.🤣🤣🤣🤣
He kinda is the AH. I myself paid for my own college degree because at that time my mom couldn't afford to send me to college. By the time my younger sister was old enough to go to college my moms financial situation was way better and my sister was able to go to a nationally known university that my mom paid for. I was never upset and it didn't stop me from getting to where I wanted to be. My mother gave me the same love, care, and support when I was growing up as she did my sister so why should I be mad. It's just timing. He's not even taking to account his sisters feelings, this could make a joyful time in her life a guilty one because her future caused a rift in the family. Quit the tantrum, it's not like your family treated you like the whipping boy and left you to fend for yourself. Time passed, their situation improved...man up congratulate your sister and hug your parents, they couldn't give you Harvard but they did try.
I don't think the issue was that they did not pay for his tuition. I think it was lack of communication and unwillingness to discuss why they would/could not pay.
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Iwas also a working student, studied in a Public School until I got tired and I didn't finished my college because I couldn't afford the expenses anymore. I've got no Parents or Siblings to lean on. I understand the feeling of this Man being descriminated by his parents. But Family are still a Family. Better to live a life with love from them.
But...they are obviously showing their 'love' isn't quite what he thought it was. You understand that, right?
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GOOOOSH, what a dumb story. It's none of your business how your parents spend their money. They have their own reasons. You should have just accepted loans and worked your way through school like the rest of us do. Why kids these days think their parents are obligated to pay for expensive and totally unnecessary colleges boggles my mind. And then you proved their point by finding out that going to that expensive school was totally unnecessary. You should be apologizing to them because it turns out you were wrong and they were right!
"like the rest of us do" - First! You realize he DID take out student loans, right? And paid them off in a timely manner. Your education must have been pretty poor if you didn't even read that part. Second! He isn't saying his parents are obligated to pay for his expensive school, he's saying he wanted his parents to tell him the truth, sorry the difference is too confusing for you. Third! The fact you believe that last sentence you wrote? Shows you are possibly one of the dumbest humans on this page. There is nothing they were 'right' about.
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Dude stop being butt hurt and join the military. I was in same situation.
If only there was a 'laughing face' reaction on Bored Panda...because I have never seen a suggestion more laughable.
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Forgiveness is a virtue. You'll do well to honor parents by forgiving them--now you have knowledge--that's it.
Or disassociate yourself from them, and find better people to keep in your life and be a happy person. You can always do that too.
Load More Replies... Don’t forget that even if she lands a good job at a FAANG, she won’t be paid as much as her brother and won’t be able to pay off her student loans in a short time. Even at the same job, women are paid less than men. Companies hide this by claiming that salaries are confidential.
Actually, we have no right forcing our parents to pay for us either tuition fees or car. It is their own right. It is enough they brought us up from infant. Our parents are growing old, they themselves need to save for their old age. Let's say u have 4 kids. Don't tell me u expect your parents to pay all their tuition fees. One can not foresee the share or the economy. Your father was planning for his and his wife's retirement age specially medical insurance. What an ungrateful son.
if you have 4 kids and can afford tuition for 2 lets say than you dont pay full tuition for the first rwo. you divide the money equally to all 4 of them and give the same chance to everyone. they can still work part time to get tge full amount
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Parents really shouldn't have played favorites. However, there are so many people who can't afford college. Period. And the parents are right. Does he really want to go to a school that will put him in debt for decades when he can go to a state school that will give him a same results job wise. I feel like those overly expensive schools are more scams than anything. There is no point to going to them over a good state school.
But then why can't the sister go to state school as well?
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He pays for his loans. As he posted. You do also realize that generally the person these Bored Panda articles are about are not actually reading said Bored Panda articles, or writing them, right? Also! No one cares if 'you put yourself through school'. No one cares if 'many people don't have even close to that', it's not a f*****g comparison, it's his LIFE! Many people can't use the internet - so why do you use it to whine about nothing, to no one? Instead of being productive eh?
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Yes, he failed to try certain things, because he thought his parents were paying for his school...then they went WHOOPS!
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Ya, then when the son says "Why her and not me?" They could be adults, and say, "We didn't have the money then, and now do!" or "We think she needs more help than you because she's female!" not just "It's none of your business." - which is what egotistic, selfish children say.
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The real AH here is the American education system and the fact that you need to pay that much for an education in the first place.
Yea. Education should be free. We have No problems with it being free in Denmark... and we get paid to attend...
Load More Replies... Yep been there done that. Except I’m now doing my masters in public health and sibling flunked out of 3 degrees because entitled sibling never had to pay anything
same thing with my husband, they even tried to kick him out while we was in school and working to pay for it. His younger brother, 3 years university fully paid by parents, never finished, kept failing. works in the trades now, my husband works at that university.
Load More Replies... I learned from a young age that just because you share genetics with someone doesn't mean they're your family.
There are certain things that America does right, however when it comes to education and healthcare that's a completely different story...
You do realize that your education system, particularly university has been sold to young people as their golden opportunity to score big jobs and money. Universities have oversold their programs and in doing so increased the costs. Most university degrees are worthless but since Kindergarten, students and parents have been lied to this about universities. The result is that kids enroll in programs that produce worthless degrees but at a huge cost. By the government granting the student loans, more and more money pours into the university and they create more and more useless programs and positions (DIE anyone) Not turn to your health care - I live in Canada with our free medicine. Hardly - big taxes to pay for a mediocre system that is constantly under stress. In Canada NONE of the provinces have more ICU/per 100,00- residents than even the poorest state in the union, How is that? Wait times to get even minimal care for minor procedures completed can be up to 1 year .
Load More Replies... the parents are a-holes. there might have been a good reason for what they did, but they should have told him. communication is key.
In the UK student fees are capped by the government at 9,000 per year. Loans are available regardless of financial situation at government-capped interest rates. You don't start repayments unless you earn over a certain salary, and they also get written off entirely after 20 years. It's not a perfect system, but the reality is NOBODY would ever turn down a uni offer at our elite universities due to money concerns. A degree at Cambridge 'costs' you exactly the same as one at a low-ranking local school.
Welcome to the world of parents. My father promised us all a college education. Noped out of that one pretty fast. Showered my sister (who looked remarkably like his sister) with everything she wanted and some. It did not serve either of them well. Being forced to rely on myself early in life and learning that nothing in life is fair was the best thing my parents ever gave me
My parents did that too. It wasn't Ivy League, just a good private school. They waited til two weeks before school to tell me I couldn't go and i had to go to a crappy community school in town. I'd already registered, gotten a roommate, signed up for classes at the good school. I'm still bitter.
Now, that sucks. I hope they eventually have apologized for that business, especially with having to cancel plans. But, I cannot disparage the community college experience as it's valuable wherever you take it.
Load More Replies... I was the oldest child, and a straight-A student. My parents took for granted I'd get full academic scholarships... so much so that they never even researched college costs. Turns out, there aren't a lot of scholarships awarded just for getting good grades. I dropped out after 2 years because of the cost. A few years later my younger brother went to college, and my parents had a college fund set up for him. Maybe they had learned from my experience, or maybe they just knew he wasn't as good a student and didn't assume he'd get scholarships. I was furious at the time, but I ended up getting into an apprenticeship program for a skilled trade that pays a good living, and 30 years later it hardly matters. It sounds like the OP did fine for himself in his chosen field, but he's hung up on the unfairness of what he sees as favoritism. That bitterness is rarely productive. It's so much better to just get on with your life and focus on being successful with the resources you do have.
My grandparents did something similar with my father and his sisters (my aunts). They rejected him, denied any affection or support ever since he was a child, and refused to pay a dime for his education. So he had to take some handicraft courses and become a locksmith. He also had to get a job (at 15) and contribute to family's needs. Meanwhile, his sisters went to the university and received money for vacations, clothes and books. This left my father angry and bitter for the rest of his life. It's been over 20 years since my grandparents died, but my father never forgave them and it seems he is still stranded in that trauma...
Not to judge anyone here..but clearly OP is NTA. When it's a life choice, it falls on parents to come clear on why they can't afford it. They need to sort it out because given what happened it could be favouritism, or debt. Whatever the case, you have the right to know the reason for a closure even if it means 'we don't give an F about you' that he has to hear from them. It eases to make peace with oneself on the lost opportunity.
I've been in a situation like this; however, I am the only child. I had gotten accepted into college, despite the soul-deprecating s**t I had been through prior. My mother was supposed to give me the child support that remained for me to take care of myself for the first few semesters, but she essentially told me to go f**k myself. I told my father, he essentially stated the same. It all came as a surprise especially after the f**k-tards told me to pursue a career as a doctor or a lawyer, both of which require extensive education. I went to college, but I had to change plans because I had two parents that deserved a boot up their asses for barely doing the bare necessity. My father is dead, and, even from the grave, he managed to continue damaging our relationship. My mother and I have an estranged relationship more so now because she continued to be an asshat. So, I understand how frustrating it is to deal with parents that are crappy people to their offspring.
Feel your pain. You are not alone. Best revenge is to succeed and be happy in your own life. Sometimes not easy, I get that too.
Load More Replies... The poster isn't an Ahole, but without getting the full information from his parents, it's probably not as black and white as he thinks. For all he knows there may have been debts etc back in 2016 which meant they didn't have the money then, that are now paid off meaning they can afford to support the sister more. Also, a lot of the time when you get shares through an employer, part of the conditions are that you need to hold them for a minimum period before you can sell, usually years. If the dad only started working for companies like that in 2006, he possibly did not have many that he could sell in 2016 compared to now.
If that's the case then the parents shouldn't have a problem explaining that to their son. He was just looking for a reason.
Load More Replies... Wow. I mean, there's a clear favorite here and it's not OP. I'd be really ticked off too. And as a 43 yr old, I honestly don't think he's overreacting. They need to be honest with him and apologize and MAYBE they can patch their relationship back up. That's a heavy blow to a kid; to know your parents, who you've done everything right by, chose to pay for their other child instead of them. Don't show favoritism!!
