Let’s be honest: dark humor jokes are not for everyone. Not for every place, either. You have to be able to read the room almost perfectly in order to get the best reaction to these twisted jokes. Don’t go around strangers cracking dark jokes. You never know the backstory of the person and how they will react to your dark humor jokes with no limits. But if you’re in a circle of close friends whom you know are open to this kind of humor, crack away!
This type of humor can really make your stomach hurt. A dark joke can consist of many things, and you can flavor it to fit any occasion. Some of them are straight-up offensive jokes, others can involve a gut-bending plot twist. There are even some dark humor dad jokes! But, as we mentioned, it takes two to tango, so the recipient of the joke is just as important as the corny joke itself.
What Are Some of the Best Dark Humor Jokes?
If you are looking for the very best dark jokes to tell your friends, we’ve got you covered. Bored Panda community voted for and picked the very best ones. Hence, we’re confident that the first ten entries on this list can be dubbed the top 10 dark humor jokes on the internet.
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I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
This is the first LOL of the bunch for me. Hope others read down this far.
I'd like to have kids one day. I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
Funny Dark Humor Jokes
These pocket-sized punchlines pack a wallop of clever and edgy humor in just a few words. You might be unable to suppress your laugh at these short dark humor jokes with no limits. They challenge the convention and dare you to chuckle at life’s darkest absurdities.
However, if you are looking for even more macabre humor, we’ve got plenty more prepared for you. So go ahead, and laugh at these morbid jokes. Promise we won’t tell anyone!
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Why do I appreciate the horrible logic in this? Truth be told, he'll get treatment as a prisoner.
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared." The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."
Dark Dad Jokes
Universally, dads seem to have nailed a joke formula that can both delight and embarrass family members simultaneously. But sometimes they dangle at the edge of darkness that may make you go, “Whoa, that was savage!” These dark-humored dad jokes take a deliciously dark turn!
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
- A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a tree. “Don’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man says, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
- Why did Grandma miss the funeral? She wasn’t a mourning person.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
Dark Humor Knock Knock Jokes
These dark humor knock-knock jokes delve into the macabre, the absurd, and the taboo with a devilish sense of humor. These knock-knock jokes may make you chuckle and squirm at the same time. Guessing what lurks behind that imaginary door? Let us tell you.
- Knock! Knock! “Who’s there?” Lettuce. “Lettuce who?” Please let us out of the basement.
- Knock! Knock! “Who’s there?” Dwayne. “Dwayne, who?” Dwayne the bathtub, I’m drowning.
- Knock! Knock! “Who’s there?” Howie. “Howie, who?” Howie gonna hide this body?!
- Knock! Knock! “Who’s there?” Control Freak. Okay, now you say, "Control Freak, who?"
What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
Turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better." "Thanks Dad," the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.
My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste."
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning. Being a sniper is awesome.
My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.
My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die. "Usually an overdose, son," I told him.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
reading these while half asleep will make you fully wake up....in an interesting way
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
Siri, why am I still single?! *Siri activates front camera*
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie? A family photo.
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient. "Give me the good news first," the patient said. "Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live." "That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "I've been trying to reach you for two days."
Since the pandemic started, my wife just stands there sadly looking through the window. I should probably go let her in.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love." I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life" sir Terrence Pratchett.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.
What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.
I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation. Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
"Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!"
Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear.
My Grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Atlanta Zoo.
I've learnt that saying "Oh, this old thing?" isn't an appropriate way to introduce an elderly relative.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Btw – verb, not adjective.
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark. But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife.”
The easiest way to know you are ugly is when you are handed the camera every time there is a group photo.
Patient: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”
Doctor: “To the morgue.”
Patient: “What? But I’m not dead yet!”
Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”
My Therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds"... So, I stabbed him. Now we wait.
Priest: “Do you have any last requests?” Murderer sitting in the electric chair: “Yes. Can you please hold my hand?”
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
That's not flying, that's just falling with style... No, not even with style. Just falling.
