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Mom Wants To Be Included In This Father-Daughter Camping Trip, Ruins It By Making It About Her
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Mom Wants To Be Included In This Father-Daughter Camping Trip, Ruins It By Making It About Her

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This incident comes from a 16-year-old teen who prepared the sweetest gift for her dad for Father’s Day—a camping trip for which she saved for months. And when her mom heard about their plans, she couldn’t miss a chance to participate, although normally, when she hears about “camping, her immediate reaction is ‘ew, no way.'”

But sooner than the author of this post knew it, her mother was already doing the trip her own way, from foods only she liked to activities she would shut down because “it would inconvenience her.”

As you can imagine, the vibe at the campsite was not the best, and the family drama escalated up to a boiling point when the mom just told the author to go and play with kids nearby. That’s when the daughter had enough and laid all that she thought out on the table.

Now she’s asking the dear people of the internet if it was an overreaction, so let us know what you think in the comments!

Image credits: Karoly Lorentey (not the actual photo)

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The author added that even though the mom isn’t her biological mother, she has been treating her like she was

And this is what people had to comment in response to the story

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iblowsheep avatar
iblowsheep
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think mom is a narcissist, and dad should have stepped in on his daughter's behalf. He probably didn't because he has to suffer the consequences of his wife's narcissism too. likely his calling out his daughter's comments was more about self preservation than really thinking she was TA. But then again, maybe the girl has the situation distorted a bit being young and having a still developing brain it might not be too far fetched.

elizabeth_foga avatar
Bettie-Jean Neal
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You hit it right on the nose. This is my own family dynamic, except bio-mom and step-dad. She too turns on the tears when you tell her about herself and point out her wrongdoing. Totally turns it back around.

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jenniferhanks avatar
Jennifer Hanks
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First, what a thoughtful and loving daughter you are! A gift like that from one of my sons would make my YEAR! Secondly, if my husband said, "I want to go too" on my special Mother's Day trip, I would have gently suggested that we plan another trip for the whole family as I would understand my child's intention. In my view, your dad should have seen your desire to have this special trip with him, giving him what HE liked at great cost to you, and protected and cherished that time. You were generous to include her, even though it messed up your plans and your budget. I'm so sorry they didn't see that - parents mess up all the time, just like everybody else! You are a special young lady - keep being the lovely, giving young person you obviously are!

christopheferreira avatar
kurisutofu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would feel so betrayed by the dad. He's not even capable of understanding that she did that for him... That would be my last present for him, ever.

caseyb avatar
Casey B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

@John C you speak of "leveling" as if it's a positive parenting technique, it's not. Children are meant to be lifted up higher than ourselves. The dad's attempt at leveling would have brought his daughter down to the same selfish, immature level as his wife.

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wds2111 avatar
Wendy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The mother sounds like the A here, especially when expecting a 16 year old to buy extra groceries. It sounds like the mother was trying to bully and punish the daughter for planning a father/daughter trip.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or she resented the fact that this kid wanted to do something big for the dad and make big sacrifices for a kid of that age just to make dad happy... but had never done anything of the kind for her. But she's the adult, part of being a kid is forgiving kids for being immature.

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degueb avatar
De Gueb
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So sweet that a 16 year old girls went to the effort to pay for a trip to spend some time with her Dad. I don't have kids but if I did I'd want a daughter like you.

loraliechase avatar
Loralie Chase
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not sure why you were downvoted but I wanted to let you know that I think that girl would really appreciate you saying that.

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dremosley avatar
Dre Mosley
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Step mom is a narcissistic asshole. Daddy should have grown a pair and stood up for his daughter. It's okay to call out your spouse when they're acting inappropriately.

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think her issue is one of lack of self confidence. She doesn't want to be excluded from everything because she feels like she's being treated as an outsider. I would have told her from the beginning that it was just a father-daughter trip and that maybe in the future you all could go camping as a family, but that you just want some alone time with dad. If she got snotty about it after that, it says more about her insecurities than your attitude. That being said, it was quite rude of her to make herself out to be the center of attention during a trip that she never paid for. You were NTA. Your step-mom needs to get over it.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I believe mother was told from the beginning that it was a father-daughter camping weekend, and felt excluded, and you know, it is possible that there was an intent to exclude her, whether it was conscious or not. Some kids think it's okay to treat stepparents that way, or even parents, but the mother reacted by trying to exclude the kid in turn, and made it all worse.

