Man Gets Upset With His Wife Who Ate His Whole Birthday Cake Because He Left Her Alone To Celebrate His 30th Birthday With His Parents
What usually causes a family drama? Well, literally anything. A car, pets, children, adultery, lack of understanding with relatives… Perhaps these problems occur most often among the root causes of disagreements in couples, but in today’s story, birthday cake was one of the reasons as well.
However, cakes come in different flavors. For example, we know another tale in which a husband had been preparing the same cherry cake for his birthday throughout the years, and when his wife tried to buy him a different cake one year, he simply stood up to the stove and baked his favorite one instead. Today’s narrative isn’t all that funny, but rather sad. However, let’s quickly investigate it.
The original post appeared in the AITA Reddit community quite recently, but has already managed to collect more than 16.1K upvotes and about 3.6K different comments – mostly sympathetic to the author. Indeed, the situation in which she found herself is far from good.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post doesn’t get along with her husband’s family at all, according to her own words
Image credits: Garry Knight (not the actual photo)
So, the author of the original post, in her own words, doesn’t get along with her husband’s family at all. We don’t know how it started, but, unfortunately, it has happened often. Sometimes one of his relatives expects something completely different from what she and her husband choose to do, and when these expectations come into conflict with reality, reproaches and scandals begin.
Image credits: Sou654689
The in-laws even dared to blame the woman for a miscarriage that happened several months ago, so she just cut off all relations with them
Sometimes a son-in-law or daughter-in-law doesn’t do enough to mend their relationship with their in-laws, but other times, however they try, the same old plot is repeated over and over again, year after year, from couple to couple. And this happened in our heroine’s family – moreover, the woman was also blamed for the fact that she had a miscarriage a few months ago. Not surprisingly, the Original Poster decided to cut off all relations with the in-laws altogether and stopped attending their gatherings and events.
Image credits: Sou654689
But in anticipation of her husband’s 30th jubilee, the OP suddenly had to acknowledge his family. She wanted her husband to celebrate his birthday with her, but the man said that he had a long-standing tradition of spending this day with his family, and his relatives would be offended if he did not at least show up at their place.
Image credits: Sou654689
The author’s husband decided to start celebrating his 30th birthday at his parents’ house and then return to his wife
The husband then suggested a compromise option, in his opinion – he would go to his parents’ house, spend some time with them, and then return to his wife, and they’d continue celebrating together. As the OP admits, she was not happy with such an idea, but what could be done here? So the birthday guy left to celebrate, and his wife was left at home alone, along with a recently bought birthday cake.
Image credits: Sou654689
When the husband left, the woman felt so terrible that she just took the birthday cake and ate it entirely
As the OP admits, while she was waiting for her husband, she was completely upset. She tried to call him, but his phone seemed to be switched off. The frustrated woman went to the living room, took the cake and simply began to eat it. “Guess I was so angry and it made me hungry”, the OP remembers. So by the time her husband arrived, it turned out that the entire cake had already been eaten.
Image credits: Piktour UK (not the actual photo)
And then the man got angry. As it turned out, he deliberately did not eat the cake baked for him by his parents – firstly, there were many children who also wanted sweets, and secondly, he knew that a cake from his wife was waiting for him at home. And now the man could not find anything better than to pour out his indignation on his wife. When she reminded him that she actually bought the cake with her own money, the husband called her petty and nuts. So just another family drama with weird accusations against the actual injured party.
The husband blew up at his wife, calling her petty and nuts, though people in the comments supported her massively, claiming the hubby himself is a problem
However, people in the comments completely sided with the Original Poster, claiming that she was not to blame for this situation. Moreover, according to the commenters, it is the OP’s hubby who is completely in the wrong here. “What kind of person prioritizes, let alone speaks to people that blamed his wife for miscarrying?” the commenters ask, arguing that the OP was absolutely right in avoiding any dealing with her toxic in-laws.
According to some commenters, there are so many red flags there that they just don’t know where to begin. If the OP’s husband doesn’t support her in confrontation with his abusive relatives, then he is actually the problem. And throwing a fit over a birthday cake after losing a different battle over different cake with kids seems totally unreasonable as well, according to people in the comments.
Image credits: Phuket@photographer.net (not the actual photo)
We’re pretty sure you’ve already made up your own mind about this particular situation, so please feel free to express it below this post. Comments are highly appreciated, as usual.
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Kummerspeck is a German ward that literally translates to "grief bacon." It's the act of emotional eating. If she was really doing it out of spite she would have thrown it away. Instead, she emotionally ate it. I suggest couples counseling.
Or grief fat, more apropriate translation, cause you get fat because you are eating.. you are eating because you are sad
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He chose to celebrate his birthday with people who BLAMED YOU FOR MISCARRYING! OP, your *husband* will NEVER PRIORITIZE YOU - and if you are okay with that, buy a lot more cake, because you will be alone a lot. If you aren't - GET OUT before you have children with this kind of monster and his family.
