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Have you ever found yourself in a situation where someone was acting inappropriate, but no one besides you didn’t seem to notice? And you didn’t say anything just because you felt as if it would just make everything worse? This TikTok user @nayaaford asked her followers to share what is something that people find normal or even idealised when it is an example of toxic behaviour. In her video that has 49.6k likes and almost 3.5k comments, she pointed out that one of the examples of toxic behaviour is wanting a “significant other” who is unfriendly and even mean to other people just because this would mean that they are not going to cheat.

Image credits: jade:

#1

Minimizing your own experience by saying “others have it way worse than you”. No. My feelings are valid regardless of how worse it could be.

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Pezor Zass
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a balance here, though; you need to feel like your feelings are valid, but you also need perspective. too much either way is bad.

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It encouraged more people to share their examples of toxic behaviour in the comment section: overprotected partners who end up being control freaks, covering early abuse signs with “if someone is mean to you, it means they like you”, or blaming one’s bad behaviours or lack of responsibility to their zodiac sign. This endless list shows some ridiculous as well as serious problems that society faces but not really takes into consideration, instead they are simply normalised.

#2

Telling little girls "if hes being mean to you it means he likes you"... no.. just no

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#3

Giving men glory for doing all the normal things women do..ie: cleaning, cooking, caring for their own kids, grocery shopping, etc

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kennedy1209
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I realize I am in the minority here - But I actually hate that it is assumed that my wife does all of those things and gets all the glory, when I am the one who does them all.

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The virality of the video and the number of comments of this TikTok video showed that people are actually aware of these toxic behaviours. But why then people get along with these situations? Most of them occur in the family and groups of friends. So not saying to your family member or a close friend that they are being unreasonable saves you from a fight that at first seems unnecessary because these people are close to you, so why would they want bad things for you?

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#4

People bragging that they are “brutally honest”. You can be honest without being Brutal.

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Thorfin Wolfsbane
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

most of the time, they just want to be brutal. the honesty is just coincidental

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#5

Don't come at me but moms who excessively drink wine to put up with their kids. you'll never convince me it's ok .

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#6

OCD. It's not trendy it's an illness.

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Terilee Bruyere
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not all about cleaning either. Both of my children have OCD and my son is a bit of a slob.

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GirlFriday
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes it is. And my biggest pet peeve is when someone says, "that triggers my OCD." Bish, if you had OCD you would ALWAYS be triggered and trying to manage it. That is how OCD works. I cannot turn it off or turn it on again. I MANAGE my symptoms.

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Katy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, and it is not just about not liking one misplaced/miscolored tile on the wall :/

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H Edwards
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's annoying that OCD has become shorthand for being a neat freak or a perfectionist.

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Scagsy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe add depression to that as well. For some unfathomable reason, it appears to be quite trendy to claim 'depression' at every minor disappointment in life. Anyone who has or has had depression can testify that it's a living, waking nightmare of epic proportions.

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Tabby_Sohee
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes! Depression shouldn’t be a joke, but so many of my friends use it so lightly to just express that they’re tired or disappointed. I’ve seen REAL depression - even a suicide - and it’s not how it works! Depression is so misunderstood

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Laura Christine
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agreed! I'm actually diagnosed and medicated for OCD and it makes me crazy when people call themselves OCD just because they are a neat freak. Some of us legitimately have OCD and it's so annoying when people throw it around just because they like things clean.

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PrincessTheSiameseKat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

omg I have OCD it isn't just liking to clean it is thoughts getting into your head for the longest time whenever I would walk across the street flashes of cars hitting me went through my head like in a movie but worse I hate people that like clean something and then like omg! my OCD is terrible hehehe like no bruh

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Ruby
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not the same but when my son was diagnoses with Aspergers i can't tell how you how times people said: ' the world need smart people with Aspergers' and Elon Musk has Aspergers' Greta Thunberg etc. No! It's truly awful. More die from suicide, crippling anxiety og only 9 percent has normal jobs.

