A wedding is a beautiful thing. When done correctly, it's a personal celebration of love; a proverbial fusion of two souls into one.
At its worst, however, it can morph into a money-hungry industry, chasing after every penny in your pocket.
This is largely because there are a lot of outdated and quite frankly superficial customs that have been carrying on for far too long, mainly due to social inertia.
Interested in these cases, Reddit user u/mathsoprano17 posted a question on the platform: "What's the dumbest wedding tradition?" And they got plenty of replies.
Below, you will find some of the most popular ones that should make you rethink what a typical modern ceremony ought to look like.
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Bachelor parties at strip clubs/ Vegas hotel rooms with a private stripper.
Your last hoorah was before you started dating her, not the night before you get married. Stop acting like being faithful is some kind of funeral.
It's getting more absurd with each passing year. It went from a night out with the guys/girls to one-week vacation abroad. Why??
Going deeply into debt to make it happen in the first place.
American bride fantasy. Growing up believing the wedding has to be a princess fairytale.
Expecting your friends to spend thousands of dollars on you with stupid destination bachelor parties, dress/tux rentals, hotels, miscellaneous b******t.
Smashing a cake in the groom/bride face. Seen too many where they really smash them with the cake
Rehearsal dinners and all the pre-wedding events are b******t. They are unnecessary money spent. If you need to rehearse getting married, then you've complicated your damn ceremony. Get engaged, walk up to your fiance/finacee, say "I do", eat and end the day. S**t.
Removing the garter, the following garter toss, and application on another woman. That s**t is just weird.
This is the one I hate the most. Especially when the groom climbs under her dress and removes it with his teeth. Luckily, I've only ever seen this in a wedding photo and have never had to suffer through it in real life. It's such a crass thing to do. Especially in front of your older relatives.
Color matching outfits for the attendants. Those dresses are always ugly and can never be worn outside the wedding. When I got married, I chose an easy color scheme and told my bride maid and maid of honor to match it with whatever they had. They looked lovely.
It's not that they can't be worn outside the wedding it's that normally the bride picks ugly dresses so she looks pretty. So how about these brides cowboy up and stop with the ugly dresses.
Diamond rings. Didn't become a thing until the 30s when DeBeers made it a thing and had been profitiing ever since.
I feel like I'm gonna be one of the very few people to think this, but I think the whole 'be given away at the alter' thing is weird. When I get married, I'm walking myself down the aisle.
This is probably because I'm just not close with anyone besides my boyfriend (and obviously he can't simultainiously walk me down the aisle and be at the alter), but I've just never liked that tradition.
My father was disappointed that I didn't want him to "give me away". I hate it and it's so old fashioned. I'm not someone's property.
Yep, way too many "this is my possession and now I am giving it to you to be your possession" vibes.
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In my country, walking together is actually the traditional way!
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For some people this is a special moment with their dad, stepdad, etc. It’s not so much being given away as it is being walked down the aisle. And if you have that kind of wedding, I always thought it was romantic for that to be the first time the groom is seeing the bride in her dress. If that’s not your thing or you want to walk with the groom that’s great too though.
The tradition stems from a time when costly items, sorry the daughters, where traded off from one man to another man to get them off their family's back. Same goes for the groom asking the father (never the mother!) for permission to marry his daughter. Both awful traditions. Some of them just need to die out.
The practice dates back thousands of years to the hunter-gatherer days. At first it was to enforce and verify a bloodline. Later it became an exchange of property (the bride) to unite clans. It wasn’t until the Council of Trent in 1563 when the Catholic Church smelled the money involved and repositioned marriage as an official sacrament so they could set up profitable toll booths in the form of Church “ceremoney.” See for example: https://theweek.com/articles/528746/origins-marriage
Load More Replies... We walked down the aisle together and it was lovely! We figured we were the ones deciding to start this next part of our lives together so we'd come into the ceremony together too.
Being given away harks back to the time when women were the property of their fathers before becoming the property of their husbands. It's disgusting and definitely an outdated notion. Along with the whole concept of virginity which is a man-made construct. Your virginity is not the property of your father either.
It's the only thing I missed at mine. I would have loved for my dad to be able to do that or at least be there.
Well, the entire walk down the aisle while the groom awaits is symbolic of the bride becoming the property of the groom. Wouldn't it be better if the couple came in together, or approached the alter simultaneously from opposites sides?
That is true. My dad isn't even a big part of my life. Just a few back and forth light convo emails a couple times a year. I don't think of any man owning me in the sense I'm something to be given away. I'm independent as much as my boyfriend is. I don't see any mothers giving away their sons.
I'm no one's property but my own. No one gets to decide who I go to, or if I'm to be given away. It's gross. If it were mothers giving away their sons, I imagine this would have been done away with a long time ago.
