420ish Lbs Sister-In-Law Destroys Beloved Garden Swing After Being Asked Not To Sit In It Because Of Its Weight Limit, Family Drama Ensues
Merging two families into one inevitably comes with its challenges. After all, when you marry someone, you embrace a group of people who care about your spouse too. And while you hope this new tribe will respect you and stand by your side no matter what, that’s not always the case.
Redditor Fickle-Life-9867 knows this from personal experience. The 35-year-old woman recently took her story to the AITA community after having a hard time getting along with her sister-in-law. You see, her oldest son bought her an expensive hammock chair as a birthday present. While the user was hesitant to accept it at first, the young man convinced her: “You never get anything nice. I wanted you to have it.” And so she did. For less than a week.
The thrill of the gift quickly faded after her sister-in-law decided to try it out. “I told her to please not sit on it and she said ‘Is there a weight limit?’ So I told her yes,” the user wrote. But this explicit request didn’t stop her from tearing the chair apart. This turned into a nasty conflict where both the user’s husband and his sister accused her of body shaming. The whole ordeal caused quite a stir in the AITA community, so read on for the full story and be sure to weigh in on the situation in the comments.
Recently, this woman shared how she flipped out after her sister-in-law knowingly ruined her cherished hammock chair
Image credits: Amjad rana (not the actual photo)
After being accused of body shaming, the user turned to the AITA subreddit to ask for perspective
Image credits: Halfpoint (not the actual photo)
While arguments with your spouse and their family are never easy, this woman found comfort in sharing her story online. We can only imagine how difficult it was for the user to be blamed for her feelings after witnessing how something important got destroyed in a matter of seconds, all while hearing her in-law laughing it off. Redditors overwhelmingly sided with the woman and determined her actions were completely justified. However, they did not hold back on harsh words for her husband, who sided with his sister.
To learn more about finding a way out of family disputes we inevitably find ourselves in, we reached out to Nicola Williams, a relationship coach and workshop facilitator based in the UK. According to her, it isn’t necessary to take sides in arguments between two people, no matter how close our partner or other family members might be to us.
“Taking sides and adding our own judgments to the mix is only going to create complication and further disharmony,” she told Bored Panda. “I think the best a partner can do in a situation like this one is to hear each person involved with compassion for the upset they’re experiencing and not make them, or the other, wrong for it.”
Being caught between your partner and your family can cause tension and create uncomfortable situations. But the relationship coach pointed out that whenever we listen to our loved ones’ stories, it’s important that what we hear stays confidential. We need to avoid repeating to our spouse, family, or anyone else for that matter, what we’ve heard. “This would likely add further complication to the situation, potentially inflame reactions on one or both sides and perhaps even create an argument between you and your spouse and/or your family.”
“It’s not our job as a partner to fix the situation! It’s better to encourage direct communication between them when there’s an openness to reconnecting,” Williams continued. “If we do try to fix it, we’re in danger of stepping deep into the rescuer role in the drama triangle, which is not where we want this to go.”
Still, the fact that our spouse would choose to take their family’s side over ours is not doing us any good, but coach Williams suggested looking at the situation from a different perspective. “It can be very detrimental if our partner takes their family’s side over ours. It can lead to feelings of betrayal and can erode trust and closeness in the relationship,” she said.
“But that doesn’t mean it’s good for our relationship for them to take sides with us! We might feel like we want our partner to take our side, but this is not real support and they can support us without taking sides,” Williams explained. “We’re all interconnected, especially in our families, so disharmony affects everyone in the family to some degree. I believe what we all really want deep down is for everyone to be on the same side, to work through our differences with maturity and as much open-heartedness as possible.”
When it comes to navigating our bonds with others, coach Williams stressed that the relationship we have with ourselves is the biggest factor determining how well we can connect with others, whether romantically or not. “Doing our own personal work to heal our wounds and be lovingly connected with ourselves hugely serves us and those we share our lives with. Seek support from friends, like-minded others and professionals that can help you to heal all your relationships, which starts with your relationship with you,” she concluded.
The story created quite a stir in the community, here’s what people had to say
i feel sorry for the 16-year-old kid that saved up goodness knows how much and for goodness knows how long only for his aunts fat a*s to break it in less than a week, if i were op id get the husband and aunt(piggy) to explain what happened
True, being compassionate and understanding does not mean we have to ignore the laws of physics. We can point out the reality of mass vs objects without it being "fat shaming". Calling her piggy sort of is though.
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NTA. First of all, it's not just a swing. It's a much appreciated present from her son and now it's ruined because someone absolutely had to put their self-entitled a*s on it(after they were specifically told not to). To make it worse, she does not even feel sorry for destroying someone's possession. No matter what her reasons were, she still ruined someone else's possession and must compensate.
Right?! Also there was no actual fat shaming. But the husband(a total cuntpie as well)and SIL should be ashamed of their pissant fucktard behavior. Oh, and that bitchfungus is definitely at fault for being so immensely overweight and dismissive about it.
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Or irresponsible and inconsiderate-shaming. It got way too long though. :p I do agree with others that she shouldn't be allowed back home until she apologizes to the OP and her 16y old nephew, and pays it back (or finds a way to repair it).
