30 Pet Peeves And Red Flags When You First Start Dating Someone, As Pointed Out By Folks Online
Love at first sight, of course, sometimes happens to people, but is this enough for a strong, healthy and happy relationship? Yes, sometimes a kind of spark runs between people who have known each other for just a few minutes, but the flame flared up from it can just as quickly go out.
There are actually many reasons for this. A person can be incredibly beautiful on the outside, but be an absolute jerk by their nature. You may not share some beliefs with another person, certain habits may annoy you so much... In the end, you may root for different teams - this also happens and sometimes leads to a breakup, trust us.
In any case, there are various things that can signal that something is totally off. "Just stop, turn around and leave right now before it gets worse!" they say. But how do you recognize such signs, especially if you are not an overly perceptive person?
In the AskReddit community, a special thread has recently appeared, just dedicated to these red flags. Its author originally asked the question: "What's a dealbreaker when it comes to dating?" and as of today, the thread boasts over 6.0K upvotes and about the same number of different comments.
Of course, not all of these comments are equally wholesome, and even more so, not all of them should be taken as a guide to action. To make it easier for you to read, Bored Panda has compiled a list of the most popular, useful and sometimes even funny signs that serve as a clear signal to a variety of people - it's time to end your relationship with this person!
So feel free to scroll to the very end of the list, mark the submissions you like or believe the most and, of course, write your own red flags in the comments. If, of course, you have at least one.
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treating animals poorly
Nonononono... I can't get into what I would do to the sick lowlife abusers.
Don’t ever put your hands on me. I can’t be serious enough.
I don’t care about your emotions. Don’t care if it was a 1/10th of a second of insanity or a miscommunication or you thought I was cheating. Don’t ever put your hands on me. I spent too much time as a child dealing with people who hit me and I’ll be damned if I let it happen again. There is zero excuse for adults to hit each other.
Trump supporters, conspiracy theorists, anti-science views.
Being a d**k. Common symptoms include being rude to people in the service industry, ridiculous levels of self importance, lack of compassion, etc. don’t be a d**k.
Flat earther
being a headless roach, a flat earther is actually my kind of people
Narcissism.
The cat tho'... as if the reason of cat owner's existence was any other than to make cats feel superior.
As someone who doesn't want children, dating someone who does is a dealbreaker. Suffered a couple broken hearts over having to make this decision...
100%. This needs to be a mutual agreement. If you're with someone who wants children, but you don't, then, sorry, but the relationship will not work out. You can have everything else in common and be madly attracted to each other, but the decision to have children is HUGE. I cannot emphasize this enough. This is not something that can be negotiated. In the end, one of you will end up resenting the other person over this issue no matter what. There cannot be a debate over this.
Mind games. If you still want to do that in your 20's or 30's you are not mentally old enough to be with me.
If you expect me to excuse s***ty behavior because of the position the stars were in when you were born.
Why do people actually do that. They act terribly then try to excuse therir behaviour bysaying, oh sorry I'm abit loud and fiesty because my starsign is Leo. OK Well I am a bull, should I come charging at you and put you flat on ya a*s with my head... idiots
Not brushing your teeth / poor dental hygiene on a regular basis
Having to constantly message and call because they want to be apart of your life every second. Even while working. Oh God.
Drama. At this point I’ve been through too much s**t and value my peace way more than I value someone I’ve just met’s feelings.
Alcoholics. I love to drink and smoke, but in moderation. That’s just me, though.
Smoking cigarettes is a major turn-off for me. My parents smoked too much and I cannot stand the smell.
A bad temper
Hey! This is coat-ism against calicos here! ::points at photo:: We ALL know it's torties that have a bad tortitude, not calicos!
Inconsistency in behaviours and words. Nothing tires me out like people who are not clear in their intentions. Im not going to navigate in troubled waters, when I can swim in clear ones
Yes! At the end of the day, the most important things to me are my name and my word. My actions are my word and keeping my word is my name. The most important thing I have, really.
Lack of accountability
Yep stay away from someone who is always the victim with big stories of how every single ex hurt them. Especially when they claim they cant trust you going out with friends or even just dressing up and wearing make up to work because they have been hurt and cheated on before.
