Mom Deliberately Takes Her Husband’s Savings After He Selfishly Returns His 11 Y.O. Daughter’s Gift To Use The Money On Something ‘Useful’
If you’re a parent, then you know that your children are your whole world. Committing to parenthood is a crucial decision, and it’s a must to do absolutely everything in your ability to give your kid the best life possible.
Some of us grew up in toxic families, and we go out of our way to protect our children from any emotional traumas. Some happened to become single parents, and they’re making sure that their child feels that otherworldly love. In a nutshell, your life has acquired an entirely new level of responsibility. However, to provide that emotional stability, you need to have a partner with the same mindset. And if you happened to tie your life with a person who you feel has toxic intentions, then it might be a good idea to evaluate whether the problem is solvable or else your child’s well-being could be at stake.
An online user has faced a similar problem, and she took it to one of Reddit’s communities to get some guidance:
More info: Reddit
Stealing gifts from your own child is odd, to say the least
Image credits: Brooke Raymond
This woman shared a story about how her husband selfishly stole their child’s gift and ended up making her the scapegoat of the situation. The post received 22K upvotes and 2.4K worth of comments where people expressed their worries towards this situation.
Dad returns his daughter’s bike gifted by her uncle and spends the money on their home
Image credits: mammabearxx3
The OP began her story by explaining how her brother was kind enough to gift her daughter the bike that she had wanted for what seems like forever. However, that happiness didn’t last for long as the girl’s father decided to return the gift and egoistically keep the money to himself.
When the OP’s daughter noticed that her beloved gift was missing, her little heart was in shambles and the mother couldn’t understand her husband’s intentions.
Image credits: mammabearxx3
Once the woman came back to her senses, she asked her husband to explain why he would do such a thing, to which he replied that he returned the gift so that he could spend the money on something useful (whatever that means).
Naturally, the woman went off on him and pointed out the obvious. She said that the gift came from her brother, therefore he had absolutely no right to touch it.
Image credits: mammabearxx3
Plus, what parent would take a gift away from their child, knowing perfectly well that it was something that had been on their wishlist for so long?
The OP also pointed out that her brother was broke and still went out of his way to make his niece happy, which essentially makes the situation even worse. The woman told her husband that what he did was pure theft and demanded that he hand over the money so she could buy the bike back. Sure enough, the man said that the cash was already spent and that he had no money left.
Image credits: mammabearxx3
After their fiery conversation was over, the OP remembered a stash of “emergency” money that her husband kept for himself and with no hesitation, the woman went to the bedroom, took some cash and repurchased the daughter’s bike.
Once the OP’s partner became aware of the situation, he absolutely couldn’t believe that his wife was capable of doing something like that and proceeded to yell at her. He then tried to explain that he spent that money on household necessities, to which the OP, once again, clarified that he stole their daughter’s bike, which is why he was responsible for getting it back.
Image credits: mammabearxx3
The scandal made their 11-year-old child so upset to the point where she said that she doesn’t want the bike if dad doesn’t want her to have it. The mother assured the girl that everything was totally fine and that she should just go and enjoy her bike.
The husband, however, was still in disbelief and couldn’t comprehend that the wife managed to get their kid against him.
Image credits: mammabearxx3
It’s interesting how the OP’s husband decided to act like a victim in this situation when he, figuratively speaking, took his daughter’s happiness away.
What do you think about the situation? Was it completely fine for the mother to take her husband’s personal savings to buy the gift back?
Fellow Redditors supported the OP and expressed their concerns
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I cant believe he doesn't see how ridiculously hypocritical his little tantrum is. What kind of father is this guy?!
As a father, I assume he's an indifferent and abusive dirtbag, a selfish SOB and waste of oxygen, who probably voted for Trump and spend the kid's bike money on beer. Well, who else would do something like that?
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Oh my god. Red flags all over. Divorce! A man child that hot upset that he daughter got a bike, so he used his big man actions to show how much he loves and respects his daughter and wife. My dad did something similar, he gifted me 100 dollars for my 7th birthday, and then next day took it and spend it. I didn't think anything of it. But the older I got the more i saw my dad doing it to everyone during his life near me. Fast forward he has six children, 10+ grandchildren, the ladder have never met him and he hasn't seen his children. Disowned... No man husband or father is allowed to touch my stuff, raise their voice, beat you etc. It's all illegal and if that's how he behaves then I'm sorry it sounds like he thinks he is owner of everything and everyone. Can't believe he has a wife and a child who care. Lucky man, not so lucky wife and daughter
NTA> Divorce time. He doesn't respect you, your daughter, or anyone. He's the king of his own world and the rest of you are just furniture in the play of his life, to be used and have things stolen from you whenever he sees fit. He is going to irreparably damage your daughter's emotional state, mental state and self esteem as she grows up. He's not a competent father for her wellbeing. Take your daughter and any other kids you have and walk out on this A-hole, go stay with your brother and start over. The douchebag of a father is a waste of human excrement. Find a real man to respect both you and your daughter, cus this guy couldn't give a shi*.
This is financial abuse. Many women don’t recognize abuse until their husband starts doing it to the kids.
NTA, and get rid of him. The daughter deserves a better father figure in life than someone who steals from her and shows both her and her mother no respect.
Who tf steals a little girls bike?! I can't imagine he doesn't know that he's wrong. He should be embarrassed, if you have to steal toys from children to afford household necessities then you can't afford to smoke. He obviously values his wants/happiness above his daughters, to me that is the only thing that can be taken away from his actions since he had a savings and took his daughters most prized possession instead and I can't imagine why anyone would want to be with someone who is that selfish and thoughtless.