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At first I thought maybe OP was the AH because of the weight comment (because I assumed it was exaggeration). The fact that SIL is LITERALLY more than 150 lbs more than the weight limit makes her such an a*****e. Agree with the person who said that that makes breaking it deliberate. Also agree that the husband is a POS.
NTA. She wouldn't be allowed back at my house until she apologized AND purchased me a new swing. Period. Bye.
First off... kudos to your son, he sounds like mine. You raised him right. He's such a thoughtful young gentleman...unlike your husband. HE should've bought you that swing two years ago when you eyed it first. Second, I don't weigh nearly 250 and I'd STILL be nervous to sit in it because my luck sucks. That girl has no shame and she's gross (her attitude let me be clear here) She owes you a swing for sure!
I am a big girl myself and I understand that objects have weight limits. I would never sit in something that I have been told already won't hold my weight. She broke the swing on purpose, otherwise she would not have found what happened so funny. For someone who acts like they love their size, she sure got sensitive about it. The husband's attitude is really confusing. His sister broke something that meant a lot to his wife and he thinks his wife is wrong to be upset. What kind of family did she marry into?
I had a very big friend over at my house for the first time and at some point I needed to get something from a high up shelf. So I brought a stepladder and asked him if he could do it because I easily get very dizzy and I'm scared of falling. But he just said "no I can't, that won't hold me, but I'll stand here and hold your legs and make sure you don't fall" and there was no awkwardness in that, no embarrassment, just accepting your limits, for me as well.
i used to weigh close to 275 and i was always conscious of things that were suspended because of my weight. if i was ever in a situation that may have been similar to this i would not have attempted to sit. sounds like sil is just one of those people who feels that regardless of her weight she should be able to do it all - she even stated that they should make things like this for 'big girls'. (btw, they do.) she owes not only the money to replace but an apology for going off on this woman. i eventually lost over 100 and can't tell you how much of a kid i became in my 30s the first time i went to disneyland and was able to ride everything from mr toad's adventure to small world. the sad reality is that when you are bigger you are restricted from many things. sometimes weight is not a choice such as mine was due to medical issues undetected. other times a person just wants to eat or do whatever they want but, nonetheless, it is a choice. regardless of reason, the sil was in the wrong.
Exactly. If you're making money from it you know that you are that overweight so it's not fat shaming. It's just really rude.
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Her weight is irrelevant, the fact shes an inconsiderate asshat on the other hand.....
No, the weight is NOT irrelevant in this case because they actually talked about it beforehand
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So I'm an overweight person. My friend has a swing similar to the one in the picture. She always insists I can sit in it and it will hold me but I always refuse. It's too risky. I would be absolutely mortified if I broke her swing. And yes, of course I would offer to replace the swing right away. NtA
You reminded me of this student I had about 25 years ago. He was a good student, but obese. One day in class suddenly his chair collapsed. He just sat on the floor, head down, without moving. I said something like, You must have gotten one of those old chairs they were going to replace, find a better one. We continued. It was probably his nightmare come true, but I hope I smoothed it a bit for him. (We didn't have any old chairs.)
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It is not just about fat-shaming. The manufacturer does not care about how people look. The label is there for safety. Too bad she did not break her coccyx, then she would have a better idea of what a pain in a** she is.
I’m sorry but if a person is that overweight, they are very much responsible for the natural consequences of their weight. Doesn’t mean they should be shamed. Does mean that their weight imposes things on those around them that sometimes needs to be addressed.
I'm a big girl... I've been a big girl my whole damn life...I BRING MY OWN CHAIRS O_O
NTA, make her pay for it. That’s ridiculous, especially since you told her the limit and she weighed almost double that. It sounds like she didn’t want you to have it because you would have to be really dumb to think putting double the weight on it would hold or you’d have to be a jealous B who intentionally ruined it then cried about being fat shamed. I would just tell her here’s the link to a new one and to replace it, and if she says she wont replace it then tell her she’s not welcome at your house until she does. Don’t get loud or angry just calmly tell her that.
Wait, there are people eating food in front of camera? Why? What for???
This literally has zero to do with fat shaming, and everything to do with someone who is inconsiderate and irresponsible. Those people exist regardless of what they weigh. When I was a child, an adult family friend decided to bang on the keys of my toy organ like it was a piano, and of course he broke it. No apology and no offer to replace it. Everyone around me thought it was funny, and excused him because "that's just So and So." He was the type of person who was very inept socially and often didn't understand acceptable behavior. And while I understood that, it still doesn't mean that he should have gotten out of replacing a beloved toy. That was the only musical instrument I ever had, and I enjoyed it and used it often. It still burns me up a bit that somehow it was okay to break it, just because it was "just a toy."
An "ADULT". Hope he has the worst of luck forever.
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I couldn't agree more with Vetreorch's response. A replacement swing will always be a replacement and not the original, that came with SO MUCH love from her son. SIL has hurt more than one person, and obvs doesn't feel responsible or that's she's immune to consequences. My heart hurts for you, OP.
I'm not coming down on the larger folks, but they gotta be self-aware. It's akin to extra-tall folks gotta know when to duck.
