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Someone Wanted To Know: “When Did You Realize Your Family Wasn’t Like Other Families?“, And 30 Delivered
Our world is remarkably diverse; different cultures, beliefs, religions and unique personalities. Every one of us has an individual life goal, and we enjoy things that some might not even dare to try.
Nearly 8 billion individuals are currently walking on the same earth, yet you won't find a person identical to you. The same goes for families – they all come in different sizes, structures and environments.
"When did you realize your family wasn’t like other families?" – this online user turned to one of the most informative subreddits to find out how others discovered that their family was, perhaps, a little atypical. The question has managed to receive just over 2K upvotes and 1.4K worth of comments discussing their relatives.
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When all of my friends wanted to hangout at my house. It was something that I came to appreciate too late in life and with my family I am killing myself to replicate. I may have grown up poor in a wealthy area, but my home was always filled with love and attention from my parents who were good parents. All of my friends spent their teenage years as latch key kids, and always wanted to hangout at my place. I never understood it, and always wanted to get out of the house, but sure enough I was always hanging out with people at my place.
It really struck home for me in my mid twenties when I ran into someone from high school I would hang out with. They almost immediately checked on how my family, made sure my parents were doing good, and stuff like that. I asked about his family and he gave me a brief update and kind of explained how his family was more like friends and my family was more like family. Many of my high school friends found my parents of Facebook and still keep in touch with them. My parents have helped save multiple marriages, give a lot of parenting advice to my old friends, and are god parents to basically a small army.
This describes my home. I remember coming home from school and finding my friends there before me, talking to my mom over snacks. I have a deep appreciation for my parents caring for so many people. They did their best to make our home a safe haven for others.
Years ago, a woman wrote in to Readers Digest to tell a story about her kid, and his best friend. Mom was a single mom, recently divorced, she and her son were "on the wrong side of the tracks." When Son starts HS, he immediately befriends a boy whose parents have all the advantages--nice clothes, nice cars (Son had one of his own), nice house, the whole bit. "Wrong side" Mom wonders why Wealthy Kid wants to spend so much time at their place. One day, after Wealthy Kid leaves, Mom asks Son about it. "Well, Mom, it's like this. He has a lot of environment, but not much love. I have a lot of love, but not much environment." Mom never forgot that, and always treated Wealthy Kid like he was her own son.
My house was the hangout house. Everyone loved my parents and called them mum and dad too. They just didn't know that when everyone left, they'd fight like cat and dog whilst we hid in our rooms. They stayed together for 40 years and pretty much fought every single day. You never know what goes on behind closed doors.
I had kinda the same thing. I tell my parents and especially my mom EVERYTHING. From a young age I've never had any secrets and we wouldn't yell at our house. We talked. It's not that I never got in trouble, they were strict enough but they wouldn't yell at me ever, they told me why it was wrong or why they said no to something. My friends also know that if they tell me a secret my mom will know 😆 but that she never judges anyone and won't tell anyone either 🤷🏻♀️ my house was a safe place for not just me but anyone there 🤗
My Nan and Granddad were the same, I can remember vividly all the farm workers at the huge dinning room table at Breakfast, lunch and dinner and she would welcome reps and drivers in for tea and cakes or set another place at the table at meal times. Grandad was a Farm Manager but he was one of the men he would discuss different fields with workers who had lived their lives on the land and my Nan was always known as Nanny Beryl. Often meet friends today who reminisce she was a Nan to everyone she met.
It took me a long time to realise what an awesome family I had. I was lucky enough to grow up with a loving, supportive extended family that have always and continue to do so, made me feel as though that no matter where I was in the world, no matter what the trouble I was in, one of them would always be there for me. As an added bonus we actually like each other and enjoy spending time together. There is something really special in having that sort of safety and security in your life.
I was one of eight. Our house was a neighborhood hub of our friends. I kid you not when I say they considered our mom a closer friend to them than we were.
I always had "lost boys" at my house. Kids from horribly broken homes, many of whom were abused (only physically, as far as I know). There was always a warm meal, a shower if needed & sleeping bags when they were afraid to go home. Yeah, call the cops - I'd be more than happy to explain why your 13 y/o prefers my house to yours. I'm still in touch with most of them - 35 years later.