All my life I was told my parents had a college fund for me. Spoiler alert, I paid for my own education and it took me over a decade to pay everything off and almost as soon as I did student loan forgiveness became a thing...
Oof I felt this one. I didn't have nearly the debt, but I had the same thing where my parents would tell me there was money for my college, when I was young and asked. Fast forward to me going to Community College, and they would give me angry looks for wanting to 'buy books for my classes'. Parents need to stop thinking lies are going to cover their shame - when they only magnify it.
Load More Replies... In Canada most people oh for their education as a rule, only super rich/ privileged kids get their tuition accounted for, then again, our "state" schools are literally the best because they're the only ones, the private schools have much less funding and a lot less popular
I WAS IN THE SAME SITUATION. MY MOM HAD ONE DAUGHTER AND 5 BOYS. SHE ALWAYS SPOILED THE DAUGHTER. WELL WHEN I WENT OFF TO COLLEGE I HAD TO TAKE OUT STUDENT LOANS AND AM NOW IN GREAT DEBT. MY MOM PAID FOR MY SISTERS EDUCATION AND ALSO PROVIDED HER WITH HORSES AS SHE WAS AN EQUESTRIAN. I HAD TO PURCHASE MY OWN CAR, WHICH THEY TOOK OUT A LOAN ON BUT DID NOT HAVE E CO SIGN THE LOAN, THUS GETTING SCREWED OUT OF BUILING MY CREDIT AT 17.. I PAID THE LOAN OFF IN SIX MONTHS. I WAS MADE TO WORK SINCE 11, MY SISTER NEVER HAD A JOB UNTIL SHE GRADUATED COLLEGE. SHE NOW HAS A WONDERFUL LIFE, HORSES AND LUXURY LIFE. I FORGAVE MY MOM, BUT SHE NEVER FORGAVE ME. I LOOK JUST LIKE MY DAD, SHE HATES THE SIGHT OF ME.
Turn off your caps man. You're not the only one with shitty parents.
Load More Replies... I went through the EXACT same situation. My parents bought my brother a new car, I'm now 38 and they have never made a large purchase such as a car for me. My parents paid for his wedding. I paid for my own. They paid for his college, I paid for my own. They STILL pay his phone bill (he's 35yrs old) and other various things but those are the big things. I never understood why they wouldn't do the same for me. My dad is a surgeon. Money isn't the issue. He's just always been the "golden child" idk but it hurts me. Still to this day.
No money for college, no offer of a car. I never expected it from them but my brother got a used car and when my younger sister turned 16 (I was out of the house already) she got a freshly minted car right off of the lot. They paid for her college as well. It depresses me to think about, but they’ve all since passed on except for my sis, and it wasn’t her fault so I have to put it behind me. I DID set up life on the opposite coast though, and only went back to visit for funerals, so it had its effect.
The parents should of never paid for one sibling and not the other to keep the peace. Even if they didn't want it to look like favoritism when they did it, it does. How do you choose between your children like that and not think there won't be any repercussions from your decision. I would of had the daughter take the same path as her brother did or she would of had to figure out how to pay for her own tuition at the ivy league school.
Some people here are really dumb, questioning why, as a 17 year old, he actually trusted his parents to ethically help with the financial paperwork and didn't realize they filled out some areas for him so he wouldn't realize they had more resources than they led him to believe. 17 year olds SHOULD be able to trust their parents. It isn't his fault they groomed him to trust them over his entire childhood.
My parents screwed me over inn the same fashion but ten years later paid my sisters who are twins tuitions. Neither graduated. Both found husbands...one who cheated on her while pregnant with a co worker and the other committed financial crimes while originating mortgages for Hispanic families. Nice. Good investment. Me? Put myself through nursing school after marrying a nice guy who had a small business and good work ethic. When my kids went into kindergarten I went into the nursing program at 32. Paid off my student loans 3 years ago. I was a 4.0 GPA so a lot was paid by grant and scholarship. They had the audacity to show up for my graduation!! Like they had ANYTHING to do with my educational struggles. The nerve. I had a therapist tell me to go " quid pro quo" with the family members I have. Lol. Give what you get in like fashion. Haven't spoken to any of them in almost 20 years and my son has not and will never meet any of them. Best gift I ever gave myself.
They would be dead to me. They 100% did a bait and switch. And treated you as less than compared to your sister. Even though you have an awesome career with the education you received it still matters that you didn't get to attend the Ivy League school you worked so hard for. You can't just act like that didn't happen. Your parents let you down big time. I'm sorry.
“Friend” came from a very traditional cultural background - one that had a tendency to favour the males over the females. In an attempt to reject that way of thinking Friend’s parents ended up favouring their daughter considerably - paid for her University degrees, her accomodation for 5 years while she studied medicine and supported her for another 2 years while she established her career. Friend had to do it all himself - he still lived with his parents but had to work around his studies to every have any money for anything else (sister never worked a day in her life until she finished her degree), while sister was given money for all her expenses plus extra for travelling. Friend’s parents genuinely never realised how inequitable things were - it was bizarre. I’m wondering if OP’s parents were trying to do the same thing? Make up for centuries of patriachy and mysogyngy by showering their daughter with favouritism?
(End of friend’s story was that sister came out as gay and the very traditionally minded parents just about disowned her…)
Load More Replies... If you are going to pay for one child's education, you should also pay for the others. He got into an Ivy league school which would of opened alot of doors, which now the sister will have instead. I wouldn't talk to my parents either if they did something that cruel.
Wow. I think the GF is off base when she says don't complain bc you're making good money. That has absolutely nothing to do with this issue of trust. To me, the parents definitely betrayed you. Now, how to forgive them for the Betrayal is the question. It makes me wonder what else your parents lie about? I don't think it matters why they lied. The bait and switch wasn't just deceptive, it was cruel. My kid went to & excelled at an Ivy League school, and there is no way to measure how much that meant to her. I keep reading that Being happy is all about being able to forgive all the AH people who have stabbed you in the back, treated you like dirt and smashed your dreams, which is what your parents did to you. So, I hope you're better at forgiveness than me, because bitterness is not a good thing. Just lower your expectations if possible because there's probably more that they're hiding. 1 that said, if you feel like cutting them off, I think it's absolutely Justified. Just be happy and okay with it.
Screw your parents. I cut mine out of my life for a similar reason and although they tried for years to guilt me I to contact...they died alone and I didn't even attend the funeral.
Well, a lot of people really do like their meony more than their children. It sucks, but at least there is no obligation for the OP to take care of them or help them when they grow old. In this case, I' guessind the sister was seen as the better investment. She owes them now, she'll nusre them when they are elderly.
At first, I was thinking the parents were concerned about him graduating with tons of student loan debt. Not sure what to think, or any the dad didn't cash in the stock you at least help pay for the tuition. The fact that the parents can't/won't explain suggests the reason may be less than loving and supportive, if not outright reprehensible. Perhaps Dad should cash in some stock and pay down, or pay off, OP's student loans. Parents should also hope that Sister is willing and able to.care for them in their old age. If not, they may find that payback's a b****.
Hi all ..son..you have worked hard and achieved the grsdes every parent wishes for thier children. Its unforgivable what they did with you .either there is strong reason which they dont want you to know or they simply sidelined you and favoured your sister. Yes very very painful situstions you went through you deserve an explanatiion from them .its absolutly fine you are not takling they too deserve the sufferrings you went through. The best uni does give you a head on in getting well paid jobs. Am a mother of 2 children currently getting in university sadly my husbnd lost job but we put all that we have and are paying for both same amount though my daughter is good in studies but not my son...still whatever is thier goal we will give them full monetary support nomatter how much we have to suffer. God bless you in your every step of life.
The parents were completely wrong and showing favoritism toward 1 child over the other. And the fact that they showed him the financial situation but told the daughter don't worry about money but the son their finances are none of his business and wonder why the son will no longer associate with them. Honestly if I were him I would not have anything to do with the parents or even the sister. Toxic is Toxic and I don't really care if they were his parents....nope....let that Toxic family go. Find a good job away from them in another state, block 🚫 all social media, get a new phone number and never look back. Those parents were completely wrong and cruel!!
My dad did the SAME thing. He didn't pay one cent of my college tuition. I'll be paying student loans off until I die, AND I always made dean's list. My baby sister got college paid for, an apartment, car, etc. I hope she takes great care of him when he's old, because I sure won't!!!
Ya a lot of these parents don't see it as an investment...when it's truly an investment - one that will determine whether or not they are cared for when they are dying. :)
Load More Replies... In this case, im OP. I am currently 18 y/o younger out of two other siblings. Last two siblings before me went to their respectively chosen colleagues, all expenses paid by my parents. Then, when it came to me... Well, I didn't even get to finish high school. I was a straight A+ student, until I had to start working around 14-ish, tried to keep up with school as best I could before I eventually got sick off the pressure and had to drop out. It was very clear I was depressed, and it was swiftly put under the rug. I only went to a professional after I developed insomnia and wasn't useful anymore, then as soon as I got better enough to work again, we dropped my therapist and I've never gone in years. I would pay it myself, but all my income goes straight to the house basic needs such as food and billing. I should make it clear, through all of this one of my siblings is still studying with all expenses paid by my parents and no working pressure.
...this is something that only time can heal...i feel the gentleman's circumstance...i was once in his shoes and over time i realize that healing is important for me to be able to pursue going on with life...i am now writing my grad sch thesis enjoying every step of the way...
Sounds familiar, same thing happened to my S.O. Hilarious since she got a degree in something useless, parents lost what they had for her to not have a job either while going to college and paying for her apartment and now she has a basic cubicle farm job.