I’d say she needs to rethink if she is getting what she needs out of this marriage - like simple love and respect. He sounds like an immature man-child and I should know - I’m married to one too.
"He ranted and ranted then said that he didn't get to eat cake at his parents house because lots of kids were there and he didn't get enough cake.." So which is it, he didn't get to eat cake at his parents' house, or he didn't get enough cake at his parents' house? Because I can see he might have said that, and if he did, he may have revealed his own lie. As for saying she was punishing him for not "ditching his family on his birthday", wtf does he consider his own wife if not family? NTA but please ditch the lot of them.
I thought the same thing at first but then I was like "maybe he brought a cake to share and didn't have enough pieces for everyone so he went without?" Either way husband is definitely the AH.
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This situation has nothing to do with the cake and everything to do with the husband choosing his horrible family over his wife. "Their birthday celebrations are like no other". What does that even mean? If your family mistreats your spouse or your children, you don't have anything to do with them because you are supposed to stand by your new family. This man is going to continue to put his family before his wife and she needs to get out now before they actually have children.
Time to call a divorce lawyer and run from that family. And my rebuttal for them blaming her for a miscarriage would be something along the lines of ..guess the powers that be don't want me to reproduce with y'all's ugly, toxic family
Is he an adult or not? She ate his cake, well go get your own! He should be worried about losing much more than cake.
I'd say she's NTA since his family is pretty s****y indeed, but just eating the whole cake out of spite was a petty way to resolve it that didn't contribute anything but more anger. I'd recommend marriage counseling and some talking, and if that doesn't help, break up. Being mean to each other won't end the turmoil.
It sounds like she was eating her feelings, not deliberately eating the whole cake out of spite.
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Hope OP makes the choice to get out before having a child that has zero choice in who their parents are.
Pro tip: ESH and it will never get better. (Ok ok, it's not likely to ever get better). She's made it a "them or me" ultimatum and punished him for not automatically choosing her. They're both childish and frankly either need HEFTY counseling or just split up. Now, I'm not saying his family is right or even good. They also sound like a$$holes. Just go your own ways and work on yourselves. Feels like they're forcing something because they think this is where they should be "by this age". And if you think his family is bad now, you are going to horrified by what happens after you pop out a couple kids. Just ask yourselves if it's actually worth it. If you both say yes, then it's counseling time, if either of you say no, then it's mediator time.
What hurtful words to say to someone who lost a child, and it wasn't in their control. I have had a miscarriage at 5 months, it is a painful experience. No wonder she ate the whole cake. I have to hope some counseling would shed light on the problems in this situation. It would be the healthiest thing for them at this point. Once family feels it's ok to cross a line they won't go back until he were to stop it as the husband that should be a given.
She says they blamed her, but they may have just said something that she decided was the same as blaming her. She doesn't like them. The problem with the aita posts is they're jaded with the perspective of the OP without any other information. If you remove that one claim and read the whole thing she comes off badly, so I think more than likely that one claim might not belong in the story. It's just as likely that she's a manipulative person who is using something as awful as a miscarriage to emotionally blackmail her husband into staying away from his family, and reacted this way because she was angry that it didn't work. Seeing how she has vanished his entire family from her life because of her "mental health" I'd bet money on my theory. Imagine how selfish it is to add contention to every family interaction your spouse has till death do you part?
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If it was German Chocolate I would have eaten it as well.
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Anybody else here think he wasn't at an epic birthday party with his family, was probably somewhere else, that didn't have cake, and expected to eat that cake later. The whole "I really really want to go because my family's birthday parties are like no other" line just sounds like he was making it up and overselling it.
It makes you wonder what he told his family about the miscarriage. Did he say something to them that started the blame game and will he run whining to them about the cake? It doesn't sound likes he's been standing up for her, but I wonder if he's been contributing to the conflict.
It's not enough information. Most miscarriages are no one's fault. I've had a couple myself, but I've also watch a woman attempt to keep up her normal extremely work out regiment complete with supplements and not tell her doctors until they noticed she was spotting at her appointment, because they expected it all to be okay. So it really just depends. It's possible the husband has seen things and vented to his parents.
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My ex used to have the same problem letting his mom go, once I realized I wasn't never going to be first I bounced. My ex mil is a horrible person and I had three choices, a) stay and put up with the bs b) getting into drugs so I could ignore their bs along with their habits or c) to bounce out and never look back, I chose C and haven't ever regretted it!! Once they blamed you for a miscarriage rather than being supportive and your husband sits there with them after he's not supportive either I think you should ask how much of this are you willing to put up with? And do you want these ppl around your child when they can be so cold towards you, that usually pours over to the children of the person they don't like.. just a thought you add into this mess.
