“This Is Blowing People’s Minds”: Amateur Historian Explains Why Some European Countries Probably Won’t Feed You In Their Home
Sweden is a unique country. Famous for its incredibly long summer days, mass output of pop music and high standard of living, the nation is usually seen in a positive light online. Recently, it’s made the news for introducing “sexy trashcans” and applying to join NATO. However, about 3 weeks ago, the internet was abuzz after someone shared on Reddit that when they would visit their Swedish friend’s house as a kid, they would have to wait in the friend’s bedroom while the Swedish family ate any meals. The guest was never even offered food. The internet went wild discussing how bizarre they found this behavior, and some Swedes confirmed that their childhood experiences were similar. Bored Panda even published a piece last week featuring reactions to this Swedish quirk that you can read right here.
To help get to the bottom of this cultural phenomenon, Twitter User Wally Sierk posted a thread two weeks ago explaining why some countries are less likely to feed their guests than others. Below, you can read Wally’s explanation, as well as some of the responses it has received. Then we’d love to hear in the comments how you feel about all of this; is it common in your country to feed guests? Or do you follow the Swedish model of “please, wait in the bedroom until we’re finished”?
After the internet went crazy about Swedes not feeding their kids’ guests, one amateur historian and sociologist took to Twitter to explain why some countries are less likely to offer their guests food
Image credits: WallySierk
Image credits: WallySierk
Image credits: WallySierk
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Image credits: WallySierk
Image credits: WallySierk
Image credits: WallySierk
He explained that it can be traced back to the Protestant church attempting to minimize societal conflicts by making sure nobody owed anyone anything, so people cut down on hospitality
Image credits: WallySierk
Image credits: WallySierk
Image credits: WallySierk
Image credits: WallySierk
Image credits: WallySierk
It’s interesting to learn that in some countries, giving others less was a solution to violence in society. Each culture has its own quirks, and apparently Scandinavia is not known for being particularly hospitable or friendly. According to InterNation’s 2017 Expat Survey, when it comes to the places where it’s easiest for expats to find friends, out of 65 countries, Norway, Denmark and Sweden all came in at the very bottom of the list. Finland didn’t do much better either, at the 57th slot. In terms of friendliness in the same 65 nations, Finland, Norway, Sweden and Denmark all ranked in the bottom 16 spots as well. Similarly, all of these countries fell in the bottom 20 spots when ranking places where expats feel most welcome.
On the contrary, Portugal was ranked the number one country where expats feel welcome, with Spain close behind at number six. Both of these countries were listed as places guests will “almost always” be given food on the map shared by Wally Sierk on Twitter. Portugal was also the number one “friendliest” nation for expats, while Spain was the seventeenth friendliest. And when it comes to where you can find friends, Portugal was the twelfth best country, according to expats.
Learning about different cultures is always important, so we have a better understanding of one another and avoid passing judgment. Many people on Twitter seemed appalled by the idea of not feeding a child’s guest, but if that’s the culture, who are we to judge? Some things will always be hard for foreigners to understand, but I’m glad Wally took the time to explain the interesting history of minimal hospitality among some northern European countries. So if your child has a Swedish friend who invited them over for a play date, there’s no need to be scared. (Maybe pack them some snacks though, just in case!)
Some readers responded with their own potential explanations, while others shared personal experiences of being fed (or not fed) as a guest
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Sorry but the temperature theories under the original thread are so eurocentric and stupid. Do these people realize the map extends further east (not to mention there are also other continents)? And I guarantee you that various siberian nations, Mongolians, people from cold mountainous parts of central Asia etc. would all be very hospitable and feed you a lot if you showed up at their doors. And if you really want to bring temperature to this "sociology of hospitability", maybe consider this: where is a traveller more likely to starve and die of exposure if locals don't take good care of them, in Siberia or in the Mediterranean?
Yeah, Russians take the obligation of hospitality very seriously - and Russia is as cold as any of the Scandinavian countries. You will get food pushed on you if you're a guest in a Russian's home.
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German here: In my childhood it was absolutely common to eat your midday meal at friends' houses if you went there after school or on the weekends, and there were almost always cookies, cake, chocolate or ice-cream in the afternoon. It was not common to eat the evening meal though, you mostly got home before that. I get the feeling with my child that it's still this way today. So I am a bit torn with the generalization.
same here, always were asked to join for dinner if i was at a friends house.
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Uk: it’s not that we won’t feed you, it’s that we want to be able to plan for it. You can stay for dinner just let me know beforehand or there won’t be any food in.