Fat-shaming? Someone fed up his body to 420lb purposely is a target for fat-shaming. I do not have problem with moderate obesity but this is monstrous. I do not accept these eufemisms like big or heavy, the SIL is fat. Simply fat. And because she is fat, she is heavy and cannot use fragile swing. I am also too heavy to use baby stroller (even if I want to :-)
I agree with the posters who said they were also fat and didn't understand her mindset. I'm also overweight -not as big as her but still- and I go out of my way to make sure I don't sit, touch or even look at anything I think would be damaged under my weight. What she did was not only truly selfish but she should be liable for it since she was told not to do it in the 1st place. If I even had to ask if my weight could hold it, I wouldn't try. And if I had accidentally broken something I would have offered to pay for it. I don't feel like anything you did was necessarily fat-shaming (although some of the comments here definitely are). But she's just an a*****e who didn't even apologize and should be held liable for the cost. I mean- if you bring a child into a crystal store and the owner specifically asks you not to let your child in a certain area where extremely expensive items are and you're kid is all hopped up on sugar and running around, and then you let him in there anyway and he ends up breaking something then you should be held responsible for that.
"Oh look, this swing's weigh limit is about half of my weigh, what I'm gonna do? Oh yes, I'm gonna sit in it! What, It's not my fault it broke, stop fat-shamming me!"
Off topic: she eats food on camera for money? What is that, some kind of kink?
I'm assuming it's mukbang - people eating copious amounts of food on camera for views. Wikipedia/Seoul National University says its popular because it 'alleviates feelings of loneliness from eating alone'.
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NTA. First of all, she makes money of being overweight. So she knows that she she won't fit in certain clothes etc. So how can she say that they "usually lie about weight" in like swings, elevators etc?? And you told her not to. It's the equivalent of you saying to me (normal weight): please don't use that and I still use it!! I would be angry at me then but she also knew the weight limit!!
I think her problems are bigger than a swing. Such a horrible marriage where her 16yo son has to step up to buy her a swing. There's a very hard decision to be taken by her in her future
Wth... Why does this EVEN need to go online for validation? It's so obvious who the garbage is....
NTA. There is a huge difference between fat shaming and fecking bending the laws of physics. If the swing can only take 250lb, it isn't going to "get ashamed" for not being able to hold something that is 150lb over that limit.
I think part of the problem is why you never get anything nice. Why not? Do other people in your family get nice things but never you? Or nobody in your household ever gets anything nice? Or do you turn down getting nice things so others can get nice things so you can play the martyr? But your SIL should pay to replace the swing.
Her husband didn't want to buy it. Maybe they don't have enough money. Kids come first. But he sounds like he just doesn't care.
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So NTA, your SIL is and your husband is a complete douche. I am overweight myself and you didn't fat shame her you hit the nail on the head. She and your husband need to replace your gift and they both owe you an apology. I am so sorry for you that you have to put up with the disrespect from them.
She's not a "big girl", she's a f*cking whale b*tch... as the OP said, the swing maybe could resist someone 10/20 pounds over the limit, but not 170!!! I'm obese and I'm always careful where I sit because I don't want to damage someone else property, either if it has sentimental value or not. She should be ashamed of herself, profusely apologize and make amends... And the husband too!!! Although I'm afraid that, even if she buys a new swing, it wouldn't be the same...
Either the woman or the husband or both should IMMEDIATELY replace the swing. It was a GIFT from her son and she treasured it. She KNEW she was too heavy for it. Good thing she didn't break her hips. Would have been hell to get her to the hospital.
She did this on purpose - somehow there is a family dynamic that your husband buys into that says you aren’t allowed to have nice things. Send her a bill for the chair and if she doesn’t pay up, take her to small claims court. Yes, it will probably cost you more in money and aggravation than the chair is worth but sometimes you have to make a point.
There are weight limits for safety reasons. It's the same principle applies for a baby swing with a limit of 80lbs. That baby swing can not hold the weight of an adult of 120-180lbs should the adult (with bad judgement) decide to sit in it. It would break into pieces. Weight limits don't fat shame. They're using fat shaming as a tasteless scapegoat.
Stop letting SIL come over. Make husband go see her. And make him buy you another swing!
NTA but your SIL & husband are the ones that are the AH. Like wth?! She knew the weight limit but still disregarded and didn’t even apologized?! Tell your husband he needs to buy you another one since it’s just a f*****g swing. It’s the principle, she needs to own up to it and buy you an new one. What if you broke something of hers and just laughed about it? What then? Gosh I’m so sorry you had to deal with this mess. I hope you get a new one.
NTA. She was like 60% over the weight limit of the swing and it was shown to her in writing what the weight limit of the thing was, but nah, she just ignored it. She was not being fat shamed at all. She's a professional feeder who caters to guys who like watching fat girls eat, so I don't think shaming her is easy to do. She should have just listened. If anything, she should pay to have it replaced.
If she is "one of those girls that eats food" on the internet....please don't make me explain....then she is not upset or ashamed or insecure about her weight. I'd assume she's fine with it, because it's all part of the attraction to people who eat food on the internet. So no, you didn't fat shame her. She's manipulating and using this to try to make you feel horrible and back off, which only PsOS do. If it was someone who was perfectly thin and had a gallon of paint in their hands and you said please don't spill that all over my chair, and they did, is that "paint shaming?" She ruined your chair. That her weight did it, that's her problem. If you're a guest in someone's house and break a vase or throw a planter through a window or drop their blender on the foor and break it, you replace it. She is a toxic as$ and ought to apologize to your son, you and not be invited over. If she was underweight she'd still be a toxic as$
THIS FAT TURD NEEDS TO TAKE THE PIECES OF THAT POOR CHAIR AND CRAM THEM UP HER FLABBY BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE!
