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Mom Is Disgusted With How Daycare Worker Treats Her Daughter, Reports It To The Director And Gets Her Fired
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Mom Is Disgusted With How Daycare Worker Treats Her Daughter, Reports It To The Director And Gets Her Fired

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When you have another person taking care of your child, the last thing you want is a gut feeling telling you that something’s off. But that’s exactly what Reddit user CeleryKey9938 had to experience.

Recently, she started having doubts about one of the workers at her daughter’s daycare center, so she began to pay more attention to the way the woman treated her kid. Almost immediately the mom noticed a huge level of familiarity, one she simply couldn’t accept. So she went to the director.

The worker had to say goodbye not only to Celery Key’s daughter, but to her job as well. Which is why some of her acquaintances told the woman she could’ve handled the situation in a calmer manner. Not sure what to make of her actions, the mom made a post on the ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ subreddit, asking its members to share their thoughts on the confclit. Here’s what she wrote.

This mom was so appalled by the length to which a daycare worker interacted with her daughter, she went to speak to the director

Image credits: Tanaphong Toochinda (Not the actual photo)

But the familiarity continued, and she said the worker appeared to be “obsessed” with her baby


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Image credits: Mark Baylor (Not the actual photo)



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Image credits: CeleryKey9938

To highlight her point, the author of the post made an additional comment, highlighting that what made things weird was the fact that her child was the only one who received a lot of extra attention.

“My daughter is an awesome baby but [there are] at least twenty or so in the room. I don’t understand why it’s my daughter that she is specifically obsessed with,” she explained. “That’s what made me uncomfortable.”

Regardless of how you feel about this particular case, the reality is that plenty of parents aren’t entirely happy with their children’s daycare, and our hectic lifestyles are often what put us in awkward spots.

In an earlier Bored Panda interview, former editor-in-chief and the woman behind the blogs Motherhood: The Real Deal and 40 Now What, Talya Stone, said that she has questioned the things that went on in her daughter’s daycare as well but since parents rely on these services in order to be able to continue their careers, managing the juggle between raising a family and earning a living can be quite difficult.

“Even though we may feel the conditions are far from ideal or up to our standards, quite frankly for most parents at least, not sending their children is just not an option,” she said.

Most agreed with the original poster (OP) and said the worker was overstepping boundaries

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What’s worse, the average price to send one child to a childcare center in 2021 rose 5% to $226 per week, up from $215 in 2019, before the pandemic, according to an annual survey by Care.com, an online platform for finding family care.

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Meanwhile, it cost $694 per week to have a nanny in 2021, up 23% from $565 per week in 2019, while average national weekly babysitter rates were $261 last year, up 7% from pre-pandemic.

Washington D.C. was the most expensive area for childcare or a nanny — on average, it cost $419 per week to send your kid to a childcare center, and $855 to get them a nanny — that’s 85% and 23% respectively above the national average.

“When it comes to childcare, there are three critical criteria — cost, quality and availability — and based on our research findings, we’ve not only failed to make progress as a country, we’ve actually gone backwards,” Natalie Mayslich, president of the consumer side of Care.com, said.

The increase in childcare costs between 2019 and 2020 even surpassed the annual rate of inflation. At the same time, almost half of parents said it was harder to find childcare services. Which makes sense when you consider that almost 16,000 childcare providers shut down between December 2019 and March 2021.

If parents had more choices or could afford other means of child care arrangements, maybe they could find places that would better fit their (and their kid’s) needs and we’d have less stories like this to begin with?

But some were on the fence and either didn’t want to pass any judgment or even found the OP to be the jerk in the situation


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camilaluzdel avatar
Maxi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We are Humans, we are supposed to bond with and love. We aren't robots and it would be really strange for the baby not to receive any kind of love all the day long!

jayhay4posh avatar
GoGoPDX
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She came across jealous to me. I can understand not kissing her all over the face, but I would love to know someone was treating my child so well. What is the difference between what that worker was doing compared to what a nanny, only working with your child, would do.

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amcgregor7419 avatar
Tams21
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I worked for years as a daycare worker in Germany before becoming a teacher. Providing a loving and caring environment, particularly at that age is very important but some of the behaviour here was very inappropriate. In particular, spending a disproportionate amount of time with one child is unprofessional and totally not fair toward the other children. Not letting anyone else hold her would raise a big red flag to me - after decades around daycare centres as a parent or teacher, this would freak me out. I imagine management already had concerns about the girl and complaint was probably the last straw

tiinabender avatar
Iifa A.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kissing even without the pandemic highly inappropriate. But I had only one teacher in kindergarten for 4-5years who made a fuss over me. In those years I never played with other children (hatred with passion to this day), I also hated all teachers who forced me.into activities, then punished if didn't participate. The older I got the more I needed that.one teacher to explain me, why my feelings are valid and it's okay not to enjoy company. I was a child who ran away when my.parents organised birthdays. Sometimes children trust one figure,and it's important for them to know it is not wrong to have a favorite. After all we marry our favourite person, make friends with people we like, and boundaries are healthy part of all relationships. I'm 30+ old now, I can't name a single classmate out of 40 people I spent 9yrs.tpgether, I have no kindergarten names and we all lived in a city of 3000 people. Remarkable people are rare, I'm lucky my mum encouraged the relationship. And didn't say creep

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somberstricken avatar
Somber Stricken
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's so weird the amount of people calling the mother "jealous". Working in childcare for several years what that worker did was creepy and inappropriate. Not to mention, not allowed. We have strick rules we have to follow for health and safety reasons. There's a problem with workers having a favorite child, which is really aggravating because that child gets more attention and the worker will probably not help with other children... You know do their job? The mother isn't jealous, you people are weird af.

propgamerxl avatar
propgamer XL
Community Member
1 year ago

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purplezebra avatar
SillyPandaBunny
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Former daycare worker and private nanny here. I loved being a teacher and I loved being a nanny. I can even go so far as saying I loved my students, but there is a clear line one does not cross and that is having any notions that the child is yours, that the child needs you more than any other teacher or caregiver, that you should love that child exactly like you would your own child. I would have protected my students from any harm just as I would have protected my own child, but it was always with the understanding that their own parents loved them to a degree I could not. I know it might seem hard to distinguish considering how caring and attentive I was to all my students and charges and how caring and attentive I was to my own child but while worries for any challenges my child faced in life kept me up at night, once my students/charges where back in their own parents loving arms, I did not worry about them or even wonder what they were doing.

purplezebra avatar
SillyPandaBunny
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Teachers / Nanny’s jobs are to keep children safe and enrich their learning while the parents are away. The behavior described is obsessive and a clear red flag that this person had stepped over the line of caregiver and into the realm of stalker. I know it sounds harsh but you have to be able to remain professional in this role. Had I witnessed any of my colleagues displaying this same behavior with any student, I would have reported them myself.

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aragorn_elessar4 avatar
Derek Clark
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've worked in child care and I've hugged kids and of course held them but the kissing? Never. It's okay to bond with one child more but it's not okay to solely take care of that one child. It's good to bond, it's not good to claim, and that's what the woman was doing. You're taking care of kids for the parents, you're not the parent. If you start to forget that, then childcare isn't the right fit.

alex51324 avatar
Alex Boyd
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I totally agree that there must be more to the story for the employee to be fired, than just the mother going to the director twice with concerns that the worker likes her baby too much. To me, "Ended up letting her go" sounds like maybe when the director spoke to the employee about the behavior, or about her "favorite baby" being moved to another room, the employee took it so badly that letting her go became the obvious and necessary move.

torificus avatar
mind yours
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

??????? wtf y'all, this doesn't sound like jealousy at all, if this woman could access cameras at any time and the worker was in every single image with her child, in addition to ignoring (extremely reasonable!) boundaries set by the parent?? just because she works at a daycare doesn't make her not a stranger to the mom, and considering how many current or former daycare employees seem to understand how weird this behaviour is, this comment section is out of line. suggesting that this child isn't loved unless she's getting kissed by this employee??? nah

krystalzombiegirladams avatar
ZombieGirl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see so many people saying this is ok...but it isn't. I've had cold sores since I was a baby because someone kissed me who had them. Just sayin...it's a life long pain in the a*s that caused so much misery in school by kids teasing me, or in adulthood from potential boyfriends being grossed out

deborahbrett avatar
Deborah B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Affection and cuddling babies is fine, kissing is questionable, and should have completely stopped when the mom expressed concerns, especially during a pandemic. What would worry me is the 'her' baby thing where the carer was possessive of the baby, and wouldn't let other carers hold her. Loving a kid you care for is fine, but they're not your kid, and you can't be possessively attached to them. If she's giving mom bad vibes in other ways, the mom is absolutely NTA for raising the issue to the director and asking for her to be moved. She didn't demand the worker be fired, the director made that decision based on the worker's behaviour as a whole. If mom was over-reacting, the director could have simply swapped her with another staff member.

deborahbrett avatar
Deborah B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To clarify: new worker, possessive and overly attached to infant, mom is getting weird vibes. Maybe it's innocent, or maybe this carer was developing a stalker-like obsession.

