Mom Decided To Dress Her Twin Boys In Two Different Colors To Tell Them Apart, Cousin Goes “Ballistic” On Her
One of the biggest fears that the parents of identical twins might have is getting the two mixed up, somehow. Internet forums are chock full of people asking how to prevent it. Well, one way to do it is to assign a specific color to each twin. So, for example, you might dress Twin One a certain way and Twin Two differently to quickly tell them apart while they’re still small. Sounds simple, straightforward, and logical, right?
Well, some people don’t think so. In fact, they believe that parents choosing their kids’ clothes might be tantamount to ‘stifling their individuality.’ One redditor, a mom to identical twins, turned to the AITA subreddit to check whether or not she was in the wrong for dressing one of her twins blue and the other green. You see, a cousin of her husband’s had accused her of ‘forcing them’ to dress how she wants. In fact, she went ‘ballistic’ and thought it was unfair to them.
Read on for the full story and how the members of the AITA online community reacted to this rather peculiar accusation. Don’t forget to share your opinion in the comments. And if you happen to have twins (or know someone who raised a pair), we’d especially love to hear from you, Pandas.
Parenting blogger Samantha Scroggin, the founder of ‘Walking Outside in Slippers,’ was kind enough to share her thoughts about children’s individuality, autonomy, and privacy with Bored Panda. You’ll find her thoughts as you scroll down.
Some parents of twins tend to color-code their clothing to easily tell them apart
Image credits: Joe Goldberg (not the actual photo)
However, when one mom did the same for her kids, a relative of hers gave her a lot of grief
Image credits: Анна Аверьянова (not the actual photo)
Samantha, from ‘Walking Outside in Slippers,’ shared with Bored Panda that, in her family, they’re all very big supporters of individuality.
“I get my kids in trouble for teasing each other. Because as long as we’re not causing harm, we are free to be ourselves in our family. This means encouraging each other to cultivate our own interests and lean in to natural talents we have,” she said.
“It also means it’s totally OK to put on a funky outfit and do a weird dance if we feel like it. I also think it’s important for kids to be taught to never demean anyone else, or make fun of the way anyone else looks or talks. There’s room for us all in this world, including our quirks,” she told us.
In Samantha’s opinion, kids should be given the freedom to make at least some decisions for themselves as soon as they’re able to.
“Choices like what to wear to school, within reason, should be left up to the kid. Allowing kids to make some decisions for themselves early on will help them become independent and confident adults less likely to bend to the whims of others,” the blogger noted the importance that this has in development.
We also wanted to get Samantha’s opinion on how much privacy kids should be given. “I feel that kids should be able to change clothes in privacy past toddlerhood, and must understand their body is their own. They should be able to keep private diaries if they choose. But I will be as involved as I need to be to know my kids are safe and making smart decisions. For example, I have a mobile app that allows me to monitor their social media chats. Keeping our kids safe is never overstepping.”
Like you probably expected, dear Pandas, the vast majority of redditors came out in full support of the mom who posted on Reddit. They stressed that it was nothing new for the parents of twins to color-code each kid. What’s more, they noted that, at that age, it’s important parents to, well, parent. It’s hard to talk about true, fully-fledged individuality and making rational decisions for oneself when you’re a year and a half old. (That happens slightly later.)
Some parents actually choose to use non-toxic nail polish to tell their twins apart. Meanwhile, others joke that it’s vital that the couple should agree to never ever prank each other by switching the twins.
Raising kids is a balance between parental guidance and respecting children’s privacy and freedom as they grow and mature. Being completely hands-off or overly domineering usually are paths best avoided (though either approach might work in some families). A mix of guidance, discipline, trust, and communication is usually the best.
Child independence expert Lenore Skenazy previously explained to Bored Panda why some parents are overly controlling and go the route of ‘helicopter parenting.’
“One thing many parents are choosing today is to keep their kids under constant surveillance, with the help of tech. Whether it’s being able to track their kids’ movements, read their browsing history, or even scan their texts, parents have all sorts of new tools to make them seemingly omniscient,” she said that it’s easier than ever before to keep track of kids, but this should be balanced out with a certain amount of respect for privacy.
“For the same reason you didn’t want your parents to read your diary, or to build a treehouse on the branch right next to YOUR treehouse, children need some space to grow into their own person,” she explained to Bored Panda.
“Kids need to know they are loved, but they also need to know they are trusted. They can’t prove that if parents never actually let them do some things literally on their own, without constant surveillance.”
The best approach, in the expert’s view, is “talk, don’t stalk” in order to create trust between parent and child.
“Try to keep the lines of communication open with your kids, and gradually give them more freedom as they get older and earn it by being responsible. Taking all independence away for their ‘safety’ is a way to teach them that you don’t think they can handle anything on their own— how deflating!—and that you don’t trust them. Would you appreciate a spouse who tracked your every move? Would you feel trusted? Love requires some trust.”
Here’s how some members of the AITA community reacted when they read the story. The mom gave some extra context, too
OK, there's 27 different coloured t-shirts; which colour do you want. Kid: I wanna donuts.
NTA. A lot of parents will dedicate a color to a child. Heck, Laura and Mary Ingalls were pink and blue, and knew what items were theirs because of that. I knew a set of nonidentical twins that were always dressed in pink and purple, and had their toys designated that way and such. Both grew up to be completely normal, happy humans. Some people just get offended over the smallest thing. Heck, even salt and pepper shakers offend some people. To each their own I guess.
In middle school I knew some twins in that did similar. But they occasionally switched things up, knowing people would take them for the other, and mess with them.
Load More Replies..."Nuttier than squirrel turds." OMG I am absolutely filing that away for later use!
As if raising twins wasn't hard enough, some knucklehead has to stick her face in your business and criticize. I'll bet she hasn't raised twins.
Heck I'm just saluting the individuality they experience since they aren't dressed the same. They won't have to feel like they need to look like each other with matching everything. Nothing wrong with matching at all but I think this will definitely encourage them to do their own thing when they get a little older
Taught 6th-grade identical twins dressed exactly the same before; also, taught 3-6-year-old identical twins dressed exactly the same before. Honestly, I like the colors because then I can use the correct name for each child. Psychologically, no one wants to be called by the wrong name. What is this cousin's reasoning?!
