Woman Gives Her Mother In Law A Fake Key Copy To Her House She Was Supposed To Use In Emergency, MIL Gets Busted At Christmas Dinner
They say that when you marry someone, you marry their entire family. There’s a lot of truth in that. But unlike the first part of this saying, the latter one is not really up to you. So yeah, you may as well end up with a white elephant in a bag.
This story from a 34-year-old woman who said ‘I do’ a year ago gives a glimpse into what it is like to have a mother in law that gets on your nerves. “My husband and I purchased a new house recently. My MIL kept pushing to get an emergency key, she promised that she would only use it in an emergency,” she wrote in a post on r/AITA. But it turned out, the author’s mother-in-law is really nosey and she already walked in on them twice, so there was little chance she wouldn’t do it again.
So unbeknownst to her, the MIL got a fake copy to their house. And her snoopy deeds came to light at a Christmas dinner which ended in one hell of a tantrum and one more family drama to go in the books.
A woman shared how she gave a fake key copy of her new house to her MIL who didn’t keep the promise to use it only in emergency
Image credits: Flickr (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Checkinout2022
And this is what people had to comment about this incident
When a mother walks in on you being intimate and you (he) don't think it's a big deal then that's already a red flag. He's a mamma's boy and the MIL is controlling and had the tantrum to manipulate the family into taking her side. Him wanting your phone is what his mother would want to do ... it's all about control.
Sounds like the OP's husband needs to get married to his mother. I'll never understand this weird, unhealthy relationship that so many mothers seem to have with their sons. Like their son's partner is somehow 'intruding' on their relationship. The OP should seriously rethink her relationship with her husband given his behaviour. He will ALWAYS take his mother's side over his wife's, and it doesn't sound like he respects her at all. Her feelings aren't important to him.
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My Mother had some REAL issues with her Mother in law. This was back in the 60s and Granny came from a catholic family in the southern Irish countryside and my mother was an English protestant living in England. In case you don't know that in it's self is not a good mix. The English and the Irish had issues and the Catholic and the Protestant as well. And that's putting it mildly. It's better now, but back then, pretty bad to sat the least. Even when my mother converted to Catholicism nothing changed. Granny treated my mother like dirt. ALL of it behind my dad's back and mum said nothing. One day my dad came home early. Granny was living with at the time and even though mum waited on granny hand foot, granny still treated her like dirt. When Dad heard what granny was saying he LOST it. He told granny that if she wanted to live in this house then she had to treat mum with respect or go back home. He ended by saying "I chose her, I was lumbered with you". I will choose my wife over you every time. EVERY TIME!" Granny went back to Ireland soon after and mum and dad spent the next 43 years happily married until dad passed away. THAT is how a man should be towards his wife when it comes to mother in law issues. You are NTA your husband and mother in law are.
Reminds me of my dad. His mom has a lot of issues that her only son is not in Vietnam by her side to care for her but instead in Germany living with his wife and two daughters (my parents fled Vietnam bc of political reasons). Even though there have been many attempts to persuade him returning to VN he said "No...I chose to start a family so my family here is my responsibility." (Aka "I didn't chose to have a mom.") So proud of my dad.
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NTA - and be real - MIL chose the setting and tone of the 'exposure'. If she hadn't made it an issue in front of the whole family, it wouldn't have been. The only thing you could have done differently at that point would have been to say "I wasn't comfortable giving you a key, because I feel that you don't respect my privacy. Do you really want to have this arguement now, in front of everyone?" It would have given her the opportunity to walk it back without total public shaming. She was totally in the wrong, all around. Your husband is also totally in the wrong. Yes, he has the right to expect you to treat his family with respect, but respect has to go both ways. Someone walking in on you in a private moment is violating. Even if *he* doesn't feel violated, you do, and he needs to hear that, and support you. You have the right to set boundries and privacy expectations that allow you to be comfortable in your own home.
I hate to say divorce but honestly I don't see how this is going to work out for you. Not only does he not support you, he's also insanely controlling. I would get out before it's too late...aka before you have children together. I'm guessing your mil isn't someone you'd want in the delivery room, but who would push her way in anyways and your husband wouldn't do a thing about it. Then you'd have to deal with your mil disregarding your wishes with your own child for the rest of your life. If your husband doesn't put you first NOW he never will.
It’s just how it is though. We’ve all read this story. Some of us have lived it. At this point we can sit back and laugh until it isn’t funny.