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jerry-mathers-73 avatar
Jerry Mathers
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Here's hoping that the dad understands how special that gift was and treats his daughter to same trip she was planning for him without the mama coming. As a father of a 15 year old, that gift would mean the world to me. And I would want it to happen. So Dad, if you ever read this, get on it. That trip is worth more than a bag of gold coins and memories you two would have would be priceless.

neilbidle avatar
Neil Bidle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom is DEFINITELY the asshat here, daughter should have been firm that it was just her and dad the moment this woman asked. Equally, the dad should have stood up for his daughter and told his girlfriend that she wasn't going.

rahni avatar
Rannveig Ess
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The father needs to grow a pair, but he won't. The "victims" of narcissists (and addicts) are often just as sick and don't mind being "controlled". It's that Co-Dependent thing. I hope with all my heart the daughter sees this toxic pile of manure that her parents are and flees as soon as she can and makes a happy life with people who truly know how to give. She sounds like a wonderful person, and level headed. It hurts like hell when those who are supposed to love you, don't, but it's easier to find out and grow than go your whole life trying to pretend it isn't so.

leighm avatar
Dodo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh jeez, this feels like my mother. Total narcissist and my dad will do anything to keep the peace with her.

katie-trondsen avatar
KT
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Learn how to say no to people, its hard at first but it will improve your happiness greatly and this whole disaster could have been avoided

laurabrown avatar
Laura Brown
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is a major manipulator and will continue doing the rest of your life, you are definitely NTA!

fuyu avatar
fu yu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lord, I wish the father had used some sound reasoning. To side with the wife like that is unacceptable.

bcgrote avatar
Brandy Grote
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom was a jerk. Then she wanted "alone time with Dad", nudge nudge wink wink, and the daughter didn't catch that. She shouldn't have to, she should have told mom no, remember how much you HATE camping? I agree, save money to move out.

katlia avatar
kat lia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her mom act like a child, very immature and very selfish. Her dad should see that.

renskedejonge9 avatar
Flip
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

And then what? She said on reddit they have to walk on egg shells around her. She won't talk for days when she's mad. He can't side with his daughter if he doesn't want it to blow up and she has been the one who raised his kids, so he could work, so you have to be grateful. I don't understand why the daughter planned this trip. You can only do that if you have a normal mom. The whole thing is crazy. She has no job and only does 1/3 of the household and the 16 y o works and does 1/3 of the household and pays the trip from her earned money. When I was 16 my mom and dad worked, they paid the holiday and I could take a friend along.

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tracysellars avatar
Tracy Sellars
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why isn't the father stepping in? He is an adult and is witnessing what is going on.

tgsbbh avatar
ToGo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was a sad read. Most of the time it's like pulling teeth getting a teenager to spend time with their parents but this guy has a daughter who put so much effort in just to have a special day together. I'm sad because the dad didn't see how much of a privilege he was given and I'm sad that mother was so incredibly selfish. If they wanted a romantic get away they should have planned something themselves. The writer is NTA in this at all.

patrickspringer avatar
patrick springer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unfortunately this is the result of the broken family structure and the unhappiness it causes. Notice how the first question from the teenager is "Am I the AH?" No, the adults are the ones at fault. They created a mess and brought her into it. It's on the adults to clean it up.

nfrlprdpr avatar
Mazer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The things we literally sacrifice our childrens health and well being for. Women do it all the time they know that they should leave their abusive husbands and they never do and the kids suffer. This was a good story and it was good to share it. And I hope that the mother can see the negative impacts she’s having on this young kid. It appears that the mother sees the daughter as competition for attention. The mom is insecure enough to be fragile. Sad sad sad

susanpoisson avatar
Suebee70
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stepmom is jealous of daughter's relationship with Dad. NTA.

pantea avatar
Pantea
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What kind of a mother let a child pay for food that she wants for herself?! My "little" brother is 38 now and I still don't feel comfortable letting him pay for my coffee!

stevensedwards avatar
Hannah Edwards
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the mum completely missed the point of the trip and is maybe a bit insecure.

hjdashiell avatar
Paradise
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like my mom. I used to go to dinner (Italian) and see the Nutcracker with my dad almost annually for years and it was my last time, as I was an adult moving on. My mom said she wanted to go, then decided the restaurant. Couldn't understand why I was mad. But dad was an ass, too.

tessasilva489 avatar
sam puckett
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom is narcissistic and dad didn't back you up. From her actions now, I recommend you watch your back, you don't know what she's capable of and something tells me she doesn't like you. Something tells me she's crazy and needs to be locked away.