The cousin was a typical, "Holier than Thou." I would have told her to get stuffed~~she needs it.
Load More Replies...These kids are going to love it when they can grow up and trick people by switching their outfits, just make sure they have common sense before that!
My cousins did that to switch classes and take each other's tests in elementary school. One like math a lot better and one loved spelling tests. They would arrange to go to the bathroom at the same time and switch outfits.
Load More Replies...How about she minds her damn business and reserves her clothing opinions for her own kids??? WTH??? 🤨🤨🤨🤨
Exactly! Note to the cousin: I’m returning your nose. I found it in my business.
Load More Replies...nanny with 25 years childcare experience here. this is f*****g brilliant as someone who has had to care for identical twins on many occasions, I love it. We do not want to get me started on the mother that dressed the children exactly the same same every single day, with the exception of a light pink bow on one girl, and a dark pink bow on the other. (Or blue or green or whatever). 1. They are toddlers. Those hairbows lasted maybe 5 minutes 2. They had long and curly hair. How the f**k was I supposed to tell who's wearing a light blue bow or a dark blue bow from across the playground with 30 other kids on it? These children are very little. They don't actually care if they are color coded at this age. Their brains literally cannot understand the concept. However, being consistently called by the wrong name would confuse them and affect their cognitive development, sense of identity, and self confidence. within acceptable boundaries and limitations, the children are free to choose. There are a variety of designs and different shirts, they just all happened to be predominantly a certain color. The children have many many shirts to choose from They are being afforded the opportunity to practice limited autonomy which is exactly developmentally appropriate for their age. meanwhile allowed to keep their individuality by others being able to easily identify them by not being dressed the same I have a friend of mine who dressed her twins in pink and purple and I thought it was brilliant. And as they have very similar names, it was easy for me to remember because the child with the shorter name was in pink, and the child with the longer name was in purple. Pink is a shorter word, purple is a longer word 🤷🏻♀️ As they got older and were more easily identifiable because distinct personalities, ability to communicate their identity, and familiarity, the children were able to choose their own styles. They are absolutely thriving teenagers today. Perfectly well adjusted with strong individualism and personalities Sounds like somebody just wanted to make an issue
There’s another side of it where okay she could co-mingle their clothes but then will they later feel like they never had anything that was JUST their own that they didn’t HAVE to share with their twin? Calm down cousin, she’s not traumatizing her twins with color coding 🙄
If the color system helps and the toddlers couldn't care less, why not use that?. My sister is 3 years younger than me but there was a point where we shared a lot. Right now we have our clothes mixed and we both respect each other's clothing because there's nothing better than having YOUR stuff. Even my mom takes more clothes from me than my sister, and we still share a room (20/17 year old sisters rn)
Load More Replies...By 1 y.o. we knew our youngest son loved green over anything else. At that birthday, every gifts were green, including the one our daughter found for him (a little wooden car). From then on, he got dressed in different shades of green, with the occasional other color. When he started dressing himself, everything matched so I really didn't care what he chose, it would look nice. We did the same with our daughter who had a penchant for pink and purple, with her dresses being other colors too. I was never called out on this and wouldn't call anybody else who would. NTA. PS The youngest is 31 this year (2022) and still wears mostly green tops, but also other colors.
My sister and I are 5 years apart, her color was/is blue and mine is magenta. Bedding, ornaments, a little bit of colored thread on the toe of our socks. To this day, decades later, we can still identify our stuff. Also we can only tell our baby pictures apart by weather she’s sucking her thumb or I have a pacifier. Props to these parents. The kids will eventually let them know if they want something different, or rock there assigned colors for life!
Same. My sister is 3 years younger. I was pink she was blue. Never bothered us. My husband and his brother were red (hubby) and blue. They still know what toys were theirs, furniture and whatnot. I think its kinda cool.
Load More Replies...Ummm that's the first trick any parent of identical twins will be told = color code each kid so you can tell them apart! My ID girls are pink and green (older sister already claimed purple as her favorite)
No one told me to dress my girls in different colors but I did. I had no trouble telling them apart but everyone else did. Legitimately had no idea what the problem was until now, 18 years later, when I look back on their baby/toddler pix and realize the only way I can tell sometimes is by those colors. Often the same outfit, just different colors (purple/yellow). When I sold their clothes (ebay) I was shocked when another twin mom messaged me asking if I had more with the same colors and YELLED at me because "I aLwaYs DrEsS tHeM ExActLy the same!" ohokay maybe buy from someone else?!?
Load More Replies...This is the kind of thinking that leads to loonies thinking a one year old can change their gender
NT A. Your cousin is an IDIOT. I had twins boys. I did the same thing. There WAS no problems. And as a teacher they have no Clue as to what there wearing. Nor do they care.
My kids didn't care about their clothes until they turned 2. I also tried to be more gender neutral... My girls absolutely love princess dresses. My youngest, 26 months, has begun despising pants this week... They let you know when they have an opinion...
This is insane. Colour coding is a good way to keep little ones straight
Would she have preferred tattoos being inflicted on infants? I've heard of parents of multiples doing that.
The only time I've ever heard of this actually made sense: one twin was born with some kind of autoimmune disorder that required special medication. The parents tattooed a couple of dots on that twin's big toe. Literally just a couple of dots just big enough to see to make sure the correct twin got the medication.
Load More Replies...I am apparently a survivor of such torture, as I was a color-coded twin as a young child. It was so much less intrusive in my life that adults playing the "now which twin is which?" game, or even worse, the hybrid conjoined name. Color coding twins is a pretty good way of getting adults to see twins as two individuals rather than one unit.
While babies are little people, they're not self aware little people. I wonder how the cousin would fair in the same boat? When I was a kid, my friend had triplet baby sisters. The mom split their nursery into 3 colors, yellow, pink and purple. It made sorting and organizing a lot easier for her.
It's just none of the cousins business.. dress your kids how you want. Let your kids pick out what they want or even dress them the same for special events. It's cute. What of it? The the fact they are using different colors is huge in setting them apart. Alot of people make the mistake of dressing them 100% all the time til they're like 13. Your kids, your dress code.