He is TA, not her. Yeah,she probably shouldn't have eaten his whole cake, but she lost her child a mere 3 months earlier. I am still not over my first miscarriage more than 20 years ago. His parents are a massive source of pain for her and he happy boyed his butt to their house to party, even to the point of TURNING OFF HIS PHONE! What if she needed to get a hold of him for an emergency? No, she needs to scrape him off. If he isn't having an affair, then he is at least not concerned one iota about his wife. Run fast. Better off alone and he can crawl back in his Mommy's and Daddy's lap.
If you hadn’t eaten a delicious cake, I would’ve suggested throwing it in the trash..
To sing along with Tammy Wynette for the only time in my life ever: D-I-V-O-R-C-E. That marriage can't survive like this.
That last comment 🤌 you don't want to see his family you think your husband's going to be cool when you do have a child with them not spending it with family? They are also spewing toxic bullsh*t the entire time your not around I guarantee it.
I have two sisters whose ex-husbands could have been siblings to OP's husband. One was physically abusive to the point where my sister suffered a miscarriage. (Fortunately, her MIL was an angel in human form, even rescuing her from an abusive foster home.) My other sister and her two boys were abandoned by her husband in a homeless shelter. Both BIL's put their spouses on the lowest rung of the ladder. OP is in a ba-a-a-a-ad situation, which won't improve with time. Her husband is a major jerkwad, in many ways. Whatever happened to, "a man shall leave his mother, and a woman her home, and the two shall cleave together and be as one flesh"? I guess he left THAT promise at the altar. OP would be much better off offering her hubby one of two choices: marriage counseling or divorce. The cruelty she has suffered at the hands of her in-laws after her miscarriage, not to mention her husband's indifference to it, has gone on for much too long.
That "man" deserves to die alone. What a pitiful excuse for a husband.
Boy, the issues here far exceed the limits of any online forum. First of all, it's abundantly clear that you have married a child and an incredibly selfish one at that. Second of all, you need to fully grasp the magnitude of your insignificance in this relationship(if you could even call it that in good conscience) and I'm going to be blunt bc you need to hear it and I mean REALLY UNDERSTAND IT so you make the right decisions from here bc as it stands...you, your feelings, and your emotional well-being rank lower than his desire for birthday cake. That is some seriously disgusting and manipulative behavior. Whether or not you were being an AH by eating his cake is so far from any of the questions you need to be asking yourself right now.
Nta, your husband should put you first. You CHOOSE your spouse and your loyalty should be to her/him/them
The problems are many, but cake isn't actually one of the biggies. 1. His family are horrible. 2. He doesn't back his wife. 3. His priorities are messed up. Both he and his family should show some sympathy over a lost pregnancy, it's not a blame game. 4. Husband is immature leaving wife home alone after she planned a sweet birthday for him. He needs to cut the cords with his family or with his wife, they obviously don't mix and never will. Respect her or cut her free so someone can love her the right way.
Divorce would be on the cards for me. With a certain level of grateful that you aren’t forever linked to him or them via children.
Obviously he needs to just divorce her. He's too involved with his toxic family to put her above the rest them. When she's able to finally find someone that is not like her oversize child she won't know how to react. Best advice divorce. It's not about cakes, parties, or miscarriages, it lack of love, respect, and communication with extreme healing to overcome the toxicity that had been bred into the man child.
She could have saved him some cake 🎂 but when your depressed sometimes you just keep eating, but I doubt it was a big cake for her to finish it in one evening
sounds like she's on a one-way train to develop emotional eating habits because of this gay and his family
I would've ditched him before marrying him. I mean why marry into this circus?? He is obviously an over grown child and instead acting like a 30 yr old, he throws a tantrum like a 3 yr old...
I'm no longer surprised by all the mama's boys we hear about on Reddit. The males among us are going to have to EVOLVE or this world is doomed. It's pretty disgusting, their manchild behavior.
Cool, where's his side of the story now?.. you say his family blames you, yet he didn't hesitate to head with his family.. too many variable to the story, and eating another person's entire birthday cake is petty and spiteful.. doesn't matter who bought the cake, it was intended for him as a gift.. yta, your husband's actions are yet to be determined..
Had me at blaming her for a miscarriage. In what world is that her fault? Jfc that's just sick. She probably still had a bunch of mental issues because of it, and they're just piling it on for funsies?? What a pack of psychopathic a******s. And the husband? Sorry but no, my husband comes first, and I come first to him. Not to say we don't talk about stuff and tell everyone to f off - we just respect each other and what matters to both of us. If it seemed like I put effort into things, just for him, I 100% know he would stay with me without even asking. He might ask if he could visit his parents the next day or later in the evening, and that'd be fine whatever, but he knows when things matter to me. I don't have to fight , beg or anything with him, and I return that respect as well. I don't understand selfish halves of a couple. Just seems like a child to me, that husband.
