Woman Points At The Kitchen When Her MIL Asks “Where Is Our Dinner?” As She’s Busy Taking Care Of Her Injured Husband, Gets Called Out For It
They say you can’t choose your family. But it’s still one of the most important things in a person’s life. There are all kinds of families and the greatest thing is that they are there through thick and thin. And every family lives through a conflict. It doesn’t matter if it’s a casual argument or heated fight, what matters the most is the way how it is handled. Sometimes the best thing to solve a certain problem is to reflect on what was said and ask for advice.
Reddit user Question-56735 asked other users online whether she was right for not apologizing to her mother-in-law after they had a fight. The story starts with the user stating that her husband got in an accident and had to be intensively taken care of at home.
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Image credits: Paul Schultz
His side of the family also decided to help the woman in this situation. So, his mother and his brother, along with the rest of the family, became frequent guests at their home. The Reddit user also revealed that she is 4 months pregnant, so it’s only natural to assume that she really needs all the help she can get.
This Reddit user asked people online whether she was right for not making dinner for her MIL after taking care of her husband
Image credits: Question-56735
However, the woman reveals that once her MIL and BIL with his family come over, all they do is sit and do nothing helpful while she takes care of the husband and the house. The conflict escalated further after MIL asked her “Hey where’s our dinner?” after she was running back and forth, taking care of her husband. The woman told her to go and help herself out as she just doesn’t have the capacity to do it all.
While the wife was taking care of her husband and their home, her MIL was “helping” by sitting in the living room
Image credits: Question-56735
After the heated argument, the wife asked them all to leave. Now she wonders if she was wrong for not making dinner for her husband’s family and avoiding this conflict. A lot of users online agreed that she was right for standing up for herself and asking them to leave. It was also pointed out that since her husband’s mother is not much of a help, she should suspend her from coming over whenever she wants and have “visiting hours” instead.
What do you think about this situation? Leave your thoughts in the comments down below!
The wife asked others online if she was right for snapping at her MIL
People in the comments were shocked by MIL’s behavior and advised the wife not to let in such “guests” anymore
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Honestly, the in-laws should be *bringing* dinner, not demanding dinner... A casserole for the oven and one for the freezer.
Everyone I know reacts to situations like this by saying "How can I help", and trying to help and generally doing it wrong and getting in the way, NOT by expecting to be treated as honored guests as if things were normal. So really, when the husband's family said they were coming over, I'd expect them to act that way because IMHO that's how family acts in a crisis... and I'd politely ask them to bring food and assign them tasks like laundry and cooking dinner. Of course I'd offend the f**k out of that MIL, but maybe the other in-laws would get with the program.
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I live in the South, I have been here my whole life and I have never encountered a MIL like this. When my husband was hurt we had neighbors and family constantly dropping off food for us so we didn't have to worry about it while he recovered. When my sister was hurt on the job, she a paramedic, the firefighters and other ems would send her food and money so she could recover. When my elderly neighbor had hip surgery I made her breakfast and dinner and my husband mowed her lawn. My grandmother had her cakes. This is not Southern behavior and that MIL should be ashamed. Anytime my mother comes over I have to kick her out of my kitchen and force her to be guest in my home because she doesn't know how not to feed people.
My former mother-in-law, in Virginia, showed up 45 minutes early for family party - 10 days after the wedding. With a cheerful malicious stare she told me she wanted to catch me in a panic, see how poorly I was doing, and make things more difficult. My ex was horrified. My former Texas in-laws, different marriage, visited us in Colorado. They were there for several days, my ex and I had to work during their visit. dinner the first night, the floor under the table was a wreak -- it was a messy dinner. It needed to be vacuumed or it would be ground into the rug. Apologizing first, I vacuumed the area. 5 minutes max. I never heard the end of it. I was the rudest person on the face of the earth. If I left the mess and watched it be ground into the carpet what would she have said? These were simply unkind women. There are dreadful mother-in-laws world wide, not just in one geographic location.
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Yep, change the locks, don't let them in. Gently inform hub of the changes, the BOTH OF YOU need rest, and they were only piling it on, not helping out at all. When HE is well enough to entertain them, HE can invite them, but remember you are his partner, not their maid!