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NTA! Wow, I'm sorry, but it seems to me you might have to rethink your marriage and see a counselor. It sounds like a very unhealthy and toxic family dynamic.
I'm surprised that MIL didn't ask SON for a key. MIL probably has other problems with the wife, but she apparently doesn't go over any issues with her son. This is NOT going to get any better with age . . . and I'd change ALL the locks TODAY!
The MIL wanted her to hand over the keys as a power play
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When you act like a child (like the MIL) you deserve to be treated like a child. Trust & respect are EARNED. No key or I'd get a divorce. You married him, not his crazy mother. Clearly she has no boundaries and is mentally unstable. She was the one who created the scene by publicly calling YOU out during a holiday. SHE wanted a fuss. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Oh nope. Her husband is an asshole as well as his mother. Get away from that family.
never gave my sil a key or any other of his family for that matter. our old house had the washer and dryer in the basement so you had to walk out of the living area, across the small enclosed porch area and down the steps. when alone & doing laundry sometimes would not wear a robe as...i'm in my own house. now, i will admit that my night clothes are from frederick's of hollywood but they were kind of skimpy. came up one day to see my two nephews, ages 10 and 12 w/their mom on the porch. told her that unless she wanted her boys to get early female anatomy lessons she needed to learn how to knock or call before coming over. my ex got upset because 'their family'. too freaking bad. my parents lived next door on one side; my son lives on the other side after we broke up. in over a decade they never have walked into my house without calling first to let me know they were coming over.
The third comment above (the list) hits every nail on the head. IMHO Those nails should be driven into the coffin of the relationship.
Do yourself a favor and lose the husband and the mother-in-law!!! Who needs that aggravation?!? It will only get worse!! Time to start fresh in a new healthy relationship minus the MIL baggage!
Sooooo not acceptable. He needs to grow up and tell Mommy he's not the baby anymore, and start acting like an adult and more importantly, YOUR HUSBAND!
Looks like you've got to divorce your momma's boy of a wimpy mhusband.
NTA. Momma's boy. Run from this, now. First, he's fine with his mother walking in to your shared home unannounced, and when you're being intimate? The fact she did this TWICE is extremely twisted on both hers and her sons part, she seems to enjoy interrupting you both having sex (which no mother should ever want to see), and the son almost has some kind of Oedipus complex going on with his mother. This sh*t is dark. He also doesn't respect your opinion, voice, or the fact it's YOUR home too that the MIL is invading unannounced. Don't apologize, tell him he needs to get off his mother's teat, grow up and start respecting you, or you'll find someone else to replace him that doesn't have such a twisted relationship with his mother at his age.
My in laws did something like that. They waited until we left for a vacation. They had the key to check on the sump pump in case it rained. It didn't. But they came into the house, went to the basement and my MIL went through things and borrowed items for a luncheon she was hosting. Never said a word about it until she finally returned the items after her party. I was livid, but hubby thought it was OK.
I think her one mistake was confessing it was on purpose. She should have said "huh, sorry, must have gotten the wrong key copied, or maybe they messed it up...by the way, wtf were you doing in my house? I'm going to have to ask you give the fake key back, and not expect a new one."
Well played on your part! She doesn't need a key to your house, and besides being a old brat, she has proven she can't be trusted. I'm afraid you've married a mama's boy, and you will never be his priority.
If there's at least another person present, you always take your SO's side, regardless of what you actually think - that can be shared later, in private
Good luck f*****g for your husband's mom's enjoyment. Not saying this lightly. I dated someone who's mom had a history of walking in on her son with his girlfriends and I noted out the first time she did it to me. He would also blame the gf.....after his mom called us tramps for sleeping with him. Should have left the first time, she gets off on it.
For my family, it wasn't my grandmother, it was my two aunts. My aunts were my dad's sister and they treated my mom so horribly. It doesn't happen anymore, but it did happen for a very long time. This husband's behavior is worrisome and the OP needs to consider if she wants to stay married to this man.
If she has a 'working' key, tell him no 'nookie' unless there's an alarm installed and activated during those times.
Been there done that. My husband always thought I was exaggerating when angst or issues came up between his mother and myself. So I stopped telling him. The first time he saw it for himself, he confronted her and made her leave. Your husband is married to you, not his mother. You have to decide if you want her to come first and if he is capable of putting you and your marriage first.