Let's pump the brakes. We don't know why they blamed her for the miscarriage- maybe she smoked 2 packs a day, drank a bottle of wine with lunch & dinner & partied with friends till all hours of the night, who knows. Let's put a pin in that. It's his birthday & they're his parents. It sounds like they throw him a party every year & it's a tradition he loves. You can't force someone to ditch their family & annual birthday celebration because you're feuding & nobody's trying to fix it. Lots of people have separate holiday & birthday celebrations with different friends or family circles Not everybody's friends/family get along with all the others, you don't have to blow it up. She may have been stress eating but she made the conscious decision for it to be the birthday cake that she stress ate (and finished) so let's not pretend there was no purpose behind it. This should've all been planned ahead though so no one was left feeling rejected This wasn't their first birthday together, right?
Sounds to me like OP married an overgrown child. Ranting about not getting enough cake because there were too many kids there? Continuing to choose his parents over OP after they blamed her for miscarrying for a party "like no other?" OP should take a hard look at her marriage, especially with those kinds of in-laws and a husband that would rather put instant gratification over his wife.
I understand that he wants to enjoy the parties his family throws, but three month after they blamed his wife for a miscarriage ist NOT the right time for it. I'm betting a good bottle of wine, that in a few years he'll say: "And then she SUDDENLY left me!! Without ever saying what was wrong!!"
He's a selfish egonistic prick get revenge by kicking him and his into touch.
There is more going on in this marriage than a Birthday cake. When he didn't defend you when his parents said you caused a miscarriage and has a fit because he didn't get cake? You both need to see a marriage counselor and see what is going on. He could have celebrated with you first and still have gone to his parents afterwards. He didn't put you first.
Sorry for her loss but maybe it is something warning her NOT to have kids with this man. Still seeing his family after they were cruel to his wife? Don't have kids with him and cut your losses before you do have a child. The s****y husband begs for his family to see the child and the family tries to brainwash the child against you!!!!!
I don’t know what happened with the miscarriage. If the doctor told you to stop running marathons and lifting weights because you were having pregnancy problems, and you did it anyway, I could see that causing some bad feelings in a family. But, you would’ve suffered more than anyone, and for them to actually mention it out loud regardless of the situation, is extremely crude and I do understand why you don’t want to be with them. And I do not understand your husband or his family. And quite likely the miscarriage was caused for unknown reasons which is not something you could even have had any input in. In which case your husband‘s an even bigger AH, as are his parents. I don’t know if counseling can fix this but counseling or divorce sound like the solution. In any case you should have counseling for you, because emotionally eating a whole cake means that you’re under a lot of stress.
Husband was absolutely wrong. But dang, she ate a whole cake by herself. Oof
ESH. Such a solid ESH. To the people who expect a person to completely cut off his *parents and family* over horribly handling a miscarriage, you're just not in touch with reality. The wife is well in her right to not ever see them again, and to stay home instead of attend the party. The husband did not ask her for the cake, and asked to celebrate separately with her so he could also celebrate with the people that she has rightfully set her own boundary to not see. Eating the cake was just petty, and she did it as an act of revenge instead of sitting her husband down and talking about the actual deeper issues. The husband is an incredible a*****e, too. Going to a birthday party with people that his wife refuses to see is fine; couples make such arrangements all the time, "I know you don't like them but I want to see them, so you and I will have our celebration separately." However, the way he behaved when he got home was beyond the pale. Throwing a tantrum because he
"didn't get enough cake at the party"? Who the hell screams at their spouse because they didn't get enough of a treat? What an absolute selfish child. I think he's also ignoring an elephant in the room. Both spouses are being toddlers about a cake instead of communicating with each other about the bigger issues like mature adults. They need couple's counseling, and probably individual counseling as well. Husband needs to get out of the FOG, and both of them need to work on boundaries, communication, and handling their emotional baggage like adults instead of like children.
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OP sounds like a drama queen to me. I don't think I believe her when she says she was blamed for a miscarriage. Sounds like she turns herself into a victim and escalates the slightest amount of conflict. All I hear here is poor me, me, me, me, me.
How does a person physically eat an ENTIRE CAKE in one evening?????? I didn't know that was possible!
Yeah I think YTA. Inlaws are jerks sometimes, but they're his family and it was his birthday. He's not going to cut off his parents and siblings and it's not reasonable to expect that. You don't want to go there because you're on bad terms with them, and that's 100% fine but there's nothing wrong with him enjoying their party on his birthday, because it's not about you, it's his birthday. Eating his whole cake was petty. It was a choice. I don't know the context of the miscarriage blame thing, but abusers commonly try to drive a wedge between their romantic partners and their close friends and family, and from your description there was no other birthday plan but for him to stay home and look at you and eat cake. You might be the problem.
Right she should've just let him enjoy his time with his family and spend time with him when he gets back. Just because you don't get along with someones family you can't expect them to just cut them off if that's not what they want to do. And you shouldn't want them to. That's super personal I would never ever let anybody else influence my decision on if I wanted to cut my family out of my life however "toxic" they are.
Load More Replies... His family is indeed crappy. But, they are his family. Without them, she wouldn't have a husband. It sounds as though it's a tradition for them to have family birthday parties. He didn't try to get her to go,knowing the way she feels. STA. He tried to compromise but she didn't want any part of that. It was her way or she's eating the cake.