It makes sense that when the younger kids reach adulthood, parents are usually financially better-off (finished paying off the mortgage, career/salary progression, inheritance from grandparents...). But you need to be transparent about it and try to make it up later on in your kids' life as much as you can.
Except he explained that his father was getting stock options and selling them paid for his sister's education. So his education could have been paid for the same way.
Load More Replies... My parents thought my older brother would take care of them in their old age - so they paid for his education. I joined the Army & used the GI Bill to pay for my own. Brother died in a car wreck 5 years after he graduated. That was 30 years ago. Guess who Mom & Dad are looking to now?
I left home as a minor and put myself through college. My parents never supported me in anything that I did, financially or otherwise. I'm fine. I raise my child in the USA (regrets) and made sure she got every single award, grant, financial aid, etc. available. She graduated with zero debt. She thanks me now, seeing her friends who, with obscene interest rates, will be paying off college debts into their 40s.
NTA. HOWEVER, your parents are two of the BIGGEST a**holes that I've heard of (in the paying for school thing, at least). But you know what? You certainly have the right to be furious over their lies, because I think this is where it hurts the most. They *lied* to you; which is worse than just not wanting to make money available for your education. You certainly have the right to choose not to not speak to them. If my parents did that to me (they didn't lift a finger to assist the two out of their five children who did go to University) I would have completely shut them out of my life. Ask your parents flat~out why they decided on their courses of action. If they blow you off, know that's the game they will play for the rest of their lives. Make sure your're good with your decision before you act and make it a clean break. NOTE: They will try to guilt trip/bribe/threaten along the way. Be sure to remind them that it's their actions caused this.
I totally believe this. My mom helped me in school, which im grateful for, but made it sound like i was ripping food from her mouth. Much later i discovered that was not the case
My guess, sounds like your parents are eager & willing to pay for your sister to attend an IVY type of school so that she may meet a IVY person to marry....but for you being their son they weren't as concerned about marriage options..sounds like your parents may have a very "old school" mindset about the reasons males/females attend college...(some old time thinkers feel a female only goes to college to "catch" a spouse, and they want your sister to "catch" an IVY leaguer.... Unfortunately, so sad
I don’t blame you for a second. When you handed them your laptop to insert their income etc they probably falsified it to make it seem they couldn’t afford it yet there’s no problem sending your sister. That is just wrong on so many levels. They hurt you badly,, not just because of the finances,,, they kept the lie up until your sister dropped them in it. I would continue to ignore their calls as they’re probably only calling to excuse themselves. Good luck in your future. You don’t owe them a damn thing.
Sounds familiar also. "Pass or fail, we can't..." I had zero clue about any financial aid And tried to pay ony own and had to drop out. Meanwhile, my parents fully paid for my sister's education and she doesn't work. I am now almost 52 and am finally getting that degree I should have gotten 30 years ago.
I feel for you! As a parent myself I try my hardest to be fair all around with my kids. So if one can't go be it to anything vacation, school, etc the other can't go either. I'm just a fair parent all around, no favoritism used here at all. Which is how all parents should be. But sad 2 say some parents play favorites a lot, it has its repercussions. I don't blame you for not wanting to speak to them any more.
You are doing right. They are toxic people and you need to cut them off from your life permanently and go your own way. Just because they share "genes" does not make them "family".
Parents should love and treat their children equally the same. Doesn't matter what race we are. This is 2022 not the dark ages. Some Parents are cruel and too strict because they can't seem to break the dark cycle from their past. If your parents bring you down then yes it's best to stay away from that negativeness right now. Your heart needs time. Anyway congratulations on all your hard work! Be proud and live to be happy!
How do you get accepted to Ivy League and not qualify for numerous scholarships? I did not even get in to Ivy League and I still got a full ride scholarship. There is a lot missing from this story.
let your sister know whats up. end things between you and your folks. Also end things with the Gf. She doesn't get it
Considering they still made him take out student loans, and his sister is getting it 100% paid for, his girlfriend's argument is invalid. He could be making even more with an Ivy degree, and have zero in student loans, which will be his sister's situation.
I grew up in a family that catered to the boys and us girls were a burden and disregarded at best. My brothers got cars and dental visits(seriously). Girls were expected to find men to marry. I went to school and forgave my parents for ME. I have sisters that are still very messed up. I felt this post . I quit school in last year due to expense and need to work. The USA SUCKS.
Some will use this article to argue for free college education. The real issue is who will pay for the education. In Denmark, huge taxes on the middle class enables this eucational benefit. In one Scandinavian couintry, the marginal tax rate on $35,000 income is 75%. Imagine the uproar if the U.S. tried to impose that tax system. BTW, the typical marginal tax rate in the US is effectively zero for 35K after dedcutions and credits.
This is not accurate. You can just look up the tax rates in Denmark. It's 8% for almost everyone, and you pay has high as 22% once you start making over half a million per year, yet you also don't need to pay for private health care deductions. So they're actually better off than most Americans. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taxation_in_Denmark#Municipal_&_National_income_tax
Load More Replies... His current position and financial situation are irrelevant, what his girlfriends problem. She should be more supportive of her boyfriend rather then his parents. There reply to him was clear enough, telling him their finances were none if his business. Disown them, you are not the ah. Dump the gf to.
I lived this too! Its so damaging and hurtful especially when the favoritism is so obvious. They constantly used, and still do, use gaslighting tactics by saying "I'm too sensitive" or "its all in my head." They also accused me of creating the sibling rivalry (to which a therapist had to educate them). I'm the only girl and the oldest child so I treated my little brother as if he were my baby. He saw how I was treated and eventually he followed suit. I don't speak to brother at all and haven't for 15+yrs and have an incredibly strained relationship with my mother especially. I can accept it if she just admits it but she refuses. I'm sorry to all those that have experienced this traumatic abuse.
Sorry to the brother, but it's been 6 years. Their financial situation could have changed. Hopefully, that's the case
I got accepted to a state school, and my parents flat out refused to help on the paperwork for money and said I wouldn't make it anyway. It kinda broke me and I never went to collage. I did better grade wise than my brothers, who both are getting free rides paid by my parents. Pretty sure they just hate me because my superm donar abused my mom and I have his name/look like him.
His parents lied and broke trust. I understand why he is hurt and I would not trust them going forward. However, life is short and never speaking to them again is a bridge to far for me. The parents should apologize.
You are definitely Sout East Asian OP. You don't have to forgive them just because you're doing well. I didn't know having money to live comfortably makes a person stop feeling betrayal.
Been on both sides of this debate. My father paid for private schools, unis, + everything else for my 3 siblings. I was raised by my mother so he refused to give me a dime (didn't even pay child support). Had to go in the military & use my GI Bill, but also have CPTSD from service. When I went to college while raising 3 kids, it only cost me less than $20k for 4 years (graduated in 2000). Raised 3 kids, including my oldest (single parent until she was 14), promising to pay college for her if she got As, thinking I could handle $20k-40k total. She was accepted by several prestigious first-tier schools and the STARTING costs were $35,000/year. No way I could afford it bc I was off work due to a debilitating heart condition. She was VERY angry. Never forgave me--even when, once I recovered, I offered to help pay off her student loans. She refused--mostly bc I think she'd rather be bitter. So I helped pay my son's college. I REALLY tried. Might be more here than meets the eye.
Also...I blame the American collegiate system. How the hell does it cost me $20,000 to get a degree and, 10 years later, my daughter twice that A YEAR to get hers??? I hate the educational system in this country.
Load More Replies... Ok now that the disclosure of culture comes in these old school parents are clever as heck. In a bad way if you ask an immigrant's daughter. They want to send her to Ivy to get not her MS or PHD but her MRS she is in prime breeding age. Two Ivys for the price of one. Hopefully your parents will find that girls rebel away from home. Maybe become too independent and not want to marry at all. So much for grandchildren. Hope they enjoy not having to pay for the sons wedding as per tradition. They really are lucky money parents.
My parents wanted me to become a doctor so for fulfilling their wish I did everything, I not even once in my life thought what I want to do. I swear I was always a brilliant student and a position holder in my classes but somehow couldn't manage to get admission in MBBS in a single attempt in 2019 so just for my parents sake I took a Gap year and worked hard day and night but next year in 2020 it was already a miserable year yet I failed again! I lost my pride my confidence everything. I took admission in pharmacy but my parents weren't satisfied so they pressured me to try one more time and I left my university just for their wish! On third attempt I got accepted in all top Private universities for MBBS however I am not getting admitted in any private uni. Guess why because of High fee structures my parents couldn't afford giving 12-15 lacs pr year. I have other 2 siblings as well and I always knew that we won't be able to afford that much fees still I was wasting time and life just f
His parents sounds like azzholes showing extreme favoritism toward the sister. He had to take out the max amount allowed and take on a bunch of debt. It sounds like they had the money to pay when he was accepted. They just lied and screwed him over. I wouldn't blame him if he cut ties with mom and dad. I knight in his position. They suck
It's honestly fairly common for parents to help out the younger children more often than the oldest, whether it's due to them being better off financially once the older children are gone or they've just always favored the youngest subconsciously. They may never say, but know you're not alone in situations like this whether it was education or purchasing something big.
Ya know, this brings up a good point. I didn't think about the fact it could just be his age, but as someone who is also the 'oldest sibling', I totally feel it.
Load More Replies... NTA especially in regards to the girlfriend's opinion, just because theres people less fortunate than you does not mean that you can't be upset
100% this! I am so sick of people trying to be like "Just be happy you graduated..." I mean, that's like telling a guy who just lost his right HAND, "Just be happy you are alive..." - as if he shouldn't be mad he lost the f*****g hand!?
Load More Replies... They are right. Their money is their business. But there is no excuse for them to have lied. I agree with the son.
I feel bad for you but I have to say yousound very entitled and winey. Maybe you should think less about what a victim you are and more about how your hard work got you a successful life.