Identical Twin here our parents dressed us in different colors as babies for that reason. As we got older they did dress us the same outfits and colors until we could choose for ourselves. To this day if we look at pics from like 2-4yrs old we cant tell you who is who. It is totally understandable to give your twins their own specific colors. We always joked they probably mixed us up and no one will ever know if they did for sure lol. We turned out just fine our individuality wasn't stifled. No kid at 18mo gives af about the color of their shirt. NTA
I had 3 boys, (youngest is 46) that are 18 mths apart. I got them color coded clothes too, because their clothing sizes were so close, and it worked out great, & made folding clothes MUCH easier. They never had a problem with it, and they turned out to be mentally very healthy, well adjusted, healthy men, in spite of their "colors". The cousin is giving very unwarranted advice, and needs to mind her own business, and zip it....Caring for little guys is hard enough, without nosey cousin butting in.
Omg, this reminds me of when a friend said I was confusing my daughter by using both her middle and first names. She would ignore her teacher and her teacher thought kiddo didn't understand the language. No, my dude, she didn't want to do what you asked. Friend's idea was she didn't know her name. It bothered my quite a bit at the time too
I had a hyphenated name growing up. (Legally still is) But people seriously did this to me. Insisted the second part of my name was my middle name. No, idiots, it's not. Especially since I have a middle name as well.
Load More Replies...I remember on Full House, Becky & Jesse dressed their twins in red and blue to tell them apart.
Honestly if they're young I don't see why not. When they get older of course they can pick out their own clothes but by then you'll be able to tell which is which...
Except he doesn't even wear shoes . . . and as little clothing as possible, so he has few concerns over color choices! Lol
Load More Replies...I personally think it's a bit of a douche move to always dress identical twins in identical outfits, occasionally is different. But I do not see a problem with dressing them in different colours until they develop their own tastes.
I would claim that them having separate dressers would strengthen their individuality. They know which clothes are theirs, and not their brother's.
I used to dress my daughter in the cutest little outfits, all colors, not just pink. Now that she's 7, she knows what she likes. Some days she's dirty old t-shirt and pants and rolling around in the grass. The next day she's a beautiful princess in a flowy dress...and still rolling around in the grass. The point is, I say have fun playing dress up while they're little, cause they could care less what they wear. We recently went through some of her old clothes to have a yard sale and she didn't even remember them. Even those from only a few years a ago. So don't worry, they'll start to express their opinion in taste once they learn what it is.
I HATE pink, always have. When we found out I was having a girl, I specifically asked/told everyone to PLEASE don't buy pink! Any other colors were fine. SIL bought her 10 or 15 items of clothing and every single one was mostly pink. Took pics of her wearing and then returned all of them (over $250! Too generous). Got things she could use. Then as she got older, what does she want? Everything pink. *sigh*
NTA…What does this cousin want? Them in the same outfit, and same color? They are two different individuals with different personalities. And they are just babies. If they see pictures of themselves when they are older, they might go “really mom?” We did. But it was not embarrassing. It’s what was chosen. They didn’t know what style we would prefer, and the style we have now was not available back then. Your children have no style right now. They learn that as they get older when they find themselves. All they will remember is, how happy and loved they were and felt. That’s the most important. Don’t worry about what others might say about how your raising your kids. Everyone will always have an opinion, and if they don’t like how you don’t follow their opinion, just tell them they can just start supporting your kids.
Kids that age only care what the clothes feel like. If its scratchy, ill-fitting or something about it irritates them in any way they will definitely let you know. In a few years they might have an opinion. Unfortunately, that opinion might be to wear their favorite item every single day...until suddenly they hate it & refuse to ever look at it again.
As someone who is a twin, Don't dress your twins in the exact same colored clothes. My mom used to do that when me and my twin sister were 1. She tried to do when we turned 2 and, as my dad put it, we have her the stank eye. When we turned 3, she still kept trying to do it and we outright said no. Despite me and my sister color coding ourselves, blue for me and green for my twin..🤦🏾♀️😂 I love my family but they STILL can't tell us apart after all this time.. Me and my twin sister bare 24 turning 25 in September. We walk in to a room and the first question is " which one are you?"
My cousins are identical twins (and about a decade older than you), we still have trouble telling them apart when they are alone. Next to each other or with thier family we have no problem, but alone we do. And on the phone forget it unless they call from thier individual cell phones and the caller id tells us. Im glad you have a good attitude about it, that will help you in the long run
Load More Replies...I am a twin and think this is great. When the kids are older they can voice their opinion on what they want. The cousin is the Ahole and needs to get a life.
I have 4 girls - 2 years apart each.. now that they are teenagers & about the same size, laundry especially underware is a nightmare.. so i colour coded their underware.. they choose their own colour.. sure, there are other colour, but i have to marked it with their initial..
My grandmother had 5 kids, only 2 of which were twins (fraternal), and she colour coded them until they started doing their own laundry
My cousins are triplets, two identical twins and a third fraternal triplet. We call them the pair and the spare (with love jokingly, never seriously.) When they were younger, probably all the way up to puberty, the twins looked so similar that my aunt and uncle always made sure to dress them in different colors. One was pink the other purple. And when we had Christmas or Easter all three had the same dress only in different colors. It's was cute. The twins loved it and they loved to play tricks on people by switching colors. And they also included the third when she was old enough to notice. Also I was a single kid and my mom only ever dressed me in mint green as a baby. That was /my/ color. No one was mad about that.
I did this with my girls but they were not twins. They were 2 years apart, however they looked so much alike that people would ask if they were twins, which annoyed the hell out of me because one was a taller brunette and the other a shorter ginger, green eyes, face full of freckles. The works. I would dress them the same with the exception that one would be in blue and the other in pink
when my boy/girl twins were small, we got custody of their half brother who was 2 years older than them. We color coded a lot of things for them just to make life easier for all of us. My twins were red and green (daughters name is Ivy so she wore a lot of green) and the older boy was blue. Towels, cups, plates, toys, blankets...it was all easier for THEM to know which belonged to them by knowing what their color was
My younger brothers are twins. We as siblings of course can tell them apart. When they started school on was dressed in blue one in brown and the teachers were so grateful. Mom never made a big deal of it. There was no stifling just common courtesy. They both are now over 50 and are productive members of society. Sometimes I think that we way over think things today.