My lived experience tells me for England, it's "usually yes" for food and Ireland is "almost always"
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I'd like to see this map in the US. Especially states like Minnesota, Wisconsin, etc., with large Nordic-descended populations. My gut tells me, yes, they will stuff you with hot dish, but I'd like to see some kind of data on the matter. Also, (in the US) I remember phone calls and some planning involved if a friend was going to stay for dinner when it wasn't organized beforehand. Usually, I had to ask my parents if a friend could stay for dinner. I never noticed a shame/honor dynamic, more of a "your parent(s) is probably cooking your dinner, so I won't intrude on that without asking".
I'm US-born, nobody where I was on Canadian border needed s dinner plan for kids, but our subculture was Slavic, not Scandi. You can still walk into a home as a stranger, in need, back there and be given a choice of snacks and beverages if all you needed was a landline to use to call a tow truck!
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I am sorry, I have been raised in Limburg in the Netherlands, in the Rhineland in Germany and in Belgium as well as having lived in China, the USA and Africa and I can honestly say this map is so inaccurate. Not getting offered food at people's houses was considered cheap and a sign of bad hosting, according to this map I live in the no food offered zone, what all my places of residence in Europe have in common is catholic faith, where sharing food (body of Christ) is a thing . Vikings were not a big deal in our history, we were roman influenced. Neither was protestantism a thing, when I go to funerals in the north (protestants) there is no food offered which is something out of the question where I am from. The idea might still hold although I would argue on the Viking root, but the maps boundaries need to move farther north
You don't buy enough to feed more ppl than your own family. If someone drops by, without announcing, at 6, you need to first buy extra food. Most ppl don't just drop by, so why would you buy more food for just in case and then let it rot. Costs a fortune. A pity of the food and money.
This. I am Dutch and we are frugal in the sense that we usually cook the exact amount for the people present, so if an uninvited guest is there nobody gets enough food, including the guest, which is embarrassing.
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As a kid we lived in an Arab country. There was a young girl I met, she was staying in our compound for a bit and we became friends. One day my mom invited her for lunch. She said yes and mom made peanut butter and jelly snadwiches and ice tea.. She really enjoyed that and we helped mom clean up. Next day or so, she invited me to lunch. There was a huge table with about 15 people a whole roasted goat, rice, veggies and servants (70"s) I ate everything offered and was stuffed. And then we left to play. She said she thought my lunch was better, as we talked to my mom, she laughed with us and we cleaned up, she liked helping which was never allowed by her family. I never saw her mom. Oh, turns out she was some kind of princess.
She was being polite, of course it wasn't better. Arab nations are renowned for their extensive, varied meals that taste incredible.
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I'm Polish by origin and grew up in Vienna Austria, now I have been living in Southern Germany (Bavaria) for some years, however my group of friends has always been very international - just very few from Scandinavian countries. So, looking at the map, I can pretty much confirm from own experience. OF COURSE there are exceptions anf such generalizations are always hurting those who are not like that, we know and especially like these exceptions. However, my Austrian friends loved breakfasts and dinners in my house counter inviting into a restaurant. My two Austrian best friends however will regularly cook "for me". But it always has to be especially announced. My Spanish, Italian, Iranian friends love to have spontaneous meetings and there is never a discussion whether or not. Same with me. Well, I love them all.
My mother and her family are all Polish. Still speak it, etc. I've been to Poland. There are some who won't, but generally, if you want to be fed, the Slavs are gonna feed you. Got one loaf of bread, they'll cut it up for a visitor. It's what we *do*. Of the dozens of Slavic (Polish or Slovak) families I've known in life? It's the norm, not the exception, no matter where they live (Poland, Canada, US).
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As a Dane, I can tell you that is has more to do with family time. Dinner is where you are gatherd as a family and talk to each other. Between school, work, sports and friends a family don't have much time through out the day to interact with each other. Think less about the food. And more about family relations.
This is pure s**t, people in north of france and belgium invite you to eat at home like a minute after meeting you. I have never ben proposed so much food than in Lille.
I grew up and still live in northern Germany (Schleswig-Holstein, closest to Denmark) and it was 100% common in our and our friends houses that if someone goes home with you, no matter if pre-school, kindergarden, highschool, business school, work, that they would eat with you at your house if you haven't eaten somewhere before. My mother always cooked for 1-2 more people in advance, with 4 children there was nearly always someone coming to our house daily (and we prepped food for 2 days at a time anyways). I am 35 now and remember this practice since 1991 when I was 4 till now. Everything else would just feel weird to me.