But...why? Because he has a successful life and worked hard, he's now not allowed to complain? Do you get to decide who is actually allowed to complain? You sound whiny, and entitled, to think you get to determine such things. Maybe you should spend less time whining on Bored Panda, and more time educating yourself.
Load More Replies... Ha. Maybe the bragging rights of the first kid getting accepted, but not actually going, wasn't enough.
With your grades good enough to get in an Ivy League School, you had to borrow money to go to a State School? Nobody offered a full ride academic scholarship? It's been a while since my college years, maybe they want you to be an athlete as well. It sounds like you should have gotten a scholarship, the system sucks. I don't understand how parents can show differences in their children. I just have one,a 7 yr old,but I could never do that. Is it a cultural thing with giving more to daughters? Just trying to make any sense of it at all. Sorry that happened to you but sounds like you are doing great in spite of it all. Maybe one day you and your family can work through everything, good luck to you.
What the *uck? I be pissed too. And feeling like the redheaded stepchild
--sure some maybe didn't care but no one in there right mind is gonna play or flunk out of a education that they know it's indebting there parents! Everyone had the same possibility of failing regardless if they worked to pay there education or as so many ppl on here say the entitled sibling failed cause they didn't know the cost of failing we aren't all the same academically we all learn differently it's harder for some than others. My feeling had always been that if you really want something you'll find a way with or without your parents help and if your really so brilliant which you have to be to get into some of the top schools then you'll put in the work and get there early on it that's what you really aspire it's called scholarships they are hard to get but they exist and I've seen first hand that if you work hard enough you can get them and that alone can take a load off of expenses on yourself and your parents. Just my opinion.
I wish I had the energy to tell you how exactly the same my life with siblings turned out. I've come to the conclusion they were all jealous of my relationship with our dear mother, that being the only single sibling (gay) meant no children and enjoyed the fruits of a single persons life and opportunities. Only two of us went to college, and finished. I was the only one who said no thank you to their offer to help. It also meant that I was the only sibling prepared to take care of her as her caregiver those last 10 years. I had retired 20 years before any of them. Yet the hypocrisy displayed was horrific. My entire life I never went more than 8 months without physically being with her. They would go years without seeing her, calling or mailing a simple card a couple times a year. Or sending a gift and then asking her to take a picture of her plus gift. Not making that up. Mom never really liked any of the choices they made so I always knew first hand what she thought of them. And I kept that to myself. When she passed away they either ignored me or asked me to help with the financial expenses they'd fabricated. The outright self-indulgence of entitlement was simply astounding. Friends... they are the family you choose and for that I am truly blessed to have shared with those great people the memories mom and I had along with the ones that included them. You can never allow family members to disappoint you.
Not saying they were right but I think the parents judged that op could make it even at a small college. He would have been better off at the ivy league, though.
The stock market has had a rate of return of 13% per year for the last 5 years. It is possible that what they couldn't afford in 2016, they can afford now.
What they want to do with their money is up to them. However, it was downright cruel not to have been upfront with you in the beginning about what they could and would pay for when you were applying to schools. I had a similar situation, where my parents paid over and over for my brother to go, and he never graduated. I paid for most of my BA and all of my graduate degrees myself. My consolation is I would much rather be me than him, so if this is what made me, me, I think I got the better deal!
I don't know. getting you parents to pay for school seems like good enough to me. I would have love that...It feels little entitle to demand that your parents pay that bill. is your future and you are an adult..
But they didn't pay for it, nor did he ask for them to 'pay that bill'. Go read it again.
Load More Replies... Saw earlier that it may be tied to culture? + Consider this: In our "equal" Country. where its only nice Ideal-if inconvience by those on top don't like-can b completely ignored w blind enthusiasm till their "done". As a Female-plz, do your research in Income 4 both sexes & compare, notice large gap 4 same position in pay every yr. since women CAN compete. B4 that here-woman property of man most places.Look up yrs after divorce, & how long it takes for man to financ. recover-then woman. Look up all diseases that strike both sexes-yet women are diagnosed much later-due to not being taken seriously, & how much higher the % is for women 2 contract/die. # any female illnesses to men's w sexual organs. Almost every way possible-(exceptions of course) as a whole-a Truthful person can see it's a Man's world!! When u have daughter may see. Yet reason you're hurt-Is feel equal. Ur blessed. Be thankful & generous 2 your sister, & be happy, u have self-pride-no help! Rather be her? 🙂
Greedy parents. Keep them at arms length. Be cool to you sister. It's not her fault.
My in-laws did the same to my husband. There were 4 boys in the family. The oldest brother went to the U of M for 8 yrs. The 2 youngest brothers went to the most expensive college St. Olaf. So they paid 8 yrs of expensive tuition. My husband went to a community college for a 2 yr electronics degree, which cost thousands of dollars less than his brothers. They didn't give him 1dime towards school! His older brother took 8 yrs to get a 4 yr degree. Many yrs later, my ex sister in-law had words with them about how they didn't treat the boys all the same. She really let them have it about the s$$ty discrepancy in money for college. Unbeknownst to us, of course. One day they came for an unscheduled visit. During the visit they gave my husband $1000 because they didn't pay for his schooling. A $1000? 1semester at St. Olaf was 5xs that amount! At any rate, it was a bit of fun watching how uncomfortable they were when they handed him the check! 😁 That was the way they treated those boys.
The parents are a******s. One or both of the parents have issues toward males. I'm going to guess the dad. Sometimes there is envy or jealousy toward a child, it's disgusting but some parents can be like that. Didn't want you to go to the better college. Look at what used to be my family.. They help my sister. Shes the oldest with everything. Still are. She still has house that's worth a lot.. yet she won't pay back student loan though mom gives her hundreds each month right off the top. And has money in bank. They helped one brother with everything. We even worked on and repaired his rental. I helped.. Etc. Another brother was given car after car, etc. Helped with legal stuff, etc. My mom dotes on him as well. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. It boils down to what the parents want. Dad passed away some years ago. I'm trying to get divorce and I'm homeless. Dad's gone. One brother assaulted me. My mom hasn't talked to me since that day. Her favorite son can do no wrong.
Happened to me and my husband both. His parents paid for his favourite older (very entitled) sister and had him go at it on his own. His sister finished her degree and didn't even pursue it. My mother paid for my little brother's entire education, took out loans, paid his vacation needs, vehicle rental, a condo, etc... I got, help with a few books and a laptop. Which I am grateful, but he got to go to college fully paid for twice. I eventually had to drop out due to medical and financial issues and need to save up before I go back. My cousin's parents did this to him too. Both siblings were pretty upset about the unfairness. It’s a big mess that some parents pick favourites.
I'm guessing re the fafsa question at bottom that the parents lied about owning stock or he would have been disqualified. One of my friends has two parents who make a decent living and even though she lives by herself and her parents refused to contribute anything towards college was still denied as she's only 20. I didn't go to college until 29 but i would have had same problem, my mom wouldn't put a quarter in a meter for me but parent's income counts against me?! I have a much younger sister who was given everything i wasn't allowed to have. I was a straight A student who only got in usual teen trouble (curfew etc) as is she. I was not allowed a driver's license until i moved out, she had her driver's ed paid for and was gifted a (used) car at 16. I had to move out at 18 (gladly) and she lounged at their house til 23. I should probably eventually forgive them but going low/no contact with unsupportive family is freeing.
I'm wondering if they parents are banking on the sister being their care giver. This role tends to fall on the younger female siblings. In the long run they likely expect to gain more by investing in the sister.
Sometimes parents change. Sometimes they rationalise decisions. Sometimes the make mistakes, and sometimes they’re plain wrong. My oldest (full) brother, 2 elder (full) sisters and 1 younger (half) sister were quantifiably treated differently by our mum. The 3 oldest were raised before mum became a devout Jehovah’s Witness and the 2 sisters had already had kids. I was early teens, and the youngest was a Witness too. My oldest brother (full) and I were told if we had kids, not to ask for her help financially or with child care. She had already done her bit with the older sisters kids. In her will, the youngest got left the bigger slice, then the 2 older sisters, with me and my brother the least. Who did she turn to her last year of life when she was sick? Me, as the one with medical knowledge. I stepped up for a year to win her approval/ respect/ love(?). She died 9 years ago, and I am still angry. And I never got the chance to confront her. Op is lucky he did.
your parents wants your ugly dumb a*s sister to go to better school to get married to rich boy who knock her down because obv they worry because your sister is not as smart as you.
For some reason this does not surprise me in the least, I had a older sister and younger brother, my sister was the golden child, my brother was "the baby" and only boy, sooo I was the scapegoat and didn't realize it till my girls noticed how my parents and siblings treated me, I was so used to shitty treatment it just rolled off my back, when things became clear that's when the rage hit, now at my age I realize my mom was a very flawed woman, spoiled rotten by her GM then spoiled rotten by my dad. I was always closer to dad because I believe he loved all of us equally and NEVER pitted us against each other, my mom ALWAYS got both sis & bro to blame me for ANYTHING that wasn't going smoothly for my mother, so that's what they did, my sister disappeared 11 years ago(she passed away last October)and my brother has his life without me in it. Anyway, read up on family dynamics and especially Narcissistic parents and their children. Be prepared though, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.
Had a similar experience myself- sister was the golden child for years. Her boss at the law firm looked at me the day zi arrived to take her to lunch and said "I didn't know Diane had 2 kids." There wseveral pictures of her, but other one of me. She also liked to brag about putting us through school (usually the only time she acknowledged me) and I had replied one day "I have another sibling? Why did you keep THAT a secret?" At this point I was about 6 months away from a double mandatory worked full time plus had lab duties on campus. Then my sister married for money, and decided to ghost my parents. Suddenly I was the golden child, and she paid some ofmy grad school expenses. I was grateful, but my sister hd everything paid for when she was in school. Mom made an effort to balance the scales, and I have to give her credit there. Our relationship is still fractious, but I've grown up and am trying to move on. I do shut her down when she tries to talk about my sister though.
