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When you see a fortune cookie, it’s not the cookie you’re craving; it’s the fortune. There are plenty of baked goods out there, but how many also act as a fortune teller or pretend to be one? On the other hand, is there a better fortune teller and hidden message carrier than a tasty one? Some of these fortune cookie messages, however, are so surprising they catch people completely off-guard. 

Bored Panda has compiled a list of some of the funny fortune cookie sayings found by stunned customers to prove that Confucius isn’t behind all of them. From rude insults to questionable dares, the people who had the weird luck of discovering a funny fortune cookie definitely had a hard time swallowing them. Scroll down to read the hilarious list!

#1

He Sat And Watched Me Eat Chinese Take-Out For Half An Hour. Then This Happened

Sad black dog looking to a piece of paper

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#3

Didn't Expect My Fortune Cookie To Be So Insightful

Insightful fortune cookie message

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Fun Trivia About Fortune Cookies

There are several theories about the origin of fortune cookies. One such theory claims that fortune cookies are a purely American invention started by a  Chinese (or Japanese) restaurant on the West Coast in the early 1900s. Some state it comes from Chinese history; Chinese rebelling patriots used to pass hidden messages in pastry to avoid getting caught. Others say it copies the Japanese tsujiura senbei (rice crackers with notes inside) treat.

China tried to popularize fortune cookies but it never caught on. Today, the biggest manufacturer of fortune cookies, Wonton Food, is located in New York and has been operating since 1973.

#6

My Wife And I Received Matching Fortunes At Dinner This Evening

Matching fortune cookie message

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#7

My Ironic Fortune Cookie

Ironic fortune cookie message

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#8

My Coworker Just Came Back From Sick Leave; He Had A Heart Attack. To Celebrate We Went For Chinese. These Were In His Fortune Cookie

Four fortune cookie messages

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#10

My Wife's And My Fortune Cookies. Hers Is On Top

Funny fortune cookie messages

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And since none of the 'lucky numbers' even match, it may be time for him to hire a private investigator. :D

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#11

Just When I Thought I Got A Good Fortune Cookie

Funny fortune cookie messages

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#12

Don't Expect Much From A Cookie

Funny fortune cookie message

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#13

Well Screw You Too Fortune Cookie

Ironic fortune cookie message

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#14

My Wife And I Also Got Some Fortune Cookies

Funny fortune cookie messages

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#15

This Was In My Fortune Cookie Last Night... Should I Call Somebody Or?..

Funny fortune cookie message

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#16

Faster Than The Bear

Funny fortune cookie message

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#17

Two Fortunes In One Cookie - Aaaaand I'm Offended

Funny fortune cookie message

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#19

I Think This Wins The 'Worst Fortune Cookie Of All Time' Award

Person holding a funny fortune cookie message in his hand

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Penny Campbell
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know. I got a fortune cookie once and there wasn't a fortune in it. Someone took pity on me and gave me another cookie and it didn't have a fortune in it either.

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#20

I Think My Fortune Cookie Just Threatened Me

Funny fortune cookie message

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Tiny Dynamine
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As in at the supermarket behind the freezer before the security guard catches you?

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Who Writes Funny Fortune Cookie Sayings?

If you want to make a prediction found in a fortune cookie funny, you need a master of the craft. Surprisingly, the author of funny fortune cookie quotes for Wonton Food isn't a professional writer. Donald Lau is the company’s chief financial officer, and according to his interview with CNN, he was given this job when the company was still small and he spoke the best English among all the employees.

He proved to have a great sense of humor and was the sole fortune cookie message writer for over 30 years. In his own words, Lau doesn’t see his fortunes as real predictions. They are just a fun way to finish a meal at a Chinese restaurant. Nevertheless, in his messages, Lau tries to combine humor with ancient Chinese traditions.

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#22

The Best Fortune Cookie Fortune Ever

Funny fortune cookie message

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For some reason I always thought that "brevity is the soul of wit". :D

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#23

What A Tease Haha

Ironic fortune cookie message

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#24

How Did The Cookie Know?

Funny fortune cookie message

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The fact that it would be made specifically for you, and arrive fresh, is well worth the extra $2.

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#25

This Fortune Cookie Is Too Real...

Funny fortune cookie message

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#26

My 9 Year Old Daughter Got This Fortune, I'm Happy For Her

Sweet fortune cookie message

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#28

My Fortune Cookie Has Either Seen Or Done Some Sh*t

Funny fortune cookie message

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#29

Worst Fortune Cookie Ever

Sad fortune cookie message

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#31

Avoid Gambling, But Hey, These Numbers Are Lucky!

Funny fortune cookie message

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

None of these numbers are part of the "Fibonacci Sequence" (Golden Ratio of Beauty). Always go for good looks. ;D

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#32

I Spent 30 Minutes Trying To Get My Fortune Without Breaking The Bag Or Cookie

Sweet fortune cookie message

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#33

Which One Of You Bastards Works In The Fortune Cookie Business?