In Greece, you will never leave without eating, they will just keep on giving you more and more food.
Um… bold theory! I’ve never heard anything even remotely indicating anything like this, and I’m a swedish history nerd. That doesn’t mean it can’t partly, in some specific definition or interpretation, in a way have some elements of truth in it; I mean, almost anything is possible. But then again, swedes. Feed. Their. Guests. Back in the seventies or so, dinner time was a bit holy for the family, and so inviting someone’s kid without asking would be sabotaging family time, but of COURSE we feed our guests. We don’t invite ourselves over to someone else’s house unannounced and expect to be fed a twenty course feast, but of course we feed guests. Nonsense.
"Amateur historian"... worst article i have ever read here. Can do any map with any purpose that's not scientific at all.
A chain of "family friendly restaurants" was one of the first in Denmark to call their costumers "quests". From the ideology that the waiters should treat them as they would their own guests. Which. For. Every. Dane. I've. EVER. Heard. Of. Includes. Offering. Food! No you don't get "forcefed" outside normal eating-hours as some other places. And yes if you come unannounced, and stay past dinner-time (without it beeing offered freely) it's considered rude; since we are then more or less obligated to feed you, which could mean having to use the food bought for the day after when actual invited guests came over. Think the amateaur historian was so keen on explaining the historical aspect, that he forgot to fact-check wheather the whole premise is actually true: "Is it unlikely to be fed in northern germanic countries?": No! It is just interacted different. Which he should be well aware of when also calling himself "sociologist"...
That 'tomato' guy has no idea how seasons work. Try to "pick" one in February, dude.
Yes and he's thinking about the south of Italy. Try to live on the Alpine mountains and go outside to pick up a tomato... Same thing applies for Spain, Greece... It's not all "sun, sea, sand"
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My great-grandparents came right off the boat from Germany. And having visited the North Dakota town where they settled (predominantly German immigrants), not only would the older generations ensure you get fed (and given coffee...sometimes coffee visits last for hours), but at some places it would be an event. Dropping in Great Aunt Lillian's, for example, meant coffee for the grown ups, Kool-aid for the kids, at least two different types of sweet quick breads, at least five different types of cookies, and pie. All served in fancy china cups, not simple mugs.
No fancy china but similar in Polish and Slovak families where I grew up. We still feed you. Generation doesn't matter. Come to my house. I'll demonstrate. Would you like cinnamon cookies, shortbread, homemade bread wiith butter or homemade jam, an oh yeah, a choice of beverages, nuts, cheeses?
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Czech here. Can't speak for other households but if someone visit us they are always offered a coffee or tea (or any other drink they please), usually some alcoholic beverage too and very often a food as well. Basically if we are having lunch/dinning they eat with us. We usually prepare stuff to serve to our guests too. With unexpected visitors is more complicated but nothing the improvisation couldn't solve! Also when I was visiting someone it was pretty similar
Finland: there was only the nearest neighbourgs family that didn't feed me as a child, as it was easy to go home to eat. They were the odd ones. Everywhere else I got food. I think it has to do with money in part. If your children have a group of friends over everyday it is expensive to feed them all the time. One child now and then is usually given food in my experience.
Thanks for explaining it in this way! It is making so much sense. I am used to making sure everyone around me is fed. So when I moved to ND and the neighbor kids came over, I had snacks for them too. When the parents came by to pick up their kids, they were very surprised and expressed their guilt for me feeding their kids. I told them there is nothing to worry about, I enjoy having them around and it's no problem. I also notice my kids aren't offered food at other kids houses nearby so this must be why too. Our area has a lot of norweigan and scandi history. Wayyy different from my upbringing where people always have food for you even when your not hungry and you eat to be polite haha
America is a mix. I feed other people's children constantly. They let my kids starve at their homes. Thus the kids always want to hang here. Mission accomplished.
Navetta heard this happening hereillä in finland! Neither on country or in "city"
Northern german here. This map is wrong. It is common to be invited to share the meal if you're at a friends place. I asked around in my friend group and everyone agrees that it would be really weird if one was not invited to share the meal, so yeah... that amateur sociologist really IS an amateur. Everyone saying they're German and didn't get food at their friends houses as a kid: Dann waren die Eltern deiner Freunde arrogante Alöcher oder anderweitig weird. Oder Geiz-Schwaben. lel
Australian. Someone drops by even if uninvited you offers them tea or coffee with biscuits, cake if you’ve got some, friends get offered a snack good friends & family get invited to stay for dinner. All the Greek & Italian friends I’ve ever had, first words out of their moth when you walk-in. “Have you eaten” doesn’t matter what time it is, even if you just had a 3 course dinner you still get a plate of food shoved in your hand, I would have married a nice Greek guy I had a crush on as a teenager except I would have gotten so fat, his mother thought I was too skinny so every time I was there she was trying to feed me & sending me home with doggy bags.