lizmolloy1969 avatar
Elizabeth Molloy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother would say cruel things and ignore any achievements I had made, then put on an innocent face and day "but I love you darling!". No-one needs that crap in their lives!

mjw0sysascend_com avatar
lara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your mom does not respect you and, unfortunately, neither does your dad. You are not the AH. There is a lot of family dynamic going on here that erupted over something that wasn't that "important". The fact that it was important to you, was ignored by both your mom and your dad. Your dad failed to realize how important this was to you and ignored your feelings to "tend" to his wife. Same for your mom. This has been going on for a long time and this event only brought it to the surface.

manuelamartins avatar
Manuela Martins
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Funny, I thought immediately that she might be a horror stepmother before you posted the update. Not a good example of a mother figure, in this case, at least. And dad seems a bit weak.

blatherskitenoir avatar
blatherskitenoir
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have the inkling that mom wanted a vacation. A grown up weekend getaway. But a vacation wasn't in the budget, and no one likes being left out, so she latched on to this when she shouldn't have, and of course, didn't like it. She was pouting that cake wasn't wine. Then, rather than appreciating cake for itself and realizing it would never be wine, she tried to make it be wine and wound up with nothing good.

dcloud1943 avatar
Dorothy Cloud
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agreed with the people that were against the Mother's intrusion into a day for your father. It's terrible she was so selfish & ruined the day.

chrissprucefield avatar
Chris Sprucefield
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA - Not a chance. Parents can be complete AH's, and they are in no way immune from criticism if and where deserved...

alicewiedrick avatar
Chloe *Leah* Pheonix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's betrayal. Would be my last present. I dont care if you come with, as long as you dont be narcissistic and make a father daughter trip about you.

deetag123 avatar
Dee Tag
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you do not want someone to do something, tell them in a gentle kind way. This could have all been avoided had she said from the very start that she wanted a father/daughter camp trip. When you hold your feelings in, it comes out like a wrecking ball. Just speak up.

leahburgoon avatar
Yep. Yep. Yep.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You don't have a narcissist for a mother, do you? You don't tell them anything, gentle or not. They tell you and you grit your teeth until you can get away from them. You either bend voluntarily or you're forced to bend. Emotions, good or bad, are weaponized for use for now or later. Every waking breath is like walking through a minefield of crippling anxiety.

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mekalaw avatar
EVERLEIGH
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Theeeeen, this wasn't a father-daughter camping trip if the mom was there.

evelyn_haskins_7 avatar
Evelyn Haskins
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe, just maybe, your mother was worried about your and your dad's intention?? Maybe your Dad was as well? Incest is NOT uncommon. You should have asked your Dad first -- and probably your Mum as well

leahburgoon avatar
Yep. Yep. Yep.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, well I had this mother and it was hell. We weren't allowed to be alone with any man, including our father or grandfather, because you never know what may happen. The f**k! If you feel that way divorce, but she didn't have to work even after her kids were grown and she wasn't about to start after thirty years of marriage. (There's a huge gap between sets of siblings.) My mom was a narcissist and that's how she kept my dad in control. He would never and none of us girls thought for a minute he would, but it was part of my mom's little games to keep everyone under control

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sanchorb avatar
LSR
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about living privately? F*****g nowadays imbeciles have to share even when they take a dump.

mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
anarkzie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think this is an issue of a breakdown in communication. I'm not sticking up for the mum but when she heard that you where taking your dad she clearly thought that it was a family trip, which you not wanting to hurt her feelings allowed her to believe. See probably did not realise that she was poo pooing all of your suggestions because you were not asserting yourself, does not make you an arsehole but it was probably not clear to her that she was over stepping boundaries. I'm seeing a lot of the top comment saying that the dad should have defended her but in all likely hood he probably was not picking up on this friction between both women and only saw a problem when you his daughter got feed up and shouted at his wife, which probably for him came out of nowhere.

jjbuddhabrot avatar
JJ Buddhabrot
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being an ahole or not isn't the issue here. That's a disfunctional family.

kjellbergh avatar
Kjell Bergh
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Typical female behavior. They always make everything about them selves. And if you protest the start crying and gossiping about you behind your back to destroy your reputation.

betakrankusov avatar
snipergun
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

It looks clear from the story, but I go with what your dad said. If it really was like you describe I believe he would back you up or talk to your mom even before trip, etc. Instead he said she doesn't deserve that. Is it possible there's something going on you're missing? I'm sure your dad wouldn't want your weekend being ruined but his reaction seems important here. Remember, you can be an asshole just by simply making mistake, but you don't need to stay asshole. And for sure don't stay mad.

renskedejonge9 avatar
Flip
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He would back her up? A normal dad wouldn't let his daughter work and pay the trip, while his wife can sit on her ass and gets treated like a kid. She doesn't even have a job and she isn't a housewife.