That is so sad for the young man but I wouldn’t blame him if he cut them out of his life. He should be proud of his achievements, let the anger go, forgive them (forgiveness is for you not the jerks of the world) and move forward. I remember how perplexed I was when I found out my dad didn’t have a plan for me and my sister’s university educations like all our friends’ parents did. I ended up doing most of my degree in night school and it took me 15 years. But knowing what I do now I should have just taken simple college courses and would have gotten a good paying job earlier instead of wasting my time in deadend places.
It seems to me that you got a lot better education than you think. You learned how to man up and take care of yourself instead of relying on someone else to do it for you. You should thank your parents for allowing you to learn to take care of yourself. In the long term you will be a lot better man, unless of course you are just a spoiled whiny baby. Grow up, Dude.
hmmm 6 years is a long time for stocks to increase, everything turned out well sounds like middle class problems, not a reason to throw away family
My parents told me they'd pay for my education. So I told my parents that I wanted to attend a specific UC school when I was a freshman and told them that I would be taking a number of college prep level courses (required by UC schools) to help my chances of getting in. They told me that "was nice" and for years I remember my mother bragging to people about me taking UC prep courses. Then as a senior I needed help applying to college and I told my Mom I wanted help applying to the UC school I had planned on attending. She straight up laughed in my face and said "LOL! You really think we have the money send you to a UC? Don't be so selfish." ....W....t....f. I remember being so confused and angry, like I completely understood if they couldn't afford it, but why let me go through all those UC prep courses KNOWING full well that you never had any intention of sending me? Ugh. Even so, I can't complain, because my father did pay for my state school tuition, so I'm still luckier than most.
Yeesh. My Arents told me that I would have to pay for college: they couldn't. I competed for scholarships, had them fill out FAFSA, took out loans, and worked 3 jobs simultaneously to afford school. I would never have expected them to pay for Greek dues, car, etc. I did without those and it worked just fine. I graduated Phi Beta Kappa, summa cum laude. It was worth it.
I have a hard time calling parents AHs even if they are. I wasn't really raise that way, but either way they paid for your college education? Idk why they made the choice they made, perhaps it's favoritism. My parents always had the narrative that I was the girl and I'd be fully supported by them as long as I wanted so I wouldn't have to feel obligated to be supported by another man, but my brothers were expected to support themselves right away at 18. My parents didn't pay for anyone's college though and I moved out and joined the military at 18 anyway. With that in mind maybe they were somewhat AH but I can't see not talking to them ever again after they paid for your education and now you're debt free and working. I think it's fine to be angry but if you let this go on long term then maybe ESH.
In our culture the kids pay for their own education , we do not expect for them to get that burden, we are just proud we get to be able to attend higher education. If they are not there would you drown in a cup of water yourself.
A friend told me of someone he knew well who had 2 sons and a daughter in school at the same time. When the Dad was struggling to pay, he opted to pay the daughter's fees at least. His thinking was the boys could rough it out better! He was bizarrely worried that his daughter might resort to getting money from men or in some questionable way. The parents here (in my thinking)were clearly way more confident of their son coping and anxious that the daughter may not do as well without their financial help. If so, they failed woefully to communicate and have ended up looking like playing favourites. This may not have been the intention as it sounds like they were proud of him, by asking his sister to look up to him. That said, I think the hard working son should have gotten some help from the parents nonetheless.
My parents always helped my siblings and never me when I was struggling. I was so angry for a long time. But I realized, based on some conversations and life examples, that they didn't help me because they thought that I was the child that could figure it out and my siblings were not nearly so capable. They acted this way because they had more faith in me to come out on the other end relatively unscathed. It's still wrong and totally unfair, but in a round about way they were telling me they were proud of me and had faith in my abilities.
If most of their assets we're held in stock options maybe the parents are in a better financial situation now because the value of FAANG companies have increased more than 200% over the last 5 years. It may have been true that their holdings would not have been enough to cover a HYPSM at the time but if they accumulated and held more shares over the years the value of their portfolio would have grown considerably since 2016.
Parents are probably in a better financial situation now because if most of their assets were in stock holdings the value of those shares have appreciated more than 200% over the last 5 years. So it may have been true that their holdings would not have been enough to cover the cost of a HYPSM but if they accumulated and held more stock options the value of their portfolio would have grown considerably since 2016.
So my kid got accepted into a very expensive Ivy League school to study astrophysics. She also applied to our local State school (Michigan) which was practically free by comparison. Both schools were ranked in the top 5 in the country in Astrophysics so I told her she had to go to our state school. Does that make be a bad father? She graduated as a triple major and got her masters one year later and now works at Google. Her IVY League degree would not have made any difference in how successful she became. The OP has a right to know why his parents didn’t or couldn’t pay but he got the degrees he wanted without the burdensome cost of a private school and he needs to be grateful for that. I think the OP should at least write his patents and tell them why he is so hurt and tell them without a reasonable explanation their relationship could be permanently damaged.
Heres some insight from New Zealands view. Everyone pays for their own education. It's not societal expectation for parents to pay for your education here. If they do decide to pay for your younger siblings education, it's understandable and we feel happy for our younger sibling. But thats how the culture is over here. Not entirely sure on American Education.
If your father's stock is part of a retirement account with his company, there's a penalty for receiving distributions from it prior to age 59 and 1/2 years old. The penalty and taxes imposed by the IRS for early distributions from retirement accounts can be quite extensive and could lead to loss of retirement funds needed for their future needs. The fact that you've succeeded without their financial support says a lot about your character and your parent's faith in your abilities. Their decision to help your sister implies they don't have any confidence in your sister to be able to survive without their support.
I got basically the same treatment. Sis got help, I didn't. But I can't say our family ever even seemed balanced or healthy, and apparently a lot of gender preference is a factor.
If your dad has had stocks worth hundreds of thousands of $, he must have been in a management position, but you said he didn't have enough to sponsor you tru a good university? That's hard to understand. Also, not all stock options can be cashed out immediately as they are dependant on the conditions set out by the issuing company in order to retain their staff. It could be by the time your sister was accepted into university, the options has matured for withdrawal. The other thing is, many your parents realised they had made a mistake and didn't want to repeat it again. The faster you can come to terms with what's happened, the faster you can move on. Don't let this burden you and the sky's limit no matter where you go from here, not where you came from.
Question of Mom & Dad: did your stock situation improve so much in 5 yrs you were able to go from no to all funding support? Or, is there male child success versus female child needs support bias going on here? And, I don't understand crying over acceptance letter - had you also applied for any scholarships or financial aid? Sometimes families need to lay it out in the open: me 1st born, great grades, 6th out of 257 grads, great scores, IQ at top 2%, knew our family was very upper middle-class, had ALWAYS been told I was indeed going to college. Me: understood meant they would pay for in-state university (Arizona has two highly rated public universities) & I should go for scholarships and tuition-waivers. Lots of unspoken conversation that was understood by all. My parents were spoiled. Now my brother one grade behind, valedictorian, perfect grades, genius level. Accepted to Harvard, MIT, and I don't remember which other top-tier schools, but not a single scholarship application.
Gotta love the people being like "But look at how cool I am!!" - no one cares.
Load More Replies... This is why you don't make student aid only available to kids of poor families. Rich parents perpetrate financial abuse like this.
Well, it sounds unfair but their situation might not be as good as present, even if his father has earnings even then,both of him and his sister were also studying at that time. He also should at least still be thankful that he was still able to earned a degree.
Why should he be 'thankful' he had to go into debt and receive less help, to go to a worse school? These things aren't mutually exclusive. He can be happy about his degree, but doesn't have to be 'thankful' he was f****d over?
Load More Replies... I believe if a Parent is going to do for one they should do it for all and not be selective and give excuses. Hold accountability.
Well. I am the product of an African immigrant and an American. I was raised in a above poverty level barely middle class family in the 80s and early 90s. I was accepted to and attended the top HBCU in the country and graduated as an engineer. You don't have the right to be angry at your parents. Systematic racism was and still is the biggest crosscurrent I have to cross in every aspect of my life. For once in your miserable parent hating life you should present yourself as grateful for the enormous cultural barriers your parents helped you pass.
Go f**k yourself, you entitled c**t. No one is talking about race here, and for you to try and turn this article that has nothing to do with it, or you, about yourself? Is f*****g narcissistic. You don't know anything about this guy or his parents besides what is presented, here, in this article. I love seeing ignorant people like you post about all their 'accomplishments' then use that as a reason they can s**t on this guy. You obviously have bad parents, and don't understand why this person is mad.
Load More Replies... I would never expect from my parents to pay for my higher education or a wedding. They did support me, which I'll be forever grateful for, but I cannot imagine me telling them- you have to do it. Sorry, but no. Welcome to the adulthood. But in this story, I feel sorry for the man that he wasn't treated equally with his lil sister.
He was lied to and gaslit by his parents who then favoured a sibling over him and his hard work. I point this out as apparently you either didn't read the story / read it with any care.
Load More Replies... Admit it or not, there is always a favorite child parents go out of their way to help. I'm an only child, but for years watched the difference made between cousins and friends. Watched as the left out struggle to make their parents proud. They are loved just don't get the help and attention the other do.
His father may have had options that hadn't vested or hit a strike price yet when he went. 5 years later it may have been different. Unless they open up nobody is going to be able to tell.
Even if this were true? He still had money. If he were in a job giving those kinds of options, his pay was good. If his life expenses were too high? He should have considered that when telling his son to aim for certain schools, as he was basically telling him 'Oh I'll pay for that.' Or perhaps considered he might not need a new car, and instead his son can go to school...
