“I Haven’t Been Able To Sleep Since Then”: Neighbors Claim Dad’s Brainwashing His 5 Y.O. Daughter By Encouraging Her Wish To Be A Housewife
While people never really stop dreaming, the most dreaming that they ever do is as kids. And, more often than not, they dream of what things will be like in their personal futures, things like what they will be and what they will do for a living. It’s only normal.
But what would you do if your kid started dreaming of being a housewife? Would you as a parent and a grown-up, aware of all of the social nuances of the “vocation”, be supportive of the idea, would you have a talk, or would you try to silence it?
More Info: Reddit
The sky’s the limit for what kids want to be when they grow up—and if they want to be housewives, who are we to judge, right?
Image source: rosarito_82 (not the actual photo)
This one Reddit user with a throwaway account (a one-off account, very often created for just one post for privacy reasons) has recently shared a conundrum he was facing.
In particular, OP is a dad of a 5-year-old girl who is a dreamer—one who sounds like she wants to achieve a lot of great things in life because of how many things she has wanted to be in life.
Everything from teacher to truck driver to photographer to “knee doctor”—you name it, she has had dreams about becoming it at one point or another. And this is usually influenced by TV or the people she meets. And the dad tries to support her in any way he can, getting her outfits and tools for each profession and whatnot.
This is exactly what this one kid wanted, and this dad had to listen to an hour-long lecture from the neighbors about it
Image Credits: u/throwawayaita97
Well, this time around, OP’s friend was recently over and the little girl asked her what she does for a living. The answer was housewife. Immediately, the little girl assumed the role of housewife and now “has 3 kids that she helps with homework and teaches them manners, and each one of them has a food allergy.”
Adorable beyond belief.
So, fast forward a few days later, the dad and the daughter were returning from the grocery store when they met the neighbors. A chat ensued, during which the neighbors asked the daughter what she was up to, and they got a very housewifey answer: “back from the grocery store to make dinner for her husband and children.”
Image Credits: u/throwawayaita97
Image source: Wonderlane (not the actual photo)
Got weird looks, but weird he can tolerate, so all was well. Or was it?
A few hours later, there was a knock on the door. Lo and behold, the neighbors came over to OP’s house to give him a piece of their mind. This quickly turned into an hour-long lecture about how wrong it is that the dad’s encouraging this and how harmful it is to the daughter.
“They told me we aren’t in the ’60s anymore and young girls shouldn’t dream about being housewives anymore,” elaborated OP in his post. They apparently also started demanding he stops brainwashing the kid or she’ll start “settling for being a housewife” instead of dreaming big.
The words stuck with him; he couldn’t sleep. You see, he’s a single dad, as the mom wanted nothing to do with her, so raising a kid for him is an extra hard struggle, and most of the time he has no idea if he’s doing it right. And this lecture left him even more conflicted, which led to the post on the Am I The A-Hole community.
Commenters were having none of it, supporting OP and saying that it’s none of the neighbors’ business what the kids wants in life
It goes without saying that the AITA community was all in support of the dad, saying that he’s not the a-hole in this situation. In any way possible.
First of all, folks pointed out that what the dad is doing not necessarily encouraging her wish to be a housewife as much as he’s just being supportive. And there ain’t nothing wrong with that.
Others pointed out that there are people who enjoy being housewifes, stay at home moms, and the like, and that is a choice, one that cannot be dictated by any lectures by neighbors.
But, by far, the biggest question folks had was how dare they come over and tell you how to live your life, or how your daughter ought to live hers. Also, super creepy neighbors, if anything.
The community was very supportive of OP, with the post getting a good handful of Reddit awards and over 6,000 upvotes, though judging by the top comment (having received nearly 16,000 upvotes), more people have seen it overall.
You can read the post in context here, and take a look at our vast assortment of Am I The A-Hole articles here. But not without giving us your two cents on the matter in the comment section below!
To me, the whole point of feminism is that women should have choices. Including being a housewife if they want.
Exactly. The entire point of feminism is to erase traditional gender roles as the expectation and let everyone (men, women and everyone in between) be as 'masculine' or 'feminine' as they want without criticism or mockery. I feel like most people misunderstand just what feminism is actually about.
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My daughter at that age was playing house with another girl and 2 boys. You'd expect one of the boys to be the dad, right? Nope. My daughter was the dad, the other girl was the mom. The boys were on all fours barking, because they were the dogs.
NTA. The girl is 5. He encourages her in all the other things she wants to be and this is just one of them. Next week she'll want to be a judge or a firefighter.
Exactly my thought when I read this.....I used to change what i wanted to be every couple of days....
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Keep her away from the neighbors or next week she'll want to be a nosy b***h.
NTA but I want to know why the neighbors think it's any of their business.
My kid used to want to be a dinosaur. You know what I did? I stomped around in the backyard right along with her and did my best roar. You support your children's dreams.
Stay at home mom might be extra interesting for her to explore, as it sounds as though there isn't a mom in her life. I'm other words, she might also be working through the difference between her and lots of other kids through play (which would be extremely healthy). I also say to OP to keep being an amazing dad and bonus points that she has adult women in her life that will spend the time to answer her questions!
I'm 38 and still dream to be a housewife. Maybe with a part time job. Ever since I was in Junior High I felt immense pressure to pick a career, something advanced, requiring a lot of advanced skills that you use everyday, pays well so you can buy a house on your own (pfft, yeah like that's super possible), told you must retire at 65, be completely independent (which is fine and crucial). Into my 20s I still had no real passion in a career path I was willing to sink tons of money and sacrifices into. At the end of the day, I'd be working for someone, a company, who's breathing down my back and taking the credit. If I ever wanted to be an artist at Disney I would not be able to own my style, come up with my own style, and just be a creative puppet. Once I got into my 30s it's just been about "what kind of course would you want to take in college? You're still working at that low skill job?" F**k off. Maybe I just want a job that brings in money. The rest of the time I'm at home cleaning
Kinda got off topic XP. The dad and his daughter are A-ok. Those toxic feminist ninnies needs to mind their beeswax.