I need to start telling my MIL every day how much I appreciate her! If this were me my MIL would be coming over to help out...who tf goes over to a home with a sick son and a pregnant daughter in law and expects to be waiting on?! Even if you are an invited guest it's just common courtesy to offer to help...ask if there's anything you can do etc.
Why aren't the in-laws bringing HER food when they come over?? I don't get it them at all.
Upon their arrival, you could have divided up jobs and chores, to be done, amongst them. That would have for sure made them leave in a hurry.
Hahahahaha put up a list with tasks and names and if you did your task well, you get a 😀, but if you didn't do your task or didn't do it well enough, you get a ☹. A girl in a house with students did that.
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the woman is f***ing PREGNAT! - she has to... - Wok so they have money to survive (a pandemic!) - while being pregnant - go groceries shopping for a whole extended family - while being pregnant - clean the house and do laundry multiple times a day - while being pregnant - cook and clean for her Husband, herself and lazy ass family members - while being pregnant - clean after their mess - while being pregnant - entertain an entitled family and not leash out or get angry because it's "disrespectful and agressive" i am sorry but wtf? when you are pregnant you should be spoiled and get all the help you can from your family members and friends... instead she gets stress and more stress to deal with. she even has to fear for her husbands and babies life and all the family in law can do is yell at her because she didn't cook? she should be more concerned about eating more and healthy. a sandwich and a yoghurt are just not enough for a pregnant woman.
They aren't "guests" if they're coming over unannounced every day and sit around expecting to be waited on hand and foot. If they're really there to support the injured family member, they should be doing everything they can to help out, do laundry, bring food, offer to take over keeping an eye on the sick person while the primary care person takes a shower, etc. Jeez.
If you are a sick bed visit, you always leave the house a bit tidier/cleaner/better stocked and never ever cause more chores/mess/trouble. Kick them out and only allow them in twice a week for half an hour visit time...and not one second to park their asses on your sofa.
JuJu, I know, right?! It sounded to me like they popped by the poor husband for a few moments - then assparked and waited to be fed. Oh he11 NO!!! What was their behaviour before? I'm assuming much the same, frequent dropins at dinnertime, wearing out the furniture and rugs, using up the toilet paper, and more. I hope that wife posts a note on the LOCKED door; "Visiting Hours; 1:00 pm - 1:30 pm, Tue/Thur only." AND IGNORE THE BANGING.
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As odd as it may seem, it wouldn't surprise me if this post is not 100% real. I have had 2 mother in laws, one was an angel. The last one, would do, and has done some crazy s**t just like this-stuff that doesn't make sense, stuff so nutty it sounds like I made it up. And I live in the south as well. For example- I used to clean her house for her every Sunday. Like, scrub the shower, toilet, deck scrub the baseboards in every room. I wanted to do this, and ask her if this was ok. She shrugged her shoulders and said, " I guess." Later on, she just stopped talking to me. Ignoring me. Giving me short answers when she had to. One day, FIL sits me down to tell me that MIL says I am too noisy on Sundays, and Sunday is quiet day, and I needed to apologize to her. Speechless. I didn't apologize. I stopped cleaning altogether. Never spoke a word to her about it. Then she complained to FIL, again, who came to me, about" I have never offered to help her around the house."-the mild stuff she did.
*OOPS...I meant that this post, IS in fact, %100 REAL. It didn't seem to read correctly, to me. Sorry!
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"Sorry, I'm not up for entertaining visitors while my husband is so sick. You can come visit when he's well again."
Had you stopped caring for your husband and cooked she would have shamed you for that. Nothing would have pleased your Karen mil. I would have kicked her out too.
This is insane. Someone in my family gets a cold and the family steps up, cleans the house, cooks food, drops off groceries, run errands. Family helps each other. If you are not actively helping this woman and her husband, GTFO.
Gosh...she doesn't this. She's busy enough without having to cook for the silly MIL. Bad enough MIL is really rude, worse that she expects everything to be served on a silver platter
I thought that as a southern family is suppose to help each other. But these inlaws are not true southerners. My mom's side is of the mindset that if your wrong we'll tell ya straight up. Good on her for sticking up to the moochers.