Interestingly in Catholic tradition in Poland you weren’t given away. Bride and groom should go to the altar together because it’s their own decision. Unfortunately this changed in 1990’s due to popularity of American movies.
Before my father died I had no real feelings to the alter walk. Since he died and I've never been married, one of my bigger heartbreaks is not having that little moment between me and my dad. I never saw it as a property thing. But as a nice moment between dad and daughter. Each person to their own on this tradition I think. It's not for some people.. but I do also thing it's a sweet moment for others.
No church wedding, civil only - but we dressed that one up with the orchestra I was playing in at the time, and a friend who sang... We proudly walked in arm in arm while the orchestra played the bridesmarch. Pillarbiting uncles and aunts somewhat dissapointed, but it was our day, not theirs.
Yeah, I threw that tradition on the woodpile. What am I? Just some chattel to be "given away"? Nah. That sh*t went away with the Crusades.
I walked myself down the aisle with a big bouquet of white roses which I gave away to attendees as I walked down the flower-lined grass aisle. I was 31 so my folks were with my intended with the officiant. I gave the last of the flowers to my folks and my husband. It was so meaningful and beautiful! I had a separate bouquet to toss when the time came.
I like the traditional Jewish way, where the mothers stay with the bride, and the fathers walk the groom. In a same-gender marriage, it could be modified. However, the point of having the each one of the couple being accompanied by a member of each family as a sign of respect, rather than a woman being "given away" as a sign of her being chattel.
my father accompanied me and MIL accompanied my husband. no giving away just uniting the families
Well my mom walked me down the aisle and “gave” me away bc my sperm donor aka my dad has been out of our lives since I was four. And no, I didn’t invite him. And I explicitly told my relatives from his side not to tag him with them bc if they did I will uninvite them all.
Where I'm from, the bride and groom walk down the aisle together. Never ever considered having my dad "give me away". And he would have been horrified if I had asked me to🤘
I don’t know why your fiancé can’t walk down the isle with you. He could meet you at the entrance to the isle instead of waiting at the end and walk down the isle with you.
I did this and my father was so relieved. I just agree that it’s a very old-fashioned, silly thing and assumes women are the property of mind to be passed from one to the other. My dad just generally does not like public attention so he was great with it.
The proud look on my fathers face going down the isle. It was not a “give-away”-thing. It was a father/daughter moment we’ll both remember. We both knew perfectly well I was my own to give away but the chat in on the drive to the church and him squeezing my hand asking if I was ready. I loved the comfort he gave me. But I understand not wanting to be given away though.
We just had our little nephew and 3 slightly nieces (2 for each of us) walk us in. They were very cute and did a great job.
My groom and I walked down the aisle together, following the flower girl and the best man and bridesmaid
We turned it into something else. When my wife and siblings misbehaved growing up, her mother used to joking say "I'm going to put you on the street corner and sell you for a dime!" I found a dime minted in the year my fiancée was born in and the city I was born in. Since my wife's father had died, it was her mother who took her down the aisle. When I met them there, I "bought" my wife from her mother with that dime. The surprise on her face was unbelievable. She had it made into a necklace which she wore the rest of her life.
It is weird. It's like for that day a bride accepts she is someone's property.
My mother walked me down the aisle made of very steep outside stone steps. With my gown and everything I would have been so afraid of falling or at the least comically walking down the steps with every guest forcing themselves to stay seated while their friend was struggling not to fall. It was nice having my mom part of the process. She held my hand and lead me up to stand with my almost husband. Having someone to hold my hand on such a huge, important, nerve wracking day just took away so much stress. And it was my mom, the woman who went through so much to have me and raise me the best she could. To have that little private moment with her before such a momentous event was lovely. Fast forward, I got divorced from that jerk and married the love of my life in a goofy little Vegas ceremony. I walked myself down the aisle that time. And it was perfect. So either way as long as you feel it's the right thing to do, do it.
My daughter had a small Covid ceremony at City Hall last year where she and her husband walked in together, they would have had it even without Covid as it is still legally required. The humanist ceremony was 2 months ago and was the full white dress, aisle walk with dad thing, it was her thank you to him. Groom's Mum and I performed the handfasting.
I did the actions of this at my wedding, but my mom got up and she and my dad both basically gave their blessing for the marriage. We did it more for showing support than my parents giving me away. Honestly I think even people asking the parents permission to ask for marriage is just a sign of respect that that generation values. It's not actually asking permission. That's how I've always seen it anyway.
I don't think that's uncommon at all to dislike that. It became a tradition for a messed-up reason. I think it's important to understand traditions can start for one reason and continue for another, and for some people it carries a different meaning now than "giving away property," but yeah, completely understandable not to like it and not to want to take part in it.
I walked down the aisle with our son. I don't get on with my dad so this was the best solution.