I feel like you're probably married 😂. I feel the same way. It's his family, his parents, and his day. She says he can see them whenever he wants to but then got mad and sad when he wanted to attend the party they threw for him. She made it sound like a surprise but it was a party with kids that his parents had organized... she didn't know this was a thing? We know from what she wrote that she was not interested in going and if she's a source of conflict they probably didn't want her there, him included, because they don't mix well. But no one made her sit at home alone and eat his cake. And the "I bought it" is very telling because it was fit his birthday. His day can't be special without her. She has some signs here of being a toxic person, not him. She could have done her own thing and enjoyed a LATER birthday with her husband. I've been married for 20 years and that's exactly what I would have done. I have one inlaw that no one wants to spend time with and it is 100% on them.
Load More Replies... Well, his family sound like they're totally TA, but come on, eating every slice of the cake, without leaving him a bite of it? YTA a little, too. Even if he's TA for going to his family's (even if they're being TA to you, it doesn't necessarily mean he's TA to not cut off his relationship to them). I hate the AITA because we never hear the other side, but also it presumes there is one and only one side, NTA or YTA.
She ate it all out of emotional eating, not spite. He chose his family over her despite how disgusting they are. Also, if it's only a cake for two it was most likely very small.
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How exactly were you blamed for a miscarriage? Considering you ate an entire cake by yourself I'm wondering could you be heavily over weight? Unhealthy habits including obesity do cause miscarriages. And this family birthday party sounds like a regular thing so you must have known. I can understand the hurt when you felt he chose family over you but it was your choice, understandably, not to be around his family but ultimately his choice to celebrate with his family and I'm sure friends. You legit ruined his birthday by trying to force him to stay home and eat cake with you. Put yourself in his position. I'm not saying you're the AH here but making him feel guilty on his birthday is pretty crappy.
Fucck you. I ate your cake. You celebrated with your family. You chose your family over me instead of celebrating with me first. Boo hoo. Here are the divorce papers. Maybe Mommy and daddy will help you sign them. This is a much bigger problem than a cake
Kummerspeck is a German ward that literally translates to "grief bacon." It's the act of emotional eating. If she was really doing it out of spite she would have thrown it away. Instead, she emotionally ate it. I suggest couples counseling.
Or grief fat, more apropriate translation, cause you get fat because you are eating.. you are eating because you are sad
Load More Replies... He chose to celebrate his birthday with people who BLAMED YOU FOR MISCARRYING! OP, your *husband* will NEVER PRIORITIZE YOU - and if you are okay with that, buy a lot more cake, because you will be alone a lot. If you aren't - GET OUT before you have children with this kind of monster and his family.
I’d say she needs to rethink if she is getting what she needs out of this marriage - like simple love and respect. He sounds like an immature man-child and I should know - I’m married to one too.
"He ranted and ranted then said that he didn't get to eat cake at his parents house because lots of kids were there and he didn't get enough cake.." So which is it, he didn't get to eat cake at his parents' house, or he didn't get enough cake at his parents' house? Because I can see he might have said that, and if he did, he may have revealed his own lie. As for saying she was punishing him for not "ditching his family on his birthday", wtf does he consider his own wife if not family? NTA but please ditch the lot of them.
I thought the same thing at first but then I was like "maybe he brought a cake to share and didn't have enough pieces for everyone so he went without?" Either way husband is definitely the AH.
Load More Replies... This situation has nothing to do with the cake and everything to do with the husband choosing his horrible family over his wife. "Their birthday celebrations are like no other". What does that even mean? If your family mistreats your spouse or your children, you don't have anything to do with them because you are supposed to stand by your new family. This man is going to continue to put his family before his wife and she needs to get out now before they actually have children.
Time to call a divorce lawyer and run from that family. And my rebuttal for them blaming her for a miscarriage would be something along the lines of ..guess the powers that be don't want me to reproduce with y'all's ugly, toxic family
Is he an adult or not? She ate his cake, well go get your own! He should be worried about losing much more than cake.
I'd say she's NTA since his family is pretty s****y indeed, but just eating the whole cake out of spite was a petty way to resolve it that didn't contribute anything but more anger. I'd recommend marriage counseling and some talking, and if that doesn't help, break up. Being mean to each other won't end the turmoil.
It sounds like she was eating her feelings, not deliberately eating the whole cake out of spite.
Load More Replies... Hope OP makes the choice to get out before having a child that has zero choice in who their parents are.
Pro tip: ESH and it will never get better. (Ok ok, it's not likely to ever get better). She's made it a "them or me" ultimatum and punished him for not automatically choosing her. They're both childish and frankly either need HEFTY counseling or just split up. Now, I'm not saying his family is right or even good. They also sound like a$$holes. Just go your own ways and work on yourselves. Feels like they're forcing something because they think this is where they should be "by this age". And if you think his family is bad now, you are going to horrified by what happens after you pop out a couple kids. Just ask yourselves if it's actually worth it. If you both say yes, then it's counseling time, if either of you say no, then it's mediator time.
