Woman Shares How Moms Finish Eating Last Due To The Additional Work They Have To Do After Seeing This Husband Get Fed Up
Interview With Author
Christine Koh, a Singaporean woman who works at the Ministry of Education, has recently penned an illuminating Facebook post which resonated with many people on social media. She was prompted to write the text after witnessing an unpleasant incident in a food court on March 6.
“Today I saw a hubby questioning his wife angrily (in front of everyone in the food court) because he couldn’t understand why his wife was always so slow in eating,” Christine started her post, which has now gone viral with 3.7k reactions. The author further stated that the reason for the man’s anger and frustration was “because he no longer could handle both a baby in a carrier and a wailing toddler.”
After the husband stormed off with the kids, leaving her to eat alone out in public, Christine shared a heartfelt explanation to why the woman was eating so slowly and it seriously kicked people in the feels.
In her second post, Christine also made it clear that she had no intention to cause a burst of negativity towards the father, since she “didn’t paint the full picture.” On the contrary, her illuminating explanation stands as a tribute to all the mothers who “are often overlooked in the grand scheme.”
After witnessing a husband storm off with kids because his wife was eating slowly, one woman took it to Facebook to explain why moms are always the last ones
Image credits: makelessnoise (not the actual photo)
The Singaporean woman penned this illuminating explanation which resonated with many people on social media and went viral
Bored Panda reached out to Christine Koh, the author of the viral post who said that she penned her reflection post to share in her circle of friends, and hoped that everyone would understand that “in the modern context, a lot of wonderful men have stepped up as a role as a father and are a great partner to support their wives in caregiving and chores,” regardless of this singular incident we don’t know that much about.
Christine believes that the post resonated with her fellow mothers because “we probably encounter this scenario very often, but we didn’t think much of it.”
“I don’t think they were trying to share the post in order to ‘spite their hubbies’ or to make guys look bad (since the reverse in the gender role can also happen too, can’t it) but they are hoping to use the post to perhaps gain some understanding from our family (not just our partners, but even from our kids).”
Later, she also released an update asking everyone not to spread negativity towards the husband and think of the role of women instead
At this point, it dawned on her that the answer that seemed so obvious to both her and her husband wasn’t so obvious at all to everyone, “at least not for both my children and the frustrated hubby who posed this question.”
“This was when I decided to write this reflection post to share with my own circle of friends in the bid to help us give more appreciation and patience to mothers (or even fathers) who are always seen gasping for time to rush out of the house after everyone.”
Christine believes that for some of us, “we probably didn’t even realize why we were so slow ourselves and the post probably caught them by surprise. To be able to recognize this beautiful driving power at work behind the reason why is something we love to share with our fellow mothers too, so that we can learn to appreciate ourselves better instead of self-reproaching.”
The post struck a chord with many people and this is what they had to comment
When Christine saw the father storming off with the kids, leaving the mother behind, she started wondering why the mother did not just simply explain this to him. “It made me ponder if she was reproaching herself when she sat there in silence eating her food and staring into the empty space in front of her.”
Moreover, the author of the reflection post said that she thought “it was a good learning moment as both my kids were present and decided to pose a similar question to them—why is their mummy always the slowest to go out of the house whenever we are heading out? Just when I was confident that they could relate to it and know the reason why… to my surprise, my 9-year-old son asked if it was because I was busy dressing up.”
If the husband shouts at his wife in public like that, then it's likely that he does is at home as well.
can confirm from personal experience. In my case the person was also a huge narcissist. Might be a connection. 🤔
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The reason the husband is yelling is that he is simply and most likely an a**hole. Why does everything have to turn into a sociological analysis of the human condition. We need to stop making excuses for the poorest examples of our species.
Yeah I completely agree. That's just asshole behavior. We don't need the extra explanations, one kid, two kids, no kids, that's just not a normal or respectful way to behave towards your partner.
Load More Replies... Nope. That husband was having an tantrum because he had to deal with his two kids himself for a WHOLE 10 minutes. He was also an abusive asshole, because only an abusive asshole would berate and humiliate his wife in public like that while she's trying to eat. So, regarding the author's insipid calls for "kindness" to the husband, she can shove it. The man is not deep. He is not having a crisis. He's an entitled d*ckwad who feels it is well within his rights to yell at his wife for eating her lunch too slowly, when she's probably damned exhausted from chasing after his two kids all day. And this is hwy we don't date men who act entitled or don't appreciate us, ladies. This is what they turn into once you've married them. Call it as you see it, ladies--don't make excuses for abusive behaviour in ANY context. It never gets better, it only gets worse.