It really depends from person to person. I like the sense of closure, a specific moment to represent the last time my parents are my closest family. Also, I want that moment with my dad, especially because my mom is the more sociable of the two and going to be more visible than my dad during the reception. Nevertheless, I can see how there might be a lot of people who feel like this is more transactional than transitional.
I had my dad walk me down the aisle. Not to "give me away," but because our venue had steps, and I'm known for tripping on perfectly smooth floors. I would have had both my parents walk with me, but the aisle was too narrow. So I chose Dad, because he would have been able to keep me from falling Also, I'm an introvert and didn't want to be alone with everyone staring at me. And slightly to symbolize my choice to leave the family I grew up with and start my own.
Maybe this is just me, but the wedding cake.
Over priced, silly, they all pretty much look the same. They're like 90% frosting, and even if you try to get a nice cake, they taste like sandpaper after the six hours they have to be out to be decorated. No one at the party actually wants to eat it, so you end up with about eighty pounds of left over cake.
My husband and I went to a local cupcake shop and order cupcakes, all different varieties. They were made fresh and decorated the morning of, low on frosting because we asked. We put them nicely on the table and when the party was done, we had boxes for everyone to take some home in. People took them into work or school the next day, and it was like we were sharing our happiness with the whole world.
Wedding showers. Being a female person, I get invited to a lot of these, and they're all pretty much the same: sitting around eating finger sandwiches, tentatively sipping white wine, and watching the bride open boilerplate registry gifts and Bed Bath & Beyond gift cards for 3 hours. No thanks.
I've been a bridesmaid in 3 weddings. In all of them, I had to "pair up" with a groomsman, who I was expected to flirt with and "act like a couple" with. This was usually for photos, but also for walking down the aisle. In all three cases, I didn't know the groomsmen and didn't appreciate the implication that we were a couple just because we had to walk together down the aisle.
For example, i had to take group photos where the groomsman I was paired with had to dip me and look lovingly into my eyes. I don't even know that guy's name. At my sister's wedding, I had to walk down the aisle arm-in-arm with my brother-in-law's brother (I was 13, he was 22) and he had to kiss my hand. This was all orchestrated by the mothers-in-law who thought it was precious.
I also had to take pictures where all the bridesmaids would swoon over the groom (and vice versa with groomsmen and the bride), with the implication that we are all jealous that the bride got such a great catch and we wish WE were getting married to him. I was there to support my friend on her wedding day by being her bridesmaid - I am NOT there to secretly undermine her or feel envious.
When I eventually got married, I had a consultation with my photographer. I whipped out these photos and said, 'I don't want THAT.' She laughed and said she hated those too.
Having only girls on the bride's wedding party and only males on the grooms side.
Asking the father or the parents for their permission or blessing. I'm not marrying a child here. I'm marrying an adult who can make her own decisions.
Nothing wrong with asking for a blessing, it's a sign that their family is accepting you in. The Permission is a relic from a different time when a fathers permission was required. But what is wrong with a blessing of support? You want the other family to show full acceptance.
Spending tens of thousands of dollars on a stupid ceremony that is nothing but a showboat of gaudy excess and barely anything to do with the relationship.
The bride being expected to wear white. I've told people I don't want a white wedding dress when and if I get married and you wouldn't believe the looks of disbelief and horror I've gotten in return.
Wear whatever colour you want, it’s your wedding not theirs. I wore a red.
That the brides family should pay for the wedding. I know it's becoming less common. I have a single mom (dad passed away when I was little) and I know she felt terrible about not being able to contribute more to my wedding. I, knowing my mom has a single income, would never expect my mother to pay for my wedding. I'm not putting down any bride whose family is fortunate enough to pay for their wedding, i just don't think it should be the expectation anymore. Anyways, we had a beautiful wedding and we paid for the majority of it on our own.
Throwing confetti (or rice) at the couple outside the front doors of the church after the ceremony to wish them "good luck."
The pastor of one church asked those in attendance to "please throw $20 bills instead to spare the sexton a huge clean-up job."
I think it's meant to symbolise fertility - rose petals, blowing bubbles are some ways it can be done without the clean up or ill birds.
This is a bit late but there is a tradition in Sweden where if the groom leaves the room without the bride every man in the formentioned room is allowed (or have) to kiss the bride.
I would to so far as to say that it's a bit weird,
For me, wedding itself is a pretty dumb tradition.
You're going to start a life with your future partner and you toss all you life savings on a one night celebration.
My partner and I got married at the registry, essentially for a work visa (so romantic!). 10 years later to the day, we had a party as a "reception". It was fun, we got to have a bit of a fancy party and get dressed up, and our marriage had 10 solid years behind it, so it wasn't wasted effort.
Forcing several of your closest friends to spend hundreds of dollars on a dress, or a tux rental, to literally stand in the front of the church with you. Other than the best man and maid/matron/man of honor, there's no purpose.