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You know, I really hate some of these "feminists" out here. They tell women that they can't be a mom, a housewife, that they can't shave or wear makeup because it's supporting the patriarchy and pleasing the male gaze. They tell women who they should be, what they should be and how they should act and what they should wear. Who does that remind you of? Those neighbors are the fake "feminists". If that little still wants to be a housewife 10 years later, then that is her decision and no one elses. Feminism is giving women the choice to be whoever she wants to be, dress however she wants and have whatever career she wants. F*ck fake "feminists"! Sorry, I know it doesn't have much to do with the article, but this just reminded me of all of my thoughts on fake " feminists"
It is not "feminism" if you are forcing or expecting someone to do it only your ways and ideals. This little girl can be anything in the world she wants to be! Being a stay at home mom is not for sissies. It is the hardest and yet most courageous job on the world! Tell your neighbors to stay on their side of the fence and to mind their own business. Tell your daughter to stay on your side of the fence.
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NTA. I AM a housewife and I love it. Some people just have different choices in life. So what if this week she's a housewife. I bet next week she'll move onto something else. A 5 year old SHOULD be encouraged to use their imagination, which is just what she is doing. You are doing an excellent job dad, and please keep it up.
This is ridiculous beyond words !! you are a GREAT DAD !! tell your neighbors to butt off ....and you are only 24,so young and yet so mature...this little girl is SO lucky to have you in her life...and what a life she will have,full of love,care and fun...the perfect soil for a perfect flower.
Childhood is a time when kids can imagine what it might be like to live out plans. They can also play pretend games to see what sort of life feels right to them. Limiting a child's options because of your political perspective seems demeaning - let her try some of those tasks out to see.
First, parents should raise their kids to reach their dreams and to experiment with different choices. Let the kid find out if homemaker is something they really like. There's no shame enjoying being a caregiver nor any shame for discovering that's not one of your gifts. Second, every kid should learn how to do everything to care for a household from cooking and cleaning to home repair and basic machine maintenance. Its 2022 and gender roles don't matter - competence does. Everyone needs eventually to do their own laundry, cook a meal for a loved one, change a flat tire, and fix a running toilet.
You should encourage your daughter to be whatever she wants to be, and indulge her imagination as much as is practical. At a similar age, my daughter wanted to be a professional basketball player (she is barely 5 feet tall!), and one of my cousins wanted to be a statue. Kids want to be different things at different times. Sometimes at the same time. The only wrong thing for now is to discourage her and extinguish her nascent ambition and imagination.
The question is, would the neighbors have lectured a single mother like this?
Haha so true..they wudnt wud they ?? Even though single mothers are the source of a lot of criminal behaviour.
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When my older daughter was in preschool, I once remarked about her baby sister fascination with airplanes, "Maybe she'll be a pilot when she grows up!" to which she responded with the world-weary condescending patience of a 4-year-old, "Oh MOM! Girls can't be pilots. She can be a stewardess." She certainly hadn't gotten that impression from MY influence. So please ignore your nosy neighbors and keep doing what you're doing, and rejoice that your daughter is open to different roles and opportunities.
As someone who wants nothing more than to be a housewife herself, I think it's a very good thing that dad treats that the same as he treats all the other careers she tries on.
So my first question is why was it any of the neighbors business to begin with? Stay in your lane, dear neighbor, and worry about your own life. Why do so many people worry about what someone else is doing? If it's not directly affecting you or interfering with how you conduct your life...mind your own damn business! Oh..and the OP was more patient than I would be. Three minutes of them telling me how to raise my kid would have earned them flat noses from the door hitting them in the face....
If you ask my 5yr old daughter what she wants to be when she grows up she will tell you that she wants to be a Mom who shares her drinks and stuff with all of her babies.This is because I am a SAHM of 4, and right now I am just the bee's knees to her. This will probably change when she starts kinder in the fall and learns that there are more options out there. Even if it doesn't though, she still gets to make that choice the same way I did. I left an electrical career to bring up 4 beautiful children. I CHOSE to do that. I work 1000% harder now than I did then and love it 1000% more. Your neighbors need to mind their own business. You're doing a great job. However, they are right about 1 thing... it's not the 60's anymore... single Dad's kill it more frequently these days. JUST👏LIKE👏YOU👏
The biggest sentence that hit me the most was" Her mother wants nothing to do with her". I'm in my early 40s and this guy's is early 20s. Wish I had his mind set 20 years ago. Good job bro. I encourage my daughter in whatever she wants. Leave the haters to hate. And keep going. It gets harder as they grow up especially when u do it on ur own, but the love u get back is unimaginable. She needs u to do what u been doing. That's it.
What's wrong with being a housewife? Honestly, I'm not getting it. If the wife wants to do it and both the husband and wife are happy with it then how can it be wrong? It's still a job, (a bloody difficult one by the sounds of it!). Anyway, I would be shocked, Pikachu face shocked, if the little girl hasn't got a new occupation already. Those neighbours are hideous. Makes me glad I don't talk to any of mine, there would be wars.
I just can't deal with the idea or other people telling me how I should raise my kid. CHECK OUT YOUR OWN LIVES KARENS
He's encouraging her with all of these things, and that's wonderful! It's great to explore different ideas and nice to see a parent who is so enthusiastic about their child having such a vivid imagination. Also, when did being a housewife become shameful? Lots of women are stay at home moms, housewives, homemakers, whatever you want to call it, and have very full rewarding lives. You do what makes you happy, little girl! ;)
My eldest wanted to be Flash Gordon for 4 years!! 4 years of him running around with his fingers making wings next to his head. He now runs admin at a screen printing company. My youngest wanted to be a dinosaur, then "someone who looks after dinosaurs", an airplane (not pilot) and a professional skateboarder who also has a YT channel and a sloth. He's a photographer now. Your daughter will find what makes her happy. You're doing a fantastic job.
