“This Is Why Dating Is Miserable”: Guy Accuses Date Of Using Him For His Money After She Goes To The Bathroom And The Check Arrives
Interview
A woman has turned to TikTok to express her frustration with a man who took her on a date, ghosted her, and then accused her of using him financially.
In the clip that has since racked up over 1.5 million views, Nik explains that she met the guy through a dating app.
Everything seemed great at first but after their first night out, the man ghosted her. When he finally came back, Nik learned that he wasn’t too psyched about seeing her again because she “excused [herself] when the check came for dinner and then also drinks.”
Believing that the whole thing was a big misunderstanding, Nik shared their conversation with the caption “this is why dating is miserable.”
After matching with a guy on a dating site, and “absolutely hitting it off,” Nik went out with him for dinner and drinks
Image credits: __nikk1
But things took a weird turn right after it
Celebrity dating coach & relationship expert, keynote speaker, and author James Preece told Bored Panda that new beginnings are tricky.
“People naturally judge far too quickly,” Preece said. “Quite often they look for reasons a person isn’t right for them rather than for reasons why they are suited. This is because deep down they are nervous about getting into a new relationship. If they are secure in themselves and clear about what they want, then they can make much better choices.”
UK’s premier dating and relationship coach Kate Mansfield agrees.
“A huge mistake that I see is where people make snap judgments to exclude someone who has great potential to be a good match too quickly, and equally where they decide that they are madly in love with someone who is not a good fit too fast as well,” Mansfield, who won relationship expert of the year 2019 with Corporate Live Wire, explained. “The solution in all cases is to take your time before making a decision, unless you have a solid reason to make that decision.”
Mansfield said that everything depends on the situation and how well those involved read it. “Someone in the middle of a messy divorce probably isn’t going to make a great partner right now, this is a red flag not to ignore if you want something serious. It’s good to know your non-negotiables, such as drug-taking, smoking, and flakiness, and to stay strong to your boundaries. This way you are protecting yourself from pain and disappointment later.”
The good news is that James Preece reassured us rash decision-making is actually something we can fix. “I see this a lot with my dating coaching clients. I remind them that nobody is perfect, and we can all make mistakes,” he said. “Until you know someone well, you are purely guessing that their behavior is a red flag. Maybe they are nervous, busy, or have other things going on in their lives. When you first start dating then you are not each other’s priorities. So, it’s important to look at the bigger picture. If problems reoccur then yes, it’s probably a good idea to end things. However, if it’s a one-off it may be more of an amber flag than a red one.”
Eventually, the guy reappeared in her messages
Image credits: __nikk1
Image credits: __nikk1
Sadly, ghosting is a big part of today’s dating. According to results from two 2018 studies, around 25 percent of people have experienced it at some point.
The rise of electronic communications and popular dating apps like Grindr, Tinder, and Bumble have seemingly made it easier not only to make but also to break quick connections with someone you just met.
Experts say that people ghost for all sorts of reasons. Here are just some of the many:
- Fear. Fear of the unknown is hardwired into humans. Some may just decide to end it because they’re scared of getting to know someone new or scared of the possibility of breaking up;
- Conflict avoidance. Humans are instinctively social, and disrupting a social relationship of any sort, whether good or bad, can have an effect on our quality of life. As a result, people may feel more comfortable never seeing someone again rather than facing the potential conflict or resistance that can happen during a breakup;
- Lack of consequences. If they’ve barely just met someone, they might feel like there isn’t anything at stake since the two of them probably don’t share any friends or much else in common. It may not seem like a big deal if they just walk away;
- Self-care. If a relationship is having a negative effect on their quality of life, cutting off contact can sometimes seem like the only way to seek your own well-being without the fallout of a breakup or parting of way.
And said that he didn’t appreciate her using him just for his money
Nik said he got the wrong impression
Image credits: __nikk1
Research shows even more nuance to the complex emotions behind being ghosted. Two studies from 2010 and 2011 suggest that a breakup like this can sting even physically, since ghosting (and rejection in general) results in similar brain activity associated with bodily pain.
Ghosting can also affect your self-esteem and negatively impact your current and future relationships, both romantic and otherwise.
So it’s not surprising that in an age where the online world is a big part of starting and maintaining relationships, being ghosted by someone with whom you’ve kept up with closely through text or social media can make you feel alienated or isolated from your digital communities.
But he refused to change his mind
Image credits: __nikk1
“Don’t take [ghosting] personally,” Mansfield advised. “Try to move on and feel grateful instead of sad—that person isn’t for you! Don’t get hung up on the ‘why’. You will drive yourself crazy. Use your energy and time exploring dating people who are into you and are not going to ghost you. Move on and keep going, don’t allow it to put you off.”