That cousin is a jerk. If it wasn't for their pink and blue collars I wouldn't be able to tell my kittens apart unless they are next to each other. I can't imagine how hectic life is with two human kittens.
I also don't get why the husband's cousin is trying to lecture the wife and not her cousin. The husband would be equally responsible. I don't know any person who doesn't choose their babies clothes based off what they think is cute. We set up our babies rooms before they are born. Babies aren't going to care until they are like 3 maybe and even then it is minimal, and most parents buy things based on what shows etc a kid likes and if they express a favorite color she could always start buying that more. Sounds like a women with no children trying to tell someone with kids how to parent 🙄
NTA. You and your hubby are the parents, not her. It is not even her right to speak up about such a trivial matter as choice of clothing. If you dont put a stop to her interference, you could end up with much larger issues later on as the boys grow into their own personalities and identities. You as the parent have the right to do what you think is right for your children at any age, given it is the best positive influence on the childrens' lives and future. It seems to me that the cousin is setting herself up to be the morally and politically correct influence in your family unit which is no business of hers. This does not even approach appropriate behavior or best of intentions. She is by far the Ahole in this scenario. Good job on both you and your hubby for thinking up clever ways to give your boys individual distinguishing markers for themselves and others while they are unable to do so.
THIS LADY SHOULD TAKE HER OPINION, GREASE IT UP REAL GOOD, AND STICK IT IN HER BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE!
A parent chooses their children's clothes until they have a job and can buy their own.
And what, your cousin wants you to dress your twins alike because she thinks it's cute? In the first place, show me a pair of identical twins who actually LIKE dressing alike and being called cute, and I'll show you a little green alien in my bathroom. Did it ever occur to Cuzzie Dearest that maybe dressing identical twin in different colours is a great way to tell them apart. You don't want to know how many parents call one twin by the other twin's name, or puts them in the wrong crib, because they have a terrible time telling which twin is which. Your cousin is TA for sure, and please keep it up until at least you're used to which twin is which. I must confess that my memory isn't the greatest, so I hope I can adopt your technique for my eventual twins.
This cousin sounds like the kind of person who thinks you have to ask your baby consent to change their diaper. Probably doesn't even have kids, just opinions. If they hated their clothes you'd struggle to get them into them. When they're older they'll develop their tastes
They’re 1 1/2 they don’t know anything about fashion or style at that age I could see if they were older and u were forcing them to wear a certain outfit. This cousin needs to get a grip . Bet she doesn’t have any kids lol bc a lot of times those without kids are especially opinionated when it come to tell g you how to raise yours lol
I do a similar thing with my twin girls, but not exactly one fixed colour, but rather each outfit is clear to me in relation to the other one: D1 has the warmer or lighter colours, D2 the cooler or darker colours, and if only one wears stripes, it's D2. When there's a red and a blue outfit, red is D1 and blue is D2, when there's yellow and red, yellow is D1 and red D2, when there's a white and a blue, it's D1 and D2, and so on. They don't have separate wardrobes because we don't have the space, but it works great, even for the people at daycare. Luckily, D2 has a birthmark on her chest in case they're ever mixed up, but it rarely happens.
My brother and his wife had triplets... None of them identical, but even still, they color coded them if I remember right. Hell, my kids are 21 months apart and different sexes, but if it weren't for their clothes and my daughter's feeding tubes, we'd have trouble telling them apart in pictures.
So what!? Don't these people have anything better to do than criticize a Mom's choice of clothes! Get a life people!!!
I think, instead of justifying her actions, she should have just told the cousin that they are her kids and the cousin shld eff off.
AITA has become a thread to call out how other people are affected by assholes in their lives. It should be called, YNBTAIM: “You’ll never believe this a*****e I met”!!
Sounds like the cousin needs to mind her own business. Tell her when she has twins, she can dress them any way she pleases but please refrain from telling you how to raise your children.
My 2 brothers and myself cannot be told apart in photos unless we are all in them. We are close in age but not triplets. Mum guesses who the kid might have been by the foreigners in the photos. Parents were language teachers and had loads of French and Spanish people staying, helping out and learning English.
I dressed my youngest in every green shirt, onesie, bathing suit I could because he has brilliant red hair. When he got older, he got to choose his clothes. From pink shirts, to a dress (he used it as a night gown), to zombies and dinosaurs. Now he takes great delight in stealing his older brothers old clothes even though they're 5 years apart lol
This is what happens when people have no actual reason to get angry. They find the dumbest and most irrelevant things to say.
We did the same with my twin sisters at first. When they were babies, they had pink and yellow as their "main" colour. Once they had enough hair for it, each got their own haircut. I do not know wether it was on purpose, but the style reflected their names. L got bangs (called "lugg" in norweigian), A usually had her fronthair in a tail. Bad description, but it assosiated with her name, with the t (we called it "tust")
She says you are "stifling" your kids? The first thing I thought of was Archie Bunker. I'd have said "stifle it ..(name)" and walked away. I would never suggest being completely rude to a relative, but if they're going to be completely rude with me, then I'll reciprocate.
When some idiot starts giving their not-so-expert opinion, just look then dead n the eye and ask “Did I ask your opinion?” Do NOT engage them…at all.
Mum of identical twin girls here: yellow and pink was our theme for first two years. Nothing wrong with that, they really don’t care
My daughter was about a year old when we began to give her choices in her clothes. We'd hold up 2 outfits and ask her which one she wants to wear. I know it's pretty young but it's how we were teaching her her colors and letters. She showed strong opinions at 9 months when she started throwing outfits and calling them cucky. She's autistic and I was told that I shouldn't be surprised about it because of the way I was raising her and teaching her. She's 15 now and we are dealing with a whole new set of issues with her. I know a mom with twin girls who dressed them the same except their hair and shoes. They are night and day. Sometimes they choose the same outfits but most of the time, they choose different ones. So this lady is definitely NOT the a hole here. Her relative is.