What hurtful words to say to someone who lost a child, and it wasn't in their control. I have had a miscarriage at 5 months, it is a painful experience. No wonder she ate the whole cake. I have to hope some counseling would shed light on the problems in this situation. It would be the healthiest thing for them at this point. Once family feels it's ok to cross a line they won't go back until he were to stop it as the husband that should be a given.
She says they blamed her, but they may have just said something that she decided was the same as blaming her. She doesn't like them. The problem with the aita posts is they're jaded with the perspective of the OP without any other information. If you remove that one claim and read the whole thing she comes off badly, so I think more than likely that one claim might not belong in the story. It's just as likely that she's a manipulative person who is using something as awful as a miscarriage to emotionally blackmail her husband into staying away from his family, and reacted this way because she was angry that it didn't work. Seeing how she has vanished his entire family from her life because of her "mental health" I'd bet money on my theory. Imagine how selfish it is to add contention to every family interaction your spouse has till death do you part?
Load More Replies... If it was German Chocolate I would have eaten it as well.
Load More Replies... Anybody else here think he wasn't at an epic birthday party with his family, was probably somewhere else, that didn't have cake, and expected to eat that cake later. The whole "I really really want to go because my family's birthday parties are like no other" line just sounds like he was making it up and overselling it.
It makes you wonder what he told his family about the miscarriage. Did he say something to them that started the blame game and will he run whining to them about the cake? It doesn't sound likes he's been standing up for her, but I wonder if he's been contributing to the conflict.
It's not enough information. Most miscarriages are no one's fault. I've had a couple myself, but I've also watch a woman attempt to keep up her normal extremely work out regiment complete with supplements and not tell her doctors until they noticed she was spotting at her appointment, because they expected it all to be okay. So it really just depends. It's possible the husband has seen things and vented to his parents.
Load More Replies... My ex used to have the same problem letting his mom go, once I realized I wasn't never going to be first I bounced. My ex mil is a horrible person and I had three choices, a) stay and put up with the bs b) getting into drugs so I could ignore their bs along with their habits or c) to bounce out and never look back, I chose C and haven't ever regretted it!! Once they blamed you for a miscarriage rather than being supportive and your husband sits there with them after he's not supportive either I think you should ask how much of this are you willing to put up with? And do you want these ppl around your child when they can be so cold towards you, that usually pours over to the children of the person they don't like.. just a thought you add into this mess.
He is TA, not her. Yeah,she probably shouldn't have eaten his whole cake, but she lost her child a mere 3 months earlier. I am still not over my first miscarriage more than 20 years ago. His parents are a massive source of pain for her and he happy boyed his butt to their house to party, even to the point of TURNING OFF HIS PHONE! What if she needed to get a hold of him for an emergency? No, she needs to scrape him off. If he isn't having an affair, then he is at least not concerned one iota about his wife. Run fast. Better off alone and he can crawl back in his Mommy's and Daddy's lap.
If you hadn’t eaten a delicious cake, I would’ve suggested throwing it in the trash..
To sing along with Tammy Wynette for the only time in my life ever: D-I-V-O-R-C-E. That marriage can't survive like this.
That last comment 🤌 you don't want to see his family you think your husband's going to be cool when you do have a child with them not spending it with family? They are also spewing toxic bullsh*t the entire time your not around I guarantee it.
I have two sisters whose ex-husbands could have been siblings to OP's husband. One was physically abusive to the point where my sister suffered a miscarriage. (Fortunately, her MIL was an angel in human form, even rescuing her from an abusive foster home.) My other sister and her two boys were abandoned by her husband in a homeless shelter. Both BIL's put their spouses on the lowest rung of the ladder. OP is in a ba-a-a-a-ad situation, which won't improve with time. Her husband is a major jerkwad, in many ways. Whatever happened to, "a man shall leave his mother, and a woman her home, and the two shall cleave together and be as one flesh"? I guess he left THAT promise at the altar. OP would be much better off offering her hubby one of two choices: marriage counseling or divorce. The cruelty she has suffered at the hands of her in-laws after her miscarriage, not to mention her husband's indifference to it, has gone on for much too long.
That "man" deserves to die alone. What a pitiful excuse for a husband.
Boy, the issues here far exceed the limits of any online forum. First of all, it's abundantly clear that you have married a child and an incredibly selfish one at that. Second of all, you need to fully grasp the magnitude of your insignificance in this relationship(if you could even call it that in good conscience) and I'm going to be blunt bc you need to hear it and I mean REALLY UNDERSTAND IT so you make the right decisions from here bc as it stands...you, your feelings, and your emotional well-being rank lower than his desire for birthday cake. That is some seriously disgusting and manipulative behavior. Whether or not you were being an AH by eating his cake is so far from any of the questions you need to be asking yourself right now.