I'm quite the hermit so... I would've just cut ties with that sack of sh!t. The hubby gets kicked out too for being an idiot. Family or not, you being stupid means I need to decide on cutting you out of my life or take the risk of you causing me inconvenience.
Had her son made her a teapot and the sil deliberaty sat on it, it would be exactly the same. Its not just a seat, it's a token of her sons love.
I feel like the SIL is the same kind of woman who would insist on trying to get on a horse, knowing that horses can only hold 20% of their body weight. Pure selfishness.
she needs to get her fat A## to her bank and give the money to you so you and your son can go pick out another swing. Your husband is an AT for not backing you.
I feel really bad for the son. He spent his own money to buy a gift for his mother. Now his overweight aunt has wrecked his gift. The OP is NTA, her inconsiderate SIL is. BTW, I really enjoyed reading the comments here. Seems most people agree the SIL if the one in the wrong here.
I think the problem in this family is much worse than a broken swing. First of all, there's no respect, because if a person is told not to touch something, that's it, don't touch it. The husband doesn't sound like a considerate person either, and OP sounds pissed and fed up. If a 16 year old teenager is more concerned than an adult, there's a big red flag about that adult. I mean, teenagers are not famous for being tactful or empathic. And finally, the stupid in-law. She is morbidly obese, and she should be aware of her limits. Her weight IS a problem, whether she wants to see it or not. She may love it, but she should be able to admit that she is not overweight, or curvy, but very, very, very sick. Anyway, I wouldn't let her enter my house again until she apologises and gets a new hammock... That is what she should have done immediately without trying to blame others and play the "I am the victim" card.
Absolutely NTA. This was a cherished gift given to the OP by her child. She told SIL not to sit in it due to being over the weight limit. And husband has the b*lls to take SIL's side?? Not only do you need a new swing, you need a new husband - or couples counseling.
Send SIL and give husband a bill for the swing. Then, get a new chair and a divorce attorney. Husband is an a hole and SIL KYA.
NTA as in NEVER TA when you tell someone specifically not to do something in your own home and then they go and do it anyway and break something. SIL absolutely deserved to be spoken to in that matter and your husband should have taken your side or at minimum kept his mouth shut but he didn't and he is also TA. I would demand SIL replace it and if she refuses I would tell her I am going to take her to small claims court.
My father used to get small kitchen appliances and cleaning items for my mother for birthdays and Christmas. After multiple years of this, one Christmas my mother opens her present which is a hand vac. She got up, stormed out of the living room and locked herself in her bedroom for the rest of the day. My father was confused until I told him to take me and my sister for a drive. We explained to him that mom doesn't need tools to do chores, she wants things to pamper herself after the chores are over. Next Christmas, it was a comfy robe, matching slippers and a foot massager. She was happy.
Some people will never learn because their actions are always being sugarcoated and excused. So they need to learn the hard way, not out of revenge but out of teaching what respect and responsibility are. Just go to the police for vandalism. If nobody is on your side and you are 100% in the right, the local authorities will be.
Fat people sometimes need to understand that they're not being body shamed, they are just way too fat. She clearly doesn't love her weight though, otherwise she wouldn't have felt shamed. So there's a underlying mental health issue which she is overcompensating for.
NTA 2 years you've wanted that. If your husband can't see the value in the item and in you then please throw the whole man out. Your poor son must be just as angry
I would have added to my comments that I expected her to replace it --- exactly. I can feel how bad your son must feel for spending all of that money on a special gift for you and her breaking it after being asked NOT to sit in it. --- I'm also a big girl (but thank God, not that big) and I don't think you were "fat-shaming" her at all! I'm so tired of even hearing that phrase, "fat-shaming" because if you're over 200 pounds and you show off over half your fat with the clothes you wear, you're "shaming" yourself.
SIL needs to compensate son and s**t bag husband needs to compensate wife.
NTA million times. It was a cherished present from her son. We need to stop with accusing others who understand the basic of law physics as "fat shaming".
What's up with people not owning their fcking mistakes? You broke it, you replace it!!! It's not that hard!
Your SIL fat shamed herself. Sounds to me like your husband dared her to do it. NTA.
If she has feet smaller than yours ... or shorter, for that matter ... try them on. Usually, they don't break if overfilled, blabla, ZZRRRRPPPP! - oh, I breaked it! Musta been no lie then, those numberisms printed on'em, hahaha, they need to make something capable of containing our big girl feet ... or ... so ... can you, possibly, break some of her stuff in a similar fashion? Preferably something more expensive?
NTAH, but your SIL and husband are all that and more!! Your SIL was very aware she was too heavy and did it anyway, she's not entitled to do as she pleases with other people's things. I hope she replaces it.
You should not let your SIL visit anymore unless she buys you a swing chair, if your husband objects he can go and live with sister since they are both AHOLEs.