NTA!!! MIL outed herself! She chose to bring it up then thinking she had plenty of backing. She ruined the meal, and her son will let her ruin your marriage and the rest of your life. Give her your key when you pack up and move to a place where you can have peace and privacy.
why do people marry / stay with people like this? how desperate are they to stay in these relationships??????? p.s im not talking about relationships where one partner is too scared to leave thats completely different
Give her the key n install cameras. Their kind would even snoop to see if you are using protection or pills.
Did anyone else notice that the top comment was written by "you'retheAH"
They all sound rather immature. If your mother in law walks in on you unannaounced you straight out tell her, you are not giving her a key!! You don't play stupid games in your midthirties. And you better don't buy a house with someone you've only known for a year and who has an oedipus complex!
The husband needs to be the illustration for the phrase "mamma's boy".
In their own words she can't help it so since she lacks self-control you must do it for her by not giving her access. If he doesn't get it get a divorce.
First mistake is you married the husband. Narc mother feels no guilt with her son enabling her like that. I will never ever ever marry some one like this. It's like 2 mistakes for the price of 1.
Wait what? "She had a smug on her face after I hand delivered it to her" But in the sentence before OP said that she sent her a key.... hmmm? Which is it dude. I think someone may have changed a few details in the real story n forgot to proofread.
I would like to know what she thinks she will find by snooping in the house. Give her sometime and she will get bored of going into the house. She'll just stop doing it on her own. I personally wouldn't aggravate the situation even further. Sometimes people fight back just because you're fighting them, if you stop they'll stop too just give it some time. The fire will burn out on its own if you stop feeding it.
If she has kids with him, she's going to be abused. Like it's happened already but worse since she'll have less choices to pack her bags.
I moved in with a Mama's Boy whose Mama had a key to his house. We came home from a day out to find her washing dishes and it was obvious that she had been in our bedroom "tidying the drawers" (snooping). I asked that he take her emergency key back bc she had crossed a line, especially since we were both at-home nudists and very kink friendly so what was in those drawers was extremely personal. He took the key off of her in front of me but, I later found out, gave her another behind my back. He also got upset when I gave an emergency key to a trusted friend of mine who I knew would not violate our privacy as he "didn't want a stranger being able to wander into his house w***y-nilly". We didn't last long after that.
I hope you don't have children. If not, get out before it happens, otherwise you will have his mother in your life FOR-EV-ER. As for your husaband....nothing wrong with him a spine implant wouldn't cure. He's not a grown up man.
My father sulked - massively. He kept it hidden until after the wedding. Controlling types hide what they don't want you to see until they think it is too late.
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You are obviously missing the point of the story!! The MIL is violating the boundaries of the marriage!!
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When a mother walks in on you being intimate and you (he) don't think it's a big deal then that's already a red flag. He's a mamma's boy and the MIL is controlling and had the tantrum to manipulate the family into taking her side. Him wanting your phone is what his mother would want to do ... it's all about control.
Sounds like the OP's husband needs to get married to his mother. I'll never understand this weird, unhealthy relationship that so many mothers seem to have with their sons. Like their son's partner is somehow 'intruding' on their relationship. The OP should seriously rethink her relationship with her husband given his behaviour. He will ALWAYS take his mother's side over his wife's, and it doesn't sound like he respects her at all. Her feelings aren't important to him.
Load More Replies... My Mother had some REAL issues with her Mother in law. This was back in the 60s and Granny came from a catholic family in the southern Irish countryside and my mother was an English protestant living in England. In case you don't know that in it's self is not a good mix. The English and the Irish had issues and the Catholic and the Protestant as well. And that's putting it mildly. It's better now, but back then, pretty bad to sat the least. Even when my mother converted to Catholicism nothing changed. Granny treated my mother like dirt. ALL of it behind my dad's back and mum said nothing. One day my dad came home early. Granny was living with at the time and even though mum waited on granny hand foot, granny still treated her like dirt. When Dad heard what granny was saying he LOST it. He told granny that if she wanted to live in this house then she had to treat mum with respect or go back home. He ended by saying "I chose her, I was lumbered with you". I will choose my wife over you every time. EVERY TIME!" Granny went back to Ireland soon after and mum and dad spent the next 43 years happily married until dad passed away. THAT is how a man should be towards his wife when it comes to mother in law issues. You are NTA your husband and mother in law are.