Nta, your husband should put you first. You CHOOSE your spouse and your loyalty should be to her/him/them
The problems are many, but cake isn't actually one of the biggies. 1. His family are horrible. 2. He doesn't back his wife. 3. His priorities are messed up. Both he and his family should show some sympathy over a lost pregnancy, it's not a blame game. 4. Husband is immature leaving wife home alone after she planned a sweet birthday for him. He needs to cut the cords with his family or with his wife, they obviously don't mix and never will. Respect her or cut her free so someone can love her the right way.
Divorce would be on the cards for me. With a certain level of grateful that you aren’t forever linked to him or them via children.
Obviously he needs to just divorce her. He's too involved with his toxic family to put her above the rest them. When she's able to finally find someone that is not like her oversize child she won't know how to react. Best advice divorce. It's not about cakes, parties, or miscarriages, it lack of love, respect, and communication with extreme healing to overcome the toxicity that had been bred into the man child.
She could have saved him some cake 🎂 but when your depressed sometimes you just keep eating, but I doubt it was a big cake for her to finish it in one evening
sounds like she's on a one-way train to develop emotional eating habits because of this gay and his family
I would've ditched him before marrying him. I mean why marry into this circus?? He is obviously an over grown child and instead acting like a 30 yr old, he throws a tantrum like a 3 yr old...
I'm no longer surprised by all the mama's boys we hear about on Reddit. The males among us are going to have to EVOLVE or this world is doomed. It's pretty disgusting, their manchild behavior.
Cool, where's his side of the story now?.. you say his family blames you, yet he didn't hesitate to head with his family.. too many variable to the story, and eating another person's entire birthday cake is petty and spiteful.. doesn't matter who bought the cake, it was intended for him as a gift.. yta, your husband's actions are yet to be determined..
Had me at blaming her for a miscarriage. In what world is that her fault? Jfc that's just sick. She probably still had a bunch of mental issues because of it, and they're just piling it on for funsies?? What a pack of psychopathic a******s. And the husband? Sorry but no, my husband comes first, and I come first to him. Not to say we don't talk about stuff and tell everyone to f off - we just respect each other and what matters to both of us. If it seemed like I put effort into things, just for him, I 100% know he would stay with me without even asking. He might ask if he could visit his parents the next day or later in the evening, and that'd be fine whatever, but he knows when things matter to me. I don't have to fight , beg or anything with him, and I return that respect as well. I don't understand selfish halves of a couple. Just seems like a child to me, that husband.
Let's pump the brakes. We don't know why they blamed her for the miscarriage- maybe she smoked 2 packs a day, drank a bottle of wine with lunch & dinner & partied with friends till all hours of the night, who knows. Let's put a pin in that. It's his birthday & they're his parents. It sounds like they throw him a party every year & it's a tradition he loves. You can't force someone to ditch their family & annual birthday celebration because you're feuding & nobody's trying to fix it. Lots of people have separate holiday & birthday celebrations with different friends or family circles Not everybody's friends/family get along with all the others, you don't have to blow it up. She may have been stress eating but she made the conscious decision for it to be the birthday cake that she stress ate (and finished) so let's not pretend there was no purpose behind it. This should've all been planned ahead though so no one was left feeling rejected This wasn't their first birthday together, right?
Sounds to me like OP married an overgrown child. Ranting about not getting enough cake because there were too many kids there? Continuing to choose his parents over OP after they blamed her for miscarrying for a party "like no other?" OP should take a hard look at her marriage, especially with those kinds of in-laws and a husband that would rather put instant gratification over his wife.
I understand that he wants to enjoy the parties his family throws, but three month after they blamed his wife for a miscarriage ist NOT the right time for it. I'm betting a good bottle of wine, that in a few years he'll say: "And then she SUDDENLY left me!! Without ever saying what was wrong!!"
He's a selfish egonistic prick get revenge by kicking him and his into touch.
There is more going on in this marriage than a Birthday cake. When he didn't defend you when his parents said you caused a miscarriage and has a fit because he didn't get cake? You both need to see a marriage counselor and see what is going on. He could have celebrated with you first and still have gone to his parents afterwards. He didn't put you first.
Sorry for her loss but maybe it is something warning her NOT to have kids with this man. Still seeing his family after they were cruel to his wife? Don't have kids with him and cut your losses before you do have a child. The s****y husband begs for his family to see the child and the family tries to brainwash the child against you!!!!!
I don’t know what happened with the miscarriage. If the doctor told you to stop running marathons and lifting weights because you were having pregnancy problems, and you did it anyway, I could see that causing some bad feelings in a family. But, you would’ve suffered more than anyone, and for them to actually mention it out loud regardless of the situation, is extremely crude and I do understand why you don’t want to be with them. And I do not understand your husband or his family. And quite likely the miscarriage was caused for unknown reasons which is not something you could even have had any input in. In which case your husband‘s an even bigger AH, as are his parents. I don’t know if counseling can fix this but counseling or divorce sound like the solution. In any case you should have counseling for you, because emotionally eating a whole cake means that you’re under a lot of stress.