It is infuriating how in 2021 women are still expected to do most everyhting around the house and all the mental load. There are some wonderful men that behave resposibly but most still behave like if we live in the 1500s.
It's because things need to get done and we moms will do it because we want our kids to be fed and clean, and if the dad's sit back, we have to take charge. I tried communicating, calm discussions, "going on strike", and marriage counseling, but he really didn't care. Since I didn't want my kids to starve or live in squalor, I had to do all the work. Anyway, life is much more peaceful since the divorce.
Load More Replies... My ex-husband was a good dad, but I don't think I was able to enjoy a hot meal until my youngest was probably 2 1/2 or 3 years old. I distinctly remember the pleasure of once again eating dinner while it was still warm when the kids were finally old enough to manage their whole meal without much help. It was literally that significant of a change to be able to eat before my food got cold that it sticks in my memory.
It is very simple with small children if you have the luxury of being two adults available at eating time: either both of you help while eating, or one gets to eat in peace while the other one helps the children, and once the first one is done eating, the second one gets to eat in peace. Everything else is not only stupid, it is unfair. From own experience, I recommend to even switch roles occasionally, as it makes you appreciative of either role (getting to eat first while being hungry BUT caring for the children without any time to rest VS waiting hungry while feeding BUT eating in peace while everyone is is fed). As a father I find it absurd that the "during" AND "after" job seems to be allocated to the mothers in many cases.
It's interesting to me that he couldn't handle two babies and makes me wonder how much he is ever in that position, does he need more practice? My son was 2 years old when my twins were born. Since (obviously) my husband was at work all day guess what my day was like? Taking 3 children to the grocery store, to the park, to the mall etc. If I can handle three (and I'm not saying it was easy, the first time I went to the mall I was terrified the twins would cry at the same time while my 2 year old ran off, never happened, whew) but the alternative was staying locked up in the house because it was "too hard". Sounds like dad needs more time with his kids so he gets to feel how his wife feels every damn day.
Why does it matter if the wife had a secret job or a sociological analysis of gender roles? You can't just yell at someone for eating too slow? Why are the men and women in the comment section acting like both are complet aliens, both have specific roles and behaviors and they will never understand each other? Like "we women". No, you are people, you may both be women, but there are many different households and ways of parenting/living/human stuff. TALK TO EACH OTHER, your partners, the people you interact closely with not "the men" and "the women".
Imagine ripping yourself from vulva to asshole for a guy who won’t even help you with the kids and then thinking “well moms are always last cause we are doing so much.” I would never have kids with a man who made me do all the work. My father wasn’t like that.
1. Talk about the things you do (doesn’t work sometimes, doesn’t work on people who don’t care to listen in the first place). 2. Go on strike....I’m not a parent, but I felt something from reading this article. That woman who looked sad...yeah, she probably is exhausted and hurt. There was another BP article about womanhood; when the women talked about their reality, there were quite a bit of people telling them to shut up and stop complaining or do something about it. So what should one do if it’s not obvious that the way society sets one gender to be caretakers takes a toll on them, if a dog has more empathy than their families? I say burn everything and start fresh somewhere else (/s), but you can’t because you love your family and you keep going for them.
It’s not the eating slow that’s a problem to me or that she’s probably the last to eat or has to eat in between feeding her kids, it’s that her husband yelled at her in public and that she looked sad. I don’t know what goes on at home.
Load More Replies... I don't have kids and i'm always the one who finish eating last. Because i enjoy eating and i eat slowly, and that's better for health to eat slow. And i'm french so my "slow" could be the "slothy slow" in USA for example.
Same! I’m American and I always eat half my meal cold, because I can’t just attack it like that. I like eating slowly.
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Forget about the fact she's a mother. Does he not understand that "slow" is the proper eating pace. It both encourages both proper digestion and less calorie intake.