And just like that I realized my mental health is not okay enough to read the rest of these. 😔
Awww... this is exactly how I like to make my home feel to my kids friends. I grew up with a single mom who worked full time, and feel this. A lot of my daughters friends have hard home lives, and we have a big open door policy here. We do big dinners where I teach them all to cook, movie nights in the backyard...I basically try to give them all the childhood I didn't have.
...couple that would call up and ask if they could spend the weekend with us. i told them we were just a couple of old farts watching tv or gardening, etc but they didn't care. in they would come with a backpack and we would just hang out. i really didn't realize at the time that i was giving something that some of these kids didn't have: an adult that was concerned about them. i don't know if their parents ever resented me or not. i do know that one kid stayed about a week with us and finally asked him if he had called his house to tell them where he was. he told me that it was fine, they knew where he was and it was better here. broke my heart hearing that. so, if you are a parent and can handle the noise and craziness that comes with a bunch of teens, open your home. you never know the impact you give just being there. it wasn't like i hung out with the group because i didn't. loved every single one of them - even the one that stole the beer and wasn't allowed back into the house.
i relate to this very much. when my kid was growing up i knew that many of his friends were either latch key or their homes weren't what i would consider supervised. so, i just make it known to him that his friends were always welcomed but they had to follow my very limited rules: no smoking/drinking; don't break my house; be respectful; be kind to my dogs. oh, and one for fun just to see if they would follow it: if you have a penis-no earrings. i always had a houseful of kids. on weekends i would make up to 100 burritos/hamburgers/etc, to put in the freezer if they got hungry. didn't label them-you eat what you get & they thought that was funny. as they would arrive they would take out their earrings & pocket them. only one was ever kicked from the house for sneaking a beer from the fridge. he was a good kid & i liked him but rules were rules. his mom called to get me to change my mind because he was so bummed but nope-rules & consequence. after my son went off to college i had a....
Same here. All of my girlfriends wanted to hang out at my house on the weekends for sleepovers. They'd stay up all night talking with my grandma (who was only 32 when I was born). They knew they could ask her about anything and she'd give them an honest, non-judgmental answer. Needless to say, they asked her about boys and sex, a lot. Besides, she'd make a jug of margaritas.
This could be my story as I recall from 1950 - 1963 - 5 kids, cash poor and always somebody's friend or friends would be at the dinner table. Mom always said she was never surprised when she had extras at the breakfast table. Everyone wanted to hang at our house, even though their houses were a Hell of a lot nicer than ours. BUT if anyone was mean, nasty or disrespectful they could never come back.
My friends were really surprised when I told them that my family didn’t care how well I did in school as long as I tried my best and was healthy. It was then that I realised how lucky I was to have them
I was always amazed and envious when I encountered families that actually liked each other and wanted to spend time together rather than looking for ways to be somewhere else.
In 9th grade, my friends held an intervention for me after I came into school crying again. They made me go to the counselor.
They told me to just give some recent examples of stuff my parents said to me.
After 30 minutes of this, I was crying, of course. But what boggled my mind was that *everyone else* in the room was sobbing too. A half dozen other 15 year old girls, and the 30something school counselor.
That was the first time I realized that maybe I didn't deserve it when my parents were mean to me.
I remember sitting with a friend at her kitchen table when we were about 16. We were quietly discussing what we were going to do when we got to go on Senior Skip Day. Her mom came into the kitchen and she asked her mom what she thought about our plans for the day. Her mom gave her opinion on the choices and turned and left the kitchen. I can still remember the look on my face and how wide my mouth dropped open. It wouldn't have mattered one iota that it was a tradition done every year and the staff turned a blind eye to it, there was no way I could discuss anything like that with my parents without severe emotional and/or physical repercussions. Good people but strictly, spare the rod spoil the child; children are to be seen and not heard; do as I say do not as I do; don't talk back to me; I'll give you something to cry about; parents. That someone could talk that openly and trustingly with their parents without fear of reprisal shocked me to my core.
My dad was a stay at home dad and my mom was the breadwinner. At school whenever I was sick/needed to be picked up/any other issue, they would tell me they would “call Mom” but I would insist they not bother her at work and call my dad who was at home and available to get me. Stay at home dads are rare I guess
I remember me and my little sister would have been about 6 and 8. We sat at the top of the stairs, listening to our parents argue, made ourselves dinner and put ourselves to bed.
