“He Flipped Out On Me And I Took His Invitation Back”: Bride-To-Be Organizes A ‘Dry’ Wedding, Outrages One Of Her Guests
Quick, Pandas, close your eyes and try to imagine all of the things that weddings simply cannot do without. Odds are that you probably thought of a giant, delicious wedding cake, the happy couple smiling wider than you’ve ever seen them, fun/silly/awesome dancing all night long, frilly decorations, and throwing the bouquet. However, for some people, weddings have to have alcohol—and they won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.
Case in point, redditor u/Mammoth-Middle2910, a bride-to-be, decided to have a dry wedding with her fiance. Since neither of them drink, they didn’t want to spend money on alcohol. However, one of her friends was outraged by this decision. The bride clapped back, and decided to turn to the AITA online community for their verdict if she’d been too harsh or right on the money.
Scroll down for the full story below, Pandas. Whose side are you on? Have you ever been to a dry wedding before? What do you love about weddings the most? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.
One couple decided that their wedding is going to be dry—without any alcohol for the guests
Image credits: Luis Tosta (not the actual photo)
However, one of the bride-to-be’s friends had a huge issue with that. Here’s how their argument went
Image credits: Photos by Lanty (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Mammoth-Middle2910
The subject of drinking alcohol can be incredibly touchy. If you’ve ever told someone that you’re not drinking at a party, you probably had to deflect dozens of questions about all the little whys, hows, and whens, and if you’re able to have fun at all.
The simple fact is that, yes, it’s perfectly possible to have a great party and a wedding celebration without the need for booze. On the flip side, having a glass of champagne at a celebration of life and love also isn’t the end of the world.
However, all things considered, it all comes down to what the happy couple envisions for their Big Day. The OP explained that all of their friends and family know that they don’t drink alcohol and that they’ve hosted a number of dry parties before. So it’s not unusual for the couple to want to save a bit of money on alcohol at their wedding. They even had a very witty way of announcing it to their guests on the invitations (we thought it was very creative).
What made the bride-to-be write the post in the first place was due to how she called out her guest who’d said he can’t have fun without alcohol. The AITA subreddit’s community took the OP’s side and stressed the fact that it’s the couple’s wedding and money, so they shouldn’t have to compromise if they don’t want to.
The majority of redditors thought that the OP did nothing wrong. Though quite a few also thought she was wrong to deny her guests the ability to have an alcoholic drink at the celebration. This, in turn, plays into what some internet users called the normalization of alcohol culture.
The science behind the consumption of alcohol has been swinging back and forth for quite some time now. Just like with the research done about coffee and eggs, scientists can’t firmly decide whether or not drinking alcohol in small doses is beneficial or detrimental to your health. (Though there’s no doubt that binge drinking is absolutely awful for you and should be avoided at all costs.)
So while some researchers point out that moderate drinking might make you less susceptible to having heart attacks and strokes and provides a host of other benefits, others point out that drinking any amount of alcohol actually increases your risk of heart disease.
The health improvements seen in moderate drinkers might not actually be directly caused by alcohol consumption, though. Moderate drinkers tend to live healthier lives than heavy drinkers and abstinence: they tend to exercise more, eat more veggies, and smoke less.
In short, the science isn’t conclusive and flip-flops back and forth a little bit, but it’s best to either consume no alcohol at all or have it in very low doses. If you feel like you can’t go to a party or a social gathering without having a few drinks, or that you simply can’t enjoy yourself without alcohol, it might be worth considering seeing a therapist. And it’s certainly no excuse to get angry at your friend and bride-to-be if she wants to have a dry wedding.
Most people thought that the author of the post did nothing wrong
However, some internet users had different opinions. They called the bride-to-be out for her behavior
NTA. Their wedding, their rules. I would go to a wedding even if they served only water. It's about the wedding, not the booze.
Exactly. If you don't like the rules for a wedding then just don't go. The last wedding I attended was a dry wedding for religious reasons and absolutely nobody had a problem with it. We were there to see our friend get married and provide her with a happy memory, not party all night like it was some college frat house.
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The commenters coming at the OP with YTA or even a soft YTA? The f**k...anyone who asks how they're supposed to have fun without alcohol without a shred of irony seriously needs an intervention. She wasn't being holier than thou...she was responding to a seriously f****d up statement. I drink alot...like, alot. But if someone threw a dry wedding I'd still go because you're there for them, not the alcohol. If you're there for the alcohol, then yea...time to look for help.
The YTA commenters are obviously alcoholics.
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Im going as far as saying truth apparently hurts.. If you can't have fun without alcohol.. that indicates you are dependent and that makes you an alcoholic. And a wedding is however the to be married couple wants it to be.
I've never seen the fun in waking up with a hangover and lapses in your memory. I like a drink now and then but things are plenty fun without it.
Load More Replies... The obsession with alcohol is alarming. People really get this upset if there isn’t going to be a chance to get wasted? I don’t drink so maybe I just don’t get it- but I do smoke weed. I’d still never get angry about weed not being provided/allowed at an event. Our culture’s obsession with alcohol is gross. The fact that so many feel downright entitled to it is gross. The fact that people are literally arguing that it’s unfair or will make for a boring event are gross. Go. Dance. Eat. Hang out with people. Have fun. And yes- if it bothers you SO MUCH that you think calling the bride and going off on her is appropriate- you probably have a drinking problem. I said what I said.
Nta since i am a recovering alcoholic (as well as a few of my relatives) , we had a alcohol free wedding. Two people snuck in alcohol, but I just ignored it since that was their deal. No one should feel obligated to provide alcohol if they don't drink it.
I see that no one has mentioned this to you yet-- Congratulations on your sobriety. And to your relatives as well.
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I have been to several "dry" weddings and they are just as much fun as ones that aren't (do we say "wet" weddings if there is alcohol?). I, personally, have never based my decision on what will or won't be at the reception. I am going to celebrate the couple and their marriage, and if at the time of the reception, there is a weird vibe, or as in the case of a recent wedding I attended, no food (don't judge me, it was a 4:00 PM wedding that lasted 2 hours and then we had to wait another hour for the photos to be finished to get into the reception hall and then we found out there was no food to be served. It was late, I was hungry), I graciously thank the couple and leave.
Wow. I agree with you about the food aspect. Maybe the couple hadn't anticipated everything taking so long. When the wedding is late afternoon, with all the time consuming extra activities, you kinda expect food afterwards. I went to a wedding once where the couple ran out of money. But they managed fruit platters, dips and cheese and cracker platters, etc. But it wasn't that close to a dinner hour, so everyone was ok with it. I come from a family of "foodies" so we never have an event of any kind without a buffet happening. Lol.
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NTA. She didn't have to explain to anyone why she was having a dry wedding. Her d**k friend confronted her and I think she handled it well being put on the spot. It would never ever occur to me to call a bride or groom and complain about any aspect of their wedding. I have every right not to attend and do did he. I mean the guy basically said he can't have fun without alcohol. He opened the door right up for her to comment that he may have a problem. If the dude can't have fun without alcohol, then maybe he would go to rehab instead of the wedding. I'm not sure what part people think she sounded cutesy. I think she sounded incredibly annoyed and was trying to be nice about it. And any of her friends who have an issue with it can just RSVP no.
Who are these people who think they have a say in someone's wedding? Get new friends.
Why is it impossible for so many people to have fun without being drunk? I don't drink and have several alcoholic relatives, so I would probably do a dry wedding myself. I'd you can't enjoy yourself without having a drink in your hand, then you have a problem. The people who said YTA are probably just like this friend that is upset because he can't have alcohol for one day. She did not act holier-than-thou, he acted like an idiot by texting the bride because he can't get drunk. If you have to drink to have a good time, you have a problem.
The bigger upset was his anger at not having FREE alcohol. He would have aroused even more loudly if it were a cash bar!
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Not only are people allowed to choose what to do about alcohol for an event they are hosting...but...here's a tough concept for some: they don't even owe you an explanation. They may have just decided not worth the hassle. Or the maid of honor is 6 months sober. Or someone is pregnant or on meds that preclude alcohol and really miss it. Or there is that one family member that goes from difficult to beligerant after a few. It doesn't matter. It's none of your business. It doesn't sound like that person just clarified there will be no alcohol, but basically demanded there be some. Not okay.
If you can't attend a social event without getting hammered, you're probably better off not attending. I get it's a cultural thing, but hearing people talk as if Christmas, weddings, etc. only exist as an excuse to get drunk just makes me shake my head. I like a drink as much as the next person, but it's not the only way to have fun.