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dizzied avatar
Dizzie D
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pre-school teacher here and experience with working with babies. You should not be kissing the children at all. Highly inappropriate and confusing for the child. You are there to provide a duty of care, safety and comfort. You are not their parents and that is the problem. A hug and a gentle stroke on the head or arm to comfort if they have fallen or crying is all that these workers should be doing. Kissing and close bonding is obviously for parents or guardians. My problem with this girl in question is her total lack of understanding that there are other children in her care and supervision. You wouldn't have just one worker with one child. The ratio is wrong. So what about the other babies or children she should have been supervising? Perhaps that's why she got fired? She wasn't looking after other children

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going to go against all the"touchy feely" creepos... I would have done the same as this mom. It's a DAYCARE, not a dating service and I would expect professional behavior. You can bond without kissing. It is absolutely not appropriate behavior. I would have sat down with HER and the director, and asked that she stop. I wouldn't try to get her fired. But every parent has a right to say, "I don't want strangers to kiss my child".

charlottebayer avatar
Issey
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That last YTA comment is terrible. Your job is not to "love" the child. You are supposed to take care of it, but there is a LINE. On the inside you can love that child all you want, but what the OP described went way further than that. Working in a daycare doesn't automatically make you a child's mother and having one "favorite child" that no other caretaker can touch and that you constantly carry around? That is highly unprofessional and a red flag. I don't care about the kissing, but hogging and singling out one child because it's your "favorite"? Sorry, but if it goes that far, you have the wrong job.

glowingsun2002 avatar
BadCat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with the people saying there was something else the director felt the need to terminate. The mom really didn't ask to have her fired. The mom is reacting to her maternal instincts, and that's not a bad thing. That is a natural occurring instinct, primitive to survival and protection of a mother's child. Society is bent on gaslighting mothers into doubting this instinct and second-guessing what could be a sound judgement call. Who knows what the real reason of the staff being fired was about but must have been a good reason.

nimabhavansikar avatar
RandomPanda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The kissing and not letting anyone else hold the baby do sound pretty creepy...

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's the kissing that convinced me the daycare employee was in the wrong. It's another thing if a child comes up for a hug, but an 8 month old baby can't yet signal their boundaries - and most children do not, in fact, take kisses when they can choose another form of greeting, even from the extended family. I wouldn't dream of kissing my own nephew all over his face like this, because I wouldn't assume that this is something he'd like from anyone other than his own parents.

chansrubberducky1 avatar
Mochi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean at 8 months, they already have preferences what affection they want. My two youngest brothers already started to not want me to kiss them at that age.

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desireebberg avatar
Venice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The daycare worker developed an unhealthy attachment to the child and the kissing thing with covid and all is Definitely crossing the boundaries. She almost behaved like a pseudo mother to the child. Her unwillingness to correct her behaviour where she possibly felt SHE was the " "mum" showed poor insight into her conduct. Not letting others care for the baby should be troubling. The mum was absolutely right to step in. What's also troubling is having "favourites" at daycare. Yes some kids are not exactly easier to care for, for various reasons like more prone to tantrums, harder to let mum go at drop off. They cant control it. They also deserve equal love and acceptance.

kimikamartin avatar
Microwave Chef
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA OP. HAVE YOU PEOPLE HEARD OF GROOMING? It's fine/normal to have a favorite, but the worker was told about kissing baby and then literally did it in front of her mother. Pandemic or not, keep your lips off people's kids. Being held is necessary for babies, but refusing to let anyone else hold her is not ok. The worker was clearly in the wrong and I applaud OP for stopping it.

ferrusi7f32 avatar
Francesca Ferrusi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I work in a daycare and definitely have a favorite baby. He's been there since he was 4 months old and is now almost 1 1/2. We spend a lot of time with other people's little ones and grow to love them as they do us. However we are very cautious about overstepping boundaries especially with displays of affection. I will admit I have caught myself kissing the babies on the cheek or forehead in order to calm them down or when they do something adorable when playing with them. It's not something that happens often but it happens.

fam_schaeffer avatar
Kathi Schäffer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can understand both sides. I work in a nursery and yes, you always have a favourite or a couple of favourites, it's human. And of course we need to bond with them and some parents get jealous. Maybe they're also sad because they have to work so their kids spend the majority of their day with us. But if one of my colleagues told me that she was the only one allowed to hold a particular child? That's not healthy. The kids are supposed to be comfortable with all three of us (we have three educators per group). What happens if one of us is sick or on holidays and the child has only bonded with one person? That would be huge red flag to me and also wouldn't fit in with our pedagogical concept. About the kissing. Yes, we cuddle with the kids and a lot of them need physical contact to fall asleep. Kissing is off limits. I am so very fond of all the little ones in my care but at the end of the day, the only kids I give kisses to are my friend's kids and my niece.

lisahewes avatar
Lisa H
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think OP is the AH, here. I don't have kids nor do I want kids, but I have cats and have befriended some of the neighborhood pets (I know, not the same thing, but stay with me). There's a particular dog and cat that seem to light up when they see me, so, of course, I say hi and give them pets and scritches and all that, and the dog even gives me kisses all over my face, but I don't give them kisses simply because they are not my pets. I don't want their respective humans to become uncomfortable with me around their animals. I respect the animals' boundaries (even if they don't seem to have any themselves!). Again, I know it's not the same thing as a child, but I can see how OP would be very uncomfortable with the situation given that the woman wouldn't stop kissing the baby. I would be uncomfortable if I saw someone I barely knew pick up my cat and start kissing it, let alone if I had a child in that situation. Gut instincts are correct nearly 100% of the time.

gillandbella avatar
Gillbella
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My son loves his teachers, and I am happy he feels safe to cuddle them 🤷‍♀️

creaturecargeaux avatar
Creature Cargeaux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Idc what anyone says.... kissing someone else's child ESPECIALLY after they told you not to is f****d up. Period. Having a favorite & forming a bond is totally okay. Refusing to allow that child to bond with anyone else at the daycare & refusing to let anyone else care for that child is fucken weird. But then to call the child "her baby" AND KISS THE KID ON THE FACE IN FRONT OF THE PARENT WHO LITERALLY JUST TOLD YOU TO STOP KISSING YOUR FUCKEN CHILD is weird. All of the ppl acting like this is totally normal are weird as f**k. What if this employee was a man...? Would y'all feel differently? Women can be predators too yall. You shouldn't be kissing anyones fucken baby... like... ever. Especially when you're not family. ESPECIALLY when the parents specifically told you not to. Also, don't call someone else's child "my baby" it's not your baby. That's inappropriate & creepy as hell. What if that kid gets confused by this too? Like.. y'all really excusing creepy a*s behaviors

heatherglomb avatar
Heather Glomb
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only issues I could see is the kissing during a pandemic (kinda - like, limit the risk even though the baby is in the daycare where germs are spread the most) and the seemingly obsessive way that the worker wouldn't let anyone else hold the baby. I'd be sort of concerned about the bond being too strong and the rare risk that the worker would snap and snatch my baby and run.

manowce avatar
manowce
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

what annoys me the most here is people complaining that some other people have to leave their kids at daycare. unless you can support them financially until that baby's 18, shut up.

abigailrose_1 avatar
Wysteria_Rose
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, when you work with kids, you understand full and well there are boundaries and strict rules with how you behave with and around them. When they warn you on something and you don't do it, after having a clear conversation about the matter, you STOP or you WILL get fired. Too many awful things happen because people ignore a person's persistent habits that they are warned about. That worker was told to stop kissing on the kid (NEVER appropriate unless they're your family/close friends children) but other behaviors were weird. If this was enough to get her fired, guaranteed there were other things considered as well that the mom DIDN'T see.

laurabamber avatar
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Right now, it’s hard to find daycare workers and daycare spaces so the worker isn’t going to get fired over one complaining parent. I suspect that she behaved in a very concerning way when the director spoke to her or observed her. Of course the staff is affectionate with the little ones - they pick then up, hold them and cuddle them. Her behaviour had to have been quite blatant and the director would have had no alternative.

ahmadpujianto avatar
The Cute Cat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a nurse, part of my work training during school is with babies. Yes we take favorite, but what the women do is too much and need to stop. Understand that you sad that she has been let go. But I guess the director has her own reasons

mayhem0and0meloncholy avatar
Kimberly
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I worked at a Preschool for 6 years. I definitely had a few i was more attached to but I loved them all. Yes, I would hug them often & sometimes kiss a few on the top of their sweet heads. I couldn't help but bond with these little humans! The center closed suddenly due to the Director being horrible at business. That was 3vyears ago & I'm still dealing with depression from missing those kids & that part of my life. I guess I feel too much but I genuinely loved them, & still do. She showed too much favoritism, which was unfair to the child's classmates & didn't follow the parent's wishes so nta.

ellajmoffat-1 avatar
thEBOrdeSTpaNDA
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would've gone with NAH honestly until the part about how the girl refused to let anyone else hold the baby and called her (the baby) 'her baby'. This girl is weirdly jealous and should probably get help. NTA OP.

nikkibates avatar
nikki bates
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can we just all agree that the biggest majority of AITA stories are made up by good story writers, I mean, come on guys, whoever finds most of these situations real?

lauraswearingen-steadwell avatar
Aeon Flux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why didn’t the daycare notice and correct this girl’s behavior? They obviously noticed.

lauraswearingen-steadwell avatar
Aeon Flux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry. Some of them noticed some things; why didn’t they figure out the big picture and tell the girl she was overstepping?