Wow - as someone who was raised in a household where Food=Love, this is so weird. If a guest came to my father's house and left without eating anything, my father would feel insulted for the guest rejecting hospitality. Knowing other countries do it differently is just weird. Also - my diet would be so much happier if my family was swede - i was doing a lot of family visits the other week and I gains 2 pounds...
Netherlands here, almost everyone I know always has some snacks in case a visitor stops by. And unless they're terribly poor you'll get asked if you ate yet if your arrive around dinner time. Answer no and you'll pretty much be forced to eat there. Not a regional thing either, I have friends all over the country due to moving a few times.
Danish here... I'm sorry but it is so wrong, i have NEVER heard or seen anyone who didnt get food when they were with friends, even uninvited, and i dont know anyone who wouldnt offer food, if there was food in the table, and there is a guest, er often even offers food, just because ppl might be Hungry.... I know me and my familie does, and everyone i know🤷
This whole thing is so unbelievably stupid. Most kids visiting friends today will get food, why? Because the parents can easily contact each other. It is rude to feed someone's kid without their parents being made aware. Dietary restrictions, food plans at home, late notice etc. -Norwegian who ate at friends houses 6/10 times. 4/10 times I did not eat was due to short notice and pre planning on the part of my friends parents. People being appalled by this seems to be unable to understand that there might be reasons for and differing views on what is considered rude and accepted.
Cultural differences imbedded for 100s of years? Own your brain people. I was raised to be respectful and dutiful but not to the point of being taken advantage of. You can all expect me to be a fantastic host. I will feed you and your children
I have a background of both German and Norwegian, and in my experience turning up at mealtimes unexpectedly is considered rude - far more rude than not feeding somebody. And more so in Norway than in Germany. Dinnertime is a real big thing, culturally. It is the core of family life, and most Norwegian families built their days around meeting and having quality time with their core family for dinner. It's intrusive of you to try and be included - unless you are such a close friend that you are also considered family. But if you give advance warning, preferably at least a day in advance, nobody will turn you away. And as a rule of thumb, be direct! We don't want to spend time and effort deciphering your wants and needs. You have words, use them and tell us 'I am hungry, do you have some food?' and we will feed you. Just don't expect fancy foods!
Completely untrue for the North part of France and Belgium (deemed "unlikely to give you food" here). Their culture nowadays has very little to do with Norse culture, and they're not even Protestant (some are very Catholic on the contrary). For generations they have been fishermen, farmers, miners, factory workers - not very rich people in general, but if you go to their home you're going to eat a lot because hospitality, generosity and solidarity are not empty words to them. Same goes for England I guess.
Living in the southeast USA, we offer drinks to literally EVERYONE and anyone who comes inside the house. Like even the maintenance guy or something, anyone, anytime, any circumstances. But food is only offered if it's a mealtime or if someone has traveled over 3 hours to get to you. With kids it is always dependant on a lot of factors though.
Austrian here: At least in the rural area I live it's common to get cake or something sweet if you visit someone (even if you show up surprisingly). Lunch depends if we already ate and if there is anything left. Dinner usually yes, but don't be surprised we usually have ham, bacon, cheese and so on for dinner. When kid play somewhere they eat at the place they are, unless the parents agreed otherwise.
As an Italian I can testify that if we have food in the house we will offer it to you, if we are about to have dinner we will ask you to join us, that's default. My personal opinion about it: it's very common in Italy (and I think in most Mediterranean countries) to cook/prepare from scratch both lunch and dinner, while, as far as I know, northern countries tend to eat much less for dinner, like leftovers from lunch or a sandwich (correct me if I'm wrong). With that in mind, if mom is about to start cooking dinner, she will ask her kid's friend if they want to join, because adding a little more pasta to the quantity you're already preparing is not a big deal. But if all you have is leftovers, they might be not enough for one more person and giving them just a simple sandwich might appear "rude" so they won't ask them to stay. What do you think?