Here are some ways you can help yourself confront and accept your feelings about being ghosted:
- Set boundaries. Is it just want a fling? Or are you interested in something more? Do you expect them to check in every day? Week? Month? Honesty and transparency can help you and the other person make sure neither of you cross any lines unknowingly;
- Give the person a time limit. Haven’t heard from them for a few weeks or months and are getting tired of waiting? Give them an ultimatum. For instance, you can send them a message asking them to call or text in the next week, or you’ll assume whatever relationship you had is over. This can sound harsh, but it can give you closure and restore lost feelings of control and power;
- Don’t automatically blame yourself. You have no evidence or context for concluding why the other person left the relationship, so don’t be too hard on yourself and cause yourself further emotional harm;
- Don’t ‘treat’ your feelings with substances. Don’t numb the pain with drugs, alcohol, or other quick fixes. They are temporary, and you may find yourself confronting the difficult feelings later at a more inconvenient time, such as in your next relationship;
- Spend time with friends or family. Seek the companionship of people whom you trust the most and with whom you share mutual feelings of love and respect. The warmth of positive, healthy relationships can put your ghosting situation into perspective;
- Seek professional help. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a therapist or counselor who can help you articulate the complex feelings you’re having. They can also give you further coping strategies to make sure you come out the other side just as strong, if not stronger, than before.
In dating, as in many other aspects of life, be honest with yourself, trust your gut, and things will fall into place sooner or later.
“Treat people how you’d like to be treated,” dating guru James Preece summarized the ordeal. “It’s better to be honest and politely let someone down rather than simply vanishing. It might be hard, but at least it allows them the opportunity for some closure. If you ghost them then they’ll always be wondering what they did wrong and hoping you might pop back up again one day.”
The woman’s description of the situation went viral on TikTok
@__nikk1& this is why dating is miserable🙃♬ original sound – Nik
So she released a part two
Image credits: __nikk1
Image credits: __nikk1
Image credits: __nikk1
Image credits: __nikk1
@__nikk1 Reply to @veemoney4 ♬ original sound – Nik
Here’s what people said after learning what had happened
Why did she never question about him paying for it when she returned from the restrooms? "Well let's get the check. What? You already paid? What was my portion? I'll catch the drinks then..." And if he's complaining this much about picking up the tab, he does not have a trust fund. I work with people that have trust funds...they don't give treating friends or dates a second thought. I'm also wondering if he never left for a "business trip" but had other girls or possibly a wife he had to go home to.
That's what I thought too, why didn't she ask to cover her part? Or bought drinks at the next place after he paid for dinner? Awfully convenient she was off to the restroom every time the bill came.
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I couldn't read most of her responses as she put her photo in front of them. It's only manners to offer to go Dutch
There are cultural differences. In many cultures in Europe, it's considered extremely rude to ask someone out and expect them to pay.
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It sounds like he is confusing events from multiple dates he went on. Seems like a complete douche canoe.
A huge red flag for me is when you mess up or there's a miscommunication, and he says "I don't like it when women..." Absolutely not. Next. If you have a problem with something a woman did, you can say "it made me upset when you did this" not "I don't like when women do that." Not every woman is the exact same and you need to treat all relationships on a case to case basis. He should have said the check came so she knew and talked about it then instead of doing the equivalent of a teenager leaving a group chat for attention ❤
So much drama. People really want those 15 minutes of fame, don’t they. It’s called dating, good grief. I’ve had worse happen but I’m not gonna go on TikTok about it. It’s pretty tasteless.
Already those messages there are way too much effort to what it should be.,so I fully agree.
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If I like someone and I want to go on a dinner date with them. I gift them the date. I'm not going to set up some lab experiment where I observe and critique everything you do, just to see if you're worthy of dating my ego. My advice to this girl, RUuuuuuuuuuuNnnnnnnnnn this guy has so many self worth and self esteem issues, he's not possibly capable of nurturing someone let alone trust someone else inside of a relationship. Hope she finds Mr/Mrs right.
My lab experiment is to see whether they at least offer to pay.
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She agreed on it, or she had no saying in it at all?
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I feel sorry for anyone dating these days, it is obviously a total minefield.