If she wants to do whatever she sees other people doing, he should keep her away from the neighbors. “I want to be an obnoxious neighbor when I grow up!”
I would not have lasted one minute in that conversation, let alone a whole hour. I would have said something rude or just walked away. They had literally no right to an opinion on the matter. NTA.
The neighbours are taking this way too seriously. When she was 9, one of my in-laws was married to Tom Cruise and pregnant with their first kid. A few months later, I was out of the country and her adult brother wrote to me that she and Tom Cruise now had three kids. Today, she's all grown-up, a mother and stepmother, and a prosecutor nicknamed "Killer". If Tom Cruise ever broke the law, she'd tell him, "Plead guilty now - trust me, you don't want to face me in court."
NTA. Only if he was encouraging her to only be a sahm. Which he is not. But i believe that we all should disencourage women to be homemakers bevause the lack of salary makes them extremely vulnerable to abuse.
But some women WANT to be stay-at-home-mums, and that's great. Furthermore, some men want to be stay-at-home-dads. Feminism isn't about teaching women what they should or shouldn't be; it's about teaching them that they have a choice.
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The fact that she has the freedom to choose is what women have fought for & continue to fight for! Being a housewife or wanting to be is not anti feminist it's not settling it's choosing a lifestyle where you give your all for your life & family. Women deserve the right to choose so go ahead and support her! What a great Dad 👌👍❤️
Soooo NTA!! The best question Dad could have lobbed back to those busybody's (busybody in the most classic 60's sense of the term!) is, "Where were you the weeks that she was a ***insert job of the week*** They didn't choose to notice because those jobs weren't triggers for them. Don't worry about your kid, she's doing beautifully!
NTA The biggest thing I've gotten from your post OP, is you've gone above and beyond to encourage your daughters imagination, which in turn creates creativity!! You're a brilliant Dad, there are some fathers out there who can take many leaves from your book. Keep being an awesome Dad.
Lol you're way over thinking this You can't convince a kid to be something at five and expect them to actually become that because of it.
You really stood for an hour and let complete strangers lecture you on how you're raising your daughter? And I don't care who they are, when it comes to raising your child, they are complete strangers. It is none of their damn business how you raise your child. You're not encouraging her to be a housewife. You are encouraging her to explore her options.. Housewife happened to be the obsession of the day. Who knows, next week it could be a lawn care specialist, because she sees a guy mowing yards on the Big zero turn lawn mowers. I would not have been polite and I absolutely would not stand around for an hour while somebody else tries to tell me how to raise my kid. I would have told them to go F#$k themselves and I would have given them some very detailed descriptions on how to do that. There is no excuse for them pulling that garbage and The minute you realized where they were going with this conversation you should have told them to pound sand and mind their own business.
It amazes me how they don't see the assumption THEY made as being ignorant and damaging. (TO YOU) They assumed you taught her that. All I see is a father letting her child know she can be what ever she wants. I was fat as hell and "skating" on carpet as a kid...no one ever told me I couldn't be a figure skater...I realized when my jumps were 2 centimeters from the floor lmao but they let me dream! Does that make sense? 🤗
You're a super dad don't let anyone tell you otherwise....Any MAN Willing to step up and take on the role of MOM and DAD you my friend is what this crazy mixed up world NEEDS MORE OF.... True Hero in my book stay true to yourself and your daughter.... don't ever let anyone dictate how you raise your baby... obviously she's being well taken care of and encouraged to do anything she wants too even a housewife... obviously those who are bad mouthing you have either never worked a day in their life or just don't realize how much of a full time job it is to take care of a home and children...it's not a vacation so ignore the ignorance of others for they don't know any better good luck raising that baby and keep up the awesome job
My daughter wanted to be a singer, a hairdresser, a veterinarian, an engineer, a teacher, a nutrition coach, a public relations worker, and a few other things. She is now a grown up and works in Human relations. Kids change their minds every few weeks. It doesn't matter what she wants to do, as long as you support and love her. Your neighbors have no right telling you how to raise your daughter.
Our job as a parent is to support and encourage our child to do whatever makes them happy. When my daughter started college I told her to take whatever she was interested in. She wound up graduating as a triple major plus a minor in music just for fun. She’s a happy, well adjusted adult and mom who also happens to have a great career because she was free to be what she wanted to be. When she was 5 she wanted to be a fairy Princess and so she was. (She also wanted to live in Italy, be an astrophysicist, a musician, a writer and to work on Wall Street and to work at Google and she actually did all of those things, although the fairy Princess gig didn’t work out in the long run :-)
OP must be the non-confrontational type if he put up with a 1-hour lecture from his neighbors. I used to be like that, especially when salesmen would come around to my house and knock on my door. But now I am older and grumpier. Assuming I even answer the door at all, these people would quickly have the door closed in their faces. Oh, right. NTA.
This reminds me of when Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor was a guest on Sesame Street. One of the girl characters wanted to be a princess when she grew up, and Sotomayor told her that wasn't a real career. Some commentator later observed there have been more American women who became princesses than who became Supreme Court Justices.
I think the only reason he didn't tell the neighbors where to go is because he's a young single father raising a daughter. That's not an easy position to be in and he probably lacks confidence in his parenting abilities. I hope these responses show him he's on the right track and that those neighbors can mind their own business and kiss his a*s when it comes to how he's raising his child.
This is dumb. 1. Mind your own business 2. Yea LH25 let her be whatever she wants 3. She’s a kid. I wanted to be Superman when I was a kid. Our neighbors never came over to warn I would have a white savior complex.
You don't want to know what I would say to the neighbors coming to the door. Why do people think they can just offload their opinions on other people and then EXPECT them to agree to those opinions?