In scandi countries the only hot meal is dinner, which is usually prepared in the late afternoon. Sometime between 16 and 18 o'clock. Breakfast and lunch is usually cold foods such as bread and cheese or yoghurt. In Germany traditionally the hot meal is at noon (12-14), with cold foods for breakfast and evening meals. Also: lunch culture in Scandi countries is that you don't leave your place of work or education for it. You generally pack lunch. Of course you only pack enough for 1 person.
Load More Replies... Um... Poland isn't the warmest place on earth, and they're very into feeding everyone! You still do, per my family, who're taking on costs of feeding refugees from Ukraine without a blink. So I think it's a foolish theory ("cold = no hospitality"). I've never been anywhere that food isn't offered, no matter the poverty level or average tempreature!
They just made a joke about this in the first episode of Mz Marvel. You had a friend leave when it's time for dinner while apologising. The mother then left the room for a few seconds and came back with a bag of what looked like four or five plastic containers full to the brim.
awesome example of being dumb and jerk in the same time: we know we still won't feed you, but here is a stupidly defying explanation, to make sure we do this intentionally, to humiliate you.
Feeding would be humiliating apparently ages ago. I remember stories from my mom about her mom in Holland in the 1920s, 1930s. Then it was normal to feed others, because they were poor and had nothing to eat. Now if ppl have no job, they get govt money and a house and unless you know that someone is poor, you're not gonna feed em. You can also give money or a bag of food. Or you invite friends for dinner. It's rude to just drop by and expect someone to cook for you. It's a rotten job, everyone hates. Lol once an Indonesian guy dropped by, so I offered him food. He didn't eat it. A Yugoslavian war criminal called our national dishes inhumane torture. It's never good w those ppl. You give em and they don't like it lol.
Load More Replies... Sorry but the temperature theories under the original thread are so eurocentric and stupid. Do these people realize the map extends further east (not to mention there are also other continents)? And I guarantee you that various siberian nations, Mongolians, people from cold mountainous parts of central Asia etc. would all be very hospitable and feed you a lot if you showed up at their doors. And if you really want to bring temperature to this "sociology of hospitability", maybe consider this: where is a traveller more likely to starve and die of exposure if locals don't take good care of them, in Siberia or in the Mediterranean?
Yeah, Russians take the obligation of hospitality very seriously - and Russia is as cold as any of the Scandinavian countries. You will get food pushed on you if you're a guest in a Russian's home.
Load More Replies... German here: In my childhood it was absolutely common to eat your midday meal at friends' houses if you went there after school or on the weekends, and there were almost always cookies, cake, chocolate or ice-cream in the afternoon. It was not common to eat the evening meal though, you mostly got home before that. I get the feeling with my child that it's still this way today. So I am a bit torn with the generalization.
same here, always were asked to join for dinner if i was at a friends house.
Load More Replies... Uk: it’s not that we won’t feed you, it’s that we want to be able to plan for it. You can stay for dinner just let me know beforehand or there won’t be any food in.
My lived experience tells me for England, it's "usually yes" for food and Ireland is "almost always"
Load More Replies... I'd like to see this map in the US. Especially states like Minnesota, Wisconsin, etc., with large Nordic-descended populations. My gut tells me, yes, they will stuff you with hot dish, but I'd like to see some kind of data on the matter. Also, (in the US) I remember phone calls and some planning involved if a friend was going to stay for dinner when it wasn't organized beforehand. Usually, I had to ask my parents if a friend could stay for dinner. I never noticed a shame/honor dynamic, more of a "your parent(s) is probably cooking your dinner, so I won't intrude on that without asking".
I'm US-born, nobody where I was on Canadian border needed s dinner plan for kids, but our subculture was Slavic, not Scandi. You can still walk into a home as a stranger, in need, back there and be given a choice of snacks and beverages if all you needed was a landline to use to call a tow truck!
Load More Replies... I am sorry, I have been raised in Limburg in the Netherlands, in the Rhineland in Germany and in Belgium as well as having lived in China, the USA and Africa and I can honestly say this map is so inaccurate. Not getting offered food at people's houses was considered cheap and a sign of bad hosting, according to this map I live in the no food offered zone, what all my places of residence in Europe have in common is catholic faith, where sharing food (body of Christ) is a thing . Vikings were not a big deal in our history, we were roman influenced. Neither was protestantism a thing, when I go to funerals in the north (protestants) there is no food offered which is something out of the question where I am from. The idea might still hold although I would argue on the Viking root, but the maps boundaries need to move farther north
You don't buy enough to feed more ppl than your own family. If someone drops by, without announcing, at 6, you need to first buy extra food. Most ppl don't just drop by, so why would you buy more food for just in case and then let it rot. Costs a fortune. A pity of the food and money.