One of my friends got married a couple of years ago. She's a Muslim, her husband wasn't at that time, but was thinking about converting. They had no alcohol either. A couple of his friends were acting like it was her decision, and that she must have talked him into it. When in reality, he couldn't have cared less. Personally for me, it didn't matter. I wasn't going to their wedding to get hammered, it wasn't a big deal. I think some people forget what weddings are for...it's not supposed to be about you it's about the couple getting married, and celebrating with them. Nta obviously
The people who defended the "friend" seems to be too socially awkward to function without alcohol. That's mild addiction in my dictionary. Not exactly healthy. Sure they may not be alcoholic.. yet. But their continuing reliance on alcohol might one day turn them into alcoholic. Plus if you don't enjoy wedding, just stay home. No reason to torture yourself.
Absolutely NTA. Her special day, she gets to call ALL of the shots. Don't like it? Too bad. Booze causes more trouble than it's worth. She was also right to rescind buddy's invite. Given his behavior, he'd likely sneak booze in, proceed to get loaded and do something regrettable.
We , my wife and I, are both in our 80s, we still go to weddings of our extended families and friends, we stopped drinking years ago, dry weddings not a problem !!
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My wedding had to be a dry wedding due to the religious church we were married at (we couldn't get around it) and guess what? We had a fun time anyway. It wasn't a party party, it was a reception for me and my husband getting married. Not every wedding has to be a night club setting afterwards. The guests should just politely not attend if it's that bothersome.
No, nobody has to provide alcohol. There would be far less embarrassing moments if every event was alcohol free. And if you need to be drunk to enjoy weddings, stay home and get drunk there.
I went to a dry wedding (the groom was/is a recovering alcoholic) and it was the most amazing wedding I've ever been to! From the location to the fancy nonalcoholic drinks to the food.....Had an absolute blast!
Why do people get so bent out of shape about other peoples weddings? Lots of people have dry weddings. My mother had a dry wedding. She even told her father he was NOT allowed to provide liquor for 'certain family'. My mother knew her family. She's also the type of person you do not mess with. FYI- If you want to know who's a true friend, have a dry party.
“He then asked…how is [he] supposed to have fun without alcohol and how he should function that night”. If the guest doesn't know how to have fun or how to function at night, suggesting he might have an alcohol problem seemed like a reasonable comment. Of course, it does all depend on the tone and wording of how such the suggestion was voiced. So very much NTA for wanting a dry wedding, and probably NTA for suggesting he might have an issue with alcohol.
We had our reception in the church fellowship building - it was free and very large. Being a church, it was a no-brainer of a dry reception. My mom and I concocted some of the most amazing tropical punch anyone had tasted. We also had coffee, tea and water.
My mum and dad did that. A reception at the church with soft drinks, tea, coffee and light snacks, and a larger meal for a small group of close family and those who’d travelled a long way held at my grandparent’s house. Mum said it was a great way for the trash to take itself out, because the people who would only attend for the alcohol or food declined to come, so they only had people who actually wanted to be there, while still fulfilling the social obligations by inviting everyone who would complain if they were left out of the invitations. The fact that after they got their invitation they declined because of the lack of food and booze was up to them.
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The comments are weird. Really weird. How is alcohol just so so soooo important that someone is willing to throw a literal toddler fit if they don't get it at every social gathering, including one that's hosted and paid for not by you, to celebrate an occasion not for you. This is their wedding, not yours. Their decision, not yours. The pure entitlement of this entire conversation baffles me. Plus, nobody is holding a gun to anyone's head. This is an optional attendance. There is absolutely zero reason to throw a tantrum because baby wants their bottle.
Alcohol is gross and gives me severe heartburn. I'd be perfectly happy at a dry wedding because I'm not boring enough to *need* alcohol to have good time. ;)
It amazes me to see what has become expected for a wedding. The only food served at our wedding were finger sandwiches, nuts, mints, and of course the cake. It was a normal wedding and reception. The main focus of a wedding day should always be the main ceremony, not what are they going to feed me, and can I get dunk for free
I've been to many weddings. Some were open bar, some were cash bar and others had no access to alcohol. Open bars can be dangerous. Some people will absolutely take advantage of free booze and get bombed. And open bars can be costly..That can add up to a major expense, not to mention possible liability. My EX husband and most of his family took every opportunity to get loaded, if there was any alcohol at a function. Took me years to figure out that it was THEIR problem, and not MY problem. (But I never got used to the embarrassment) Point is well taken that you don't have to have alcohol at a wedding to have fun. The choice of providing alcohol should be up to the bride and groom. You can't please everyone. Don't even try.
NTA. I've been to several weddings where it was either held at a venue that didn't allow alcohol, or the couple had close family who are in recovery and they opted against out of solidarity. I'm not against drinking. I don't drink much, myself, i enjoy an occasional drink at home and will usually order a drink when out with friends. But I am deeply disturbed by our culture pushing using alcohol to cope with any emotion or event or life situation (especially the joke about "Mommy needs a glass of wine"). IMO alcoholism isn't funny and shouldn't be a trend.
We had a dry wedding. I'm not against drinking as a whole (I'm Christian, northeast US) but we hardly drink at all and most of the people coming either are against drinking or maybe rarely drink like us. The people who came that do enjoy alcohol didn't mind at all as far as I know and no one made a fuss or cared. We tried to make it an enjoyable event for guests as well as ourselves, and people did seem to have fun! Lots of sweet and happy memories.
I almost got married and we would have had a dry wedding because my ex was a recovering alcoholic and it didn't seem fair that they had to be surrounded by alcohol on their wedding day. We didn't end up getting married but we had so many people telling us we were being selfish not serving alcohol. In the UK it is very unusual to have a dry wedding, unless you are from a culture that doesn't allow alcohol at all.
If you can't imagine life without alcohol you have a problem. If you can have fun without drinking you are a drunk.
Yeah the people saying YTA may have a problem if they drink to get through situations like dancing or socializing. That means you are dependant. Not having alcohol at a wedding should be seen as normal just as much as people getting hammered at weddings
I went to my first wedding since being sober for almost two years and the difference was crazy. Partially because my family drinks a LOT and partially because my fiancee and I just got to have fun in our own way. At our VERY SMALL wedding there will be no alcohol and my dad used to say he wouldn't come to my wedding if there was no booze. He has since changed his mind, however.
My wedding was dry due to both of us being the children of now deceased alcoholic parents. The only person who was unhappy about our decision was my sister in law. We didn't want it and we are the only ones who paid for our wedding. Good for you for sticking to your decision.
I get not going to the wedding if you don’t really like the couple (or the grandmother’s 100th birthday) but if you really care about them, you should go and put up with it. Plus the OP said they wouldn’t take alcohol away if someone brought it. I hardly ever drink alcohol (maybe 2-3 drinks per year) so I might be biased, idk.
The ones who think she's in the wrong are definitely alcoholics and would benefit from coming to terms with their problem ASAP.
Wow sounds like you need to dump him as a friend because if he thinks you need to cover his alcohol addiction who knows what else he will expect from your relationship. Your are not the a**hole. I hope you enjoy your wedding day and honey moon 💕
If champagne is used for toasts and you have a dry wedding usecsparkling grape juice. I don't like champagne or sparkling wines. A good still wine is more acceptable to me. But if I'm going to a dry wedding, so what, I'll be there. I'll be there for my family or friends. There are always 'mock-tails' mock cocktails if someone wants to feel they need a drink. They taste and look like the real thing, just zero alcohol.
I giggled at the "I can't have fun if I can't drink" statement. I would have been like: "Well...bring a f**king jigsaw puzzle."
NTA. It's her wedding, not sure why he's demanding something be at her wedding. That's ridiculous. The fact that he asked how he's supposed to function without alcohol is worrying. I'm betting he relies on alcohol for social events, since it makes him anxious. That definitely sounds like an alcoholic.
NTA... My fiance and are having a simi traditional Celtic wedding. Neither one of us really drink so we both agreed no Alcohol at the wedding. However knowing his family is big on drinking i agreed to adding BYOA to the invitations. I did also add that if you can not control yourself for any reason you will be removed. One it is a child friendly wedding and I don't want our 4yr or the other children exposed to a lot of drunken guest. Two it is our day and i don't want to have to worry about someone getting to drunk and damaging the hall or hurting anyone. I do feel that you are correct, if you can't go on day with no alcohol then maybe you have a problem. If you really need to drink go to a bar after the wedding
Definitely NTA. It's their wedding, and they're paying for it, and for the comments saying that it's normal to have some type of alcohol at a wedding, no it's normal to have whatever the bride and groom choose to to have, and I've been to plenty of dry weddings, and still had fun. You really don't need alcohol to have fun, that's just a lazy excuse for I can't make it without a drink. The OP stated that they wouldn't take away any alcohol that was brought to their wedding, but why even do that? I agree totally with that if you can't go one day without alcohol, then you have a problem, and I would've said the same thing if a " friend" was chastising me for not serving alcohol at MY wedding. I'd probably would've told him too that at his wedding that he could serve whatever he wanted, but this was MY wedding, so we'll go with what I'm serving, and I'll understand if he chooses not to attend, but I hope that he does, and that he won't let such a petty reason come between friends.
