People Are Sharing Effective Psychological Tricks They Use And Here’re 30 Of The Most Interesting Ones
The charm of the world around us is that it’s totally unpredictable. It puts us into the most unlikely, annoying, and challenging scenarios where we have to find our way through. And while some believe in luck, or lack thereof, others like to take matters into their own hands and use some pragmatic strategies. Like, psychological tricks.
And it turns out, most people have one ready when a particular situation strikes. From answering to “Why’s” in such a way that you redirect the question back to avoiding office small-talk so that nobody thinks you’re rude, to making yourself look like less of a self-obsessed jerk simply by replacing “I know” with “You’re right,” these are some of the biggest psychological tricks.
Shared in the comment section for the question “What is the most effective psychological 'trick' you use?” on r/AskReddit, some people seem to really know how to nail the mental game big time.
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My 4-year-old got into the 'Why?' phase a little while back. I read an article that said the best way to get them to stop was to ask them, 'I'm not sure, what do you think?' It is a godsend. They answer their own question, you provide some feedback, and they immediately move on. [Freaking] awesome.
I work in an office. When people stop by my desk and refuse to leave me alone, I get up and refill my water bottle while they are talking to me. Instead of walking back to my desk, I walk them to theirs. They instinctively will sit down. Then I just sever the conversation and get back to work.
When my wife is talking to a man about something technical, often he'll talk back to me. When that happens I turn to face my wife, which forces his attention where it should be.
I do this when there are two people listening to someone tell a story and, for whatever reason, the person talking is only focusing on me but I wish they would instead focus kn the other person.
When I worked at a hardware store I frequently had young couples who were putting together their first live-in quarters and I made a point of always addressing both of them and if it was demonstrating a technique like stripping a wire I'd have both do it but give it to her first.
We hired a handyman come to replace a shower and fix some odds and ends. Many times my husband wouldn't be around and Handyman would bring up an issue and I would resolve it. He invariably said "well let me check with Husband and call my husband at a work; my husband invariably said, let me check with THE BOSS, meaning me. Either the guy was too dumb to catch on or his misogyny ran deep
I threw a double glazing sales man out of MY house who was getting paid with MY money because he completely refused to talk to me. he would only deal with my boyfriend.
I work with a qaudraplegic person whom whenever we're at shops or Counters the person serving will usually direct their answers to me, even though I was not the one who spoke. I usually answer with, "I'm not the one who asked the question." They will then speak to my client instead of me. It's mostly ignorance, but it's very rude to assume if someone is in a wheelchair they can't speak for themselves.
I wouid be lost without my wife's technical skills. She did an apprenticeship as a carpenter from age 16 to 19 and succesfully passed the test. I would have failed miserably.
I'm pretty handy, but there are some things I won't touch (plumbing, anything involving the roof, etc) so I hire people for that. It's my wife's house too, and she wants to be involved, so I usually make the appointment under her name, and ask her to answer the door when they arrive so they know what's what.
When I went to the dealership to buy my latest car, they asked how I was going to pay for it. I held up my checkbook (I don't do loans, if I don't have the money for something, I don't buy it). He then asked for my husband's phone number to ask if I had "permission" to buy a car. ...///... I was 54 at the time. The sales person was in his 20s.
I had the funniest experience working at my business (I was the manager). My brother was visiting me at the office. This guy walks in and starts asking my brother questions. He says, "Ask her. She's the manager." He talked to me for a couple of seconds and then started addressing my brother again. "I don't work here. Ask her. She's the boss." Same thing over and over. Guy just would not grasp that I was in charge.
Good for you! [Edit: or should it be "Good OF you"?... En is not my first language, sorry!]
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Computer/components/add ons at a large electronic store locally. My husband, 6'1", and a biology major who draws the salesmen attention. I'm the short nerd, system administrator, and computer fixer. He will direct the salesmen' attention to me saying, "She is the computer nerd in the family. I don't have a clue what you are talking about." They usually politely redirect to me. If they don't, we don't buy.
thank you! As a kid my parents used to talk in third person about me as if I was not existing in that moment. I totally freaked out at the table with relatives. I was maybe 5-7. We learned a lot together.
Doesn't work for us, even when my husband points out I asked for the information and I'm the one looking for the parts or whatever. Radio Shack was the worst, auto parts places are next.
When I was shopping for a car my husband stopped walking in with me and would wait until I had been approached by a salesman (always a man). When (not if) they started talking to him he would tell them HE was not the one buying a car. If it happened again we would leave. I’m very happy with my Honda CRV - sorry Subaru, Toyota, Ford and probably a few others.
She has many technical degrees, but he still has to tell her how it works.
I like the idea of flushing the snort of male superiority down. I like the idea of showing the person you respect how important it is for others to follow your lead and respect your life person. Done.
