Bride Still Expects Her Father To Fund Her Wedding After Banning His Husband From Attending, Father Asks The Internet If He’s Wrong For Refusing To Pay
A couple’s wedding day is one of the most exciting days of their lives. Finally, they each get to become officially bonded to their best friend, and their two families merge into one at the joyous celebration. It is completely normal for a bride and groom to make sure every detail of their day is perfect, from the flowers to the band to the suits and dresses to the food. Recently, however, one bride even wanted to keep her guests on a tight leash, particularly her father.
The father in question, LargeSeat3093 on Reddit, explained online how his daughter banned his husband and son from attending the wedding, so he ended up refusing to pay for the event. This caused some drama among the family members, so the father reached out to the Am I the [Jerk]? subreddit to hear a few outside opinions on his decision. Below, you can read the dad’s full explanation, as well as some of the responses the story has received, and decide for yourself whether he should have funded the wedding or not. Let us know what you about this situation in the comments, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda piece featuring wedding drama, check out this story next.
Recently, one father reached out online asking if he was wrong for refusing to fund his daughter’s wedding after she banned his husband and son from attending
Image credits: Aaron Tait (not the actual photo)
He explained that his relationship with his daughter has always been great, but she did not want his “lifestyle” to offend her conservative in-laws
Image credits: Peggy_Marco (not the actual photo)
The bride ended up asking her father-in-law to walk her down the aisle, and her dad decided not to attend
While it is understandable that this bride wanted to get off on the right foot with her in-laws, that is no reason to completely disregard the feelings of her father and his husband. If the groom’s parents would be so bothered by a loving parent and his husband enjoying a wedding and celebrating the happy couple, it sounds like more of a problem for them. It’s unfortunate that their prejudices were allowed to stop anyone else from enjoying the occasion.
Conflicts between in-laws are relatively common, so I’m sure the bride was hyper aware of appeasing them. As children often find themselves in arguments with their parents, husbands and wives similarly experience friction with their in-laws over small things as well. They all want the best for their child or spouse, but it can be hard to find common ground. Whether there are fundamental ideological differences or small quarrels about celebrating holiday traditions, it can be difficult to navigate sharing your partner with their parents. According to Blythe Copeland for Martha Stewart, the most common issues between in-laws are about how a couple spends their money, political views, how to raise the grandchildren, and how much time the couple spends with each side of the family. When it comes to eliminating or preventing conflicts, family therapist Jennifer Uhrlass told Martha Stewart, “Building up a deeper understanding of [your in-laws’] relationship dynamics might help you to view the situation with more empathy and create a more constructive environment moving forward.” The best thing to do is react calmly and try to diffuse the situation.
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
Ironically, in trying to prevent any family disputes on her husband’s side, this bride managed to create new friction on her own side of the family. While it is great to work towards having a solid relationship with your spouse’s family, there is never any excuse for discriminating against your own father and making him feel like an exile at your wedding. At the end of the day, a wedding day is about two people, and as the bride, she had the authority to invite her father’s family regardless of what her in-laws might have thought. We would love to hear your opinion on this situation in the comments below; would you have paid for the wedding or skipped the occasion altogether?
Readers have responded with sympathy for the father, agreeing that homophobia should never be enabled
If the grooms parents / whole familiy are/is too intolerant, they should be excluded. End of discussion.
I wonder if the bride actually KNOWS they would have a problem with her dad, or if she just assumes that because they are generally religious and conservative. It doesn't sound like she has been talking about her dad to them.
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Why invest in a marriage that will be doomed from the beginning? If she starts off her relationship with her in-laws on a lie, how badly will the marriage be strained when the in-laws find out the truth? The father is being true to himself, she is not. Enjoy your holidays with your husband and son. You're daughter can skip rope.
I would cut all ties with daughter and her future husband and in-laws. If I'm such an embarrassment then obviously receiving any help from me is shameful. I don't care who you marry, your parents and in-laws are their own people with their own issues and do not get to judge strangers lifestyle even if they will be somehow interacting. They probably won't even meet each other after the wedding. Again just my opinion, and I have experience. Six siblings and we all disowned our dad, my own family has never met my man, they don't deserve to know a man this good. My man's family is my family. Nobody judges me except the family I started ignoring when I started walking. I would be more concerned that daughters in-laws are so religious, but apparently they seem to be good with premarital relations. I guess your daughter lives with him in sin. Cut ties, that's a toxic and bad influence on your own household, and 2 year old toddler doesn't need the visual teachings of hatred.
He should love his daughter enough to say No. She needs a moral example much more than she needs wedding funds.