Not only southeners. Everybody. If you have a great, healthy, and loving family, it should always come first.
Load More Replies... I live in the states, in the south too and I'd be telling them help or leave. The audacity of some people. I want to know why the husband and brother in law weren't expected to help either.
NTA. You need to set boundries with these people. Explain gently to them all that you are pregant, nursing your husband, and struggling to keep up with housework and errands. You are busy, frantic, and stressed. You are not receiving guests right now. Either they are there to help, and will do chores, prepare food, take on nursing your husband, etc, or they are there to see your husband. In the latter case, visiting hours are from 2 to 4pm (or whatever works for you) they will stay in the room with him for the duration of their visit, no food or entertainment will be provided, and they pick up after themselves.
They won't understand gentle explanations and they won't help. She needs to just not let them in. She's got enough stress in her life already.
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Firstly, it seems strange that the husband's family can't be bothered to help to take care of their own sick son/brother, but ok. Even if we pretend they are just some random-ass guests, their behaviour is still unacceptable: if you are visiting uninvited, you don;t get to demand dinner(or anything else for this matter). And if you show up at somebody's house and see that the owner has more important matters to attend to, any reasonable person would figure that now it's probably not the best time for a dinner party and leave.
If they come in, visit their son/brother, who should have limited visits anyway, then whatever, but just hanging around all day and night, that's f*****g rude and they are just deadbeats.
Let me get one thing straight, a person who calls themself a guest asked "Where's our dinner?" The concept of this actually happening is making me dizzy
In my book, "guest" are friends, acquaintances, neighbors... these idiots are the husband's FAMILY. At least a few of them are BLOOD RELATED. What was the purpose of them showing up then? If they are truly concerned about the husband's well being, then help out caring for him! I have no idea the purpose of them showing up at the house other then being trouble makers. I have a feeling even if you ask them not to come, they will show up at the door and cause a scene. If I was the wife, I'd ask my family to help keep them out of the house until they act somewhat civil. The wife, also pregnant, doesn't need this kind of stress as this situation is totally bad for her, her husband and her unborn child. I really hope that these idiots will come to sense to just go away.
I feel this occasion was the last straw for OP. I would have done the same. On the other hand, none of my in-laws would have behaved like this. EP or what?!
When my in-laws wanted to emigrate to our country, I was willing to house them short term until they found their own place. They never paid for or contributed anything, and refused to look for a new home. I was 11 weeks pregnant when my daughter was hospitalised and diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. That first night in the hospital I started bleeding and suffered a miscarriage, while watching my daughter fighting for her life. Husband was at home,, didn't see us until the next day when our daughter was put onto a ventilator and transported to the Amsterdam University hospital and admitted to the pediatric ICU. She was discharged the day before her 6th birthday. I'd lost our second child, I was shattered, and we came home to a house in chaos. No-one had cleaned, done laundry, loaded the dishwasher, done ANYTHING. I was so angry that I gave my husband an ultimatum: either his parents get out, or my daughter and I leave. I'd put up with their hellish behaviour for 14 months; they finally moved out the month after my daughter was discharged from hospital. My MIL was the catalyst in the ending of my marriage; we split up 5 years later,. My daughter is healthy, and I'm so proud of the young woman she's become. MIL lives alone, far away from her only son and her only grandchild (who she rejected because my daughter is gay) FIL died a few years ago. They both got the life they deserved.
I can see this happening. I can give you names.
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My parents (in the 70's and 80's) teached us kids to do what you did: anyone complaining their hungry? There is the kitchen - go cook something then. Complaining about something other? Well,, you are wellcome to help out or shut up. Thing is, to this day I have never seen a houshold where so many neighbours, friends and relatives feel comfortable to just drop in and have a coffee or chat for a while.
After the birth of my first child and my really horrible delivery and recovery my MIL tried this same thing but expected ME to cater to her as she came over everyday to see her grandchild. I stopped answering the door. It was 25 years ago and I still don't regret it.