And she said ‘it’s like we’re their mummy and daddy’ and that memory breaks my heart a bit.
When my husband told me his mom was the only person that cleaned up while her “boys” went outside after meals.
I was raised by my parents to do the dishes but also to expect help from everybody in the house. My reproductive parts don’t dictate who cleans. My parents raised three women to say “FU to misogyny”. I have 2 girls and a son now and I made it painfully clear that our children will all know they are more than what his parents raised him to believe.
When my friends wouldn't hide when their parents came home - in fact they'd go greet them.
To say I was shocked after years of isolation without being in any house but my own is an understatement.
When I was at a friend's house and his mother told me to not say the "N" word because it was a bad word to say.
I didn't know, I had heard it all my life. this was in the late 70's.
I'm glad you were calmly educated, not shamed or yelled at and really took it to heart. Not always possible, but maybe the best way to work against prejudices.
Our parents would give my brother and me "the silent treatment":
They wouldn't speak to us for hours or days at a time, and *never* tell us what they were upset about.
Their goal was to make us feel guilty and ashamed without ever actually making clear what we had supposedly done wrong.
All of the arguing. My parents would have all-out screaming matches in front of us, complete with my dad throwing s**t or breaking things (most infamously, an ornate vase that my mom was given by her late grandmother). I was too young to know anything else, and would always end up hiding in my closet with my baby brother until things had cooled off. In hindsight it makes my heart hurt to remember how scared we were.
My family shows each other love through playful mockery, sarcasm, and arguing loudly about things that don't matter.
Try doing that as your default when you meet new people.
I was born to a strong, independent single mom. My father passed away of ALS when I was infant. My mom never remarried. I realized from a pretty young age my family situation was not like most. Like my mom treated me more like a friend than a son. She gave serious credence to my opinions and let me do basically whatever I wanted so long as it wasn't illegal or cruel.
Major kudos to all those single parents out there. Your job is hard and tiresome but so many of you do such an amazing job!
When I realized some kids are excited to see their
Dad come home from work. As opposed to me and my brother going to our rooms and shutting our doors when we heard the garage open
My Mom was a hoarder. I hated for my friends and boyfriends to come in my house but her and my step dad insisted. I was treated like trash because everyone knew what a filthy place I lived in. People would say why don’t y’all clean that place up? Well, because hoarders won’t let you clean it up. Every time, we tried, she would throw a huge fit, so we stopped trying.
I remember many many times being woke up in the early wee hours of the morning, and being outside, regardless of the weather, digging through garbage bags because I made the mistake of trying to clean the house and threw out some minuscule, ridiculous piece of paper that she just HAD TO HAVE IMMEDIATELY! Or her scissors were missing. Or either parent couldn't find something in the hoard and I had to find it for them because I was the oldest and they couldn't find it because I must have touched it. Did I mention I still had to go to school later that day?
when I realized that other families tell each other they love each other lmao.
When I stopped homeschooling and I met other kids that weren't afraid of their parents.
As a kid my friends used to tell me my mom (adopted single no A father) hated me. I never really understood why until I processed the trauma she caused me as an adult. That it wasn't normal to always be blamed for everything, told how much she wished she never adopted me, never being hug loved on or any affection, or A home cooked meal. I thank every day for my Pappaw as he was the only one I felt truly believed in me. I left home at 13 an haven't looked back.
I’m genuinely so mad and confused. It’s such a massive process to adopt. Like it’s not a last minute decision that you made, you are made completely aware of the responsibilities that fall on you as a parent. If you can live up to that standard, why have kids? Why adopt?
The first time was when I heard my friend in college tell his dad he loved him at the end of a phone call. My dad has said it to me maybe three times in my life.
Real eye-opener was in therapy when I realized I never felt true love or even support or compassion from them. Cutting them off was easy because I was never made to feel like I was allowed to need help from either of my parents after the age of maybe twelve.
I wish I could empathize with how my wife feels about missing her dad (he died very young). I'm as supportive and helpful as I can be, but I have no strong feelings about the idea of never seeing my parents again.
It’s very lovely of you to be so supportive to your wife even though you don’t truly understand her feelings, so good on you for that! Hopefully your new family can provide you with lots of love and your cared for
My friend talked back to his mom so casually and I thought that she was gonna do something but she didn’t.