Load More Replies... Part 1 of 2 or 3 Hi Liedto,I have experience in this with my husband and our sons. First my husband graduated a year early with a 4.89 GPA at 17 he is amazingly bright. I've been with him since we were 15. His parents made him choice between his education and ME he chose me we were all ready together 3 years by this time. He did not speak to them for a year but did contact them when we were getting married and they did come back into his life. He was smart enough he makes 6 figures and has never needed a education other then highschool. But his parents did pay for his sister's schooling even though she was with a man 9 years older and that was okay. They bought her 3 cars she totalled the 1st 2. Then she got pregnant by the guy 9 years older he died while she was pregnant his family have her his house were doing everything for her and the baby's. The sister in low comes over and finds her in bed with the baby's fathers brother( HER HUSBAND AND FATHER OF HER 4 KIDS )
Part 2 so then his parents take her in until the kids were 5 she paid for nothing. They stopped treating my son the same it was like he wasn't around anymore. The way they treated her kids to our son was so apparent at 10 years old my son wrote his grandparents a letter :( I will say that my husband had times hear in there we did not see them a bit. Buy he never took them out of his life completely may of been me though I really think grandparents are important and wanted my son to know his. Now with our sons son # 1 born 1990 our Bio/son we lost our daughter in 1994. Fast forward 12.5 YEARS....Our adopted son comes home from Korea. When our 1st son was graduating highschool our second son was getting ready for kindergarten. Our oldest did start college and we were going to get a student loan and we would pay FOR ALL OF IT.. about 2 months in he decided he wanted to work full time at our local hospital and he didn't want to attend school right then. We asked him I really tried to push
Load More Replies... Reading this story and these comments of people not talking to their parents over finances is sad, and heartbreaking. Sure it sucks, your parents paid for your sister but not you. Get over it, you still got your degree, have a great career, and are living a good life. As someone who lost her father as a young adult, I had to work even harder to take care of my mother, and now she's gone too. One day you'll regret your decision as your parents won't be here forever.
Ya, it really does suck that some parents care about money more than their kids, right? Truly sucks. You also don't know anything about how these parents treated their kids beyond this one situation so please, take a seat.
Load More Replies... The key was that they said you'd get the same education at a state school for the major you chose, and they were proven right by your success in the field. They were probably willing to pay the extra if you'd chosen a major where you'd get a better education at an ivy league school, but since you chose the major you did, there was no need to cover that huge extra expense. It seems to me they were simply being logical and practical, which is more than appropriate to the situation. My situation was different & my parents clearly chose my sister over me, covering her 1st 2 years at least at an expensive school, where they wouldn't cover even one year of mine at a similar, the same, or even a much cheaper institution - same field of study!! I did find other means to attend State College, & ended up being arguably much more successful than my pampered sister, but never did I think of cutting off communications with my parents because of it. I'm glad I didn't. They're dead & I miss 'em.
Despite their "faults," They had their good sides, & they did manage to feed me, clothe me, and put a roof over my head until I came of age. After that, in this society, their obligation ended there, nest pas?
Load More Replies... You can forgive your parents for thier perceived slight or you can live in bitterness about it. The bottom line is that it was, is, and will be thier money that they can do as they please with. What if they left all of thier money to charity? Would you and your sister commiserate together and piss on thier gravestones? Be greatful instead of hateful.
Actually, you can be happy, but still not forgive your parents. These two things are not mutually exclusive. There is not some switch you are flicking...it's okay not to like people, especially when they aren't good people.
Load More Replies... If there is any gender gap, it's in favor of young women. There is clear data supporting this favoritism bias. And it's everywhere--They get everything handed to them--money, positions of advancement in school and work, raises, promotions, opportunities are endless. But they better enjoy it now and have a back up, because once their shelf life expires, society will throw them in the trash. Facts. I hate favoritism in any form. Now that is discrimination.
Does this kind of thing usually happen with the eldest child? My younger siblings got their first car bought, were always bailed out and even now still get bought better gifts at birthdays and xmas.
They never mentioned what she was going for. He did Mendon that a state school would be fine for his chosen field. You don't even need college to work for "FAANG" these days - you just test for the position. They don't care about anything but your ability to perform the job properly. I wouldn't be surprised if they'd hire you part time at 13/14 while still in high school of you has the skill and are legally allowed in your state! College IS a waste of time and money for many people these days!
He has the right idea, if your parents do s**t like that, then you have no reason to talk to them, ever.
Life isnt fair. My little bros got college paid for and I had to get a scholarship through my work, despite the fact I am clearly the smart one. Maybe it's because I have my own kid and I know how hard this paretning s**t is, but it doesn't bother me, and it shouldn't be worth shitting away your relationship with your parents. Be the bigger person, forgive them, and be happy for your sister. You will be happier for it in the long run.
This is horrible sentiment. Please, by all means, s**t away your relationship with your parents, if your parents are pieces of s**t. Just because they are related to you by blood doesn't mean you owe them anything. Why let people continue to make you miserable, when you can be happy without them? This line of thinking has never made sense to me, and I imagine it comes from sentiment based on movies and television.
Load More Replies... The problem with this article is that it's completely one sided you don't know both ends of the spectrum only what he claims. There could be many reasons why parents chose to pay for his sister education and not his that he isn't mentioning here! Maybe she was more applied at school than he was and took it seriously since her younger years maybe she always got better grades and was more involved academically and passionate about it. Maybe he wasn't maybe he never cared to much for school or got good grades or tried to excel maybe he had a tendency to start things become passionate about them and then quit mid project since early on and his parents caught on to that and are scared to risk getting indebted when he might quit or fail because lack of discipline or drive again these are possible reasons he isn't addressing here. Nothing is set in stone cause this article is geared towards making his parents look bad regardless of facts like they aren't paying it's not like they gave---
I understand wanting both perspectives, but first that is his main issue. He wants answers, an explanation! Secondly, yeah he totally got into an Ivy league school doing all that you proposed as an excuse... Please, there might be reasons, those are certainly not the ones. Getting into an Ivy is an exceptional achievement, that shows great academic potencial and remarkable work ethic!
Load More Replies... Sorry for the typos - that was voice to text Should have said " you didn't have to work to put yourself through school. Did they pay for your community college? That is still way luckier than a lot of people. Man, the sense of entitlement here is hard to overlook."
Happened to me as well. Older brother drops out of college and when it was MY turn, our parents declined to help at ALL. Citing "you'll just get married and never use it" and "your choice so you pay for it." I did just that. On loans and with struggles but I did it on my own. I don't resent them. They did what they thought was "right". It would have made an already stressful first generation college students life much less painful but in the end, it made me who I am today, resilient and self driven.
I'm not sure I believe part of it. I mean he got loans to pay for state school bit not for his school of choice? My boss is an Ivy Leager (Brown) he came from a very modest background. He paid his with loans. He's still paying them 20 years later but he is doing very well.
Perhaps he chose 'not being in debt the rest of his life', or perhaps the time to take said loans was past, as he had already been accepted. Generally applying for loans/scholarships comes BEFORE that.
Load More Replies... Looks like he still needs to grow up. Parents do not owe him his university cost and he should think about what he has done for them first before comparing himself with his own sister
He was lied to and gaslit by his parents who then favoured a sibling over him and his hard work. I point this out as apparently you either didn't read the story / read it with any care. What he was owed, by the way, was the truth and maybe even some basic respect.
Load More Replies... If he decides to estrange himself from his parents, how will his life be any better? It sounds as though he is hurt by his parents actions and is convinced this happened because his parents love his sister more than they love him. What if he opened up to his parents to tell them that he's hurt by how they've been treated differently and wants to understand why. It could be that his parents were very nervous in the beginning about how they would be able to pay for 8 years of college and did not want to promise him an experience that they couldn't finance. Then, when they looked again at finances when it was time for his sister to go to school they realized that they could afford it. He is still very privileged to have been able to attend a 4 year university and to have graduated and gotten a good paying job. I'm not convinced he'd be any better off having gone to an Ivy League school. It's a shame he couldn't go to his dream school, but I hope he can eventually let this go.
His parents estranged themselves from him. Unless, of course, you think being lied to and gaslit is acceptable.
Load More Replies... How about a young man who started working, earning and saving for his college at the age of 13 in the late 60's and achieved sufficient funds for 4 years of college at the age of 18 !! He began the enrollment process and his parents had withdrawn the entire amount from their sons savings. At least this person's parents are better than that.
One of the replies mentions bragging rights, would not be surprised if they are paying for the sister as they now need better bragging rights since someone else's kid either also got accepted, or is actually attending an Ivy league school, so accepted alone no longs cuts it.
Financial situations change, I'm not discussing my finances with my children aside from I can or can't afford said thing. My daughter got a 4 year free ride from state university and that's where she went. My son I would've helped him fill out the FAFSA but he would've paid his own loans like me. My older sister got her school paid for and never used the degree, I was told I would have to earn my own so I joined the military. Complaints I have them but I'm not going to throw a tantrum "I'll never talk to you" over this. Life goes on, we do what we must.
Did you lie to either of them in the course of this? His pain and anger isn't really about the money, it's being ruthlessly gaslit and treated with disrespect.
Load More Replies... Also Asian. Also the oldest (but daughter). They didn't give me a penny for school, but paid for 2 younger brothers and 1 younger sister to go to great schools. The youngest girl and boy also got assistance to go to Johns Hopkins after. 🤷🏽♀️
At first I thought the parents just didn't OP I'll graduate with tons on student loan debt. But, it seems odd Dad didn't cash some stock to pay at least some of the tuition etc. That the parents can't/won't explain suggests the reason is likely not loving/supporting or reasonable/justifiable. Perhaps Dad should sell some stock to pay off some, or all, of OP's loans. Parents better hope that Sister is willing and able to take care of them in their old age , on her own. Or they may learn that payback's a b****.
Please forgive your parents. They may have had a genuine reason that they can't tell you. thank God you turned out great. Just don't become that kind of parent and don't overindulge your kids either.