Well maybe I'm just a grump geezer. I wouldn't even bother with those neighbors. I think I could muster a "b*gg*r off" and that's it.
There's nothing wrong with this little girl or her dad. She sounds like the sweetest thing and the OP is the best dad. There's nothing wrong with her occupation of the moment, but there's something majorly wrong with the neighbors! How dare they stick their noses where they don't belong! I don't know how that dad managed to be civil...I would've shut them off quick.
There is nothing wrong with women standing up for their intellectual prowess. There are some very, very intelligent women. No question. But Get off of it, feminists....with your lie of feminism trying to deceive the masses into believing that there are no real physical inferiority differences between men and women. Where are the feminist women starting their own *realistic* construction companies? Other than the freak anomalies, where are the feminist women rushing in to places where sheer brute strength is needed to get a job done, leaving men to stand around watching? Feminists: i'm very pro~women, and love women, but your feminist-argument would gain greater acceptance if you stuck with honesty and focused on your real strengths that have nothing to do with physical differences. There ARE physical strength differences. So, stop lying that there aren't. Just because stupid "Bill" Jean King defeated a loser guy, she would have gotten her a*s beat by a 1000 other guys. Face it
To be honest, guy, you’re probably now going to receive unsolicited proposals from women who want to marry you. You sound like a great dad.
It makes me sad that he didn't just immediately tell them to shove it after he explained it and they started lecturing him. You have to respect yourself by shutting that c**p down! Dont waste your own time listening to that. Be proud of your own parenting decisions if you know they are good, and tell them their opinion is not welcome or helpful. I would look them in the eyes and ask... So what's wrong with women who choose to be housewives? Is my friend who is a happy and fulfilled housewife less of a successful woman in your eyes? That should shut them up. This is what happens when people get so stuck thinking that get are right, that they wont even consider that their views may actually be harmful. They just insulted millions of women who choose to be housewives. So they can F off lol
ngl this made me wanna be a gothy tattoo artist with a lot of snakes
I have a good friend, a successful attorney, female, Unitarian, very progressive. Her late teenage daughter told her that she wants to be trophy wife... go figure.
My daughter who will be 21 in December wanted to be a lawyer at age 7, and a psychologist until recently. She has now settled on doing a finance degree. Kids change their minds all the time until they are mature enough to make an informed decision. NTA for sure!
Women should be able to choose what they want to become in the their future. Those people who lectured the dad have a screw loose in their thinking. The dad should have lied to these idiots to make them go away or called the police on them. The neighbors sound dangerous first a lecture then maybe an intervention or perhaps they kidnap the child and try to undo the supposed damage the father imposed on his daughter? Who can tell how far these people would go if their lecture didn’t work?
Dude for a Dad at NINETEEN it sounds to me like you are f*****g KILLING IT. I woulda preferred my Dad to have been one of those dad's that walked out... Never really thought what my life woulda been like if I had a decent non crazy as hell father. Anyway all that to say you're doing great bro. There is nothing wrong with getting advice from people, but if they are going to attack you it is not worth sifting through all their s**t for the nugget of good advice. "All that is necessary for evil to succeed in this world is for a good man to do nothing" you are NOT doing nothing. Keep your head up and keep feeding your daughters self esteem and imagination!!
What the heck is wrong w loving + maintaining a family + household? As far as I'm concerned, we need more ppl willing + able to do it!
Tell your neighbors to F off. If your daughter wants to be a Housewife then let her be a house wife. What matters is that she gets to choose.
Firstly NTA i got an 8 year old brother and babaysat my now 16 year old brother when he was q toddler. Kids are frickle as hell lol. I think its nice to see parents endsges in kids inteesrs and the term house wife should be a slur. I myself would rather be a stay at home woman as i enjoy doing house work. There is no shame in it at all ! Secondly can we qll just give this man roses and a 10000 dollr check for steping up to the plate and actually taking care of his daughter at a very young age ? People find yourself a man like that his a keeper for sure ^^
I’m twenty and since age seven I’ve wanted to be a housewife cause my mom is an amazing one and neither my father nor mother discouraged it, they just gave me tips and because of that it is STILL my dream no one has any right to judge a dream. Being a housewife is an AMAZING job, just because it isn’t President doesn’t mean it’s worthless!
I kinda feel bad for the neighbor's kids (if they have any) it seems like they won't encourage them to be whatever they want to be, I'm glad that we have dads like OP we need parents like him
Simple just say none of your business please get off my property and close door the end. People do not have the right to force their views on you. He basically just empowered them to come back over with anything else they want to b***h about I mean an hour lecture? Gtfoh.
A housewife is the only thing I ever wanted to be, and I've been one for all of my adult life. Now, most of my children are teenagers, so last year (in my 30s) was when I got my first job as a kindergarten teacher. I love that too, but those years spent at home with my family were the best years of my life!
Nut up. Tell your neighbors to pound sand. Sheesh. That lecture should have been ended in the first minute or so.
One of the other areas I lived in growing up, one of our neighbors was a young family. Dad, Mom and 2 little girls. It was quite common to see the Dad teaching the girls how to "goose step" and "salute" in their front yard and he made no secret of what his beliefs were. There are FAR worse ways to influence your kids, besides "indulging them in their housewife interests".
More parents should encourage their kids to follow whatever path they want. When I was little i wanted to be an interior decorator, i thought it was cool that someone got paid to decorate houses. But that seemed like a unicorn job as i got older. Then i wanted to be a writer but got in trouble for spending all of my time on it. I wanted to be a computer programmer but my parents didn't think that was a good job for me. I wanted to be a psychologist but again that wasn't a good choice for me according to my parents ...now I am nothing. An "administrative assistant". Just a background character trying to break out in my own story. I have two hours of free time daily, I use that time to stream of twitch.I wanted to give it a try 6 years ago but I had no confidence in being able to accomplish anything for myself, now I've almost reached my first goal.