I'm curious what story he told her brother... I would definitely reach out to my brother and any other family he might approach for money. This guy has a drinking, drugging or gambling problem on top of some sort of personality disorder. I would be careful not to taint my daughter's view of her father, even if he is a scumbag. For now just explain Dad made a mistake, let her come to the conclusion of her dad being an ahole on her own. If dad thinks daughter "already" hates him, he won't try to do better and he could use it in divorce or custody dispute.
I wondered the same. Does the uncle/bro know? What does he say? Along with, what stuff for house? He calls his wife the thief, hello pot! Hypocrite much?
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Dude, what a piece of s**t he is... divorce his ass, he is a garbage human.
Who the f*ckin pile of walking sh*t stoles his own daughters gift that have made her happy. The role of parents is every now and the upset their children by setting rules forbidding dump things and educating but newer by betrayal. This could be justified in real crisis if the stakes are on getting food and just staying alive when all means are neccesary but this is just.. just.. just.. you know..
This story is insane. Sounds made up even but if it's not there's something deeply wrong w this man. This can't be the first time he's done something this horrible either which means the wife knows there is something deeply wrong w him and she's staying w him.
This is sadly terribly common, and fits what I survived to a T. She has just been gaslighted into confusion. At least she's starting to look for help; hopefully she skips the forum and gets professional asap!
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You should take the rest of his savings along with all his clothes. Stuff them in a trash bag and hand it to him telling him to get lost. HE STOLE from his own child and this would only be the start of it. He is a selfish vindictive bstrd who is gonna make your lives incredibly hard. WHY has he the right to save money that YOU are not allowed to touch IF it's for things for the home. Sounds like he is trying to keep up with the Jones's and is jealous of anyone who has better things. Materialistic to a tee
A bike is very important to a child. It is freedom, friendship, flying down the road. Her father should be ashamed of himself.
Lady, if you can see this, RUN. FAST. In the opposite direction of this abusive POS. Show this entire story with the court and take out the TRASH. This isn’t normal and lots of folks are worried about both of you. Be safe!!!!!!!!!!
He did exactly what he's accusing you of doing. He had no right to sell that. After he sold the bike, he said he spent the money on household stuff. He still had enough money in his stash to buy it back. This man is definitely abusive. I'm saddened that the child was willing to give it up for her dad.She's used to the codependent relationship and will end up with someone just like him if Mom doesn't intervene. Bu having a chronic illness leaves you kind of stuck. I'd still contact a divorce lawyer to see what you can do.
OP's husband is not only an AH, he's a broke-a$$ loser that sounded like a terrible father, insufficient provider whom is also a thief. Can't believe "men" like him often are married and have kids, when I personally think it's best for them to just be alone and f%^* off. I'm so proud of the mom/OP for standing up for her daughter. Oh somehow this breaks my heart and makes me really angry at the same time.
My mother was like this and the abuse wasn't just financially, it was also mentally and physically. If my father or someone gave me money, toys whatever she would take the money and spend it for herself, toys would be given to my younger siblings or things would just disappear without a trace and I wasn't brave enough to ask for or request any of it back. If I ended my month without a black eye or various bruises, it was a great month and a feat for the history books. He won't change and this is escalating. She needs to get out NOW
I can steal and you are just supposed to get over it but if you steal back what I stole then I will throw a fit for days
Yeah this is theft alright. I've gone through the same crap as a kid. As a kid, all you have are your stuff. I've never had much besides free things here and there or the odd reward for doing well in school. My parents weren't that savvy with money but they sure want to show their generosity to their siblings. My stuff are to be "shared" to cousins when they visit and things were lost, broken or outright gifted but never replaced. Hell I even get blamed for those that broke. So some advise from a broken old fella, if you don't want your kids growing up with trust issues, keeping their distance from you and being borderline sociopath, don't do that s**t.
Come ON! You can't take a child's gift. Never. Even if you are in desperate need of money you just don't. Urgh.
I wonder why she said "my daughter" instead of "our daughter" is he treating the child this way because she isn't his? That's obviously not a reason but this man seems horrible and I agree that there are more problems than just this money issue.
I would have taken all of the money, bought a new bike, and used the rest to file for divorce. The money is community property, it's not theft like the bike was. He's not married to his daughter, her property is hers. Let him whine to a judge about it and see where that gets him.
So it's the duty of the eleven year old to sacrifice for her family while the father keeps his stash for personal use. Wonderful!
If that father /husband act like that, what else is he capable of?? It's psychological violence
My ex took $10k that was gifted to our daughter by his parents. He said his parents gave him permission to spend the money. He bought a dirt bike and some other BS. I didn't find out until we were going through the divorce. He didn't see anything wrong with spending his daughter's college money on a bike.
Hold on.... he has a stash of cash... but sold the bike for household items? I call BS. He did it out if spite and jealousy. As a parent, even in dire need I'd sell the clothes off my back before depriving my son of something that brought him joy :(
Right??? I’d sell my last pair of shoes over selling my kids beloved possessions, that’s awful ☹️
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Yeah. DTMFA. It might be just *barely* excusable to return a child's present if you need the money to buy food or keep the lights on, or something like that, but only if it's the absolute last resort, and you can't come up with any other option. But even if dude's "necessities for the house" were actual necessities, he had no business using his child's gift to buy them while he still had his "emergency" money. (If you *actually need* to sell your child's belongings to buy necessities, that's an emergency!)