Yes my food always has to be heated again before I eat it because by the time I'm done serving the fam it's cold. If you always get the butt end of the bread, the burnt piece of toast, the glass of water when there isn't enough milk, or the funky looking piece of chicken...you might be a wife.
What an absurd, antiquated posting. I am of the age where most of my friends have families and no one does this anymore. Both men and women help out whenever they can. For example, I usually do the cooking, I eat by far the quickest, and then start washing dishes. I usually finish washing most of the dishes before my wife and kids finish eating their dinners.
I am used to eating cold food; badly trained cats eat first so kids and ex could eat dinner then me at the top end of the table running around getting anything else which was missing. Yes the cats behaviour was my fault
Before my parents divorce, my dad was at work all day while my mum looked after me and my sister. When my dad got home, we was exhausted, but always helped my mum out. She left him a couple of chores, they took it in turns to cook dinner, and my dad spent time with me and my sister. My mum never felt like she was doing all the raising of us alone
As a single parent, it's just easier to eat dinner when my daughter goes to bed if I want it to be hot lol.
I can eat fast, and I don't mind the concept. My wife feels gross if she eats fast. So when the kids were little, we had a process. I would wolf down my dinner while she dealt with the kids, and then I would take over and she could eat in peace. The kids were so slow, that typically my wife would still be done before them. It took me years to get out of the habit and actually slow down when eating and enjoy a meal.
Kids are ridiculously slow. We start eating together, but our 4 year old is at the rable another 20 minutes after we get up. My daughter finally figured out to eat in a timely manner alongside us.
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if he's shouting at her for eating slowly, we don't need to make excuses. he deserves every criticism he gets
I hate it when I hear men saying they're "babysitting" their own kids. No, sir, they are your children.
When my children were old enough to serve themselves and clean up afterward, I think that was the first time I had eaten my food while it was still hot. I think my children were 12, 10, 8. I did learn how to cook most things in the oven instead of stove top so I could do other things while waiting for the meal. I had the balance of time between dinner in the oven and folding clothes. When dinner was ready, the next load was in the dryer. When we were done eating, everything was put away and into the dishwasher, the dryer would ding. The kids got the hang of it too. I never let my husband cook because he would do stuff like make spaghetti with dill spices. No. Just no.
I loved taking my son on week-long trips (the longest was 2+ weeks). I would do this several times a year. It gave my wife a chance to catch up on sleep and have "me" time. She also went on weekend trips to dog shows, so I had him for the weekend. It helped both of us && really helped me bond with my son. I cherish those trips. My son was an "energetic" child. It took both of us to keep up with him.
When my kids lived at home they & my spouse ALWAYS got served first. That's what Mom's do. I usually hid a chicken breast for me though - my husband couldn't tell the difference if the thigh was de-boned. My son could & I always had this little "secret" between us.
It's amazing how it seems that nobody considers this poor woman's feelings now that this attention seeking 'good-doer' exposed her face to the whole world. Not enough that she has a hard life as it is, now she will have to live in this kind of humiliation when every enemy of hers will happily rub the hands and laugh at her misfortune...
If you accept that as aceptable behavior on the part of your SO, then frankly, it is your burden to bear. Modern marriage is 50/50, I would not expect my wife to do all the work, nor does she expect me. Work can be a job, cleaning, cooking, feeding or care, and before everyone calls the guy an a**e, please have in mind the OP was just a bystander, and society needs to hold back on snap judgements because it could happen to you. One moment of frustration and some PC vigilante records it on his phone and puts it up on TikTok, next thing you know, you are getting death threats... Fked up age we are living in...
Women do everything men don't even think of... my bf and I whenever we would leave for his place, I always need an hour head start. He's like "I just put on my shoes and go." Nd I say "yes, I made breakfast, swept the floors, clean the litter box and I had to get dressed and go. You never clean your house. No wonder you just put on your shoes and go."
My wife is alwas the last one. Because she just takes forEVER to get ready :-) But we manage. We both work, I cook and wash and dry and clean, and she organizes and buys and makes sure our kids have clothes and shoes and books and paper and pencils ... YOU ARE A TEAM WHEN YOU RAISE KIDS!!!!