If you go casual and let people wear their own stuff, it's not so bad.
We asked our groomsmen to just wear a white shirt, black pants and a black tie. We offered to pay for them but all the groomsmen already had them. So easy done.
The idea of throwing a party for gazillion people, because 'they are family!'. No, if I haven't seen them for last 20 years they are not. The whole general social concept of a modern wedding is just stupid. People spending much more they can afford on one night, that is stressful and makes them hate each other and scream at each other. Blah.
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My father flew up, my brother drove down. All others where my husband's family and our kids. Total 20 people. It was beautiful. We paid for food and our clothing, mil paid for decorating, and everyone brought their own booze.
Inviting people you don't like, who you never see and have a greater than 50% chance of ruining the event.
Then paying $250 a head for the privilege.
Apparently there is a weird tradition that it's bad luck for the bride to walk down the aisle at the rehearsal and some other girl/woman is supposed to walk down and stand with the groom. My wife said "screw that" and walked herself. Why would she want to sit and watch some other girl our age stand up there with me and the preacher the day before the wedding?
Engagement rings. Obscene waste of money to support an evil industry.
It could be basic design to match the lady's personality. Doesn't have to be full of diamonds.
I'm getting married next month.
I think most of the traditions are dumb.
- I don't want to do a first dance with everyone staring at me. Awkward and unnecessary.
- I don't want to take the garter off of her and throw it to some dudes.
- The dollar dance is dumb
- I wish "Give me money" was an acceptable registry for wedding gifts. No, no gift cards. Money. I've been hassled relentlessly for months about what gifts I want. I want money because this wedding is expensive. That's it.
- The tradition of pricing everything up once the word "wedding" is mentioned. Great photoshoot for your family -- $300. Wedding photos of the same quality and quantity -- $1500. Yeah, I'll gladly just have friends whip out an iPhone and take pics and edit them myself.
The over the top spending in general. I'm now divorced; however, when I got married... I was excited to BE married... I wasn't excited to GET married. I think there's too much of an emphasis on rings, gowns, and impressing all of your guests. I walked into the bridal shop, tried on ONE dress, and said "Ok, good to go!" I believe it was maybe $250. We ordered our rings off of Amazon for probably $50-$75 each, at the most.
A wedding should be about celebrating a commitment to one another, not spending a down payment on a house to throw a party, in my opinion. This holds true, especially, for those people that spend money they don't have on it. I could have just walked down to the courthouse with my ex and been just as happy. I would rather have the money to save for a home for a future family or a college fund for future kids than on a single day of my life.
"A wedding should be about celebrating a commitment to one another, not spending a down payment on a house to throw a party, in my opinion." AGREE!
The woman buying her dress. I mean why? In theory you will only wear it once. It makes more sense for the guy to buy his tux, there's at least a chance he'll wear it again.
I have been with my hubby for 20 years and he has never worn a tux. Not even for our own wedding.
All the flowers arrangements. I have been to so many weddings where there are amazing, expensive displays on all the tables, down the aisle, etc. etc. It's a lot of money to spend, and totally not worth it (put it toward the food!). Though it can be amusing to see people fight over them once the event is over.
I had someone use food tins, cheap yellow flowers and leftover ribbons tied on the cans, taken the labels off, of course. Loved how amazing it looked.
Just had my wedding back in May. It was AWESOME because if I don't know you, or talk to you, or visit you, and you don't know my birthday, where I work, that I'm even engaged, what state I live in... no, I'm not inviting you. Sorry.
My best friend got married over the weekend. I didn't get to see or talk to her at all during the reception because they were stuck walking around talking to extended family. F**k that noise. I wanna get wasted and dance. It's a party! She did get a f**k ton of presents though.
Brides jumping into water with their wedding dress on.
You could drown idiot!
Registering for gifts. Giving gift cards instead of cash, although this applies to more than just weddings.
I mean, we eventually spent the $1200 in Target gift cards, but it would've been cool to spend it at other places as well.
Yes, cold hard cash please! Not just for the wedding, you can give it to me ANY time!
Being expected to have a dance. I hate dancing I've never ever liked it (no not even as a child) and basically everyone tells me that ill have fun dancing because it'll be my wedding day blah blah. Seriously. I always think it'd be fun to go bowling or something but get a third degree burn for not wanting to dance on my wedding day. Maybe the rest of the people there could dance while i enjoy spending time with all the people who came to my wedding
Note: this post originally had 40 images. It’s been shortened to the top 35 images based on user votes.
Dear Americans, most of these are your traditions. You can choose not to follow them. People could wear nice clothes of their own choosing, no wedding showers, rehearsal dinners, demeaning garter throwing, or absurd expenses. A lot less debt-inducing and much more fun! In other parts of the world we have some silly stuff too, like the Swedish one and the dad walking the bride to her groom. But we’re working on that. Don’t listen to the salespeople and do what makes you happy!