The husband is not right in the head. He needs Counceling snd if the mom can manage it, divorce him. Huge red flag of mental issues.
Im sorry but being a selfish abusive AH is not a mental issue
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I think they got way bigger problems. He doesn't care about his daughters feelings even making his daughter doubt whether she should want the bike and he makes his wife feel guilty and wonder if she's the ahole while he's being selfish, greedy etc. He's clearly a narcissistic kind of person, they love to ruin other people's lives and then make them feel like they are at fault while the narcissistic person acts like a baby and like he's the one hurt. Those kind of people are rarely able to have healthy relationships and one should wonder if this is a single incident only. I highly doubt that this was the only time he did something terrible and then when someone stands up and speaks out makes them feel guilty for actually standing up. If this happens more often and I were his wife, I knew what I'd do: better be a single parent, take my kid and get away from him than let that guy ruin me and the child. I used to be with a narcissist. After all the misery he put me through he thought that he could still make me feel guilty for the fact that he had cheated on me (and not just once, even going back to before we were married). Didn't think so. Glad we didn't have children. I divorced. Ran far away from him. And then he still tried other people to believe that they should pity him because I wronged him. Luckily a lot of people knew the kind of person he was and were also done with his bllsht because he was that narcissistic with others too.
I'm sorry you went through that :( You are right to be glad in that not having a kid with him allows you to be more free of him (I think?). My wake-up call to get myself out was having a kid with my ex. I knew it was abuse, deep down, but kept 'thinking he would change', especially after 5 years in when I fell pregnant. But no, if anything he got worse: but now it was different. It wasn't just me it was my son and I had to protect him, and do what I could toake sure he didn't grow up thinking violence towards women was in any way acceptable. It gave me the reason to get out when my confidence was rock bottom. Unfortunately it does mean I still have to deal with him, but I'm a lot stronger now 💪 If I hadn't had a kid, I don't know if I would have left him, probably just would have ended up as another victim on an episode on 'Snapped' or something
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So smokes are like 9 to 10 a pack and if ya a pack a day at 30 days you are spending up to 300 a month along with gas to get them. Hell buy his selfish ass a bike and tell him to peddle for his smokes. He takes a kids gift for items he wont even say he needs money for but still has money for smokes. Get real. Daughter should come first not your addictive habit.
NTA. Your husband is abusive and a thief; he's harming your daughter AND you. I don't believe him either; his actions indicate common Gaslighting tactics to hide truth and be in control. GET OUT NOW! Get help. I wish I had seen these red flags earlier myself... so awful for anyone with a child to go thru this!
Leave this guy NOW before your daughter is scarred for life and starts thinking that this is is how men typically treat their wives and daughters.
My parents both did this to me time and time again - except since they were both in on it... an actual "purchase" wouldn't be made... a promise would.. then reneged and then I'd be told that *I* was being selfish for asking for (insert anything here: School trip, a book, application fee to an event, whatever), as that 'thing' would be only for me and how dare I be so demanding for something that would only benefit myself? They would then lord over me how they were spending the money for the WHOLE FAMILY... and it would be something really only they benefited from (Liiike.. a laser disc player with movies only they wanted to watch or movies in a language only they understood - no subtitles). I DO suspect it was my mother convincing my father that my requests were pointlessly selfish, but he went along with it every time.
This is horrific. My dad would give things we had away to other people. He considered everything was his. The mother did the right thing. I see a divorce in the future.
NTA He does not love his daughter at all. No real Dad would come up with a heartless thing like this.
NTA. Sounds very much like you have a narcissistic husband. Run. Run far. Very far away & don't look back!
Can we get an update on whether OP is still with her abuser? Hope she left 🤞
Big fat red flag here. You have to teach him a lesson. What a jerk!
I would have kicked that f****r in the balls and took every penny he had stashed if my husband done something like that, but then my husband knows quiet well not to do s**t like this cause he'd be flung out the door on his face,,, and the fact that my husband is an amazing man. Sadly not all woman are blessed with Good men. Get rid of him ASAP, nothings gonna change with this piece of s**t. I can't imagine this being done to my daughter, I'd roundhouse him into the side of the head.. don't mess with an Irish woman's child, she'll Cleeve you for that s**t
Look at the poor girls reaction, she's immediately trying to make it right and make her father feel better. Who is the adult here? He should feel ashamed to even look at that child
What a asshole! Girl you better run and run fast, ride that bike. Just get the hell out of there!
Your husband is as sensitive as a bag of hammers leave him trust me he will only get worse and further damage your little girl what an ass
Another woman, who ignored a plethora of red flags. This is I am sure just one of many situations where this manchild behaved like an ass. I have a nephew and I am buying him LEGO, toys and for easter, I will buy him a bike. A good one because every boy needs a bike. His baby brother, now 5 months, will get the same treatment from me. I do not have my own kids, but I love those two boys and if their father pulled this kind of s**t, there would be hell to pay.
Ex sister-in-law's husband returned every gift his children were ever given for cash to spend on himself and his car. Not really a surprise since he had to be paid to marry her.
Wait.. what!!!! Paid to marry her!!! The absolute f**k??!!!!!
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I'd be packing his s*** and putting it on the lawn. Then calling a lawyer. What a jerk. You need that man like a fish needs, well, a bicycle.
I wouldn't be surprised if the husband is an undercover gambling or drug addict.