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david_smojver avatar
Dave
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

The kid should have been taken away from the mother when the mother separated from the father because she is clearly a Malignant Narcissistic Psychopath.

loraliechase avatar
Loralie Chase
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The original mother has nothing to do with it except the fact that the woman in the story isn't the girls bio mom

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iblowsheep avatar
iblowsheep
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think mom is a narcissist, and dad should have stepped in on his daughter's behalf. He probably didn't because he has to suffer the consequences of his wife's narcissism too. likely his calling out his daughter's comments was more about self preservation than really thinking she was TA. But then again, maybe the girl has the situation distorted a bit being young and having a still developing brain it might not be too far fetched.

elizabeth_foga avatar
Bettie-Jean Neal
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You hit it right on the nose. This is my own family dynamic, except bio-mom and step-dad. She too turns on the tears when you tell her about herself and point out her wrongdoing. Totally turns it back around.

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jenniferhanks avatar
Jennifer Hanks
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First, what a thoughtful and loving daughter you are! A gift like that from one of my sons would make my YEAR! Secondly, if my husband said, "I want to go too" on my special Mother's Day trip, I would have gently suggested that we plan another trip for the whole family as I would understand my child's intention. In my view, your dad should have seen your desire to have this special trip with him, giving him what HE liked at great cost to you, and protected and cherished that time. You were generous to include her, even though it messed up your plans and your budget. I'm so sorry they didn't see that - parents mess up all the time, just like everybody else! You are a special young lady - keep being the lovely, giving young person you obviously are!

christopheferreira avatar
kurisutofu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would feel so betrayed by the dad. He's not even capable of understanding that she did that for him... That would be my last present for him, ever.

caseyb avatar
Casey B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

@John C you speak of "leveling" as if it's a positive parenting technique, it's not. Children are meant to be lifted up higher than ourselves. The dad's attempt at leveling would have brought his daughter down to the same selfish, immature level as his wife.

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wds2111 avatar
Wendy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The mother sounds like the A here, especially when expecting a 16 year old to buy extra groceries. It sounds like the mother was trying to bully and punish the daughter for planning a father/daughter trip.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or she resented the fact that this kid wanted to do something big for the dad and make big sacrifices for a kid of that age just to make dad happy... but had never done anything of the kind for her. But she's the adult, part of being a kid is forgiving kids for being immature.

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degueb avatar
De Gueb
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So sweet that a 16 year old girls went to the effort to pay for a trip to spend some time with her Dad. I don't have kids but if I did I'd want a daughter like you.

loraliechase avatar
Loralie Chase
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not sure why you were downvoted but I wanted to let you know that I think that girl would really appreciate you saying that.

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dremosley avatar
Dre Mosley
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Step mom is a narcissistic asshole. Daddy should have grown a pair and stood up for his daughter. It's okay to call out your spouse when they're acting inappropriately.

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think her issue is one of lack of self confidence. She doesn't want to be excluded from everything because she feels like she's being treated as an outsider. I would have told her from the beginning that it was just a father-daughter trip and that maybe in the future you all could go camping as a family, but that you just want some alone time with dad. If she got snotty about it after that, it says more about her insecurities than your attitude. That being said, it was quite rude of her to make herself out to be the center of attention during a trip that she never paid for. You were NTA. Your step-mom needs to get over it.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I believe mother was told from the beginning that it was a father-daughter camping weekend, and felt excluded, and you know, it is possible that there was an intent to exclude her, whether it was conscious or not. Some kids think it's okay to treat stepparents that way, or even parents, but the mother reacted by trying to exclude the kid in turn, and made it all worse.