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Vorknkx
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a friend with OCD and it makes him very miserable sometimes, to the point of not being able to enjoy anything in life. It's not cute like movies would have us believe, it's pretty nasty.

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Mia Hamsa
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It has caused a lot of problems with people who actually have it. Being type A does not equal OCD

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Skulduggery Pheasant
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always get really annoyed when people are like ‘OMG, this is giving me OCD!’ No it’s not!

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Krazy Onion (KJ)
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not doing all those nervous ticks to be cool, I can't help it.

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Krazy Onion (KJ)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Does it make me a hypocrite if I am not professionally diagnosed, but everyone in my family is sure?

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denzoren
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is. There are things that I do that are not fully in my control...and I've just got it mild.

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deanna woods
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THIS! Having rituals and compulsions is not something to be taken lightly. Some people have a hard time functioning because of their OCD.

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Lauren Potts
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know I'm guilty of this. Me and my friends have definitely joked about "you're driving my OCD crazy, fix it! In regards to a crooked picture, uneven spacing, or something else out of place. Definitely not a "cute, funny" joking matter.

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HooowlAtTheMoon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can someone educate me on what having OCD is like? I've always tried to understand but still am a bit confused. But I agree, having an illness is not ever trendy. People who fake illnesses for attention are a**holes.

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René Studer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The best way I can describe it is being held hostage by what I refer to as the "bad"part of your own brain. This part of the brain seems to think you have some kind of superpower like you can make negative thoughts and things actually happen. The "good" part of your brain knows this is complete nonsense or highly unlikely. The "bad" part then floods the good part with fear and doubt. To make the fear go away it literally makes up routines and countermeasures to "prevent" the bad thought from coming true and/or make the fear go away. (These measures are sometimes not at all linked to the thing you are afraid of at the moment. Thats the hard part for outsiders to understand. Most of the time there is absolutely no real logic behind these routines.) Since you still have the "good" part of the brain who tries to bring real logic in these situations, you're in a constant battle with yourself.

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Luuta
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's only trendy if you find yourself entering a fashion store, buying something, leaving, and entering it again, buying something and leaving, and ...

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Crepitus
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All the OCD jokes that are going around are also causing people to take it less seriously, a lot of the times when you tell someone that you have OCD they won't care, they'll either think "well everyone does" or "no you don't, that's just an excuse".

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Crepitus
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get what this person is saying but i'm a bit offended by the way they put it.. :/ (Edit) I have OCD btw, just to let people know i'm not just some random OCD advocator or something who doesn't know what shes talking about.

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MrTir
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Which puts pressure on others double with this attitude. You just cant reason with them. All of the sudden you are the one against humanity cuz they compare themselves with the handicap, and you're the one making fun of that. Anyway I believe an asshole handicap is an asshole anyway..

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islajane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is actually so annoying to me. Just with any mental illness in general. If someone needs to fake a mental illness for attention, they have a mental illness but it isn’t the one they’re faking. (Munchausen syndrome)

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Dark Pearl
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So my mum and I are diseased? I don't have nearly as many problems as I should with that...

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Later all these saved fights turn little annoying behaviours into normalised habits: spitting something upsetting and then calling yourself “brutally honest”, being abusive towards your son’s/daughter’s partner, or spreading toxic positivity when clearly this is not the way to solve an occurring problem.

Do you also find some other things that people say or do to be toxic, or maybe you know an effective way on how to stop this kind of behaviour? Share your thoughts in the comments!

#7

Giving money to homeless on YouTube. Toxic. You don't need other people to see you doing charitable things for it to be worth doing.

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Marianne
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also think about the people on the receiving end who probably don't want to be on some stranger's social media while they are in a bad place in their lives.

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#8

Toxic positivity... let people feel

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#9

They use their zodiac sign to justify their actions and anger issues.

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Marianne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who does that? I'm a Scorpio and I am so annoyed by all the negative prejudices. No, I am not a psychopath because I was born in November and I am certainly not going to make anyone believe that this is a thing.

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#10

Adhd- just because you were late a few times and got distracted by your friends in class doesn't mean you have it. It's not fun and quirky.