Tell you neighbors to mind their own business...if it wasn't for the fact that it would be a HUGE parenting faux pas...I'd have her watch "American Psycho" (1 AND 2, so she knows women can do it too and look cute) and then let her talk to the neighbors again...see how much they dislike the housewife idea after that!
I think it is fine encouraging kids to be providers or homeworkers, especially if you want grandkids someday. There is nothing wrong with taking a break from work to raise children, I think this makes feminism cold and harsh to a lot of people. There are also lots of examples of women working and men staying home with the kids. Kids grow up FAST on on a deathbed I doubt anyone that stays home to raise their children says 'i wish I spent less time with the kids and more time on my career.'
She's a child, she wants to be everything and everyone in the universe, I don't think this has anything to do with an absent mother.
Load More Replies... It's a sad time.when a woman is likely to be questioned more about being a housewife and sahm..than she is with having a career...being a sahm if affordable is the ideal anyway.
The neighbors remind me of an article I read about 6 months ago or longer, roughly titled "We raise our daughter nongendered but she loves pink and girl clothes, where did we go wro g" and the answer was "nowhere, she was given free reign to chose her preferred gender and *she* *chose* her birth gender, no problem child made choice with no outside influence just like the people keep saying they should, but because she chose to be her birth gender something must be wrong? No it just means (mostly) momma and daddy won't get their vicarious 15 minutes of fam off of their "princess boy" My Name is Jazz, Drag Kid internet fame.
Clearly you have never worked with 5 year olds. Ive taught kindergarten (and a lot of other things but first long term teaching job was K) and a new career choice every week if not every day is very normal at that age. They learn about a new career option and decide thats what they want to do and explore it or pretend to do it until the next interesting career crosses thier path. Its how they learn what the world is like and what is out there.
Load More Replies... To me, the whole point of feminism is that women should have choices. Including being a housewife if they want.
Exactly. The entire point of feminism is to erase traditional gender roles as the expectation and let everyone (men, women and everyone in between) be as 'masculine' or 'feminine' as they want without criticism or mockery. I feel like most people misunderstand just what feminism is actually about.
Load More Replies... My daughter at that age was playing house with another girl and 2 boys. You'd expect one of the boys to be the dad, right? Nope. My daughter was the dad, the other girl was the mom. The boys were on all fours barking, because they were the dogs.
NTA. The girl is 5. He encourages her in all the other things she wants to be and this is just one of them. Next week she'll want to be a judge or a firefighter.
Exactly my thought when I read this.....I used to change what i wanted to be every couple of days....
Load More Replies... Keep her away from the neighbors or next week she'll want to be a nosy b***h.
NTA but I want to know why the neighbors think it's any of their business.
My kid used to want to be a dinosaur. You know what I did? I stomped around in the backyard right along with her and did my best roar. You support your children's dreams.
Stay at home mom might be extra interesting for her to explore, as it sounds as though there isn't a mom in her life. I'm other words, she might also be working through the difference between her and lots of other kids through play (which would be extremely healthy). I also say to OP to keep being an amazing dad and bonus points that she has adult women in her life that will spend the time to answer her questions!
I'm 38 and still dream to be a housewife. Maybe with a part time job. Ever since I was in Junior High I felt immense pressure to pick a career, something advanced, requiring a lot of advanced skills that you use everyday, pays well so you can buy a house on your own (pfft, yeah like that's super possible), told you must retire at 65, be completely independent (which is fine and crucial). Into my 20s I still had no real passion in a career path I was willing to sink tons of money and sacrifices into. At the end of the day, I'd be working for someone, a company, who's breathing down my back and taking the credit. If I ever wanted to be an artist at Disney I would not be able to own my style, come up with my own style, and just be a creative puppet. Once I got into my 30s it's just been about "what kind of course would you want to take in college? You're still working at that low skill job?" F**k off. Maybe I just want a job that brings in money. The rest of the time I'm at home cleaning
Kinda got off topic XP. The dad and his daughter are A-ok. Those toxic feminist ninnies needs to mind their beeswax.
Load More Replies... You know, I really hate some of these "feminists" out here. They tell women that they can't be a mom, a housewife, that they can't shave or wear makeup because it's supporting the patriarchy and pleasing the male gaze. They tell women who they should be, what they should be and how they should act and what they should wear. Who does that remind you of? Those neighbors are the fake "feminists". If that little still wants to be a housewife 10 years later, then that is her decision and no one elses. Feminism is giving women the choice to be whoever she wants to be, dress however she wants and have whatever career she wants. F*ck fake "feminists"! Sorry, I know it doesn't have much to do with the article, but this just reminded me of all of my thoughts on fake " feminists"
It is not "feminism" if you are forcing or expecting someone to do it only your ways and ideals. This little girl can be anything in the world she wants to be! Being a stay at home mom is not for sissies. It is the hardest and yet most courageous job on the world! Tell your neighbors to stay on their side of the fence and to mind their own business. Tell your daughter to stay on your side of the fence.
Load More Replies... NTA. I AM a housewife and I love it. Some people just have different choices in life. So what if this week she's a housewife. I bet next week she'll move onto something else. A 5 year old SHOULD be encouraged to use their imagination, which is just what she is doing. You are doing an excellent job dad, and please keep it up.
This is ridiculous beyond words !! you are a GREAT DAD !! tell your neighbors to butt off ....and you are only 24,so young and yet so mature...this little girl is SO lucky to have you in her life...and what a life she will have,full of love,care and fun...the perfect soil for a perfect flower.
Childhood is a time when kids can imagine what it might be like to live out plans. They can also play pretend games to see what sort of life feels right to them. Limiting a child's options because of your political perspective seems demeaning - let her try some of those tasks out to see.