When my boys were small, I always are after everyone else was finished and cleaned up. That way I could actually eat in semi peace instead of trying to eat while feeding a baby, or hopping around getting this,or cleaning up that. And when they got older I started paying for a sitter once a month and go out for the night. Not to to go to bars,etc, I would get a cheap motel room and just have a night of peace and quiet. Parents,especially single parents need to take a day or night for themselves to just BE.
You take turns. Or thats what i prefer. No one wants to eat cold food but its the reality of eating with kids. They can be so slow and suddenly when they are done they are DONE. All or nothing mindset, lol. Thats a hard one, esp in public. But i agree that the issue isnt really about a practical matter in this case, its the anger and lack of understanding. When you are parents you must see each other as a team and tackle stuff like this together. Its not "you"/"me" its US.
This also includes gender rolls I think, them women do the cleaning and cooking making them last to eat..?
I like my gender rolls with a little olive oil.
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My kids are in their 20s and have long moved out. But I still can't eat tablrghot food and never dish up my own food first. This habit doesn't leave you and I have no problem with it. While I was cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids, he was cutting grass and doing maintenance on cars and house when needed. It all balances out.
Still don't get why people have children and keep complaining about it
It's so weird. I grew up in a complete different reality. Everybody sat together and left the table together, but we also had a maid to do the serving and cleaning after. Where I live now maids are not common and I rather save money, so I won't hire one, but since I don't have that mentality or culture in me, I most likely won't be the last to eat or have most of the burden of cleaning up, dealing with the kids, my husband exists, you know, I'm not doing it all for him no way
Where are you at for maids to be common? (in America maids are for the rich, not from a specific area, so I suspect you're elsewhere.)
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It is not about eating speed. It is about him making an ass out of himself for yelling at her.
Load More Replies... If the husband shouts at his wife in public like that, then it's likely that he does is at home as well.
can confirm from personal experience. In my case the person was also a huge narcissist. Might be a connection. 🤔
Load More Replies... The reason the husband is yelling is that he is simply and most likely an a**hole. Why does everything have to turn into a sociological analysis of the human condition. We need to stop making excuses for the poorest examples of our species.
Yeah I completely agree. That's just asshole behavior. We don't need the extra explanations, one kid, two kids, no kids, that's just not a normal or respectful way to behave towards your partner.
Load More Replies... Nope. That husband was having an tantrum because he had to deal with his two kids himself for a WHOLE 10 minutes. He was also an abusive asshole, because only an abusive asshole would berate and humiliate his wife in public like that while she's trying to eat. So, regarding the author's insipid calls for "kindness" to the husband, she can shove it. The man is not deep. He is not having a crisis. He's an entitled d*ckwad who feels it is well within his rights to yell at his wife for eating her lunch too slowly, when she's probably damned exhausted from chasing after his two kids all day. And this is hwy we don't date men who act entitled or don't appreciate us, ladies. This is what they turn into once you've married them. Call it as you see it, ladies--don't make excuses for abusive behaviour in ANY context. It never gets better, it only gets worse.
It is infuriating how in 2021 women are still expected to do most everyhting around the house and all the mental load. There are some wonderful men that behave resposibly but most still behave like if we live in the 1500s.
It's because things need to get done and we moms will do it because we want our kids to be fed and clean, and if the dad's sit back, we have to take charge. I tried communicating, calm discussions, "going on strike", and marriage counseling, but he really didn't care. Since I didn't want my kids to starve or live in squalor, I had to do all the work. Anyway, life is much more peaceful since the divorce.
Load More Replies... My ex-husband was a good dad, but I don't think I was able to enjoy a hot meal until my youngest was probably 2 1/2 or 3 years old. I distinctly remember the pleasure of once again eating dinner while it was still warm when the kids were finally old enough to manage their whole meal without much help. It was literally that significant of a change to be able to eat before my food got cold that it sticks in my memory.
It is very simple with small children if you have the luxury of being two adults available at eating time: either both of you help while eating, or one gets to eat in peace while the other one helps the children, and once the first one is done eating, the second one gets to eat in peace. Everything else is not only stupid, it is unfair. From own experience, I recommend to even switch roles occasionally, as it makes you appreciative of either role (getting to eat first while being hungry BUT caring for the children without any time to rest VS waiting hungry while feeding BUT eating in peace while everyone is is fed). As a father I find it absurd that the "during" AND "after" job seems to be allocated to the mothers in many cases.