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alaskasharks avatar
Al S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How can you say she has no relationship with your child, when she spends nine hours a day four days a week with her? There are four other adults in the room, each a mandated reporter. The owner may be protecting the business rep, because clearly you like to go online and vent/gossip, but if you really trust the organisation, trust that five carers wouldn't be on camera being inappropriate. As for covid issues, the amount of coughing, sneezing, vomit etc. from babies means they are all exposed if one is infected. That's just the times we live in. You chose to have a baby during a pandemic (based on age of child) these were known risks. You should be glad your child is getting special attention. It's the parents of the other kids who should complain.

twinkletoes37 avatar
Megan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I worked in a preschool, where the youngest children were 10mo-a year old. Yes, they need lots of physical affection. They need hugs. They need to be held. They need their backs rubbed when they're going to sleep. We did that. What we didn't do? Kiss them. There were a couple of times a kiddo would kiss us, usually on the arm but occasionally on the cheek, but we did not kiss them. It is not appropriate. Now, when they said no one else could hold her, I took that as an exaggeration of how much the baby liked that worker, and she would cry for other workers, not that the worker didn't let anyone else hold her. Regardless, mom was well within her rights to complain, and it's likely this wasn't the only problem.

mickeymickey2215 avatar
Feminism is killing society
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This whole article is nothing but a mother with guilt and jealousy. Furthermore, here's basically her system 1. I choose to leave my kid 2. You raise my kid 3. Raise my kid by my rules 4. If you're too good at caring, my ego can't handle it. Therefore, 5. You're fired. Disgusting parenting these days.

chansrubberducky1 avatar
Mochi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That describes a lot of lazy a*s fathers tho. She's being a good mom and I wouldn't let a daycare worker do that to my children either

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stoppy_chan avatar
Stephanie Lynne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know why the post danced around the obvious problem: The mother was concerned that the daycare worker was being inappropriate - as in, she was afraid something was going to happen such as an abduction or some other terrible event involving her child. I mean, maybe she was being overly suspicious, but all she did was talk to the staff about it. She didn't ask them to fire the woman. Perhaps they reviewed the camera and agreed with the mom after watching how she behaved.

alessandramcintosh avatar
Alessandra McIntosh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've seen my sons' daycare teachers give them a hug and a kiss on the cheek before a holiday or something, and it didn't bother me. They spend 45hours a week with them, they help them learn and grow...of course they're going to love the kids! And the pandemic doesn't make a difference- any germs the teachers/kids have are going to be passed around so many different ways- toys, food, touching, breathing the same air...But based on this story, it was way more than a quick kiss goodbye, and the mother wasn't comfortable with it, so the teacher needed to stop. And if the woman wasn't paying attention to other children, or wouldn't let other teachers near the child, that's a way bigger issue. But like many said, it seems like this was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

lilwerekeitzen avatar
LillyWu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Younger girls are overly enthusiastic on their displays of affection, she bonded with that particular baby and would have put her hands on fire for the baby, the mother should have spoken clearly but gently about the fact that so much kissing on her face was out of line. Now that girl will me traumatized because showing affection cost her a job

lilwerekeitzen avatar
LillyWu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All this a**hole woman had to do was to talk directly with the girl in question and tell her how much it bothered her to see her kissing her baby so much, not to create so much drama and got her fired for showing that baby affection. I was a nanny for a cardio thoracic surgeon woman who worked all the time, 7 days a week, 365 days of the year, I didn't kiss her baby other than the occasional top of his head to show him affection while holding him because I was with him all day long, she got jealous because he called me mom, even though I gently corrected him every time and asked him to call me by my name, she let me go because she couldn't handle her baby loving someone else, as if the baby would "run out" of love for her ....

jessica_28 avatar
Jessica
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've worked in daycare for many years in the past. I've also worked at three different locations. My coworkers and I did have our favorites. Different personalities click better with different people. I had babies that I took care of more. But I never kissed them. And I didn't act like they were mine. At one daycare, I was assigned 5 babies to take care of myself. The other teachers had their own assigned babies. That particular daycare, I did not like. It's not easy caring for these babies all day with no help, considering they were not my babies. It's actually refreshing taking care of a variety of babies whenever they need something instead of just focusing on one child. I will say, from my experience, if you child isn't a favorite, they might not get treated the best. That sounds awful, and I addressed these concerns to the director numerous times, but nothing changed. Actually, I saw it at two different daycares, and neither director did anything.

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Trillian
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are CAMERAS at the daycare and you get hourly updates? What are you all, paranoid??? The poor daycare workers, living with such surveillance.

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A C
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes. You're an a*****e. When you drop your child off for care..... it makes sense to care for your child like a child.... not a piece of linen at the cleaners. People can be so....odd...

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Reece Aster
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I avoided kisses as a daycare teacher, but children were very affectionate with me. I would kiss their feet sometimes during diaper changes and then pretend I was eating them to make them laugh. I had favorites too and did spend more time with them. I had some non favorites too that I look back on and wish I'd done things differently. The kissing on face a bit inappropriate and should have mostly stopped (we all slip up occasionally). In the end the parents were very appreciative of how much I loved the children.

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Jay Weigel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I worked daycare many years ago, and yes, I had favorites. It's hard not to. I would kiss the kids on top of their heads, but not on their faces. Even that many years ago, I knew that was a no-no. Little kids spread germs quicker than adults do, let me tell you! I would also kiss their boo-boos when they fell down (knees or elbows, mainly) *after* I washed them up and applied band-aids. You're an alternate mommy in that situation. Don't go too overboard, moms, if you see us loving and hugging your babies. We love them too...we should!

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Mindy Haun
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like a lot of people can't tell when boundaries are crossed to me. It's highly inappropriate. Especially when the mom asked her to stop, she didn't, called her her baby and wouldn't let anyone else take care of her, as well as being the only one holding her in ever single photo taken, and every time the mom checked the cameras which are there for the parents to check on the app.

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Sydney-Kate
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That’s a tough situation, but if i was that mom i would have probably felt a little weirded out or gotten the same bad vibes. Without a lot of info on the mother, the child, and the girl at the facility you can’t properly judge the situation though.

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UpupaEpops
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm SO glad I wasn't raised in the West. I come from a pretty s**t family. Literally the only physical affection I have received came from teachers and other care workers. I'm not saying that I would have died without human touch, but I can't tell you how much I needed those hugs. I still need them as an adult, but as a kid, I was so deprived of physical affection that I would literally burst into tears whenever I saw other parents hugging their children.

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Elizabeth Rose
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

they've actually done some studies where babies did die from not being held, also did some with monkeys where one "mom" was made of pokey wire and another was covered in soft cloth and the baby monkeys with the wire "mom" showed antisocial traits, weren't well adjusted and some died there too. So, yeah. Not getting that affection can definitely set us up for problems down the line. It's a big deal and you matter. You may not have died but they failed you, it wasn't fair and you deserved more than you got. I hope you give yourself everything you were denied in the form of extraordinary acts of self care, daily affirmations, good coping skills & more. They call it reparenting and I work on that daily. Whether it's coaching myself through something stressful "hey, I'm proud of you, you're doing amazing! look at what you've accomplished!" or a little correction "hey. hey! what's going on with you?" Sounds corny but it can help. Oh, and here's an internet hug, actually a million!

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Sarah Brown
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a tricky situation , you're leaving your child in the care of others all day so of course a worker will develop some sort of attachment. Clearly your daughter liked the woman as they said she was your daughters favorite and your daughter wouldn't let anyone else hold her except for that girl. For a child to have a favorite person and act that way that means the child trusts that person and feels safe and happy with that person, you should actually feel happy that someone is treating and taking care of your child so well that your child loves them. I understand being upset about the kissing i would be too if anyone did that to my son during a pandemic on the other hand if there wasn't a pandemic i don't really see the fuss since babies crave affection and kissing all over their face is not only funny to a baby it's also giving affection the baby craves. As for her always being in the pictures that's not surprising considering once again that that girl is your daughters favorite so of course she'll be in the photos since that girl is the main one always with her and caring for her. It seems to me that they were both attached to each other and your a bit jealous which i don't blame you as a mother i would be too but you need to understand you are gone all day and your daughter is spending hours with someone else while your not there so attachment will form between her and her caregiver. There's nothing wrong with missing and loving a child especially when you spend hours everyday caring for that child. Besides the kissing i don't see any alarming behavior honestly, you should have felt very happy your child was around someone like that especially considering how many daycare workers have been accused/arrested for abusing children in their care. As for her saying "her baby" i don't see much harm in that as long as it's in jest, i have friends and acquaintances and family members who will say "where's my baby? There's my baby!" When they see my son. Or when they text/call me they'll be like "how's my baby doing?. Now if she or other people were saying that in a serious way making anyone believe that really is their child or if she truly felt your daughter actually was her baby then that's where you have a problem and should be concerned. Her actions don't scream "obsessed" to me, it really just seems like attachment between a caregiver and your child.