First, parents should raise their kids to reach their dreams and to experiment with different choices. Let the kid find out if homemaker is something they really like. There's no shame enjoying being a caregiver nor any shame for discovering that's not one of your gifts. Second, every kid should learn how to do everything to care for a household from cooking and cleaning to home repair and basic machine maintenance. Its 2022 and gender roles don't matter - competence does. Everyone needs eventually to do their own laundry, cook a meal for a loved one, change a flat tire, and fix a running toilet.
You should encourage your daughter to be whatever she wants to be, and indulge her imagination as much as is practical. At a similar age, my daughter wanted to be a professional basketball player (she is barely 5 feet tall!), and one of my cousins wanted to be a statue. Kids want to be different things at different times. Sometimes at the same time. The only wrong thing for now is to discourage her and extinguish her nascent ambition and imagination.
The question is, would the neighbors have lectured a single mother like this?
Haha so true..they wudnt wud they ?? Even though single mothers are the source of a lot of criminal behaviour.
Load More Replies... When my older daughter was in preschool, I once remarked about her baby sister fascination with airplanes, "Maybe she'll be a pilot when she grows up!" to which she responded with the world-weary condescending patience of a 4-year-old, "Oh MOM! Girls can't be pilots. She can be a stewardess." She certainly hadn't gotten that impression from MY influence. So please ignore your nosy neighbors and keep doing what you're doing, and rejoice that your daughter is open to different roles and opportunities.
As someone who wants nothing more than to be a housewife herself, I think it's a very good thing that dad treats that the same as he treats all the other careers she tries on.
So my first question is why was it any of the neighbors business to begin with? Stay in your lane, dear neighbor, and worry about your own life. Why do so many people worry about what someone else is doing? If it's not directly affecting you or interfering with how you conduct your life...mind your own damn business! Oh..and the OP was more patient than I would be. Three minutes of them telling me how to raise my kid would have earned them flat noses from the door hitting them in the face....
If you ask my 5yr old daughter what she wants to be when she grows up she will tell you that she wants to be a Mom who shares her drinks and stuff with all of her babies.This is because I am a SAHM of 4, and right now I am just the bee's knees to her. This will probably change when she starts kinder in the fall and learns that there are more options out there. Even if it doesn't though, she still gets to make that choice the same way I did. I left an electrical career to bring up 4 beautiful children. I CHOSE to do that. I work 1000% harder now than I did then and love it 1000% more. Your neighbors need to mind their own business. You're doing a great job. However, they are right about 1 thing... it's not the 60's anymore... single Dad's kill it more frequently these days. JUST👏LIKE👏YOU👏
The biggest sentence that hit me the most was" Her mother wants nothing to do with her". I'm in my early 40s and this guy's is early 20s. Wish I had his mind set 20 years ago. Good job bro. I encourage my daughter in whatever she wants. Leave the haters to hate. And keep going. It gets harder as they grow up especially when u do it on ur own, but the love u get back is unimaginable. She needs u to do what u been doing. That's it.
What's wrong with being a housewife? Honestly, I'm not getting it. If the wife wants to do it and both the husband and wife are happy with it then how can it be wrong? It's still a job, (a bloody difficult one by the sounds of it!). Anyway, I would be shocked, Pikachu face shocked, if the little girl hasn't got a new occupation already. Those neighbours are hideous. Makes me glad I don't talk to any of mine, there would be wars.
I just can't deal with the idea or other people telling me how I should raise my kid. CHECK OUT YOUR OWN LIVES KARENS
He's encouraging her with all of these things, and that's wonderful! It's great to explore different ideas and nice to see a parent who is so enthusiastic about their child having such a vivid imagination. Also, when did being a housewife become shameful? Lots of women are stay at home moms, housewives, homemakers, whatever you want to call it, and have very full rewarding lives. You do what makes you happy, little girl! ;)
My eldest wanted to be Flash Gordon for 4 years!! 4 years of him running around with his fingers making wings next to his head. He now runs admin at a screen printing company. My youngest wanted to be a dinosaur, then "someone who looks after dinosaurs", an airplane (not pilot) and a professional skateboarder who also has a YT channel and a sloth. He's a photographer now. Your daughter will find what makes her happy. You're doing a fantastic job.
If she wants to do whatever she sees other people doing, he should keep her away from the neighbors. “I want to be an obnoxious neighbor when I grow up!”
I would not have lasted one minute in that conversation, let alone a whole hour. I would have said something rude or just walked away. They had literally no right to an opinion on the matter. NTA.
The neighbours are taking this way too seriously. When she was 9, one of my in-laws was married to Tom Cruise and pregnant with their first kid. A few months later, I was out of the country and her adult brother wrote to me that she and Tom Cruise now had three kids. Today, she's all grown-up, a mother and stepmother, and a prosecutor nicknamed "Killer". If Tom Cruise ever broke the law, she'd tell him, "Plead guilty now - trust me, you don't want to face me in court."
NTA. Only if he was encouraging her to only be a sahm. Which he is not. But i believe that we all should disencourage women to be homemakers bevause the lack of salary makes them extremely vulnerable to abuse.
But some women WANT to be stay-at-home-mums, and that's great. Furthermore, some men want to be stay-at-home-dads. Feminism isn't about teaching women what they should or shouldn't be; it's about teaching them that they have a choice.
Load More Replies... The fact that she has the freedom to choose is what women have fought for & continue to fight for! Being a housewife or wanting to be is not anti feminist it's not settling it's choosing a lifestyle where you give your all for your life & family. Women deserve the right to choose so go ahead and support her! What a great Dad 👌👍❤️
Soooo NTA!! The best question Dad could have lobbed back to those busybody's (busybody in the most classic 60's sense of the term!) is, "Where were you the weeks that she was a ***insert job of the week*** They didn't choose to notice because those jobs weren't triggers for them. Don't worry about your kid, she's doing beautifully!