Reminds me of my dad. His mom has a lot of issues that her only son is not in Vietnam by her side to care for her but instead in Germany living with his wife and two daughters (my parents fled Vietnam bc of political reasons). Even though there have been many attempts to persuade him returning to VN he said "No...I chose to start a family so my family here is my responsibility." (Aka "I didn't chose to have a mom.") So proud of my dad.
Load More Replies... NTA - and be real - MIL chose the setting and tone of the 'exposure'. If she hadn't made it an issue in front of the whole family, it wouldn't have been. The only thing you could have done differently at that point would have been to say "I wasn't comfortable giving you a key, because I feel that you don't respect my privacy. Do you really want to have this arguement now, in front of everyone?" It would have given her the opportunity to walk it back without total public shaming. She was totally in the wrong, all around. Your husband is also totally in the wrong. Yes, he has the right to expect you to treat his family with respect, but respect has to go both ways. Someone walking in on you in a private moment is violating. Even if *he* doesn't feel violated, you do, and he needs to hear that, and support you. You have the right to set boundries and privacy expectations that allow you to be comfortable in your own home.
I hate to say divorce but honestly I don't see how this is going to work out for you. Not only does he not support you, he's also insanely controlling. I would get out before it's too late...aka before you have children together. I'm guessing your mil isn't someone you'd want in the delivery room, but who would push her way in anyways and your husband wouldn't do a thing about it. Then you'd have to deal with your mil disregarding your wishes with your own child for the rest of your life. If your husband doesn't put you first NOW he never will.
It’s just how it is though. We’ve all read this story. Some of us have lived it. At this point we can sit back and laugh until it isn’t funny.
Load More Replies... NTA! Wow, I'm sorry, but it seems to me you might have to rethink your marriage and see a counselor. It sounds like a very unhealthy and toxic family dynamic.
I'm surprised that MIL didn't ask SON for a key. MIL probably has other problems with the wife, but she apparently doesn't go over any issues with her son. This is NOT going to get any better with age . . . and I'd change ALL the locks TODAY!
The MIL wanted her to hand over the keys as a power play
Load More Replies... When you act like a child (like the MIL) you deserve to be treated like a child. Trust & respect are EARNED. No key or I'd get a divorce. You married him, not his crazy mother. Clearly she has no boundaries and is mentally unstable. She was the one who created the scene by publicly calling YOU out during a holiday. SHE wanted a fuss. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Oh nope. Her husband is an asshole as well as his mother. Get away from that family.
never gave my sil a key or any other of his family for that matter. our old house had the washer and dryer in the basement so you had to walk out of the living area, across the small enclosed porch area and down the steps. when alone & doing laundry sometimes would not wear a robe as...i'm in my own house. now, i will admit that my night clothes are from frederick's of hollywood but they were kind of skimpy. came up one day to see my two nephews, ages 10 and 12 w/their mom on the porch. told her that unless she wanted her boys to get early female anatomy lessons she needed to learn how to knock or call before coming over. my ex got upset because 'their family'. too freaking bad. my parents lived next door on one side; my son lives on the other side after we broke up. in over a decade they never have walked into my house without calling first to let me know they were coming over.
The third comment above (the list) hits every nail on the head. IMHO Those nails should be driven into the coffin of the relationship.
Do yourself a favor and lose the husband and the mother-in-law!!! Who needs that aggravation?!? It will only get worse!! Time to start fresh in a new healthy relationship minus the MIL baggage!
Sooooo not acceptable. He needs to grow up and tell Mommy he's not the baby anymore, and start acting like an adult and more importantly, YOUR HUSBAND!
Looks like you've got to divorce your momma's boy of a wimpy mhusband.
NTA. Momma's boy. Run from this, now. First, he's fine with his mother walking in to your shared home unannounced, and when you're being intimate? The fact she did this TWICE is extremely twisted on both hers and her sons part, she seems to enjoy interrupting you both having sex (which no mother should ever want to see), and the son almost has some kind of Oedipus complex going on with his mother. This sh*t is dark. He also doesn't respect your opinion, voice, or the fact it's YOUR home too that the MIL is invading unannounced. Don't apologize, tell him he needs to get off his mother's teat, grow up and start respecting you, or you'll find someone else to replace him that doesn't have such a twisted relationship with his mother at his age.