Wedding the day to celebrate love of two people gets bad taste because some random person decides who you can and cannot love. I bet most children who were raised by toxic, abusive, lying, hateful, alcoholics, drug addicts or just unwanted would have loved to be raised by two mom's or two dad's who showed unconditional love towards them. 2022, you can and should cut ties with family who has no respect towards you. You can put your boundaries, but have accept that others can disagree and choose.not to engage further.
You can choose your -in laws, but you can't choose your parents. If you choose to prioritise your -in laws and their closeted minds, then do not be surprised if your father (the one that your -in laws object to) don't pay for your wedding that you are not allowing to attend. You want your FIL to walk you down the aisle, he should gladly PAY for the privilege's of doing so. I hope the OP, his husband and son will have a lovely holiday, with the money instead.
It's 2022. Why should grown adults ask their parents to pay for a party they want to have? Part of adulting is deciding where to spend your money and taking responsibility for it. It's no more dad's responsibility to pay for your celebration of a life event than your new promotion, his 4th grandkid's baby shower, or your 2nd anniversary party.
That's a pretty big thing to keep hidden from the in laws. This marriage is not starting out well
The marriage is the important part, not the wedding. A friend of mine got married a couple years before me, and she just had to have the big expensive wedding and honeymoon, etc, etc, etc. They got divorced not long after the wedding. I got married in the local courthouse with a few good friends in attendance (not the one I just spoke of, because she totally disrespected me when I told her I was getting married), who then treated my husband and myself to a champagne dinner in the nicest restaurant in town. Then one of them handed us the keys to their beach house for our honeymoon (we were just going to stay home with the door locked and phone off the hook). My husband bought the rings (plain gold bands, which he had engraved as a surprise), and already had a nice suit to wear. I already had a knee length off-white dress and shoes, so the only things I bought were my husband’s boutonnière and my bouquet, which was small and understated, and perfect. My husband and I realized the marriage is way more important than the wedding, so didn’t even want all the fuss and stress most wedding planning brings. Our small, simple courthouse wedding was entirely satisfying and was just the absolute best day——over 21 years ago now. The OP’s daughter says she and her fiancé are too young to afford to pay for their wedding themselves? B******t. My wedding maybe cost $100 +/-, and has lasted longer than marriages that had expensive weddings.
My parents have been married for more than 53 years and they had a very small courthouse wedding.
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Here is something about Asian weddings, if daddy is paying, daddy has the final say. It's reasonable and logical. Now if you want to be at the driving seat, pay for your own wedding. Then, you get to make the rules. If you can't afford to, tough luck and sorry to say, you also have no basis to call anyone an AH being the beggars in this case.
I’m so sorry. This must be so painful for you! Absolutely NTA. You and your beautiful family don’t deserve to be treated this way and hopefully she will come to her senses in the future with some growth and clarity.
"Since I'm paying for your wedding your bigoted in-laws are not invited, they make the rest of the family uncomfortable!" How's that feel?
I wish folks would stop using the term "lifestyle". I'm Gay. It's not choice or a "lifestyle" like being bohemian or (shutters) vegan.
I always wonder that "lifestyle" supposed to mean when I see that. Do they assume everyone is living some over-the-top stereotype? Even if they were how is it harming or even inconveniencing them? Some people get hung up on the sex part. To that I ask, "Do you think of and picture all of the couples you know having sex? No? Then what are you complaining about?".
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Seems like Daddy's girl still has some growing up to do. If she's jumping through hoops to please the in-laws now she'll be doing it for a lot longer than she likes in the future. The whole 'FIL walking her down the aisle' I see a lot of regret about that in her future. Also, not meaning to be preachy, but if hubby's family have read the New Testament then they should know the Bible says to love everyone.
Oh I think not!! OP , you & your spouse are teaching your daughter what it means to have ethics & self respect. Priceless! There's nothing you can do about what others think & odds are your daughter's fiance & future in-laws are just getting started w/ their emotional extortion. Fortunately you & your husband can be there to support the little gal when the apesh*t hits the fan.
I feel bad for this father, his partner that has been there to help raise his daughter since she was seven years old, and the little 2 year old brother being excluded to punish his father's.( Most brides would love to have a toddler ring bearer in their wedding procession!) The daughter is choosing to disgrace and disown all three of them, I'm such a horrific and hurtful way! I cannot imagine doing something so hurtful to my family. This is far bigger than just catering to homophobia! She had to know how deeply she was insulting half of her family! Her parents had joint custody and her father's partner had been part of their family since she was 7. At some point she could only see her dad as an ATM, and has probably been using him for money for a long time. I hope that the little 2year old brother and both of his dad's go on a wonderful family vacation, and spoil each other rotten. The daughter has earned a 2 for $1 card from the dollar store, with a penny taped inside!! She is obviously too toxic to be near her little brother as he grows up.