Body shaming...ha cause only in America it's positive to be morbidly obese. This woman isn't chubby or even over weight she's beyond that. It shouldn't be positive to be unhealthy...what a message we send to the youth yeah let's have more unpaid hospital bills due to sicknesses associated with being over weight driving up the prices for people who do pay. Tell her to fricken use the money she gets for stuffing her face all day and buy you a new swing. Body shaming or not which you def weren't body shaming her what so ever, there are weight limits to pretty much everything. They are there for a reason so you don't BREAK them, she's not just morbidly obese but must have the IQ of a 4 year old to think that thing in the picture would hold her..these types of swings and many chairs aren't meant to hold that weight because NO ONE should weigh that much. Unless it's due to a thyroid issue, health problem making you gain such insane weight..
I literally cherish every present my children have ever given me. For someone to willingly destroy something is absolutely tragic. That your husband stands behind her is also to me selfish. He could have handled this much better. I truly hope this swinggot replaced because overall, your sons feelings will be most hurt. I’m sorry. People can be jerks.
You probably weren't using nice and understanding words when you complained so that's all they concentrate on how you said something, not what you actually said. Break it? Pay for it. That's the way it works.
So, she should just take it down every time that fat b***h comes over? Yeah, right!
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Just fuckk right off with your pathetic bullshiit about OP. The stupid fatass evil twatbundle purposely hurt her and the son by ignoring a simple backed up legit request so was completely disrespectful!!! As was her own equally asshat waste of atoms husband.
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The husband sucks for taking his sisters side after she intentionally broke the damn thing. Nothing to do with money.
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That wasn't unnecessary it was proving the point even further. The fat chick should have stayed off something not made for her. Especially when it wasn't even hers
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I don't need to give anyone a reason why not to disrespect or break my property. It doesn't matter what the item is or whether it has sentimental or financial value, you respect other people's property. This is basic manners.
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IMHO, YOU'RE TAH! She wasn't shamed at all! Although SIL should be ashamed for breaking her swing!!! ;(
Load More Replies... i feel sorry for the 16-year-old kid that saved up goodness knows how much and for goodness knows how long only for his aunts fat a*s to break it in less than a week, if i were op id get the husband and aunt(piggy) to explain what happened
True, being compassionate and understanding does not mean we have to ignore the laws of physics. We can point out the reality of mass vs objects without it being "fat shaming". Calling her piggy sort of is though.
Load More Replies... NTA. First of all, it's not just a swing. It's a much appreciated present from her son and now it's ruined because someone absolutely had to put their self-entitled a*s on it(after they were specifically told not to). To make it worse, she does not even feel sorry for destroying someone's possession. No matter what her reasons were, she still ruined someone else's possession and must compensate.
Right?! Also there was no actual fat shaming. But the husband(a total cuntpie as well)and SIL should be ashamed of their pissant fucktard behavior. Oh, and that bitchfungus is definitely at fault for being so immensely overweight and dismissive about it.
Load More Replies... Or irresponsible and inconsiderate-shaming. It got way too long though. :p I do agree with others that she shouldn't be allowed back home until she apologizes to the OP and her 16y old nephew, and pays it back (or finds a way to repair it).
Load More Replies... At first I thought maybe OP was the AH because of the weight comment (because I assumed it was exaggeration). The fact that SIL is LITERALLY more than 150 lbs more than the weight limit makes her such an a*****e. Agree with the person who said that that makes breaking it deliberate. Also agree that the husband is a POS.
NTA. She wouldn't be allowed back at my house until she apologized AND purchased me a new swing. Period. Bye.
First off... kudos to your son, he sounds like mine. You raised him right. He's such a thoughtful young gentleman...unlike your husband. HE should've bought you that swing two years ago when you eyed it first. Second, I don't weigh nearly 250 and I'd STILL be nervous to sit in it because my luck sucks. That girl has no shame and she's gross (her attitude let me be clear here) She owes you a swing for sure!
I am a big girl myself and I understand that objects have weight limits. I would never sit in something that I have been told already won't hold my weight. She broke the swing on purpose, otherwise she would not have found what happened so funny. For someone who acts like they love their size, she sure got sensitive about it. The husband's attitude is really confusing. His sister broke something that meant a lot to his wife and he thinks his wife is wrong to be upset. What kind of family did she marry into?
I had a very big friend over at my house for the first time and at some point I needed to get something from a high up shelf. So I brought a stepladder and asked him if he could do it because I easily get very dizzy and I'm scared of falling. But he just said "no I can't, that won't hold me, but I'll stand here and hold your legs and make sure you don't fall" and there was no awkwardness in that, no embarrassment, just accepting your limits, for me as well.
i used to weigh close to 275 and i was always conscious of things that were suspended because of my weight. if i was ever in a situation that may have been similar to this i would not have attempted to sit. sounds like sil is just one of those people who feels that regardless of her weight she should be able to do it all - she even stated that they should make things like this for 'big girls'. (btw, they do.) she owes not only the money to replace but an apology for going off on this woman. i eventually lost over 100 and can't tell you how much of a kid i became in my 30s the first time i went to disneyland and was able to ride everything from mr toad's adventure to small world. the sad reality is that when you are bigger you are restricted from many things. sometimes weight is not a choice such as mine was due to medical issues undetected. other times a person just wants to eat or do whatever they want but, nonetheless, it is a choice. regardless of reason, the sil was in the wrong.