If OP doesn't want to provide alcohol that's ok, it's their wedding. There are many bubbly nonalcoholic beverages that taste great. The guy who can't have fun without alcohol has a real problem. OP was fine about disinviting him, he wouldn't have enjoyed himself, so she did him a favor by giving him an out to stay home. He wasn't going for the memories he just wanted free booze.
TBH Having a little coffee bar with all kinds of creamers & syrups sounds more interesting to me. and It would help driving home.
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This is so weird. It's like the bride providing chicken, beef and vegetarian meal options and someone flipping out because there isn't a lobster option just because all the other weddings they've attended had lobster. No one is required to provide any given food or drink at a wedding. (If someone is allergic, then if course telling the planner in advance wouldn't be a problem.) To the people saying they need to do their guests a favor seem to forget that guests should show good manners and follow the host's rules. Etiquette dictates that you try to enjoy the experience your host planned, even if it's not to your taste. If somebody wants to have a dry wedding or a particular dress code or even one of those "cakes" that are actually just large slices of watermelon covered in whipped cream, I'm either going to go with the flow or not RSVP. What I'm not going to do is complain about their choices.
She never said guests couldn't bring alcohol did she? Let them bring it themselves if they want it so bad.
I had a dry wedding. It's not that uncommon. It's sad that some people require alcohol in order to enjoy themselves. I grew up in a family that didn't drink and we had fun on New years Eve, or at the beach, or camping. My friends in college didn't drink hardly anything and we had a blast, including on spring break in Florida! Alcohol isn't necessary unless you make it so. I've seen a lot of people make fools of themselves by becoming drunk at weddings and that's no fun for anyone. And by the way, I like an occasional glass of wine or cocktail.
I had my reception in a dry town. So no alcohol was at my reception either. My friends that wanted alcohol, headed to a bar together when the reception ended. It’s really not that big of a deal.
I've never been to a wedding that served alcohol, although I have heard of them. I assume alcohol at weddings is not common. NTA, and I also agree with her comment to her friend.
The guest is entitled - assuming that the host of a gathering is expected to provide him with alcoholic beverages. The couple indicates that they are not prohibiting drink, just not paying to provide it or paying to provide ready access. The OP lost their cool when dealing with the one iterate guest, but otherwise is well within their rights.
NTA, and she even more of less said if you bring your own, they wouldn't take it away. They're simply not providing it for guests, which no one is obligated to do. I've been to a couple of dry weddings, and it was fine.
NTA — as a counselor for DaAT, the friend who can’t imagine being sober for one night has a problem, like possibly in need of an intervention or in-patient rehab kind of problem… I seldom drink, a few glasses of wines or champagne year, but it’s typically AT weddings or something similar during a toast! This is about celebrating the couple not getting trashed 🙄😒
People are incredibly selfish. Its about the wedding! The marriage, not the party or the booze. And no one is entitled to have alcohol provided, the couple has to pay for it and they don't even drink, then deal with a drunken crowd acting less than sophisticated on their most special memorable night? People really do have drinking problems. Every single one who called her the a*****e or said its expected to provide booze at a wedding has a drinking problem or is an a*****e themselves. I can't even believe this was debated. Its not holier than thou to want your wedding to be the your dream day and not the guests' excuse to get drunk and party. And anyone who says they hate weddings so they drink to enjoy it, should do the bride and groom a huge favor and decline the invite in the first place. Then they don't bring their bad energy to a sacred union and the bride and groom save themselves $100 or more per person that they would have spent on them with zero gratitude or respect in return.
NTA. Due to religion my wedding was a dry wedding and none of the few relatives we had who did drink complained at all. It was a perfectly lovely wedding and reception. No body was stressed or socially anxious at all. The wedding is about the bride and groom after all, and on that occasion what they value matters more than the opinion of the guests. Sounds like (friend) only wanted to attend for entertainment purposes only, and his entertainment is not the reason the wedding is being held.
Anyone that can't go a few hours for their friends who want to have a special day and have it be just what they wanted for their special day is definitely being a diva to bring it up to the bride and should keep their dumb mouth shut. We wouldn't even be talking about it if that dumbass had just politely declined the invite instead of being a jerk. Also wtf is wrong with a friend telling another friend that they may have a problem? Sounds like a great way to end a toxic conversation to me. If they have an alcohol problem, it's not your fault for calling them out.
PS I'm from Wisconsin so judge my comment with that in mind. I'm also an alcoholic, sober for 5+ years.
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NTA. Even when I started reading the post and hadn't read your own response to this 'friend' yet my own thought was exactly what you told him straight. If you don't know how to have fun or function without alcohol it means you're dependent. That is the exact definition of alcoholism and this person needs help. People who say that YTA are wrong. The truth hurts, sugar coating doesn't help someone with a drinking problem. Maybe this person will one day look for help and realize that her reaction opened his eyes to his problem.
I feel like she right. As a nonalcoholic I've been peer pressured to drink many times. I tried once was a lightweight and didn't like person I became, emotionally unstable. Alot people thought I was lame or unfun as a person. But the people who didn't take no the first time in pressuring you to drink, or change your weddings. Like your friends are there to celebrate your love, if they need alcohol to appreciate your happiness , and can't go without for 4hrs I'm sorry you're alcoholic. Regular people just shrug off not tell the bride. And the kinda "fun " you need alcohol for . What hit on her bridesmaids? Throw up on her dress? Blackout drunk. Mild drinkers can handle a no. And flat out drunks need bring booze to a church and can't live without it for one night.
Ngl, I think this "friend" does indeed have a problem. He can't "function" without alcohol? Anyway, he apparently assumed he wasn't *allowed* to drink, period, and that wasn't the case. He wanted to get wasted on their dime and didn't respect the couple's boundary of not paying for it, so he pitched a fit.
It is their wedding. Said guest that couldn't have fun without drinking, ummm...the bride must have hit a truth to this guest and that is why he went ballistic. As for uninviting this person, bravo. It is ridicules for those who are invited to expect the bride and groom to pander to their wants. Some comments were that she had a holier than thou attitude, WHAT gives you the right to attack her for wanting a dry wedding.
Everything you did was spot on, but a statement like ‘this is an alcohol-free celebration’ is, to me, far more appropriate than anything vaguely worded.
NTA. THEIR WEDDING PERIOD. Don't know about the other countries, Places in Canada, you need insurance if you are having alcohol at your wedding. Just incase someone leaves your wedding hammered and causes an accident. Good friends of mine are actually hiring taxi's for there wedding with a cash bar.... But I do wonder when guests got a say in what was on the menu.
NTA. My son had a dry wedding. Our family doesn't drink and it never crossed our minds to serve alcohol. And a good time was had by all!
NTA, its their wedding, their decision. The guy sounded like an AH for his response. Why doesn't he do what the rest of us do - shut up about it and sneak in a hip flask.
Not even sneak in lol The bride said she didn't mind if the guests drank, she just wouldn't be providing alcohol
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She wasn't banning alcohol, just not paying for it herself. It's her money and her wedding after all. Pretty sure the guy's just mad he wasn't getting alcohol for free. Doesn't necessarily mean he has a drinking problem, but he's definitely acting selfish and entitled. The wedding is about the couple, not the booze. If you can't have fun at your own friend's wedding, that says something about you, not them. As for whether her comment about him having a drinking problem was out of line, maybe it was a bit too strong. But sounds like he was being pretty insulting toward her, so I can hardly blame her for responding to his attitude like that. And I lean on the side that if he can't have fun with his friends without alcohol, that's a problem. Doesn't mean he's an alcoholic, but it still is a problem. Maybe shouldn't have called him out like that, but he kinda brought it on himself with how he was talking to her.
My daughter will be 21 when she and her fiance gets marry. She was going to have an open bar but now she is a newly mother that breastfeeds so since her fiance doesn't drink they decided not to have an open bar or a cash bar. A have a lot of family members who has small kids and at every function they don't pay attention to their kids and their kids tears up everything, so she said she didn't want a lot of kids at her wedding. Just the ones who are pick to be in it. She let everyone know how she felt and told them if any of this will be a problem than let her know so she's not wasting an invitation on them. One person stated why can't she get another room and have the kids there she stated for what and who is going to keep an eye on the kids. I am the one that people stick their kids with. I am the main one they trust with their kids. I stopped babysitting for my family when I became pregnant with my son. So people said well I am sure your mom won't mind since her son will be there too
She went off she said HELL NO that's my mother she will be with me so will my brother since he's the one walking me down the aisle. My mom done missed all the big parties a lot of weddings because she was y'all designated baby sitter and y'all just had to go and be seen. Only thing my mom is doing is helping me get dress and sitting pretty at her daughter's wedding. My daughter's fiance went off too. Him and his mother doesn't have a great relationship but I treat him like he's mines and always supporting him and encouraging him to go for what he wants in life. So he is very protective over me too. They hate when people asked me money or asked me to do things. While I was raising my daughter I was raising other people's kids and not having time to myself. Some people say well they won't be able to find a babysitter. My daughter and her fiance said that's nice because the people they really want to be there their kids or either a part of the wedding or their kids is of age 12 and up. Or
Load More Replies... My cousin and his wife was recovery alcoholics and there was no alcohol premitted on the grounds at their wedding or their reception. If you had a drink before coming you was not allow in. I have an uncle that can't function without drinking. He came to the weeding sober his son brought him and he stay at the reception until the toast was made. Than his son took him home he started to get agitated. But he came and support them with no problem and respected their wishes. I have a huge family my mom is the baby out of 19. The place was pack with so many people. People that loves to drink to have fun. Non of the party guests had a problem with their rules and we all danced and enjoyed our time together. They had friends work colleague there. Friends from highschool and college. Everyone came and had a great time and enjoyed their self.