Good on you. My boyfriend didn't believe this type of thing happens. We had to have the glass on our patio door replaced. He was in the room I was over looking everything. When they said they were done I noticed they had not put the locks back on the doors. I mentioned it and they tried to convince me there was no locks. They started to clean up as to go so I went into out bedroom and retrieved my boyfriend and explained I just needed his presence that he didn't have to say a thing and they would do what I asked. He didn't believe me but did it anyway. Their whole mood changed and they miraculously discovered the locks for the door. He tells that story to this day because he is still so shocked that women really go through that. That is another reason I always bring a man when dealing with car issues. I do the talking but their presence makes a huge difference.
I'll have to get my DH to do this! I have told him that next time we buy a new TV (or whatever) I will go by myself! it is so annoying to have the sales man (young boy) busily talking to my Husband with his back to me, then get home and DH say, I didn't understand a word! The really really annoying thing is that males will NOT admit to not understanding - they seem to be afraid that they will lose respect -- or some such silly thing!
To find out what an expert has to say about these psychological tricks, Bored Panda reached out to Susan Petang, a certified life coach, teaching adults and teens. Susan runs “The Quiet Zone Coaching” and she has now prepared a set of essential life skills and solution for anyone who’s preparing for the post-pandemic world.
When it comes to mind tricks, Susan said that everyone uses one from one time to time, even if they're unaware they're doing it. Moreover, “There are many psychological tricks floating around out there—I couldn't possibly name them all,” the life coach explained.
To avoid workplace drama and be liked, compliment people behind their back.
Be direct and personal when you need things. Instead of asking IF anyone has an EpiPen, ask WHO has an EpiPen. Instead of saying, 'Someone call 911,' point to someone and say, 'Go call 911 and come tell me when they are on the way.
If you look happy to see someone every time you see them, they will eventually be happy to see you.
“One I use frequently (which isn't really a 'trick,' but a communication tool) is called reflective listening,” Susan said and added: “Often other people just want to be heard, and this tool provides not only that, but helps clarify information so misunderstandings don't occur.”
Some examples of the reflective listening include: "It sounds like you feel...", "I'm hearing that you want...", "It seems like you're upset about...", "I see that you're feeling..."
Don’t apologise. Thank them.
When you’re delivering food that’s taken a while to cook don’t say “sorry for the delay,” say “thanks for your patience”
Saying sorry focuses on your fault. Thanking focuses on their good quality.
I actually do this with my kids when I can't get them what they want/need right away. It really does make a difference and reinforces positive behavior.
I currently manage around 240 people among six restaurants. It is often hard to get them to do what is needed. I have found that saying, 'I need your help' is effective in getting them on board. People want to feel needed and that they are making a difference. Expressing that need to them as much as possible makes all the difference in the world.
Identify employees to be in charge of certain parts of the process ... if the drink station is always a mess, identify someone to routinely check on it and clean/organize as needed. If you see the drink station in chaos, go back to the person you put in charge and figure out what the issue is ... if "everybody" in charge of something, then "no one" is in charge because non one takes responsibility.
Don’t say “it’s okay” when someone apologizes. Say something like, “thank you for apologizing.”
if someone needs to apologize to you, then it was something that isn’t okay. my mom teaches this to her kindergartners and it really does make a difference. opens doors for growth and conversation too. “thank you for apologizing, I don’t like it when you hit me.” or whatever.
In fact, “a lot of those little psychological 'tricks' we use come from our families. We either mimic what we hear growing up, or do the opposite because, as we are more aware of those around us as we mature, we find the way we learned to communicate from our parents distasteful.”
Susan warns that “if you try using a style or a trick that doesn't feel right to you, it'll come off sounding fake and manipulative.”
Instead of asking, 'Do you have any questions?' I ask, 'What questions do you have?' The first almost always results in silence, while the second helps people feel comfortable asking questions.
Saying 'You're right!' instead of 'I know' makes you look less like a [jerk] and doesn't diminish something someone else may have just found out.
On an airplane, if my seatmate is hogging the armrest or being too chatty, I grab the barf bag. Works every time.
On the other hand, one should use mind tricks and tools with caution since Susan warned that it is possible to do more harm than good with little psychological tricks. “For example, one little trick I read about is thanking someone for a trait they don't have. While that is usually very effective, it can backfire. For example, if you thank a coworker for being patient when she wasn't, she may think you're accepting her impatient behavior as 'patient'—and behave that way again.”
She also said that “Every situation and person is different. It's tough to create blanket techniques for dealing with others that are always effective, so learning to read the moods and motivations of others is a great skill.”
When somebody shy is speaking, if you look at them and nod your head, it encourages them to keep talking.
give kids 2 choices instead of letting them pick from whatever
you control.
could be 2 points of time. like "now" or in 10 minutes,
or do you want the red or the blue shirt on
things like that
works wonderfully. they feel in control, but have absolutely no control.
can work with some adults too
Yes! That's a good trick! If you leave too much choice, they will be indecisive, but give them option A or B and it will be easier to choose and they'll be happy with the results because they 'decided' the outcome.