Sounds like OP married an a$$hole. Funny how he calls her a thief and sneaky when that's exactly what he is. Pure projection
I kind of wonder if he isn't a closet drug addicted? I can't see a person who is in their right mind do this to there own child. Then to turn it around on her, calling her a thief ? He should of never touched the bike! He had no rights to it at all! 100% agree with the mom as I would of did the same.
We had a motel bum steal his children's Christmas toys given to them by a charity and try to sell them to other motel residents. He was immediately arrested by the police and it was in the newspaper. The gift was provided by the uncle for use by the child, not the father; therefore it was theft.
These are the signs of a true narcissist. One doesn't do anything wrong. Two denial of your own reality I'm making you think that you're in the wrong what is the exact opposite. 3 lack of empathy or others. 4 financially, verbally and emotionally controlling. 5 what's theirs is theirs and what's yours is there's. This is a toxic situation not only for the spouse but for the child. You cannot change a narcissist no matter how much you want to think that you can. Don't matter love, factual statements or understanding will ever change the core of what he is. Both of my children's mothers we're clinically diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. Trust me when I say that not only your daughter but you are better off being a single parent then trying to raise a child with a one-sided partner like that. Whether the problem was rectified or not, you become an enabling Factor if you don't remove her from her abuser.
What concerns me is that they are in a marriage and there are clearly so many disconnects. We never learn what the husband spent money on. Why were those items not returned and the bike bought with that money unless it was things that weren't returnable like food? I'm just playing devil's advocate here. She's complaining online but why was their child privy to any of this going on and now why are we? I'm not victim blaming. I understand that sometimes you need an outlet. But it seems like we're not getting the whole story here. I mean life isn't just 100% perfect and then your husband suddenly sells your daughter's bike for "necessities" without consulting anyone. You also know that he has his own specific savings like y'all aren't married and don't share a life together? This story makes no sense to me as a human. There are plot holes and unrealistic story lines. The characters aren't believable.
This is abusive behavior, please seek either counseling or a divorce
He must know my former stepfather. I had to put any money I got from birthdays, holidays, babysitting, etc, into my bank account. They day my mother had him leave he went to the bank and took every penny. I was 12 , confused and devastated. He topped himself though with my high school graduation gift. It was the tin of silver dollars that my mother had saved since she was a young girl that went missing when he moved out. I gave them back to my mom but she let me keep half of them.
I feel so bad for the daughter. She didn't have a 'first bike' experience. So sad!
The mother wasn't wrong the father had no right to take back a gift that he didn't buy and if he would have bought it he still would be wrong for doing it
It's time to go. Start your own little nest egg. And if not for you for your kids. your kids deserve better so do you .I understand having your own little savings. Whether it's in the house or not. But what I don't understand is taking something that was gifted to your child and using the money for something else for yourself. Let's say you so in love with this man. If he's not willing to go to couple counseling and individual counseling and to do the work. Then you know and you can stand firm knowing that it's time for you to go. And once you get all that counseling done and y'all done worked on yourself and each other now you got to go to family counseling and let your child work on her as well as your other kids if you got them. And if you have access to his bank account every time he get paid take $100 and make that your savings just keep it in the bank.Make appoint of quietly looking at his financing just in case you in up divorcing him.
Nta! If he had money saved why did he need the bike money?! He didn't! Find a way to leave!!
And why couldn't he just use his own "emergency" money to begin with and avoid the confusion and hurt he caused his daughter and wife.
She has 2 children! 1, a very sweet, respectful, loving daughter. The other, an "adult," selfish, self-centered abuser who throws a tantrum when he doesn't get his way. He doesn't respect her or their child. They're just "tools" for his selfish whims. I would keep tabs on him. Hire a private investigator to research & follow his every move. Do some deep research on his real spending habits. (What DID he really use the bike money for, etc.) Ck his bank activity, credit card activity, etc. Get real time financial history on this "abuser". Take it all to a a lawyer for divorce proceedings. Make sure he doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to any further relationship with you or your daughter. Get your brother to help, if he can. He obviously has seen this behavior on his BIL & probably knows his poor track record. Her brother probably bought the bike for his niece because her "father" selfishly refused to, keeping "his" money for himself. What other nefarious things has he done?
Yeah gotta go with hubs on this one, he may have used it to pay a over due bill groceries and no he didn't commit theft however the wife did by taking money he had stashed probably for emergencies unexpected ones . The daughter will be fine .
Dude sounds like a biden supporter. Steals from his only child and claims victim card. Definitely a snowflake for sure.
I am going to have to agree this man is abusive. However Mom is teaching her daughter it is okay to be treated like this as long as she just stays there putting up with this nonsense.
He's a narcissist. He can never be blamed, it's always someone else's fault. Ditch him before he destroys your life.
Trump voter? Really? This has biden all over it. Take from a rightful owner and give it to someone who wants a handout.
There was no need for the bike "now...in the dead of winter". Presumably the bike had been used, so how would the shop accept it/refund it even with a receipt? I don't know, i just doubt the truth of this entire story.
No idea about the story, but a large 'everything' store near me is fairly liberal with their returns policy (mind you they prefer receipts if you want cash rather than store credit, situation depending). I reckon it's more likely he sold/traded it for some kind of addiction
Load More Replies... How do people end up married with all those psychopaths? I always think I',m kinda unfit for a longterm relationship, due to some things I do and don't wanna not do, but then again ... this kind of essholery, I'd never pull off! In a case of life and death ... if there is to chose between bike and food ... well, wasn't. he's an exhaust orifice.
They do because they're weak... Or they're just as bad and act the victim when at the receiving end of the stick...