My in laws did something like that. They waited until we left for a vacation. They had the key to check on the sump pump in case it rained. It didn't. But they came into the house, went to the basement and my MIL went through things and borrowed items for a luncheon she was hosting. Never said a word about it until she finally returned the items after her party. I was livid, but hubby thought it was OK.
I think her one mistake was confessing it was on purpose. She should have said "huh, sorry, must have gotten the wrong key copied, or maybe they messed it up...by the way, wtf were you doing in my house? I'm going to have to ask you give the fake key back, and not expect a new one."
Well played on your part! She doesn't need a key to your house, and besides being a old brat, she has proven she can't be trusted. I'm afraid you've married a mama's boy, and you will never be his priority.
If there's at least another person present, you always take your SO's side, regardless of what you actually think - that can be shared later, in private
Good luck f*****g for your husband's mom's enjoyment. Not saying this lightly. I dated someone who's mom had a history of walking in on her son with his girlfriends and I noted out the first time she did it to me. He would also blame the gf.....after his mom called us tramps for sleeping with him. Should have left the first time, she gets off on it.
For my family, it wasn't my grandmother, it was my two aunts. My aunts were my dad's sister and they treated my mom so horribly. It doesn't happen anymore, but it did happen for a very long time. This husband's behavior is worrisome and the OP needs to consider if she wants to stay married to this man.
If she has a 'working' key, tell him no 'nookie' unless there's an alarm installed and activated during those times.
Been there done that. My husband always thought I was exaggerating when angst or issues came up between his mother and myself. So I stopped telling him. The first time he saw it for himself, he confronted her and made her leave. Your husband is married to you, not his mother. You have to decide if you want her to come first and if he is capable of putting you and your marriage first.
NTA!!! MIL outed herself! She chose to bring it up then thinking she had plenty of backing. She ruined the meal, and her son will let her ruin your marriage and the rest of your life. Give her your key when you pack up and move to a place where you can have peace and privacy.
why do people marry / stay with people like this? how desperate are they to stay in these relationships??????? p.s im not talking about relationships where one partner is too scared to leave thats completely different
Give her the key n install cameras. Their kind would even snoop to see if you are using protection or pills.
Did anyone else notice that the top comment was written by "you'retheAH"
They all sound rather immature. If your mother in law walks in on you unannaounced you straight out tell her, you are not giving her a key!! You don't play stupid games in your midthirties. And you better don't buy a house with someone you've only known for a year and who has an oedipus complex!
The husband needs to be the illustration for the phrase "mamma's boy".
In their own words she can't help it so since she lacks self-control you must do it for her by not giving her access. If he doesn't get it get a divorce.
First mistake is you married the husband. Narc mother feels no guilt with her son enabling her like that. I will never ever ever marry some one like this. It's like 2 mistakes for the price of 1.
Wait what? "She had a smug on her face after I hand delivered it to her" But in the sentence before OP said that she sent her a key.... hmmm? Which is it dude. I think someone may have changed a few details in the real story n forgot to proofread.
I would like to know what she thinks she will find by snooping in the house. Give her sometime and she will get bored of going into the house. She'll just stop doing it on her own. I personally wouldn't aggravate the situation even further. Sometimes people fight back just because you're fighting them, if you stop they'll stop too just give it some time. The fire will burn out on its own if you stop feeding it.
If she has kids with him, she's going to be abused. Like it's happened already but worse since she'll have less choices to pack her bags.
I moved in with a Mama's Boy whose Mama had a key to his house. We came home from a day out to find her washing dishes and it was obvious that she had been in our bedroom "tidying the drawers" (snooping). I asked that he take her emergency key back bc she had crossed a line, especially since we were both at-home nudists and very kink friendly so what was in those drawers was extremely personal. He took the key off of her in front of me but, I later found out, gave her another behind my back. He also got upset when I gave an emergency key to a trusted friend of mine who I knew would not violate our privacy as he "didn't want a stranger being able to wander into his house w***y-nilly". We didn't last long after that.
I hope you don't have children. If not, get out before it happens, otherwise you will have his mother in your life FOR-EV-ER. As for your husaband....nothing wrong with him a spine implant wouldn't cure. He's not a grown up man.
My father sulked - massively. He kept it hidden until after the wedding. Controlling types hide what they don't want you to see until they think it is too late.
Load More Replies... You are obviously missing the point of the story!! The MIL is violating the boundaries of the marriage!!
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