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Bird lover
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YES don't just self-diagnose because you daydream. Tell me once a professional diagnoses you bitch

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#11

Being each other's “everything”. Nah y'all both need lives, family, and friends

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denzoren
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

#Facts. Sure you want to spend time with each other but you also have lives outside of it. I don't mean to ignore your partner either btw.

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#12

"Push yourself till it hurts” when it comes to work, school, physical activities. I don't get paid enough to go over my physical limits.

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#13

Treating trauma/traumatic events as a competition.

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#14

When the current gfs hate their boyfriends ex's for no other reason but the fact they dated him.

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Kateryna
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or exes who hate the current partner of their ex-partner for the same reason

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#15

Mother in law's being abusive towards their son mates it's normal in so many cultures and it's NEVER OKAY

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Ambar
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

let me tell you, my mother is getting married to her boyfriend and he has met my grandmother and she is NOT abusive nor is my mom's boyfriend's mom abusive to her as far as I know. this needs to stop since it puts a bad name of MIL

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#16

Men not taking care of their children because they have a new woman in their life

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#17

The whole “respect your elders” where I agree, you should show respect but there is a lot of disrespectful elderly and people in general who don't

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Marianne
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I generally try to show respect to every person I meet until they give me reason to stop respecting them.

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#18

But we got a baby together so we gotta stay together

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Marianne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kids might prefer divorced parents to a home where fights and anger are a daily issue.

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#19

Overprotective partners - your partner should trust your judgment enough to let you stand up for yourself or ask for their help when it's needed

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A
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Many romantic movies do this and it irritates me. So many creepy or abusive actions or traits are seen as romantic in movies because the love interest is physically attractive. Just stop....

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#20

Hustle culture for me. Would rather have a good paying 9-5 than 3 entrepreneural "hustles"

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denzoren
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Hustle" has just become so overused and watered down. What they don't show you is 95% of those "hustlers" have financial support outside of the hustle.

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#21

People romanticise "being crazy" in relationships. "Yeah she's so crazy, she deleted every girl off my Facebook, she's so crazy I love her though

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#22

Friendzoning! setting boundaries in friendships should be okay. no one owes you getting into a relationship

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anarkzie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one is weird. The Friend Zone just means that someone you like doesn't like you back, it will happen to every adult at some point in their life, it has nothing to do with being owed something.

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#23

Going through your partners phone

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cookie panda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is actually rlly disrespectful and disgusting. m8, if they let you use their phone its bc they trust you. don't exploit that.

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#24

Possessive partners

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denzoren
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am assuming they mean a partner that wants to know exactly what you're doing every second of the day and want you to be with them 24/7....I'm assuming.

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#25

The ‘psycho' girlfriend. There's a difference between boundaries and control/abuse

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#26

The concept of forgiveness nowadays is just "oh yeah they hurt you and u prob have trauma u will deal with forever but just forgive and move on" um no

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beavis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah like my ex friends beat me up ( I had bruises) I got horrible anxiety that they would stab me while I was outside bc my mum asked me to go to the store, after the weekend one of them ( didn't even apologise) asked if we could be friends again and I said no bc they beat me caused me pain and anxiety and made me scared to go outside

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#27

When people talk about beating there kids or scaring there kids

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anarkzie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel that this attitude has thankfully changed in the part of the world that I live in, it seems mad to me that someone would think that hitting a child is somehow okay.

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#28

I don't know if this is toxic but people think that because two people have been together for years their relationship is perfect and healthy.

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Ambar
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

love can break down. it doesn't matter how long you have been together it matters if your love is still strong that can build up a relationship

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#29

Any beauty standards

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Marianne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Best way to improve your body image: Throw away any fashion magazines. Go to places where you see real people's bodies, e.g. public pools. (Saunas if you live in a place where this is a thing. Seeing naked strangers will show you that NO ONE has the perfect body.)

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#30

Couples that take pride in being each other's only friends and spend ALL their time together. It's good to be separate from your partner sometimes

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Ambar
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

spend some time with family, friends, or just alone time for yourself

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