Wife: “I want another baby” Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one”.
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have ten left." The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He's all right now!
I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?” Dad: “Call me George.”
What's the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn't beat cancer.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.
Maybe she just wanted to make her mother dance with red-glowing hot iron shoes until she dies?
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty three times.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
Why are cigarettes good for the environment? They kill people.
Yes. Smoke more cigarettes. Eat more junk food. Drink more beer. Buy more guns.
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteer’s funeral? Nothing.
Boy: “Mom, can I have a dog for Christmas, please?” Mom: “No, you’re getting turkey, like every year!“.
My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
"I want a divorce!" "But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part." "I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home. That’s perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment.
When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That's the punch line.
If you want to stop an argument between deaf people, be fast and switch off the lights. Case ended!
Patient: “Doctor! Doctor! Help me – I cannot feel my legs!” Doctor: “Don’t panic, that’s perfectly normal. It’s because I amputated your arms!”
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It's a good thing he drives a Civic.
There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
My grief counsellor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Exactly where you left it.
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of children.
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
What happens if you arrive late to a cannibal dinner party? You get the cold shoulder!
I hope Death is a woman. That way it will never look at me twice.
What’s the difference between a dinosaur and a lump of coal? Sixty million years.
Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 metres of a school? Because he’s dead.
My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?” I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake… It was a bittersweet victory.
What do you do if you’re ever attacked by a gang of clowns? Go for the juggler.
I got a job as a librarian, but it only lasted half an hour. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face off in the corner.
I heard Sony's coming out with a new console during the pandemic. It's called the Plaguestation 5.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
Patient: Oh Doctor, I’m starting to forget things. Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? Patient: What condition?
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a pit bull? Just the pit bull.
The cemetery is so overcrowded. People are just dying to get in.
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
I went out with this girl once who wanted to be treated like a princess. So I put her in the back of a Mercedes and crashed it.
How can you tell your acne is really starting to get out of hand? The blind start reading your face.
Why do vampires seem sick? They’re always coffin.
Mom, the kids are laughing at me, they say my teeth are too long!” – “Oh shush, now you’ve scratched the whole floor again!
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t really matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway.
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
What’s the difference between a baby and a potato. About 140 calories.
Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story…
I got a second opinion after I asked my psychiatrist for it after he said I was crazy. He said I was ugly too.
My father always used to say, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” – "till the accident".
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
Dark Humor is like Healthcare.... It's better if only some people get it.
What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common? .. .. Both like to crack open a cold one! (:
Old man is flying down the freeway in his new corvette. He soon sees a state patrolman behind him with lights on. He takes off driving nearly 100 mph. When the siren sounds, he comes to his senses and pulls over. Before the cop reaches the window, the man apologizes for running. The cop says "I've heard every excuse there is, but if you tell me something original, I'll let you go." The man says "Well you see officer, a few years back, my wife ran off with a state patrolman...so when I saw your lights in the rearview mirror...I thought you were trying to bring her back!" Cop tips his hat "Have a nice day!"
Missing my favorite: How many babies do you need to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw. Also good: Whats worse than 9 babies in a garbage bin? 1 baby in 9 garbage bins.
then theres, whats the difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a corvette in my garage
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What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common? .. .. Both like to crack open a cold one! (:
Old man is flying down the freeway in his new corvette. He soon sees a state patrolman behind him with lights on. He takes off driving nearly 100 mph. When the siren sounds, he comes to his senses and pulls over. Before the cop reaches the window, the man apologizes for running. The cop says "I've heard every excuse there is, but if you tell me something original, I'll let you go." The man says "Well you see officer, a few years back, my wife ran off with a state patrolman...so when I saw your lights in the rearview mirror...I thought you were trying to bring her back!" Cop tips his hat "Have a nice day!"
Missing my favorite: How many babies do you need to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw. Also good: Whats worse than 9 babies in a garbage bin? 1 baby in 9 garbage bins.
then theres, whats the difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a corvette in my garage
Load More Replies...