If I talked back to my mom I would’ve gotten the belt
When a guest or whoever it is joins us for an evening and at some point through the night you look over to them and they're sitting in their seat just staring around the room, a look of confusion and shock on their face while trying to figure out wtf is going on and attempting to make sense of things.
For context when I say my family I'm including aunties, uncles and cousins. We get together once a week at my grandmother's house and it can get pretty overwhelming if you're not used to it. There's about 30 of us in total. The youngest person is 2 y.o and the eldest is 82
When I got to college and most of my friends parents were divorced. That was an eye opener. A lot of people were astounded my parents were still married and a lot assumed they were divorced around the holidays. It was wild coming from my parents who have been together for 40 years and my grandparents who were together for 73.
We never eat at the dinner table ever
Yeah it was so rare for me that I still don't eat at the table. Kinda makes me sad
When my friend’s mom talked to him about something he did wrong instead of smacking him around and getting yelled at.
Growing up I thought every family had “the naughty corner” lol. Still better than be hit
When I found out that it was not normal that all parents drive around their kids, take them to soccer practice, to friends' houses, fetch them at the bus stop when it's cold outside and the next bus takes over 30 minutes to arrive, fetch them at 3 am from a party, things like that. Made me appreciate my parents even more.
My parents are like this…..except I’m a introvert and barely go anywhere lmao so I’m easy for them. My siblings however…..
When I started my own family. My girlfriends family are all so close ,they always have big birthdays and everyone's there, they call each other and show concern when somethings wrong , they help us out even when we don't ask , even ask me how everything's going in my life and how's work and what not. I never got that from anyone in my family not even a simple" I love you"
i can’t remember what he was talking about but when a teacher in middle school said “it’s not like they’re going to announce over the intercom “so and do’s dad is drunk on school premises please send them down to the office” and all the other kids laughed like it was a joke but it was an actual fear of mine
This was my primary motivation for getting sober when I got pregnant with my daughter. I'm absolutely at peace with the fact that dancing to the grocery store music is embarrassing, but my kids seeing first hand the dumb (and often dangerous) behavior of drunk me is not something I want them to experience.
Around the age of 11. My mother passed away when i was 9 and i found out she had cheated on her husband(my dad)and than she was pregnant with me. (She already had other kids with him) When i was around 4-5 she left him for my biological father(just that kind of selfish jerk with anger issues..) and after she died we had to do DNA test and it turned out the person i loved the most wasn't even my "real" dad.. i can't even imagine how he had to feel. And from that time i wasn't able to see him that much, but the side of family, of my biological father hate me so much(mainly his mother) we had to live here for 2 years and she really did let me know that no one wanted me to be alive and i just ruined everything by being born..
Family dinners last no longer than 10 minutes, including holidays.
Conversations don't really sound genuine and insightful. More like, just acknowledging eachother's existences.
No natural bonding over anything, everything feels forced.
Not very inclusive in any degree, just feels like we don't want eachother in our businesses.
The ever present tension between members that suggests anything could break down in a minute's notice. And they will.
My parents are exactly like George Costanza’s parents. It’s impossible for either one of them to make it through any story if there is a date, time, location or anything that they might disagree upon and bicker about mid story. When I hear other peoples parents communicate I feel like my brain is getting a massage.
When I started socializing with other kids, about kindergarten and forward, I realized that not everyone lives the same way I and my family do. Some had it better. Some were about the same. Some had it worse. Also, when the family gossip and secrets started coming out as I got into my teens, I realized that my family has a lot of skeletons in the closet that I refuse to inherit.
When my friends would meet my family for the first time and go "Okay, your family actually IS weird, you weren't kidding!"
Note: this post originally had 36 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
This article could be retitled "The moment children realised they were in an abusive home environment". Some of these were harrowing!
Yeah, this whole post is depressing. :(
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I recognize my family in far too many of these. It astounded me how many are sensitive to it. Be grateful you didn't grow up with this as your norm.
I've always known my family was weird, but I think our crowning moment was when I went home for a visit. The dogs started barking and howling (usual), I joined in (also not unusual), and then both my parents came in for the chorus. Our neighbours must be real greatful that we don't live any closer.