Exactly. If you're making money from it you know that you are that overweight so it's not fat shaming. It's just really rude.
Load More Replies... Her weight is irrelevant, the fact shes an inconsiderate asshat on the other hand.....
No, the weight is NOT irrelevant in this case because they actually talked about it beforehand
Load More Replies... So I'm an overweight person. My friend has a swing similar to the one in the picture. She always insists I can sit in it and it will hold me but I always refuse. It's too risky. I would be absolutely mortified if I broke her swing. And yes, of course I would offer to replace the swing right away. NtA
You reminded me of this student I had about 25 years ago. He was a good student, but obese. One day in class suddenly his chair collapsed. He just sat on the floor, head down, without moving. I said something like, You must have gotten one of those old chairs they were going to replace, find a better one. We continued. It was probably his nightmare come true, but I hope I smoothed it a bit for him. (We didn't have any old chairs.)
Load More Replies... It is not just about fat-shaming. The manufacturer does not care about how people look. The label is there for safety. Too bad she did not break her coccyx, then she would have a better idea of what a pain in a** she is.
I’m sorry but if a person is that overweight, they are very much responsible for the natural consequences of their weight. Doesn’t mean they should be shamed. Does mean that their weight imposes things on those around them that sometimes needs to be addressed.
I'm a big girl... I've been a big girl my whole damn life...I BRING MY OWN CHAIRS O_O
NTA, make her pay for it. That’s ridiculous, especially since you told her the limit and she weighed almost double that. It sounds like she didn’t want you to have it because you would have to be really dumb to think putting double the weight on it would hold or you’d have to be a jealous B who intentionally ruined it then cried about being fat shamed. I would just tell her here’s the link to a new one and to replace it, and if she says she wont replace it then tell her she’s not welcome at your house until she does. Don’t get loud or angry just calmly tell her that.
Wait, there are people eating food in front of camera? Why? What for???
This literally has zero to do with fat shaming, and everything to do with someone who is inconsiderate and irresponsible. Those people exist regardless of what they weigh. When I was a child, an adult family friend decided to bang on the keys of my toy organ like it was a piano, and of course he broke it. No apology and no offer to replace it. Everyone around me thought it was funny, and excused him because "that's just So and So." He was the type of person who was very inept socially and often didn't understand acceptable behavior. And while I understood that, it still doesn't mean that he should have gotten out of replacing a beloved toy. That was the only musical instrument I ever had, and I enjoyed it and used it often. It still burns me up a bit that somehow it was okay to break it, just because it was "just a toy."
An "ADULT". Hope he has the worst of luck forever.
Load More Replies... I couldn't agree more with Vetreorch's response. A replacement swing will always be a replacement and not the original, that came with SO MUCH love from her son. SIL has hurt more than one person, and obvs doesn't feel responsible or that's she's immune to consequences. My heart hurts for you, OP.
I'm not coming down on the larger folks, but they gotta be self-aware. It's akin to extra-tall folks gotta know when to duck.
Fat-shaming? Someone fed up his body to 420lb purposely is a target for fat-shaming. I do not have problem with moderate obesity but this is monstrous. I do not accept these eufemisms like big or heavy, the SIL is fat. Simply fat. And because she is fat, she is heavy and cannot use fragile swing. I am also too heavy to use baby stroller (even if I want to :-)
I agree with the posters who said they were also fat and didn't understand her mindset. I'm also overweight -not as big as her but still- and I go out of my way to make sure I don't sit, touch or even look at anything I think would be damaged under my weight. What she did was not only truly selfish but she should be liable for it since she was told not to do it in the 1st place. If I even had to ask if my weight could hold it, I wouldn't try. And if I had accidentally broken something I would have offered to pay for it. I don't feel like anything you did was necessarily fat-shaming (although some of the comments here definitely are). But she's just an a*****e who didn't even apologize and should be held liable for the cost. I mean- if you bring a child into a crystal store and the owner specifically asks you not to let your child in a certain area where extremely expensive items are and you're kid is all hopped up on sugar and running around, and then you let him in there anyway and he ends up breaking something then you should be held responsible for that.
"Oh look, this swing's weigh limit is about half of my weigh, what I'm gonna do? Oh yes, I'm gonna sit in it! What, It's not my fault it broke, stop fat-shamming me!"
Off topic: she eats food on camera for money? What is that, some kind of kink?
I'm assuming it's mukbang - people eating copious amounts of food on camera for views. Wikipedia/Seoul National University says its popular because it 'alleviates feelings of loneliness from eating alone'.
Load More Replies... NTA. First of all, she makes money of being overweight. So she knows that she she won't fit in certain clothes etc. So how can she say that they "usually lie about weight" in like swings, elevators etc?? And you told her not to. It's the equivalent of you saying to me (normal weight): please don't use that and I still use it!! I would be angry at me then but she also knew the weight limit!!
I think her problems are bigger than a swing. Such a horrible marriage where her 16yo son has to step up to buy her a swing. There's a very hard decision to be taken by her in her future
Wth... Why does this EVEN need to go online for validation? It's so obvious who the garbage is....