This is what I was thinking the whole way through this article. I have never seen or heard of most of these traditions. My wedding cake was a dense fruit cake, you could have broken someone's nose if you smashed it into their face (we kept the bottom layer, soaked in plenty of brandy and used it as my son's christening cake)
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One I loathe is the clinking of glasses to get the couple to kiss. I hate the noise. I hate the spectacle. I hate the "command performance" feeling. We told everyone we weren't going to do it, but a few of my aunts tried it, anyway. George planted a smooch on his best man's cheek, and I kissed one of my pals on the top of the head. They didn't clink glasses any more after that. Guys, if a couple says they don't want to do a thing at their wedding, don't try to force them to do the thing.
Wedding speeches: I hated writing it, I hated saying it. The fact I had to stand up in front of everyone and speak with all eyes on me was just horrible and made me anxious. Rest of the night was great though.
I didn't write it - I just ad-libbed on the day, as if I was having a funny chat at a bar with friends. Needless to say I said some off-colour stuff but who cares. It was just for laughs.
Load More Replies... Do it Amanda. My goddaughter is getting married in Vegas next month, she has my wholehearted approval, all I ask is photos!
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My husband and I had a $100 wedding, but his brother's weddings were much more lavish. The brother (let's call him Mike) got married to the same woman three times on two different continents. To raise money, the bride shook her behind at the New England wedding and invited people to stuff money in her garter, all while chanting, "Money! Money! Money!" If that's not a sign of the Apocalypse, I don't know what is.
It doesn't help because people lie. It happened to me and now I'm stuck.
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Let me add some from Serbia: On the day of the wedding, groom needs to go to pick up his best men and then the best men and family need to have some food/drinks - stupid and unnecesary expence. Then they go to get the bride and then to "buy her" from her brothers (also there are food and drinks) - so r******d. Inviting some people just becouse "they are family" - f**k that i dont even know them, no i do not need them. This will be a day for my future wife and myself. WE talked it out, and no unnecesary guests, no expences, no stupid things. P.S., just to add, people tend to make a big weddings just to "earn" some money (as presents, mostly it is custom here to just give money, tho there are people that do not sign the envelope and just give it empty)
I think what these people want is a village style wedding. They are usually held outside in a clearing in the woods or town square which is free. And the only requirements are music and food and seating for the elderly. No formal wear required. Lots of dancing, socializing, and eating - good times all around. Bonus if the village has some interesting/wacky wedding traditions. I went to one were instead of wedding gifts, the bride and groom are given jackets made up of money (gifts from the attendees) and they are paraded around the village on horses.
Why label them as dumb? Many may have had a had a reason to exist in the first place, others may be very questionable, if you don't like them just don't do them, but don't judge people for doing them. I don't believe a did any of them in my wedding, but I don't label the traditions as dumb just because I don't like them or disagree with them.
Don't waste your time 'hoping these will disappear.' Do what you want at your wedding. I've been to many the last few years that adhered to NONE of these things. Also - some people do things differently. At the last rehearsal dinner I went to? It didn't cost 'thousands,' we ate at an Applebee's and we all paid for our own meal. I've NEVER, NEVER spent *thousands* on the newlyweds. If they expected it - I ignored it. If I can't afford something - I don't do it. I own one of those 'ugly' bridesmaids dresses. I wear it out at least once a month, and it wasn't chosen to make me look ugly. These sound like over-the-top couples and bridezillas.
The vows: "Til death do us part." How morbid! How about, Through life, one at heart."?
Yeah, I insisted on deleting the "I promise to obey" BS from the vows. I did not promise to obey then, I do not promise today, and probably won't in the future. Best he knows what he's signing up for, I reckon.
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I find it interesting that the whole garter tossing thing is mentioned twice but no mention of tossing the bouquet.
I threw the bouquet. All of the women just stared at it and watched it fall to the floor. It was one of the funniest moments I'd experienced until then, and it was perfect commentary on, well, everything!
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Weddings are a terrible tradition. The only thing important is that your partner is someone you want to share your life with. Everything is just LEGAL issues. Marriage is important. Weddings are stupid.
In Malta they have something called Stand Up weddings - it means weddings with no seating. People just mingle and dance all night. I found myself pregnant this year, and we had 3 weddings. Standing up all night looking all nice and fancy is fun, but doing that and being pregnant is hard. Honestly I had to leave the most beautiful wedding I ever seen early, as it was too difficult for me not to have a seat. My legs were so swollen, that people started to point it out.
Interesting, sounds fun. Although they should have a couple of chairs around for people who can't stand for long.
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American "traditions".... they don't apply in Europe. We had a small wedding with 50 people, family and friends from Germany, France, Italy, Norway and it was 1. not so expensive 2. most important it was fun!