This. I am Dutch and we are frugal in the sense that we usually cook the exact amount for the people present, so if an uninvited guest is there nobody gets enough food, including the guest, which is embarrassing.
Load More Replies... As a kid we lived in an Arab country. There was a young girl I met, she was staying in our compound for a bit and we became friends. One day my mom invited her for lunch. She said yes and mom made peanut butter and jelly snadwiches and ice tea.. She really enjoyed that and we helped mom clean up. Next day or so, she invited me to lunch. There was a huge table with about 15 people a whole roasted goat, rice, veggies and servants (70"s) I ate everything offered and was stuffed. And then we left to play. She said she thought my lunch was better, as we talked to my mom, she laughed with us and we cleaned up, she liked helping which was never allowed by her family. I never saw her mom. Oh, turns out she was some kind of princess.
She was being polite, of course it wasn't better. Arab nations are renowned for their extensive, varied meals that taste incredible.
Load More Replies... I'm Polish by origin and grew up in Vienna Austria, now I have been living in Southern Germany (Bavaria) for some years, however my group of friends has always been very international - just very few from Scandinavian countries. So, looking at the map, I can pretty much confirm from own experience. OF COURSE there are exceptions anf such generalizations are always hurting those who are not like that, we know and especially like these exceptions. However, my Austrian friends loved breakfasts and dinners in my house counter inviting into a restaurant. My two Austrian best friends however will regularly cook "for me". But it always has to be especially announced. My Spanish, Italian, Iranian friends love to have spontaneous meetings and there is never a discussion whether or not. Same with me. Well, I love them all.
My mother and her family are all Polish. Still speak it, etc. I've been to Poland. There are some who won't, but generally, if you want to be fed, the Slavs are gonna feed you. Got one loaf of bread, they'll cut it up for a visitor. It's what we *do*. Of the dozens of Slavic (Polish or Slovak) families I've known in life? It's the norm, not the exception, no matter where they live (Poland, Canada, US).
Load More Replies... As a Dane, I can tell you that is has more to do with family time. Dinner is where you are gatherd as a family and talk to each other. Between school, work, sports and friends a family don't have much time through out the day to interact with each other. Think less about the food. And more about family relations.
This is pure s**t, people in north of france and belgium invite you to eat at home like a minute after meeting you. I have never ben proposed so much food than in Lille.
I grew up and still live in northern Germany (Schleswig-Holstein, closest to Denmark) and it was 100% common in our and our friends houses that if someone goes home with you, no matter if pre-school, kindergarden, highschool, business school, work, that they would eat with you at your house if you haven't eaten somewhere before. My mother always cooked for 1-2 more people in advance, with 4 children there was nearly always someone coming to our house daily (and we prepped food for 2 days at a time anyways). I am 35 now and remember this practice since 1991 when I was 4 till now. Everything else would just feel weird to me.
In Greece, you will never leave without eating, they will just keep on giving you more and more food.
Um… bold theory! I’ve never heard anything even remotely indicating anything like this, and I’m a swedish history nerd. That doesn’t mean it can’t partly, in some specific definition or interpretation, in a way have some elements of truth in it; I mean, almost anything is possible. But then again, swedes. Feed. Their. Guests. Back in the seventies or so, dinner time was a bit holy for the family, and so inviting someone’s kid without asking would be sabotaging family time, but of COURSE we feed our guests. We don’t invite ourselves over to someone else’s house unannounced and expect to be fed a twenty course feast, but of course we feed guests. Nonsense.
"Amateur historian"... worst article i have ever read here. Can do any map with any purpose that's not scientific at all.
A chain of "family friendly restaurants" was one of the first in Denmark to call their costumers "quests". From the ideology that the waiters should treat them as they would their own guests. Which. For. Every. Dane. I've. EVER. Heard. Of. Includes. Offering. Food! No you don't get "forcefed" outside normal eating-hours as some other places. And yes if you come unannounced, and stay past dinner-time (without it beeing offered freely) it's considered rude; since we are then more or less obligated to feed you, which could mean having to use the food bought for the day after when actual invited guests came over. Think the amateaur historian was so keen on explaining the historical aspect, that he forgot to fact-check wheather the whole premise is actually true: "Is it unlikely to be fed in northern germanic countries?": No! It is just interacted different. Which he should be well aware of when also calling himself "sociologist"...
That 'tomato' guy has no idea how seasons work. Try to "pick" one in February, dude.