While I can see the point of parents being assholes for paying for his sister but not for his, I'm still a bit weirded out by this story. I grew up in a culture where university is unobtainable, expecting parents to pay for it at all strikes me the same way as expecting a mansion for your birthday.
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Load More Replies... Its possible that the stock shares either were tied up in some type of deferred compensation arrangement, were in options that hadnt matured (both common in rapid growth companies), or there was a serious tax consequence for selling at that time, which changed around the time the sister was ready to go. I would strongly suggest a reasonable conversation with parents before tearing your family apart.
First he and all that agree with him sounds like spoiled kids. Are you education is not a right. There is no law that says your parents has to sell a kidney for you to go to more school. It is THEIR money and they can spend it anyway they want. They kept you fed and housed and safe for 18 years. You got the education and got a great job and don't have to spend the next 30 years paying for it. If anything they put you in a better place by not letting you be a spoiled brat. By telling you no that this is the real world and you don't get everything you want. Grow up and get over it. How would you feel if one of your parents passed and you can never talk to them again? I know so many that wish they can talk to their parents one more time. In the past 2 years there are millions of families wishing one more time to talk to thier loved ones. GROW THE FRECK UP!!!!!
His father had hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars in savings. Investing the stock into his Son's Education is a great investment, he chose not to because...? I would rather sound like a spoiled kid, than sound like a robot who agrees to any mistreatment from anyone related to them. Also... "Are you education is not a right." - Sounds like someone didn't get a very good education.
Load More Replies... -- maybe he was a trouble child in highschool maybe he was known to get into fight suspended, expelled! It's not like we never knew kids like that in highschool who's parents would have to bail them out or sit down with the principal for a pardon and wonder how they are still allowed to attend school after doing what they did! I knew many and I'm sure those same kids from back then would expect a handout from their parents after embarrassing them liked that too!! He can still be an entitled son the only difference is this time he didn't get what he wanted and his sister did. Again so many possible reasons that we don't know why? But i do love how many ppl on here are so quick to point the finger and compare their lives to this story and so quick to point the finger at the sibling that did get what they wanted as entitled didn't have to work for anything and flunked out anyway cause it didn't cost them a thing so they don't care! First off that's narrow minded way to look at things---
What does any of this even MEAN!? Did you read this before you posted it? You're acting like he was some 'troubled teen' getting into trouble etc. well, sorry, but NEWS FLASH! Troubled teens don't get accepted into Ivy League Universities. He had to have fulfilled a long list of requirements, and some of those are 'not being a complete delinquent', as that kind of stuff IS tracked by schools. So people drew informed conclusions, based on the data he presented. You are just blatantly making s**t up. There is a BIG difference.
Load More Replies... Your girlfriend is right you're better off than 95% of people out there and yet your still complaining. What a sob story. Your parents don't OWE you anything. You can say you achieved your success on your own, but instead you complain about what someone DIDN'T give you. Be grateful you had a roof over your head and you were fed I didn't have to work to put yourself through school did they pay for your community college that still we luckier than a lot of people man is sense of entitlement here is hard to overlook. 99 percent of the world's population would love to have had the upbringing, and the opportunity in life that you have. Stop complaining about what you didn't get for free and start recognizing and enjoying what you do have. Health, wealth an opportunity.
Ahh yes, the Boot Licker who has to justify his own bad life. Welcome. Now, maybe you can explain how 'because he's got a decent life' he's not able to complain about the parts of it that are traumatic? Only you are able to complain about the bad things I guess? Or are you just the one who gets to choose who is allowed to complain? Because this situation, above? As much as you think it doesn't matter, will be a part of the rest of his life, and bother him, for it. There are several aspects you can likely never understand, so let me spell them out: - He was lied to by people he trusted - He was misled and coaxed to do something, for years, for a payout he could never reach - His sister was shown completely different treatment, hurting his self esteem even more If you can't understand how these things above, are bad, then you're just blatantly a moron. If you don't understand why he's complaining, and why people are sympathetic, you're blatantly an asshole.
Load More Replies... He was lied to and gaslit by his parents who then favoured a sibling over him and his hard work. I point this out as apparently you either didn't read the story / read it with any care.
Load More Replies... I think the OP completely missed the point and hold grudges over nothing. Basically when he were 18, I am sure his parents already had the "sister". It's logical that they had to plan their resources to be able to support both children. Jump forth to the present day, he went on to live his life and got a stable job, it gives his parents more rooms to support his sister with hopes of doing better than they did in the past. What happened if they went 100% broke on him, and he failed? Would he take care of his sister? I am sorry but this OP guy is disgusting to me. His story is sad but how he reacts towards his parent is disgusting. He should travels and see the world more.
Children are ungrateful. My father send my sister to study bellet in UK. Now, my father is old he tried to borrow money from her. U know what she said to my father? "U should be lending me the money and not vise versa. At your age you should be financially secure"
I think you meant 'People are awful' - bigger catch-all.
Load More Replies... Sounds like 1. you've never raised children yourself, 2. Turned out more than well with a solid career and income and without needing any college financial assistance from your parents, 3. See things black and white and from only your viewpoint, 4. Place more importance on financial and material things than on relationships with family, 5. Have some jealousy issues with your sister. I can understand why the situation peeved you (though I think there's likely more to it than you've revealed) but you don't seem to take much pride in being your own man, who became successful on his own. And unless you are a perfect human being then you've made mistakes. Do you ever consider that you may have made others angry or hurt others' feelings, or...over the years a d need people to forgive you also? It's easy to be angry and hold a grudge as long as we don't think too hard that we may need forgiveness ourselves. Anger, hate, resentment, all those negative feelings eat at a person's soul.
Wow. Just...wow. Can't believe this many idiots still exist, but here we are.
Load More Replies... NTA for sure. The dude has reasons to be angry, but the best thing is let it be. Just carry on with your life. Your parents is your sister's concern by now. Be angry, say them what you want to say, but after storm this out... Just let it be. Your parents will not be here for longer, life is short and you're a true winner who owes them nothing - you don't have to love them, but don't cut ties, it's too painful for both after some time, the sister included. I think they're ashamed enough, just accept their apologies and carry on!
How do you know what the parents or sister feel? I don't think family should constantly be given free passes for years of mistreatment. DNA is not an excuse to get away with abusive behavior. Knowing each other for a long time isn't a good reason to continue a garbage relationship. If they otherwise have no problems in the family, I can see working it out, but I wouldn't be surprised if this is a "last straw" situation.
Load More Replies... The USA's education-system is a fúcking shame for the real 1st world countries. Remember the show, Gilmore Girls? Even for high-school one have to pay, and it's not enough the pupils' skills. With that said, I cut my family-ties for less, than this. So, the original OP is right, in my opinion.
Have you taken into consideration, that your parents financial situation may have chanced enough, that they can do now, what they were unable to do then?
It is usually the girl who gets pulled out of school as soon as legal, the the boys who get the expensive and good education :-(
I dont understand he said himself that his parents couldnt afford it when he had that opportunity and now 6 years later when his sister has the same opportunity he missed because of his parents finances that agian he himself said they couldnt afford at that time are now able to afford it be it for them learning their lesson and starting to save up or them having one less mouth to feed letting them save more as given what he said it seems highly likely this is the case in this situation and instead of being happy for his sister and grateful that his parents didnt make her miss this opportunity like they did him he is hateful and offended that they didnt do to her that they did to him and i cant describe that other then being childish and throwing a tantrum p.s. im not saying there isnt shitty parents out there but from what this guy said and this article this doesnt seem to be the case in this situation
So i dont understand why he is so upset. He says himself that his parents couldnt afford it and his parents even let him see for himself. 6 years later when his sister has the same opportunity he missed because of his parents finances and his parents are now able to afford it. instead of being thankful that his parents learned their lesson and started saving up so that situation doesnt happen agian instead gets upset that his parents didnt take the opportunity away from her just to spare her brothers feeling. This just seems like a kid throwing a tantrum honestly.
He is bitching about having to pay for school. My mom refused to allow me to go to college because it would end her check. But she also didn't want me living at home. I was 17.
This is called "female privilege" because you know....women are strong and independent and equal an need NO MAN. ..unless it's daddy who's paying for her tuition 😉 I know how it feels...i grew up in feminazi family were men are considered morons and women are smart intelligent angels who are always right. 😉 Ive cut ties with all of them. To much toxicity. Time comes and they will be their own retribution. Devil always takes his toll.
He received the education. He wanted to bankrupt his parents for bragging. People love to go to the most expensive schools, then cry loan forgiveness. Education is expensive, but attainable, you do not need to go to Harvard, Rutgers alumni have achieved extraordinary accomplishments. He's mad because he didn't have to pay it. They even offered to help pay off his student loan.
I say forgive them, they are your parents. You just continue to grow as a person and learn from them, and if you are pissed off about what happened make sure you don't do it to your kids... Peace, Love, and let it go... I'm sure they would love you either way.. Be the best representation of yourself, and continue the success and journey of the life you want...
All of you are morons! Got my BS in the Phil before migrating in America in my late 30’s, worked continuously for 24 yrs, retired at 62 with a $1M retirement IRA, now living the American dream.
Your point? Not everyone gets Privileged White Male opportunities.
Load More Replies... I don’t know. There are holes here. As people stated why weren’t other options considered for attendance at the IVY school??? There are options, financial aid. WORKING. This is typical Gen Z entitled brat. I don’t know why people assume their parents owe them to pave the road of life with every asset and dollar they have. I’m sure it hurts feelings, but never speaking again to your family over money? That’s so disgusting. Entitled and greedy. This person could have sought out financial aid, loans and/or work through school. He also claims he did get loans but his parents filled out the paperwork?? Even the opening of this post has a tone of entitlement with passive aggressive complaining that his parents ‘made’ him do well in school. Whatever the context, those habits and grades still landed him a good job and financial security to stand on his own feet and be more well off than a lot of people his age (his words). This person needs to grow up.