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jerry-mathers-73 avatar
Jerry Mathers
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Here's hoping that the dad understands how special that gift was and treats his daughter to same trip she was planning for him without the mama coming. As a father of a 15 year old, that gift would mean the world to me. And I would want it to happen. So Dad, if you ever read this, get on it. That trip is worth more than a bag of gold coins and memories you two would have would be priceless.

neilbidle avatar
Neil Bidle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom is DEFINITELY the asshat here, daughter should have been firm that it was just her and dad the moment this woman asked. Equally, the dad should have stood up for his daughter and told his girlfriend that she wasn't going.

rahni avatar
Rannveig Ess
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The father needs to grow a pair, but he won't. The "victims" of narcissists (and addicts) are often just as sick and don't mind being "controlled". It's that Co-Dependent thing. I hope with all my heart the daughter sees this toxic pile of manure that her parents are and flees as soon as she can and makes a happy life with people who truly know how to give. She sounds like a wonderful person, and level headed. It hurts like hell when those who are supposed to love you, don't, but it's easier to find out and grow than go your whole life trying to pretend it isn't so.

leighm avatar
Dodo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh jeez, this feels like my mother. Total narcissist and my dad will do anything to keep the peace with her.

katie-trondsen avatar
KT
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Learn how to say no to people, its hard at first but it will improve your happiness greatly and this whole disaster could have been avoided

laurabrown avatar
Laura Brown
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is a major manipulator and will continue doing the rest of your life, you are definitely NTA!

fuyu avatar
fu yu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lord, I wish the father had used some sound reasoning. To side with the wife like that is unacceptable.

bcgrote avatar
Brandy Grote
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom was a jerk. Then she wanted "alone time with Dad", nudge nudge wink wink, and the daughter didn't catch that. She shouldn't have to, she should have told mom no, remember how much you HATE camping? I agree, save money to move out.

katlia avatar
kat lia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her mom act like a child, very immature and very selfish. Her dad should see that.

renskedejonge9 avatar
Flip
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

And then what? She said on reddit they have to walk on egg shells around her. She won't talk for days when she's mad. He can't side with his daughter if he doesn't want it to blow up and she has been the one who raised his kids, so he could work, so you have to be grateful. I don't understand why the daughter planned this trip. You can only do that if you have a normal mom. The whole thing is crazy. She has no job and only does 1/3 of the household and the 16 y o works and does 1/3 of the household and pays the trip from her earned money. When I was 16 my mom and dad worked, they paid the holiday and I could take a friend along.

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tracysellars avatar
Tracy Sellars
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why isn't the father stepping in? He is an adult and is witnessing what is going on.

tgsbbh avatar
ToGo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was a sad read. Most of the time it's like pulling teeth getting a teenager to spend time with their parents but this guy has a daughter who put so much effort in just to have a special day together. I'm sad because the dad didn't see how much of a privilege he was given and I'm sad that mother was so incredibly selfish. If they wanted a romantic get away they should have planned something themselves. The writer is NTA in this at all.

patrickspringer avatar
patrick springer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unfortunately this is the result of the broken family structure and the unhappiness it causes. Notice how the first question from the teenager is "Am I the AH?" No, the adults are the ones at fault. They created a mess and brought her into it. It's on the adults to clean it up.

nfrlprdpr avatar
Mazer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The things we literally sacrifice our childrens health and well being for. Women do it all the time they know that they should leave their abusive husbands and they never do and the kids suffer. This was a good story and it was good to share it. And I hope that the mother can see the negative impacts she’s having on this young kid. It appears that the mother sees the daughter as competition for attention. The mom is insecure enough to be fragile. Sad sad sad

susanpoisson avatar
Suebee70
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stepmom is jealous of daughter's relationship with Dad. NTA.

pantea avatar
Pantea
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What kind of a mother let a child pay for food that she wants for herself?! My "little" brother is 38 now and I still don't feel comfortable letting him pay for my coffee!

stevensedwards avatar
Hannah Edwards
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the mum completely missed the point of the trip and is maybe a bit insecure.

hjdashiell avatar
Paradise
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like my mom. I used to go to dinner (Italian) and see the Nutcracker with my dad almost annually for years and it was my last time, as I was an adult moving on. My mom said she wanted to go, then decided the restaurant. Couldn't understand why I was mad. But dad was an ass, too.

tessasilva489 avatar
sam puckett
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom is narcissistic and dad didn't back you up. From her actions now, I recommend you watch your back, you don't know what she's capable of and something tells me she doesn't like you. Something tells me she's crazy and needs to be locked away.

lizmolloy1969 avatar
Elizabeth Molloy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother would say cruel things and ignore any achievements I had made, then put on an innocent face and day "but I love you darling!". No-one needs that crap in their lives!

mjw0sysascend_com avatar
lara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your mom does not respect you and, unfortunately, neither does your dad. You are not the AH. There is a lot of family dynamic going on here that erupted over something that wasn't that "important". The fact that it was important to you, was ignored by both your mom and your dad. Your dad failed to realize how important this was to you and ignored your feelings to "tend" to his wife. Same for your mom. This has been going on for a long time and this event only brought it to the surface.