Husband was absolutely wrong. But dang, she ate a whole cake by herself. Oof
ESH. Such a solid ESH. To the people who expect a person to completely cut off his *parents and family* over horribly handling a miscarriage, you're just not in touch with reality. The wife is well in her right to not ever see them again, and to stay home instead of attend the party. The husband did not ask her for the cake, and asked to celebrate separately with her so he could also celebrate with the people that she has rightfully set her own boundary to not see. Eating the cake was just petty, and she did it as an act of revenge instead of sitting her husband down and talking about the actual deeper issues. The husband is an incredible a*****e, too. Going to a birthday party with people that his wife refuses to see is fine; couples make such arrangements all the time, "I know you don't like them but I want to see them, so you and I will have our celebration separately." However, the way he behaved when he got home was beyond the pale. Throwing a tantrum because he
"didn't get enough cake at the party"? Who the hell screams at their spouse because they didn't get enough of a treat? What an absolute selfish child. I think he's also ignoring an elephant in the room. Both spouses are being toddlers about a cake instead of communicating with each other about the bigger issues like mature adults. They need couple's counseling, and probably individual counseling as well. Husband needs to get out of the FOG, and both of them need to work on boundaries, communication, and handling their emotional baggage like adults instead of like children.
Load More Replies... OP sounds like a drama queen to me. I don't think I believe her when she says she was blamed for a miscarriage. Sounds like she turns herself into a victim and escalates the slightest amount of conflict. All I hear here is poor me, me, me, me, me.
How does a person physically eat an ENTIRE CAKE in one evening?????? I didn't know that was possible!
Yeah I think YTA. Inlaws are jerks sometimes, but they're his family and it was his birthday. He's not going to cut off his parents and siblings and it's not reasonable to expect that. You don't want to go there because you're on bad terms with them, and that's 100% fine but there's nothing wrong with him enjoying their party on his birthday, because it's not about you, it's his birthday. Eating his whole cake was petty. It was a choice. I don't know the context of the miscarriage blame thing, but abusers commonly try to drive a wedge between their romantic partners and their close friends and family, and from your description there was no other birthday plan but for him to stay home and look at you and eat cake. You might be the problem.
Right she should've just let him enjoy his time with his family and spend time with him when he gets back. Just because you don't get along with someones family you can't expect them to just cut them off if that's not what they want to do. And you shouldn't want them to. That's super personal I would never ever let anybody else influence my decision on if I wanted to cut my family out of my life however "toxic" they are.
Load More Replies... His family is indeed crappy. But, they are his family. Without them, she wouldn't have a husband. It sounds as though it's a tradition for them to have family birthday parties. He didn't try to get her to go,knowing the way she feels. STA. He tried to compromise but she didn't want any part of that. It was her way or she's eating the cake.
I feel like you're probably married 😂. I feel the same way. It's his family, his parents, and his day. She says he can see them whenever he wants to but then got mad and sad when he wanted to attend the party they threw for him. She made it sound like a surprise but it was a party with kids that his parents had organized... she didn't know this was a thing? We know from what she wrote that she was not interested in going and if she's a source of conflict they probably didn't want her there, him included, because they don't mix well. But no one made her sit at home alone and eat his cake. And the "I bought it" is very telling because it was fit his birthday. His day can't be special without her. She has some signs here of being a toxic person, not him. She could have done her own thing and enjoyed a LATER birthday with her husband. I've been married for 20 years and that's exactly what I would have done. I have one inlaw that no one wants to spend time with and it is 100% on them.
Load More Replies... Well, his family sound like they're totally TA, but come on, eating every slice of the cake, without leaving him a bite of it? YTA a little, too. Even if he's TA for going to his family's (even if they're being TA to you, it doesn't necessarily mean he's TA to not cut off his relationship to them). I hate the AITA because we never hear the other side, but also it presumes there is one and only one side, NTA or YTA.
She ate it all out of emotional eating, not spite. He chose his family over her despite how disgusting they are. Also, if it's only a cake for two it was most likely very small.
Load More Replies... How exactly were you blamed for a miscarriage? Considering you ate an entire cake by yourself I'm wondering could you be heavily over weight? Unhealthy habits including obesity do cause miscarriages. And this family birthday party sounds like a regular thing so you must have known. I can understand the hurt when you felt he chose family over you but it was your choice, understandably, not to be around his family but ultimately his choice to celebrate with his family and I'm sure friends. You legit ruined his birthday by trying to force him to stay home and eat cake with you. Put yourself in his position. I'm not saying you're the AH here but making him feel guilty on his birthday is pretty crappy.
Fucck you. I ate your cake. You celebrated with your family. You chose your family over me instead of celebrating with me first. Boo hoo. Here are the divorce papers. Maybe Mommy and daddy will help you sign them. This is a much bigger problem than a cake
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