What horrible people! They shoud be doing whatever they can to help, not having expectatons to be waited on by their pregnant, overburdened daughter-in-law. What is wrong with them?
A guest is someone you invite over. These people just keep showing up, expecting to be waited on hand and foot while you're trying to focus on taking care of your husband.
This sounds really 'southern.' A lot of southern women who never worked have absolutely no understanding of personal space or how their behavior comes across. My mom was one like that. These women will show up, essentially move in and mooch, but see themselves as being 'caring' and 'loving' -- when they're really just big cows. If you can't move far, far away from them, then just get used to being the 'bad daughter-in-law' and lay down the law. They can come on Sundays, for the afternoon. No dinner will be served, but they can bring food if they want to share it. NO KIDS in the house, and they leave at 5:00 because you've got stuff to do -- for their son!
My mother said women who have never worked are trouble makers
Load More Replies... She's right about the dinner and lack of help but wrong to have brought up "looking after the MIL's son", she's looking after HER husband...
It was a point she was trying to make. The mother was supposed to be there to spend time with HER SON. Not being a pain while watching her DIL run around taking care of her husband.
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Tell MIL and the rest of husband's family that they can visit husband an hour a day and then go home. Call before you come over to make sure he is awake and to not disturb him if he is sleeping. Tough luck if they don't like the new rules. It will get worse when you have your baby. Get control now otherwise they will run over you like a runaway train.
Jeez ... gets my blood boiling. I think I'd have gone nuclear. Your house your rules. When you've got your hands full, people are free to leave or help out.
offs tell you mil /bil that 1950s called looking for them then move on
I am really suprised to read this - American movies are full of people getting tons of food from neighbours etc when they are in trouble. I kinda thought, that was normal. (In my country, noone does this, since you can't know what anybody wants to eat)
No not normal. When I had cancer, nothing from neighbors or friends. When I moved here, which has a welcome committee -- nothing. In both cases most ignored me. When my son was young, the close groups of friends did this for each other, but not for others outside their group.
Load More Replies... You can be a guest and expeted to be treated like one - but then you show up no more than once a week for a few hours, max. Or you pop in every other day for an hour and a cup of tea. Camping there with the full family for days on end AND expect everythign handed to you is insane. Who would get such an idea? What are they even doing there, every day, if they just sit around??
You go girl good for you for standing up for yourself. You don't owe these spongers anything what a lovely family your poor husband has keep them out and only allow them set visitation after calling to see if it's ok for them to come over you have enough to deal with I wish you well and your wee baby when it arrives.
Now I know this story has to be fake. Anyone who has dealt with an adult throwing up knows how gross and draining it can be. If the MIL heard her son tossing his cookies and impassively remained ON THE COUCH and later asked her DIL' WHERE'S DINNER', she deserves an immediate and proper beatdown. You have to be a new breed of monster to even hint at that request.
Ha!! Not fake. Too many women posting here have had similar experiences.
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For most of this stories, the person asking the question is so obviously NTA, that they seem fake or just fishing for approval.
The approval can help if they're deluged with criticism and their self-confidence is wavering.
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Is this post even real? If her husband is so ill and bedridden, how is she four months pregnant? There are a lot of posts on ND about horrendous in-laws, not all in-laws are demons from hell. This seems like a fake post, considering all she wrote of course she wouldn't be TAH.
No, she is being told she is TAH by many people. Mother-in-law tells lies, everyone believes you are TAH. Eventually I gave up. As the only sister-in-law, I didn't join his four sisters and his mother cleaning up after meals. It would be another chance for them to be mean. Eventually I stopped going to stuff. My husband knew why, dealt with the mess caused by my absence, supported my decision not to attend, but never spoke up. These women were horrible, malicious, enjoying every moment. Collectively they were referred to as the aunts. I told my son I would not attend his wedding if they were invited. They ruined my marriage, destroyed my self confidence and made me feel unwelcome the entire marriage. They did the same to his first wife. These are well liked, successful women. I cannot imagine why they act this way. My son was shocked by my decision, but I am not flexible. Not this time.
Load More Replies... Nizzle, you're a real jerk! You don't know...