Who invites a person on a date and doesn't pay?? Proper etiquette dictates that when you invite someone out ( man or woman) you pick up the bill. The occasion occured at your request! People are single, sad and lonley for a reason. Zero manners and even less consideration. Imagine someone inviting you to a football game and expecting you to have the tickets?!! And its funny how he brings up her commission so comfortably to make his point after the fact, but didn't wait for her to pay the bill at the restaurant? You're counting her pockets anyway, you know shes good for it so why pay and complain after?! Im getting gas lighting vibes.... I think you dodged a bullet babe.
Oh, for God's sake, I couldn't even read all this crap! Man ghosted you after one date? Forget about him! Why dozens of messages, explaining yourself, basically having fight with almost total stranger? He ghosted you? Fine, good riddance! I was ghosted several times and I just forgot about them. I don't have time for that crap.
No, no, it's not that he ghosted her. She got called out for not covering her part of the bill and feels the need to defend herself. That's what this is all about.
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I used to think that going dutch was a good idea, but I eventually learned that if he asked you out, you let him pay. I'm not one for archaric dating rituals (and a very independent woman) but it seems that even the most forward-thinking progressive guys judges the dating dynamic by this, even if only subconsciously.
I always offered to pay half and was always prepared to do so. Most men would do that whole "I got it" thing. But a few would let me pay for my way. I never expected it. (Same as men shouldn't expect more from a dinner date to end up minus clothing from it.) Her being ghosted means he prob had either dates set up on his trip and maybe her blocked to not disturb them. Which if he cleared his messages with her and blocked her to go on another date makes sense him not recalling their earlier convos. Trust fund people usually don't make a big deal of saying someone only used them for their money (after saying they were going on a work trip) but people without one will pull any excuse to look better than someone else.
If it was important to him for her to cover part of the bill, & she was in the bathroom when the check came, all he had to do was WAIT 2 MINUTES for her to come back to the table. He could even politely ask if she'd like to split the bill instead of being secretive about his expectations. Instead, HE made the CHOICE to pay the bill right away during the few minutes she happened to be gone; he didn't even give her a CHANCE to pay, but still assumed this was her fault & filed it away as cause for resentment. If I were on a date & the check came while I was in the restroom & my date paid it before I'd come back, I would assume he had wanted to treat me, because surely he would have waited for me to return if he wanted to split the bill, like any rational person. How could you possibly know that while you were taking a quick piss, he got the check, he paid the whole thing, & now he holds it against you?!
If he was pissed about her not splitting the bill why was he so happy and keen to see her again? They went to 2 other places after the meal and for a stroll around town. There was plenty of time to think about it and bring it up. I'll never understand why she felt the need to tell the world but I do think the guy's a bit strange. Why would he throw out the "trust fund" comment like that? Surely you wouldn't tell people you barely know about it - unless you don't really have one.
CHOICES. They each had choices at every step of the date. (and there is no way we got 100% of this story) First choice; as you're setting up the date either /or/ both state that the date is going dutch; each pays for own purchases. Second choice, she's in the bathroom, check comes, he had the CHOICE to let it lie there until she came back. He grabbed it and paid. Why? To look like The Man? Or to get laid and that didn't happen so now he's disgruntled. Second choice B; she comes back from the loo and could have asked "how much was my share", oh, yeah she didn't.
People that ghost are selfish, manipulative, and lack empathy. They only care about themselves. Learning that you worried about a person that decided you aren't worth their time is annoying at the least. These people need to grow up. Doing things you don't like for the sake of yourself and others is called being an adult. I don't associate with these kinds of people. They are only going to hurt you and yours.
I have something that fits here. Few years ago I had a date with a guy, we met at a bar, he was late. I already have my drink when he arrives. He grabs a drink for himself and feel the need to brag that he never pays for girls drink because (I don't remember exactly what he said but the meaning was pretty clear, something like) there is never "payback" (and he doesn't mean money or drinks). I'm the kind of girl who buy the drinks for both, so it made me cringe-laugh. Anyway, later we decide to grab some food aaaaaand he has not enough money to pay for his own food. I pay, I don't care. Few days later, he asked me for a second date. HELL NO. This kind of guys is so toxic, stupid and ridiculous.
“This Is Why Dating Is Miserable” Because people, like this poor little girl feels the need to publicly share text messages most likely without the consent of the guy and attempts to trash his persona all the while, seemingly forgetting the possibility that she too would look bad in doing it. I feel bad for the generation that follows who will be dating unknowing their date will be put up on social media. Pathetic.