My 2 year old daughter chooses for herself what to wear. I used try to choose for her based on the day’s weather and activities. But then I would end up with a massive tantrum that would ruin the day for both of us. She would fight and scream “take off” to take off the dress she doesnt like. So I now let choose her own clothes, and we all happy.
I'm an identical twin. My parents did the color coding thing: mine was pink and my sister's was purple. It was no longer necessary by the time we started school, but one time in our 30s, I went to visit my sister while wearing a pale pink shirt (my color) and she audibly hissed at the color....
Please explain to me in which universe your husband’s cousin has a saying in the way your dress (feed/teach/hug/play/raise) your kids? Tell her to f**k off
If I hade same-sex similar looking twins I'd be scared to mix them up so very probably I'd make marks on their skin to prevent it 😂
I'm guessing husband's cousin didn't have anyone to talk to and that's why she cornered OP and tried to start a debate. Next time tell her you don't care what she thinks and leave to get some holiday cookies.
I wouldn't have been polite to hubby's cousin. My response would have been "It's really none of your business how I dress my children." And that would have been that. As someone said above (which cracked me up, by the way), she's nuttier than a squirrel turd.
As I am aging I find that I have very little tolerance for people anymore. Family harmony be damned, I would have told the cousin to get f'd. Since she had the nerve to belittle your choice on how to dress your children, I would have laid into her with every insult I could think of. People are so entitled now days.
In the '70s my neighbor had triplet girls, their solution was to pierce their ears with colored studs. Imagine the reaction that would get now...
I'm not a parent, so may be less than well-informed, but I would think earrings would be a safety issue once the child has the dexterity (or the bad luck) to get one off and then swallow it.
Load More Replies...It's very telling that everyone agreeing with the mom is talking about other moms they know who did that, but nobody knows kids who went through that bs... Well I do. Don't do this to your kids. Seriously stop putting your own comfort ahead of your children's development. Full stop.
WTF this is actually very well known to be harmful to kids development and causes identity problems. I studied this in university and have two friends who are siblings and their parents did something similar- they hold a lot of resentment over it because it led to each of them struggling to form an identity. But sure, the people trying to bring up the facts supported by studies and literal empirically reviewed journals are 'crazier than squirrel turds' 🥴
that sounds like a you problem. atticus is a lovely name & makes me think of atticus finch from to kill a mockingbird, one of my favorite books. ezra means "to help" or "to protect"; it has way more meaning than the personality of someone who happens to have the same name. i think these are gorgeous names. you don't have to share my love for the names, but they aren't problematic names in the slightest so i don't see why you're making an issue out of it.
Load More Replies...OK, there's 27 different coloured t-shirts; which colour do you want. Kid: I wanna donuts.
NTA. A lot of parents will dedicate a color to a child. Heck, Laura and Mary Ingalls were pink and blue, and knew what items were theirs because of that. I knew a set of nonidentical twins that were always dressed in pink and purple, and had their toys designated that way and such. Both grew up to be completely normal, happy humans. Some people just get offended over the smallest thing. Heck, even salt and pepper shakers offend some people. To each their own I guess.
In middle school I knew some twins in that did similar. But they occasionally switched things up, knowing people would take them for the other, and mess with them.
Load More Replies..."Nuttier than squirrel turds." OMG I am absolutely filing that away for later use!
As if raising twins wasn't hard enough, some knucklehead has to stick her face in your business and criticize. I'll bet she hasn't raised twins.
Heck I'm just saluting the individuality they experience since they aren't dressed the same. They won't have to feel like they need to look like each other with matching everything. Nothing wrong with matching at all but I think this will definitely encourage them to do their own thing when they get a little older
Taught 6th-grade identical twins dressed exactly the same before; also, taught 3-6-year-old identical twins dressed exactly the same before. Honestly, I like the colors because then I can use the correct name for each child. Psychologically, no one wants to be called by the wrong name. What is this cousin's reasoning?!
The cousin was a typical, "Holier than Thou." I would have told her to get stuffed~~she needs it.
Load More Replies...These kids are going to love it when they can grow up and trick people by switching their outfits, just make sure they have common sense before that!
My cousins did that to switch classes and take each other's tests in elementary school. One like math a lot better and one loved spelling tests. They would arrange to go to the bathroom at the same time and switch outfits.
Load More Replies...How about she minds her damn business and reserves her clothing opinions for her own kids??? WTH??? 🤨🤨🤨🤨
Exactly! Note to the cousin: I’m returning your nose. I found it in my business.
Load More Replies...nanny with 25 years childcare experience here. this is f*****g brilliant as someone who has had to care for identical twins on many occasions, I love it. We do not want to get me started on the mother that dressed the children exactly the same same every single day, with the exception of a light pink bow on one girl, and a dark pink bow on the other. (Or blue or green or whatever). 1. They are toddlers. Those hairbows lasted maybe 5 minutes 2. They had long and curly hair. How the f**k was I supposed to tell who's wearing a light blue bow or a dark blue bow from across the playground with 30 other kids on it? These children are very little. They don't actually care if they are color coded at this age. Their brains literally cannot understand the concept. However, being consistently called by the wrong name would confuse them and affect their cognitive development, sense of identity, and self confidence. within acceptable boundaries and limitations, the children are free to choose. There are a variety of designs and different shirts, they just all happened to be predominantly a certain color. The children have many many shirts to choose from They are being afforded the opportunity to practice limited autonomy which is exactly developmentally appropriate for their age. meanwhile allowed to keep their individuality by others being able to easily identify them by not being dressed the same I have a friend of mine who dressed her twins in pink and purple and I thought it was brilliant. And as they have very similar names, it was easy for me to remember because the child with the shorter name was in pink, and the child with the longer name was in purple. Pink is a shorter word, purple is a longer word 🤷🏻♀️ As they got older and were more easily identifiable because distinct personalities, ability to communicate their identity, and familiarity, the children were able to choose their own styles. They are absolutely thriving teenagers today. Perfectly well adjusted with strong individualism and personalities Sounds like somebody just wanted to make an issue
There’s another side of it where okay she could co-mingle their clothes but then will they later feel like they never had anything that was JUST their own that they didn’t HAVE to share with their twin? Calm down cousin, she’s not traumatizing her twins with color coding 🙄
If the color system helps and the toddlers couldn't care less, why not use that?. My sister is 3 years younger than me but there was a point where we shared a lot. Right now we have our clothes mixed and we both respect each other's clothing because there's nothing better than having YOUR stuff. Even my mom takes more clothes from me than my sister, and we still share a room (20/17 year old sisters rn)
Load More Replies...By 1 y.o. we knew our youngest son loved green over anything else. At that birthday, every gifts were green, including the one our daughter found for him (a little wooden car). From then on, he got dressed in different shades of green, with the occasional other color. When he started dressing himself, everything matched so I really didn't care what he chose, it would look nice. We did the same with our daughter who had a penchant for pink and purple, with her dresses being other colors too. I was never called out on this and wouldn't call anybody else who would. NTA. PS The youngest is 31 this year (2022) and still wears mostly green tops, but also other colors.