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DaVo, oh, please. So you escaped and also none of your friends have EVER had anything remotely similar so you cannot have empathy. Your wakeup call is coming, we know not when nor what form but it's coming.
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People sometimes post online for emotional support, but it's not for everyone. My personal experience probably shaped my easy-going attitude: Years ago, when dealing with depression and Complex PTSD, I posted on forums. Progress came mostly from working with a very good therapist, but online conversations certainly helped between sessions. These days, I'm fairly private on Facebook, whereas one of my family members will post about their feelings. They say they get moral support. We totally respect each others' styles.
Load More Replies... Honestly, the in-laws should be *bringing* dinner, not demanding dinner... A casserole for the oven and one for the freezer.
Everyone I know reacts to situations like this by saying "How can I help", and trying to help and generally doing it wrong and getting in the way, NOT by expecting to be treated as honored guests as if things were normal. So really, when the husband's family said they were coming over, I'd expect them to act that way because IMHO that's how family acts in a crisis... and I'd politely ask them to bring food and assign them tasks like laundry and cooking dinner. Of course I'd offend the f**k out of that MIL, but maybe the other in-laws would get with the program.
Load More Replies... I live in the South, I have been here my whole life and I have never encountered a MIL like this. When my husband was hurt we had neighbors and family constantly dropping off food for us so we didn't have to worry about it while he recovered. When my sister was hurt on the job, she a paramedic, the firefighters and other ems would send her food and money so she could recover. When my elderly neighbor had hip surgery I made her breakfast and dinner and my husband mowed her lawn. My grandmother had her cakes. This is not Southern behavior and that MIL should be ashamed. Anytime my mother comes over I have to kick her out of my kitchen and force her to be guest in my home because she doesn't know how not to feed people.
My former mother-in-law, in Virginia, showed up 45 minutes early for family party - 10 days after the wedding. With a cheerful malicious stare she told me she wanted to catch me in a panic, see how poorly I was doing, and make things more difficult. My ex was horrified. My former Texas in-laws, different marriage, visited us in Colorado. They were there for several days, my ex and I had to work during their visit. dinner the first night, the floor under the table was a wreak -- it was a messy dinner. It needed to be vacuumed or it would be ground into the rug. Apologizing first, I vacuumed the area. 5 minutes max. I never heard the end of it. I was the rudest person on the face of the earth. If I left the mess and watched it be ground into the carpet what would she have said? These were simply unkind women. There are dreadful mother-in-laws world wide, not just in one geographic location.
Load More Replies... Yep, change the locks, don't let them in. Gently inform hub of the changes, the BOTH OF YOU need rest, and they were only piling it on, not helping out at all. When HE is well enough to entertain them, HE can invite them, but remember you are his partner, not their maid!
I need to start telling my MIL every day how much I appreciate her! If this were me my MIL would be coming over to help out...who tf goes over to a home with a sick son and a pregnant daughter in law and expects to be waiting on?! Even if you are an invited guest it's just common courtesy to offer to help...ask if there's anything you can do etc.
Why aren't the in-laws bringing HER food when they come over?? I don't get it them at all.
Upon their arrival, you could have divided up jobs and chores, to be done, amongst them. That would have for sure made them leave in a hurry.
Hahahahaha put up a list with tasks and names and if you did your task well, you get a 😀, but if you didn't do your task or didn't do it well enough, you get a ☹. A girl in a house with students did that.
Load More Replies... the woman is f***ing PREGNAT! - she has to... - Wok so they have money to survive (a pandemic!) - while being pregnant - go groceries shopping for a whole extended family - while being pregnant - clean the house and do laundry multiple times a day - while being pregnant - cook and clean for her Husband, herself and lazy ass family members - while being pregnant - clean after their mess - while being pregnant - entertain an entitled family and not leash out or get angry because it's "disrespectful and agressive" i am sorry but wtf? when you are pregnant you should be spoiled and get all the help you can from your family members and friends... instead she gets stress and more stress to deal with. she even has to fear for her husbands and babies life and all the family in law can do is yell at her because she didn't cook? she should be more concerned about eating more and healthy. a sandwich and a yoghurt are just not enough for a pregnant woman.