It's interesting to me that he couldn't handle two babies and makes me wonder how much he is ever in that position, does he need more practice? My son was 2 years old when my twins were born. Since (obviously) my husband was at work all day guess what my day was like? Taking 3 children to the grocery store, to the park, to the mall etc. If I can handle three (and I'm not saying it was easy, the first time I went to the mall I was terrified the twins would cry at the same time while my 2 year old ran off, never happened, whew) but the alternative was staying locked up in the house because it was "too hard". Sounds like dad needs more time with his kids so he gets to feel how his wife feels every damn day.
Why does it matter if the wife had a secret job or a sociological analysis of gender roles? You can't just yell at someone for eating too slow? Why are the men and women in the comment section acting like both are complet aliens, both have specific roles and behaviors and they will never understand each other? Like "we women". No, you are people, you may both be women, but there are many different households and ways of parenting/living/human stuff. TALK TO EACH OTHER, your partners, the people you interact closely with not "the men" and "the women".
Imagine ripping yourself from vulva to asshole for a guy who won’t even help you with the kids and then thinking “well moms are always last cause we are doing so much.” I would never have kids with a man who made me do all the work. My father wasn’t like that.
1. Talk about the things you do (doesn’t work sometimes, doesn’t work on people who don’t care to listen in the first place). 2. Go on strike....I’m not a parent, but I felt something from reading this article. That woman who looked sad...yeah, she probably is exhausted and hurt. There was another BP article about womanhood; when the women talked about their reality, there were quite a bit of people telling them to shut up and stop complaining or do something about it. So what should one do if it’s not obvious that the way society sets one gender to be caretakers takes a toll on them, if a dog has more empathy than their families? I say burn everything and start fresh somewhere else (/s), but you can’t because you love your family and you keep going for them.
It’s not the eating slow that’s a problem to me or that she’s probably the last to eat or has to eat in between feeding her kids, it’s that her husband yelled at her in public and that she looked sad. I don’t know what goes on at home.
Load More Replies... I don't have kids and i'm always the one who finish eating last. Because i enjoy eating and i eat slowly, and that's better for health to eat slow. And i'm french so my "slow" could be the "slothy slow" in USA for example.
Same! I’m American and I always eat half my meal cold, because I can’t just attack it like that. I like eating slowly.
Load More Replies... Forget about the fact she's a mother. Does he not understand that "slow" is the proper eating pace. It both encourages both proper digestion and less calorie intake.
Yes my food always has to be heated again before I eat it because by the time I'm done serving the fam it's cold. If you always get the butt end of the bread, the burnt piece of toast, the glass of water when there isn't enough milk, or the funky looking piece of chicken...you might be a wife.
What an absurd, antiquated posting. I am of the age where most of my friends have families and no one does this anymore. Both men and women help out whenever they can. For example, I usually do the cooking, I eat by far the quickest, and then start washing dishes. I usually finish washing most of the dishes before my wife and kids finish eating their dinners.
I am used to eating cold food; badly trained cats eat first so kids and ex could eat dinner then me at the top end of the table running around getting anything else which was missing. Yes the cats behaviour was my fault
Before my parents divorce, my dad was at work all day while my mum looked after me and my sister. When my dad got home, we was exhausted, but always helped my mum out. She left him a couple of chores, they took it in turns to cook dinner, and my dad spent time with me and my sister. My mum never felt like she was doing all the raising of us alone
As a single parent, it's just easier to eat dinner when my daughter goes to bed if I want it to be hot lol.
I can eat fast, and I don't mind the concept. My wife feels gross if she eats fast. So when the kids were little, we had a process. I would wolf down my dinner while she dealt with the kids, and then I would take over and she could eat in peace. The kids were so slow, that typically my wife would still be done before them. It took me years to get out of the habit and actually slow down when eating and enjoy a meal.
Kids are ridiculously slow. We start eating together, but our 4 year old is at the rable another 20 minutes after we get up. My daughter finally figured out to eat in a timely manner alongside us.
Load More Replies... if he's shouting at her for eating slowly, we don't need to make excuses. he deserves every criticism he gets
I hate it when I hear men saying they're "babysitting" their own kids. No, sir, they are your children.