NTA. There is a huge difference between fat shaming and fecking bending the laws of physics. If the swing can only take 250lb, it isn't going to "get ashamed" for not being able to hold something that is 150lb over that limit.
I think part of the problem is why you never get anything nice. Why not? Do other people in your family get nice things but never you? Or nobody in your household ever gets anything nice? Or do you turn down getting nice things so others can get nice things so you can play the martyr? But your SIL should pay to replace the swing.
Her husband didn't want to buy it. Maybe they don't have enough money. Kids come first. But he sounds like he just doesn't care.
Load More Replies... So NTA, your SIL is and your husband is a complete douche. I am overweight myself and you didn't fat shame her you hit the nail on the head. She and your husband need to replace your gift and they both owe you an apology. I am so sorry for you that you have to put up with the disrespect from them.
She's not a "big girl", she's a f*cking whale b*tch... as the OP said, the swing maybe could resist someone 10/20 pounds over the limit, but not 170!!! I'm obese and I'm always careful where I sit because I don't want to damage someone else property, either if it has sentimental value or not. She should be ashamed of herself, profusely apologize and make amends... And the husband too!!! Although I'm afraid that, even if she buys a new swing, it wouldn't be the same...
Either the woman or the husband or both should IMMEDIATELY replace the swing. It was a GIFT from her son and she treasured it. She KNEW she was too heavy for it. Good thing she didn't break her hips. Would have been hell to get her to the hospital.
She did this on purpose - somehow there is a family dynamic that your husband buys into that says you aren’t allowed to have nice things. Send her a bill for the chair and if she doesn’t pay up, take her to small claims court. Yes, it will probably cost you more in money and aggravation than the chair is worth but sometimes you have to make a point.
There are weight limits for safety reasons. It's the same principle applies for a baby swing with a limit of 80lbs. That baby swing can not hold the weight of an adult of 120-180lbs should the adult (with bad judgement) decide to sit in it. It would break into pieces. Weight limits don't fat shame. They're using fat shaming as a tasteless scapegoat.
Stop letting SIL come over. Make husband go see her. And make him buy you another swing!
NTA but your SIL & husband are the ones that are the AH. Like wth?! She knew the weight limit but still disregarded and didn’t even apologized?! Tell your husband he needs to buy you another one since it’s just a f*****g swing. It’s the principle, she needs to own up to it and buy you an new one. What if you broke something of hers and just laughed about it? What then? Gosh I’m so sorry you had to deal with this mess. I hope you get a new one.
NTA. She was like 60% over the weight limit of the swing and it was shown to her in writing what the weight limit of the thing was, but nah, she just ignored it. She was not being fat shamed at all. She's a professional feeder who caters to guys who like watching fat girls eat, so I don't think shaming her is easy to do. She should have just listened. If anything, she should pay to have it replaced.
If she is "one of those girls that eats food" on the internet....please don't make me explain....then she is not upset or ashamed or insecure about her weight. I'd assume she's fine with it, because it's all part of the attraction to people who eat food on the internet. So no, you didn't fat shame her. She's manipulating and using this to try to make you feel horrible and back off, which only PsOS do. If it was someone who was perfectly thin and had a gallon of paint in their hands and you said please don't spill that all over my chair, and they did, is that "paint shaming?" She ruined your chair. That her weight did it, that's her problem. If you're a guest in someone's house and break a vase or throw a planter through a window or drop their blender on the foor and break it, you replace it. She is a toxic as$ and ought to apologize to your son, you and not be invited over. If she was underweight she'd still be a toxic as$
THIS FAT TURD NEEDS TO TAKE THE PIECES OF THAT POOR CHAIR AND CRAM THEM UP HER FLABBY BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE!
I'm quite the hermit so... I would've just cut ties with that sack of sh!t. The hubby gets kicked out too for being an idiot. Family or not, you being stupid means I need to decide on cutting you out of my life or take the risk of you causing me inconvenience.
Had her son made her a teapot and the sil deliberaty sat on it, it would be exactly the same. Its not just a seat, it's a token of her sons love.
I feel like the SIL is the same kind of woman who would insist on trying to get on a horse, knowing that horses can only hold 20% of their body weight. Pure selfishness.
she needs to get her fat A## to her bank and give the money to you so you and your son can go pick out another swing. Your husband is an AT for not backing you.
I feel really bad for the son. He spent his own money to buy a gift for his mother. Now his overweight aunt has wrecked his gift. The OP is NTA, her inconsiderate SIL is. BTW, I really enjoyed reading the comments here. Seems most people agree the SIL if the one in the wrong here.
I think the problem in this family is much worse than a broken swing. First of all, there's no respect, because if a person is told not to touch something, that's it, don't touch it. The husband doesn't sound like a considerate person either, and OP sounds pissed and fed up. If a 16 year old teenager is more concerned than an adult, there's a big red flag about that adult. I mean, teenagers are not famous for being tactful or empathic. And finally, the stupid in-law. She is morbidly obese, and she should be aware of her limits. Her weight IS a problem, whether she wants to see it or not. She may love it, but she should be able to admit that she is not overweight, or curvy, but very, very, very sick. Anyway, I wouldn't let her enter my house again until she apologises and gets a new hammock... That is what she should have done immediately without trying to blame others and play the "I am the victim" card.