It was strange to me to meet other kids who lived in the same house they were born in. I moved ten times by age 18, though thankfully the last nine years of that was in the same city. Went to three different schools in first grade, mother married and divorced three times by the time I was twelve, couple of a**hole boyfriends after that. I didn’t realize growing up that what I was missing was stability.
When i was in college i realized how "weird" my family was. My friend was surprised how i am more friends with my parents then the typical parents/Kid relationship. I got away with making fun of them, using jokes with profanities (as long as they weren't meant to insult them, but used in/as a punchline)... At my 18 birthday (drinking age in my country) my parents threw an amazing garden party for me, and they promised to spend the night in the house, not bothering us at all. They were up till 3 am, got drunk as f**k with us, And my friends regulerly asked my parents to party with us after that. 13 years later, everytime i run into some od those friends, they alwaystalk about how awesome that party was And how my parents were cool 😂😂😂😂
I was one of the few children at my school with parents that were happily married. My best friend and I bonded over that for many years before his parents broke up and I struggle now to talk about my family life to most people without worrying that I will make it awkward
I feel this in the contrast between my family and my partner’s family. I thought all parents were loving, curious, warm, enthusiastic, positive. My partner’s family, despite not seeing him/us for 2 years and lots of things going on in our life, don’t ask any questions and seem totally disinterested in even talking to him. If we try and tell them things they look bored and start talking over us about something irrelevant. They’ve never praised him or encouraged him. They use emotional blackmail and blame constantly. It’s all horrible. I remember earlier on in our (long!) relationship him saying that he looked forward to my parents calling, but never wanted to call his. At the time I thought that was weird. But now I totally get it. Unfortunately he isn’t ready/able to cut them out so he’s stuck in this situation.
Not really me, but i have a half brother. The only one of us born in America, his father, my step father, is an Amerian. My little brother more than a decade younger. He had a very difficult time through grade school with the rest of us speaking a foreign language. Was embarrassed to bring friends to the house. My step dad quickly learned to understand, if not speak the language. But my brother would get angry if we spoke to him in Portuguese. He would yell that "I don't speak Spanish". He knew it wasn't Spanish. Now in his thirties he regrets not learning the language. But it was hard for him as a kid.
That's little weird... If He grew up like this, i would assume he would be, if not fluent, then at least comfortable in both languages. If you speak portuguese around him since his infancy, he should be able to learn... Was there any reason He didn't pick up on one of the two languages you spoke to him?
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Number two reminds me of my time in school. In wasn´t really anything dramatic like that, but I too received an Intervention of sorts from my classmates: In germany, during german class, we would do stuff like reading books or poems and analyzing them and stuff. At the End of my school time, when I was in class ten (no further edu after that) we were reading anne franks diary. And I was bored to hell because we were currently doing WW2 in history class as well, and did it the year before and I just had it with that subject! So I refused to buy the book myself and got by reading with the classmate sitting beside me. After some months of this, shortly before a big test on the book where I obviously couldn´t read with anybody else, some of my classmates came to me before school, gave me some money and said :" After school you are going to buy the damn book, kay?" I was so shocked by that, i bought it. Why is this noteworthy? Because I am not a social guy.
Continue: I barely talked to anybody outside of standard pleasantries or if they talked to me first. And I definitively did not consider any of them a friend, but they still gave me the money to save my bacon, or I would have tanked the test.
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When my parents actually allowed kitten no.4 to be accepted and adopted into the family. To this day, the number has increase to 7 cats and my mom doesn't even bat an eyelash anymore, dad more or less just rolled with it. Guess we're a bunch of "cat ladies" LOL.
some are *shrug*, but many make me think that being a parent should need a license.
In the 80's there was always a stigma about having a single mom. When I got older I realized that my home life was far more normal than any of my friends who had two parents. My friends used to think it was weird that my brother and I would always hug, kiss, and tell our mom that we loved her when leaving the house. I didn't know that most families didn't do that. I do it with my kids too. They've never been embarrassed or asked me not to, even at school drop off.
This article could be retitled "The moment children realised they were in an abusive home environment". Some of these were harrowing!
Yeah, this whole post is depressing. :(
Load More Replies... I recognize my family in far too many of these. It astounded me how many are sensitive to it. Be grateful you didn't grow up with this as your norm.