Idk why people think it's required to have alcohol at a wedding. Where I'm from it's not even typical.
We had a dry wedding because no exaggeration, 1/2 of our family are alcoholics and would have been ugly drunks and I didn’t want to worry about people getting home or possible fights. No one had any issue with it, or at least didn’t voice any complaints.
A better question is why are you and your husband or fiancee or whatever the hell it is associating with people like this? You can't possibly be friends with someone and not knot no their affinity for alcohol. Do what you want, it's your wedding, but you don't get to denigrate people because they want something that you don't or they enjoy things that you don't. You claim hes a friend but but if he was that good a friend, you would know not to invite him at all because you wouldn't know how he would feel.
I went to a "dry wedding" the reason was the venue didn't have the licence at the time. After checking with the groom, we each took a small hip flask and bought the mixer. Cheapest round of drinks I every bought at a wedding before. Sounds like this friend could have been half reasonable , rather maning demands of soneone probably already stressed. they could have still had thier way and had a drink.
If the bride & groom don't drink, why the HELL should they pay for others to do so? And I agree with OP, if you can't have fun & socialize without booze, YOU have a problem!
NTA. Your wedding, your choice. Also, your money, your choice. Dude was out of line, and probably should take an honest look at his relationship with alcohol.
NTA 1. Bride said no to providing the booze not that people couldn't bring some with them. 2. Their wedding not anybody else's. 3. Alcohol isn't the only way to have fun anywhere. Lastly he was rude to her first and she didnt stand for it so she fought backhand defended her and her fiances choices for THEIR wedding
EVERY wedding I have been to with alcohol had fights erupt among the non-sober. The fact is, alcohol loosens inhibitions, which is the exact reason people want it - they are uptight, inhibited, or lacking confidence. ALL inhibitions get loosened, from the gift of gab, to freedom to dance, to being an obnoxious loud mouth that says everything entering their head, to loosening sexually and allowing, or taking without consent. Double-edged lubricant, IMO.
I don't drink, not because I'm straight edge or anything I just never enjoyed drinking. Nta in this situation, but maybe let your friend bring a bottle of champagne or something.
Mostly NTA. It’s your wedding and you stated you aren’t paying/providing alcohol not forbidding it. You are completely in the right on that. However, stating he may have an alcohol problem was probably not the most kosher way to handle the conversation. Even though you and yours don’t drink, it would be hard for you to not know that people generally do drink at weddings and it (for good or bad) has become the “norm”. Obviously I wasn’t there to hear the actual conversation and he could have come right out of the gate being a jerk when he called you. In the end, him using slurs tells me he shouldn’t get that invitation back. I hope you enjoy your special day!
People really saying YTA maybe she shouldn't have called him a drunk but they don't have to spend money on something that won't benefit them on that day. Why should a piece of their wedding debt be to get others drunk when they don't drink. That's not the trade off. I come and bring you a gift but you really paid for it with the booze you don't drink? What happened to just being their for your friends and family on special occasions. Sounds like they will have a good turn out anyway only 4 nos two because of previous commitments and 2 probably for the dry aspect. Sounds like it will/was a blast.
I don't drink either. I don't mind other people drinking at all, booze and my body don't like each other much. So I'm cool with no booze. But if she said I couldn't smoke a joint on the way I personally wouldn't go.
Anyone who says "I can't socialize without alcohol" is very probably just in withdrawal. That's why being sober sucks so much.
I drink. I have at least one drink a day. I don't do shots. I don't get drunk, but I like to drink. I would have no problem going to a dry wedding. If you can't go a few hours without a drink, then you have a problem.
I mean... I like drinking, most of the time reasonnably, can go days / week without so it's not a problem. I am just not ashamed to say I do enjoy alcohol. If someone want a dry anything, no problem! Would I have enjoyed a beer, glass of wine or a whiskey? Absolutly. Do I need it? Absolutly not.
I don't think I've ever been to a wedding with alcohol, though I don't drink so wasn't always paying attention. My parents wedding had no alcohol; it was held at her church, which was Baptist.
Its an invitation not a summons. I get some have social anxiety and a drink helps. If you don't feel comfortable, don't go. But yeah calling her and telling her she HAD to provide alcohol you might be an alcoholic and you picked the fight.
I don't get the audacity of people. It's their wedding so they can have it alcohol free. You don't have to go. Simple as that if it bothers her that much. But that would be extremely selfish.
For all their insistence that everyone servers alcohol at weddings, I have never been to one that did. It never even occurred to me to offer it at mine and most of our friends were drinkers. Not a one of them complained or left early.
If you need alcohol to have a "good time" and will turn down social events because the venue is dry? You already have a drinking problem. Alcohol is a crutch. As far as the couple having a dry wedding? Its their event, their day, their rules. If you cant put the cork in the bottle for a few hours to be with them and enjoy their special day? Maybe you should take a look at yourself and ask why alcohol is so important to you.
What about people who have social anxiety and are stressed out around crowds and strangers? And won't be able to joke around and dance with strangers without having a drink or two? I only drink socially because it helps to ease social anxiety for me. It's not about being an alcoholic or needing to get drunk to have fun at all, I just need to not feel anxious and panicky and worried around strangers all night long. That wouldn't be fun at all and it would make me try to find excuses to leave as early as possible, preferably right after dinner..
That's not really the case though. If I drank alcohol (I don't), because my anxiety is too high, I'd understand that. But the friend said that he couldn't have fun without having any alcohol. In some cases, it shows that those who say they can't go a day or a few hours without drinking, pretty much proves they have some issues. OP only said that they wouldn't provide any alcohol, and it's okay for guests to bring their own. Weddings are expensive, adding alcohol makes it worse, especially if it's the expensive kind too.
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Yes, though that case the reason for the dry wedding was one of the spouses was a recovering alcoholic.
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ESH/YTA and INFO. INFO: She said this is the norm at their dinner parties and everyone knows, but does HE know? Has he been to these parties? If he was aware of this fact, he wouldn't have had to confront her since he'd be like "w/e I'll just bring my own" or called to ask if it was okay to bring his own alcohol. YTA: If she had addressed his question properly and said "yes, it's a dry wedding, BUT people are welcome to bring something for themselves" this whole issue could've been avoided. Calling someone out as an alcoholic and saying they need therapy was rude, and in this case was likely said offensively rather than a show of concern. ESH: It's her right to have a dry wedding and he shouldn't have thrown insults at her, but she also could've avoided escalating the situation. Also.. everyone in comments is focused on him saying he "can't have fun" without alcohol, but what about him saying he can't FUNCTION without it??
BTA: Your wedding your rules, however I DO have to point out: 1) you didn't even bring up the possibility of guest being able to BYOA, the wannabe cutesy " oh dont worry about needed a taxi or uber" comment points to this. It wasn't until another poster called this out that you replied: "oh we'd never turn away somebody who brought a hip flask". You didn't mention that in the invitations. 2) he was out of line with the "how am I supposed to have fun at the wedding when I can't drink"...YOU WERE OUT OF LINE WITH YOUR RESPONSE! If this man is your friend as you claim, then you should have been more tactful with your response. Tldr: he's an a*****e for how he responded , YOURE AN A*****E, for sending a loaded invitation: you knew exactly what you were doing by failing to announce that guest could BYOB to your wedding.
I'm going with a super-soft ESH- I can absolutely understand OPs point of view about alcohol since my husband and I are not drinkers. We debated for about five minutes as to if we should have a dry wedding- not only are we non-drinkers, but several family members are alcoholics and we didn't want to enable them. However, ultimately we decided to have beer and wine served and had an open bar during the cocktail hour. Weddings are not only for the bride and groom- that's an elopement. When you involve your family and want to invite people to a celebration, you need to consider your guests as well as your own preferences. That's not to say that every miniscule thing needs to be accommodated, but if you know in general your guests are going to appreciate a champagne toast or some wine, you provide it. It doesn't mean they're alcoholics.