When I do something bothersome to my husband and he goes quiet, I wait a few minutes and then ask him a seemingly innocent question, usually on the subject of how certain parts of a car works. This gets him talking about the car thing and he rambles for like five minutes, and then, bam! He’s happy again and not quietly brooding. I’ll never tell him I do this because I’m afraid it won’t work anymore if he knows about it. It’s foolproof, though; it works every single time, no matter how bothered he is.
If you ever wonder whether anything you say or do may harm another person, you may want to ask yourself a couple of check-up questions. Susan counsels her clients to ask themselves these questions when they need to decide what to say or how to behave: “Am I hurting someone else?” (Think carefully!); “Am I hurting myself?” (Think carefully!); “Am I willing to accept the consequences of this action?”; “Does this fit in with my value system?”; “Would the person I want to be (or my hero) do or say this?”; “Is it kind?” (Kindness trumps honesty every time—unless someone is about to walk off a cliff!)
"Tell me about your day. " instead of "How was your day?"
I do it when I really want to chat with a person and not get the usual "It's been OK" then nothing out of them after that.
Heard it on reddit a while back and I am amazed at how well it works. You get some info out of the person that you can maybe relate to, or help with or share similar ideas/stories.
When I have something important to say to my kids, I say it very quietly so that they listen. They're immune to my yelling, but whispering gets their attention.
If you need to deescalate someone and get them to communicate, ask them questions about numbers or personal information. I work in emergency services. If someone is totally distraught and shut down, asking their phone number, address, Social Security number, or birth date can pull them out of an emotional place and bring them back to a headspace where they can talk about what happened more easily. I often ask these questions even after I have the information, just to deescalate.
At this point it's pretty well known, but Ive been using it for a few decades and has a special spot for me because I 'came up with it' (and was probably the 3 billionth person to 'come up with it').
Flip a coin if you cant decide something, and then follow whether or not you feel happy or disappointed with the result that it gives you.
I have a coworker who is an excessive talker. She has a heart of gold and means no harm whatsoever, but I don't have time to listen to her stream of consciousness every day. Anytime she comes into my office to chat, I give her a minute to get the gist out, and then I stand and walk out of my office. She always follows and continues yammering, and we walk right back to her cubicle. Sometimes I'll ditch her in the hallway under a guise of forgetting something at my desk. She hasnt noticed yet that I've been walking her back to her desk for months.
Put headphones in and play the music that fits your hoped-for mood. It shifts me over to it mentally. It really helps when I need to calm down or when I need to feel happier.
When you are standing in a group and somebody tells a joke or something funny happens, people tend to look towards the person they like the most while laughing.
If you're trying to pick out dinner with your partner, rather than ask, 'What do you want?' and getting the typical 'I don't know, anything' answer and then having suggestions shot down, start with, 'What do you NOT want? Used it a few times in some of my relationships, and it's the godsend question
If I desperately need to poo and I'm on my way to the bathroom (eg. driving home or walking to one) I'll imagine it in my mind as being really far away. This stops the urgency and I find I can get there calmly :-)
If you need to remember something, think about it while doing something noticeably unusual. This will pair the memory with the "something", so that when it is noticed later on it will trigger that particular memory.
e.g. I need to take out the garbage before going to bed.
Put your pillow at the foot of your bed.
Making people think that you need them is always better than asking them to simply do something for you.
i.e: instead of saying: "Can you do this for me?" you should say: "Listen I need you help; I can't do this."
Makes people feel good about themselves and even like you on a deeper level.
This is certainly true, but please don't make it obvious that you're just using a trick on them. It would be nice if you actually meant it. I've been tricked like this multiple times by one person in charge in my first workplace. I fell for for it and felt incredibly flattered, but then I caught on and just felt stupid. I still do, and it's a LONG time ago.
Say hello to everybody you know, and say it with a smile. Just imagine: If someone walks into you twice a year and both times you smile and greet them enthusiastically, they will think of you as a nice person. So little effort for a person to find you friendly!
"Hmmm Donny smiled at me both times I saw him, but both times he stole my wallet....I'm torn"
If you hand something to someone they will take it. It’s a lot of fun
This is dumb and shouldn't work. But I'm a bartender. And if I ask someone if they want another drink and nod my head at the same time most people are inclined to do it.
Listen to someone without giving advice or asking for more information. This typically gets me more information than if I were to be pushy about it.
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I don’t know if this counts but if someone is crying or having a hard time DONT say it’s ok. It’s not ok. They are upset and not ok. Instead say like that’s seems really hard or yeah that guy is a jerk.
Sometimes all people need is a sympathetic, unjudgmental ear.