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Ew can we stop with the "a real gentleman wouldn't expect his woman to pay" (vomit emoji) that's not equality. That's perpetuating stupid, outdated fucken 1950s ideals that a woman needs to be cared for and paid for and her only purpose is to be a trophy wife who sores on her husband/bf and gives him everything he wants all because he's the bread winner and pays for everything. Stop. Just stop. First date should always be split. Or atleast offer to split it! These broke ass women out here bitching about men not paying is holding the female gender back in the fucken dark ages. Stop this s**t. This dude is 10000% wrong n he f****d up. But no ladies. "Real men" don't buy their dates. Real men treat women equally, treat them with respect and they don't treat them like they're for sale. Stop. PLEASE!
The guy is so cheap. And why do people go to places they can not afford? if it is even a question who is going to pay for food- don't go there at the first place. Get some food from home and eat it in the park or get to a gas station for a cheap sandwich instead of being uncomfortable and looking for every piece of food calculating the price. Besides his yellow walls are soooooooo ugly and his manners look weird and he is not funny at all. Can you imagine yourself in those yellow walls with a guy who is so boring and his speech is so condescending....brrr
Dating truly is a nightmare. About a month i planned to meet with a guy from a dating site. Since we were both busy that week we could only meet on a Thursday evening. I said we could go for a walk and maybe a coffee if it got too cold. He said he preferred dinner and i mentioned I couldn't afford to eat out that week, he insisted we go and he would pay for me since we are friends. We had a great time then afterwards he asked if we could go to my place and i said i wasn't comfortable then he got mad that i used him for his money. I offered to pay him back which he refused. You really can't win sometimes...
There's so many twisted people in this world. Some try to use you to get money and some try to use their money to get you.
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I can't believe I wasted 5 minutes of my life reading this. Trust Fund Problems. People all over the world are dying of things like Ebola and mutated 'ronas, lack of food, civil wars, and toxic sludge...but let's concentrate all of our energy on Barbie and Ken not working out the way they wanted to. PRIORITIES, man.
He was probably married already, hence the disconnect for several days, then gas lighting her to get out of it. Dating can be awful, but talk to your best friend about it. Spending all that time posting it online to strangers makes you just as awful.
Agreed. Either that or lives at home - the picture of his tree does not read as "single guy living alone"
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So honestly and I really don't care what anyone thinks about it. I am old school and I expect the guy to pay if he invites me unless he says let's go Dutch. I am always prepared to pay and I even offer. But if you take me up on it first date might not be a second date. I also only date gentlemen with manners. Now if we start going out on the regular I will gladly pay my share and yours too.
I don't like either of them tbh. Glad I'm not dating anymore. I think he could have communicated better, and I think she purposely dodged the bills since she didn't ask. Most importantly, BP, stop stealing garbage posts and making them articles here, get creative again. Everything here is becoming recycled Reddit, TikTok and Facebook
Friends have been pushing me to get back into dating. I really don't want to. After reading the above, I feel like I never want to date again.
Then don't. Nothing wrong with being alone too. Just don't make it look like it's "because of the above". We know it's not.
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The dude might have actually mixed her up with someone else. Might have had 2 dates at the same place. His responses don't add up otherwise. However, girl *could* have offered to pay as well, seems like she didn't. I'm gonna go with "he met another girl he liked better and ghosted this one", then got caught up in his lies and played the gaslighting card. Yikes.
Gone to the bog or not, she is well aware that the bill has to be paid and to not raise the subject upon return and offer is just ignorant and yes, freeloading. She knew what she was doing, and that's why she's posting on Reddit to garner support from her biased account.
On at least first dates I try to pay for my meal/drink. You never know what the expectations are from the guy so it's just safer. I do wonder why he seemed so excited to go on a date on Sunday then ghosted her. He could've texted right away that he wasn't feeling it and have a good life TTFN.
Thats not at all why dating is miserable, that just means your love life is bullshit
Yes, entitled "independent" women who still find it necessary to be catered for by men are WHY dating is miserable. At least stop being a hypocrite and admit you never gave paying a second thought, since you never ASKED about the check when you were done "using the restroom".
He's clearly been used before, so when other females boast about doing this or you happen to see it in action... for the love of f**k shoot them down a level. Many girls are teaching guys to not trust them so they either have a guard up and assume you're the same or they just don't try. It doesn't help when she doesn't question the bill payment either. She may not have cause the misunderstanding but she didn't attempt to set it right at the time which would have avoided all of it. Nobody likes being taken advantage of, so whether you're male or female please offer to pay your way. To most people it's the thought that counts.