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SillyPandaBunny
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t believe this teacher was giving the child the chance to choose a favorite teacher, she chose for her.

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Timothy Hughes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You were jealous of the time the worker was spending with your child. The individual attention wasn't too much. I'd rather have someone supervise my child with know they would lay down their life for my kid. That woman seems like she would, but the others? Point being made, you just had a perfectly good daycare worker get fired because of your insecurities.

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Leilani K. M. Martin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was a preschool teacher in college before I went to law school and fell in love with many, many babies! But, there was one mother who complained about me after her infant daughter would reach out for me in the mornings instead of screaming like she used to before I started working there. The mother was upset that her baby stopped screaming! Another mother got upset when her baby didn't want to leave to go home with her. Another mother refused to bring in more than two bottles even though her baby was still hungry and was furious with me when I told her her baby needed more food. I bought that baby formula with my own money. These three mothers all told lies about me that were easily refuted by the 24 hour surveillance video. I learned a lot about how terrible a jealous and insecure woman can be from that job. Loved babies and children but never went back to child care work. Couldn't stomach all those crazy mothers. Never kissed any of the babies, though. Too many germs for them!

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Stuart Irvin
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

she is the ahole. she ruined a dedicated workers life by being jealous her child likes someone aside from her mother. maybe the red flags here are on the mother. babies will crawl (no pun intended) to whoever shows them affection. what if the worker didnt let anyone else carry her because she knew the baby would just start crying? im not a daycare worker but i do have a.... erm... whats the term? hes the son of a cousin. that i ocassionaly pickup from daycare because his parent work. ive seen toddlers start crying their hearts out because another worker started carrying them. just like workers can have a favorite, toddlers ABSOLUTELY have their favorites. and since they are babies, you take them out of their comfort zone, they WILL cry.

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Noturmomma
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Both of my kids were daycare babies bc I have to work. I was always happy to see when they were favored. It told me my baby was being taken care of and had love and too notch care while I was working. Sounds to me like a jealous guilty mom. I certainly had mom guilt but it actually made me feel better knowing they were taken care of. Sounds like she doesn't feel like she's spending enough time with her baby.

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Tigerpacingthecage
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

8 months old is still a little baby. They need affection and to be close. I don't think that's necessarily wrong. Also, young children often choose to bond with a specific care giver. We are not allowed to put children under 1yr in daycare/preschool here (so they have a chance to fully bond with their parents first) but I remember all my kids having "specific" teachers that they strongly preferred when they started at 1,5yrs, especially in the beginning. Its one thing if we talk about older kids but small babies/children could benefit from that sense of safety. Imo. I do understand how it can feel as a parent though, especially when your baby is that young still... sort of the fear of being "replaced" maybe.

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Vladimíra Matejová
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think OP should have talked to the teacher not the director if she didnt like the way the child was treated. its the "i wanna talk to the manager" attitude that makes her an AH. she didnt see the teacher and her POV.

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kat lia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

she just bonded with her daughter and i think she cares for her. i don't think it is malicious. even patents has favorites. i used to volunteered in a pet shelter and i had a favorite cat. i think that lady was let go because of her complaints.

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Izzy Curer
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not a parent, so I may be lacking some basic instinct here, but I have to play devil's advocate. A lot of what triggered Op was what was said to her by a completely different employee. That person was the one who called the daughter 'her baby', and made it sound like the girl wouldn't let anyone else handle her. It sounds to me like that person was trying to play the other girl up to Op, as if to say, 'this is how much we care about your kid,' in an almost teasing, cutsey way. That person was the one who lacked sense in what was appropriate. I doubt the other girl has that much actual power at the daycare center. It just seems to me that the comment could have sprung from some inhouse silliness, knowing that the girl was especially fond of the baby. I realize the final straw was the kiss on the head, which the girl shouldn't have done since Op had asked her not to, however, I'm not sure that one transgression was worth her losing her job. Op has cameras, and doesn't say anything about the girl kissing on the baby throughout the day after she requested her stop. My guess is the girl made a dumb mistake in a burst of I've-been-holding-babies-all-day sort of emotion at the end of an exhausting day. Op should have said something to the girl right then, and that probably would have been the end of it

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Thundercuss
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I rarely think after reading these that the OP is the a__hole, but I do with this one.

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The Cat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My closest family member, besides my mom, just had a couple kids within the last 18 mins. She handed me the first just after birth and offered me dagger eyes the entire time (according to my SO to be fair). No pictures requested. 1st Bday, no pictures and the rest of the family was arriving next day. Due date one month away. Next baby, a little less daggers, but also I was more conscientious of the jealousy of the previous encounter and of our entire lives. Still did not care to have a picture. Not my place or problem. Sad the kids won't have those memories, especially since before all of this, I've been acting family historian for a couple of years after my late grandpa gave me all of the pictures. I gave the family the information to access all of the family photos, including their own, and nothing. Too bad, they are missing out!

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Exotic Butters
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with SIL, but it your baby. Do what you gotta mama. Seriously, I do only know a few sentences but you got the vibe.

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Christine Bach
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The other day care employee acknowledged the baby was the worker's favorite but no one at this highly regarded day care center noticed that the employee was smothering the child with kisses. And then this self taught psychiatrist diagnosed the worker as obsessive because she kissed the baby on the forehead, looked sad and said she would miss her so much. I used to own a boarding kennel and would say the same thing to every animal that was being picked no matter how big a pain some of them were. Totally with the SIL here and I think mom was wildly exaggerating the employees behavior.

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Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow! I say talk to the worker but stop with all the complaining! Even though you did not request her to be fired, your actions caused her termination. I am really on the fence regarding this one.

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Linziaj
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughters a childcare worker and whilst, yes, they do have favorite children, there's absolutely no way they be kissing and cooing over it. She definitely over stepped but maybe a short sharp talking too would have sufficed

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CatsWearingHats
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like the woman has lost a baby of her own, and found comfort in this woman’s. Or, the woman is just taking extreme care of her baby, scare for it, as many young / new mothers are.

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Janice Strickland
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only issue I've had with my daycare is picking my son up after being there 8 to 10 hours and he still have chocolate milk is his cup from breakfast. How do I know it's the same chocolate milk? They don't serve chocolate milk. Only water all day and white milk at lunch. I was furious. It happened again. So now I just use a separate cup and said f it

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Misty Souders
Community Member
1 year ago

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Ok. Let me get this straight. You were upset about the kissing on the forehead. Lady youn people drop off your kids day in and day out and go to work 9ntrn hours days. You ought to be lucky that that teacher even Doty on her. As as a preschool teacher myself. We are sometimes with your kids more then you. This is just a small glimpse into my every day job. They you seem to take for granted. Yes. These kids build bonds with us. B. There with us more then youm. Would you rather have your kids in loving environment where their loved and getting a good education. Or in a class where the unwanted. Think about that the next time. You really need to apologize to the school as well as that teacher.

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Elaine L
Community Member
1 year ago

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I'm leaning towards mom is jealous of the worker. She spends 4 days a week at daycare so she is there as much as she is home and there's not supposed to be any kind of bond development?? Its like we always say work is our second home, well daycare is the baby's second home. I get and agree no kissing all over the face. But a peck on the head and telling a child you'll miss them when you spend 40hrs a week with them seems reasonable. The image I get is baby leaving grandma's house. My daughter's caregivers told her they'd miss her all the time. Even said they'd take her home if they could. And guess what. They never kidnapped her. This I need more info on. The "my baby" comment, was it she's mine don't touch her or was it like she's my baby because I'm her favorite? People call sports teams "my team" all the time. Does anyone really think that person owns the team? Also, "no one else can hold her", is it the worker won't allow it or the baby always wants that worker when others try?

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JinjoBread
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A daycare worker kissing other people's babies and saying "my baby" is f****d up.

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wv10014
Community Member
1 year ago

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YTA! You should be happy that a daycare worker cared about your baby!