They aren't "guests" if they're coming over unannounced every day and sit around expecting to be waited on hand and foot. If they're really there to support the injured family member, they should be doing everything they can to help out, do laundry, bring food, offer to take over keeping an eye on the sick person while the primary care person takes a shower, etc. Jeez.
If you are a sick bed visit, you always leave the house a bit tidier/cleaner/better stocked and never ever cause more chores/mess/trouble. Kick them out and only allow them in twice a week for half an hour visit time...and not one second to park their asses on your sofa.
JuJu, I know, right?! It sounded to me like they popped by the poor husband for a few moments - then assparked and waited to be fed. Oh he11 NO!!! What was their behaviour before? I'm assuming much the same, frequent dropins at dinnertime, wearing out the furniture and rugs, using up the toilet paper, and more. I hope that wife posts a note on the LOCKED door; "Visiting Hours; 1:00 pm - 1:30 pm, Tue/Thur only." AND IGNORE THE BANGING.
Load More Replies... As odd as it may seem, it wouldn't surprise me if this post is not 100% real. I have had 2 mother in laws, one was an angel. The last one, would do, and has done some crazy s**t just like this-stuff that doesn't make sense, stuff so nutty it sounds like I made it up. And I live in the south as well. For example- I used to clean her house for her every Sunday. Like, scrub the shower, toilet, deck scrub the baseboards in every room. I wanted to do this, and ask her if this was ok. She shrugged her shoulders and said, " I guess." Later on, she just stopped talking to me. Ignoring me. Giving me short answers when she had to. One day, FIL sits me down to tell me that MIL says I am too noisy on Sundays, and Sunday is quiet day, and I needed to apologize to her. Speechless. I didn't apologize. I stopped cleaning altogether. Never spoke a word to her about it. Then she complained to FIL, again, who came to me, about" I have never offered to help her around the house."-the mild stuff she did.
*OOPS...I meant that this post, IS in fact, %100 REAL. It didn't seem to read correctly, to me. Sorry!
Load More Replies... "Sorry, I'm not up for entertaining visitors while my husband is so sick. You can come visit when he's well again."
Had you stopped caring for your husband and cooked she would have shamed you for that. Nothing would have pleased your Karen mil. I would have kicked her out too.
This is insane. Someone in my family gets a cold and the family steps up, cleans the house, cooks food, drops off groceries, run errands. Family helps each other. If you are not actively helping this woman and her husband, GTFO.
Gosh...she doesn't this. She's busy enough without having to cook for the silly MIL. Bad enough MIL is really rude, worse that she expects everything to be served on a silver platter
I thought that as a southern family is suppose to help each other. But these inlaws are not true southerners. My mom's side is of the mindset that if your wrong we'll tell ya straight up. Good on her for sticking up to the moochers.
Not only southeners. Everybody. If you have a great, healthy, and loving family, it should always come first.
Load More Replies... I live in the states, in the south too and I'd be telling them help or leave. The audacity of some people. I want to know why the husband and brother in law weren't expected to help either.
NTA. You need to set boundries with these people. Explain gently to them all that you are pregant, nursing your husband, and struggling to keep up with housework and errands. You are busy, frantic, and stressed. You are not receiving guests right now. Either they are there to help, and will do chores, prepare food, take on nursing your husband, etc, or they are there to see your husband. In the latter case, visiting hours are from 2 to 4pm (or whatever works for you) they will stay in the room with him for the duration of their visit, no food or entertainment will be provided, and they pick up after themselves.
They won't understand gentle explanations and they won't help. She needs to just not let them in. She's got enough stress in her life already.
Load More Replies... Firstly, it seems strange that the husband's family can't be bothered to help to take care of their own sick son/brother, but ok. Even if we pretend they are just some random-ass guests, their behaviour is still unacceptable: if you are visiting uninvited, you don;t get to demand dinner(or anything else for this matter). And if you show up at somebody's house and see that the owner has more important matters to attend to, any reasonable person would figure that now it's probably not the best time for a dinner party and leave.