manuelamartins avatar
Manuela Martins
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Funny, I thought immediately that she might be a horror stepmother before you posted the update. Not a good example of a mother figure, in this case, at least. And dad seems a bit weak.

blatherskitenoir avatar
blatherskitenoir
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have the inkling that mom wanted a vacation. A grown up weekend getaway. But a vacation wasn't in the budget, and no one likes being left out, so she latched on to this when she shouldn't have, and of course, didn't like it. She was pouting that cake wasn't wine. Then, rather than appreciating cake for itself and realizing it would never be wine, she tried to make it be wine and wound up with nothing good.

dcloud1943 avatar
Dorothy Cloud
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agreed with the people that were against the Mother's intrusion into a day for your father. It's terrible she was so selfish & ruined the day.

chrissprucefield avatar
Chris Sprucefield
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA - Not a chance. Parents can be complete AH's, and they are in no way immune from criticism if and where deserved...

alicewiedrick avatar
Chloe *Leah* Pheonix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's betrayal. Would be my last present. I dont care if you come with, as long as you dont be narcissistic and make a father daughter trip about you.

deetag123 avatar
Dee Tag
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you do not want someone to do something, tell them in a gentle kind way. This could have all been avoided had she said from the very start that she wanted a father/daughter camp trip. When you hold your feelings in, it comes out like a wrecking ball. Just speak up.

leahburgoon avatar
Yep. Yep. Yep.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You don't have a narcissist for a mother, do you? You don't tell them anything, gentle or not. They tell you and you grit your teeth until you can get away from them. You either bend voluntarily or you're forced to bend. Emotions, good or bad, are weaponized for use for now or later. Every waking breath is like walking through a minefield of crippling anxiety.

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EVERLEIGH
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Theeeeen, this wasn't a father-daughter camping trip if the mom was there.

evelyn_haskins_7 avatar
Evelyn Haskins
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe, just maybe, your mother was worried about your and your dad's intention?? Maybe your Dad was as well? Incest is NOT uncommon. You should have asked your Dad first -- and probably your Mum as well

leahburgoon avatar
Yep. Yep. Yep.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, well I had this mother and it was hell. We weren't allowed to be alone with any man, including our father or grandfather, because you never know what may happen. The f**k! If you feel that way divorce, but she didn't have to work even after her kids were grown and she wasn't about to start after thirty years of marriage. (There's a huge gap between sets of siblings.) My mom was a narcissist and that's how she kept my dad in control. He would never and none of us girls thought for a minute he would, but it was part of my mom's little games to keep everyone under control

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LSR
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about living privately? F*****g nowadays imbeciles have to share even when they take a dump.

mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
anarkzie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think this is an issue of a breakdown in communication. I'm not sticking up for the mum but when she heard that you where taking your dad she clearly thought that it was a family trip, which you not wanting to hurt her feelings allowed her to believe. See probably did not realise that she was poo pooing all of your suggestions because you were not asserting yourself, does not make you an arsehole but it was probably not clear to her that she was over stepping boundaries. I'm seeing a lot of the top comment saying that the dad should have defended her but in all likely hood he probably was not picking up on this friction between both women and only saw a problem when you his daughter got feed up and shouted at his wife, which probably for him came out of nowhere.

jjbuddhabrot avatar
JJ Buddhabrot
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being an ahole or not isn't the issue here. That's a disfunctional family.

kjellbergh avatar
Kjell Bergh
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Typical female behavior. They always make everything about them selves. And if you protest the start crying and gossiping about you behind your back to destroy your reputation.

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snipergun
Community Member
2 years ago

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It looks clear from the story, but I go with what your dad said. If it really was like you describe I believe he would back you up or talk to your mom even before trip, etc. Instead he said she doesn't deserve that. Is it possible there's something going on you're missing? I'm sure your dad wouldn't want your weekend being ruined but his reaction seems important here. Remember, you can be an asshole just by simply making mistake, but you don't need to stay asshole. And for sure don't stay mad.

renskedejonge9 avatar
Flip
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He would back her up? A normal dad wouldn't let his daughter work and pay the trip, while his wife can sit on her ass and gets treated like a kid. She doesn't even have a job and she isn't a housewife.

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Dave
Community Member
2 years ago

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The kid should have been taken away from the mother when the mother separated from the father because she is clearly a Malignant Narcissistic Psychopath.

loraliechase avatar
Loralie Chase
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The original mother has nothing to do with it except the fact that the woman in the story isn't the girls bio mom

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