Absolutely NTA. This was a cherished gift given to the OP by her child. She told SIL not to sit in it due to being over the weight limit. And husband has the b*lls to take SIL's side?? Not only do you need a new swing, you need a new husband - or couples counseling.
Send SIL and give husband a bill for the swing. Then, get a new chair and a divorce attorney. Husband is an a hole and SIL KYA.
NTA as in NEVER TA when you tell someone specifically not to do something in your own home and then they go and do it anyway and break something. SIL absolutely deserved to be spoken to in that matter and your husband should have taken your side or at minimum kept his mouth shut but he didn't and he is also TA. I would demand SIL replace it and if she refuses I would tell her I am going to take her to small claims court.
My father used to get small kitchen appliances and cleaning items for my mother for birthdays and Christmas. After multiple years of this, one Christmas my mother opens her present which is a hand vac. She got up, stormed out of the living room and locked herself in her bedroom for the rest of the day. My father was confused until I told him to take me and my sister for a drive. We explained to him that mom doesn't need tools to do chores, she wants things to pamper herself after the chores are over. Next Christmas, it was a comfy robe, matching slippers and a foot massager. She was happy.
Some people will never learn because their actions are always being sugarcoated and excused. So they need to learn the hard way, not out of revenge but out of teaching what respect and responsibility are. Just go to the police for vandalism. If nobody is on your side and you are 100% in the right, the local authorities will be.
Fat people sometimes need to understand that they're not being body shamed, they are just way too fat. She clearly doesn't love her weight though, otherwise she wouldn't have felt shamed. So there's a underlying mental health issue which she is overcompensating for.
NTA 2 years you've wanted that. If your husband can't see the value in the item and in you then please throw the whole man out. Your poor son must be just as angry
I would have added to my comments that I expected her to replace it --- exactly. I can feel how bad your son must feel for spending all of that money on a special gift for you and her breaking it after being asked NOT to sit in it. --- I'm also a big girl (but thank God, not that big) and I don't think you were "fat-shaming" her at all! I'm so tired of even hearing that phrase, "fat-shaming" because if you're over 200 pounds and you show off over half your fat with the clothes you wear, you're "shaming" yourself.
SIL needs to compensate son and s**t bag husband needs to compensate wife.
NTA million times. It was a cherished present from her son. We need to stop with accusing others who understand the basic of law physics as "fat shaming".
What's up with people not owning their fcking mistakes? You broke it, you replace it!!! It's not that hard!
Your SIL fat shamed herself. Sounds to me like your husband dared her to do it. NTA.
If she has feet smaller than yours ... or shorter, for that matter ... try them on. Usually, they don't break if overfilled, blabla, ZZRRRRPPPP! - oh, I breaked it! Musta been no lie then, those numberisms printed on'em, hahaha, they need to make something capable of containing our big girl feet ... or ... so ... can you, possibly, break some of her stuff in a similar fashion? Preferably something more expensive?
NTAH, but your SIL and husband are all that and more!! Your SIL was very aware she was too heavy and did it anyway, she's not entitled to do as she pleases with other people's things. I hope she replaces it.
You should not let your SIL visit anymore unless she buys you a swing chair, if your husband objects he can go and live with sister since they are both AHOLEs.
Body shaming...ha cause only in America it's positive to be morbidly obese. This woman isn't chubby or even over weight she's beyond that. It shouldn't be positive to be unhealthy...what a message we send to the youth yeah let's have more unpaid hospital bills due to sicknesses associated with being over weight driving up the prices for people who do pay. Tell her to fricken use the money she gets for stuffing her face all day and buy you a new swing. Body shaming or not which you def weren't body shaming her what so ever, there are weight limits to pretty much everything. They are there for a reason so you don't BREAK them, she's not just morbidly obese but must have the IQ of a 4 year old to think that thing in the picture would hold her..these types of swings and many chairs aren't meant to hold that weight because NO ONE should weigh that much. Unless it's due to a thyroid issue, health problem making you gain such insane weight..
I literally cherish every present my children have ever given me. For someone to willingly destroy something is absolutely tragic. That your husband stands behind her is also to me selfish. He could have handled this much better. I truly hope this swinggot replaced because overall, your sons feelings will be most hurt. I’m sorry. People can be jerks.
You probably weren't using nice and understanding words when you complained so that's all they concentrate on how you said something, not what you actually said. Break it? Pay for it. That's the way it works.
So, she should just take it down every time that fat b***h comes over? Yeah, right!
Load More Replies... Just fuckk right off with your pathetic bullshiit about OP. The stupid fatass evil twatbundle purposely hurt her and the son by ignoring a simple backed up legit request so was completely disrespectful!!! As was her own equally asshat waste of atoms husband.
Load More Replies... The husband sucks for taking his sisters side after she intentionally broke the damn thing. Nothing to do with money.
Load More Replies... That wasn't unnecessary it was proving the point even further. The fat chick should have stayed off something not made for her. Especially when it wasn't even hers
Load More Replies... I don't need to give anyone a reason why not to disrespect or break my property. It doesn't matter what the item is or whether it has sentimental or financial value, you respect other people's property. This is basic manners.
Load More Replies... IMHO, YOU'RE TAH! She wasn't shamed at all! Although SIL should be ashamed for breaking her swing!!! ;(
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