None of what you wrote is even relevant. The issue is that his parents lied to him, gaslit him and favored his sister.
Load More Replies... "Jacob have I loved, but Esau I have hated."....So, what I'm trying to say is: The oldest child has been getting the short end of the stick literally since the beginning of time. That being said I am proud of you for taking a stand. They may never respect you or validate you. But that's okay, you're a badass all on your own accomplishments.
Just accept that life is unfair and move on. They did not pay for your fancy education but they still paid for your education. I had to pay for mine and defer university enrolment because I didn't have the money to jump right into it after my diploma. Which I also paid for myself. My father told me point blank he had no money for me and even if we had it's for my younger siblings education, not mine. Have I forgiven him? Maybe. Will I ever forget? No. Do I speak to him? Only on a needs basis. Do either do us care? Not really.
You obviously care, and obvious didn't forgive him. So...you wouldn't be here if you, like the OP, didn't still hold a grudge.
Load More Replies... Are you all serious? What a whiny "kid"...so his parents couldn't afford his education at the time, but they can help his sister, what a selfish young man. Be happy that your sister can go now and newsflash your parents never have to help you pay for school if they don't want to. You are an adult. You want something, you find a means to obtain it. This is NOT something to disown your parents over. I'm surprised by the comments. You could have applied for financial aid, worked another job to pay off your loans, you can't just coast through life waiting that your parents support you. This is the natural transition from going from child to adult. Experience: I paid my way through Masters.
You, my friend, are a f*****g idiot. I sincerely hope you aren't a parent. Maybe you missed the part where most of the wrongdoing in question happened when he was 17? IE not quite an adult? You also realize, he isn't disowning them because of the lack of payment, right? It's the lying, and the misleading, that he's mad about. Even an idiot can understand that your parents lying to you/misleading you about serious matters is serious, right? Do you think all parents are owed love and respect despite their behavior? I bet you doooooo!
Load More Replies... Your parents don't owe you a college education, I can see why they chose to help your sister. You probably always sounded like a piss ant.
Accept it and move on. You’ll either succeed in life or see yourself as a victim and fail. That’s your choice
You know, there are more than two options here, right? People love making things generic and simple, don't they? He can still succeed in life, and hate his parents. These things are not mutually exclusive.
Load More Replies... I think this is actually not about favoritism but about sexism. He doesn't say anything about his mom working. My bet is they think it's important for his sister to meet and marry a wealthy Ivy League boy, and that's why they are spending the money on her education. They want her to be able to be a wealthy wife who attends benefits and raises the kids.
Wow! Only a crazed left winger could somehow "see" sexism, or racism, in this story. I feel so bad for you..and your husband. You must be a very self deceived, sad person/victim.
Load More Replies... So let me get this straight. You are not going to talk to your parents ever again because they would not pay for your educatiion even though it sounds like you grew up in a good home and probably never went hungry. Your education is your responsibility to pay for. I'll never understand why people think it's their parents burden. Wow you are so entitled. Thank your lucky stars you were able to go at all.
In MY case, I wasn't upset because my dad didn't pay for college. It hurt me that he paid for my sister's, but not mine. My siblings and I came from his first wife, and this sister came from wife #3. We were made to feel like puppies who grew up & were no longer cute. She was spoiled rotten to say the least. I told my own children from the day they were born that I would be paying student loans until my death, so they had to get scholarships. I would never pay for one and not the other.
Load More Replies... First of all, we don't even know if this person is telling the true. Second, there is no law saying ones parents are financially responsible for making sure they get an education beyond 18 years old, which is when most people become ADULTS. Third, this person sounds like an ungrateful little brat. He has a Masters degree and works at a global tech company. Yet he's still crying. No wonder his parents didn't pay for his college. His sister is probably more appreciative.
This guy is spoiled. Parents have the right to spend their money in whatever they prefere. They probably had very difficult situations during life and have the right to enjoy a little. The incapacity of beliving in his parables is also absurd. If they said they can't, that's it. Be greatful for all the education they gave you. Oh, these spoiled north american man... They have everything and keeping turning themselves after the ones that care them most.
Ya...they have everything. Such as greedy parents, who don't care about them! Only their own, personal status.
Load More Replies... He "Did all the work" yet didn't think to apply for grants or scholarships, if his grades were that good he should have been able to get basically a full ride not to mention all the extracurricular activities he mentions he was in that all have scholarship opportunities, ill take things that never happened for 500 alex
Am I the only one who thinks that parents don't have to pay for the kid's college?
But they paid for his sisters, thats the thing, also parents in opinion should. They brought him into this world and yet they arent paying for his education? Its one thing if they cant, but they could when his sister wanted to.
Load More Replies... As partner with an Asian man, I think I can comment about the mindset. I suspect your folks are either first- or second-generation and wanted to ensure you have the 'right' stuff to succeed in the USA. As eldest son, and as an Asian man, you probably were pretty serious about life for a long time, and they wanted to make sure that when you were 'sprung' free from their 'control' you could carry on by yourself. I bet, if you went on for a doctorate they'll support you in further endeavors. As for a younger sibling, especially a woman, she's got several things going for her. She is a female and notably supposedly more mature at an earlier age. She's managed to make the bar you set. She has to recognize the difference in the post-secondary opportunity offered by the folks to her, and I would venture that the present angst felt is temporary if you realize the product i.e. a college education, is of comparable value whether attendance at a name-brand, or not. You'll see when you have kids.
Why do parents have to pay for their children anyway? Have your kids take out loans or get a free education at community College.
they made this agreement long ago cuz money was & is tight. Sis just showed more promise.🤣🤣🤣🤣
He kinda is the AH. I myself paid for my own college degree because at that time my mom couldn't afford to send me to college. By the time my younger sister was old enough to go to college my moms financial situation was way better and my sister was able to go to a nationally known university that my mom paid for. I was never upset and it didn't stop me from getting to where I wanted to be. My mother gave me the same love, care, and support when I was growing up as she did my sister so why should I be mad. It's just timing. He's not even taking to account his sisters feelings, this could make a joyful time in her life a guilty one because her future caused a rift in the family. Quit the tantrum, it's not like your family treated you like the whipping boy and left you to fend for yourself. Time passed, their situation improved...man up congratulate your sister and hug your parents, they couldn't give you Harvard but they did try.
I don't think the issue was that they did not pay for his tuition. I think it was lack of communication and unwillingness to discuss why they would/could not pay.
Load More Replies... Iwas also a working student, studied in a Public School until I got tired and I didn't finished my college because I couldn't afford the expenses anymore. I've got no Parents or Siblings to lean on. I understand the feeling of this Man being descriminated by his parents. But Family are still a Family. Better to live a life with love from them.
But...they are obviously showing their 'love' isn't quite what he thought it was. You understand that, right?
Load More Replies... GOOOOSH, what a dumb story. It's none of your business how your parents spend their money. They have their own reasons. You should have just accepted loans and worked your way through school like the rest of us do. Why kids these days think their parents are obligated to pay for expensive and totally unnecessary colleges boggles my mind. And then you proved their point by finding out that going to that expensive school was totally unnecessary. You should be apologizing to them because it turns out you were wrong and they were right!
"like the rest of us do" - First! You realize he DID take out student loans, right? And paid them off in a timely manner. Your education must have been pretty poor if you didn't even read that part. Second! He isn't saying his parents are obligated to pay for his expensive school, he's saying he wanted his parents to tell him the truth, sorry the difference is too confusing for you. Third! The fact you believe that last sentence you wrote? Shows you are possibly one of the dumbest humans on this page. There is nothing they were 'right' about.
Load More Replies... Dude stop being butt hurt and join the military. I was in same situation.
If only there was a 'laughing face' reaction on Bored Panda...because I have never seen a suggestion more laughable.
Load More Replies... Forgiveness is a virtue. You'll do well to honor parents by forgiving them--now you have knowledge--that's it.
Or disassociate yourself from them, and find better people to keep in your life and be a happy person. You can always do that too.
Load More Replies... Don’t forget that even if she lands a good job at a FAANG, she won’t be paid as much as her brother and won’t be able to pay off her student loans in a short time. Even at the same job, women are paid less than men. Companies hide this by claiming that salaries are confidential.
Actually, we have no right forcing our parents to pay for us either tuition fees or car. It is their own right. It is enough they brought us up from infant. Our parents are growing old, they themselves need to save for their old age. Let's say u have 4 kids. Don't tell me u expect your parents to pay all their tuition fees. One can not foresee the share or the economy. Your father was planning for his and his wife's retirement age specially medical insurance. What an ungrateful son.
if you have 4 kids and can afford tuition for 2 lets say than you dont pay full tuition for the first rwo. you divide the money equally to all 4 of them and give the same chance to everyone. they can still work part time to get tge full amount
Load More Replies... Parents really shouldn't have played favorites. However, there are so many people who can't afford college. Period. And the parents are right. Does he really want to go to a school that will put him in debt for decades when he can go to a state school that will give him a same results job wise. I feel like those overly expensive schools are more scams than anything. There is no point to going to them over a good state school.
But then why can't the sister go to state school as well?
Load More Replies... He pays for his loans. As he posted. You do also realize that generally the person these Bored Panda articles are about are not actually reading said Bored Panda articles, or writing them, right? Also! No one cares if 'you put yourself through school'. No one cares if 'many people don't have even close to that', it's not a f*****g comparison, it's his LIFE! Many people can't use the internet - so why do you use it to whine about nothing, to no one? Instead of being productive eh?
Load More Replies... Yes, he failed to try certain things, because he thought his parents were paying for his school...then they went WHOOPS!
Load More Replies... Ya, then when the son says "Why her and not me?" They could be adults, and say, "We didn't have the money then, and now do!" or "We think she needs more help than you because she's female!" not just "It's none of your business." - which is what egotistic, selfish children say.
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