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K O
Community Member
1 year ago

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Seems like an a*****e to me - do you want your baby left alone in a corner all day with no human contact? Sounds to me that someone has underlying sadness about missing bonding with her kid and is jealous of the worker because she bonded with the kid

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The Moop Of Venice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean the daycare lady was developing a unhealthy bond with a child that was not her own sooo........no the OP is not a Karen

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Katinka Min
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1 year ago

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YTA. Next time try to speak to the person directly, instead of running straight to the boss. Sheesh, the gall of that woman daring actually adore your daughter and make her happy.

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Mik
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1 year ago

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I intern-ed at two daycare's so I'll say YTA because I met to much people not caring or openly being mean to the kids. Also being fake nice when the parent was around which the mom could have known because of her daughters very confused face. But picking a daycare with hourerly reports, pictures and video is allready a little red flag for me. If you want to see how they are just look ar your kid around them, even when very young. And be freaking happy when your kid is happy. But I did not go work in that sector because openly-mean told me I wasn't aloud to distract a very sick baby from her pain because I would be spoiling her.

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JinjoBread
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think you're missing the point. It was an inappropriate amount of affection.

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Glasia van Duivels
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1 year ago

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Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where in the world do you live that has paid parental leave of 2 years? I'm gonna guess Scandinavia? Most parents in the world don't have that luxury.

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Xervesk
Community Member
1 year ago

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OP was definitely TA in my opinion. How sad that she wants to deprive her child of physical affection. Honestly, some assholes shouldn't breed

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Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Would you really consider it "affection" if a relative stranger was constantly kissing you all over the face? I wouldn't! But I'm old enough to a) know that, and b) speak up. Babies aren't there for others to show their affection, they're human beings who don't have to be subjected to that just because somebody thinks they're cute.

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Kesam
Community Member
1 year ago

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Oh no! Your baby is bonding with someone where they spend hours every day! Well, we can't have that! 😱

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Michelle May
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1 year ago

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Maxi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We are Humans, we are supposed to bond with and love. We aren't robots and it would be really strange for the baby not to receive any kind of love all the day long!

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GoGoPDX
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She came across jealous to me. I can understand not kissing her all over the face, but I would love to know someone was treating my child so well. What is the difference between what that worker was doing compared to what a nanny, only working with your child, would do.

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Tams21
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I worked for years as a daycare worker in Germany before becoming a teacher. Providing a loving and caring environment, particularly at that age is very important but some of the behaviour here was very inappropriate. In particular, spending a disproportionate amount of time with one child is unprofessional and totally not fair toward the other children. Not letting anyone else hold her would raise a big red flag to me - after decades around daycare centres as a parent or teacher, this would freak me out. I imagine management already had concerns about the girl and complaint was probably the last straw

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Iifa A.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kissing even without the pandemic highly inappropriate. But I had only one teacher in kindergarten for 4-5years who made a fuss over me. In those years I never played with other children (hatred with passion to this day), I also hated all teachers who forced me.into activities, then punished if didn't participate. The older I got the more I needed that.one teacher to explain me, why my feelings are valid and it's okay not to enjoy company. I was a child who ran away when my.parents organised birthdays. Sometimes children trust one figure,and it's important for them to know it is not wrong to have a favorite. After all we marry our favourite person, make friends with people we like, and boundaries are healthy part of all relationships. I'm 30+ old now, I can't name a single classmate out of 40 people I spent 9yrs.tpgether, I have no kindergarten names and we all lived in a city of 3000 people. Remarkable people are rare, I'm lucky my mum encouraged the relationship. And didn't say creep

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Somber Stricken
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's so weird the amount of people calling the mother "jealous". Working in childcare for several years what that worker did was creepy and inappropriate. Not to mention, not allowed. We have strick rules we have to follow for health and safety reasons. There's a problem with workers having a favorite child, which is really aggravating because that child gets more attention and the worker will probably not help with other children... You know do their job? The mother isn't jealous, you people are weird af.

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propgamer XL
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1 year ago

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SillyPandaBunny
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Former daycare worker and private nanny here. I loved being a teacher and I loved being a nanny. I can even go so far as saying I loved my students, but there is a clear line one does not cross and that is having any notions that the child is yours, that the child needs you more than any other teacher or caregiver, that you should love that child exactly like you would your own child. I would have protected my students from any harm just as I would have protected my own child, but it was always with the understanding that their own parents loved them to a degree I could not. I know it might seem hard to distinguish considering how caring and attentive I was to all my students and charges and how caring and attentive I was to my own child but while worries for any challenges my child faced in life kept me up at night, once my students/charges where back in their own parents loving arms, I did not worry about them or even wonder what they were doing.

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SillyPandaBunny
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Teachers / Nanny’s jobs are to keep children safe and enrich their learning while the parents are away. The behavior described is obsessive and a clear red flag that this person had stepped over the line of caregiver and into the realm of stalker. I know it sounds harsh but you have to be able to remain professional in this role. Had I witnessed any of my colleagues displaying this same behavior with any student, I would have reported them myself.

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Derek Clark
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've worked in child care and I've hugged kids and of course held them but the kissing? Never. It's okay to bond with one child more but it's not okay to solely take care of that one child. It's good to bond, it's not good to claim, and that's what the woman was doing. You're taking care of kids for the parents, you're not the parent. If you start to forget that, then childcare isn't the right fit.

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Alex Boyd
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I totally agree that there must be more to the story for the employee to be fired, than just the mother going to the director twice with concerns that the worker likes her baby too much. To me, "Ended up letting her go" sounds like maybe when the director spoke to the employee about the behavior, or about her "favorite baby" being moved to another room, the employee took it so badly that letting her go became the obvious and necessary move.

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mind yours
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

??????? wtf y'all, this doesn't sound like jealousy at all, if this woman could access cameras at any time and the worker was in every single image with her child, in addition to ignoring (extremely reasonable!) boundaries set by the parent?? just because she works at a daycare doesn't make her not a stranger to the mom, and considering how many current or former daycare employees seem to understand how weird this behaviour is, this comment section is out of line. suggesting that this child isn't loved unless she's getting kissed by this employee??? nah

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ZombieGirl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see so many people saying this is ok...but it isn't. I've had cold sores since I was a baby because someone kissed me who had them. Just sayin...it's a life long pain in the a*s that caused so much misery in school by kids teasing me, or in adulthood from potential boyfriends being grossed out

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Deborah B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Affection and cuddling babies is fine, kissing is questionable, and should have completely stopped when the mom expressed concerns, especially during a pandemic. What would worry me is the 'her' baby thing where the carer was possessive of the baby, and wouldn't let other carers hold her. Loving a kid you care for is fine, but they're not your kid, and you can't be possessively attached to them. If she's giving mom bad vibes in other ways, the mom is absolutely NTA for raising the issue to the director and asking for her to be moved. She didn't demand the worker be fired, the director made that decision based on the worker's behaviour as a whole. If mom was over-reacting, the director could have simply swapped her with another staff member.

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Deborah B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To clarify: new worker, possessive and overly attached to infant, mom is getting weird vibes. Maybe it's innocent, or maybe this carer was developing a stalker-like obsession.

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Dizzie D
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pre-school teacher here and experience with working with babies. You should not be kissing the children at all. Highly inappropriate and confusing for the child. You are there to provide a duty of care, safety and comfort. You are not their parents and that is the problem. A hug and a gentle stroke on the head or arm to comfort if they have fallen or crying is all that these workers should be doing. Kissing and close bonding is obviously for parents or guardians. My problem with this girl in question is her total lack of understanding that there are other children in her care and supervision. You wouldn't have just one worker with one child. The ratio is wrong. So what about the other babies or children she should have been supervising? Perhaps that's why she got fired? She wasn't looking after other children

tina_newman_1 avatar
Not_Tellin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going to go against all the"touchy feely" creepos... I would have done the same as this mom. It's a DAYCARE, not a dating service and I would expect professional behavior. You can bond without kissing. It is absolutely not appropriate behavior. I would have sat down with HER and the director, and asked that she stop. I wouldn't try to get her fired. But every parent has a right to say, "I don't want strangers to kiss my child".

charlottebayer avatar
Issey
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That last YTA comment is terrible. Your job is not to "love" the child. You are supposed to take care of it, but there is a LINE. On the inside you can love that child all you want, but what the OP described went way further than that. Working in a daycare doesn't automatically make you a child's mother and having one "favorite child" that no other caretaker can touch and that you constantly carry around? That is highly unprofessional and a red flag. I don't care about the kissing, but hogging and singling out one child because it's your "favorite"? Sorry, but if it goes that far, you have the wrong job.

glowingsun2002 avatar
BadCat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with the people saying there was something else the director felt the need to terminate. The mom really didn't ask to have her fired. The mom is reacting to her maternal instincts, and that's not a bad thing. That is a natural occurring instinct, primitive to survival and protection of a mother's child. Society is bent on gaslighting mothers into doubting this instinct and second-guessing what could be a sound judgement call. Who knows what the real reason of the staff being fired was about but must have been a good reason.

nimabhavansikar avatar
RandomPanda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The kissing and not letting anyone else hold the baby do sound pretty creepy...

an-gu avatar
Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's the kissing that convinced me the daycare employee was in the wrong. It's another thing if a child comes up for a hug, but an 8 month old baby can't yet signal their boundaries - and most children do not, in fact, take kisses when they can choose another form of greeting, even from the extended family. I wouldn't dream of kissing my own nephew all over his face like this, because I wouldn't assume that this is something he'd like from anyone other than his own parents.

chansrubberducky1 avatar
Mochi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean at 8 months, they already have preferences what affection they want. My two youngest brothers already started to not want me to kiss them at that age.