NTA The biggest thing I've gotten from your post OP, is you've gone above and beyond to encourage your daughters imagination, which in turn creates creativity!! You're a brilliant Dad, there are some fathers out there who can take many leaves from your book. Keep being an awesome Dad.
Lol you're way over thinking this You can't convince a kid to be something at five and expect them to actually become that because of it.
You really stood for an hour and let complete strangers lecture you on how you're raising your daughter? And I don't care who they are, when it comes to raising your child, they are complete strangers. It is none of their damn business how you raise your child. You're not encouraging her to be a housewife. You are encouraging her to explore her options.. Housewife happened to be the obsession of the day. Who knows, next week it could be a lawn care specialist, because she sees a guy mowing yards on the Big zero turn lawn mowers. I would not have been polite and I absolutely would not stand around for an hour while somebody else tries to tell me how to raise my kid. I would have told them to go F#$k themselves and I would have given them some very detailed descriptions on how to do that. There is no excuse for them pulling that garbage and The minute you realized where they were going with this conversation you should have told them to pound sand and mind their own business.
It amazes me how they don't see the assumption THEY made as being ignorant and damaging. (TO YOU) They assumed you taught her that. All I see is a father letting her child know she can be what ever she wants. I was fat as hell and "skating" on carpet as a kid...no one ever told me I couldn't be a figure skater...I realized when my jumps were 2 centimeters from the floor lmao but they let me dream! Does that make sense? 🤗
You're a super dad don't let anyone tell you otherwise....Any MAN Willing to step up and take on the role of MOM and DAD you my friend is what this crazy mixed up world NEEDS MORE OF.... True Hero in my book stay true to yourself and your daughter.... don't ever let anyone dictate how you raise your baby... obviously she's being well taken care of and encouraged to do anything she wants too even a housewife... obviously those who are bad mouthing you have either never worked a day in their life or just don't realize how much of a full time job it is to take care of a home and children...it's not a vacation so ignore the ignorance of others for they don't know any better good luck raising that baby and keep up the awesome job
My daughter wanted to be a singer, a hairdresser, a veterinarian, an engineer, a teacher, a nutrition coach, a public relations worker, and a few other things. She is now a grown up and works in Human relations. Kids change their minds every few weeks. It doesn't matter what she wants to do, as long as you support and love her. Your neighbors have no right telling you how to raise your daughter.
Our job as a parent is to support and encourage our child to do whatever makes them happy. When my daughter started college I told her to take whatever she was interested in. She wound up graduating as a triple major plus a minor in music just for fun. She’s a happy, well adjusted adult and mom who also happens to have a great career because she was free to be what she wanted to be. When she was 5 she wanted to be a fairy Princess and so she was. (She also wanted to live in Italy, be an astrophysicist, a musician, a writer and to work on Wall Street and to work at Google and she actually did all of those things, although the fairy Princess gig didn’t work out in the long run :-)
OP must be the non-confrontational type if he put up with a 1-hour lecture from his neighbors. I used to be like that, especially when salesmen would come around to my house and knock on my door. But now I am older and grumpier. Assuming I even answer the door at all, these people would quickly have the door closed in their faces. Oh, right. NTA.
This reminds me of when Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor was a guest on Sesame Street. One of the girl characters wanted to be a princess when she grew up, and Sotomayor told her that wasn't a real career. Some commentator later observed there have been more American women who became princesses than who became Supreme Court Justices.
I think the only reason he didn't tell the neighbors where to go is because he's a young single father raising a daughter. That's not an easy position to be in and he probably lacks confidence in his parenting abilities. I hope these responses show him he's on the right track and that those neighbors can mind their own business and kiss his a*s when it comes to how he's raising his child.
This is dumb. 1. Mind your own business 2. Yea LH25 let her be whatever she wants 3. She’s a kid. I wanted to be Superman when I was a kid. Our neighbors never came over to warn I would have a white savior complex.
You don't want to know what I would say to the neighbors coming to the door. Why do people think they can just offload their opinions on other people and then EXPECT them to agree to those opinions?
Well maybe I'm just a grump geezer. I wouldn't even bother with those neighbors. I think I could muster a "b*gg*r off" and that's it.
There's nothing wrong with this little girl or her dad. She sounds like the sweetest thing and the OP is the best dad. There's nothing wrong with her occupation of the moment, but there's something majorly wrong with the neighbors! How dare they stick their noses where they don't belong! I don't know how that dad managed to be civil...I would've shut them off quick.
There is nothing wrong with women standing up for their intellectual prowess. There are some very, very intelligent women. No question. But Get off of it, feminists....with your lie of feminism trying to deceive the masses into believing that there are no real physical inferiority differences between men and women. Where are the feminist women starting their own *realistic* construction companies? Other than the freak anomalies, where are the feminist women rushing in to places where sheer brute strength is needed to get a job done, leaving men to stand around watching? Feminists: i'm very pro~women, and love women, but your feminist-argument would gain greater acceptance if you stuck with honesty and focused on your real strengths that have nothing to do with physical differences. There ARE physical strength differences. So, stop lying that there aren't. Just because stupid "Bill" Jean King defeated a loser guy, she would have gotten her a*s beat by a 1000 other guys. Face it
To be honest, guy, you’re probably now going to receive unsolicited proposals from women who want to marry you. You sound like a great dad.
It makes me sad that he didn't just immediately tell them to shove it after he explained it and they started lecturing him. You have to respect yourself by shutting that c**p down! Dont waste your own time listening to that. Be proud of your own parenting decisions if you know they are good, and tell them their opinion is not welcome or helpful. I would look them in the eyes and ask... So what's wrong with women who choose to be housewives? Is my friend who is a happy and fulfilled housewife less of a successful woman in your eyes? That should shut them up. This is what happens when people get so stuck thinking that get are right, that they wont even consider that their views may actually be harmful. They just insulted millions of women who choose to be housewives. So they can F off lol
ngl this made me wanna be a gothy tattoo artist with a lot of snakes
I have a good friend, a successful attorney, female, Unitarian, very progressive. Her late teenage daughter told her that she wants to be trophy wife... go figure.