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Too be honest, a lot of these tricks are awfully manipulative and often used by abusers. It's a fine line to thread, be careful.
I think most of these tricks are innocent enough - and using them won't turn you into an abuser. That said, manipulative people will use them and others, for sure.
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Love the post, but the amount of negative comments on here is astronomical.
When I worked at a petrol station as an attendant, on sunny days I wanted to be outside and pumping peoples fuel for them. But when it was raining I hated it out there. So I found it's all in how you ask. If I asked "do you need any help?" 90% of people reflexed answered "no", and I could walk back inside out of the rain, you'd get caught by that ten percent but it still had you going back inside soon enough. If I wanted to stay out I'd ask "can I do that for you" and seriously the percentages flipped, I'd say 90% of people answered "yes" to that, as soon as I'd finish with a car another would be there and I'd ask again and they'd say yes too, so then I could stay out in the sun pretty much for as long as I wanted.
When you want someone to be more agreeable, ask a question he/she HAS to answer with "Yes". When they once have said yes, they will be more open. If a person is shy, lower your voice and speak slowly and not too loud.
The yes-trick is a dangerous weapon when it is in the hands of sales people.
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Sometimes if i want something or want to do something but i need permission, ill tell the person that im going to do it instead of asking if i can. "Im going to get icecream with my friends" instead of "can i get icecream with my friends"
Many of these are active vs passive voice. In order to help in situations it's oftentimes better to be an active voice, using action verbs. When we speak passively it can oftentimes lead to being steamrolled/seen as indecisive or aloof. Not in every situation mind you, just a generalization. This also works with listening, being an active listener validates the speaker. You don't have to interject thoughts but maintaining eye contact, non verbal communication and sympathy/empathy really goes a long way.
Some of these are really good ideas, but a lot are just manipulative. You should *mean* it when you ask for help, and be prepared to *do* something, not just pass it off to someone else.
I think that few of these techniques actually address the person's needs or interests. They are ways of manipulating someone.
Handing someone something random is a very fun thing to do. If you’re engaged in a conversation and hand them something it works the best, they’ll just take it.
This is off topic but does it say "eople" at the title for anyone else?
I would be completely weirded out if someone listen or talks to me with their eyes closed. That is definitely not an acceptable social behaviour in NL.
Load More Replies... I don’t know if this counts but if someone is crying or having a hard time DONT say it’s ok. It’s not ok. They are upset and not ok. Instead say like that’s seems really hard or yeah that guy is a jerk.
Sometimes all people need is a sympathetic, unjudgmental ear.
Load More Replies... Too be honest, a lot of these tricks are awfully manipulative and often used by abusers. It's a fine line to thread, be careful.
I think most of these tricks are innocent enough - and using them won't turn you into an abuser. That said, manipulative people will use them and others, for sure.
Load More Replies... Love the post, but the amount of negative comments on here is astronomical.
When I worked at a petrol station as an attendant, on sunny days I wanted to be outside and pumping peoples fuel for them. But when it was raining I hated it out there. So I found it's all in how you ask. If I asked "do you need any help?" 90% of people reflexed answered "no", and I could walk back inside out of the rain, you'd get caught by that ten percent but it still had you going back inside soon enough. If I wanted to stay out I'd ask "can I do that for you" and seriously the percentages flipped, I'd say 90% of people answered "yes" to that, as soon as I'd finish with a car another would be there and I'd ask again and they'd say yes too, so then I could stay out in the sun pretty much for as long as I wanted.
When you want someone to be more agreeable, ask a question he/she HAS to answer with "Yes". When they once have said yes, they will be more open. If a person is shy, lower your voice and speak slowly and not too loud.
The yes-trick is a dangerous weapon when it is in the hands of sales people.
Load More Replies... Sometimes if i want something or want to do something but i need permission, ill tell the person that im going to do it instead of asking if i can. "Im going to get icecream with my friends" instead of "can i get icecream with my friends"
Many of these are active vs passive voice. In order to help in situations it's oftentimes better to be an active voice, using action verbs. When we speak passively it can oftentimes lead to being steamrolled/seen as indecisive or aloof. Not in every situation mind you, just a generalization. This also works with listening, being an active listener validates the speaker. You don't have to interject thoughts but maintaining eye contact, non verbal communication and sympathy/empathy really goes a long way.
Some of these are really good ideas, but a lot are just manipulative. You should *mean* it when you ask for help, and be prepared to *do* something, not just pass it off to someone else.
I think that few of these techniques actually address the person's needs or interests. They are ways of manipulating someone.
Handing someone something random is a very fun thing to do. If you’re engaged in a conversation and hand them something it works the best, they’ll just take it.
This is off topic but does it say "eople" at the title for anyone else?
I would be completely weirded out if someone listen or talks to me with their eyes closed. That is definitely not an acceptable social behaviour in NL.
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