So everyone is going to ignore the fact that after he reanimated himself in her life after ghosting her, she questions that behavior because all of a sudden he wants another chance, she’s clearly not interested and THEN he manages to say that he was bothered with her from the first date. I call BS, this looks more a classic case in different words of “hey wanna go out with me?” “No sorry” “okay you’re ugly anyway”... Obviously that man was not bothered right after the date when he was texting and being sweet, or even when he was trying to go out again. Yeah she could have offered but by his initial behavior it seems like he wasn’t bothered too much at first until she said NO.
I definitely think offering and paying your part is the right thing to do. I think they both messed up not talking about who would pay and budget before hand. If I'm expecting Applebee's and the other person chooses (insert fancy restaurant here) I might assume they're paying.
What the heck happened with gender equality?I thought women were just the same as men so who cares who invited why can't the both pay?Why did she have to assume he was going to pay for everything....Why did she not ask to pay her part?2022 and still such double standards?Wow!
I don't recall it was like that 20 years ago when I started dating either, but I was never one of pretty girls so maybe that's why I had to be equal 😂, but I very much agree with you.
Load More Replies... Is it just me or does that photo (clearly edited) make her look like a Barbie doll or what?
I fullheartedly agree. Entitled "independent" women who still expect to be catered for by men are WHY dating is miserable. And you can stop being a hypocrite now, Karen. You never gave paying a second thought and you know it, otherwise the first thing you would have done after "using the bathroom" would have been to ASK how the check magically covered itself, you miserable parasite.
Misunderstanding at its best! He shouldn't been so "cheap" if he really has a trust fund and cover the dinner/drinks portion as he was the one whom planned it all. However, this day of age (thanks to gold diggers out there!) there are a lot of women taking advantage of men for free food and drinks so it's only fair if the woman offers to cover her orders. It's being polite and courteous, also it goes to show that she is independent too. Conclusion to my point, I'm so happy I have my long-term partner, dating these days (it was a decade ago last time I was single) seem to be a lot of hassles.
I think it’s only fair to pay for your own food on a first date. I mean you barely know each other at that point. And it’s common sense to ask the other party about the bill before you go to the bathroom if you’re done with your drink/food.
Plenty red flags on both sides for me thb. Way too long messaging, starting with "I'm sorry but" (yes, I get it, many people do it but in my experience it's 90% total catch on bs). When they left restaurant after bathroom she had to be aware he paid, she could have check. Simple. When be pointed it out, she could just pay it fairly and part ways, everything else is unnecessary and red flag trying to convince basically stranger your are right...
To me it seems like SHE chose the restaurant and HE chose the bar. The one who choose is the one who pays. I had an ex that would only go to expensive restaurants, and he had the job and money for it, so that is fine. But I am a student and do NOT have that much money I can go to expensive rdstaurants and I woulf be happy for a trip to mcd. Then it not fair I should pay for his expensive choice. The one who chooses gets to pay. At least if you did not make a deal of BOTH paying.
I have no prob going Dutch or even paying for the guy. but, bc I don't look like a model, guys only want to hit me up for sex bc I'm not hot enough for dinner. my boobs are big enough though for them to want to ejaculate on.
Well hello Denise, I'll take you out to dinner. Shoot me a text...747-twofortyfive-647niner.
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Solution: Always go for a drink, not for expensive dinner. Also: "I'll pay now, you pay next time".
Oh shut up.🙄 I always pay for dates if I asked the other person out and go half if it's discussed beforehand and we plan it together. Go back to the Stone Age, troglodyte.
Load More Replies... Why did she never question about him paying for it when she returned from the restrooms? "Well let's get the check. What? You already paid? What was my portion? I'll catch the drinks then..." And if he's complaining this much about picking up the tab, he does not have a trust fund. I work with people that have trust funds...they don't give treating friends or dates a second thought. I'm also wondering if he never left for a "business trip" but had other girls or possibly a wife he had to go home to.
That's what I thought too, why didn't she ask to cover her part? Or bought drinks at the next place after he paid for dinner? Awfully convenient she was off to the restroom every time the bill came.
Load More Replies... I couldn't read most of her responses as she put her photo in front of them. It's only manners to offer to go Dutch
There are cultural differences. In many cultures in Europe, it's considered extremely rude to ask someone out and expect them to pay.
Load More Replies... It sounds like he is confusing events from multiple dates he went on. Seems like a complete douche canoe.
A huge red flag for me is when you mess up or there's a miscommunication, and he says "I don't like it when women..." Absolutely not. Next. If you have a problem with something a woman did, you can say "it made me upset when you did this" not "I don't like when women do that." Not every woman is the exact same and you need to treat all relationships on a case to case basis. He should have said the check came so she knew and talked about it then instead of doing the equivalent of a teenager leaving a group chat for attention ❤
So much drama. People really want those 15 minutes of fame, don’t they. It’s called dating, good grief. I’ve had worse happen but I’m not gonna go on TikTok about it. It’s pretty tasteless.