If they come in, visit their son/brother, who should have limited visits anyway, then whatever, but just hanging around all day and night, that's f*****g rude and they are just deadbeats.
Let me get one thing straight, a person who calls themself a guest asked "Where's our dinner?" The concept of this actually happening is making me dizzy
In my book, "guest" are friends, acquaintances, neighbors... these idiots are the husband's FAMILY. At least a few of them are BLOOD RELATED. What was the purpose of them showing up then? If they are truly concerned about the husband's well being, then help out caring for him! I have no idea the purpose of them showing up at the house other then being trouble makers. I have a feeling even if you ask them not to come, they will show up at the door and cause a scene. If I was the wife, I'd ask my family to help keep them out of the house until they act somewhat civil. The wife, also pregnant, doesn't need this kind of stress as this situation is totally bad for her, her husband and her unborn child. I really hope that these idiots will come to sense to just go away.
I feel this occasion was the last straw for OP. I would have done the same. On the other hand, none of my in-laws would have behaved like this. EP or what?!
When my in-laws wanted to emigrate to our country, I was willing to house them short term until they found their own place. They never paid for or contributed anything, and refused to look for a new home. I was 11 weeks pregnant when my daughter was hospitalised and diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. That first night in the hospital I started bleeding and suffered a miscarriage, while watching my daughter fighting for her life. Husband was at home,, didn't see us until the next day when our daughter was put onto a ventilator and transported to the Amsterdam University hospital and admitted to the pediatric ICU. She was discharged the day before her 6th birthday. I'd lost our second child, I was shattered, and we came home to a house in chaos. No-one had cleaned, done laundry, loaded the dishwasher, done ANYTHING. I was so angry that I gave my husband an ultimatum: either his parents get out, or my daughter and I leave. I'd put up with their hellish behaviour for 14 months; they finally moved out the month after my daughter was discharged from hospital. My MIL was the catalyst in the ending of my marriage; we split up 5 years later,. My daughter is healthy, and I'm so proud of the young woman she's become. MIL lives alone, far away from her only son and her only grandchild (who she rejected because my daughter is gay) FIL died a few years ago. They both got the life they deserved.
I can see this happening. I can give you names.
Load More Replies... My parents (in the 70's and 80's) teached us kids to do what you did: anyone complaining their hungry? There is the kitchen - go cook something then. Complaining about something other? Well,, you are wellcome to help out or shut up. Thing is, to this day I have never seen a houshold where so many neighbours, friends and relatives feel comfortable to just drop in and have a coffee or chat for a while.
After the birth of my first child and my really horrible delivery and recovery my MIL tried this same thing but expected ME to cater to her as she came over everyday to see her grandchild. I stopped answering the door. It was 25 years ago and I still don't regret it.
What horrible people! They shoud be doing whatever they can to help, not having expectatons to be waited on by their pregnant, overburdened daughter-in-law. What is wrong with them?
A guest is someone you invite over. These people just keep showing up, expecting to be waited on hand and foot while you're trying to focus on taking care of your husband.
This sounds really 'southern.' A lot of southern women who never worked have absolutely no understanding of personal space or how their behavior comes across. My mom was one like that. These women will show up, essentially move in and mooch, but see themselves as being 'caring' and 'loving' -- when they're really just big cows. If you can't move far, far away from them, then just get used to being the 'bad daughter-in-law' and lay down the law. They can come on Sundays, for the afternoon. No dinner will be served, but they can bring food if they want to share it. NO KIDS in the house, and they leave at 5:00 because you've got stuff to do -- for their son!
My mother said women who have never worked are trouble makers
Load More Replies... She's right about the dinner and lack of help but wrong to have brought up "looking after the MIL's son", she's looking after HER husband...
It was a point she was trying to make. The mother was supposed to be there to spend time with HER SON. Not being a pain while watching her DIL run around taking care of her husband.
Load More Replies... Tell MIL and the rest of husband's family that they can visit husband an hour a day and then go home. Call before you come over to make sure he is awake and to not disturb him if he is sleeping. Tough luck if they don't like the new rules. It will get worse when you have your baby. Get control now otherwise they will run over you like a runaway train.