When u notice that they want to change you into ways they like more, subtle hints at start but progressively they get more ballsy
The date being obsessed with themselves or continually talking about their ex partners
Irony: I started seeing a guy in early March 2020, just as a “physical” relationship. We had each ended our relationship with our exes some months prior, each of us had been burned by them so-to-say. So we continuously talked shït about them…. normally this would be a turn-off for me had I been “hoping” for something more than physical with this guy. But over time, the physical relationship became something much more, especially after Covid lockdown took effect. It took a few months before we gradually stopped talking about our exes altogether and were falling in love with each other. It was unexpected and dare I say, organic? Because we got together with ZERO expectations except for sex. Fast forward: we’re now engaged and getting married in March 2023.
A ‘fix me’ person. I will support you to be your best. But I am not responsible to fix you.
Didn't know this was a thing. I don't like the fix you people. If you don't like me now, you won't like me in two years. The opposite may be true though.
Someone who doesn't believe in... anything. No passions, no interests, no stances on issues, just molding themselves to whatever they think I want to hear.
That's a person who A. Will be codependent because they've not developed a sense of self & will rely on me for all mental stimulation. Or B. A person who's secretly got s***ty views or toxic habits & is concealing them to try & get me invested.
Hard pass.
**Edit** wow this pissed off a very specific crowd. If you are shy or reserved, this is not about you. If you keep certain things back for when you're serious, this is also not about you. Stop acting like hit dogs.
No one is talking about a normal amount of caution.
This is a person who actually *cannot* express interest or belief or disbelief or anything in polite smalltalk. They don't have anything they do to tell you about, they can't express any likes or dislikes, they're not even all that interested in anything you say.
Like..whew. I'm an incredibly shy person out dating, calm down guys, I fully get it & this is not about us.
I learned how to ride a motorcycle because of my second petty reason. First reason was to save a lot of valuable time, second reason was because I couldn't handle anymore conversation with this gal. She would reserve seat and sit next to me everyday, which was unavoidable because we relied on one bus at the same time everyday. But for the life of me, I couldn't find anything that 'click', she had no passion and interest in anything. The journey sucked my spirit out of me because regardless of that, she kept trying to connect and I had tried everything to find something mutual that remotely interesting and that didn't work because she didn't have her own opinion and agreed with everything I said. My bad, she's a great person, but I dreaded it daily.
Well this will completely get buried, but I'll add mine here anyway for posterity.
- Anyone who makes me feel unsafe. Whether that's anger issues, boundary breaking, reckless lifestyle, woman bashing, or just a spidey sense, I'm out.
- People with no firm opinions or values, can't keep up any mildly challenging conversation. Life's more fun with those who dare think for themselves.
- Immaturity and codependence. I'm looking to pair up, not to parent.
- Grating on my nerves. I don't know, some people just annoy me in the longer term. Like they're too boisterous or crass. That one's on me, I'm sensitive.
- Petty meanness and dickishness. Spoiled adults who expect everyone in the service industry to kiss the ground they walk on. Who are snide to others. Who have something to prove all the time. Who regularly fail at life's empathy checks. It's pretty much the worst type of person imo.
- Me: sometimes I am the dealbreaker. When I'm not ready to be a good partner to someone else. Even though they're great and the timing just didn't line up.
As a young woman that has dipped her toes into dating. A deal breaker for me is someone who has just come out of a long committed relationship and is out dating without giving themselves a proper healing stage.
being clearly unable to have time to develop a relationship. We all have jobs,hobbies and a social life. if you can't administrate your time to make an effort into getting involved with me, I will walk out of your life really quickly
i have a lot, but these are the main ones.
when they're obsessive and expect me to talk and stick by them 24/7.. i am a person, i have a life. they are not my world, theyre just a part of it.
when they get jealous easily and dont communicate with me.
when they don't respect boundaries.
when they dont know how to communicate properly and only think of themself.
Using their mental illness as part of their identity. No attempt to truly address it and leverage their illness to guilt others.
Mentally ill person here. My mental disorder does not excuse any assholish behavior that I exhibit. If you see me being mean, call me out, please! If I'm not trying to be mean, I'll apologize and clarify.
If they’re mean to their mom for no reason.
This is a difficult one. I've been estranged from my mother for many years. My partner really struggled with this, he simply could not accept that she had been abusive and was full of "but she loves you deep down, she's your mother, you must have misinterpreted/misremembered/misunderstood, she was doing her best..." etc etc. When meeting her for the first time, she can come across as a nice old lady, and she can maintain that facade, so people who only get to know her superficially, think she's fine. I've absolutely no doubt that my refusal to get back in contact can come across to others as being mean for no reason. There are always reasons, but people outside the relationship can't see or understand them, so don't judge on initial impressions.