My sister and I are 5 years apart, her color was/is blue and mine is magenta. Bedding, ornaments, a little bit of colored thread on the toe of our socks. To this day, decades later, we can still identify our stuff. Also we can only tell our baby pictures apart by weather she’s sucking her thumb or I have a pacifier. Props to these parents. The kids will eventually let them know if they want something different, or rock there assigned colors for life!
Same. My sister is 3 years younger. I was pink she was blue. Never bothered us. My husband and his brother were red (hubby) and blue. They still know what toys were theirs, furniture and whatnot. I think its kinda cool.
Load More Replies...Ummm that's the first trick any parent of identical twins will be told = color code each kid so you can tell them apart! My ID girls are pink and green (older sister already claimed purple as her favorite)
No one told me to dress my girls in different colors but I did. I had no trouble telling them apart but everyone else did. Legitimately had no idea what the problem was until now, 18 years later, when I look back on their baby/toddler pix and realize the only way I can tell sometimes is by those colors. Often the same outfit, just different colors (purple/yellow). When I sold their clothes (ebay) I was shocked when another twin mom messaged me asking if I had more with the same colors and YELLED at me because "I aLwaYs DrEsS tHeM ExActLy the same!" ohokay maybe buy from someone else?!?
Load More Replies...This is the kind of thinking that leads to loonies thinking a one year old can change their gender
NT A. Your cousin is an IDIOT. I had twins boys. I did the same thing. There WAS no problems. And as a teacher they have no Clue as to what there wearing. Nor do they care.
My kids didn't care about their clothes until they turned 2. I also tried to be more gender neutral... My girls absolutely love princess dresses. My youngest, 26 months, has begun despising pants this week... They let you know when they have an opinion...
This is insane. Colour coding is a good way to keep little ones straight
Would she have preferred tattoos being inflicted on infants? I've heard of parents of multiples doing that.
The only time I've ever heard of this actually made sense: one twin was born with some kind of autoimmune disorder that required special medication. The parents tattooed a couple of dots on that twin's big toe. Literally just a couple of dots just big enough to see to make sure the correct twin got the medication.
Load More Replies...I am apparently a survivor of such torture, as I was a color-coded twin as a young child. It was so much less intrusive in my life that adults playing the "now which twin is which?" game, or even worse, the hybrid conjoined name. Color coding twins is a pretty good way of getting adults to see twins as two individuals rather than one unit.
While babies are little people, they're not self aware little people. I wonder how the cousin would fair in the same boat? When I was a kid, my friend had triplet baby sisters. The mom split their nursery into 3 colors, yellow, pink and purple. It made sorting and organizing a lot easier for her.
It's just none of the cousins business.. dress your kids how you want. Let your kids pick out what they want or even dress them the same for special events. It's cute. What of it? The the fact they are using different colors is huge in setting them apart. Alot of people make the mistake of dressing them 100% all the time til they're like 13. Your kids, your dress code.
Identical Twin here our parents dressed us in different colors as babies for that reason. As we got older they did dress us the same outfits and colors until we could choose for ourselves. To this day if we look at pics from like 2-4yrs old we cant tell you who is who. It is totally understandable to give your twins their own specific colors. We always joked they probably mixed us up and no one will ever know if they did for sure lol. We turned out just fine our individuality wasn't stifled. No kid at 18mo gives af about the color of their shirt. NTA
I had 3 boys, (youngest is 46) that are 18 mths apart. I got them color coded clothes too, because their clothing sizes were so close, and it worked out great, & made folding clothes MUCH easier. They never had a problem with it, and they turned out to be mentally very healthy, well adjusted, healthy men, in spite of their "colors". The cousin is giving very unwarranted advice, and needs to mind her own business, and zip it....Caring for little guys is hard enough, without nosey cousin butting in.
Omg, this reminds me of when a friend said I was confusing my daughter by using both her middle and first names. She would ignore her teacher and her teacher thought kiddo didn't understand the language. No, my dude, she didn't want to do what you asked. Friend's idea was she didn't know her name. It bothered my quite a bit at the time too
I had a hyphenated name growing up. (Legally still is) But people seriously did this to me. Insisted the second part of my name was my middle name. No, idiots, it's not. Especially since I have a middle name as well.
Load More Replies...I remember on Full House, Becky & Jesse dressed their twins in red and blue to tell them apart.
Honestly if they're young I don't see why not. When they get older of course they can pick out their own clothes but by then you'll be able to tell which is which...
Except he doesn't even wear shoes . . . and as little clothing as possible, so he has few concerns over color choices! Lol
Load More Replies...I personally think it's a bit of a douche move to always dress identical twins in identical outfits, occasionally is different. But I do not see a problem with dressing them in different colours until they develop their own tastes.
I would claim that them having separate dressers would strengthen their individuality. They know which clothes are theirs, and not their brother's.
I used to dress my daughter in the cutest little outfits, all colors, not just pink. Now that she's 7, she knows what she likes. Some days she's dirty old t-shirt and pants and rolling around in the grass. The next day she's a beautiful princess in a flowy dress...and still rolling around in the grass. The point is, I say have fun playing dress up while they're little, cause they could care less what they wear. We recently went through some of her old clothes to have a yard sale and she didn't even remember them. Even those from only a few years a ago. So don't worry, they'll start to express their opinion in taste once they learn what it is.