Yes and he's thinking about the south of Italy. Try to live on the Alpine mountains and go outside to pick up a tomato... Same thing applies for Spain, Greece... It's not all "sun, sea, sand"
Load More Replies... My great-grandparents came right off the boat from Germany. And having visited the North Dakota town where they settled (predominantly German immigrants), not only would the older generations ensure you get fed (and given coffee...sometimes coffee visits last for hours), but at some places it would be an event. Dropping in Great Aunt Lillian's, for example, meant coffee for the grown ups, Kool-aid for the kids, at least two different types of sweet quick breads, at least five different types of cookies, and pie. All served in fancy china cups, not simple mugs.
No fancy china but similar in Polish and Slovak families where I grew up. We still feed you. Generation doesn't matter. Come to my house. I'll demonstrate. Would you like cinnamon cookies, shortbread, homemade bread wiith butter or homemade jam, an oh yeah, a choice of beverages, nuts, cheeses?
Load More Replies... Czech here. Can't speak for other households but if someone visit us they are always offered a coffee or tea (or any other drink they please), usually some alcoholic beverage too and very often a food as well. Basically if we are having lunch/dinning they eat with us. We usually prepare stuff to serve to our guests too. With unexpected visitors is more complicated but nothing the improvisation couldn't solve! Also when I was visiting someone it was pretty similar
Finland: there was only the nearest neighbourgs family that didn't feed me as a child, as it was easy to go home to eat. They were the odd ones. Everywhere else I got food. I think it has to do with money in part. If your children have a group of friends over everyday it is expensive to feed them all the time. One child now and then is usually given food in my experience.
Thanks for explaining it in this way! It is making so much sense. I am used to making sure everyone around me is fed. So when I moved to ND and the neighbor kids came over, I had snacks for them too. When the parents came by to pick up their kids, they were very surprised and expressed their guilt for me feeding their kids. I told them there is nothing to worry about, I enjoy having them around and it's no problem. I also notice my kids aren't offered food at other kids houses nearby so this must be why too. Our area has a lot of norweigan and scandi history. Wayyy different from my upbringing where people always have food for you even when your not hungry and you eat to be polite haha
America is a mix. I feed other people's children constantly. They let my kids starve at their homes. Thus the kids always want to hang here. Mission accomplished.
Navetta heard this happening hereillä in finland! Neither on country or in "city"
Northern german here. This map is wrong. It is common to be invited to share the meal if you're at a friends place. I asked around in my friend group and everyone agrees that it would be really weird if one was not invited to share the meal, so yeah... that amateur sociologist really IS an amateur. Everyone saying they're German and didn't get food at their friends houses as a kid: Dann waren die Eltern deiner Freunde arrogante Alöcher oder anderweitig weird. Oder Geiz-Schwaben. lel
Australian. Someone drops by even if uninvited you offers them tea or coffee with biscuits, cake if you’ve got some, friends get offered a snack good friends & family get invited to stay for dinner. All the Greek & Italian friends I’ve ever had, first words out of their moth when you walk-in. “Have you eaten” doesn’t matter what time it is, even if you just had a 3 course dinner you still get a plate of food shoved in your hand, I would have married a nice Greek guy I had a crush on as a teenager except I would have gotten so fat, his mother thought I was too skinny so every time I was there she was trying to feed me & sending me home with doggy bags.
Wow - as someone who was raised in a household where Food=Love, this is so weird. If a guest came to my father's house and left without eating anything, my father would feel insulted for the guest rejecting hospitality. Knowing other countries do it differently is just weird. Also - my diet would be so much happier if my family was swede - i was doing a lot of family visits the other week and I gains 2 pounds...
Netherlands here, almost everyone I know always has some snacks in case a visitor stops by. And unless they're terribly poor you'll get asked if you ate yet if your arrive around dinner time. Answer no and you'll pretty much be forced to eat there. Not a regional thing either, I have friends all over the country due to moving a few times.
Danish here... I'm sorry but it is so wrong, i have NEVER heard or seen anyone who didnt get food when they were with friends, even uninvited, and i dont know anyone who wouldnt offer food, if there was food in the table, and there is a guest, er often even offers food, just because ppl might be Hungry.... I know me and my familie does, and everyone i know🤷
This whole thing is so unbelievably stupid. Most kids visiting friends today will get food, why? Because the parents can easily contact each other. It is rude to feed someone's kid without their parents being made aware. Dietary restrictions, food plans at home, late notice etc. -Norwegian who ate at friends houses 6/10 times. 4/10 times I did not eat was due to short notice and pre planning on the part of my friends parents. People being appalled by this seems to be unable to understand that there might be reasons for and differing views on what is considered rude and accepted.