Note: this post originally had 34 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
Big red flag for me is someone who constantly plays the victim card. My ex made it seem like the whole world was against him; he never did anything wrong and it was everyone else's fault when things went wrong. Everyone was against him, all his ex's were evil, how dare his landlord expect rent blah blah blah. He literally wouldn't take accountability for anything and it was everyone else's fault. I can't even imagine what type of monster he made me out to be when we broke up. His business went under and it was probably my fault because I was no longer there to help him or lend money. He was some piece of work
This. I was in a psychiatric hospital because of him, but he said that he was the victim and I was disregarding his needs.
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I mean, gaslighting on general, I guess. Especially since, based on the definition and context, you don't even realize until it's far too late, and then spend years agonizing if that was true, or if you really were wrong and stupid all along....and maybe I'm doing the same about this term: maybe it's my fault I was gaslit, I should've been better....etc...
Big, dark red flag with leds behind it: talking mine or other peoples interests or excitment down. I get really excited really easily. I find joy in many (even smaller) things like seeing a cute puppy when I'm out or seeing a new tv show. I'm interested in many things and love talking about them. I couldn't date anyone who always talks down the stuff I like. Voicing your opinion is completely fine and I love a mature discussion but there's nothing more sad when a person is excited about something and really enthusiastc and than there's someone talking them down and giving them a shitty feeling. If you're not interested just smile and nod but don't be a sh*t-head.
Lying. Had a dating experience with someone who lied by omission & called it ‘privacy’. Uh, no, not if that ‘privacy’ is hiding a whole ‘nother romantic relationship & several fwbs.
Well at the start of dating why would you assume he/she are single? If you discuss beeing exclusive then yeah, its not ok to see other people
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Also, person who will constantly interrupt you when you're talking, or not listening to you. Dating person who can't spare few second to listen what you want to say.
Someone who never apologizes, can’t see they ever do anything wrong.
People who constantly need to be the center of attention, they need to be entertained — emotionally draining. People who need to know what you’re doing every minute of every day. I need independence.
I'd like to add verbal abuse. I dated a guy briefly back in the day who said he was going to rape my best friend and that he wanted me and my family dead because said best friend made a joke about one of his mannerisms which he initially laughed at and bantered with her jokingly about...
Big red flag for me is someone who constantly plays the victim card. My ex made it seem like the whole world was against him; he never did anything wrong and it was everyone else's fault when things went wrong. Everyone was against him, all his ex's were evil, how dare his landlord expect rent blah blah blah. He literally wouldn't take accountability for anything and it was everyone else's fault. I can't even imagine what type of monster he made me out to be when we broke up. His business went under and it was probably my fault because I was no longer there to help him or lend money. He was some piece of work
This. I was in a psychiatric hospital because of him, but he said that he was the victim and I was disregarding his needs.
Load More Replies... I mean, gaslighting on general, I guess. Especially since, based on the definition and context, you don't even realize until it's far too late, and then spend years agonizing if that was true, or if you really were wrong and stupid all along....and maybe I'm doing the same about this term: maybe it's my fault I was gaslit, I should've been better....etc...
Big, dark red flag with leds behind it: talking mine or other peoples interests or excitment down. I get really excited really easily. I find joy in many (even smaller) things like seeing a cute puppy when I'm out or seeing a new tv show. I'm interested in many things and love talking about them. I couldn't date anyone who always talks down the stuff I like. Voicing your opinion is completely fine and I love a mature discussion but there's nothing more sad when a person is excited about something and really enthusiastc and than there's someone talking them down and giving them a shitty feeling. If you're not interested just smile and nod but don't be a sh*t-head.
Lying. Had a dating experience with someone who lied by omission & called it ‘privacy’. Uh, no, not if that ‘privacy’ is hiding a whole ‘nother romantic relationship & several fwbs.
Well at the start of dating why would you assume he/she are single? If you discuss beeing exclusive then yeah, its not ok to see other people
Load More Replies... Also, person who will constantly interrupt you when you're talking, or not listening to you. Dating person who can't spare few second to listen what you want to say.
Someone who never apologizes, can’t see they ever do anything wrong.
People who constantly need to be the center of attention, they need to be entertained — emotionally draining. People who need to know what you’re doing every minute of every day. I need independence.
I'd like to add verbal abuse. I dated a guy briefly back in the day who said he was going to rape my best friend and that he wanted me and my family dead because said best friend made a joke about one of his mannerisms which he initially laughed at and bantered with her jokingly about...