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desireebberg avatar
Venice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The daycare worker developed an unhealthy attachment to the child and the kissing thing with covid and all is Definitely crossing the boundaries. She almost behaved like a pseudo mother to the child. Her unwillingness to correct her behaviour where she possibly felt SHE was the " "mum" showed poor insight into her conduct. Not letting others care for the baby should be troubling. The mum was absolutely right to step in. What's also troubling is having "favourites" at daycare. Yes some kids are not exactly easier to care for, for various reasons like more prone to tantrums, harder to let mum go at drop off. They cant control it. They also deserve equal love and acceptance.

kimikamartin avatar
Microwave Chef
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA OP. HAVE YOU PEOPLE HEARD OF GROOMING? It's fine/normal to have a favorite, but the worker was told about kissing baby and then literally did it in front of her mother. Pandemic or not, keep your lips off people's kids. Being held is necessary for babies, but refusing to let anyone else hold her is not ok. The worker was clearly in the wrong and I applaud OP for stopping it.

ferrusi7f32 avatar
Francesca Ferrusi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I work in a daycare and definitely have a favorite baby. He's been there since he was 4 months old and is now almost 1 1/2. We spend a lot of time with other people's little ones and grow to love them as they do us. However we are very cautious about overstepping boundaries especially with displays of affection. I will admit I have caught myself kissing the babies on the cheek or forehead in order to calm them down or when they do something adorable when playing with them. It's not something that happens often but it happens.

fam_schaeffer avatar
Kathi Schäffer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can understand both sides. I work in a nursery and yes, you always have a favourite or a couple of favourites, it's human. And of course we need to bond with them and some parents get jealous. Maybe they're also sad because they have to work so their kids spend the majority of their day with us. But if one of my colleagues told me that she was the only one allowed to hold a particular child? That's not healthy. The kids are supposed to be comfortable with all three of us (we have three educators per group). What happens if one of us is sick or on holidays and the child has only bonded with one person? That would be huge red flag to me and also wouldn't fit in with our pedagogical concept. About the kissing. Yes, we cuddle with the kids and a lot of them need physical contact to fall asleep. Kissing is off limits. I am so very fond of all the little ones in my care but at the end of the day, the only kids I give kisses to are my friend's kids and my niece.

lisahewes avatar
Lisa H
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think OP is the AH, here. I don't have kids nor do I want kids, but I have cats and have befriended some of the neighborhood pets (I know, not the same thing, but stay with me). There's a particular dog and cat that seem to light up when they see me, so, of course, I say hi and give them pets and scritches and all that, and the dog even gives me kisses all over my face, but I don't give them kisses simply because they are not my pets. I don't want their respective humans to become uncomfortable with me around their animals. I respect the animals' boundaries (even if they don't seem to have any themselves!). Again, I know it's not the same thing as a child, but I can see how OP would be very uncomfortable with the situation given that the woman wouldn't stop kissing the baby. I would be uncomfortable if I saw someone I barely knew pick up my cat and start kissing it, let alone if I had a child in that situation. Gut instincts are correct nearly 100% of the time.

gillandbella avatar
Gillbella
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My son loves his teachers, and I am happy he feels safe to cuddle them 🤷‍♀️

creaturecargeaux avatar
Creature Cargeaux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Idc what anyone says.... kissing someone else's child ESPECIALLY after they told you not to is f****d up. Period. Having a favorite & forming a bond is totally okay. Refusing to allow that child to bond with anyone else at the daycare & refusing to let anyone else care for that child is fucken weird. But then to call the child "her baby" AND KISS THE KID ON THE FACE IN FRONT OF THE PARENT WHO LITERALLY JUST TOLD YOU TO STOP KISSING YOUR FUCKEN CHILD is weird. All of the ppl acting like this is totally normal are weird as f**k. What if this employee was a man...? Would y'all feel differently? Women can be predators too yall. You shouldn't be kissing anyones fucken baby... like... ever. Especially when you're not family. ESPECIALLY when the parents specifically told you not to. Also, don't call someone else's child "my baby" it's not your baby. That's inappropriate & creepy as hell. What if that kid gets confused by this too? Like.. y'all really excusing creepy a*s behaviors

heatherglomb avatar
Heather Glomb
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only issues I could see is the kissing during a pandemic (kinda - like, limit the risk even though the baby is in the daycare where germs are spread the most) and the seemingly obsessive way that the worker wouldn't let anyone else hold the baby. I'd be sort of concerned about the bond being too strong and the rare risk that the worker would snap and snatch my baby and run.

manowce avatar
manowce
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

what annoys me the most here is people complaining that some other people have to leave their kids at daycare. unless you can support them financially until that baby's 18, shut up.

abigailrose_1 avatar
Wysteria_Rose
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, when you work with kids, you understand full and well there are boundaries and strict rules with how you behave with and around them. When they warn you on something and you don't do it, after having a clear conversation about the matter, you STOP or you WILL get fired. Too many awful things happen because people ignore a person's persistent habits that they are warned about. That worker was told to stop kissing on the kid (NEVER appropriate unless they're your family/close friends children) but other behaviors were weird. If this was enough to get her fired, guaranteed there were other things considered as well that the mom DIDN'T see.

laurabamber avatar
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Right now, it’s hard to find daycare workers and daycare spaces so the worker isn’t going to get fired over one complaining parent. I suspect that she behaved in a very concerning way when the director spoke to her or observed her. Of course the staff is affectionate with the little ones - they pick then up, hold them and cuddle them. Her behaviour had to have been quite blatant and the director would have had no alternative.

ahmadpujianto avatar
The Cute Cat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a nurse, part of my work training during school is with babies. Yes we take favorite, but what the women do is too much and need to stop. Understand that you sad that she has been let go. But I guess the director has her own reasons

mayhem0and0meloncholy avatar
Kimberly
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I worked at a Preschool for 6 years. I definitely had a few i was more attached to but I loved them all. Yes, I would hug them often & sometimes kiss a few on the top of their sweet heads. I couldn't help but bond with these little humans! The center closed suddenly due to the Director being horrible at business. That was 3vyears ago & I'm still dealing with depression from missing those kids & that part of my life. I guess I feel too much but I genuinely loved them, & still do. She showed too much favoritism, which was unfair to the child's classmates & didn't follow the parent's wishes so nta.

ellajmoffat-1 avatar
thEBOrdeSTpaNDA
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would've gone with NAH honestly until the part about how the girl refused to let anyone else hold the baby and called her (the baby) 'her baby'. This girl is weirdly jealous and should probably get help. NTA OP.

nikkibates avatar
nikki bates
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can we just all agree that the biggest majority of AITA stories are made up by good story writers, I mean, come on guys, whoever finds most of these situations real?

lauraswearingen-steadwell avatar
Aeon Flux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why didn’t the daycare notice and correct this girl’s behavior? They obviously noticed.

lauraswearingen-steadwell avatar
Aeon Flux
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry. Some of them noticed some things; why didn’t they figure out the big picture and tell the girl she was overstepping?

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alaskasharks avatar
Al S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How can you say she has no relationship with your child, when she spends nine hours a day four days a week with her? There are four other adults in the room, each a mandated reporter. The owner may be protecting the business rep, because clearly you like to go online and vent/gossip, but if you really trust the organisation, trust that five carers wouldn't be on camera being inappropriate. As for covid issues, the amount of coughing, sneezing, vomit etc. from babies means they are all exposed if one is infected. That's just the times we live in. You chose to have a baby during a pandemic (based on age of child) these were known risks. You should be glad your child is getting special attention. It's the parents of the other kids who should complain.

twinkletoes37 avatar
Megan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I worked in a preschool, where the youngest children were 10mo-a year old. Yes, they need lots of physical affection. They need hugs. They need to be held. They need their backs rubbed when they're going to sleep. We did that. What we didn't do? Kiss them. There were a couple of times a kiddo would kiss us, usually on the arm but occasionally on the cheek, but we did not kiss them. It is not appropriate. Now, when they said no one else could hold her, I took that as an exaggeration of how much the baby liked that worker, and she would cry for other workers, not that the worker didn't let anyone else hold her. Regardless, mom was well within her rights to complain, and it's likely this wasn't the only problem.

mickeymickey2215 avatar
Feminism is killing society
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This whole article is nothing but a mother with guilt and jealousy. Furthermore, here's basically her system 1. I choose to leave my kid 2. You raise my kid 3. Raise my kid by my rules 4. If you're too good at caring, my ego can't handle it. Therefore, 5. You're fired. Disgusting parenting these days.