This just hurts. I have met parents of children who do not identify as their assigned gender, that just cannot accept it. And I have seen the opposite. I have been told that I will never understand how it feels to, "know that you will never have grandchildren, because they will be lucky to adopt." Lets be honest. I DO NOT CARE!!! As long as my children are happy, IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT I WANT!!! And honestly, this applies to ANYONE you love. Not everyone is worth it, but the ones who are.....never take them for granted.
Also, I absolutely would not choose to marry a man, if his family couldn't accept my family, when they're doing nothing wrong
I'd be curious to know more about the groom's point of view, as well. Why should it be OK for the bride to exclude her own dad to please the in-laws, but OK for him to exclude his in-laws to please his parents? If he agrees not only with that, but with his parents homophobic views, this marriage is crappy from the roots.
Seems all weird, i wouldn't even consider marrying a man with homophobic parents. I wouldn't want to have to deal with people like that all my marriage long, and also, who knows what shitty beliefs they thought to their son.
I can't understand why his daughter, ex wife, and other people said the father is being selfish. He was willing to understood the terms, not even tried to utter disagreement. It's them who are selfish, tried to push their own terms to other people yet still expect that people to pay for them. The audacity.
I'm going to crack up when the guy she is getting hitched to ends up being gay... Life is not without a sense of irony... Not to mention whoever you hate will end up in your family.. according to Chris Rock
Daughter is such a piece of s**t. Wow. Poor guy. Hope he has the time of his life on his trip with the people that actually loves him.
NTA I wouldn't admit to being related to such a human turd, let alone be her father. Lost cause. Keep your money and your family that matters, walk away and don't look back. If she decides to evolve, she can find you. Nobody needs that sh and being blood doesn't absolve her from having no moral compass.
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you or in this case pays for your wedding
It starts at the wedding but that is just the overture for every minor and major occurence in the couple's life... NTA as he is going to be cut out of her life or being doomed to exist in a small corner of it...
Well this sounds like a perfect marriage, what could possible go wrong?
OP's daughter is an entitled homophobic selfish b*tch. I wouldn't bother having a relationship with her at all & I sure as HELL wouldn't pay for her wedding.
he should go to the wedding, and tell the in-laws hes gay during the ceremony. halfway through the i do's turn to them and say loudly enough for many people to hear "i remember when my husband and i were saying our vows"
Seems like this would be a good time for the daughter to be a Bridezilla...by ensuring her father's family are invited to the wedding. The in-laws don't like it? Too bad. It's not their wedding. It's hers. But...she blew it and has made her priorities very clear. Oh wellsies. Hope it was worth losing her father over.
What's this, The Birdcage? Also, do people call heterosexuality a lifestyle? No, so why call homosexuality a lifestyle? It's so weird.
This story reminds me of an excellent movie called "The Birdcage". Not the AH at all!!
Maybe she only thinks they will be uncomfortable. Surprise, there are people who don't agree with certain lifestyles but can still embrace people as people and continue on without drama.
I'm sorry, I didn't read the entire post, but NO, the father is not wrong for refusing to fund the wedding
I always wonder if the inlaws are that intolerant? Often there us sn assumption the thebinkaws will think or act a certain way when it us not reality
Probably because getting married for love was frowned upon, then it was allowed and now people get married sending thousands on a one specific day to be indebt for years just to show status. People who want to get married will do it regardless of family, money, guests, in-laws. People who love each other will get married without the wedding if this is all they can afford.
Load More Replies... Why is he going to pay for something his partner and child are excluded from AND he has to not be himself? There are small catches when one's parents are shelling out $15k plus for a wedding.
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If your parents raised you better, you wouldn't be such a cvnt
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If the grooms parents / whole familiy are/is too intolerant, they should be excluded. End of discussion.
I wonder if the bride actually KNOWS they would have a problem with her dad, or if she just assumes that because they are generally religious and conservative. It doesn't sound like she has been talking about her dad to them.
Load More Replies... Why invest in a marriage that will be doomed from the beginning? If she starts off her relationship with her in-laws on a lie, how badly will the marriage be strained when the in-laws find out the truth? The father is being true to himself, she is not. Enjoy your holidays with your husband and son. You're daughter can skip rope.