I'm American and loved the European weddings I attended! I don't know if it's the norm, but for a family friend in Germany there was no expensive catering - a bunch of families each brought a lovely cake (there were at least 20 cakes) and the brides mom and aunts made a simple and delicious buffet meal. No bridal party, no speeches, just the ceremony and then eating, drinking, and dancing
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Honestly: just the entire concept of marriage. Why does anyone need to get the government involved and sign a legal document declaring your romantic partnership?
I think the more the years pass the more people don't realize all those traditions come from far away. The bridesmaids are supposed to be ugly in order to keep the evil spirits away from the bride. Now it either means you have a lot of friends and want to show off or you have a lot of money. Some of the weird traditions above I've never heard of, like relocating the garter on someone else's thigh.
Every wedding I've been to makes me not want to have one of my own. I'd probably just do a backyard wedding with a potluck. I don't understand the need for so much fancy nonsense..the most I'd want to spend is for the photographer.
We had our wedding at our favourite provincial park, camping! My dress was $10 from Wish and we had a taco bar. Everyone floated down the river on fun floats (unicorns, dragons, donuts, pizza, you get the idea), flowers were fake, no stupid garter. Free wine and beer for the guests and it was marvellous!
Here's two traditions not on the list that I never saw a purpose to. 1. Needing to get down on one knee to propose. Why? If someone is going to propose, just do it. There's no reason to get on a knee. 2. The groom not seeing the bride before the wedding. That one makes no sense at all.
Just getting married in general. You can be in a relationship for as long as you want. You don't have to bring a piece of paper into it. And if it doesn't work out, divorces aren't expensive! Break ups are free! Been with my dude for over 6 years, and I would never dream of getting married. I don't see the purpose or the need to.
These are mainly US "traditions" dreamed up by capitalism to rid as many people as possible of their $$$. You indulge yourselves in such privilege and expectation that couples use weddings as self-indulgent money-making events - always finding another thing to tag on to the build-up for the bride's ego. The evidence of this is how the US couples seem to offload the cost of wedding party (bridesmaids/groomsmen/ushers) outfits on to the individuals and not picked up by the bride/'s parents. A gift registry is sensible to avoid 10 toasters, and in the UK couples generally have them at John Lewis (Never knowingly undersold), and have a range of priced options from a can opener to a whole dinner service (or even a single side plate) - so pretty egalitarian. And there's still the option to go off-piste with a hand-carved rocking chair. Generally speaking, if close family have travelled some distance and are gathered in the same city or even hotel for the nuptials, then lunch or dinner the day/eve before the wedding is usual as an ice breaker for the families to meet, usually hosted by the bride's parents. But there is no 'rehearsal' of anything. (I think that might arise when weddings take place elsewhere than churches?) Showers are just a 'give me attention' moment for a needy, insecure woman who is about to realise disappointment begins here. It's one tradition to throw the bouquet, something else entirely for a male guest to be cajoled into removing the bride's garter with his teeth as a showpiece! (I had to do that in Canada, traumatising). Of course, the father giving away his daughter was part of the financial transaction of a marriage before the church took control of marriage. The father would jointly hand over the bride and the dowry.
A lot of these have been faking by the wayside for decades. Like seriously. If you don't want to spend a ton of money then don't. You aren't being forced into doing anything at all that you don't want to do on your big day. You want a red dress a'la Blanche Devereux by all means have that red dress. Just do what you want to do and don't listen to anyone else. Some of these "traditions" are ones I've never heard of. Like making the bridesmaid and groomsman flirt with each other. If that's what it takes being in your wedding no thank you I'll sit in the audience. And you don't have to spend a fortune either. My wedding with everything included (my dress, his tux, food, venues, bridesmaids/groomsmen) was less than $1500.
If you don't like the tradition, don't do it. It's that simple. Or modify it to suit yourself. I was 'given away' by my sister, who was delighted to do so, she'd been trying to do that for years (sibling jk
Teasing) only things about weddings I don't understand by people do is the strive for bride (princess) perfection at other's expense, and going deep into debt.
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Have your wedding the way you want, none of these are compulsory. I've had a big wedding the first time, hated it, ended in divorce. I'm now married and did the wedding our way - literally just us, our 4 kids and both our mums followed by a lovely meal and a surprise announcement to our family - no-one knew that that we were getting married that day, they were tricked into coming to the right place and told the kids it was a family members wedding we were heading to - they were told 5 minutes before it happened. Wouldn't change any of it. But, yeah, you don't have to do any of these traditions if it doesn't appeal to you - nothing bad will happen if you don't
Dear Americans, most of these are your traditions. You can choose not to follow them. People could wear nice clothes of their own choosing, no wedding showers, rehearsal dinners, demeaning garter throwing, or absurd expenses. A lot less debt-inducing and much more fun! In other parts of the world we have some silly stuff too, like the Swedish one and the dad walking the bride to her groom. But we’re working on that. Don’t listen to the salespeople and do what makes you happy!