OTOH, this friend of OP- not only does he sound like he really does have a problem ("how am I supposed to function for the night without alcohol?"), but it's my opinion in general that people who feel they need to be intoxicated to suffer through someone's wedding don't need to be invited. I come from a gigantic Italian family with scores of cousins. When my husband and I made our initial guest list, there were so many people we would have invited that didn't know us, probably didn't care, and were only coming for free booze. We know too many people with the mindset of "I need to drink to get through this party". Weddings are special and expensive. Don't invite people who don't care. We managed to cull our guest list from almost 200 people down to less than 50 just using this metric. We only invited people who we knew were happy for us and wanted to be a part of that experience with us. I have zero regrets about doing this, even if it made us seem like AHs.
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Weddings & Funerals are both the same. There is always drama in both. Some just a little bit of drama, and some a lot of drama. At my age I have been to A LOT of both, and the stories I could tell. I give this an ESH.
I'm leaning towards ESH like the guy flipping out and getting angry when it's her wedding is definitely an AH move but her assumption that anyone that doesn't prefer the idea of a dry wedding has a drinking problem is quit judgy and incorrect. I'm not normally a big drinker but if I'm going to dance in public I can't do it without a drink or two not getting wasted a moderate amount of alcohol. It's a social anxiety thing. It definitely doesn't mean you have a problem. I can definitely go a night without a drink I've gone months at time. I hang out with friends without alcohol even parties and concerts. It's just dancing. If I don't have alcohol I just sit alone the whole time bored. And to all the people that say this is a problem my therapist disagrees so I'll go with the professional opinion on that one. She said plenty of people need to take some kind of medication to go to into a crowd so having a Drink or two is the same thing.
Have you ever had to pay for a wedding? They’re expensive. If the couple chooses to save money by not serving alcohol, that is acceptable. Also, please do not compare an addictive substance that can cause health issues and death to “dessert/cake”. Alcoholism and drunk people can cause death, often to innocent bystanders. Cake doesn’t.
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NTA. Their wedding, their rules. I would go to a wedding even if they served only water. It's about the wedding, not the booze.
Exactly. If you don't like the rules for a wedding then just don't go. The last wedding I attended was a dry wedding for religious reasons and absolutely nobody had a problem with it. We were there to see our friend get married and provide her with a happy memory, not party all night like it was some college frat house.
Load More Replies... The commenters coming at the OP with YTA or even a soft YTA? The f**k...anyone who asks how they're supposed to have fun without alcohol without a shred of irony seriously needs an intervention. She wasn't being holier than thou...she was responding to a seriously f****d up statement. I drink alot...like, alot. But if someone threw a dry wedding I'd still go because you're there for them, not the alcohol. If you're there for the alcohol, then yea...time to look for help.
The YTA commenters are obviously alcoholics.
Load More Replies... Im going as far as saying truth apparently hurts.. If you can't have fun without alcohol.. that indicates you are dependent and that makes you an alcoholic. And a wedding is however the to be married couple wants it to be.
I've never seen the fun in waking up with a hangover and lapses in your memory. I like a drink now and then but things are plenty fun without it.
Load More Replies... The obsession with alcohol is alarming. People really get this upset if there isn’t going to be a chance to get wasted? I don’t drink so maybe I just don’t get it- but I do smoke weed. I’d still never get angry about weed not being provided/allowed at an event. Our culture’s obsession with alcohol is gross. The fact that so many feel downright entitled to it is gross. The fact that people are literally arguing that it’s unfair or will make for a boring event are gross. Go. Dance. Eat. Hang out with people. Have fun. And yes- if it bothers you SO MUCH that you think calling the bride and going off on her is appropriate- you probably have a drinking problem. I said what I said.
Nta since i am a recovering alcoholic (as well as a few of my relatives) , we had a alcohol free wedding. Two people snuck in alcohol, but I just ignored it since that was their deal. No one should feel obligated to provide alcohol if they don't drink it.
I see that no one has mentioned this to you yet-- Congratulations on your sobriety. And to your relatives as well.
Load More Replies... I have been to several "dry" weddings and they are just as much fun as ones that aren't (do we say "wet" weddings if there is alcohol?). I, personally, have never based my decision on what will or won't be at the reception. I am going to celebrate the couple and their marriage, and if at the time of the reception, there is a weird vibe, or as in the case of a recent wedding I attended, no food (don't judge me, it was a 4:00 PM wedding that lasted 2 hours and then we had to wait another hour for the photos to be finished to get into the reception hall and then we found out there was no food to be served. It was late, I was hungry), I graciously thank the couple and leave.
Wow. I agree with you about the food aspect. Maybe the couple hadn't anticipated everything taking so long. When the wedding is late afternoon, with all the time consuming extra activities, you kinda expect food afterwards. I went to a wedding once where the couple ran out of money. But they managed fruit platters, dips and cheese and cracker platters, etc. But it wasn't that close to a dinner hour, so everyone was ok with it. I come from a family of "foodies" so we never have an event of any kind without a buffet happening. Lol.
Load More Replies... NTA. She didn't have to explain to anyone why she was having a dry wedding. Her d**k friend confronted her and I think she handled it well being put on the spot. It would never ever occur to me to call a bride or groom and complain about any aspect of their wedding. I have every right not to attend and do did he. I mean the guy basically said he can't have fun without alcohol. He opened the door right up for her to comment that he may have a problem. If the dude can't have fun without alcohol, then maybe he would go to rehab instead of the wedding. I'm not sure what part people think she sounded cutesy. I think she sounded incredibly annoyed and was trying to be nice about it. And any of her friends who have an issue with it can just RSVP no.
Who are these people who think they have a say in someone's wedding? Get new friends.
Why is it impossible for so many people to have fun without being drunk? I don't drink and have several alcoholic relatives, so I would probably do a dry wedding myself. I'd you can't enjoy yourself without having a drink in your hand, then you have a problem. The people who said YTA are probably just like this friend that is upset because he can't have alcohol for one day. She did not act holier-than-thou, he acted like an idiot by texting the bride because he can't get drunk. If you have to drink to have a good time, you have a problem.
The bigger upset was his anger at not having FREE alcohol. He would have aroused even more loudly if it were a cash bar!
Load More Replies... Not only are people allowed to choose what to do about alcohol for an event they are hosting...but...here's a tough concept for some: they don't even owe you an explanation. They may have just decided not worth the hassle. Or the maid of honor is 6 months sober. Or someone is pregnant or on meds that preclude alcohol and really miss it. Or there is that one family member that goes from difficult to beligerant after a few. It doesn't matter. It's none of your business. It doesn't sound like that person just clarified there will be no alcohol, but basically demanded there be some. Not okay.
If you can't attend a social event without getting hammered, you're probably better off not attending. I get it's a cultural thing, but hearing people talk as if Christmas, weddings, etc. only exist as an excuse to get drunk just makes me shake my head. I like a drink as much as the next person, but it's not the only way to have fun.
One of my friends got married a couple of years ago. She's a Muslim, her husband wasn't at that time, but was thinking about converting. They had no alcohol either. A couple of his friends were acting like it was her decision, and that she must have talked him into it. When in reality, he couldn't have cared less. Personally for me, it didn't matter. I wasn't going to their wedding to get hammered, it wasn't a big deal. I think some people forget what weddings are for...it's not supposed to be about you it's about the couple getting married, and celebrating with them. Nta obviously
The people who defended the "friend" seems to be too socially awkward to function without alcohol. That's mild addiction in my dictionary. Not exactly healthy. Sure they may not be alcoholic.. yet. But their continuing reliance on alcohol might one day turn them into alcoholic. Plus if you don't enjoy wedding, just stay home. No reason to torture yourself.
Absolutely NTA. Her special day, she gets to call ALL of the shots. Don't like it? Too bad. Booze causes more trouble than it's worth. She was also right to rescind buddy's invite. Given his behavior, he'd likely sneak booze in, proceed to get loaded and do something regrettable.
We , my wife and I, are both in our 80s, we still go to weddings of our extended families and friends, we stopped drinking years ago, dry weddings not a problem !!
Load More Replies... My wedding had to be a dry wedding due to the religious church we were married at (we couldn't get around it) and guess what? We had a fun time anyway. It wasn't a party party, it was a reception for me and my husband getting married. Not every wedding has to be a night club setting afterwards. The guests should just politely not attend if it's that bothersome.
No, nobody has to provide alcohol. There would be far less embarrassing moments if every event was alcohol free. And if you need to be drunk to enjoy weddings, stay home and get drunk there.
I went to a dry wedding (the groom was/is a recovering alcoholic) and it was the most amazing wedding I've ever been to! From the location to the fancy nonalcoholic drinks to the food.....Had an absolute blast!
Why do people get so bent out of shape about other peoples weddings? Lots of people have dry weddings. My mother had a dry wedding. She even told her father he was NOT allowed to provide liquor for 'certain family'. My mother knew her family. She's also the type of person you do not mess with. FYI- If you want to know who's a true friend, have a dry party.