Funny fortune cookie message

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey, if you are about to use as intended, please don't forget to grease the shaft.

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#34

My Friend Got Rick Rolled By A Fortune Cookie

Funny fortune cookie message

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Tiny Dynamine
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have to quickly scroll past those lyrics before I get the song stuck in my head.

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#35

Thank You Captain Obvious

Funny fortune cookie message

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How Can You Use Funny Fortune Cookie Messages?

Apart from being just a fun message to put a smile on someone's face, funny fortune cookie sayings can be turned into an amusing dare game with tasks to complete once you’ve eaten a cookie. 

You can also turn it into an endearing tradition by leaving messages for your loved one in their pockets, notebook, or other unexpected places. Funny fortune cookie sayings will surely brighten their day and make them smile.

#37

Oops

Funny fortune cookie message

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a chance that the bulgogi you enjoyed at the Korean restaurant, at the Winter Olympics, may have been served with Man's Best Friend. Dog-on-the...951595.jpg Dog-on-the-menu-5a85a7c951595.jpg

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#38

Pretty Sure My Fortune Cookie Is Telling Me To Masturbate...

Funny fortune cookie message

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John L
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If that other 'someone' is attractive and sexy, it would be well worth the wait. :D

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#40

My Fortune Cookie Sounds Like Satan Trying To Give A Motivational Speech

Funny fortune cookie message

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#42

I Think My Fortune Cookie Just Threatened Me

Funny fortune cookie message

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#43

My Pet Is Planning What?

Funny fortune cookie message

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Vlad Horobet
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nonsense. My 12 foot crocodile is so well educated. Just look how he smiles and drools while he sees me.

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#45

The Amazingly Accurate Fortune Cookie

Funny fortune cookie message

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Vlad Horobet
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually i've stopped before the lucky numbers. Ha! *rebels away*

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#46

We Got Three Fortunes With Our Meal. I Have Now Learned All I Ever Need To Know Now In Chinese

Informative fortune cookie message

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#48

So I Heard You Liked Fortune Cookies (From Scotland)

Funny fortune cookie message

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#52

Was Looking For Wisdom And Got This... Though Very Accurate, Completely Useless...

Funny fortune cookie message

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Alia G.
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe if you had a dog named Bubbles and you were scolding them? But who could get angry at a dog named Bubbles...

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#53

My Dads Fortune Cookie Paper Has Misaligned Print

Interesting fortune cookie message

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#54

My Fortune Cookie Disagreed With Itself

Disagreeing fortune cookie messages

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#55

Didn't Expect The Same Fortune In My Second Cookie

Funny fortune cookie messages

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#56

Hungover As Hell, I Stumbled Into A Chinese Buffet And Ate Five Plates. Then I Get This Fortune

Funny fortune cookie message

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#57

My Friend And I Just Opened Fortune Cookies Together

Funny fortune cookie messages

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#58

Nice Try, Fortune. Still Not Gonna Try Anal

Funny fortune cookie message

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#60

Thought I'd Be Cool And Take The Fortune Out Of The Cookie Without Breaking It

Funny fortune cookie message

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#61

This Fortune Cookie Was Getting Really Philosophical With Me

Philosophical fortune cookie message

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Tiny Dynamine
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Scientifically it is stationery as darkness contains neither particles nor waves, as light does. Discuss. ;)

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#62

Fortune Cookie Is Eliminating The Competition

Funny fortune cookie message

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#63

My Fortune Cookie Was Rather Blunt

Funny fortune cookie message

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#65

Is This Not The Creepiest Fortune Cookie You've Ever Seen?

Funny fortune cookie message

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#66

I Got A Political Fortune Cookie Yesterday

Political Fortune Cookie message

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#67

This Cookie Really Sees The Future

Funny fortune cookie message

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#69

Of All The Possible Fortune Messages To Get Multiple Of In A Single Cookie...

Multiple the same fortune cookie message

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#71

My Fortune Cookie Fortune About Being A True Patriot

Funny fortune cookie message

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#72

Went Out For Chinese Food Last Night. How Is This Even A Fortune?

Funny fortune cookie message

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#75

Got This In My Fortune Cookie Today

Funny fortune cookie message

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#76

I Think My Fortune Cookie Is Trolling Me

Funny fortune cookie message

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#78

That's My Fortune?

Funny fortune cookie message

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#79

I Don't Like The Fortune Cookie My Wife Got For Our Anniversary

Funny fortune cookie message

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#81

Umm... Instructions Unclear, Fortune Cookie

Strange fortune cookie message

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#82

After Eating Delicious Chinese Food. My Fortune Cookie Decided To Be An Asshole

Funny fortune cookie message

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#86

One Of The Best Fortune Cookie Fortunes I’ve Ever Gotten

Confusing fortune cookie message

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