Already those messages there are way too much effort to what it should be.,so I fully agree.
Load More Replies... If I like someone and I want to go on a dinner date with them. I gift them the date. I'm not going to set up some lab experiment where I observe and critique everything you do, just to see if you're worthy of dating my ego. My advice to this girl, RUuuuuuuuuuuNnnnnnnnnn this guy has so many self worth and self esteem issues, he's not possibly capable of nurturing someone let alone trust someone else inside of a relationship. Hope she finds Mr/Mrs right.
My lab experiment is to see whether they at least offer to pay.
Load More Replies... She agreed on it, or she had no saying in it at all?
Load More Replies... I feel sorry for anyone dating these days, it is obviously a total minefield.
Who invites a person on a date and doesn't pay?? Proper etiquette dictates that when you invite someone out ( man or woman) you pick up the bill. The occasion occured at your request! People are single, sad and lonley for a reason. Zero manners and even less consideration. Imagine someone inviting you to a football game and expecting you to have the tickets?!! And its funny how he brings up her commission so comfortably to make his point after the fact, but didn't wait for her to pay the bill at the restaurant? You're counting her pockets anyway, you know shes good for it so why pay and complain after?! Im getting gas lighting vibes.... I think you dodged a bullet babe.
Oh, for God's sake, I couldn't even read all this crap! Man ghosted you after one date? Forget about him! Why dozens of messages, explaining yourself, basically having fight with almost total stranger? He ghosted you? Fine, good riddance! I was ghosted several times and I just forgot about them. I don't have time for that crap.
No, no, it's not that he ghosted her. She got called out for not covering her part of the bill and feels the need to defend herself. That's what this is all about.
Load More Replies... I used to think that going dutch was a good idea, but I eventually learned that if he asked you out, you let him pay. I'm not one for archaric dating rituals (and a very independent woman) but it seems that even the most forward-thinking progressive guys judges the dating dynamic by this, even if only subconsciously.
I always offered to pay half and was always prepared to do so. Most men would do that whole "I got it" thing. But a few would let me pay for my way. I never expected it. (Same as men shouldn't expect more from a dinner date to end up minus clothing from it.) Her being ghosted means he prob had either dates set up on his trip and maybe her blocked to not disturb them. Which if he cleared his messages with her and blocked her to go on another date makes sense him not recalling their earlier convos. Trust fund people usually don't make a big deal of saying someone only used them for their money (after saying they were going on a work trip) but people without one will pull any excuse to look better than someone else.
If it was important to him for her to cover part of the bill, & she was in the bathroom when the check came, all he had to do was WAIT 2 MINUTES for her to come back to the table. He could even politely ask if she'd like to split the bill instead of being secretive about his expectations. Instead, HE made the CHOICE to pay the bill right away during the few minutes she happened to be gone; he didn't even give her a CHANCE to pay, but still assumed this was her fault & filed it away as cause for resentment. If I were on a date & the check came while I was in the restroom & my date paid it before I'd come back, I would assume he had wanted to treat me, because surely he would have waited for me to return if he wanted to split the bill, like any rational person. How could you possibly know that while you were taking a quick piss, he got the check, he paid the whole thing, & now he holds it against you?!
If he was pissed about her not splitting the bill why was he so happy and keen to see her again? They went to 2 other places after the meal and for a stroll around town. There was plenty of time to think about it and bring it up. I'll never understand why she felt the need to tell the world but I do think the guy's a bit strange. Why would he throw out the "trust fund" comment like that? Surely you wouldn't tell people you barely know about it - unless you don't really have one.
CHOICES. They each had choices at every step of the date. (and there is no way we got 100% of this story) First choice; as you're setting up the date either /or/ both state that the date is going dutch; each pays for own purchases. Second choice, she's in the bathroom, check comes, he had the CHOICE to let it lie there until she came back. He grabbed it and paid. Why? To look like The Man? Or to get laid and that didn't happen so now he's disgruntled. Second choice B; she comes back from the loo and could have asked "how much was my share", oh, yeah she didn't.
People that ghost are selfish, manipulative, and lack empathy. They only care about themselves. Learning that you worried about a person that decided you aren't worth their time is annoying at the least. These people need to grow up. Doing things you don't like for the sake of yourself and others is called being an adult. I don't associate with these kinds of people. They are only going to hurt you and yours.