I HATE pink, always have. When we found out I was having a girl, I specifically asked/told everyone to PLEASE don't buy pink! Any other colors were fine. SIL bought her 10 or 15 items of clothing and every single one was mostly pink. Took pics of her wearing and then returned all of them (over $250! Too generous). Got things she could use. Then as she got older, what does she want? Everything pink. *sigh*
NTA…What does this cousin want? Them in the same outfit, and same color? They are two different individuals with different personalities. And they are just babies. If they see pictures of themselves when they are older, they might go “really mom?” We did. But it was not embarrassing. It’s what was chosen. They didn’t know what style we would prefer, and the style we have now was not available back then. Your children have no style right now. They learn that as they get older when they find themselves. All they will remember is, how happy and loved they were and felt. That’s the most important. Don’t worry about what others might say about how your raising your kids. Everyone will always have an opinion, and if they don’t like how you don’t follow their opinion, just tell them they can just start supporting your kids.
Kids that age only care what the clothes feel like. If its scratchy, ill-fitting or something about it irritates them in any way they will definitely let you know. In a few years they might have an opinion. Unfortunately, that opinion might be to wear their favorite item every single day...until suddenly they hate it & refuse to ever look at it again.
As someone who is a twin, Don't dress your twins in the exact same colored clothes. My mom used to do that when me and my twin sister were 1. She tried to do when we turned 2 and, as my dad put it, we have her the stank eye. When we turned 3, she still kept trying to do it and we outright said no. Despite me and my sister color coding ourselves, blue for me and green for my twin..🤦🏾♀️😂 I love my family but they STILL can't tell us apart after all this time.. Me and my twin sister bare 24 turning 25 in September. We walk in to a room and the first question is " which one are you?"
My cousins are identical twins (and about a decade older than you), we still have trouble telling them apart when they are alone. Next to each other or with thier family we have no problem, but alone we do. And on the phone forget it unless they call from thier individual cell phones and the caller id tells us. Im glad you have a good attitude about it, that will help you in the long run
Load More Replies...I am a twin and think this is great. When the kids are older they can voice their opinion on what they want. The cousin is the Ahole and needs to get a life.
I have 4 girls - 2 years apart each.. now that they are teenagers & about the same size, laundry especially underware is a nightmare.. so i colour coded their underware.. they choose their own colour.. sure, there are other colour, but i have to marked it with their initial..
My grandmother had 5 kids, only 2 of which were twins (fraternal), and she colour coded them until they started doing their own laundry
My cousins are triplets, two identical twins and a third fraternal triplet. We call them the pair and the spare (with love jokingly, never seriously.) When they were younger, probably all the way up to puberty, the twins looked so similar that my aunt and uncle always made sure to dress them in different colors. One was pink the other purple. And when we had Christmas or Easter all three had the same dress only in different colors. It's was cute. The twins loved it and they loved to play tricks on people by switching colors. And they also included the third when she was old enough to notice. Also I was a single kid and my mom only ever dressed me in mint green as a baby. That was /my/ color. No one was mad about that.
I did this with my girls but they were not twins. They were 2 years apart, however they looked so much alike that people would ask if they were twins, which annoyed the hell out of me because one was a taller brunette and the other a shorter ginger, green eyes, face full of freckles. The works. I would dress them the same with the exception that one would be in blue and the other in pink
when my boy/girl twins were small, we got custody of their half brother who was 2 years older than them. We color coded a lot of things for them just to make life easier for all of us. My twins were red and green (daughters name is Ivy so she wore a lot of green) and the older boy was blue. Towels, cups, plates, toys, blankets...it was all easier for THEM to know which belonged to them by knowing what their color was
My younger brothers are twins. We as siblings of course can tell them apart. When they started school on was dressed in blue one in brown and the teachers were so grateful. Mom never made a big deal of it. There was no stifling just common courtesy. They both are now over 50 and are productive members of society. Sometimes I think that we way over think things today.
That cousin is a jerk. If it wasn't for their pink and blue collars I wouldn't be able to tell my kittens apart unless they are next to each other. I can't imagine how hectic life is with two human kittens.
I also don't get why the husband's cousin is trying to lecture the wife and not her cousin. The husband would be equally responsible. I don't know any person who doesn't choose their babies clothes based off what they think is cute. We set up our babies rooms before they are born. Babies aren't going to care until they are like 3 maybe and even then it is minimal, and most parents buy things based on what shows etc a kid likes and if they express a favorite color she could always start buying that more. Sounds like a women with no children trying to tell someone with kids how to parent 🙄
NTA. You and your hubby are the parents, not her. It is not even her right to speak up about such a trivial matter as choice of clothing. If you dont put a stop to her interference, you could end up with much larger issues later on as the boys grow into their own personalities and identities. You as the parent have the right to do what you think is right for your children at any age, given it is the best positive influence on the childrens' lives and future. It seems to me that the cousin is setting herself up to be the morally and politically correct influence in your family unit which is no business of hers. This does not even approach appropriate behavior or best of intentions. She is by far the Ahole in this scenario. Good job on both you and your hubby for thinking up clever ways to give your boys individual distinguishing markers for themselves and others while they are unable to do so.
THIS LADY SHOULD TAKE HER OPINION, GREASE IT UP REAL GOOD, AND STICK IT IN HER BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE!
A parent chooses their children's clothes until they have a job and can buy their own.
And what, your cousin wants you to dress your twins alike because she thinks it's cute? In the first place, show me a pair of identical twins who actually LIKE dressing alike and being called cute, and I'll show you a little green alien in my bathroom. Did it ever occur to Cuzzie Dearest that maybe dressing identical twin in different colours is a great way to tell them apart. You don't want to know how many parents call one twin by the other twin's name, or puts them in the wrong crib, because they have a terrible time telling which twin is which. Your cousin is TA for sure, and please keep it up until at least you're used to which twin is which. I must confess that my memory isn't the greatest, so I hope I can adopt your technique for my eventual twins.