“He then asked…how is [he] supposed to have fun without alcohol and how he should function that night”. If the guest doesn't know how to have fun or how to function at night, suggesting he might have an alcohol problem seemed like a reasonable comment. Of course, it does all depend on the tone and wording of how such the suggestion was voiced. So very much NTA for wanting a dry wedding, and probably NTA for suggesting he might have an issue with alcohol.
We had our reception in the church fellowship building - it was free and very large. Being a church, it was a no-brainer of a dry reception. My mom and I concocted some of the most amazing tropical punch anyone had tasted. We also had coffee, tea and water.
My mum and dad did that. A reception at the church with soft drinks, tea, coffee and light snacks, and a larger meal for a small group of close family and those who’d travelled a long way held at my grandparent’s house. Mum said it was a great way for the trash to take itself out, because the people who would only attend for the alcohol or food declined to come, so they only had people who actually wanted to be there, while still fulfilling the social obligations by inviting everyone who would complain if they were left out of the invitations. The fact that after they got their invitation they declined because of the lack of food and booze was up to them.
Load More Replies... The comments are weird. Really weird. How is alcohol just so so soooo important that someone is willing to throw a literal toddler fit if they don't get it at every social gathering, including one that's hosted and paid for not by you, to celebrate an occasion not for you. This is their wedding, not yours. Their decision, not yours. The pure entitlement of this entire conversation baffles me. Plus, nobody is holding a gun to anyone's head. This is an optional attendance. There is absolutely zero reason to throw a tantrum because baby wants their bottle.
Alcohol is gross and gives me severe heartburn. I'd be perfectly happy at a dry wedding because I'm not boring enough to *need* alcohol to have good time. ;)
It amazes me to see what has become expected for a wedding. The only food served at our wedding were finger sandwiches, nuts, mints, and of course the cake. It was a normal wedding and reception. The main focus of a wedding day should always be the main ceremony, not what are they going to feed me, and can I get dunk for free
I've been to many weddings. Some were open bar, some were cash bar and others had no access to alcohol. Open bars can be dangerous. Some people will absolutely take advantage of free booze and get bombed. And open bars can be costly..That can add up to a major expense, not to mention possible liability. My EX husband and most of his family took every opportunity to get loaded, if there was any alcohol at a function. Took me years to figure out that it was THEIR problem, and not MY problem. (But I never got used to the embarrassment) Point is well taken that you don't have to have alcohol at a wedding to have fun. The choice of providing alcohol should be up to the bride and groom. You can't please everyone. Don't even try.
NTA. I've been to several weddings where it was either held at a venue that didn't allow alcohol, or the couple had close family who are in recovery and they opted against out of solidarity. I'm not against drinking. I don't drink much, myself, i enjoy an occasional drink at home and will usually order a drink when out with friends. But I am deeply disturbed by our culture pushing using alcohol to cope with any emotion or event or life situation (especially the joke about "Mommy needs a glass of wine"). IMO alcoholism isn't funny and shouldn't be a trend.
We had a dry wedding. I'm not against drinking as a whole (I'm Christian, northeast US) but we hardly drink at all and most of the people coming either are against drinking or maybe rarely drink like us. The people who came that do enjoy alcohol didn't mind at all as far as I know and no one made a fuss or cared. We tried to make it an enjoyable event for guests as well as ourselves, and people did seem to have fun! Lots of sweet and happy memories.
I almost got married and we would have had a dry wedding because my ex was a recovering alcoholic and it didn't seem fair that they had to be surrounded by alcohol on their wedding day. We didn't end up getting married but we had so many people telling us we were being selfish not serving alcohol. In the UK it is very unusual to have a dry wedding, unless you are from a culture that doesn't allow alcohol at all.
If you can't imagine life without alcohol you have a problem. If you can have fun without drinking you are a drunk.
Yeah the people saying YTA may have a problem if they drink to get through situations like dancing or socializing. That means you are dependant. Not having alcohol at a wedding should be seen as normal just as much as people getting hammered at weddings
I went to my first wedding since being sober for almost two years and the difference was crazy. Partially because my family drinks a LOT and partially because my fiancee and I just got to have fun in our own way. At our VERY SMALL wedding there will be no alcohol and my dad used to say he wouldn't come to my wedding if there was no booze. He has since changed his mind, however.
My wedding was dry due to both of us being the children of now deceased alcoholic parents. The only person who was unhappy about our decision was my sister in law. We didn't want it and we are the only ones who paid for our wedding. Good for you for sticking to your decision.
I get not going to the wedding if you don’t really like the couple (or the grandmother’s 100th birthday) but if you really care about them, you should go and put up with it. Plus the OP said they wouldn’t take alcohol away if someone brought it. I hardly ever drink alcohol (maybe 2-3 drinks per year) so I might be biased, idk.
The ones who think she's in the wrong are definitely alcoholics and would benefit from coming to terms with their problem ASAP.
Wow sounds like you need to dump him as a friend because if he thinks you need to cover his alcohol addiction who knows what else he will expect from your relationship. Your are not the a**hole. I hope you enjoy your wedding day and honey moon 💕
If champagne is used for toasts and you have a dry wedding usecsparkling grape juice. I don't like champagne or sparkling wines. A good still wine is more acceptable to me. But if I'm going to a dry wedding, so what, I'll be there. I'll be there for my family or friends. There are always 'mock-tails' mock cocktails if someone wants to feel they need a drink. They taste and look like the real thing, just zero alcohol.
I giggled at the "I can't have fun if I can't drink" statement. I would have been like: "Well...bring a f**king jigsaw puzzle."
NTA. It's her wedding, not sure why he's demanding something be at her wedding. That's ridiculous. The fact that he asked how he's supposed to function without alcohol is worrying. I'm betting he relies on alcohol for social events, since it makes him anxious. That definitely sounds like an alcoholic.
NTA... My fiance and are having a simi traditional Celtic wedding. Neither one of us really drink so we both agreed no Alcohol at the wedding. However knowing his family is big on drinking i agreed to adding BYOA to the invitations. I did also add that if you can not control yourself for any reason you will be removed. One it is a child friendly wedding and I don't want our 4yr or the other children exposed to a lot of drunken guest. Two it is our day and i don't want to have to worry about someone getting to drunk and damaging the hall or hurting anyone. I do feel that you are correct, if you can't go on day with no alcohol then maybe you have a problem. If you really need to drink go to a bar after the wedding
Definitely NTA. It's their wedding, and they're paying for it, and for the comments saying that it's normal to have some type of alcohol at a wedding, no it's normal to have whatever the bride and groom choose to to have, and I've been to plenty of dry weddings, and still had fun. You really don't need alcohol to have fun, that's just a lazy excuse for I can't make it without a drink. The OP stated that they wouldn't take away any alcohol that was brought to their wedding, but why even do that? I agree totally with that if you can't go one day without alcohol, then you have a problem, and I would've said the same thing if a " friend" was chastising me for not serving alcohol at MY wedding. I'd probably would've told him too that at his wedding that he could serve whatever he wanted, but this was MY wedding, so we'll go with what I'm serving, and I'll understand if he chooses not to attend, but I hope that he does, and that he won't let such a petty reason come between friends.
If OP doesn't want to provide alcohol that's ok, it's their wedding. There are many bubbly nonalcoholic beverages that taste great. The guy who can't have fun without alcohol has a real problem. OP was fine about disinviting him, he wouldn't have enjoyed himself, so she did him a favor by giving him an out to stay home. He wasn't going for the memories he just wanted free booze.
TBH Having a little coffee bar with all kinds of creamers & syrups sounds more interesting to me. and It would help driving home.
Load More Replies... This is so weird. It's like the bride providing chicken, beef and vegetarian meal options and someone flipping out because there isn't a lobster option just because all the other weddings they've attended had lobster. No one is required to provide any given food or drink at a wedding. (If someone is allergic, then if course telling the planner in advance wouldn't be a problem.) To the people saying they need to do their guests a favor seem to forget that guests should show good manners and follow the host's rules. Etiquette dictates that you try to enjoy the experience your host planned, even if it's not to your taste. If somebody wants to have a dry wedding or a particular dress code or even one of those "cakes" that are actually just large slices of watermelon covered in whipped cream, I'm either going to go with the flow or not RSVP. What I'm not going to do is complain about their choices.
She never said guests couldn't bring alcohol did she? Let them bring it themselves if they want it so bad.
I had a dry wedding. It's not that uncommon. It's sad that some people require alcohol in order to enjoy themselves. I grew up in a family that didn't drink and we had fun on New years Eve, or at the beach, or camping. My friends in college didn't drink hardly anything and we had a blast, including on spring break in Florida! Alcohol isn't necessary unless you make it so. I've seen a lot of people make fools of themselves by becoming drunk at weddings and that's no fun for anyone. And by the way, I like an occasional glass of wine or cocktail.
I had my reception in a dry town. So no alcohol was at my reception either. My friends that wanted alcohol, headed to a bar together when the reception ended. It’s really not that big of a deal.