This is what I was thinking the whole way through this article. I have never seen or heard of most of these traditions. My wedding cake was a dense fruit cake, you could have broken someone's nose if you smashed it into their face (we kept the bottom layer, soaked in plenty of brandy and used it as my son's christening cake)
Load More Replies... One I loathe is the clinking of glasses to get the couple to kiss. I hate the noise. I hate the spectacle. I hate the "command performance" feeling. We told everyone we weren't going to do it, but a few of my aunts tried it, anyway. George planted a smooch on his best man's cheek, and I kissed one of my pals on the top of the head. They didn't clink glasses any more after that. Guys, if a couple says they don't want to do a thing at their wedding, don't try to force them to do the thing.
Wedding speeches: I hated writing it, I hated saying it. The fact I had to stand up in front of everyone and speak with all eyes on me was just horrible and made me anxious. Rest of the night was great though.
I didn't write it - I just ad-libbed on the day, as if I was having a funny chat at a bar with friends. Needless to say I said some off-colour stuff but who cares. It was just for laughs.
Load More Replies... Do it Amanda. My goddaughter is getting married in Vegas next month, she has my wholehearted approval, all I ask is photos!
Load More Replies... My husband and I had a $100 wedding, but his brother's weddings were much more lavish. The brother (let's call him Mike) got married to the same woman three times on two different continents. To raise money, the bride shook her behind at the New England wedding and invited people to stuff money in her garter, all while chanting, "Money! Money! Money!" If that's not a sign of the Apocalypse, I don't know what is.
It doesn't help because people lie. It happened to me and now I'm stuck.
Load More Replies... Let me add some from Serbia: On the day of the wedding, groom needs to go to pick up his best men and then the best men and family need to have some food/drinks - stupid and unnecesary expence. Then they go to get the bride and then to "buy her" from her brothers (also there are food and drinks) - so r******d. Inviting some people just becouse "they are family" - f**k that i dont even know them, no i do not need them. This will be a day for my future wife and myself. WE talked it out, and no unnecesary guests, no expences, no stupid things. P.S., just to add, people tend to make a big weddings just to "earn" some money (as presents, mostly it is custom here to just give money, tho there are people that do not sign the envelope and just give it empty)
I think what these people want is a village style wedding. They are usually held outside in a clearing in the woods or town square which is free. And the only requirements are music and food and seating for the elderly. No formal wear required. Lots of dancing, socializing, and eating - good times all around. Bonus if the village has some interesting/wacky wedding traditions. I went to one were instead of wedding gifts, the bride and groom are given jackets made up of money (gifts from the attendees) and they are paraded around the village on horses.
Why label them as dumb? Many may have had a had a reason to exist in the first place, others may be very questionable, if you don't like them just don't do them, but don't judge people for doing them. I don't believe a did any of them in my wedding, but I don't label the traditions as dumb just because I don't like them or disagree with them.
Don't waste your time 'hoping these will disappear.' Do what you want at your wedding. I've been to many the last few years that adhered to NONE of these things. Also - some people do things differently. At the last rehearsal dinner I went to? It didn't cost 'thousands,' we ate at an Applebee's and we all paid for our own meal. I've NEVER, NEVER spent *thousands* on the newlyweds. If they expected it - I ignored it. If I can't afford something - I don't do it. I own one of those 'ugly' bridesmaids dresses. I wear it out at least once a month, and it wasn't chosen to make me look ugly. These sound like over-the-top couples and bridezillas.
The vows: "Til death do us part." How morbid! How about, Through life, one at heart."?
Yeah, I insisted on deleting the "I promise to obey" BS from the vows. I did not promise to obey then, I do not promise today, and probably won't in the future. Best he knows what he's signing up for, I reckon.
Load More Replies... I find it interesting that the whole garter tossing thing is mentioned twice but no mention of tossing the bouquet.
I threw the bouquet. All of the women just stared at it and watched it fall to the floor. It was one of the funniest moments I'd experienced until then, and it was perfect commentary on, well, everything!
Load More Replies... Weddings are a terrible tradition. The only thing important is that your partner is someone you want to share your life with. Everything is just LEGAL issues. Marriage is important. Weddings are stupid.
In Malta they have something called Stand Up weddings - it means weddings with no seating. People just mingle and dance all night. I found myself pregnant this year, and we had 3 weddings. Standing up all night looking all nice and fancy is fun, but doing that and being pregnant is hard. Honestly I had to leave the most beautiful wedding I ever seen early, as it was too difficult for me not to have a seat. My legs were so swollen, that people started to point it out.
Interesting, sounds fun. Although they should have a couple of chairs around for people who can't stand for long.