This cousin sounds like the kind of person who thinks you have to ask your baby consent to change their diaper. Probably doesn't even have kids, just opinions. If they hated their clothes you'd struggle to get them into them. When they're older they'll develop their tastes
They’re 1 1/2 they don’t know anything about fashion or style at that age I could see if they were older and u were forcing them to wear a certain outfit. This cousin needs to get a grip . Bet she doesn’t have any kids lol bc a lot of times those without kids are especially opinionated when it come to tell g you how to raise yours lol
I do a similar thing with my twin girls, but not exactly one fixed colour, but rather each outfit is clear to me in relation to the other one: D1 has the warmer or lighter colours, D2 the cooler or darker colours, and if only one wears stripes, it's D2. When there's a red and a blue outfit, red is D1 and blue is D2, when there's yellow and red, yellow is D1 and red D2, when there's a white and a blue, it's D1 and D2, and so on. They don't have separate wardrobes because we don't have the space, but it works great, even for the people at daycare. Luckily, D2 has a birthmark on her chest in case they're ever mixed up, but it rarely happens.
My brother and his wife had triplets... None of them identical, but even still, they color coded them if I remember right. Hell, my kids are 21 months apart and different sexes, but if it weren't for their clothes and my daughter's feeding tubes, we'd have trouble telling them apart in pictures.
So what!? Don't these people have anything better to do than criticize a Mom's choice of clothes! Get a life people!!!
I think, instead of justifying her actions, she should have just told the cousin that they are her kids and the cousin shld eff off.
AITA has become a thread to call out how other people are affected by assholes in their lives. It should be called, YNBTAIM: “You’ll never believe this a*****e I met”!!
Sounds like the cousin needs to mind her own business. Tell her when she has twins, she can dress them any way she pleases but please refrain from telling you how to raise your children.
My 2 brothers and myself cannot be told apart in photos unless we are all in them. We are close in age but not triplets. Mum guesses who the kid might have been by the foreigners in the photos. Parents were language teachers and had loads of French and Spanish people staying, helping out and learning English.
I dressed my youngest in every green shirt, onesie, bathing suit I could because he has brilliant red hair. When he got older, he got to choose his clothes. From pink shirts, to a dress (he used it as a night gown), to zombies and dinosaurs. Now he takes great delight in stealing his older brothers old clothes even though they're 5 years apart lol
This is what happens when people have no actual reason to get angry. They find the dumbest and most irrelevant things to say.
We did the same with my twin sisters at first. When they were babies, they had pink and yellow as their "main" colour. Once they had enough hair for it, each got their own haircut. I do not know wether it was on purpose, but the style reflected their names. L got bangs (called "lugg" in norweigian), A usually had her fronthair in a tail. Bad description, but it assosiated with her name, with the t (we called it "tust")
She says you are "stifling" your kids? The first thing I thought of was Archie Bunker. I'd have said "stifle it ..(name)" and walked away. I would never suggest being completely rude to a relative, but if they're going to be completely rude with me, then I'll reciprocate.
When some idiot starts giving their not-so-expert opinion, just look then dead n the eye and ask “Did I ask your opinion?” Do NOT engage them…at all.
Mum of identical twin girls here: yellow and pink was our theme for first two years. Nothing wrong with that, they really don’t care
My daughter was about a year old when we began to give her choices in her clothes. We'd hold up 2 outfits and ask her which one she wants to wear. I know it's pretty young but it's how we were teaching her her colors and letters. She showed strong opinions at 9 months when she started throwing outfits and calling them cucky. She's autistic and I was told that I shouldn't be surprised about it because of the way I was raising her and teaching her. She's 15 now and we are dealing with a whole new set of issues with her. I know a mom with twin girls who dressed them the same except their hair and shoes. They are night and day. Sometimes they choose the same outfits but most of the time, they choose different ones. So this lady is definitely NOT the a hole here. Her relative is.
My 2 year old daughter chooses for herself what to wear. I used try to choose for her based on the day’s weather and activities. But then I would end up with a massive tantrum that would ruin the day for both of us. She would fight and scream “take off” to take off the dress she doesnt like. So I now let choose her own clothes, and we all happy.
I'm an identical twin. My parents did the color coding thing: mine was pink and my sister's was purple. It was no longer necessary by the time we started school, but one time in our 30s, I went to visit my sister while wearing a pale pink shirt (my color) and she audibly hissed at the color....
Please explain to me in which universe your husband’s cousin has a saying in the way your dress (feed/teach/hug/play/raise) your kids? Tell her to f**k off
If I hade same-sex similar looking twins I'd be scared to mix them up so very probably I'd make marks on their skin to prevent it 😂
I'm guessing husband's cousin didn't have anyone to talk to and that's why she cornered OP and tried to start a debate. Next time tell her you don't care what she thinks and leave to get some holiday cookies.
I wouldn't have been polite to hubby's cousin. My response would have been "It's really none of your business how I dress my children." And that would have been that. As someone said above (which cracked me up, by the way), she's nuttier than a squirrel turd.
As I am aging I find that I have very little tolerance for people anymore. Family harmony be damned, I would have told the cousin to get f'd. Since she had the nerve to belittle your choice on how to dress your children, I would have laid into her with every insult I could think of. People are so entitled now days.
In the '70s my neighbor had triplet girls, their solution was to pierce their ears with colored studs. Imagine the reaction that would get now...
I'm not a parent, so may be less than well-informed, but I would think earrings would be a safety issue once the child has the dexterity (or the bad luck) to get one off and then swallow it.
Load More Replies...It's very telling that everyone agreeing with the mom is talking about other moms they know who did that, but nobody knows kids who went through that bs... Well I do. Don't do this to your kids. Seriously stop putting your own comfort ahead of your children's development. Full stop.
WTF this is actually very well known to be harmful to kids development and causes identity problems. I studied this in university and have two friends who are siblings and their parents did something similar- they hold a lot of resentment over it because it led to each of them struggling to form an identity. But sure, the people trying to bring up the facts supported by studies and literal empirically reviewed journals are 'crazier than squirrel turds' 🥴
that sounds like a you problem. atticus is a lovely name & makes me think of atticus finch from to kill a mockingbird, one of my favorite books. ezra means "to help" or "to protect"; it has way more meaning than the personality of someone who happens to have the same name. i think these are gorgeous names. you don't have to share my love for the names, but they aren't problematic names in the slightest so i don't see why you're making an issue out of it.
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