When my children were old enough to serve themselves and clean up afterward, I think that was the first time I had eaten my food while it was still hot. I think my children were 12, 10, 8. I did learn how to cook most things in the oven instead of stove top so I could do other things while waiting for the meal. I had the balance of time between dinner in the oven and folding clothes. When dinner was ready, the next load was in the dryer. When we were done eating, everything was put away and into the dishwasher, the dryer would ding. The kids got the hang of it too. I never let my husband cook because he would do stuff like make spaghetti with dill spices. No. Just no.
I loved taking my son on week-long trips (the longest was 2+ weeks). I would do this several times a year. It gave my wife a chance to catch up on sleep and have "me" time. She also went on weekend trips to dog shows, so I had him for the weekend. It helped both of us && really helped me bond with my son. I cherish those trips. My son was an "energetic" child. It took both of us to keep up with him.
When my kids lived at home they & my spouse ALWAYS got served first. That's what Mom's do. I usually hid a chicken breast for me though - my husband couldn't tell the difference if the thigh was de-boned. My son could & I always had this little "secret" between us.
It's amazing how it seems that nobody considers this poor woman's feelings now that this attention seeking 'good-doer' exposed her face to the whole world. Not enough that she has a hard life as it is, now she will have to live in this kind of humiliation when every enemy of hers will happily rub the hands and laugh at her misfortune...
If you accept that as aceptable behavior on the part of your SO, then frankly, it is your burden to bear. Modern marriage is 50/50, I would not expect my wife to do all the work, nor does she expect me. Work can be a job, cleaning, cooking, feeding or care, and before everyone calls the guy an a**e, please have in mind the OP was just a bystander, and society needs to hold back on snap judgements because it could happen to you. One moment of frustration and some PC vigilante records it on his phone and puts it up on TikTok, next thing you know, you are getting death threats... Fked up age we are living in...
Women do everything men don't even think of... my bf and I whenever we would leave for his place, I always need an hour head start. He's like "I just put on my shoes and go." Nd I say "yes, I made breakfast, swept the floors, clean the litter box and I had to get dressed and go. You never clean your house. No wonder you just put on your shoes and go."
My wife is alwas the last one. Because she just takes forEVER to get ready :-) But we manage. We both work, I cook and wash and dry and clean, and she organizes and buys and makes sure our kids have clothes and shoes and books and paper and pencils ... YOU ARE A TEAM WHEN YOU RAISE KIDS!!!!
When my boys were small, I always are after everyone else was finished and cleaned up. That way I could actually eat in semi peace instead of trying to eat while feeding a baby, or hopping around getting this,or cleaning up that. And when they got older I started paying for a sitter once a month and go out for the night. Not to to go to bars,etc, I would get a cheap motel room and just have a night of peace and quiet. Parents,especially single parents need to take a day or night for themselves to just BE.
You take turns. Or thats what i prefer. No one wants to eat cold food but its the reality of eating with kids. They can be so slow and suddenly when they are done they are DONE. All or nothing mindset, lol. Thats a hard one, esp in public. But i agree that the issue isnt really about a practical matter in this case, its the anger and lack of understanding. When you are parents you must see each other as a team and tackle stuff like this together. Its not "you"/"me" its US.
This also includes gender rolls I think, them women do the cleaning and cooking making them last to eat..?
I like my gender rolls with a little olive oil.
Load More Replies... My kids are in their 20s and have long moved out. But I still can't eat tablrghot food and never dish up my own food first. This habit doesn't leave you and I have no problem with it. While I was cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids, he was cutting grass and doing maintenance on cars and house when needed. It all balances out.
Still don't get why people have children and keep complaining about it
It's so weird. I grew up in a complete different reality. Everybody sat together and left the table together, but we also had a maid to do the serving and cleaning after. Where I live now maids are not common and I rather save money, so I won't hire one, but since I don't have that mentality or culture in me, I most likely won't be the last to eat or have most of the burden of cleaning up, dealing with the kids, my husband exists, you know, I'm not doing it all for him no way
Where are you at for maids to be common? (in America maids are for the rich, not from a specific area, so I suspect you're elsewhere.)
Load More Replies... It is not about eating speed. It is about him making an ass out of himself for yelling at her.
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