I have something that fits here. Few years ago I had a date with a guy, we met at a bar, he was late. I already have my drink when he arrives. He grabs a drink for himself and feel the need to brag that he never pays for girls drink because (I don't remember exactly what he said but the meaning was pretty clear, something like) there is never "payback" (and he doesn't mean money or drinks). I'm the kind of girl who buy the drinks for both, so it made me cringe-laugh. Anyway, later we decide to grab some food aaaaaand he has not enough money to pay for his own food. I pay, I don't care. Few days later, he asked me for a second date. HELL NO. This kind of guys is so toxic, stupid and ridiculous.
“This Is Why Dating Is Miserable” Because people, like this poor little girl feels the need to publicly share text messages most likely without the consent of the guy and attempts to trash his persona all the while, seemingly forgetting the possibility that she too would look bad in doing it. I feel bad for the generation that follows who will be dating unknowing their date will be put up on social media. Pathetic.
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Ew can we stop with the "a real gentleman wouldn't expect his woman to pay" (vomit emoji) that's not equality. That's perpetuating stupid, outdated fucken 1950s ideals that a woman needs to be cared for and paid for and her only purpose is to be a trophy wife who sores on her husband/bf and gives him everything he wants all because he's the bread winner and pays for everything. Stop. Just stop. First date should always be split. Or atleast offer to split it! These broke ass women out here bitching about men not paying is holding the female gender back in the fucken dark ages. Stop this s**t. This dude is 10000% wrong n he f****d up. But no ladies. "Real men" don't buy their dates. Real men treat women equally, treat them with respect and they don't treat them like they're for sale. Stop. PLEASE!
The guy is so cheap. And why do people go to places they can not afford? if it is even a question who is going to pay for food- don't go there at the first place. Get some food from home and eat it in the park or get to a gas station for a cheap sandwich instead of being uncomfortable and looking for every piece of food calculating the price. Besides his yellow walls are soooooooo ugly and his manners look weird and he is not funny at all. Can you imagine yourself in those yellow walls with a guy who is so boring and his speech is so condescending....brrr
Dating truly is a nightmare. About a month i planned to meet with a guy from a dating site. Since we were both busy that week we could only meet on a Thursday evening. I said we could go for a walk and maybe a coffee if it got too cold. He said he preferred dinner and i mentioned I couldn't afford to eat out that week, he insisted we go and he would pay for me since we are friends. We had a great time then afterwards he asked if we could go to my place and i said i wasn't comfortable then he got mad that i used him for his money. I offered to pay him back which he refused. You really can't win sometimes...
There's so many twisted people in this world. Some try to use you to get money and some try to use their money to get you.
Load More Replies... I can't believe I wasted 5 minutes of my life reading this. Trust Fund Problems. People all over the world are dying of things like Ebola and mutated 'ronas, lack of food, civil wars, and toxic sludge...but let's concentrate all of our energy on Barbie and Ken not working out the way they wanted to. PRIORITIES, man.
He was probably married already, hence the disconnect for several days, then gas lighting her to get out of it. Dating can be awful, but talk to your best friend about it. Spending all that time posting it online to strangers makes you just as awful.
Agreed. Either that or lives at home - the picture of his tree does not read as "single guy living alone"
Load More Replies... So honestly and I really don't care what anyone thinks about it. I am old school and I expect the guy to pay if he invites me unless he says let's go Dutch. I am always prepared to pay and I even offer. But if you take me up on it first date might not be a second date. I also only date gentlemen with manners. Now if we start going out on the regular I will gladly pay my share and yours too.
I don't like either of them tbh. Glad I'm not dating anymore. I think he could have communicated better, and I think she purposely dodged the bills since she didn't ask. Most importantly, BP, stop stealing garbage posts and making them articles here, get creative again. Everything here is becoming recycled Reddit, TikTok and Facebook
Friends have been pushing me to get back into dating. I really don't want to. After reading the above, I feel like I never want to date again.
Then don't. Nothing wrong with being alone too. Just don't make it look like it's "because of the above". We know it's not.
Load More Replies... The dude might have actually mixed her up with someone else. Might have had 2 dates at the same place. His responses don't add up otherwise. However, girl *could* have offered to pay as well, seems like she didn't. I'm gonna go with "he met another girl he liked better and ghosted this one", then got caught up in his lies and played the gaslighting card. Yikes.
Gone to the bog or not, she is well aware that the bill has to be paid and to not raise the subject upon return and offer is just ignorant and yes, freeloading. She knew what she was doing, and that's why she's posting on Reddit to garner support from her biased account.