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I couldn't read too much of this article. The snowflake behaviour of the editor trying her best to demonize the dad was disgusting. This was opinionated as f***. Now my opinion on the events is that while the dad did wrong, so did the mother. And it's not theft since she's still a minor and parents have final decision on what the children get and keep. I think it's reasonable to prioritize living conditions over luxury. Both parents are toxic dirty trash for their hatred and snowflake behaviour towards each other.
This "Dad" reminds me soooo much of my ex-step-dad. He stole so much money from me, my brothers and my mom growing up, and he acted 100% like this guy
Just like the bike wasn't his to take, his savings wasn't hers to take and buy a bike with. However, I would have done the same thing. But also I wouldn't be living with the man. If this guy sold his own daughter's bicycle he would probably take his wife to court and I would love to hear what any judge I would tell him if he told his story in Family Court! With an attitude like his I'm sure this isn't the first time he has done something this unacceptable.
Well you can not steal just because he stole. That does not justify your theft at all. Eye for an Eye is no Justice- it's beyond medival. Fix your issues with him together and don't do him sneaky like that. He's been an as.hol but so were you. This is all so immature you guys should not have kids at all
She doesn't do that by intent. I'm sure the guy she thought she was marrying was a different one than the one she ended up with. But, leaving often isn't easy either, you have a lot of economical dependencies and limitations and can't just walk out, stay at a hotel for a few weeks, get a new home, move in and call it a few thousand days, you know ... gotta prepare these things, keep them secret to not endanger the plan, ... I'd say, make a plan on how to leave within 2 years, and that may work out well, as you can set up the things that give you the independence needed to do so without ending up homeless and broke. You need a job, a home, you need a lawyer, and the bike stays, damned, the bike is out of every equation until they starve!
Load More Replies... I cant believe he doesn't see how ridiculously hypocritical his little tantrum is. What kind of father is this guy?!
As a father, I assume he's an indifferent and abusive dirtbag, a selfish SOB and waste of oxygen, who probably voted for Trump and spend the kid's bike money on beer. Well, who else would do something like that?
Load More Replies... Oh my god. Red flags all over. Divorce! A man child that hot upset that he daughter got a bike, so he used his big man actions to show how much he loves and respects his daughter and wife. My dad did something similar, he gifted me 100 dollars for my 7th birthday, and then next day took it and spend it. I didn't think anything of it. But the older I got the more i saw my dad doing it to everyone during his life near me. Fast forward he has six children, 10+ grandchildren, the ladder have never met him and he hasn't seen his children. Disowned... No man husband or father is allowed to touch my stuff, raise their voice, beat you etc. It's all illegal and if that's how he behaves then I'm sorry it sounds like he thinks he is owner of everything and everyone. Can't believe he has a wife and a child who care. Lucky man, not so lucky wife and daughter
NTA> Divorce time. He doesn't respect you, your daughter, or anyone. He's the king of his own world and the rest of you are just furniture in the play of his life, to be used and have things stolen from you whenever he sees fit. He is going to irreparably damage your daughter's emotional state, mental state and self esteem as she grows up. He's not a competent father for her wellbeing. Take your daughter and any other kids you have and walk out on this A-hole, go stay with your brother and start over. The douchebag of a father is a waste of human excrement. Find a real man to respect both you and your daughter, cus this guy couldn't give a shi*.
This is financial abuse. Many women don’t recognize abuse until their husband starts doing it to the kids.
NTA, and get rid of him. The daughter deserves a better father figure in life than someone who steals from her and shows both her and her mother no respect.
Who tf steals a little girls bike?! I can't imagine he doesn't know that he's wrong. He should be embarrassed, if you have to steal toys from children to afford household necessities then you can't afford to smoke. He obviously values his wants/happiness above his daughters, to me that is the only thing that can be taken away from his actions since he had a savings and took his daughters most prized possession instead and I can't imagine why anyone would want to be with someone who is that selfish and thoughtless.
I'm curious what story he told her brother... I would definitely reach out to my brother and any other family he might approach for money. This guy has a drinking, drugging or gambling problem on top of some sort of personality disorder. I would be careful not to taint my daughter's view of her father, even if he is a scumbag. For now just explain Dad made a mistake, let her come to the conclusion of her dad being an ahole on her own. If dad thinks daughter "already" hates him, he won't try to do better and he could use it in divorce or custody dispute.
I wondered the same. Does the uncle/bro know? What does he say? Along with, what stuff for house? He calls his wife the thief, hello pot! Hypocrite much?
Load More Replies... Dude, what a piece of s**t he is... divorce his ass, he is a garbage human.
Who the f*ckin pile of walking sh*t stoles his own daughters gift that have made her happy. The role of parents is every now and the upset their children by setting rules forbidding dump things and educating but newer by betrayal. This could be justified in real crisis if the stakes are on getting food and just staying alive when all means are neccesary but this is just.. just.. just.. you know..
This story is insane. Sounds made up even but if it's not there's something deeply wrong w this man. This can't be the first time he's done something this horrible either which means the wife knows there is something deeply wrong w him and she's staying w him.
This is sadly terribly common, and fits what I survived to a T. She has just been gaslighted into confusion. At least she's starting to look for help; hopefully she skips the forum and gets professional asap!
Load More Replies... You should take the rest of his savings along with all his clothes. Stuff them in a trash bag and hand it to him telling him to get lost. HE STOLE from his own child and this would only be the start of it. He is a selfish vindictive bstrd who is gonna make your lives incredibly hard. WHY has he the right to save money that YOU are not allowed to touch IF it's for things for the home. Sounds like he is trying to keep up with the Jones's and is jealous of anyone who has better things. Materialistic to a tee
A bike is very important to a child. It is freedom, friendship, flying down the road. Her father should be ashamed of himself.