I would cut all ties with daughter and her future husband and in-laws. If I'm such an embarrassment then obviously receiving any help from me is shameful. I don't care who you marry, your parents and in-laws are their own people with their own issues and do not get to judge strangers lifestyle even if they will be somehow interacting. They probably won't even meet each other after the wedding. Again just my opinion, and I have experience. Six siblings and we all disowned our dad, my own family has never met my man, they don't deserve to know a man this good. My man's family is my family. Nobody judges me except the family I started ignoring when I started walking. I would be more concerned that daughters in-laws are so religious, but apparently they seem to be good with premarital relations. I guess your daughter lives with him in sin. Cut ties, that's a toxic and bad influence on your own household, and 2 year old toddler doesn't need the visual teachings of hatred.
He should love his daughter enough to say No. She needs a moral example much more than she needs wedding funds.
Wedding the day to celebrate love of two people gets bad taste because some random person decides who you can and cannot love. I bet most children who were raised by toxic, abusive, lying, hateful, alcoholics, drug addicts or just unwanted would have loved to be raised by two mom's or two dad's who showed unconditional love towards them. 2022, you can and should cut ties with family who has no respect towards you. You can put your boundaries, but have accept that others can disagree and choose.not to engage further.
You can choose your -in laws, but you can't choose your parents. If you choose to prioritise your -in laws and their closeted minds, then do not be surprised if your father (the one that your -in laws object to) don't pay for your wedding that you are not allowing to attend. You want your FIL to walk you down the aisle, he should gladly PAY for the privilege's of doing so. I hope the OP, his husband and son will have a lovely holiday, with the money instead.
It's 2022. Why should grown adults ask their parents to pay for a party they want to have? Part of adulting is deciding where to spend your money and taking responsibility for it. It's no more dad's responsibility to pay for your celebration of a life event than your new promotion, his 4th grandkid's baby shower, or your 2nd anniversary party.
That's a pretty big thing to keep hidden from the in laws. This marriage is not starting out well
The marriage is the important part, not the wedding. A friend of mine got married a couple years before me, and she just had to have the big expensive wedding and honeymoon, etc, etc, etc. They got divorced not long after the wedding. I got married in the local courthouse with a few good friends in attendance (not the one I just spoke of, because she totally disrespected me when I told her I was getting married), who then treated my husband and myself to a champagne dinner in the nicest restaurant in town. Then one of them handed us the keys to their beach house for our honeymoon (we were just going to stay home with the door locked and phone off the hook). My husband bought the rings (plain gold bands, which he had engraved as a surprise), and already had a nice suit to wear. I already had a knee length off-white dress and shoes, so the only things I bought were my husband’s boutonnière and my bouquet, which was small and understated, and perfect. My husband and I realized the marriage is way more important than the wedding, so didn’t even want all the fuss and stress most wedding planning brings. Our small, simple courthouse wedding was entirely satisfying and was just the absolute best day——over 21 years ago now. The OP’s daughter says she and her fiancé are too young to afford to pay for their wedding themselves? B******t. My wedding maybe cost $100 +/-, and has lasted longer than marriages that had expensive weddings.
My parents have been married for more than 53 years and they had a very small courthouse wedding.
Load More Replies... Here is something about Asian weddings, if daddy is paying, daddy has the final say. It's reasonable and logical. Now if you want to be at the driving seat, pay for your own wedding. Then, you get to make the rules. If you can't afford to, tough luck and sorry to say, you also have no basis to call anyone an AH being the beggars in this case.
I’m so sorry. This must be so painful for you! Absolutely NTA. You and your beautiful family don’t deserve to be treated this way and hopefully she will come to her senses in the future with some growth and clarity.
"Since I'm paying for your wedding your bigoted in-laws are not invited, they make the rest of the family uncomfortable!" How's that feel?
I wish folks would stop using the term "lifestyle". I'm Gay. It's not choice or a "lifestyle" like being bohemian or (shutters) vegan.
I always wonder that "lifestyle" supposed to mean when I see that. Do they assume everyone is living some over-the-top stereotype? Even if they were how is it harming or even inconveniencing them? Some people get hung up on the sex part. To that I ask, "Do you think of and picture all of the couples you know having sex? No? Then what are you complaining about?".
Load More Replies... Seems like Daddy's girl still has some growing up to do. If she's jumping through hoops to please the in-laws now she'll be doing it for a lot longer than she likes in the future. The whole 'FIL walking her down the aisle' I see a lot of regret about that in her future. Also, not meaning to be preachy, but if hubby's family have read the New Testament then they should know the Bible says to love everyone.
Oh I think not!! OP , you & your spouse are teaching your daughter what it means to have ethics & self respect. Priceless! There's nothing you can do about what others think & odds are your daughter's fiance & future in-laws are just getting started w/ their emotional extortion. Fortunately you & your husband can be there to support the little gal when the apesh*t hits the fan.