I've never been to a wedding that served alcohol, although I have heard of them. I assume alcohol at weddings is not common. NTA, and I also agree with her comment to her friend.
The guest is entitled - assuming that the host of a gathering is expected to provide him with alcoholic beverages. The couple indicates that they are not prohibiting drink, just not paying to provide it or paying to provide ready access. The OP lost their cool when dealing with the one iterate guest, but otherwise is well within their rights.
NTA, and she even more of less said if you bring your own, they wouldn't take it away. They're simply not providing it for guests, which no one is obligated to do. I've been to a couple of dry weddings, and it was fine.
NTA — as a counselor for DaAT, the friend who can’t imagine being sober for one night has a problem, like possibly in need of an intervention or in-patient rehab kind of problem… I seldom drink, a few glasses of wines or champagne year, but it’s typically AT weddings or something similar during a toast! This is about celebrating the couple not getting trashed 🙄😒
People are incredibly selfish. Its about the wedding! The marriage, not the party or the booze. And no one is entitled to have alcohol provided, the couple has to pay for it and they don't even drink, then deal with a drunken crowd acting less than sophisticated on their most special memorable night? People really do have drinking problems. Every single one who called her the a*****e or said its expected to provide booze at a wedding has a drinking problem or is an a*****e themselves. I can't even believe this was debated. Its not holier than thou to want your wedding to be the your dream day and not the guests' excuse to get drunk and party. And anyone who says they hate weddings so they drink to enjoy it, should do the bride and groom a huge favor and decline the invite in the first place. Then they don't bring their bad energy to a sacred union and the bride and groom save themselves $100 or more per person that they would have spent on them with zero gratitude or respect in return.
NTA. Due to religion my wedding was a dry wedding and none of the few relatives we had who did drink complained at all. It was a perfectly lovely wedding and reception. No body was stressed or socially anxious at all. The wedding is about the bride and groom after all, and on that occasion what they value matters more than the opinion of the guests. Sounds like (friend) only wanted to attend for entertainment purposes only, and his entertainment is not the reason the wedding is being held.
Anyone that can't go a few hours for their friends who want to have a special day and have it be just what they wanted for their special day is definitely being a diva to bring it up to the bride and should keep their dumb mouth shut. We wouldn't even be talking about it if that dumbass had just politely declined the invite instead of being a jerk. Also wtf is wrong with a friend telling another friend that they may have a problem? Sounds like a great way to end a toxic conversation to me. If they have an alcohol problem, it's not your fault for calling them out.
PS I'm from Wisconsin so judge my comment with that in mind. I'm also an alcoholic, sober for 5+ years.
Load More Replies... NTA. Even when I started reading the post and hadn't read your own response to this 'friend' yet my own thought was exactly what you told him straight. If you don't know how to have fun or function without alcohol it means you're dependent. That is the exact definition of alcoholism and this person needs help. People who say that YTA are wrong. The truth hurts, sugar coating doesn't help someone with a drinking problem. Maybe this person will one day look for help and realize that her reaction opened his eyes to his problem.
I feel like she right. As a nonalcoholic I've been peer pressured to drink many times. I tried once was a lightweight and didn't like person I became, emotionally unstable. Alot people thought I was lame or unfun as a person. But the people who didn't take no the first time in pressuring you to drink, or change your weddings. Like your friends are there to celebrate your love, if they need alcohol to appreciate your happiness , and can't go without for 4hrs I'm sorry you're alcoholic. Regular people just shrug off not tell the bride. And the kinda "fun " you need alcohol for . What hit on her bridesmaids? Throw up on her dress? Blackout drunk. Mild drinkers can handle a no. And flat out drunks need bring booze to a church and can't live without it for one night.
Ngl, I think this "friend" does indeed have a problem. He can't "function" without alcohol? Anyway, he apparently assumed he wasn't *allowed* to drink, period, and that wasn't the case. He wanted to get wasted on their dime and didn't respect the couple's boundary of not paying for it, so he pitched a fit.
It is their wedding. Said guest that couldn't have fun without drinking, ummm...the bride must have hit a truth to this guest and that is why he went ballistic. As for uninviting this person, bravo. It is ridicules for those who are invited to expect the bride and groom to pander to their wants. Some comments were that she had a holier than thou attitude, WHAT gives you the right to attack her for wanting a dry wedding.
Everything you did was spot on, but a statement like ‘this is an alcohol-free celebration’ is, to me, far more appropriate than anything vaguely worded.
NTA. THEIR WEDDING PERIOD. Don't know about the other countries, Places in Canada, you need insurance if you are having alcohol at your wedding. Just incase someone leaves your wedding hammered and causes an accident. Good friends of mine are actually hiring taxi's for there wedding with a cash bar.... But I do wonder when guests got a say in what was on the menu.
NTA. My son had a dry wedding. Our family doesn't drink and it never crossed our minds to serve alcohol. And a good time was had by all!
NTA, its their wedding, their decision. The guy sounded like an AH for his response. Why doesn't he do what the rest of us do - shut up about it and sneak in a hip flask.
Not even sneak in lol The bride said she didn't mind if the guests drank, she just wouldn't be providing alcohol
Load More Replies... She wasn't banning alcohol, just not paying for it herself. It's her money and her wedding after all. Pretty sure the guy's just mad he wasn't getting alcohol for free. Doesn't necessarily mean he has a drinking problem, but he's definitely acting selfish and entitled. The wedding is about the couple, not the booze. If you can't have fun at your own friend's wedding, that says something about you, not them. As for whether her comment about him having a drinking problem was out of line, maybe it was a bit too strong. But sounds like he was being pretty insulting toward her, so I can hardly blame her for responding to his attitude like that. And I lean on the side that if he can't have fun with his friends without alcohol, that's a problem. Doesn't mean he's an alcoholic, but it still is a problem. Maybe shouldn't have called him out like that, but he kinda brought it on himself with how he was talking to her.
My daughter will be 21 when she and her fiance gets marry. She was going to have an open bar but now she is a newly mother that breastfeeds so since her fiance doesn't drink they decided not to have an open bar or a cash bar. A have a lot of family members who has small kids and at every function they don't pay attention to their kids and their kids tears up everything, so she said she didn't want a lot of kids at her wedding. Just the ones who are pick to be in it. She let everyone know how she felt and told them if any of this will be a problem than let her know so she's not wasting an invitation on them. One person stated why can't she get another room and have the kids there she stated for what and who is going to keep an eye on the kids. I am the one that people stick their kids with. I am the main one they trust with their kids. I stopped babysitting for my family when I became pregnant with my son. So people said well I am sure your mom won't mind since her son will be there too
She went off she said HELL NO that's my mother she will be with me so will my brother since he's the one walking me down the aisle. My mom done missed all the big parties a lot of weddings because she was y'all designated baby sitter and y'all just had to go and be seen. Only thing my mom is doing is helping me get dress and sitting pretty at her daughter's wedding. My daughter's fiance went off too. Him and his mother doesn't have a great relationship but I treat him like he's mines and always supporting him and encouraging him to go for what he wants in life. So he is very protective over me too. They hate when people asked me money or asked me to do things. While I was raising my daughter I was raising other people's kids and not having time to myself. Some people say well they won't be able to find a babysitter. My daughter and her fiance said that's nice because the people they really want to be there their kids or either a part of the wedding or their kids is of age 12 and up. Or
Load More Replies... My cousin and his wife was recovery alcoholics and there was no alcohol premitted on the grounds at their wedding or their reception. If you had a drink before coming you was not allow in. I have an uncle that can't function without drinking. He came to the weeding sober his son brought him and he stay at the reception until the toast was made. Than his son took him home he started to get agitated. But he came and support them with no problem and respected their wishes. I have a huge family my mom is the baby out of 19. The place was pack with so many people. People that loves to drink to have fun. Non of the party guests had a problem with their rules and we all danced and enjoyed our time together. They had friends work colleague there. Friends from highschool and college. Everyone came and had a great time and enjoyed their self.
Idk why people think it's required to have alcohol at a wedding. Where I'm from it's not even typical.
We had a dry wedding because no exaggeration, 1/2 of our family are alcoholics and would have been ugly drunks and I didn’t want to worry about people getting home or possible fights. No one had any issue with it, or at least didn’t voice any complaints.
A better question is why are you and your husband or fiancee or whatever the hell it is associating with people like this? You can't possibly be friends with someone and not knot no their affinity for alcohol. Do what you want, it's your wedding, but you don't get to denigrate people because they want something that you don't or they enjoy things that you don't. You claim hes a friend but but if he was that good a friend, you would know not to invite him at all because you wouldn't know how he would feel.
I went to a "dry wedding" the reason was the venue didn't have the licence at the time. After checking with the groom, we each took a small hip flask and bought the mixer. Cheapest round of drinks I every bought at a wedding before. Sounds like this friend could have been half reasonable , rather maning demands of soneone probably already stressed. they could have still had thier way and had a drink.