I've always known my family was weird, but I think our crowning moment was when I went home for a visit. The dogs started barking and howling (usual), I joined in (also not unusual), and then both my parents came in for the chorus. Our neighbours must be real greatful that we don't live any closer.
It was strange to me to meet other kids who lived in the same house they were born in. I moved ten times by age 18, though thankfully the last nine years of that was in the same city. Went to three different schools in first grade, mother married and divorced three times by the time I was twelve, couple of a**hole boyfriends after that. I didn’t realize growing up that what I was missing was stability.
When i was in college i realized how "weird" my family was. My friend was surprised how i am more friends with my parents then the typical parents/Kid relationship. I got away with making fun of them, using jokes with profanities (as long as they weren't meant to insult them, but used in/as a punchline)... At my 18 birthday (drinking age in my country) my parents threw an amazing garden party for me, and they promised to spend the night in the house, not bothering us at all. They were up till 3 am, got drunk as f**k with us, And my friends regulerly asked my parents to party with us after that. 13 years later, everytime i run into some od those friends, they alwaystalk about how awesome that party was And how my parents were cool 😂😂😂😂
I was one of the few children at my school with parents that were happily married. My best friend and I bonded over that for many years before his parents broke up and I struggle now to talk about my family life to most people without worrying that I will make it awkward
I feel this in the contrast between my family and my partner’s family. I thought all parents were loving, curious, warm, enthusiastic, positive. My partner’s family, despite not seeing him/us for 2 years and lots of things going on in our life, don’t ask any questions and seem totally disinterested in even talking to him. If we try and tell them things they look bored and start talking over us about something irrelevant. They’ve never praised him or encouraged him. They use emotional blackmail and blame constantly. It’s all horrible. I remember earlier on in our (long!) relationship him saying that he looked forward to my parents calling, but never wanted to call his. At the time I thought that was weird. But now I totally get it. Unfortunately he isn’t ready/able to cut them out so he’s stuck in this situation.
Not really me, but i have a half brother. The only one of us born in America, his father, my step father, is an Amerian. My little brother more than a decade younger. He had a very difficult time through grade school with the rest of us speaking a foreign language. Was embarrassed to bring friends to the house. My step dad quickly learned to understand, if not speak the language. But my brother would get angry if we spoke to him in Portuguese. He would yell that "I don't speak Spanish". He knew it wasn't Spanish. Now in his thirties he regrets not learning the language. But it was hard for him as a kid.
That's little weird... If He grew up like this, i would assume he would be, if not fluent, then at least comfortable in both languages. If you speak portuguese around him since his infancy, he should be able to learn... Was there any reason He didn't pick up on one of the two languages you spoke to him?
Load More Replies... Number two reminds me of my time in school. In wasn´t really anything dramatic like that, but I too received an Intervention of sorts from my classmates: In germany, during german class, we would do stuff like reading books or poems and analyzing them and stuff. At the End of my school time, when I was in class ten (no further edu after that) we were reading anne franks diary. And I was bored to hell because we were currently doing WW2 in history class as well, and did it the year before and I just had it with that subject! So I refused to buy the book myself and got by reading with the classmate sitting beside me. After some months of this, shortly before a big test on the book where I obviously couldn´t read with anybody else, some of my classmates came to me before school, gave me some money and said :" After school you are going to buy the damn book, kay?" I was so shocked by that, i bought it. Why is this noteworthy? Because I am not a social guy.
Continue: I barely talked to anybody outside of standard pleasantries or if they talked to me first. And I definitively did not consider any of them a friend, but they still gave me the money to save my bacon, or I would have tanked the test.
Load More Replies... When my parents actually allowed kitten no.4 to be accepted and adopted into the family. To this day, the number has increase to 7 cats and my mom doesn't even bat an eyelash anymore, dad more or less just rolled with it. Guess we're a bunch of "cat ladies" LOL.
some are *shrug*, but many make me think that being a parent should need a license.
In the 80's there was always a stigma about having a single mom. When I got older I realized that my home life was far more normal than any of my friends who had two parents. My friends used to think it was weird that my brother and I would always hug, kiss, and tell our mom that we loved her when leaving the house. I didn't know that most families didn't do that. I do it with my kids too. They've never been embarrassed or asked me not to, even at school drop off.