Lady, if you can see this, RUN. FAST. In the opposite direction of this abusive POS. Show this entire story with the court and take out the TRASH. This isn’t normal and lots of folks are worried about both of you. Be safe!!!!!!!!!!
He did exactly what he's accusing you of doing. He had no right to sell that. After he sold the bike, he said he spent the money on household stuff. He still had enough money in his stash to buy it back. This man is definitely abusive. I'm saddened that the child was willing to give it up for her dad.She's used to the codependent relationship and will end up with someone just like him if Mom doesn't intervene. Bu having a chronic illness leaves you kind of stuck. I'd still contact a divorce lawyer to see what you can do.
OP's husband is not only an AH, he's a broke-a$$ loser that sounded like a terrible father, insufficient provider whom is also a thief. Can't believe "men" like him often are married and have kids, when I personally think it's best for them to just be alone and f%^* off. I'm so proud of the mom/OP for standing up for her daughter. Oh somehow this breaks my heart and makes me really angry at the same time.
My mother was like this and the abuse wasn't just financially, it was also mentally and physically. If my father or someone gave me money, toys whatever she would take the money and spend it for herself, toys would be given to my younger siblings or things would just disappear without a trace and I wasn't brave enough to ask for or request any of it back. If I ended my month without a black eye or various bruises, it was a great month and a feat for the history books. He won't change and this is escalating. She needs to get out NOW
I can steal and you are just supposed to get over it but if you steal back what I stole then I will throw a fit for days
Yeah this is theft alright. I've gone through the same crap as a kid. As a kid, all you have are your stuff. I've never had much besides free things here and there or the odd reward for doing well in school. My parents weren't that savvy with money but they sure want to show their generosity to their siblings. My stuff are to be "shared" to cousins when they visit and things were lost, broken or outright gifted but never replaced. Hell I even get blamed for those that broke. So some advise from a broken old fella, if you don't want your kids growing up with trust issues, keeping their distance from you and being borderline sociopath, don't do that s**t.
Come ON! You can't take a child's gift. Never. Even if you are in desperate need of money you just don't. Urgh.
I wonder why she said "my daughter" instead of "our daughter" is he treating the child this way because she isn't his? That's obviously not a reason but this man seems horrible and I agree that there are more problems than just this money issue.
I would have taken all of the money, bought a new bike, and used the rest to file for divorce. The money is community property, it's not theft like the bike was. He's not married to his daughter, her property is hers. Let him whine to a judge about it and see where that gets him.
So it's the duty of the eleven year old to sacrifice for her family while the father keeps his stash for personal use. Wonderful!
If that father /husband act like that, what else is he capable of?? It's psychological violence
My ex took $10k that was gifted to our daughter by his parents. He said his parents gave him permission to spend the money. He bought a dirt bike and some other BS. I didn't find out until we were going through the divorce. He didn't see anything wrong with spending his daughter's college money on a bike.
Hold on.... he has a stash of cash... but sold the bike for household items? I call BS. He did it out if spite and jealousy. As a parent, even in dire need I'd sell the clothes off my back before depriving my son of something that brought him joy :(
Right??? I’d sell my last pair of shoes over selling my kids beloved possessions, that’s awful ☹️
Load More Replies... Yeah. DTMFA. It might be just *barely* excusable to return a child's present if you need the money to buy food or keep the lights on, or something like that, but only if it's the absolute last resort, and you can't come up with any other option. But even if dude's "necessities for the house" were actual necessities, he had no business using his child's gift to buy them while he still had his "emergency" money. (If you *actually need* to sell your child's belongings to buy necessities, that's an emergency!)
The husband is not right in the head. He needs Counceling snd if the mom can manage it, divorce him. Huge red flag of mental issues.
Im sorry but being a selfish abusive AH is not a mental issue
Load More Replies... I think they got way bigger problems. He doesn't care about his daughters feelings even making his daughter doubt whether she should want the bike and he makes his wife feel guilty and wonder if she's the ahole while he's being selfish, greedy etc. He's clearly a narcissistic kind of person, they love to ruin other people's lives and then make them feel like they are at fault while the narcissistic person acts like a baby and like he's the one hurt. Those kind of people are rarely able to have healthy relationships and one should wonder if this is a single incident only. I highly doubt that this was the only time he did something terrible and then when someone stands up and speaks out makes them feel guilty for actually standing up. If this happens more often and I were his wife, I knew what I'd do: better be a single parent, take my kid and get away from him than let that guy ruin me and the child. I used to be with a narcissist. After all the misery he put me through he thought that he could still make me feel guilty for the fact that he had cheated on me (and not just once, even going back to before we were married). Didn't think so. Glad we didn't have children. I divorced. Ran far away from him. And then he still tried other people to believe that they should pity him because I wronged him. Luckily a lot of people knew the kind of person he was and were also done with his bllsht because he was that narcissistic with others too.