chansrubberducky1 avatar
Mochi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That describes a lot of lazy a*s fathers tho. She's being a good mom and I wouldn't let a daycare worker do that to my children either

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stoppy_chan avatar
Stephanie Lynne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know why the post danced around the obvious problem: The mother was concerned that the daycare worker was being inappropriate - as in, she was afraid something was going to happen such as an abduction or some other terrible event involving her child. I mean, maybe she was being overly suspicious, but all she did was talk to the staff about it. She didn't ask them to fire the woman. Perhaps they reviewed the camera and agreed with the mom after watching how she behaved.

alessandramcintosh avatar
Alessandra McIntosh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've seen my sons' daycare teachers give them a hug and a kiss on the cheek before a holiday or something, and it didn't bother me. They spend 45hours a week with them, they help them learn and grow...of course they're going to love the kids! And the pandemic doesn't make a difference- any germs the teachers/kids have are going to be passed around so many different ways- toys, food, touching, breathing the same air...But based on this story, it was way more than a quick kiss goodbye, and the mother wasn't comfortable with it, so the teacher needed to stop. And if the woman wasn't paying attention to other children, or wouldn't let other teachers near the child, that's a way bigger issue. But like many said, it seems like this was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

lilwerekeitzen avatar
LillyWu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Younger girls are overly enthusiastic on their displays of affection, she bonded with that particular baby and would have put her hands on fire for the baby, the mother should have spoken clearly but gently about the fact that so much kissing on her face was out of line. Now that girl will me traumatized because showing affection cost her a job

lilwerekeitzen avatar
LillyWu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All this a**hole woman had to do was to talk directly with the girl in question and tell her how much it bothered her to see her kissing her baby so much, not to create so much drama and got her fired for showing that baby affection. I was a nanny for a cardio thoracic surgeon woman who worked all the time, 7 days a week, 365 days of the year, I didn't kiss her baby other than the occasional top of his head to show him affection while holding him because I was with him all day long, she got jealous because he called me mom, even though I gently corrected him every time and asked him to call me by my name, she let me go because she couldn't handle her baby loving someone else, as if the baby would "run out" of love for her ....

jessica_28 avatar
Jessica
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've worked in daycare for many years in the past. I've also worked at three different locations. My coworkers and I did have our favorites. Different personalities click better with different people. I had babies that I took care of more. But I never kissed them. And I didn't act like they were mine. At one daycare, I was assigned 5 babies to take care of myself. The other teachers had their own assigned babies. That particular daycare, I did not like. It's not easy caring for these babies all day with no help, considering they were not my babies. It's actually refreshing taking care of a variety of babies whenever they need something instead of just focusing on one child. I will say, from my experience, if you child isn't a favorite, they might not get treated the best. That sounds awful, and I addressed these concerns to the director numerous times, but nothing changed. Actually, I saw it at two different daycares, and neither director did anything.

zora24_1 avatar
Trillian
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are CAMERAS at the daycare and you get hourly updates? What are you all, paranoid??? The poor daycare workers, living with such surveillance.

ac_5 avatar
A C
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes. You're an a*****e. When you drop your child off for care..... it makes sense to care for your child like a child.... not a piece of linen at the cleaners. People can be so....odd...

jessica_aster1 avatar
Reece Aster
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I avoided kisses as a daycare teacher, but children were very affectionate with me. I would kiss their feet sometimes during diaper changes and then pretend I was eating them to make them laugh. I had favorites too and did spend more time with them. I had some non favorites too that I look back on and wish I'd done things differently. The kissing on face a bit inappropriate and should have mostly stopped (we all slip up occasionally). In the end the parents were very appreciative of how much I loved the children.

jay_weigel avatar
Jay Weigel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I worked daycare many years ago, and yes, I had favorites. It's hard not to. I would kiss the kids on top of their heads, but not on their faces. Even that many years ago, I knew that was a no-no. Little kids spread germs quicker than adults do, let me tell you! I would also kiss their boo-boos when they fell down (knees or elbows, mainly) *after* I washed them up and applied band-aids. You're an alternate mommy in that situation. Don't go too overboard, moms, if you see us loving and hugging your babies. We love them too...we should!

spazz20032004 avatar
mindyhaun6 avatar
Mindy Haun
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like a lot of people can't tell when boundaries are crossed to me. It's highly inappropriate. Especially when the mom asked her to stop, she didn't, called her her baby and wouldn't let anyone else take care of her, as well as being the only one holding her in ever single photo taken, and every time the mom checked the cameras which are there for the parents to check on the app.

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sydneyrue avatar
Sydney-Kate
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That’s a tough situation, but if i was that mom i would have probably felt a little weirded out or gotten the same bad vibes. Without a lot of info on the mother, the child, and the girl at the facility you can’t properly judge the situation though.

zselyke_szekely avatar
UpupaEpops
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm SO glad I wasn't raised in the West. I come from a pretty s**t family. Literally the only physical affection I have received came from teachers and other care workers. I'm not saying that I would have died without human touch, but I can't tell you how much I needed those hugs. I still need them as an adult, but as a kid, I was so deprived of physical affection that I would literally burst into tears whenever I saw other parents hugging their children.

elizabeth_rose avatar
Elizabeth Rose
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

they've actually done some studies where babies did die from not being held, also did some with monkeys where one "mom" was made of pokey wire and another was covered in soft cloth and the baby monkeys with the wire "mom" showed antisocial traits, weren't well adjusted and some died there too. So, yeah. Not getting that affection can definitely set us up for problems down the line. It's a big deal and you matter. You may not have died but they failed you, it wasn't fair and you deserved more than you got. I hope you give yourself everything you were denied in the form of extraordinary acts of self care, daily affirmations, good coping skills & more. They call it reparenting and I work on that daily. Whether it's coaching myself through something stressful "hey, I'm proud of you, you're doing amazing! look at what you've accomplished!" or a little correction "hey. hey! what's going on with you?" Sounds corny but it can help. Oh, and here's an internet hug, actually a million!

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sarahbrown_3 avatar
Sarah Brown
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a tricky situation , you're leaving your child in the care of others all day so of course a worker will develop some sort of attachment. Clearly your daughter liked the woman as they said she was your daughters favorite and your daughter wouldn't let anyone else hold her except for that girl. For a child to have a favorite person and act that way that means the child trusts that person and feels safe and happy with that person, you should actually feel happy that someone is treating and taking care of your child so well that your child loves them. I understand being upset about the kissing i would be too if anyone did that to my son during a pandemic on the other hand if there wasn't a pandemic i don't really see the fuss since babies crave affection and kissing all over their face is not only funny to a baby it's also giving affection the baby craves. As for her always being in the pictures that's not surprising considering once again that that girl is your daughters favorite so of course she'll be in the photos since that girl is the main one always with her and caring for her. It seems to me that they were both attached to each other and your a bit jealous which i don't blame you as a mother i would be too but you need to understand you are gone all day and your daughter is spending hours with someone else while your not there so attachment will form between her and her caregiver. There's nothing wrong with missing and loving a child especially when you spend hours everyday caring for that child. Besides the kissing i don't see any alarming behavior honestly, you should have felt very happy your child was around someone like that especially considering how many daycare workers have been accused/arrested for abusing children in their care. As for her saying "her baby" i don't see much harm in that as long as it's in jest, i have friends and acquaintances and family members who will say "where's my baby? There's my baby!" When they see my son. Or when they text/call me they'll be like "how's my baby doing?. Now if she or other people were saying that in a serious way making anyone believe that really is their child or if she truly felt your daughter actually was her baby then that's where you have a problem and should be concerned. Her actions don't scream "obsessed" to me, it really just seems like attachment between a caregiver and your child.

purplezebra avatar
SillyPandaBunny
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t believe this teacher was giving the child the chance to choose a favorite teacher, she chose for her.