Jeez ... gets my blood boiling. I think I'd have gone nuclear. Your house your rules. When you've got your hands full, people are free to leave or help out.
offs tell you mil /bil that 1950s called looking for them then move on
I am really suprised to read this - American movies are full of people getting tons of food from neighbours etc when they are in trouble. I kinda thought, that was normal. (In my country, noone does this, since you can't know what anybody wants to eat)
No not normal. When I had cancer, nothing from neighbors or friends. When I moved here, which has a welcome committee -- nothing. In both cases most ignored me. When my son was young, the close groups of friends did this for each other, but not for others outside their group.
Load More Replies... You can be a guest and expeted to be treated like one - but then you show up no more than once a week for a few hours, max. Or you pop in every other day for an hour and a cup of tea. Camping there with the full family for days on end AND expect everythign handed to you is insane. Who would get such an idea? What are they even doing there, every day, if they just sit around??
You go girl good for you for standing up for yourself. You don't owe these spongers anything what a lovely family your poor husband has keep them out and only allow them set visitation after calling to see if it's ok for them to come over you have enough to deal with I wish you well and your wee baby when it arrives.
Now I know this story has to be fake. Anyone who has dealt with an adult throwing up knows how gross and draining it can be. If the MIL heard her son tossing his cookies and impassively remained ON THE COUCH and later asked her DIL' WHERE'S DINNER', she deserves an immediate and proper beatdown. You have to be a new breed of monster to even hint at that request.
Ha!! Not fake. Too many women posting here have had similar experiences.
Load More Replies... For most of this stories, the person asking the question is so obviously NTA, that they seem fake or just fishing for approval.
The approval can help if they're deluged with criticism and their self-confidence is wavering.
Load More Replies... Praise Dr Prince Idialu! I have been standing for my marriage and for the healing of a loved one for a while now. This past week my prodigal blocked me again and stopped talking to me. I also lost a loved one that I have been praying for a healing. All of this happened within days of each other, and I was confused because I had been standing for these things to change. In spite of the circumstances, even though I am hurting, the Dr Prince Idialu has given me strength, peace, and calmness to continue. A few years ago, I would have just cried nonstop. Until I met this great spell caster last week who finally help me with love spell that finally brought back my husband just 2 days after the spell was casted, after several years of separation thank you once again Dr Prince for your help i really appreciate your kindness and faithfulness for your help thank you thank you …for help or more information contact him via: princeidialu@outlook.com or call or WhatsApp +1(504)603-3666) he will help
Is this post even real? If her husband is so ill and bedridden, how is she four months pregnant? There are a lot of posts on ND about horrendous in-laws, not all in-laws are demons from hell. This seems like a fake post, considering all she wrote of course she wouldn't be TAH.
No, she is being told she is TAH by many people. Mother-in-law tells lies, everyone believes you are TAH. Eventually I gave up. As the only sister-in-law, I didn't join his four sisters and his mother cleaning up after meals. It would be another chance for them to be mean. Eventually I stopped going to stuff. My husband knew why, dealt with the mess caused by my absence, supported my decision not to attend, but never spoke up. These women were horrible, malicious, enjoying every moment. Collectively they were referred to as the aunts. I told my son I would not attend his wedding if they were invited. They ruined my marriage, destroyed my self confidence and made me feel unwelcome the entire marriage. They did the same to his first wife. These are well liked, successful women. I cannot imagine why they act this way. My son was shocked by my decision, but I am not flexible. Not this time.
Load More Replies... Nizzle, you're a real jerk! You don't know...
Load More Replies... DaVo, oh, please. So you escaped and also none of your friends have EVER had anything remotely similar so you cannot have empathy. Your wakeup call is coming, we know not when nor what form but it's coming.
Load More Replies... People sometimes post online for emotional support, but it's not for everyone. My personal experience probably shaped my easy-going attitude: Years ago, when dealing with depression and Complex PTSD, I posted on forums. Progress came mostly from working with a very good therapist, but online conversations certainly helped between sessions. These days, I'm fairly private on Facebook, whereas one of my family members will post about their feelings. They say they get moral support. We totally respect each others' styles.
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