I'm sorry you went through that :( You are right to be glad in that not having a kid with him allows you to be more free of him (I think?). My wake-up call to get myself out was having a kid with my ex. I knew it was abuse, deep down, but kept 'thinking he would change', especially after 5 years in when I fell pregnant. But no, if anything he got worse: but now it was different. It wasn't just me it was my son and I had to protect him, and do what I could toake sure he didn't grow up thinking violence towards women was in any way acceptable. It gave me the reason to get out when my confidence was rock bottom. Unfortunately it does mean I still have to deal with him, but I'm a lot stronger now 💪 If I hadn't had a kid, I don't know if I would have left him, probably just would have ended up as another victim on an episode on 'Snapped' or something
Load More Replies... So smokes are like 9 to 10 a pack and if ya a pack a day at 30 days you are spending up to 300 a month along with gas to get them. Hell buy his selfish ass a bike and tell him to peddle for his smokes. He takes a kids gift for items he wont even say he needs money for but still has money for smokes. Get real. Daughter should come first not your addictive habit.
NTA. Your husband is abusive and a thief; he's harming your daughter AND you. I don't believe him either; his actions indicate common Gaslighting tactics to hide truth and be in control. GET OUT NOW! Get help. I wish I had seen these red flags earlier myself... so awful for anyone with a child to go thru this!
Leave this guy NOW before your daughter is scarred for life and starts thinking that this is is how men typically treat their wives and daughters.
My parents both did this to me time and time again - except since they were both in on it... an actual "purchase" wouldn't be made... a promise would.. then reneged and then I'd be told that *I* was being selfish for asking for (insert anything here: School trip, a book, application fee to an event, whatever), as that 'thing' would be only for me and how dare I be so demanding for something that would only benefit myself? They would then lord over me how they were spending the money for the WHOLE FAMILY... and it would be something really only they benefited from (Liiike.. a laser disc player with movies only they wanted to watch or movies in a language only they understood - no subtitles). I DO suspect it was my mother convincing my father that my requests were pointlessly selfish, but he went along with it every time.
This is horrific. My dad would give things we had away to other people. He considered everything was his. The mother did the right thing. I see a divorce in the future.
NTA He does not love his daughter at all. No real Dad would come up with a heartless thing like this.
NTA. Sounds very much like you have a narcissistic husband. Run. Run far. Very far away & don't look back!
Can we get an update on whether OP is still with her abuser? Hope she left 🤞
Big fat red flag here. You have to teach him a lesson. What a jerk!
I would have kicked that f****r in the balls and took every penny he had stashed if my husband done something like that, but then my husband knows quiet well not to do s**t like this cause he'd be flung out the door on his face,,, and the fact that my husband is an amazing man. Sadly not all woman are blessed with Good men. Get rid of him ASAP, nothings gonna change with this piece of s**t. I can't imagine this being done to my daughter, I'd roundhouse him into the side of the head.. don't mess with an Irish woman's child, she'll Cleeve you for that s**t
Look at the poor girls reaction, she's immediately trying to make it right and make her father feel better. Who is the adult here? He should feel ashamed to even look at that child
What a asshole! Girl you better run and run fast, ride that bike. Just get the hell out of there!
Your husband is as sensitive as a bag of hammers leave him trust me he will only get worse and further damage your little girl what an ass
Another woman, who ignored a plethora of red flags. This is I am sure just one of many situations where this manchild behaved like an ass. I have a nephew and I am buying him LEGO, toys and for easter, I will buy him a bike. A good one because every boy needs a bike. His baby brother, now 5 months, will get the same treatment from me. I do not have my own kids, but I love those two boys and if their father pulled this kind of s**t, there would be hell to pay.
Ex sister-in-law's husband returned every gift his children were ever given for cash to spend on himself and his car. Not really a surprise since he had to be paid to marry her.
Wait.. what!!!! Paid to marry her!!! The absolute f**k??!!!!!
Load More Replies... I'd be packing his s*** and putting it on the lawn. Then calling a lawyer. What a jerk. You need that man like a fish needs, well, a bicycle.
I wouldn't be surprised if the husband is an undercover gambling or drug addict.
Sounds like OP married an a$$hole. Funny how he calls her a thief and sneaky when that's exactly what he is. Pure projection
I kind of wonder if he isn't a closet drug addicted? I can't see a person who is in their right mind do this to there own child. Then to turn it around on her, calling her a thief ? He should of never touched the bike! He had no rights to it at all! 100% agree with the mom as I would of did the same.
We had a motel bum steal his children's Christmas toys given to them by a charity and try to sell them to other motel residents. He was immediately arrested by the police and it was in the newspaper. The gift was provided by the uncle for use by the child, not the father; therefore it was theft.
These are the signs of a true narcissist. One doesn't do anything wrong. Two denial of your own reality I'm making you think that you're in the wrong what is the exact opposite. 3 lack of empathy or others. 4 financially, verbally and emotionally controlling. 5 what's theirs is theirs and what's yours is there's. This is a toxic situation not only for the spouse but for the child. You cannot change a narcissist no matter how much you want to think that you can. Don't matter love, factual statements or understanding will ever change the core of what he is. Both of my children's mothers we're clinically diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. Trust me when I say that not only your daughter but you are better off being a single parent then trying to raise a child with a one-sided partner like that. Whether the problem was rectified or not, you become an enabling Factor if you don't remove her from her abuser.
What concerns me is that they are in a marriage and there are clearly so many disconnects. We never learn what the husband spent money on. Why were those items not returned and the bike bought with that money unless it was things that weren't returnable like food? I'm just playing devil's advocate here. She's complaining online but why was their child privy to any of this going on and now why are we? I'm not victim blaming. I understand that sometimes you need an outlet. But it seems like we're not getting the whole story here. I mean life isn't just 100% perfect and then your husband suddenly sells your daughter's bike for "necessities" without consulting anyone. You also know that he has his own specific savings like y'all aren't married and don't share a life together? This story makes no sense to me as a human. There are plot holes and unrealistic story lines. The characters aren't believable.