Load More Replies... American "traditions".... they don't apply in Europe. We had a small wedding with 50 people, family and friends from Germany, France, Italy, Norway and it was 1. not so expensive 2. most important it was fun!
I'm American and loved the European weddings I attended! I don't know if it's the norm, but for a family friend in Germany there was no expensive catering - a bunch of families each brought a lovely cake (there were at least 20 cakes) and the brides mom and aunts made a simple and delicious buffet meal. No bridal party, no speeches, just the ceremony and then eating, drinking, and dancing
Load More Replies... Honestly: just the entire concept of marriage. Why does anyone need to get the government involved and sign a legal document declaring your romantic partnership?
I think the more the years pass the more people don't realize all those traditions come from far away. The bridesmaids are supposed to be ugly in order to keep the evil spirits away from the bride. Now it either means you have a lot of friends and want to show off or you have a lot of money. Some of the weird traditions above I've never heard of, like relocating the garter on someone else's thigh.
Every wedding I've been to makes me not want to have one of my own. I'd probably just do a backyard wedding with a potluck. I don't understand the need for so much fancy nonsense..the most I'd want to spend is for the photographer.
We had our wedding at our favourite provincial park, camping! My dress was $10 from Wish and we had a taco bar. Everyone floated down the river on fun floats (unicorns, dragons, donuts, pizza, you get the idea), flowers were fake, no stupid garter. Free wine and beer for the guests and it was marvellous!
Here's two traditions not on the list that I never saw a purpose to. 1. Needing to get down on one knee to propose. Why? If someone is going to propose, just do it. There's no reason to get on a knee. 2. The groom not seeing the bride before the wedding. That one makes no sense at all.
Just getting married in general. You can be in a relationship for as long as you want. You don't have to bring a piece of paper into it. And if it doesn't work out, divorces aren't expensive! Break ups are free! Been with my dude for over 6 years, and I would never dream of getting married. I don't see the purpose or the need to.
These are mainly US "traditions" dreamed up by capitalism to rid as many people as possible of their $$$. You indulge yourselves in such privilege and expectation that couples use weddings as self-indulgent money-making events - always finding another thing to tag on to the build-up for the bride's ego. The evidence of this is how the US couples seem to offload the cost of wedding party (bridesmaids/groomsmen/ushers) outfits on to the individuals and not picked up by the bride/'s parents. A gift registry is sensible to avoid 10 toasters, and in the UK couples generally have them at John Lewis (Never knowingly undersold), and have a range of priced options from a can opener to a whole dinner service (or even a single side plate) - so pretty egalitarian. And there's still the option to go off-piste with a hand-carved rocking chair. Generally speaking, if close family have travelled some distance and are gathered in the same city or even hotel for the nuptials, then lunch or dinner the day/eve before the wedding is usual as an ice breaker for the families to meet, usually hosted by the bride's parents. But there is no 'rehearsal' of anything. (I think that might arise when weddings take place elsewhere than churches?) Showers are just a 'give me attention' moment for a needy, insecure woman who is about to realise disappointment begins here. It's one tradition to throw the bouquet, something else entirely for a male guest to be cajoled into removing the bride's garter with his teeth as a showpiece! (I had to do that in Canada, traumatising). Of course, the father giving away his daughter was part of the financial transaction of a marriage before the church took control of marriage. The father would jointly hand over the bride and the dowry.
A lot of these have been faking by the wayside for decades. Like seriously. If you don't want to spend a ton of money then don't. You aren't being forced into doing anything at all that you don't want to do on your big day. You want a red dress a'la Blanche Devereux by all means have that red dress. Just do what you want to do and don't listen to anyone else. Some of these "traditions" are ones I've never heard of. Like making the bridesmaid and groomsman flirt with each other. If that's what it takes being in your wedding no thank you I'll sit in the audience. And you don't have to spend a fortune either. My wedding with everything included (my dress, his tux, food, venues, bridesmaids/groomsmen) was less than $1500.
If you don't like the tradition, don't do it. It's that simple. Or modify it to suit yourself. I was 'given away' by my sister, who was delighted to do so, she'd been trying to do that for years (sibling jk
Teasing) only things about weddings I don't understand by people do is the strive for bride (princess) perfection at other's expense, and going deep into debt.
Load More Replies... Have your wedding the way you want, none of these are compulsory. I've had a big wedding the first time, hated it, ended in divorce. I'm now married and did the wedding our way - literally just us, our 4 kids and both our mums followed by a lovely meal and a surprise announcement to our family - no-one knew that that we were getting married that day, they were tricked into coming to the right place and told the kids it was a family members wedding we were heading to - they were told 5 minutes before it happened. Wouldn't change any of it. But, yeah, you don't have to do any of these traditions if it doesn't appeal to you - nothing bad will happen if you don't