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timothyhughes_1 avatar
Timothy Hughes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You were jealous of the time the worker was spending with your child. The individual attention wasn't too much. I'd rather have someone supervise my child with know they would lay down their life for my kid. That woman seems like she would, but the others? Point being made, you just had a perfectly good daycare worker get fired because of your insecurities.

leilanik_m_martin avatar
Leilani K. M. Martin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was a preschool teacher in college before I went to law school and fell in love with many, many babies! But, there was one mother who complained about me after her infant daughter would reach out for me in the mornings instead of screaming like she used to before I started working there. The mother was upset that her baby stopped screaming! Another mother got upset when her baby didn't want to leave to go home with her. Another mother refused to bring in more than two bottles even though her baby was still hungry and was furious with me when I told her her baby needed more food. I bought that baby formula with my own money. These three mothers all told lies about me that were easily refuted by the 24 hour surveillance video. I learned a lot about how terrible a jealous and insecure woman can be from that job. Loved babies and children but never went back to child care work. Couldn't stomach all those crazy mothers. Never kissed any of the babies, though. Too many germs for them!

stuart_irvin avatar
Stuart Irvin
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

she is the ahole. she ruined a dedicated workers life by being jealous her child likes someone aside from her mother. maybe the red flags here are on the mother. babies will crawl (no pun intended) to whoever shows them affection. what if the worker didnt let anyone else carry her because she knew the baby would just start crying? im not a daycare worker but i do have a.... erm... whats the term? hes the son of a cousin. that i ocassionaly pickup from daycare because his parent work. ive seen toddlers start crying their hearts out because another worker started carrying them. just like workers can have a favorite, toddlers ABSOLUTELY have their favorites. and since they are babies, you take them out of their comfort zone, they WILL cry.

derrickandstephanieorrell avatar
Noturmomma
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Both of my kids were daycare babies bc I have to work. I was always happy to see when they were favored. It told me my baby was being taken care of and had love and too notch care while I was working. Sounds to me like a jealous guilty mom. I certainly had mom guilt but it actually made me feel better knowing they were taken care of. Sounds like she doesn't feel like she's spending enough time with her baby.

veronicasjberg avatar
Tigerpacingthecage
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

8 months old is still a little baby. They need affection and to be close. I don't think that's necessarily wrong. Also, young children often choose to bond with a specific care giver. We are not allowed to put children under 1yr in daycare/preschool here (so they have a chance to fully bond with their parents first) but I remember all my kids having "specific" teachers that they strongly preferred when they started at 1,5yrs, especially in the beginning. Its one thing if we talk about older kids but small babies/children could benefit from that sense of safety. Imo. I do understand how it can feel as a parent though, especially when your baby is that young still... sort of the fear of being "replaced" maybe.

vladimiramat avatar
Vladimíra Matejová
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think OP should have talked to the teacher not the director if she didnt like the way the child was treated. its the "i wanna talk to the manager" attitude that makes her an AH. she didnt see the teacher and her POV.

katlia avatar
kat lia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

she just bonded with her daughter and i think she cares for her. i don't think it is malicious. even patents has favorites. i used to volunteered in a pet shelter and i had a favorite cat. i think that lady was let go because of her complaints.

izzycurer avatar
Izzy Curer
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not a parent, so I may be lacking some basic instinct here, but I have to play devil's advocate. A lot of what triggered Op was what was said to her by a completely different employee. That person was the one who called the daughter 'her baby', and made it sound like the girl wouldn't let anyone else handle her. It sounds to me like that person was trying to play the other girl up to Op, as if to say, 'this is how much we care about your kid,' in an almost teasing, cutsey way. That person was the one who lacked sense in what was appropriate. I doubt the other girl has that much actual power at the daycare center. It just seems to me that the comment could have sprung from some inhouse silliness, knowing that the girl was especially fond of the baby. I realize the final straw was the kiss on the head, which the girl shouldn't have done since Op had asked her not to, however, I'm not sure that one transgression was worth her losing her job. Op has cameras, and doesn't say anything about the girl kissing on the baby throughout the day after she requested her stop. My guess is the girl made a dumb mistake in a burst of I've-been-holding-babies-all-day sort of emotion at the end of an exhausting day. Op should have said something to the girl right then, and that probably would have been the end of it

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Thundercuss
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I rarely think after reading these that the OP is the a__hole, but I do with this one.

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The Cat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My closest family member, besides my mom, just had a couple kids within the last 18 mins. She handed me the first just after birth and offered me dagger eyes the entire time (according to my SO to be fair). No pictures requested. 1st Bday, no pictures and the rest of the family was arriving next day. Due date one month away. Next baby, a little less daggers, but also I was more conscientious of the jealousy of the previous encounter and of our entire lives. Still did not care to have a picture. Not my place or problem. Sad the kids won't have those memories, especially since before all of this, I've been acting family historian for a couple of years after my late grandpa gave me all of the pictures. I gave the family the information to access all of the family photos, including their own, and nothing. Too bad, they are missing out!

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Exotic Butters
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with SIL, but it your baby. Do what you gotta mama. Seriously, I do only know a few sentences but you got the vibe.

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Christine Bach
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The other day care employee acknowledged the baby was the worker's favorite but no one at this highly regarded day care center noticed that the employee was smothering the child with kisses. And then this self taught psychiatrist diagnosed the worker as obsessive because she kissed the baby on the forehead, looked sad and said she would miss her so much. I used to own a boarding kennel and would say the same thing to every animal that was being picked no matter how big a pain some of them were. Totally with the SIL here and I think mom was wildly exaggerating the employees behavior.

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Trish Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow! I say talk to the worker but stop with all the complaining! Even though you did not request her to be fired, your actions caused her termination. I am really on the fence regarding this one.

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Linziaj
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughters a childcare worker and whilst, yes, they do have favorite children, there's absolutely no way they be kissing and cooing over it. She definitely over stepped but maybe a short sharp talking too would have sufficed

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CatsWearingHats
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like the woman has lost a baby of her own, and found comfort in this woman’s. Or, the woman is just taking extreme care of her baby, scare for it, as many young / new mothers are.

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Janice Strickland
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only issue I've had with my daycare is picking my son up after being there 8 to 10 hours and he still have chocolate milk is his cup from breakfast. How do I know it's the same chocolate milk? They don't serve chocolate milk. Only water all day and white milk at lunch. I was furious. It happened again. So now I just use a separate cup and said f it

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Misty Souders
Community Member
1 year ago

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Ok. Let me get this straight. You were upset about the kissing on the forehead. Lady youn people drop off your kids day in and day out and go to work 9ntrn hours days. You ought to be lucky that that teacher even Doty on her. As as a preschool teacher myself. We are sometimes with your kids more then you. This is just a small glimpse into my every day job. They you seem to take for granted. Yes. These kids build bonds with us. B. There with us more then youm. Would you rather have your kids in loving environment where their loved and getting a good education. Or in a class where the unwanted. Think about that the next time. You really need to apologize to the school as well as that teacher.

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Elaine L
Community Member
1 year ago

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I'm leaning towards mom is jealous of the worker. She spends 4 days a week at daycare so she is there as much as she is home and there's not supposed to be any kind of bond development?? Its like we always say work is our second home, well daycare is the baby's second home. I get and agree no kissing all over the face. But a peck on the head and telling a child you'll miss them when you spend 40hrs a week with them seems reasonable. The image I get is baby leaving grandma's house. My daughter's caregivers told her they'd miss her all the time. Even said they'd take her home if they could. And guess what. They never kidnapped her. This I need more info on. The "my baby" comment, was it she's mine don't touch her or was it like she's my baby because I'm her favorite? People call sports teams "my team" all the time. Does anyone really think that person owns the team? Also, "no one else can hold her", is it the worker won't allow it or the baby always wants that worker when others try?

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JinjoBread
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A daycare worker kissing other people's babies and saying "my baby" is f****d up.

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wv10014
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1 year ago

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YTA! You should be happy that a daycare worker cared about your baby!

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K O
Community Member
1 year ago

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Seems like an a*****e to me - do you want your baby left alone in a corner all day with no human contact? Sounds to me that someone has underlying sadness about missing bonding with her kid and is jealous of the worker because she bonded with the kid

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The Moop Of Venice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean the daycare lady was developing a unhealthy bond with a child that was not her own sooo........no the OP is not a Karen

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Katinka Min
Community Member
1 year ago

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YTA. Next time try to speak to the person directly, instead of running straight to the boss. Sheesh, the gall of that woman daring actually adore your daughter and make her happy.

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Mik
Community Member
1 year ago

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I intern-ed at two daycare's so I'll say YTA because I met to much people not caring or openly being mean to the kids. Also being fake nice when the parent was around which the mom could have known because of her daughters very confused face. But picking a daycare with hourerly reports, pictures and video is allready a little red flag for me. If you want to see how they are just look ar your kid around them, even when very young. And be freaking happy when your kid is happy. But I did not go work in that sector because openly-mean told me I wasn't aloud to distract a very sick baby from her pain because I would be spoiling her.

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JinjoBread
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think you're missing the point. It was an inappropriate amount of affection.

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Glasia van Duivels
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1 year ago

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Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where in the world do you live that has paid parental leave of 2 years? I'm gonna guess Scandinavia? Most parents in the world don't have that luxury.

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Xervesk
Community Member
1 year ago

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OP was definitely TA in my opinion. How sad that she wants to deprive her child of physical affection. Honestly, some assholes shouldn't breed

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Anna Banana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Would you really consider it "affection" if a relative stranger was constantly kissing you all over the face? I wouldn't! But I'm old enough to a) know that, and b) speak up. Babies aren't there for others to show their affection, they're human beings who don't have to be subjected to that just because somebody thinks they're cute.

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Kesam
Community Member
1 year ago

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Oh no! Your baby is bonding with someone where they spend hours every day! Well, we can't have that! 😱

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Michelle May
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1 year ago

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