Cultural differences imbedded for 100s of years? Own your brain people. I was raised to be respectful and dutiful but not to the point of being taken advantage of. You can all expect me to be a fantastic host. I will feed you and your children
I have a background of both German and Norwegian, and in my experience turning up at mealtimes unexpectedly is considered rude - far more rude than not feeding somebody. And more so in Norway than in Germany. Dinnertime is a real big thing, culturally. It is the core of family life, and most Norwegian families built their days around meeting and having quality time with their core family for dinner. It's intrusive of you to try and be included - unless you are such a close friend that you are also considered family. But if you give advance warning, preferably at least a day in advance, nobody will turn you away. And as a rule of thumb, be direct! We don't want to spend time and effort deciphering your wants and needs. You have words, use them and tell us 'I am hungry, do you have some food?' and we will feed you. Just don't expect fancy foods!
Completely untrue for the North part of France and Belgium (deemed "unlikely to give you food" here). Their culture nowadays has very little to do with Norse culture, and they're not even Protestant (some are very Catholic on the contrary). For generations they have been fishermen, farmers, miners, factory workers - not very rich people in general, but if you go to their home you're going to eat a lot because hospitality, generosity and solidarity are not empty words to them. Same goes for England I guess.
Living in the southeast USA, we offer drinks to literally EVERYONE and anyone who comes inside the house. Like even the maintenance guy or something, anyone, anytime, any circumstances. But food is only offered if it's a mealtime or if someone has traveled over 3 hours to get to you. With kids it is always dependant on a lot of factors though.
Austrian here: At least in the rural area I live it's common to get cake or something sweet if you visit someone (even if you show up surprisingly). Lunch depends if we already ate and if there is anything left. Dinner usually yes, but don't be surprised we usually have ham, bacon, cheese and so on for dinner. When kid play somewhere they eat at the place they are, unless the parents agreed otherwise.
As an Italian I can testify that if we have food in the house we will offer it to you, if we are about to have dinner we will ask you to join us, that's default. My personal opinion about it: it's very common in Italy (and I think in most Mediterranean countries) to cook/prepare from scratch both lunch and dinner, while, as far as I know, northern countries tend to eat much less for dinner, like leftovers from lunch or a sandwich (correct me if I'm wrong). With that in mind, if mom is about to start cooking dinner, she will ask her kid's friend if they want to join, because adding a little more pasta to the quantity you're already preparing is not a big deal. But if all you have is leftovers, they might be not enough for one more person and giving them just a simple sandwich might appear "rude" so they won't ask them to stay. What do you think?
In scandi countries the only hot meal is dinner, which is usually prepared in the late afternoon. Sometime between 16 and 18 o'clock. Breakfast and lunch is usually cold foods such as bread and cheese or yoghurt. In Germany traditionally the hot meal is at noon (12-14), with cold foods for breakfast and evening meals. Also: lunch culture in Scandi countries is that you don't leave your place of work or education for it. You generally pack lunch. Of course you only pack enough for 1 person.
Load More Replies... Um... Poland isn't the warmest place on earth, and they're very into feeding everyone! You still do, per my family, who're taking on costs of feeding refugees from Ukraine without a blink. So I think it's a foolish theory ("cold = no hospitality"). I've never been anywhere that food isn't offered, no matter the poverty level or average tempreature!
They just made a joke about this in the first episode of Mz Marvel. You had a friend leave when it's time for dinner while apologising. The mother then left the room for a few seconds and came back with a bag of what looked like four or five plastic containers full to the brim.
awesome example of being dumb and jerk in the same time: we know we still won't feed you, but here is a stupidly defying explanation, to make sure we do this intentionally, to humiliate you.
Feeding would be humiliating apparently ages ago. I remember stories from my mom about her mom in Holland in the 1920s, 1930s. Then it was normal to feed others, because they were poor and had nothing to eat. Now if ppl have no job, they get govt money and a house and unless you know that someone is poor, you're not gonna feed em. You can also give money or a bag of food. Or you invite friends for dinner. It's rude to just drop by and expect someone to cook for you. It's a rotten job, everyone hates. Lol once an Indonesian guy dropped by, so I offered him food. He didn't eat it. A Yugoslavian war criminal called our national dishes inhumane torture. It's never good w those ppl. You give em and they don't like it lol.
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