I feel bad for this father, his partner that has been there to help raise his daughter since she was seven years old, and the little 2 year old brother being excluded to punish his father's.( Most brides would love to have a toddler ring bearer in their wedding procession!) The daughter is choosing to disgrace and disown all three of them, I'm such a horrific and hurtful way! I cannot imagine doing something so hurtful to my family. This is far bigger than just catering to homophobia! She had to know how deeply she was insulting half of her family! Her parents had joint custody and her father's partner had been part of their family since she was 7. At some point she could only see her dad as an ATM, and has probably been using him for money for a long time. I hope that the little 2year old brother and both of his dad's go on a wonderful family vacation, and spoil each other rotten. The daughter has earned a 2 for $1 card from the dollar store, with a penny taped inside!! She is obviously too toxic to be near her little brother as he grows up.
This just hurts. I have met parents of children who do not identify as their assigned gender, that just cannot accept it. And I have seen the opposite. I have been told that I will never understand how it feels to, "know that you will never have grandchildren, because they will be lucky to adopt." Lets be honest. I DO NOT CARE!!! As long as my children are happy, IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT I WANT!!! And honestly, this applies to ANYONE you love. Not everyone is worth it, but the ones who are.....never take them for granted.
Also, I absolutely would not choose to marry a man, if his family couldn't accept my family, when they're doing nothing wrong
I'd be curious to know more about the groom's point of view, as well. Why should it be OK for the bride to exclude her own dad to please the in-laws, but OK for him to exclude his in-laws to please his parents? If he agrees not only with that, but with his parents homophobic views, this marriage is crappy from the roots.
Seems all weird, i wouldn't even consider marrying a man with homophobic parents. I wouldn't want to have to deal with people like that all my marriage long, and also, who knows what shitty beliefs they thought to their son.
I can't understand why his daughter, ex wife, and other people said the father is being selfish. He was willing to understood the terms, not even tried to utter disagreement. It's them who are selfish, tried to push their own terms to other people yet still expect that people to pay for them. The audacity.
I'm going to crack up when the guy she is getting hitched to ends up being gay... Life is not without a sense of irony... Not to mention whoever you hate will end up in your family.. according to Chris Rock
Daughter is such a piece of s**t. Wow. Poor guy. Hope he has the time of his life on his trip with the people that actually loves him.
NTA I wouldn't admit to being related to such a human turd, let alone be her father. Lost cause. Keep your money and your family that matters, walk away and don't look back. If she decides to evolve, she can find you. Nobody needs that sh and being blood doesn't absolve her from having no moral compass.
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you or in this case pays for your wedding
It starts at the wedding but that is just the overture for every minor and major occurence in the couple's life... NTA as he is going to be cut out of her life or being doomed to exist in a small corner of it...
Well this sounds like a perfect marriage, what could possible go wrong?
OP's daughter is an entitled homophobic selfish b*tch. I wouldn't bother having a relationship with her at all & I sure as HELL wouldn't pay for her wedding.
he should go to the wedding, and tell the in-laws hes gay during the ceremony. halfway through the i do's turn to them and say loudly enough for many people to hear "i remember when my husband and i were saying our vows"
Seems like this would be a good time for the daughter to be a Bridezilla...by ensuring her father's family are invited to the wedding. The in-laws don't like it? Too bad. It's not their wedding. It's hers. But...she blew it and has made her priorities very clear. Oh wellsies. Hope it was worth losing her father over.
What's this, The Birdcage? Also, do people call heterosexuality a lifestyle? No, so why call homosexuality a lifestyle? It's so weird.
This story reminds me of an excellent movie called "The Birdcage". Not the AH at all!!
Maybe she only thinks they will be uncomfortable. Surprise, there are people who don't agree with certain lifestyles but can still embrace people as people and continue on without drama.
I'm sorry, I didn't read the entire post, but NO, the father is not wrong for refusing to fund the wedding
I always wonder if the inlaws are that intolerant? Often there us sn assumption the thebinkaws will think or act a certain way when it us not reality
Probably because getting married for love was frowned upon, then it was allowed and now people get married sending thousands on a one specific day to be indebt for years just to show status. People who want to get married will do it regardless of family, money, guests, in-laws. People who love each other will get married without the wedding if this is all they can afford.
Load More Replies... Why is he going to pay for something his partner and child are excluded from AND he has to not be himself? There are small catches when one's parents are shelling out $15k plus for a wedding.
Load More Replies... If your parents raised you better, you wouldn't be such a cvnt
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