On at least first dates I try to pay for my meal/drink. You never know what the expectations are from the guy so it's just safer. I do wonder why he seemed so excited to go on a date on Sunday then ghosted her. He could've texted right away that he wasn't feeling it and have a good life TTFN.
Thats not at all why dating is miserable, that just means your love life is bullshit
Yes, entitled "independent" women who still find it necessary to be catered for by men are WHY dating is miserable. At least stop being a hypocrite and admit you never gave paying a second thought, since you never ASKED about the check when you were done "using the restroom".
He's clearly been used before, so when other females boast about doing this or you happen to see it in action... for the love of f**k shoot them down a level. Many girls are teaching guys to not trust them so they either have a guard up and assume you're the same or they just don't try. It doesn't help when she doesn't question the bill payment either. She may not have cause the misunderstanding but she didn't attempt to set it right at the time which would have avoided all of it. Nobody likes being taken advantage of, so whether you're male or female please offer to pay your way. To most people it's the thought that counts.
So everyone is going to ignore the fact that after he reanimated himself in her life after ghosting her, she questions that behavior because all of a sudden he wants another chance, she’s clearly not interested and THEN he manages to say that he was bothered with her from the first date. I call BS, this looks more a classic case in different words of “hey wanna go out with me?” “No sorry” “okay you’re ugly anyway”... Obviously that man was not bothered right after the date when he was texting and being sweet, or even when he was trying to go out again. Yeah she could have offered but by his initial behavior it seems like he wasn’t bothered too much at first until she said NO.
I definitely think offering and paying your part is the right thing to do. I think they both messed up not talking about who would pay and budget before hand. If I'm expecting Applebee's and the other person chooses (insert fancy restaurant here) I might assume they're paying.
What the heck happened with gender equality?I thought women were just the same as men so who cares who invited why can't the both pay?Why did she have to assume he was going to pay for everything....Why did she not ask to pay her part?2022 and still such double standards?Wow!
I don't recall it was like that 20 years ago when I started dating either, but I was never one of pretty girls so maybe that's why I had to be equal 😂, but I very much agree with you.
Load More Replies... Is it just me or does that photo (clearly edited) make her look like a Barbie doll or what?
I fullheartedly agree. Entitled "independent" women who still expect to be catered for by men are WHY dating is miserable. And you can stop being a hypocrite now, Karen. You never gave paying a second thought and you know it, otherwise the first thing you would have done after "using the bathroom" would have been to ASK how the check magically covered itself, you miserable parasite.
Misunderstanding at its best! He shouldn't been so "cheap" if he really has a trust fund and cover the dinner/drinks portion as he was the one whom planned it all. However, this day of age (thanks to gold diggers out there!) there are a lot of women taking advantage of men for free food and drinks so it's only fair if the woman offers to cover her orders. It's being polite and courteous, also it goes to show that she is independent too. Conclusion to my point, I'm so happy I have my long-term partner, dating these days (it was a decade ago last time I was single) seem to be a lot of hassles.
I think it’s only fair to pay for your own food on a first date. I mean you barely know each other at that point. And it’s common sense to ask the other party about the bill before you go to the bathroom if you’re done with your drink/food.
Plenty red flags on both sides for me thb. Way too long messaging, starting with "I'm sorry but" (yes, I get it, many people do it but in my experience it's 90% total catch on bs). When they left restaurant after bathroom she had to be aware he paid, she could have check. Simple. When be pointed it out, she could just pay it fairly and part ways, everything else is unnecessary and red flag trying to convince basically stranger your are right...
To me it seems like SHE chose the restaurant and HE chose the bar. The one who choose is the one who pays. I had an ex that would only go to expensive restaurants, and he had the job and money for it, so that is fine. But I am a student and do NOT have that much money I can go to expensive rdstaurants and I woulf be happy for a trip to mcd. Then it not fair I should pay for his expensive choice. The one who chooses gets to pay. At least if you did not make a deal of BOTH paying.
I have no prob going Dutch or even paying for the guy. but, bc I don't look like a model, guys only want to hit me up for sex bc I'm not hot enough for dinner. my boobs are big enough though for them to want to ejaculate on.
Well hello Denise, I'll take you out to dinner. Shoot me a text...747-twofortyfive-647niner.
Load More Replies... Solution: Always go for a drink, not for expensive dinner. Also: "I'll pay now, you pay next time".
Oh shut up.🙄 I always pay for dates if I asked the other person out and go half if it's discussed beforehand and we plan it together. Go back to the Stone Age, troglodyte.
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