This is abusive behavior, please seek either counseling or a divorce
He must know my former stepfather. I had to put any money I got from birthdays, holidays, babysitting, etc, into my bank account. They day my mother had him leave he went to the bank and took every penny. I was 12 , confused and devastated. He topped himself though with my high school graduation gift. It was the tin of silver dollars that my mother had saved since she was a young girl that went missing when he moved out. I gave them back to my mom but she let me keep half of them.
I feel so bad for the daughter. She didn't have a 'first bike' experience. So sad!
The mother wasn't wrong the father had no right to take back a gift that he didn't buy and if he would have bought it he still would be wrong for doing it
It's time to go. Start your own little nest egg. And if not for you for your kids. your kids deserve better so do you .I understand having your own little savings. Whether it's in the house or not. But what I don't understand is taking something that was gifted to your child and using the money for something else for yourself. Let's say you so in love with this man. If he's not willing to go to couple counseling and individual counseling and to do the work. Then you know and you can stand firm knowing that it's time for you to go. And once you get all that counseling done and y'all done worked on yourself and each other now you got to go to family counseling and let your child work on her as well as your other kids if you got them. And if you have access to his bank account every time he get paid take $100 and make that your savings just keep it in the bank.Make appoint of quietly looking at his financing just in case you in up divorcing him.
Nta! If he had money saved why did he need the bike money?! He didn't! Find a way to leave!!
And why couldn't he just use his own "emergency" money to begin with and avoid the confusion and hurt he caused his daughter and wife.
She has 2 children! 1, a very sweet, respectful, loving daughter. The other, an "adult," selfish, self-centered abuser who throws a tantrum when he doesn't get his way. He doesn't respect her or their child. They're just "tools" for his selfish whims. I would keep tabs on him. Hire a private investigator to research & follow his every move. Do some deep research on his real spending habits. (What DID he really use the bike money for, etc.) Ck his bank activity, credit card activity, etc. Get real time financial history on this "abuser". Take it all to a a lawyer for divorce proceedings. Make sure he doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to any further relationship with you or your daughter. Get your brother to help, if he can. He obviously has seen this behavior on his BIL & probably knows his poor track record. Her brother probably bought the bike for his niece because her "father" selfishly refused to, keeping "his" money for himself. What other nefarious things has he done?
Yeah gotta go with hubs on this one, he may have used it to pay a over due bill groceries and no he didn't commit theft however the wife did by taking money he had stashed probably for emergencies unexpected ones . The daughter will be fine .
Dude sounds like a biden supporter. Steals from his only child and claims victim card. Definitely a snowflake for sure.
I am going to have to agree this man is abusive. However Mom is teaching her daughter it is okay to be treated like this as long as she just stays there putting up with this nonsense.
He's a narcissist. He can never be blamed, it's always someone else's fault. Ditch him before he destroys your life.
Trump voter? Really? This has biden all over it. Take from a rightful owner and give it to someone who wants a handout.
There was no need for the bike "now...in the dead of winter". Presumably the bike had been used, so how would the shop accept it/refund it even with a receipt? I don't know, i just doubt the truth of this entire story.
No idea about the story, but a large 'everything' store near me is fairly liberal with their returns policy (mind you they prefer receipts if you want cash rather than store credit, situation depending). I reckon it's more likely he sold/traded it for some kind of addiction
Load More Replies... How do people end up married with all those psychopaths? I always think I',m kinda unfit for a longterm relationship, due to some things I do and don't wanna not do, but then again ... this kind of essholery, I'd never pull off! In a case of life and death ... if there is to chose between bike and food ... well, wasn't. he's an exhaust orifice.
They do because they're weak... Or they're just as bad and act the victim when at the receiving end of the stick...
Load More Replies... I couldn't read too much of this article. The snowflake behaviour of the editor trying her best to demonize the dad was disgusting. This was opinionated as f***. Now my opinion on the events is that while the dad did wrong, so did the mother. And it's not theft since she's still a minor and parents have final decision on what the children get and keep. I think it's reasonable to prioritize living conditions over luxury. Both parents are toxic dirty trash for their hatred and snowflake behaviour towards each other.
This "Dad" reminds me soooo much of my ex-step-dad. He stole so much money from me, my brothers and my mom growing up, and he acted 100% like this guy
Just like the bike wasn't his to take, his savings wasn't hers to take and buy a bike with. However, I would have done the same thing. But also I wouldn't be living with the man. If this guy sold his own daughter's bicycle he would probably take his wife to court and I would love to hear what any judge I would tell him if he told his story in Family Court! With an attitude like his I'm sure this isn't the first time he has done something this unacceptable.
Well you can not steal just because he stole. That does not justify your theft at all. Eye for an Eye is no Justice- it's beyond medival. Fix your issues with him together and don't do him sneaky like that. He's been an as.hol but so were you. This is all so immature you guys should not have kids at all
She doesn't do that by intent. I'm sure the guy she thought she was marrying was a different one than the one she ended up with. But, leaving often isn't easy either, you have a lot of economical dependencies and limitations and can't just walk out, stay at a hotel for a few weeks, get a new home, move in and call it a few thousand days, you know ... gotta prepare these things, keep them secret to not endanger the plan, ... I'd say, make a plan on how to leave within 2 years, and that may work out well, as you can set up the things that give you the independence needed to do so without ending up homeless and broke. You need a job, a home, you need a lawyer, and the bike stays, damned, the bike is out of every equation until they starve!
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