If the bride & groom don't drink, why the HELL should they pay for others to do so? And I agree with OP, if you can't have fun & socialize without booze, YOU have a problem!
NTA. Your wedding, your choice. Also, your money, your choice. Dude was out of line, and probably should take an honest look at his relationship with alcohol.
NTA 1. Bride said no to providing the booze not that people couldn't bring some with them. 2. Their wedding not anybody else's. 3. Alcohol isn't the only way to have fun anywhere. Lastly he was rude to her first and she didnt stand for it so she fought backhand defended her and her fiances choices for THEIR wedding
EVERY wedding I have been to with alcohol had fights erupt among the non-sober. The fact is, alcohol loosens inhibitions, which is the exact reason people want it - they are uptight, inhibited, or lacking confidence. ALL inhibitions get loosened, from the gift of gab, to freedom to dance, to being an obnoxious loud mouth that says everything entering their head, to loosening sexually and allowing, or taking without consent. Double-edged lubricant, IMO.
I don't drink, not because I'm straight edge or anything I just never enjoyed drinking. Nta in this situation, but maybe let your friend bring a bottle of champagne or something.
Mostly NTA. It’s your wedding and you stated you aren’t paying/providing alcohol not forbidding it. You are completely in the right on that. However, stating he may have an alcohol problem was probably not the most kosher way to handle the conversation. Even though you and yours don’t drink, it would be hard for you to not know that people generally do drink at weddings and it (for good or bad) has become the “norm”. Obviously I wasn’t there to hear the actual conversation and he could have come right out of the gate being a jerk when he called you. In the end, him using slurs tells me he shouldn’t get that invitation back. I hope you enjoy your special day!
People really saying YTA maybe she shouldn't have called him a drunk but they don't have to spend money on something that won't benefit them on that day. Why should a piece of their wedding debt be to get others drunk when they don't drink. That's not the trade off. I come and bring you a gift but you really paid for it with the booze you don't drink? What happened to just being their for your friends and family on special occasions. Sounds like they will have a good turn out anyway only 4 nos two because of previous commitments and 2 probably for the dry aspect. Sounds like it will/was a blast.
I don't drink either. I don't mind other people drinking at all, booze and my body don't like each other much. So I'm cool with no booze. But if she said I couldn't smoke a joint on the way I personally wouldn't go.
Anyone who says "I can't socialize without alcohol" is very probably just in withdrawal. That's why being sober sucks so much.
I drink. I have at least one drink a day. I don't do shots. I don't get drunk, but I like to drink. I would have no problem going to a dry wedding. If you can't go a few hours without a drink, then you have a problem.
I mean... I like drinking, most of the time reasonnably, can go days / week without so it's not a problem. I am just not ashamed to say I do enjoy alcohol. If someone want a dry anything, no problem! Would I have enjoyed a beer, glass of wine or a whiskey? Absolutly. Do I need it? Absolutly not.
I don't think I've ever been to a wedding with alcohol, though I don't drink so wasn't always paying attention. My parents wedding had no alcohol; it was held at her church, which was Baptist.
Its an invitation not a summons. I get some have social anxiety and a drink helps. If you don't feel comfortable, don't go. But yeah calling her and telling her she HAD to provide alcohol you might be an alcoholic and you picked the fight.
I don't get the audacity of people. It's their wedding so they can have it alcohol free. You don't have to go. Simple as that if it bothers her that much. But that would be extremely selfish.
For all their insistence that everyone servers alcohol at weddings, I have never been to one that did. It never even occurred to me to offer it at mine and most of our friends were drinkers. Not a one of them complained or left early.
If you need alcohol to have a "good time" and will turn down social events because the venue is dry? You already have a drinking problem. Alcohol is a crutch. As far as the couple having a dry wedding? Its their event, their day, their rules. If you cant put the cork in the bottle for a few hours to be with them and enjoy their special day? Maybe you should take a look at yourself and ask why alcohol is so important to you.
What about people who have social anxiety and are stressed out around crowds and strangers? And won't be able to joke around and dance with strangers without having a drink or two? I only drink socially because it helps to ease social anxiety for me. It's not about being an alcoholic or needing to get drunk to have fun at all, I just need to not feel anxious and panicky and worried around strangers all night long. That wouldn't be fun at all and it would make me try to find excuses to leave as early as possible, preferably right after dinner..
That's not really the case though. If I drank alcohol (I don't), because my anxiety is too high, I'd understand that. But the friend said that he couldn't have fun without having any alcohol. In some cases, it shows that those who say they can't go a day or a few hours without drinking, pretty much proves they have some issues. OP only said that they wouldn't provide any alcohol, and it's okay for guests to bring their own. Weddings are expensive, adding alcohol makes it worse, especially if it's the expensive kind too.
Load More Replies... Yes, though that case the reason for the dry wedding was one of the spouses was a recovering alcoholic.
Load More Replies... ESH/YTA and INFO. INFO: She said this is the norm at their dinner parties and everyone knows, but does HE know? Has he been to these parties? If he was aware of this fact, he wouldn't have had to confront her since he'd be like "w/e I'll just bring my own" or called to ask if it was okay to bring his own alcohol. YTA: If she had addressed his question properly and said "yes, it's a dry wedding, BUT people are welcome to bring something for themselves" this whole issue could've been avoided. Calling someone out as an alcoholic and saying they need therapy was rude, and in this case was likely said offensively rather than a show of concern. ESH: It's her right to have a dry wedding and he shouldn't have thrown insults at her, but she also could've avoided escalating the situation. Also.. everyone in comments is focused on him saying he "can't have fun" without alcohol, but what about him saying he can't FUNCTION without it??
BTA: Your wedding your rules, however I DO have to point out: 1) you didn't even bring up the possibility of guest being able to BYOA, the wannabe cutesy " oh dont worry about needed a taxi or uber" comment points to this. It wasn't until another poster called this out that you replied: "oh we'd never turn away somebody who brought a hip flask". You didn't mention that in the invitations. 2) he was out of line with the "how am I supposed to have fun at the wedding when I can't drink"...YOU WERE OUT OF LINE WITH YOUR RESPONSE! If this man is your friend as you claim, then you should have been more tactful with your response. Tldr: he's an a*****e for how he responded , YOURE AN A*****E, for sending a loaded invitation: you knew exactly what you were doing by failing to announce that guest could BYOB to your wedding.
I'm going with a super-soft ESH- I can absolutely understand OPs point of view about alcohol since my husband and I are not drinkers. We debated for about five minutes as to if we should have a dry wedding- not only are we non-drinkers, but several family members are alcoholics and we didn't want to enable them. However, ultimately we decided to have beer and wine served and had an open bar during the cocktail hour. Weddings are not only for the bride and groom- that's an elopement. When you involve your family and want to invite people to a celebration, you need to consider your guests as well as your own preferences. That's not to say that every miniscule thing needs to be accommodated, but if you know in general your guests are going to appreciate a champagne toast or some wine, you provide it. It doesn't mean they're alcoholics.
OTOH, this friend of OP- not only does he sound like he really does have a problem ("how am I supposed to function for the night without alcohol?"), but it's my opinion in general that people who feel they need to be intoxicated to suffer through someone's wedding don't need to be invited. I come from a gigantic Italian family with scores of cousins. When my husband and I made our initial guest list, there were so many people we would have invited that didn't know us, probably didn't care, and were only coming for free booze. We know too many people with the mindset of "I need to drink to get through this party". Weddings are special and expensive. Don't invite people who don't care. We managed to cull our guest list from almost 200 people down to less than 50 just using this metric. We only invited people who we knew were happy for us and wanted to be a part of that experience with us. I have zero regrets about doing this, even if it made us seem like AHs.
Load More Replies... Weddings & Funerals are both the same. There is always drama in both. Some just a little bit of drama, and some a lot of drama. At my age I have been to A LOT of both, and the stories I could tell. I give this an ESH.
I'm leaning towards ESH like the guy flipping out and getting angry when it's her wedding is definitely an AH move but her assumption that anyone that doesn't prefer the idea of a dry wedding has a drinking problem is quit judgy and incorrect. I'm not normally a big drinker but if I'm going to dance in public I can't do it without a drink or two not getting wasted a moderate amount of alcohol. It's a social anxiety thing. It definitely doesn't mean you have a problem. I can definitely go a night without a drink I've gone months at time. I hang out with friends without alcohol even parties and concerts. It's just dancing. If I don't have alcohol I just sit alone the whole time bored. And to all the people that say this is a problem my therapist disagrees so I'll go with the professional opinion on that one. She said plenty of people need to take some kind of medication to go to into a crowd so having a Drink or two is the same thing.
Have you ever had to pay for a wedding? They’re expensive. If the couple chooses to save money by not serving alcohol, that is acceptable. Also, please do not compare an addictive substance that can cause health issues and death to “dessert/cake”. Alcoholism and drunk people can cause death, often to innocent bystanders. Cake doesn’t.
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