My daughter who will be 21 in December wanted to be a lawyer at age 7, and a psychologist until recently. She has now settled on doing a finance degree. Kids change their minds all the time until they are mature enough to make an informed decision. NTA for sure!
Women should be able to choose what they want to become in the their future. Those people who lectured the dad have a screw loose in their thinking. The dad should have lied to these idiots to make them go away or called the police on them. The neighbors sound dangerous first a lecture then maybe an intervention or perhaps they kidnap the child and try to undo the supposed damage the father imposed on his daughter? Who can tell how far these people would go if their lecture didn’t work?
Dude for a Dad at NINETEEN it sounds to me like you are f*****g KILLING IT. I woulda preferred my Dad to have been one of those dad's that walked out... Never really thought what my life woulda been like if I had a decent non crazy as hell father. Anyway all that to say you're doing great bro. There is nothing wrong with getting advice from people, but if they are going to attack you it is not worth sifting through all their s**t for the nugget of good advice. "All that is necessary for evil to succeed in this world is for a good man to do nothing" you are NOT doing nothing. Keep your head up and keep feeding your daughters self esteem and imagination!!
What the heck is wrong w loving + maintaining a family + household? As far as I'm concerned, we need more ppl willing + able to do it!
Tell your neighbors to F off. If your daughter wants to be a Housewife then let her be a house wife. What matters is that she gets to choose.
Firstly NTA i got an 8 year old brother and babaysat my now 16 year old brother when he was q toddler. Kids are frickle as hell lol. I think its nice to see parents endsges in kids inteesrs and the term house wife should be a slur. I myself would rather be a stay at home woman as i enjoy doing house work. There is no shame in it at all ! Secondly can we qll just give this man roses and a 10000 dollr check for steping up to the plate and actually taking care of his daughter at a very young age ? People find yourself a man like that his a keeper for sure ^^
I’m twenty and since age seven I’ve wanted to be a housewife cause my mom is an amazing one and neither my father nor mother discouraged it, they just gave me tips and because of that it is STILL my dream no one has any right to judge a dream. Being a housewife is an AMAZING job, just because it isn’t President doesn’t mean it’s worthless!
I kinda feel bad for the neighbor's kids (if they have any) it seems like they won't encourage them to be whatever they want to be, I'm glad that we have dads like OP we need parents like him
Simple just say none of your business please get off my property and close door the end. People do not have the right to force their views on you. He basically just empowered them to come back over with anything else they want to b***h about I mean an hour lecture? Gtfoh.
A housewife is the only thing I ever wanted to be, and I've been one for all of my adult life. Now, most of my children are teenagers, so last year (in my 30s) was when I got my first job as a kindergarten teacher. I love that too, but those years spent at home with my family were the best years of my life!
Nut up. Tell your neighbors to pound sand. Sheesh. That lecture should have been ended in the first minute or so.
One of the other areas I lived in growing up, one of our neighbors was a young family. Dad, Mom and 2 little girls. It was quite common to see the Dad teaching the girls how to "goose step" and "salute" in their front yard and he made no secret of what his beliefs were. There are FAR worse ways to influence your kids, besides "indulging them in their housewife interests".
More parents should encourage their kids to follow whatever path they want. When I was little i wanted to be an interior decorator, i thought it was cool that someone got paid to decorate houses. But that seemed like a unicorn job as i got older. Then i wanted to be a writer but got in trouble for spending all of my time on it. I wanted to be a computer programmer but my parents didn't think that was a good job for me. I wanted to be a psychologist but again that wasn't a good choice for me according to my parents ...now I am nothing. An "administrative assistant". Just a background character trying to break out in my own story. I have two hours of free time daily, I use that time to stream of twitch.I wanted to give it a try 6 years ago but I had no confidence in being able to accomplish anything for myself, now I've almost reached my first goal.
Tell you neighbors to mind their own business...if it wasn't for the fact that it would be a HUGE parenting faux pas...I'd have her watch "American Psycho" (1 AND 2, so she knows women can do it too and look cute) and then let her talk to the neighbors again...see how much they dislike the housewife idea after that!
I think it is fine encouraging kids to be providers or homeworkers, especially if you want grandkids someday. There is nothing wrong with taking a break from work to raise children, I think this makes feminism cold and harsh to a lot of people. There are also lots of examples of women working and men staying home with the kids. Kids grow up FAST on on a deathbed I doubt anyone that stays home to raise their children says 'i wish I spent less time with the kids and more time on my career.'
She's a child, she wants to be everything and everyone in the universe, I don't think this has anything to do with an absent mother.
Load More Replies... It's a sad time.when a woman is likely to be questioned more about being a housewife and sahm..than she is with having a career...being a sahm if affordable is the ideal anyway.
The neighbors remind me of an article I read about 6 months ago or longer, roughly titled "We raise our daughter nongendered but she loves pink and girl clothes, where did we go wro g" and the answer was "nowhere, she was given free reign to chose her preferred gender and *she* *chose* her birth gender, no problem child made choice with no outside influence just like the people keep saying they should, but because she chose to be her birth gender something must be wrong? No it just means (mostly) momma and daddy won't get their vicarious 15 minutes of fam off of their "princess boy" My Name is Jazz, Drag Kid internet fame.
Clearly you have never worked with 5 year olds. Ive taught kindergarten (and a lot of other things but first long term teaching job was K) and a new career choice every week if not every day is very normal at that age. They learn about a new career option and decide thats what they want to do and explore it or pretend to do it until the next interesting career crosses thier path. Its how they learn what the world is like and what is out there.
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